Deep Into The Darkness
by Twilightx28
Summary: Edward,23,has been caught up with his brutal past ever since he was adopted by the Cullen's.Will one summer with Bella Swan,friend of Alice,be enough for Edward to find true love,or will his unwillingness to let go of the past tear them apart? BxE,Human
1. Life's Struggles

**Authors Note- IMPORTANT********READ ALL NOTES**********

**This story is Rated M for strong language, drinking, abuse and sexual comments (innuendo).**

**If any of those are sensitive subjects, I suggest you read no further.**

**Since this is Rated M, I don't advise young teenagers read this story. I am not able to control what people read, but I hope that you all are smart enough to know if your not of age for the M rating, then move on and don't give a second glance**

**This story will NOT have Lemon's. But there will be slices of Orange, which is what I consider detailed kissing scene's, and talk of sex between characters. I am not yet courageous enough to post Lemon's at this time, and no, I will not except any offers of people writing them for me. **

**This will mostly be in Edward's point of view, which is really cool for me because most of my stories are in Bella's, but I think that this story is for Edward, and it's probably better to see things in his perspective, considering the life story I've got planned.**

**ALSO! You all might be confused, I was going to Name the story; New Day, but it just didn't fit when I thought about it.**

**Full Summary-**

Edward, 23, and a Med Student has been caught up with his brutal past ever since he was adopted by the Cullen's. Will one summer with Bella Swan, former Cambridge student and friend of Alice, be enough for Edward to find true love, or will his unwillingness to let go of the past tear them apart? AU, BxE, Rated M for Language and Abuse.

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

EPOV

Every since I could speak the word 'doctor', I knew that was what I wanted to be.

When I was a five, my father had wanted me to become a lawyer. At such a young age he pounded it into my head that I _had_ to be a lawyer. That wasn't my dream, I wanted to be a doctor. I've always loved the thought of helping people that were injured or hurt. It made me happy just thinking about it, so I only imagined how happy I would be living that dream.

Ever since I could remember, my father was a drinker, and I knew this when I was six and he would come home in pure rage. He would drink for hours with his buddies and then come back, wrecking the house and throwing dishes, even my mothers prized precious moments that he would buy her. She would tell him to stop, to calm down, but he never listened, it only made him more angry when she ' told him what to do'.

She would hide me in the closet, in my bedroom, or tell me to go outside and play, and I knew that made him angry. I was a big disappointment to him, and he made it known that I was, he walked around the house telling me that I was a screw up. When I was four my mother enrolled me in classes to play piano, and I loved it. He hated that I held a talent that his dead father had.

I was ten when he first hit me, and twelve the first time he actually broke a bone. He was angry because his life didn't turn out like he wanted, I knew that was the reason why he drank and acted the way he did. At the time, we were slowly losing our home when he was laid off his job, and my mother tried her hardest to get money working at the local super market, it just wasn't enough.

He'd never beat my mother, but he beat me infront of her. She would scream and cry at him to stop, and even try to intervene, but he would only push her away and make it harder on me. It did no use for her to see me like that and he never swayed hearing her screams. I had endless scars on my back from the terrible lashings from his belt, that was when he was extremely angry.

If my grades weren't straight A's in my report card, he would beat me. If I forgot to mow the lawn and weed wack along the wrought iron fence, he would beat me. My mother was always working while he was out drinking, and I was in charge of keeping the house clean. It was an endless list of chores, and if one was missed, the day ended badly.

I had to do all of the laundry, give them clean sheets every Tuesday, make sure his office was spotless, the bathrooms were cleaned every two days, bed made every morning for our bedrooms, kitchen spotless and floors mopped everyday, living room vacuumed and leather couch clean. The list went on forever, and it was hard keeping my grades up between having time to study and clean the house. He made things hard on me on purpose, he enjoyed watching me struggle because he wanted to prove I wasn't perfect.

When I was fourteen, I had to go to the hospital when he broke four of my ribs from kicking me so hard with his black penny loafers, that was the first time I had to be admitted to a hospital because of my beating. After that day, I told my mother that I didn't want her to watch him do that to me, because it was only making her fade. I told her that it was no use sitting and crying when he didn't give a shit.

I learned to toughen up and take everything like a man, I started shoving him back when he would get too rough, cuss him out when he would try and make me feel small. I would never try to be-little my children. Ever. I feared him, but I wouldn't show it.

At fifteen, the gym teacher saw the bruises on my back, and he'd called my parents after I reassured him that I was extremely clumsy and bruised easy. It was the first time anybody had noticed anything, when my face, neck or arms were bruised, my mother would cover it up with her makeup. He called anyways, ignoring my begging. That night was the worst beating I had ever gotten, and I could feel my ribs broken inside of me.

I was locked into my bedroom afterwards, blood caked on my back from where the sharp knife sliced my skin. I'd fallen asleep in a very uncomfortable position, but it the only escape to everything. When I'd awoke, all I could hear was the sound of yelling and an ambulance siren, the red and blue lights shining in my bedroom through my window. The sky dark and the moon full.

The police men had come to me after about five minutes of confusion, Chief Police Charles Swan was the one who came into my bedroom. I'd only been wearing my jeans and he was literally terrified when he looked at my condition.

When he had helped me out of bed and we walked through my house, I saw my mother with her arms around her knee's, crying into them as my fathers dead body lay on the ornate rug they had recieved as a wedding gift from my grandparents. There was a single stab to the center of his neck, the familar kitchen knife sticking straight out. Blood was splattered everywhere, on my mother and on the floor and ceiling from what I could see.

" She can't hurt you anymore."

They thought that my mother was the one who had been doing all of the beating to my body.

When she had saw me, she had immediatly came to me, her arms wrapping around my body tightly, It hurt when her hands touched my cuts, but she held onto me anyways, her tears falling on my chest. The police men were wide eyed when I hugged her back, trying to get her to sit back down. My ribs were screaming, my whole body was screaming in pain, but I held onto the person I loved most.

" I had to do it, baby. I couldn't stand it any longer." was all she said.

I'd awoken in the hospital two days later. I'd been kept sedated and my back was stitched up as well as the cuts on my stomach and my abs were covered completely. They fixed the cut on my lip and bandaged up the cut on my temple. There was a doctor in the room when I awoke, he had blonde hair and blue eyes. He looked very happy to see me awake, but very upset at the same time.

My body hurt everywhere, and my head was pounding uncomfortably. My arms were covered in bandages and it hurt to move them, luckily I had no broken arms, but my ankle hurt badly. The doctor had taken a seat on a chair, looking at me and holding a chart.

" Edward...How are you feeling? You've been asleep for two days."

" It hurts." I rasped out with a dry throat.

He grabbed a cup of water with a straw and held it towards me. I drained half of the cup and he set it down. I coughed once, and immediatly regretted it. My ribs and stomach muscles screamed in protest.

" You might want to try and hold in those coughs for a while. I'm Dr. Cullen, I am your doctor for you stay here. I have to say, Edward, you were in very bad condition when you got here a few nights ago. Us doctors had a job on our hands." he said.

" Where's my mother?"

" She is in police custody for questioning. A sheriff will be here later on today to talk to you also about what happened. Now, how about I tell you whats going on, okay?"

I nodded.

" When you came here and got an examination, you had five broken ribs. Which was the first thing we had taken care of. You had a pretty deep cut on your lip, and a pretty basic cut on your temple. We also found in an x-ray that your ankle had been broken at some point, and it hadn't set properly as it healed, so we had to re-break the bone for it to heal correctly. The lacerations on your back were also very bad, and we had to use stitches and also had to stitch a few that were on your stomach, and we had just decided to wrap you completely up so it could heal. You probably feel like a mummy." he said, joking at the end.

" I feel like shit." I stated bluntly, my voice rough.

" You'll be okay, Edward, I'll make sure of it."

One question was nagging at me, and I had to ask him.

" Dr. Cullen, what's going to happen to me?"

" Well, right now questioning is still going on, and I am more focused on how you are going to heal and get better. I'm sure your mother will be free, you claimed that she did nothing, and so far the police have told me that she claims she hadn't ever hurt you. I am guessing that after the Chief talks to you, that things will get more permanently settled. Don't worry too much, okay, just focus on healing. Would you like the television on?"

I shook my head and laid it back down with a sigh.

The Chief Police of Seattle came in at around seven, dressed completely in uniform with his brown hair combed off to the side. He looked like a nice man, and I recognized him as the person that had found me in my bedroom those few days ago. He introduced himself, though I already knew his name, and sat down to ask me some questions.

Most of it was about all of the beatings I had recieved, about when it had started and the extent of where it went. He also asked me about my father's drinking habits, and how a normal day would go. It was sad to say that going to school, cleaning the house inside and out, dealing with a beating from my drunk father and going to sleep bloodied and beaten was normal for me.

He was very understanding, and he listened to everything I had to say, and when all of the questions were over, he told me that basically everything I had mentioned matched up with my mothers words. He told me that when I was asleep, my father had come at my mother and she had bruises on her stomach and and on her arms in the shape of his fingers. His death would be deemed as self defense, not murder.

The next few days in the hospital were quiet, Dr. Cullen was a nice man and he would come in and talk with me. I felt wary to be around him though, as I was around alot of adult men. They were very capable to hurt me, and I wouldn't put it past anyone.

I had been in the hospital for a week when Dr. Cullen had been the one to come into my room to deliver the news about my mother. I thought it was just a normal daily visit, but I was wrong. She had told the policemen that she wanted to move on, and broaching the subject about me, she said that putting me into a foster care was best, that someone else would love me and take care of me.

No longer had I been sad.

I was angry at her for giving me up after everything I'd went through.

She never came to say goodbye, and she was apparently planning on a fresh start in Chicago. After hearing that information, I never heard another word about her. The feeling of abandonment was intense, and the anger I held was even worse.

I refused to eat, lashed out at the nurse's and even snapped at Dr. Cullen, who never even took it to heart. It kind of made me angry that he didn't get pissed at me when I lashed out, all he did was sit pleasantly, occasionally talking about his daughter and son.

Most of the time I laid there, taking small breaths. It hurt to breath, and I could almost hear the grating sounds when I took deep breaths. The broken ribs hurt like a bitch

A month in the hospital had been torture, and that was when my ribs were starting to heal. My ankle was now in a brace instead of a cast, and it was healing quickly. I was scared for what was to come after this, soon I would be sixteen, nobody wants to adopt a sixteen year old.

Dr. Cullen still visited me regularly, and even though I was distant, he never stopped an effort to get me to talk back to him. I would give him a hello, and he would still talk about his family, also telling me that I had to eat because I was losing weight and I had already been considered underweight.

It was a few weeks before my Birthday that Dr. Cullen had brought his wife here to see me, and she looked as happy as a kid in Disney World. I felt uncomfortable when she sat down and introduced herself as Esme. I didn't talk much with her, but she was just like her husband, she still kept up an effort.

" It's so nice to meet you, Edward. My husband speaks so highly about you." she said.

I nodded and pulled at my hair.

Ever since that day, Esme came to visit me regularly at the hospital, atleast three times a week. I had no idea why this couple was trying so hard to win me over. I was a charity case, a bother, and they seemed to want to be around me and help me in ways they couldn't.

I was battered and bruised, I was the remains of what my father left. A teenager with scars that would scare anyone away.

I would mumble a hello, and she would just talk and talk, never running out of things to say. She would bring me some homemade food she made, and it was damn better then the food they had here. Even though I felt as if the world were out to get me, she seemed to be okay and I was thankful for everything she and her husband had been doing for me.

Once she brought her daughter Alice. She turned fourteen just before I turned sixteen, and she had blue eyes and dark hair. Alice was a really girly girl, and I knew it from the moment I met her, and she was talkative, it must run in the family.

After two full months in the hospital, my ribs had healed, my ankle was no longer broken, and all I had were a few healing cuts that were better. On July 21st, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen told me that they wanted to adopt me, and that they would be very happy if I could be a part of their family. I knew that there had been a reason why they stuck around, but I never imagined that.

The papers were filed and everything, and I was introduced to my new 'big brother', Emmett, who was about a year older then me. I was scared in my own life, I was wary of Emmett and Dr. Cullen, who told me to call him Carlisle. Esme and Alice were okay, though, I knew they never would lay a hand on me, although Alice was very into giving hugs.

She was the Cullen that I had really confinded in. Alice would ask me about my past, and I would give her answers sometimes. She knew that I had been beaten, anybody with eyes could see that I'd clearly been hit and gone to hell and back. I was able to talk with her alot. and I think Esme and Carlisle were atleast happy that I'd talked to someone.

Emmett was nice, and respectful. He let me be, and I immediatly liked the fact that he gave me space. The only time I really saw him was when he was with his girlfriend in the living room, or raiding the cabinets in the kitchen.

My room was on the highest floor of the house, which gave me completely solitude. It was weird living with my doctor, but I got used to it after awhile.

In August I was enrolled in the public school, which was different because I'd attended private schools my whole entire life. We had discussed school many times, and they said that it would probably be better to go to a school where Alice and Emmett were, because alot of questions would be asked if I went back to my old school.

My junior year was pretty brutal to say the least, I was the kid they heard about on the news, the one who's mom killed his dad. They talked about my scars, which pissed me the fuck off and I even got a good hit on Newton when he was making fun of me in the hall. He asked me what end of the belt I got.

Well, asshole, I got the buckle end, want to see the scars?

Emmett had to forcefully pull me off of him, to which I had a panic attack and had to leave the school. Feeling his hands on my arms, gripping tightly and pulling on me. I felt like I was being closed in on, and I had to leave. It was later that I found out that I'd broken both his jaw and nose. Carlisle paid for all the expenses.

Alice tried her best to keep up with me, making me feel comfortable at school. She'd even gotten me to try out for track. I found that running had been very therapeudic for me, and it helped me focus on something new for once. I could find a way to focus on something that didn't piss me off.

As years went on, I stopped caring about where my mother was, and how I was going to deal with things, I focused on school and track, and trying to attempt to build a relationship with Carlisle. I'd been going to therapy for awhile, learning to deal with my past and get over my fear of father figures. Not everyone was out to hurt me, and I learned it in time.

Esme and Carlisle never faltered, and they treated me just as they did Alice or Emmett. They were a little more cautious, but they always told me that they loved me, and while I didn't believe them, I did in time. I wouldn't call them mom and dad, but they knew why I couldn't do that. It just wouldn't feel right. My father was dead and my mother was god knows where.

The summer after my senior year, I went onto pre-med, and have already finished my first year of medical school at the University of Washington. I may not be a normal person, I'm shy and soft spoken, but it's who I am, and only a few people can except me for it. I wouldn't let myself fade just because another person thought I was a scarred freak.

They just didn't understand.

~\\~

At the age of twenty three, almost twenty four, I am content, but still struggling with life.

Emmett is twenty five, and he has one more year of Law School until he can apply for jobs, and he is now engaged to his highschool sweetheart, Rosalie Hale. Normally, Emmett would have just finished with law school this year, but he'd taken a year off after highschool. He and Rosalie have been engaged for two years already, and Emmett is still living here at home, and is planning to until he is done with school and steady, then they are going to settle down and plan their wedding.

Alice, who is almost twenty two, is in fashion design school in Vancouver, and even though I miss her often, I know that she is out there trying to make something of herself, and I am truly happy for her. She is currently dating my college roommate, Jasper Whitlock.

I've already finished Pre-Medical School, getting my four year undergraduate degree and passing the MCAT with flying colors, and just finished my first year of Medical school at the University of Washington to become an Emergency Room Doctor. This August and until Medical School is over, I will be doing my residency.

I'd gotten into Harvard Medical, Cambridge, NYU and Dartmouth, but I ended up staying close to home. It made me feel better knowing Carlisle and Esme were just fourty minutes away from my campus. They were both perfectly fine with my decision in college choice, knowing it was probably for the best.

About a year ago I broke up with a girl from a second relationship, Victoria. When I'd met her I was immediatly swept away by her beauty, but I soon realized that it was on the outside, not on the inside. She was very noisy and she asked me too many questions about my past, and while I would eventually say something, she was relentless and annoying. She ended up sleeping with the Washington Huskies Mascot and told me about it, shoving it in my face that atleast he had given her sex, something I was unwilling to give.

I'd had one sexual encounter. That was in senior year with my first girlfriend Tanya Denali, that relationship ended quicker then it had started. She was a little bit too into me, always clinging to my side and very into the PDA and physical things. I wasn't as interested in any of that as much as she was. She was heartbroken when I broke up with her, but it was better that way.

Now it's the summer of '08 and school let out May 13th, Tuesday, and I was heading home for the summer, obviously not wanting to stay in my dorm. My roomate is Jasper Whitlock, who quickly became my friend when we started rooming together a few years ago. He is attending UW for Law. Jasper lives close to where I do, and he had come over a bit during the summer, and the moment he met Alice, it was history.

We carried our prized television to the car, being exremely careful. Jasper was keeping it with him for the summer, which he was ecstatic about. He'd never had a television in his bedroom. All of his life he went to a private school and his parents were very strict about raising him.

Jasper didn't know much about my past. I never told him anything really, and he wasn't a prying kind of person, which was great because rooming together was fine. We got along great even from the beginning.

My clothes were packed up, along with all of my other things and they were being stuffed into my Volvo, along with Jasper's things. He lived in downtown Seattle with his parents, and since he didn't have his car here I offered him a ride back. Less gas for everyone.

Once we were in the car he buckled up and I hopped onto the highway.

" Hey, do you remember that girl that Alice mentioned a few times. The one she met her first year that lived in Vancouver for school, but moved out after sophmore year to attend Cambridge in England."

" I think so. Alice mentioned her once to me."

" She applied the summer after Sophmore year, she was studying in English to become a writer, magazines, newspapers. Well, yeah. Apparently she just graduated and she's coming back to America, she lives in Seattle, but with her dad working, your parents asked her if she would like to stay somewhat with you guys."

I hopped on the highway, swearing under my breath at the silver Honda that cut me off. People these days were in such a hurry, it's not like the world was ending anytime soon. Take time to stop and smell the rose's for fucks sake.

" Why is this so important?" I asked quietly.

Jasper rolled his eyes " A girl, in your house, besides your mother and sister."

" Jasper, I'm just not into relationships right now. I've got school to worry about."

He patted my shouler " Don't be so shy. I need to break you out of this turtle shell. Your only going to be twenty four, don't give up now. I've seen pictures of her, she's really pretty."

" Fake blonde with fake boobs?" I asked with a dark chuckle.

" Dude, she got into Cambridge with a full Academic Scholarship. But, she's really pretty, in a real way."

I put in a CD, ignoring Jasper all together. He glared at me before taking a drink from his Coke and looking out the window. I tapped on the steering wheel as I drove towards home, excited to see Alice for the first time since Christmas. I missed Alice when she was gone, though we talked on the phone often and used Instant Messenger.

When we got to Jasper's, I helped him get his things to his room, saying hello to his mother. She was so stiff, and the music playing in the house was terrible. Jasper needed this television. I knew she wanted to say something when we carried it up, but said nothing. Jasper is grown man, he can have a fucking television in his bedroom.

Once everything was in his room, he said he'd see me later on and I headed on home, which was about twenty minutes away. I drove and drove, waiting to see the familar driveway starting. When I did, I made a right and drove down our long driveway until the house broke through. I sighed and parked behind my father's Mercedes. Esme was waiting on the stairs. It didn't matter that we were less then an hour away, we still didn't see eachother often due to the fact that school is so busy.

I parked the car and stepped out. Esme looked entirely happy to see me, and she started running towards me, her loose carmel swinging in the air before she locked her arms around my waist and held me close. I put my arms around her, hugging her back not to make her feel bad.

" I've missed you so much, precious boy. How are you doing? Are you eating good?"

Esme constantly worried about my eating habits, knowing that in highschool I was very up and down with my weight because of stress.

I pulled away from her and stood awkwardly " Yes."

" Good. Now where is Emmett to help with your things. I know he is here somewhere, he was so excited to see you and Alice. He's been so bored these past few days."

" Eddie!"

I hated that stupid nickname with passion.

He came barelling down the stairs and towards me, obviously forgetting my touching issues. I backed into my car, tensing up immediatly and everyone seemed to stop moving as I stared in pure terror. My blood was cold. I could feel the panic flooding in. Emmett immediatly backed up, an apologetic look on his face.

" I'm sorry." I said quietly.

" No, Edward. Really, I just forget sometimes...Need help with your things? I've already gotten my room finished."

I coughed " Yeah, sure."

When I heard crunching on the gravel, I immediatly knew it was Alice and I looked over, seeing her yellow Porsche. I swear she probably loved that thing just as much as Carlisle and Esme, it has been her prized possession since she got it when she turned eighteen. She stepped out of the car and was next to me in an instant.

" You always beat me...I missed you so much."

She squeezed my waist tightly until she let go, walking over to Esme and Carlisle to greet them. Emmett frowned at her, pretending to be upset that he didn't get a hug.

" Sorry, Edward is the favorite." she said with a laugh

I heard the passenger door open of Alice's Porsche and out walked the most beautiful women I've every seen

Her long chocolate colored hair cascaded in curls over her shoulder and to the middle of her back. It had a little bit of a natural red and gold tint to it, which almost made it look like a mahogany color. Her eyes, well they were the same color, brown, but they were so much more expressive. She was visably wearing makeup, but not too much. Her complexion was also really pale, similar to people here in Washington.

She was taller then Alice, but shorter then my six foot one inch frame. Maybe five foot five inches. She was thin, but healthy with soft curves. She shut the passenger door of my sisters Porsche and stepped towards us.

She was wearing a brown tanktop with a thin tan colored sweater over it that buttoned up, along with a pair of skinny jeans and high heels that matched her sweater.

" Everyone, this is my best friend, Bella. Bella, this is my family."

Esme smiled warmly" Bella, it's so nice to meet you. Alice has said many great things about you." she said, reaching forward to shake her hand.

" It's also very nice to meet you, thank you for opening your home and letting me stay for some of the summer. My father really isn't around much, I would probably be here often anyways."

She had the most adorable british accent that I've ever heard.

" It's a pleasure, any friend of Alice's is a friend of ours. I'm Carlisle this is my wife Esme."

She shook Carlisle's hand and I saw Emmett stick his meaty hand out right infront of her, startling her just the slightest. She reached forward and grasped it her small hand.

" You must be...Emmett? Right?" she asked, shaking his hand.

He nodded " The one and only, I bet Alice speaks amazing things about me. Right, Al."

Bella laughed " Kind of...My father knows you, he's run into you more then a hand full of times when pulled over on streets."

Her father was a police officer?

Emmett blushed and shrugged in embarassment. Him and Rosalie were adventurous in high school, and still when they come to visit. They are anything but embarassed about normally, infact they act proud of it. Esme and Carlisle sure aren't.

When she turned to me, she looked wary and I shot a look at Alice.

" You must be, Edward. Alice talks endlessly about you. It's very nice to meet you."

I shook her hand and quickly dropped it afterwards.

" You, too."

Alice broke the awkwardness by speaking up.

" Alright! Enough with the introductions. We've got lots of things."

" How did you manage to fit your things in that car of yours?" I asked.

" Well, it was no trouble. And Bella here came back to America with a suitcase of clothes and electronics and books. Well, her box of books were sent here."

I nodded.

Everyone helped out putting Alice's and I's boxes in our bedroom. And with working together it went pretty fast. I caught a few glimpse's of Bella, and I was absolutely taken. She was so beautiful, almost too beautiful. I couldn't help but stare at her the whole entire time. It was impossible not to. I'd never found myself thinking about a women as I did her. She was so pretty, but girls like her don't like guys like me.

I saw her standing in the foyer talking to Esme, smiling happily with her suitcase next to her feet on the floor. When Esme spotted me, she nodded me over, asking to speak with me for a moment. I stood next to her, wondering what she needed.

" I hate asking so much of you, Edward. I know that you like your privacy, and I don't want too ask you this. You know that the guest room is kind of a mess and we need to do a little bit of fixing with the walls, and change the carpet. Since we've been re-modeling the basement, we haven't had time to fix it up, never really having a reason to get it done rushed. Because of that, I was hoping that maybe Isabella could sleep in your bed for her stay."

After everything they have done for me, I knew that I had to tell her that it was fine.

" Yeah, sure. I'll just...Stay on the couch."

Esme frowned " I'm sorry, Edward... You just have a nice room, and I don't want to give her Emmett's bed."

I sighed internally. I'd been sleeping on a hard dorm mattress, but I guess I could continue to slum it for Alice's guest.

" It's fine, really."

I walked over to Bella and lifted up her suitcase.

" No, it's fine. I can carry my things." she argued.

" I've got it."

Emmett walked over to us, a big grin on his face.

" Where is she sleeping? If ya'll really have to she can take my bed and I can sneak it to Rosie's at nighttime, just don't tell her parents."

" Emmett, not to disrespect your bedroom, but I think it would be better to sleep in a bed that hasn't..." she trailed off.

" Been defiled." Alice finished " Emmett, you may have not met Bella, but trust me, she knows all about all of you. Especially you Emmett."

Alice's comment made me nervous, but I just led Bella upstairs and down the hall towards the last door, letting her go first up the second set of steps to the third floor.

" It must be very quiet up here." she noted.

" It's nice to get away from the noise."

She smiled at me and I opened my bedroom door. The room was cold and quiet, and exactly hod I had left it before college. I missed all of my music collection and my stereo, I loved music as a kid, along with playing the piano. It brought me great joy.

" Who'd bedroom is this?"

" It's mine. I told Esme you could have my bedroom since the guest room is still not fixed up yet."

" Oh, no. I really can't do that. I'll be here all summer, and I can't take that from you."

She looked like she genuinely felt bad about it, and I immediatly wanted to make her feel better.

I saw the hesitance in her eyes and I set her suitcase down.

" Thank you for carrying my things. I appreciate it."

" In my closet it's a walk in, two sides of shelves so you can just take the right side, and there is a small dresser in there underneath the shelf. Low enough though so your clothing won't be laying on it. Feel free to do that. The bathroom is in the hall to the right. We have to share a bathroom, I hope you don't mind. If you want you can use Alice's or something."

I had four boxes and a suitcase with me. My suitcase held my clothes, and a few pairs of shoes. A small box held my laptop, iPod, iDoc. Another held my movies, a few CD's and books. One had all of my game console's, and the other held all of the cords for said console's.

I walked over to my bed, and the white and amber bed set and saw that everything had been washed, and my mother had even dusted my wrought iron headboard. That thing was a bitch to clean with all of the rose shaped iron that was twisted in an intricate design.

I looked over and saw how she bent down shyly, tucking her hair behind her ear as she took out a few things. She really did not have much clothes. Alice would be taking care of that pretty soon.

She took out a laptop, an iPod and iDoc, and a whole collection of books. She had atleast fifteen books piled in. Bronte, Shakespear, Austen, Hemingway an-

" Bella, don't even pretend you forgot about this box of books. My mom said it got here yesterday in the UPS. I hope you don't mind that I looked through it, but damn you've got about every vampire romance novel in there. I was reading one of the Sookie Stackhouse books, and one had this really hot sex sce-"

" Alice! .Mouth." she growled, sliding the box towards her.

Alice looked at me and smiled widely " I think she reads more then you. Is that even possible?" Alice said, bouncing out of the room.

I said nothing about the books and Bella looked up at me.

" Do you mind if I put this in the closet?"

I shook my head.

I took out all of my game consoles and put them on the coffee table, making sure that the cords were folded up neatly, along with the remotes that were placed in order.

I put the games in the small drawers and grabbed my movies, stacking them on the long shelf that was on my right wall. Once they were in order, I went onto the CD's, working around the room silently as Bella messed around with her things, looking confused as hell. She had a few movies in her bag and I looked over at her as I put a few CD's in their spot.

" You can just stack some of your things on here if you need." I offered, trying to be nice.

Of course she put them on there, farthest away from my things. I put my iDoc in a box in the closet, not needing it because of my stereo. It could play my iPod, and CD's, along with radio. My record player was on a shelf above it.

At around four Bella went downstairs and I continued putting my things away before Emmett told me to get downstairs for dinner. Esme had made a beef and vegetable strew, and it was served on the dining table. I'd missed home cooked meals.

Alice nudged me with her elbow, poking my ribs with a smile on her face.

" Man do you learn to appreciate homemade meals. I'm so glad to be home." Alice said, taking a huge chunk of beef and shoving it into her mouth. I rolled my eyes at her, sighing quietly at my bowl.

Once dinner was finished I helped clean up and went back to my bedroom, hanging my clothes up in my closet. Isabella's were already sorted, but there were maybe only ten shirts. Alice came into my room a bit later, laying flat on my bed with a small smile on her face.

I hung my last shirt and stepped back into my bedroom. Alice sat up and stared at me.

" I saw you looking at her when she stepped out of the car, Edward."

I said nothing.

" I've told her a little bit about you, not about your past, but like highschool and college and stuff. I asked her if she thought you were cute and she blushed. I know that your shy, but she really is a great person, Edward."

" I've got school to worry about. I'm not really looking for a relationship."

Alice shrugged " Anything can happen, it's summer."

**Authors Note- So...**

**This is very different from what I write. Normally I have a happy go lucky Edward, but this one...This is depressedward and lostinmythoughtsward. I hope you like and I would appreciate a review.**

**This story will be updated every Wednesday. I don't have as many chapers lined up as I do Ambivalence, so I actually have to keep writing and writing.**

**Bella's Outfit is in my profile, scroll all the way down until you see Deep Into The Darkness Link, and underneath are going to be the future links that I need to post.**


	2. Settling

**Authors Note- Thank you all for the reviews last chapter, I'm really glad your all interested in reading the story and following on this journey.**

**Disclaimer- owns all things Twilight.**

EPOV

The rest of the night was slow, and I was already with a blanket and pillow on the couch in the living room by ten thirty. It wasn't the most comfortable surface to sleep on, and I knew I would get a backache, but I would be deal. I put on a pair of flannel pants and a wifebeater, settling in for sleep. Emmett was still at Rosalie's, and from what I knew Alice and Bella were upstairs.

Esme came down and wished me goodnight, and as I started to fall asleep, I noticed that all of her precious moments had been put away, and were gone from the room. The shelves replaced with pictures of the family.

~\\~

When I awoke, the clock on the wall said that it was nine thirty. And while I wanted more sleep, the sizzling and popping of bacon would be impossible to ignore. I never ate food in the morning, because I got sick often if I did. I pushed the blanket off and stood up, running my hands roughly over my face to make myself more awake

I walked into the kitchen and saw Esme at the stove turning bacon over. Alice, Bella and Emmett were propped on the bar stools, talking between themselves quietly as Esme cooked.

" Good morning!" Alice chirped as I poured a cup of coffee.

I wished sometimes that I could be like Alice. Always happy, seeing the good side of everything. Carefree. Happy. She always bounced around with a smile on her face, and Emmett was just the same with a goofy ass grin.

I was the messed up adopted child that saw the bad in everything, and didn't smile too often. The soft spoken person that refused any contact from men, just a touch of a shoulder was enough to give me a panic attack and shrink into a corner. It had happened before, and it wasn't like it would go away in time. I still dealt with fear everyday of my life.

My name was Edward _Masen_, I wasn't a happy go lucky _Cullen._

" Hi." I mumbled, stirring cream and sugar into my coffee.

" Do you want breakfast, sweetie?"

I shook my head " No."

" He doesn't eat in the morning, you know that mom." Alice said with a smile.

Emmett smiled " I'll take food for two. I have no idea how you run on empty in the morning. Food gets me going!"

" I get sick if I eat in the morning." I deadpanned, sipping my coffee as I sat alone at the table.

" Like, my stomach hurts sick, or like...barfing sick."

Alice rolled her eyes at Emmett " Let him be."

" I'll take that as option two."

After finishing my cup of coffee, I stood up, ready to get on with the day and take a shower. Emmett stopped me by saying my name. I looked over at him, and saw Bella, who was sitting next to him, staring at the scars on my arms. I shifted uncomfortably and she looked away, blushing.

" Edward, my dad started draining the pool out this morning at around six, and he asked if I could start cleaning it out and filling it up. Since it's pretty big, I was wondering if you could help out? Jasper is coming here at around ten thirty to help out."

" Uh, yeah." I said, raking my hand through my hair.

" Cool."

I took a shower anyways, and put on a pair of swim trunks, ones that were barely used at all. I had a feeling that this year they were going to try and get me in the pool, Alice begged me all last summer, but with the internship, I had no free time. This summer I had no excuses.

After putting a black shirt on, I brushed my teeth and walked downstairs. I went to the laundry room and grabbed a black bucket, filling it with bleach and water, also grabbing three scrub brushes. The doorbell rang and I went out back as Emmett answered it.

I set the bucket by the pool and heard the backdoor open, revealing Emmett and Jasper, both wearing swim attire but no shirts. I grasped the ladder and hopped down into the eight foot pool and got to cleaning. Thoroughly scrubbing the lining of the pool, which had algae remains on it. I nodded to Jasper's greeting and he grabbed the ladder.

" Ugh, ready to clean this bitch?" Emmett said as Jasper got in.

It's really a job cleaning out our huge rectangle shaped pool. We didn't have an underground pool, more upper ground. The lining didn't get too dirty, but there was alway a green ring and splatters of green everywhere. It stained on, and a strong arm was needed to get it just the slightest off.

Emmett and Jasper were holding a broom like brush, pushing the dirty water towards the drain. The water was already pulling towards the drain and away from the edges of the liner, and the water had algae so Emmett and Jasper were brushing it quickly so it wouldn't be on the bottom liner much.

The sky was actually clear and sunny. It didn't rain as much in Seattle, and there were sunny days. When we Emmett and I went through a small town of Forks and Port Angeles, those places were just so damn depressing.

The humidity and heat was intense, and I was sweating alot, but I didn't dare attempt to take my shirt off. I wiped the sweat on my brow and kept on scrubbing.

It was in the early eighties today, but the heat was already so intense as it beamed down on all of us.

" Dude, aren't you melting in that shirt?" Jasper asked

I shrugged.

" Why don't you just take it off." he said.

" Jasper...He doesn't like to." Emmett said.

I hated when people spoke for me, it bothered me because it made me feel like people thought I was unable to talk, in a way I didn't like to be too social. But I didn't like people speaking for me, I had my own thoughts and I can voice them if I feel it necessary.

" Nobody is going to stare at you, Edward." I heard Alice say as she came out back, Bella on her heal with a book in hand.

" Yeah, were not going to stare."

None of them have ever seen my back, only Carlisle had, and he never really told anyone the extent of the scars, but they were enough to make someone run away.

" Can you just leave it the fuck alone. If I want to wear a damn shirt I will. You already fucking know I have scars on my back, and I am not putting them all on display for you all to stare at." I snapped.

They said nothing.

Once the water was down the drain, Emmett took a hose and sprayed down the bottom and the walls that I had scrubbed before helping me to finish it up. Jasper finished up a spot on the lining and it was basically clean.

" Oh, we've got the men hot and sweaty working in the pool." I heard Rose say as her heels tapped on the deck that was around the pool.

Emmett laughed " Thanks, babe."

" Bella seems to be enjoying the view." Alice commented.

" Shut the hell up, Alice. You have no idea what your talking about."

I reached up towards the deck, planting my feet flat on the lining as I lifted myself out of the pool, my arm muscles straining. Once I was up Alice handed me my bottle of water, I thanked her quietly and I felt her touch my hair.

" Even your hair is damp, gross." she said with a wrinkle of her nose.

Alice sat next to me in her pink bunny shorts and matching tanktop, swinging her legs back and fourth as she stared into the empty pool.

" Sorry about the shirt comment, I know that you don't like showing your scars. But we don't look at you any different, Edward. I love you just like I love Emmett."

I nodded.

Alice stood " I'm going to take a shower. Will you be okay, Bella?"

I looked over and saw her sitting on one of the loungers, legs crossed indian style. She was holding a book in her hands, it was yellow-ish and I recognized it as Dracula by Bram Stoker

" Of course, go ahead."

She sat and read as Emmett, Jasper and I finished up with the pool. Rosalie was in the house doing something unknown and I knew that Esme was probably working in the basement. They were planning on putting carpet down there, with wood paneled walls. And they were going to make a tiled bar, and then put the pool table in there, mount a television on the wall and get a couch, along with set up all of our old game systems. Even ones they had when they were younger such as regular Nintendo and Colecovision. The Colecovision didn't work perfectly, but the Nintendo was still very good, we also had Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64, Game Cube, PS1 and PS2, Xbox and a few other systems. They didn't own the newest systems, but I owned a Wii, PS3 and Xbox 360. I'd had no idea what the hell a game console was until I met this family, and Emmett used games as a way to try and bond with me.

Although I had kept my Guitar Hero and Rockband guitars, drums and microphones here because dorms are anything but spacious, and I wouldn't want to chance anything getting stolen or something just in case. I mostly did homework or would read a little bit, on the weekends I would play video games a bit, and do more homework or study for something.

Bella went into the house at some point, and at around two, Emmett Jasper and I were already putting the hose in the pool for it to fill up. Our plan was to just let it run today, all night and then it would be full in the morning, then let the heater warm it up to around eighty, and then just let it run it's course.

The hottub we have is in a little make-shift building with a television, and it runs all year around. Emmett was upstairs taking a shower, and I heard Alice's graceful footsteps on the stairs and down the hall until she stopped infront of me, smiling.

" Edward."

I knew that by the way she said my name, Alice wanted something.

" What, Alice?"

She looked in my eyes, her own eyes wide with her innocent face on.

" Well...Bella hasn't really got much clothes for the summer, and she is really lacking in shirts. My car is too small, so I was wonder if maybe we could borrow the Volvo."

My Black Volvo XC60, my most prized possession. I never let anybody drive my car. I paid for it, rejected any money that Carlisle and Esme offered. I wanted to call something my own, and that was my car.

" You fit all of your college shit in your car." I retorted.

" Please, Edward. I promise if I even get a scratch on it, I will buy you a brand new car."

I groaned and she grabbed my forearm, tugging on it as she gave me her puppy dog eyes.

" Fine, but I swear to god, Alice..."

" I'll be very, very careful. We won't eat in it or anything!"

I sighed and nodded, walking past her towards my bedroom. When I got upstairs, I heard Bella in the bathroom with the sink running. I stepped into my bedroom and grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, along with a pair of boxers.

Bella walked into my bedroom, picking up her bag from the floor.

" Oh, hi." she said, taking notice of my presence.

" Uh...Hello."

" Thanks for letting me stay in your bedroom for my stay. I appreciate it alot. Esme told me this morning that she is going to get the guest room together."

I stood awkwardly " It's fine, really."

Then I realized that we'd been staring at eachother for a few minutes, with not even a thought of looking away. She looked at me as if she were trying to figure me out. I immediatly looked away and walked out of the room, locking myself into the bathroom and turning the shower water on.

After another shower I dressed in my jeans and t-shirt, re-brushing my teeth and putting on a pair of socks and Nike's. I didn't even bother to do anything with my hair, instead I went back into my bedroom and settled on my black leather couch with one of my books. I'd taken up to reading the Harry Potter Series after watching the movies, and after hearing about it from Jasper, I relented and bought the damn book collection and got into reading them. I mostly read dark fantasy books or world literature.

I was interrupted by a knock on the door. I looked up just as Esme walked in my bedroom, closing the door behind her gently. I sat up straight and closed my book, setting it in my lap. She took a seat next to me, smiling.

" Is that a good book?" she asked

" Um...yeah." I said nervously.

She smiled " I just wanted to come up and ask you how you were doing. Are you doing okay without the therapy, Edward? I know that you stopped a few months ago. I worry about you."

" I need to learn to deal with things on my own. I can't rely on people to deal with my issues for me."

" I know that, Edward. But you know it's okay to need help sometimes, right?"

No.

" Yes."

" Good. If you ever need to talk, the door is always open. I know you don't like talking about your past, but you can talk to me."

It always started out like that. That I could talk to them. It wouldn't help anything. All I would be doing is wasting their time explaining my life story, only make me feel bare and exposed. They wouldn't look at me the same if they knew _everything._

" Well, I wanted to ask you if you were interested in helping Carlisle and I fix up the guest bedroom. I know that your already doing enough by giving up your room. But all that needs to be done is fix some of the dents in the dry wall, and we have spackle and a putty scraper. All it needs is fresh paint and new carpet after that."

How hard could it be fixing up a room?

" I've already got Alice on the decorating part when it comes to colors. And we all know that Emmett would not commit."

" Sure, I'll do it for you both."

" You don't have to start right away, maybe you do considering you probably want your bedroom back. Although if you look on the plus side, atleast your bed will smell good."

I looked away, fighting a smile.

" Do you like her?" Esme asked bluntly.

" I'm not looking for romance this summer."

She smiled brightly " That wasn't a no."

I tugged at my hair and shifted in my spot on the couch. Maybe I didn't flatout answer no, but I wasn't exactly crushing on her, I just thought she was beautiful and I wanted to know more about her. It's not like she would want to get to know me, she seems just as shy as I am. After Victoria, I am not sure if I want a relationship. What if she ends up pushy, or better yet, unaccepting knowing about my past.

As my mind ran through all of these different questions and outcomes of situations, Esme looked at me.

" I think she is beautiful. After a day of knowing her she seems genuine, not to mention all of the nice things Alice has said about her. Summer is a good amount of time, kid. Maybe she is just what you need to break a little bit out of your shell."

With that she left, leaving me to ponder too many things at once.

Maybe if I did bother to get to know her this summer it could be a good thing.

It would only end in heartbreak though. I still have three years of medical school left, along with my residency for a full three years to learn the ropes of being in the hospital. I would be getting up at seven, going to classes and then heading to the hospital and getting back late.

I could never have a girlfriend and know that I have no time for her. I would get the weekends off, but in that time I would be taking all of that time to study because of being busy during the week. I would feel terrible if she was missing having me around, and I didn't want to miss the person back because things would only get complicated when it started to wear thin.

There was no time for relationships and breakups with where I am in life now.

~\\~

The next few days seemed to flow pretty quickly, and I'd got to working on the guest bedroom. I definately looked like it had been a previous kids playroom. The floor was an ugly pink color and the white walls were colored on with nail holes on the walls and ceiling. What from, I had absolutely no idea.

I'd never been in there.

Bella had offered to help me fix up the room, considering she would be staying in it, but I refused her help. She was a guest in the house, and I could have her do this. Instead she told me that she was going to help paint the walls, end of story.

She was a pretty determined person, and I liked that about her. Not one to give up easily, even when it came to something that wasn't even that important. Today I was working on fixing the walls, and I heard Alice come in as I smeared the spackle on.

Sleeping on the couch really wasn't doing much good for my back, it had been been aching a little bit these past few days. But I could surely suck it up and say nothing about it, life can be alot worse then sleeping somewhere uncomfortable. I'm lucky I even have a place to sleep.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Alice who bounced happily in the room with a huge grin.

" Edward! I've got everything perfect for this room."

I smiled, knowing that Alice was probably going to be in straight detail mode about how the room was going to look in the final end product. I knew that Esme and Alice had started buying things, and they were storing it in the hallway here currently, which was a little cramped, but there was nowhere else to put it really.

The few boxes and things in the room was cleared out, only a ladder, a tarp and a few other tools. I had to use a hammer to get out a few nails that were still in the wall, and alot of them were stuck right into a peice of wood. Carlisle had put the boxes in the attic, letting it sit with other toys that Alice and Emmett had as a child.

" Okay, so I am planning for the walls to be red. Not a blood red, but like a bright christmas red. And I found these really cute butterfly shaped mirrors, but they are really small and more for decoration, and I am going to design them around picture frames, which I plan to put sunsets and beach pictures in them, which I think will give the room a more mature and fun feel. The bed will be white with bright red, lime green and silver pillows. Mom ordered a white wood armoire, and the headboard is rectangular and it matches the armoire. The curtains are going to be silver, which I already found the perfect ones at bed, bath and beyond. Everything matches perfectly!"

" Oh, and Esme told me to tell you that she called Friday, yesterday, and the people are coming to install the carpet on Thursday, she convinced them to come as soon as they could. I already got the paint color marked and everything, all it needs is for someone to go to Home Depot to get the paint. Bella said she would go and get it, so I figured you both could go together!"

I nodded, listening to everything that Alice had to say, becoming slightly nervous at the last part about Bella coming with me. I wouldn't act like a sissy about it, just Alice's friend coming with me to get paint for a guest bedroom. I also needed to get white paint for the ceiling, plastic trays, paint rollers and brushes.

All of the ceiling holes were already taken care of, and I only had a few more to go on this wall. I would paint it tomorrow, just to ensure dryness. I could paint around the wooden fan, not wanting to take it off and bother with all of that unnecessary shit.

Alice chatted on and on about the room while I used spackle on all of the holes, and I even got her to do a few, but she didn't exactly do it right, and most of it stuck on the wall and not in the hole. We laughed about it in the end as I scraped much of it off.

By the time I was finished with the holes, it was already five. Dinner was going to be ready in and hour so I figured I would leave now. Alice stopped me in the foyer, telling me to wait just a second for Bella.

A moment later she appeared on the stairs, wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and a blue top. The color against her pale skin was very pretty, and I noticed that she was wearing converse, much to Alice's obvious distaste. She was holding her bag in one hand as she stopped on the last step, tripping the slightest.

" Have fun, be safe." Alice said with a wicked grin.

I shot a glare in her direction and we stepped out of the front door.

" It's okay that I come along, right?" she asked beside me, sounding shy.

" Yes, of course." I responded quietly.

I walked over to my Volvo and unlocked the doors, rushing over to the passenger side to open Bella's door for her. She looked completely shocked at the gesture, but looked thankful anyways. I shut the door and jogged to the other side, quickly getting in the drivers seat and starting up the engine.

I wasn't raised in the best home, but I knew how to act like a gentlemen towards the ladies. My mother taught me to respect.

" Thanks for opening my door."

I shrugged and put the car in reverse.

" I was sure chivarly was dead." I heard her mumble under her breath.

I chuckled darkly and turned the car around, driving down the long driveway. I made a left from the house and hopped on the highway to get to Home Depot quicker. There were two ways, but I figured faster is better when dinner is supposed to be served in an hour.

Bella was staring at my iPod that I had put in here yesterday when I went out. She looked like she wanted to put it on or something, I glanced over at her and she immediatly looked out of the window, acting as if she hadn't just been looking at it.

I had to admit that she was pretty cute.

" You can mess around with my iPod if you want. I don't mind."

She turned her head, and I noticed she was blushing. That just made her damn adorable.

Fuck! What the hell am I thinking? Cute and adorable? Edward Masen does not think that way, at all. Never.

I was still mentally scolding myself when I heard the iPod sound out of my speakers. It was so fucking loud that I winced away from it, reaching my arm out to turn it down. Why in the hell was it on so loud, I was listening to classical music on low yesterday.

" Shit! Sorry, I had no idea that it was on so loud."

I growled " Fucking, Emmett. Needs to learn how to keep his damn hands to himself."

She smiled " I know what you mean. I've been here five days and I found him looking through my drawers this morning. He didn't even say anything after I asked him what he was doing. And of course he had to pick a certain drawer to rifle through."

I rolled my eyes " Emmett has a thing for underwear drawers, he thinks that by what a women wears, it shows who she really is. He was looking through Alice's about a year back while he was testing this theory. He announced at the damn table that Alice is; ' a modest women with a wild side'. And everyone thought _I _was the mental one."

The girl looked mortified.

" Tell me that he isn't going to say anything at the table."

" Don't worry about it, just let Emmett be Emmett. If you mention it, he definately will."

She nodded " You know, this is the first time I've heard you speak alot...Well, besides the whole shirt thing." she noted, playing with a string on her top.

Bella was probably right, I never spoke this much, maybe in my head, but I always gave short answers. I talk with Alice when we are alone, but not to people I have not known, especially people I don't really know. I don't talk to Emmett as much as I just did her.

" I don't really talk."

" Can I ask you a question. You really don't have to answer."

What could one question hurt?

Alot.

I sighed and gave a short nod.

" Are you really related to the Cullen's as Carlisle's nephew? It's just, that's what Alice has told me, and that's all she has told me, but I can't see it. Your totally and complete opposites, and Carlisle said that he was an only child, so I figured maybe I heard it wrong."

What? Couldn't Alice of just told her I was adopted after my parents died, and I was _not _related to her in any way shape or form.

I paused for a moment, gripping the steering wheel with my hands.

" No, I'm not. Carlisle was the doctor that was with me when I was in the hospital. He and Esme decided to adopt me before I went into foster care."

" In the hospital? For what?"

I stayed quiet.

She was a smart girl, she could figure it out why I was in the hospital by just looking at my arms. I saw her glance over at me, staring at me openly. I turned a right on the ramp to get off the highway.

" I'm sorry. I'm prying. I don't mean to, I just...want to get to know you more."

She wanted to get to know me more. Nobody had really said that in such plain and simple words to me unless they were trying to figure out my past. I hated how people labled me because of it. I was a slap in the face looking at them, and I always thought about it.

" I'm not interesting." I deadpanned.

I saw her smirk " I think you are...I don't bite, you know."

That made me laugh " Sure about that? You read vampire erotica, I imagine lots of biting." I said without exactly thinking.

She glared at me, a playful look in her eyes " Fine, you've got me there. But it's not like I sit there and repeat every single scene that has sex in it. And I am twenty two, I am free to read any book that I want."

" What if you left it in the open and your parents just happen to pick it up."

" They won't."

" When they do, I'll be there telling you I told you so."

The laugh that escaped her mouth was absolutely the most beautiful noise I had ever heard.

...

What is happening to my thoughts?

**Authors Note- Okay! Now, before you review, or do whatever you plan on doing after reading this, just give me a moment to say a few things.**

**In the beginning of the story, there aren't going to be these absolute huge events. It's summer time, there will be a little drama, but they are going to be having some fun. Of course past lingers, and towards the middle and end of the summer, things will start to get a little bit more serious and the conflicts and events will start to brew. I just wanted to let everyone know this, because I won't be doing the big even in say...chapter five, it's too soon to get so so serious.**

**Now, thank you for your time.**

**Wait! Follow me on twitter to get Deep Into the Darkness teasers every Sunday. I also talk about what I am writing, doing and generally babble. Link in profile for my twitter page!**

**Review if you'd like!**


	3. Unexplained, Sudden Feelings

**Authors Note- Happy Wednesday to you all. I hope you week is going well. Thank you for all the reviews, I appreciate them and I love hearing what you all have to say!**

**Disclaimer- owns all things Twilight.**

EPOV

When we reached Home Depot we headed straight to the paint section and I showed the lady the color that was needed. She typed away on the paint stained keyboard and gave me the price for two paint cans that I'd said I needed. After paying her for the paint, she said that we had twenty minutes until it would be finish. She suggested that I wait, but I had other things to get here so I just headed off to take care of that to kill time.

I didn't see the point in staying when I could use that time to get other things, but she insisted it would be best to stay. I just shook my head and headed down and aisle.

Bella smiled next to me as we walked towards the huge, white paint containers. The way she was smiling at me told me she wanted to say something, but something was holding her back. Apparently not for long though.

After we were out of ear shot of anyone, she started laughing.

" She was totally eye fucking you. Did you see the way she batted her eyelashes? Wow, that was great. We should go out in public together if I see that."

I looked at her, shocked at the words coming out of her mouth.

" Um, are you sure that maybe she wasn't into girls and checking you out?"

" NO! Are you kidding. She was seriously undressing you with her eyes."

I hope the picture in her head was better then the real life me.

" She's like fourty. I'm only twenty three."

" Well apparently she likes 'em young."

I smiled and grabbed a container. It was fucking heavy, but I could carry it somehow. Bella nudged my side with her elbow and I looked over at her.

" I think your arm might break off. Here."

She grabbed the obnoxious orange colored cart and I lifted the paint up into it, setting it down inside with a loud thud. I rolled the car along the aisle's as I picked up two plastic trays, two rollers and two paintbrushes. I'd originally gotten one, but when Bella saw that, she made me grab more. I felt like I could act different around her, I didn't feel so shy.

We picked up the paint, Bella hiding laughs the entire time the lady looked at me. When I got to check out I saw Bella taking out a few twenties. I took out my debit and slid her money away, she slid it back and we went back and forth as the man stared at us.

" I've got it." I ground out

She looked at him. " Were going to break it, so I'll give you fifty here, and he can pay the rest." she said angelically.

I swiped my card and punched in my number before the guy could do anything. Everthing was already scanned. The man slid her back the money and he bagged the brushes before giving me the receipt for the purchase. As I rolled the cart towards the Volvo, I could clearly see Bella steaming.

" I just wanted to help."

I said nothing.

" What, we talk and now your going to be all quiet just like you are back at the Cullen's?"

I put the paint in the car, along with the bag and opened the passenger door, walking around to the other side. Once I was in I shut the door and started up the engine. She slammed the passenger door and I internally winced as I backed out of the space.

The car was quiet the whole back back home, and when I parked, she went straight up to the house with not even a backwards glance. Then she realized she was locked out. I grabbed the huge paint container and bag, leaving the trunk open to go back for the red paint.

When I got up the stairs, her arms were folded across her chest, she looked annoyed. I took my keys out and opened the front door. She went straight upstairs without a word. I carried everything to the bedroom, and then went back for the red paint. After locking up the Volvo I shoved my keys in my pocket and headed back upstairs.

My bedroom door was cracked, and I hesitated.

This was my fucking room, I shouldn't be hesitant. I walked in, seeing her sitting on the edge of the bed. She was biting her lip and tugging at her hair. It reminded me of me. Her head snapped up when she saw me, but then she once again looked down.

I set my keys on my table, along with my phone. I set my iPod back on it's iDoc and walked out of the room, straight downstairs to where I smelt dinner cooking

Of course when dinner was ready they sat Bella next to me, and I felt weird and awkward now. Esme had made a lemon and garlic chicken with mashed potatoes and seasoned green beans. She always knew how to make good meals.

When I lived with my parents I normally had to eat takeout food, but I never gained a pound because of a fast metabolism and I did so much work around the house that I kept up my strength. I still work out, and I did at college, I also have a membership at the local Cardinal Fitness downtown.

" Edward!"

I was startled, coming back from out of my thoughts. I always seemed to get stuck in my head and go off into another world. It happened even as a child, and I always had gotten trouble for it. I looked up and saw Esme staring at me, looking concerned.

" Yes?"

" I was asking how to the room was coming along?"

" I've already filled the nail holes in the walls. I'll paint the ceiling and walls tomorrow."

She nodded " The furniture will be here in about two weeks. It's being delivered from a boutique in france, they have such nice, ornate things."

I nodded and set my fork down, standing up to clean my dish.

I dumped all of the food in the disposal and put it in the dishwasher. I'd barely eaten anything, not feeling hungry for some odd reason. After the table was cleaned off and everyone was finished, Carlisle pulled me aside in the hallway as I headed upstairs.

"I've noticed your not eating much at dinner. Is everything okay?"

" I'm just not very hungry, nothing is going on."

" Okay, but if you feel off, just come and talk to me. You have to eat, Edward. I don't want you doing what you did when you were younger."

I nodded in understanding and Alice hopped up towards me, tugging on my arm.

" Rosalie is coming over and were going to watch movies in the living room. Will you watch with us. Emmett and Jasper are going to be here."

I sighed " Alice...I don't-"

" You never do. Please, just this once! I swear I won't ask you again."

" Fine."

I walked upstairs and went into the guest bedroom instead of my bedroom, knowing that Bella was in there. I sat on the floor fiddling with the hem of my jeans. I stayed in the quiet room, and I knew that I had to go downstairs eventually.

I heard a knock on the door frame, and Alice was standing there. She walked over to me and leaned against the wall, sliding down next to me. Alice picked up my right arm and put it around her shoulders, and her head rested on my shoulder.

"What's going on, Edward? I feel like your slipping again."

In highschool I had been going throught alot of up and down depression, which messed alot with my weight. I would be average, and then I would drop twenty pounds suddenly and I had to be hospitalized for a long while because I would get terribly dehydrated, along with the fact that I had a few scars on my arms when I started to cut myself. It didn't get too bad until Esme found out about it and went to Carlisle, that was when I started therapy.

It all started out with not being hungry, then I would feel weaker and the weight would shed off. Of course I didn't want to go down that path, I knew where it would end me up, and I wasn't going back. No way in hell.

" I don't know."

" You seemed okay the first day you got here? Is it because of Bella?"

" No, it's not her." I said immediatly.

" Is all of this because you like her."

" I don't like her." I said stubbornly.

She smiled at me. " Your a terrible liar, Edward Masen. Don't even try to lie to me."

" I can't stop thinking about it." I whispered.

" Is it because this is around the time it happened?" she asked.

I nodded " It's eight years already. I can't let it go."

" Edward, you past will always be there, and you can either let it take over your life, or you can live life to it's fullest. Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you become. Your such a great person, Edward." Alice said " I don't want to see you in the hospital again. It hasn't happened in so many years, and it's starting now, I can feel it. Please, I know it's hard to talk to Carlisle and Esme, but talk to me, Edward. I may not understand, but I sure as hell will listen."

" I'm not going to give you nightmares."

" Shut up...Edward, your like my brother, you can talk to me."

I chuckled " Yeah, the messed up adopted brother that your parents felt bad for and adopted."

" EDWARD!" she said in a scolding tone.

" No, it's fine, Alice. I'm the brother you never wanted but got anyways."

" I should hit you for that."

I heard a knock on the doorframe and I looked up, seeing Bella standing there shyly. I hoped that she hadn't heard much of the conversation. Alice patted my knee and grabbed my hand, pulling me up, but failing.

" Emmett told me to come get you guys." Bella said.

Alice used with all of her strength to pull me up, and I just watched, amused, as she pulled on my arm.

" Get up, fatass!" she huffed, dropping my arm.

" It's not fat, it's muscle."

I stood up and Alice hopped down the stairs. Bella was behind me. Once we were in the living room, I already saw Emmett and Rosalie taking up the majority of the couch, and Jasper was on the ottoman. Alice quickly went to his side and I went to the loveseat, sitting at the end. Bella sat at the opposite side and they clicked on the DVD.

" Superbad? Are we seventeen?"

" Lighten up, emo." Jasper said. " Were watching Knocked Up after this one."

Superbad wasn't a terrible movie, actually it was quite enjoyable and funny and I found myself laughing at some of the parts. The liquor store scene was pretty fucking hilarious with McLovin', seriously, how could someone come up with such a stupid and funny name at the same time.

Luckily, Carlisle and Esme were upstairs when Emmett put Knocked Up in, I didn't exactly want fourty year olds sitting next to me as we watched a baby being born. It was way to graphic for my taste, and I mostly looked away from the television. Bella I think was going to be permanently red.

The last movie that they put in was 40 Year-Old Virgin. What was with the movies about people losing their virginity. It's not a big fucking deal to be 40 and not have sex. Although it's pretty pathetic when said person collects action figures.

" Fourty years without sex. I would shrivel up and die." Emmett said. " This Andy dude...He looks almost gay. Steve Carell would play the perfect gay guy for a part in a movie."

The rest of the night was quiet, and I endured watching all of the movies they put on. It made Alice happy to have me around and participating in their little fun events. I didn't want to be anti-social, but in a family like this it's very hard to fit in.

Emmett was snoring loudly on the couch and Rosalie was just laughing quietly at him as the movie came to a close and the stupid song about sunshine came on the television. This had a really stupid and pointless end with all of the damn ribbons. And what the hell was up with her dress, it looked like chickens attached to her dress and their feathers got stuck to the fabric.

I distantly felt something against my side against my ribs. Alice was smiling at me wickedly and I looked down to see a sleeping Bella, laying in an odd position with her head resting on my ribs. Her hair spilled out on my leg in chocolate waves.

" Aw, that's so cute!" Alice said excitedly.

Jasper kissed her temple " I should head home, sweetheart."

Alice frowned " Okay, you'll be over tomorrow right?"

He nodded and kissed her briefly on the lips. Rosalie followed Jasper out and Alice woke up Emmett and told him to go upstairs to his bedroom so that he would get a more comfortable sleep for the night. Once he lugged himself up the stairs, Alice looked over at me.

" Want me to wake her?" she asked.

I really didn't want Bella to have to be woken, so I shook my head and gently shifted my position, putting my arms behind her knee's and one around her back to lift her up. She felt like a bag of feathers in my arms, and ontop of that she smelt really good.

" Such a gentlemen." Alice said, skipping infront of me.

Bella shifted in my arms, resting her head on my chest, with her right hand lifting up to rest on her stomach, but somewhat touching me. I held her tighter against me and carried her up the stairs. Alice opened the end hall for me, wishing us a goodnight.

As I walked up the stairs, I heard a whisper of a noise from Bella. I was sure she was awake, but when I looked at her, she was sound asleep. As I reached the bedroom door, her voice was much more clear.

" Edward."

She was dreaming about me.

Why did a sudden thrill run through me?

Her hand suddenly gripped my shirt and I walked over to the bed. Luckily she was wearing a pair of black sweats, so I didn't have to make her sleep in jeans. I laid her in the bed after pulling the blanket back, and pulled away, only her little hands gripped my shirt. I gently pried her fingers away and she clung to the nearest pillow, my name falling from her lips once again. I draped the blanket over her small body and brushed my hand over her cheek.

I snatched my hand away and grabbed a wifebeater. I went downstairs in a pair of pajama pants and a wifebeater, settling on the couch for another night of shitty sleep.

~\\~

Sunday

May 18th

~\\~

" Emmett! Leave him alone."

I felt something on my face, it felt like a feather of some sort and it was pissing me the fuck off. When I felt it brush over my nose, I reached my arm up without warning and grabbed onto Emmett's wrist, tight enough to hold him where he was, but not enough to actually hurt him. He stopped and I opened my eyes, glaring at him.

" What. Are. You. Doing?" I asked slowly.

" N-Nothing. Morning!"

I narrowed my eyes " I'm already as uncomfortable on this damn couch as it is, I don't need you messing around with a stupid feather."

He gulped and I let his wrist go, stretching my legs and turning around to lay on my side towards the back of the couch. I felt Alice perch herself on my hip, acting as if she were a little bird. I groaned loudly in annoyance.

" Morning, sunshine. Since Esme is working on the basement, Bella is making breakfast. Blueberry pancakes and bacon!" Alice sat, shifting her boney little ass on me.

" Your so boney, stop moving." I complained.

" Don't whine, sleeping beauty. Want breakfast this morning. It's really good. Her blueberry pancakes are amazing. I think I found my personal chef."

" As if, Alice." I heard Bella say, her voice close.

" I don't eat breakfa-"

" She made you a plate. So you better eat it and like it."

I moved to sit on my back and I tried to move Alice so she wouldn't tumble, but instead she fell forward, flailing her arms and elbowing me right where it hurts. Emmett burst out in loud guffaws as I cringed in fucking pain.

I heard a door shut and the sound of Esme. Alice huffed as she sat on the ground, unaware of what she'd just done to me.

" Alice, what did you do to Edward?"

Alice turned around and suddenly she was laughing right along with Emmett. I sat up and ran my hands through my hair, tugging at my hair. It still hurt like a bitch, but I knew Alice really didn't mean to hurt me. It was my fault for moving, but I hadn't exactly expected that outcome.

" I'm sorry, Edward. It's just...so funny." she said between giggles.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the plate of breakfast, taking a bite out of the crispy bacon. I'd feel bad if I let a plate of food go to waste, so I just decided to eat a little bit of it. Once Alice and Emmett stopped laughing, Bella had come into the room with a glass of water.

" Thanks for breakfast." I said timidly 

" Thank you for carrying me upstairs last night. You should of woken me."

Alice rolled her eyes " Bella, your a bag of feathers."

After eating a bit of breakfast I took a shower and got to working on the guest bedroom. I wanted to get an early start so that by tomorrow everything could be dry. Emmett was going to help me rip the carpet out, and then on Thursday the new carpet was going to get laid out. From what I knew it was white shaggy carpet, like the one in the hallway in my bedroom. The second floor had grey and the main was mostly wood except for the cream carpet in the living room.

My iPod was already set up in here, and I was pouring white paint into a tray. Then I heard a tap on the door. When I looked up, I saw Bella standing there. I sighed, knowing that she was probably upset that I was planning on doing this without her.

" Think I am going to give up that easily?" she asked.

" I was hoping."

She was wearing a pair of shorts, showing off her perfectly toned legs, along with an old looking plaid button up. It was tied at the side, exposing a little bit of the flesh of her stomach. Her hair was pulled up in a high bun and her feet were covered in a pair of black, battered converse. She even looked so beautiful wearing such simple clothes.

" Sorry, you can't get rid of me that easily."

Bella was really short as she reached up to paint the ceiling, and the ladder wasn't working for her. I could tell she was struggling, but she looked so determined to paint the ceiling that I just let her be as I smoothely ran the roller over the drywall.

I'd done the majority of the ceiling, but I especially stayed away from Bella because I didn't want her to get angry at me if I took over. She was on her tip toes, trying to move around and stand on them. Apparently she is a little clumsy because she stumbled. It was cute.

I changed the playlist on the iPod and went over to Bella, finally deciding to just offer her some help.

" Do you want help?" I asked her.

" No!"

" Please, I want to get started on the walls, and I can't unless you finish."

I heard loud footsteps tapping on the ground and Alice appeared at the door, laughing at her struggling friend.

" Looks good, but Bella, why don't you let Edward do it."

" No, I can." Bella said, her voice strained.

Alice walked into the room and looked at the ceiling " Nice and white."

I looked over at Alice, who was looking at me with an expectant look her face as she nodded her head towards Bella. What did she want me to do, just take the roller away from her? I didn't want to make her angry. She been here only six days, I didn't want to get on her bad side when it was obvious that I kind of held interest towards her.

" Do it." Alice mouthed.

Did she want me to pick her up?

I sighed, what could it hurt. I felt so awkward and shy around her anyways.

" Bella, do you want me to lift you up?"

Her eyes twinkled as she held the roller in her hand " You don't have to."

" Yeah, I do. Here, stay still a moment."

I bent down and wrapped my arms around her tiny hips, holding her backside against my ribcage as she rolled the ceiling with more ease. Alice smiled brightly at me and slinked out of the room.

She felt so warm against my body, almost like an electric shock.

I walked all around the room, holding her as she finished the ceiling. Once it was all done, I set Bella down and we disposed off the disposable rollers. We put new ones on and I let Bella pour the red paint in the other tray. She said that she would do around the doors and on the wood lining on the bottom of the wall. There was already painters tape against it so nothing would get on it anyways.

She did the top first, making sure not to get any paint on the ceiling as she stood on the ladder. Once she finished one wall on the top, I made huge strokes with the roller and the wall was bright red. Once Bella had finished with doing around the windows, doors and the wooden crowning on the bottom, she helped me with the wall.

I watched her as she walked crazily around the room, painting unevenly. For some reason it didn't bother me, if anybody else would have done it then it would've probably pissed me off. I watched her and stared until suddenly she twirled, the cloth wrapping around her ankle and she fell forward.

She hit the ground and the paint roller splattered her shirt, for a moment I thought she might start crying, but instead she burst into loud hysterics, and I found myself laughing quietly with her. She took the roller off her stomach and I walked over to her, reaching my hand out to help her up.

Bella sweared her red hand all over my white shirt, and I glared at her. She did it more and I reached down for the roller. She yelped and ran. I wrapped my left arm around her waist and used my right arm to run the roller right down her jeans. She screamed and struggled against me.

" Hey, hows everything go...ing..."

Bella and I looked up and I saw Carlisle standing there, looking shocked and curious at the same time. I dropped Bella and she took the roller from me, smiling at Carlisle and glancing at me every few seconds.

" I didn't mean to interrupt anything."

" You interrupted nothing." I stated, picking up my previous roller.

" The room looks great, only a few more walls to do."

I nodded and dipped the roller in the paint before applying it to the wall and continueing as if nothing happened. Bella worked on the opposite wall and Carlisle glanced between us before leaving, the door slightly ajar as it had been before.

" Sorry about your clothes."

" It's fine." she said quietly with a chuckle.

We painted quietly, only the sound of my music playing. Alice and the rest came in and out, talking with us for a little while before doing something they found more interesting. Eventually the walls were finished, and we stepped back to look at our work. The walls really looked good, it was a job well done.

I felt good about it.

" We'd better hose off the brushes in the back. Paint can turn into latex in a drain and clog it up if we use the sink. I'll take care of it."

She nodded and I headed downstairs. I put the rollers and plastic trays in a tied up trash back and cleaned up the paint brushes outside. I set them by the paint things in the garage and headed inside. I changed my clothes and put my painted shirt in the washer on stain wash, I also tossed Bella's clothes in the wash machine with mine.

I checked the pool outside and saw that the hose was still there, and it was almost overfilled. I turned off the hose and wound it up, my arms moving in familar motions. After putting the heater on, I would leave it for an hour and then turn it off to let it run at a normal seventy eight, eighty two degree's. Leaves were already flying in the pool, but it wasn't dirty looking.

As I looked through the cabinets for some food, I thought I was hungry. I felt a weird rumble in my stomach and I quickly ran towards the nearest bathroom. My stomach twisted and turned inside and I bent over. The bacon and one pancake spewing back out of my mouth as I coughed violently.

" Edward! Oh my god, are you okay?" I heard Alice's panicked voice say.

" Go. Away." I said lowly in a dark voice.

" But, Edwa-"

" Go!" I said firmly, leaning futher over the toilet as more came out of me. It looked like the pancake was back in the form it was stirred into, like batter. I coughed up more until there was no more food, and it was stomach acid. Once I finished I stood, walking over to the sink to flush my mouth out before going upstairs and brushing.

I stepped out of the bathroom and went right upstairs. I brushed my teeth twice and made sure to be extra thorough. I rinsed with listerine for thirty seconds before spitting it out. When I walked into my bedroom, nobody was here. I grabbed my book and settled on the couch, hoping for more reading time.

**Authors Note- That's the end of the chapter. See ya'll next Wednesday. Follow me on twitter to get chapter teasers every Sunday for this story.**


	4. Motherly Issues

**Authors Note- READ THE END NOTES!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

**Warning- This chapter contains scene's of abuse.**

EPOV

I skipped dinner after emptying my stomach, and just kept reading. Bella came in and out of the room, but never stayed. She probably felt like she was bothering me, it was obvious considering how shy she looked when she merely walked through the door.

Nobody came and got me for dinner, so it was one less arguement about my eating problems. I knew it would probably come later anyways. But I'm almost twenty four for gods sake, it's not like they can force me to eat food.

Actually, they can.

I didn't want to yet again fall over the deep end. I didn't want to drop twenty pounds after gaining it back a few years ago. Things had been going so well until I had come back home after school. I had no idea why, normally something happened in order for me to get this way. A problem.

I sighed as I heard a knock on the bedroom door. Carlisle stepped in and looked at me.

" Can I see you in my study, Edward. I'd just like to talk to you."

I stood and followed Carlisle downstairs to the second floor where his study is located. It's a fairly small room, with a huge desk, a leather couch and his chair, along with books piled to the ceiling on the book shelves. Everything from classic literature from medical books.

He sat in his chair behind his desk and I sat on the leather couch, waiting for the questions that I knew were coming. Carlisle stared at me for a moment, as if he were analyzing me, and then leaned back and sighed.

" Has something been bothering you?"

I shook my head.

" Is it Alice's friend?"

My gaze snapped to meet his " No."

" Don't get defensive, Edward. I'm not here to hurt you. I don't want this to escalate and have to hospitalize you again. I don't care if your walking around eating hershey bars all day, you just need to eat. If having Isabella here is an issue then I can have Alice tell her it's not best for her to say."

A look like a complete asshole? I didn't give a shit that she slept in my bed, or that she was staying dring the summer to keep Alice entertained.

" It's not her." I ground out.

" I just want to get to the bottom of this. Have you been having any anxiety or panic attacks?"

" Once, but it was small, nothing to fuss about."

" They can still affect your health, Edward. Did you take a Xanax?"

I sighed and tugged at the ends of my hair, not in the mood to talk about any of this shit right now. I hated dealing with it and I hated talking about it. If my heart is still beating that's all that should count.

" No, Carlisle."

" You should everytime you have one. They will calm you down immensly, you know that."

" I am not going to be popping pills every fucking time things are overwhelming. I don't need them."

He sighed " Nothing is wrong with you. Alot of people deal with anxiety and panic disorder these days, and if taking medicine can help make it easier, don't you think that it's just the slightest worth it, Edward?"

" It's a fucking waste. I don't need medicine. And I only got sick because I ate breakfast. I felt like shit afterwards and I didn't want to eat."

" Your going down the same path you did a few years ago."

I stood up " I'm going down the path I want to go down. I don't need to be analyzed and I'm almost a doctor, nothing is fucking wrong."

When I walked down the hall I saw Bella standing outside of the door. She was clearly listening to the private conversation between Carlisle and I. I stared at her for a second before spinning on my heel and running upstairs to my bedroom. I slammed the door behind me and walked down the hall, opening my bedroom door so hard that it slammed into the wall.

I wanted to just scream. Instead I grabbed my car keys and ran out of my room. Carlisle was outside of his study, talking with Bella and abruptly stopping all conversation when he saw me. He moved to the middle of the hallway and I paused infront of him.

His eyes were cautious " I don't want you going anywhere when your so upset."

" And what are you going to do?" I asked with an unhumorous laugh.

He reached out to me and I flinched back " Edward, how about you go upstairs and settle down."

" Your not my fucking father, I can do whatever the hell I want. I'm the families mental kid anyways."

I pushed past him and ran down the stairs, walking out of the front door quickly before he could attempt to stop me. He'd made the mistake of doing it when I was seventeen, I was sure he wouldn't try that again.

" EDWARD! Edward, please. Just stop for one second." I heard Alice cry out

I got into my car and shoved the key into the ignition. After spinning around and getting away from that damn house I drove aimlessly around Seattle, letting myself calm down from what had just happened.

Truly, I didn't mean to yell in Carlisle's face, but I hated the feeling of people trying to stop me from doing what I wanted. I've done it more then half my life and I wasn't going to let anybody tell me what to do. I have my own fucking life now, and I can finally control it, and that won't be changing any time soon, or ever.

I could only imagine what Bella had heard, but I probably seemed as messed up as it was. It wasn't like I wanted to get with her or anything, so what she thought about me really didn't matter. I ended up at a liquor store and I bought a small case of beer before heading back to the car.

I wasn't going to get drunk, I wasn't my father. Instead I just sat in my car in the empty parking lot and sipped a beer. My phone wouldn't stop ringing, and eventually I turned it off and sat in peace. I hummed quietly to a non-existant song for awhile, tapping on my steering wheel with my fingers.

After awhile I was calm and cool, no longer pissed off at what had gone on earlier. I knew that I had to apologize, but he just didn't understand how I felt about the whole situation when it comes to medicine. I dealt with PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder, after my fathers death and being in the hospital, and I took medication for depression for a long while, and I'd stopped taking the depression meds when I graduated from high school and went onto college

Panic attacks and anxiety didn't start until college, and Carlisle had prescibed me Xanax, which was to calm me down if I had them. I had taken them for awhile, but I know how to deal with it now aslong as I'm not pressured about it. I hated talking about it. After awhile I learned to control how I felt, and I was able to calm myself down without having to use medicine. At some point they thought maybe I should stay home and attend community college, but they saw I was okay after I proved it.

The clock said it was eleven fourty eight, and I knew it was time to head home. Before I did that, I drove around downtown, it was quiet and dark. When I pulled on the driveway I parked in my usual spot, staying rooted for a moment for another cigarette before getting out, holding the four beers. I wasn't drunk by any means, but I could only only think of what I looked like to him right now.

Carlisle was sitting on the porch chair, wearing sleep clothes. I paused on the steps and looked at him.

" I'm sorry for getting pissed at you. You didn't deserve it."

" I understand that you hate having to rely on things, Edward. I just want to help you, make life easier." he said gently, looking at the beer case in my hands.

I sighed " I had two beers, I'm not even buzzed." I assured him.

" Alice is letting Isabella sleep in her room tonight. You can have your bed for tonight."

I nodded and went into the house. I went up to my room and stripped my shirt off, glad to be able to sleep how I wanted for once. I threw my jeans onto the floor and got into bed, the cool sheets feeling nice.

My sense's were assaulted with strawberry and...girl, when I laid my head down on my pillow. It smelt really, really good. I groaned and turned the pillow over, not wanting to look like a freak and smelling the pillow. It didn't go away though. It was everywhere. My bed was saturated in her scent.

I got up and went to the bathroom, brushing my teeth thoroughly and taking a piss before heading off back to the Bella scented bed. I slid back in and rested my head on the pillow, clutching the sheets close to my skin.

~\\~

" Edward!"

Shit, why the fuck is she in my bedroom. Everyone knows not to come into my room while I am sleeping. Why didn't I just sleep in a damn shirt as a precaution just in case. I growled under my breath and buried myself under the mound of blankets.

" Get up, lazy bones. Bella said she won't come in here unless your awake or something. She feels like a creeper."

" I don't give a damn. Leave, now."

I felt my bed shift " Alice." I growled.

" I'm not going to whip your blanket off and fan you."

" Get out of my bedroom, Alice. I don't go into your room when you sleep."

She huffed loudly " Fine."

The bed shifted and I could feel her presence gone, only to be replaced by someone else. I heard rustling for a short while, and I only assumed it was Bella because nobody dared to look through my things, especially while I am in my bedroom and trying to sleep.

I was half awake for awhile until I fell back asleep for a long time, finally getting the much needed sleep that I desperately needed. I awoke at around eleven and slumped out of my comfortable and amazing smelling bed. Quickly I showered and dressed, making my bed as neat as I could before walking downstairs.

When I walked into the kitchen I saw them at the table. They were talking about god knows what and I said nothing, going for the cabinets. It was more towards the afternoon, so I figured that it would stay down if I ate something.

I made myself a sandwich and poured a glass of water. Not wanting to interrupt their conversation, I went outside and sat down at the table, eating quietly with my head down. I let myself get lost in my thoughts like I normally do, with nobody to interrupt or break me out of my trance.

I didn't exactly knew what Bella had heard last night when I found her listening outside the door. I was upset that she was the kind of person to do that, I really didn't see her as a person to snoop, but I don't know her. She is shy, a big Vampire novel fanatic, and is friends with Alice and that was as far as it went when it came to knowing her actualy personality.

From the beginning she probably thought something was off with me, and I'd found her staring at my scars the day that I helped empty out the pool and clean it up. She must know that I am adopted, I don't look anything like Carlisle or Esme, instead I have a painful resemblence of my father except for my eyes.

It wasn't like she was going to be here for a long time. Summer doesn't last long and soon enough we will be going back to school, and it won't even matter anymore. She was just going to be the girl that borrowed my bed that one summer.

" Edward, were going mini golfing this afternoon. Do you want to come along with us, it's only for a few hours?"

I shook my head out of my thoughts and looked over at Rosalie.

" No thanks. Have fun." I mumbled.

" Were going to Odyssey Fun World..." she said.

" Have fun." I repeated, biting into my sandwich.

I heard her sigh as she shut the sliding glass door and I finished up my sandwich, drinking my glass of water before heading inside. Everyone was already gone, and I realized that Esme was also out. It was completely quiet.

Since Alice and the others weren't here, I decided to go for a quick swim before taking my shower. It's Monday today, almost a week being back here. On Thursday the carpet would be put in, and I knew Esme ordered the mattress sometime. It would be arriving around the time to furniture would be getting here.

I headed upstairs and put on my swim trunks and a wifebeater. There were towels downstairs in the laundry closet, and I grabbed a blue one from there and headed back outside, tossing the towel on the table before taking my shirt off. I looked around a minute before pulling it over my head.

I walked up the deck to the pool and stood for a moment before diving straight into the cool water. It wasn't freezing, almost a luke warm from all of the sun. There were no bugs or leaves luckily, I didn't feel like getting them out anyways.

For about ten minutes I did laps back and forth, enjoying the quietness and the whooshing of the water. Although, my thoughts always wavered to before I was with the Cullen's.

~\\~

_Flashback_

_~\\~_

The screen door shut harshly as I let it close by itself. I slipped my school bag off my shoulder and kicked my shoes off, quickly retrieving them to put in the coat closet. It's a generous size, and our shoes are mostly kept in there, except for my mothers fancy dress shoes.

When I walked into our living room, I saw my father passed out on the recliner, one and a half glass bottles of Smirnoff on the end table. As I walked past him, he was suddenly jerked awake, as if he could sense my presence somehow. My mother was in the room just as quick as she heard him grunt loudly.

I grabbed the empty bottle, knowing that I had to recycle it for him. I was once again surprised when he stood up, cowering over my fourteen year old frame. The bottle fell from my hands, shattering on the dark hardwood floor. A shocked gasp escaped me as pure rage filled his eyes, as if I had just thrown it onto the ground purposely.

My mother reached towards me, grabbing my wrist and pulling me against her tightly. I breathed in her scent, she smelt like crisp apples, just as I always remembered. He look one step closer towards us and I took a deep breath, standing as tall as I could.

She promised me that she wouldn't try to protect me a few months ago. I told her that she had to stop. I didn't want her to have to watch or have him push her when she yelled at him to stop.

He grabbed my shirt roughly and glared at me. Both of my hands gripped his wrist and I pushed him off the best I could, stumbling into the wall as I heard my mothers gasp.

" You gonna clean that up, boy! Your a worthless piece of shit, can't even throw something out."

" Ed, he was just startled. He'll clean it up." I heard my mother say in a feeble attempt to stop him.

His slim fingers gripped my arm tightly and he shoved me up against the wall, the air being taken out of me when his knee connected with my stomach harshly. I felt the liquid coming up from my throat and I coughed, expecting it to be flem. Instead the red liquid splattered on the floor and my mothers clean white shoes.

I doubled over and I felt his hands brace on my shoulders, shoving me down harshly on the ground. I didn't use my hands or anything to break my fall, knowing I would end up breaking a bone. I had experience with that.

My button up was literally ripped off of me, and it stung where the fabric was pulled harshly. The clank of his belt made me cringe into a small ball, and the hot tears streamed down my face.

It was broken glass, and empty broken bottle of Vodka. I knew something else had to have happened today to make him so angry.

" I've given you a roof over your head! Clothes! And now I'm losing my fathers firm because of you! Your fucking fault for being born. Your a dissapointment, Edward. You don't even deserve the proud family name!" he screamed at me as I felt the metal end of the belt connect with flesh.

I cried out in pain, clutching at the floor at the unnormally hard lash. This was harder then he'd ever been. I felt it connect again, right in the same spot and I bit into my wrist to stop from screaming. He would get more angry the more louder I was. Sometimes he hated my screams, other times he enjoyed it because he knew it hurt me.

" Ed! Please, just let him be!"

He glared over at my mothers sobbing body, his eyes as hard as stone.

" If I hear you say one more word, I will do unspeakable acts with you, and make sure he see's every second of your torture as I force you to take it." he said, his voice deathly serious.

She was scampering out of the room before he could utter another word, and I thanked god that she said nothing. I would never want to see my mothers torture, and to watch him do such a cruel thing for his pleasure would only open up new doors for him. Doors that I wanted to keep locked shut for the rest of my life.

_Snap!_

My teeth sunk into my flesh and I muffled my yell as he relentlessly hit me, not even one small speck of regret in his eyes.

He was satisfied.

~\\~

_End Flashback_

_~\\~_

" Edward!"

I gasped in a breath as I broke the surface, surprised at the sudden voice. Esme stood on the deck, looking panicked. I pressed myself against the side of the pool, hiding my back the best I could. She couldn't see the scars on my stomach luckily, the whooshing water kept anything from being completely clear.

" What?" I asked diverting my gaze.

" You were just under there for almost five minutes. I expected you to come up but you never did. Are you okay?"

" I'm fine." I stated shortly.

She nodded " Okay, Well, I just wanted to talk to you about the bedroom. The mattress should be here on the twenty seventh and the furniture on the twenty nineth. And you already know the carpet is being installed on Thursday. I figured I should let you know and remind you about the floor."

I nodded once and stayed pinned against the side. She sat on the deck, stretching her legs out infront of her. Esme looked over at me as I fidgeted in the water uncomfortably. I pushed my hair from my face and sighed.

" I won't stare you, sweetie."

It wasn't like after all of these years I was going to break down and show them. I'm never going to show any of them unless it's under a certain circumstance that aren't under my control. I sighed and looked away from Esme.

" You don't understand. I know you won't judge me, I just don't want you to see it." I said through clenched teeth.

" Edward, nothing could be that bad that you have to keep it from me. From everyone."

I glared at the water " It is, so can you just fucking drop it and let it be for the sake of yourself and everyone else. I won't, nor will I fucking ever, show anybody anything."

" Don't swear, Edward." she sighed.

" Esme, I'm sorry, but it's who I am."

She stood up " I'll let you finish your swim."

I knew she was upset, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to make it worse. I didn't know what Esme expected from me. My tendancies hurt everyone, and I can't help my actions because they are who I am. I wouldn't change myself for anybody.

Nobody should expect me to be perfectly fine after what I've been through. It's not one of those ' what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' situations. It's a past life trauma that lingers. That shit doesn't just dissapear with a new set of parents that actually have a house they can afford. They are nothing like my parents.

Carlisle is so compassionate for others.

My father had not one compassionate bone in his body, atleast, the side of him I know didn't

Esme is so exubrant, vibrating in happiness constantly.

My mother was shy, soft spoken and sad with life's courses. She told me I was her only joy in the world before she tucked me in bed at night, after helping me with my cuts or changing bandages.

I missed her some days. Her beautiful smile and the apple smell of her bronze hair.

Other days I was angry that she gave up on me. Some days I knew that she did it so that I could have a complete fresh start in life, that she wanted me to have more. I knew she was broken up before she killed my father, and I only wondered how she felt now that he is dead.

Relieved?

I was the reason that she killed him. She couldn't stand seeing him hurt me.

If I wasn't born, they probably would have been more happy. It could have been just the two of them and my father would have been content with just a wife and a great job. Maybe they wouldn't have started to lose the house, and he wouldn't of gotten fired from drinking and not showing up.

I knew that I shouldn't dwell on the maybe's in life, because I was a choice in their life. A mistake in his and a joy in my mothers, and it was worth going through what I did. It brought me a better life in the end, and while I don't treat them the best; I am grateful for Esme and Carlisle.

They adopted me on a wim, and paid alot of attention to me in the beginning. I'd felt bad when I couldn't be the brother Emmett wanted. I think he expected me to want to play video games, to want to spend time with him and throw a football with him outside, I truly couldn't have been more uninterested. I was completely on edge when I was around Emmett, always alert, but sometimes, I'd accidentally let my guard down without even doing it on purpose.

_~\\~_

_Flashback_

_~\\~_

I made a right from the kitchen as I headed towards the stairs with a glass of water in my hands. I hadn't come out of my room all day, and I'd been completely parched from the lack of water. Most of the time I was in my room reading, and nobody even bothered me. Carlisle did occasionally to change my bandages, but they were able to come off soon. I liked being alone, especially during the day because Emmett and Alice are always running around, noisy and crazy.

My bedroom is on the top floor, and they don't dare go upstairs. Their playroom is already abandoned, and even if they did go in there, I'd probably get more locks on the damn door.

The house was quiet and dark, the moon shining in through the kitchen window, making the room glow in silver. Clutching the glass of water in my hands, I walked down the hallway, making sure that my converse didn't hit the ground to hard to awaken somebody.

As I turned towards the stairs, I clashed into something unexpectedly and a feeling of dread washed through me as I saw it was Emmett. He was too close and I felt his hand around my wrist, gripping.

" Whoa, sorry." he said.

His voice was deep, it scared the living shit out of me and I backed up, my hands trembling so terribly that I dropped the glass. It shattered all around me and the water soaked through the canvas of my shoes. I stared at him wide eyed, and I felt my air constricting and I pressed myself into the corner by the front door, and sunk down.

I vaguely heard him calling for his dad, almost screaming as he walked towards me. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around my knee's, my hands tugging harshly at my hair.

When I heard Carlisle's voice everything was worse. I knew he would be angry about the broken glass and how I wasted the water in the glass. I waited to feel him grab me, but I only heard him call for Esme. It was almost as if he knew that I would freak out if he touched me right now.

" What happened, Emmett?"

" I ran into him. He just freaked out. What is wrong?"

" Emmett, you have to be careful around him."

" But what about Alice and Mom? He likes them!"

I heard loud tapping footsteps and I felt myself calm down a bit, knowing exactly who it was. Her shoes made the glass crunch under her weight, and slowly I felt her tiny arms wrap around me with her head on my shoulder.

" It's okay, Edward...It's okay. Emmett didn't mean to run into you, he just didn't see you. That's all. Carlisle isn't upset about the glass, at all. And mom won't be upset either." Alice assured me.

" Oh my...What happened?"

" I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." I heard Emmett say, his voice low.

She sighed " I know, baby. You just have to be careful is all. It could have happened with anyone." she assured him as I felt her kneel close to me.

Esme smelt like apples.

I immediatly shrunk next to her side and she wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly as she rubbed both of her hands up and down my arms to soothe me. I trembled, taking a deep breath to just try and keep calm.

" Emmett didn't notice Edward and accidently ran into him. Edward got very scared, he had a panic attack and dropped the glass in fear. This is normal for a lot of kids dealing with PTSD."

Esme rested her cheek ontop of my head " Nobody here will hurt you, sweetie. I promise you."

_~\\~_

_End Flashback_

_~\\~_

I shook myself out of my thoughts and swam around longer, the water lapping against my skin with the small waves. I pushed my hands through my hair and glided to the ladder, heaving my body up as the water rolled off of me. Quickly I grasped my towel, wrapping it around myself so that my back was covered.

I wasn't going to take a chance of anyone seeing anything.

When I went to take a seat in the lawn chair, I set the towel aside and put my shirt on instead, feeling more at ease. As I leaned back, I suddenly heard voices in the kitchen. The windows in the house were open and all noises were basically audible.

" Carlisle, he just shuts down. As if it would be the end of the world if anyone saw it!"

I knew that Carlisle came home on some lunch breaks. They get fourty minutes, and if he didn't have any paper work to take care of, then he normally came home to eat. It occured maybe twice a week, and I knew Esme loved when he came home.

They should know that I can hear them, but obviously Esme didn't take that into consideration that all the windows were open, and there voices were as clear as a bell.

" Sweetheart, I know your only trying to do good. But he feels uncomfortable talking about it, and if not seeing his back is just one thing easier on him, let it be."

" I just...He's my son! I can't."

_Her _son?

I am not her son.

I _am _ Elizabeth Masen's son.

Not _hers._

The rage thatcame over me was staggering. How could she possibly say that I was her son, I wasn't related to them in any way and Esme had absolutely no rights to me. A piece of paper that says she is one of my guardians does not mean she is my mother.

" Esme, the scars on his back are bad. And I obviously have read his file, I know how he got them and what happens if you do see them? Beloved, I know you will ask questions that he will not want to answer. He's not just going to show everyone...Look, just don't pester him about it. If he feels comfortable the way he is now, let him be. It took him a long while to get used to living here, let alone letting me aid his cuts without wincing and almost crying by the fact I was so close. He's had a hard life, and what he went through is something we won't ever be able to compare or understand."

I stood up and opened the sliding glass door. Thy both stared at me, realizing that I'd been able to hear everything that they had just been discussing. I looked over at Esme, my face hard and serious.

" Your not my mother." I stated

Her breathing hitched and I saw the tears spring her eyes. Carlisle looked at me, sighing.

" Edward. That conversation was private."

I looked at him incredulously " So you speak about me in private. Look, I understand what your saying, but if it's about me, I have a part in it. I'm twenty three for fucks sake, I don't need to be treated like a flower. If you have to say something about me, say it to my face. You want to know why I shut down, why I think it's the end of the world? Because I don't like being reminded about everything, the scars are already a permanent reminder. It's not the end of the world, I'd just rather not give you all my fucking nightmares. I can only imagine what things your going to come up with if you see them! You think I want to deal with all of that; all the goddamn time! I would eventually have to put you out of your misery just to tell you what that scar was from, and how I got that one!"

My voice raised with each new sentence, and I could tell that they both had been taken back by my yelling. I'd never yelled. More of the opposite, I was too quiet sometimes that I had to repeat myself louder so that they could understand me.

I hated standing by, and I wasn't going to while they talked about me.

" Calm down, Edward."

" No, I won't." I seethed, storming down the hallway and running upstairs to my bedroom. I slammed the door and it rattled against the frame loudly.

I sat down on my couch and ran my hands through my hair.

I suddenly wished that I could just scream, cry, do something that made me feel better. I wanted to feel good about myself and everything else that went around here. For awhile I paced in my bedroom, knowing sooner or later I would have to go talk to them. I didn't want to, but I would.

Things couldn't sit the way they are, it's not fair to anybody. Before going downstairs I took a shower, feeling myself calm down as the warm water pelted on my skin. I brushed my hand over the jagged scar on my arm, sighing quietly to myself.

Once I was out of the shower I put on a pair of jeans, a grey-ish blue t-shirt and my black boots. I headed downstairs and put my previous clothes in the wash to clean.

Carlisle was already long gone and I saw Esme on the couch, her back facing me with her body slightly hunched over. I could clearly tell that she'd been crying and I immediatly felt terrible.

I'm angry with my life, but I am not a cold person at heart. I'm not one of those people who yell at people and are upset, but still do nothing. I know people don't deserve it. None of the people in this house have anything to do with what happened, and Esme and Carlisle especially don't deserve my anger.

Quietly I walked through the kitchen and into the living room. Esme didn't move, but I could hear her small sniffles.

Esme is an amazing mother. I know she is an amazing mother by how she raised Alice and Emmett. But Esme isn't _my _mother. I could never think of her as that, no matter how much anybody wanted me to see it that way. In my heart, she just can't be accepted in that way.

I sat on the coffee table infront of the couch and she immediatly looked up at me. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were damp from the tears. She brushed her hair back and averted her eyes to her lap, as if trying to look like she wasn't just crying.

" I'm sorry." I said quietly.

" It's okay." she said in a small voice.

I sighed deeply " Esme, your a good mother...And I didn't mean to hurt your feelings by saying your not my mother...But, your not and I know that you wanted me to call you mom. I just can't. My mother is god knows where, and no matter how much I want to, I can't forget that she is my mom. She loved me...She used to call me her joy and while I hate her for just forgetting about me to move on...I can't just call someone else mom. Nobody could ever hold that place in my heart like she does."

For a second I let her sink everything in, and I tried to convey my feelings the best I could, but I was never good at telling people how I felt. It was foreign, and half the time I felt uncomfortable when I did, but I couldn't let Esme sit here and cry.

" I do care for you, Esme, as a person who took care of me during a hard time, but my mother is my mother, I just..."

She wiped her eyes " No, I understand. She's your mom. I just wished that I could have been...similar."

" You took care of me, and both you and Carlisle helped me immensly through the process of getting better. I will always be grateful, and I know you love me Esme, and I care a great deal about you. I just can't find it in myself to call you my mom."

" Okay."

I internally sighed, knowing that I had to give her a hug. I didn't exactly like touching people, and I didn't liked to be touched in return, but I would get over it if it made her feel better. If it were Carlisle in this position when I would have already been long gone. Esme was okay, Esme is...female.

I extended my arms and Esme literally poured herself into my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck and brushing at the hair on the nape of my neck. I wrapped my arms around her loosely and she sighed. Esme is a great person, and I only hoped that she could understand where I was coming from.

" I'm sorry for getting so upset." she stated, pulling away.

" Don't apologize, Esme."

She looked me straight in the eyes " I love you, Edward. Blood related or not, I still consider you one of my own."

I ran my hands over my face, shifting awkardly.

" Thanks, Esme."

I know I don't deserve such a caring, understanding family, but for some reason I got very lucky.

**Authors Note 2- Alrighty, some of you might be a little confused as to why this said it was updated again, but that's because I hadn't edited it last night when it was posted, but I wanted you all to have it anyways, so here it is, polished off and finished. I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Review if you'd like.**


	5. Fifty Two Cards, Five Spoons

**Authors Note- Hello everyone. I hope your all having a good middle of the week.**

**Your proabably wondering why the hell you got three notifications that this was updated, but I looked at a live preview, and I kept seeing damn spelling mistakes. Here it is, and if it's not perfect...I'm sorry.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

EPOV

I gripped the carpet and Emmett and I heaved it back with force, hearing as it came straight out from the tacks. Underneath was plywood, which was the base of the flooring. We kept pulling it back as Carlisle and Jasper held the sides at the end so that nothing would come out that shouldn't. Bordering the floor about an inch was a thin wood that had tacks sticking up, which is what they used to keep the carpet intact. They normally hammer all of the sides and corners to make sure it stays.

Underneath the carpet looked quite dirty, and there was a yellowish, brown, unnatural tint to it. I wrinkled my nose at the odd smell. Emmett made a weird sound between a sneeze and a grunt.

" This smells terrible!"

Carlisle chuckled " Well, son, you were notorious for peeing on this carpet as a toddler."

That made me laugh, just hearing that Emmett did that. A loud laugh escaped me as did Jasper ,and Emmett shoved Jasper into the wall, to which he slid down and was still in hysterics. Emmett looked over at me, glaring. He wouldn't dare put his hands on me, and I continued to laugh at him. Carlisle smirked out of the corner of my eye and kept pulling as Jasper tried to recover.

" Shut up, Edward! We all do embarassing things as kids."

" Really, I can't remember anything like _that _from my childhood." I said with a chuckle.

" Whatever. I bet you used to piss in pools." he grumbled.

I rolled my eyes " No, actually I didn't. When I was three my father told me that if you piss in a pool a green trail will follow you where ever you go as you swim, a very obvious green trail. I didn't want to be embarassed, and I was too young to realize it was a lie."

" Well, great for you."

After finishing up with the carpet we carefully carried it downstairs and outside to the garage. Tomorrow afternoon the garbage trucks would come by and take care of it for us, so we didn't have to go to a dumpster or anything. Emmett walked into the house, complaining to Rosalie about the carpet.

He was such a wuss.

" When are the carpet people going to be here?" Alice asked.

" Around two."

She nodded and reached in the cabinet for a bag of chips. I grabbed my glass of water and drained half of the cup before walking over to the sink to thoroughly wash my hands. Rosalie looked at me.

" Dirty carpet?"

I smiled " Oh, you know, more like piss carpet from Emme-"

" Hey, hey now! Anybody want some chips?"

" As I was saying, from Emmett. Did you know he had a fetish for pissing on carpet as a kid.?" I finished.

Rosalie looked over at him and put her hand over her mouth, trying to hide her laughs of amusement. I saw Bella at the table laughing quietly as she read her Dracula book. Alice smirked at me, making me immediatly stop glancing at Bella.

" Too bad we've got nothing on Edward. Unfair." Alice teased.

" I did shit, but I got consequences. No deed goes unpunished."

" Isn't is ' no _good_ deed goes unpunished '." I heard Jasper correct as he strolled in.

I shrugged " Not in my childhood world." I mumbled.

" What?"

" Nothing. I didn't say anything."

For a moment I stood before walking out of the room. Slowly walking down the hall towards the stairs before I decended them up to my bedroom. I left my bedroom door open a little bit and scanned over everything. The bed was perfectly made and the floor was kept, not that I would touch any of her clothes if she had them laying around.

I walked over to my stereo and put a familar disk in before settling on my couch to relax.

I must have fallen asleep because when I woke, the sun was starting to set. This couch was so much more comfortable then the one downstairs, and I enjoyed the atmosphere of my bedroom better. Hell, any couch is better then the one downstairs. That one is just a damn prop if you ask me. It felt more private to me to be in my bedroom. I shrugged into a hoodie and walked out of my bedroom.

When I got downstairs Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Bella and Alice were there. Carlisle and Esme were absolutely nowhere in sight. Alice smiled brightly when she saw me and I took a seat at the table we had set in the kitchen. Alice had a deck of cards in her hands, along with five spoons on the table.

" I told you he would wake up soon...Edward, we need you to go to the liquor store."

" Alice, I just woke up."

She looked up at me " We just need two cases of beer. Corona? Please! Bella can go with you." Alice chirped happily.

" Alice." Bella sighed.

I looked over and saw Bella in her pajama's, a pair of blue plaid flannel pants and a fitted black v-neck. She looked absolutely beautiful in that, even more so then when she wore her day clothes. I sighed and Alice gave me her signature big eyed look. I was fucked.

" Whatever, Alice." I mumbled, walking towards the garage.

I heard both Alice and Rosalie convince Bella to follow me and I had to smile. I slipped on my converse and saw Bella standing there in her own converse. She blushed and looked away when I caught her staring at me.

" Ready?" I asked.

She nodded and I opened the garage door and walked outside. The air was chill and I saw a shiver run down Bella's back. Goosebumps popped up on her skin and her arms wrapped around her tiny body as we walked down the gravel.

I felt the need to just...warm her. I slipped my hoodie off and slinked behind her, resting it on her shoulders. She stopped and looked at me with a surprised look.

" I'm fine, really. I don't want to take this from you." she said.

" No, keep it. I don't want you to get sick or some shit."

I opened the passenger door for her and she slipped into the Volvo. I got in behind the wheel and started up the car, the low purr soothing to my ears. After pulling out of the driveway, I sped towards the nearest liquor store for the Corona that Alice apparently wanted.

From the corner of my eye I saw Bella yawn and I looked over at her.

" Tired?"

" A little bit. I'd taken a nap but Alice wasn't having it. Turning in early and getting up late are not part of her summer plans."

" If she is bugging you just tell her to tone it down a bit. In highschool she used to scare the hell out of me, and jump on me while I was sleeping about ten minutes before my alarm went off. The day that I jumped about a foot in the air and sent her to the floor...that was the last day she did that."

A small bubble of laughter escaped her.

" Alice is a little over the top, but she is one hell of a friend. She literally begged me to stay with her when I mentioned my father working double shifts all the time."

I wondered what her dad did, it sounded like a pretty busy job if he was taking double shifts. I didn't bother asking, not wanting to sound noisy.

" She loves people."

" Definately."

After a few minutes of driving I ended up at the liquor store near Walgreens. We both got out of the car and I noticed Bella had put her arms through the sleeves of my hoodie. They were long but she looked extremely adorable in it, probably better then me.

I groaned at my thoughts.

Adorable? Seriously.

I walked over to the aisles and grabbed two six pack bottles of Corona. Bella ventured around the place and I walked up to the cashier, of course he checked me to make sure I was of age. After showing my license he rang me up and I swipped my debit.

I've been here many many times, but they always carded me. Two years ago I'd gotten a bartending job at a place off campus and I'd learned the workings of making everything from a Bloody Mary to a Apple Martini. It came in handy sometimes.

After paying Bella reappeared, holding a six pack of Mikes Hard Cranberry Lemonade. She paid quickly and followed me out of the liquor store. I looked over at her and she smiled at me brilliantly.

" What? You expect me to drink that? Don't think so." she said as I unlocked the car. After putting it in the backseat we got back in the car and I started it up.

" Your always never engaging in things that include spending time with friends, or family. Why is that?" she asked bluntly.

" Because what they do doesn't spark my interest." I stated plainly.

She quirked a brow at me.

" They are all so fucking eccentric. I am very opposite. Their idea of fun is going out bowling, the zoo. My idea of fun is reading a book or some shit."

" Being different isn't a bad thing." I heard her murmur. " It just means that maybe you just a little more special then the others."

I looked over at her and saw a small smile on her face. She didn't blush or look away, she just gazed over at me. I looked back to the road and gripped the wheel in my hands as I sped through the sleepy roads.

" I'm not...Look, I didn't mean for that to sound so cheesy."

I fought a smile.

" No, it's fine. Thank you, but I'm not exactly anything special."

She huffed " I complimented you, just thank me and say nothing else."

" I did thank you. I was also just correcting you."

" I don't need anybody to correct me. I took four years of English and I know what I am saying."

Apparently she was not one to be argued with. I made a left into the thick woods, the window rolled down just the slighest to hear the sound of the river rushing. Bella had mentioned her father before, I wondered about her mother.

With munstered courage, I spoke up.

" What does your mother do?" I asked her.

" She died." Bella stated.

I froze, cursing myself for asking the one question that would bring back memories.

" I-I'm sorry. I didn't..."

" It's okay, I know. Yeah, she died when I was ten."

The way she said it sounded so easy, like it wasn't a big deal at all. I wondered how she died, but I didn't dare ask that question, knowing it was probably a sensitive topic, or maybe not by the easy way she states that she is dead.

" You say it so easily." I reponsed quietly.

She sighed and stared out of the window. " It's not a big deal anymore. It happened twelve years ago and...She'd want me to be happy. I'm not just going to let a tradegy rule the rest of my life. She's not here, but I love her and that's that. You only get one life to live, why not make the best of it."

I almost hated how positive some people were, how full of life they were. Because I envied them. I envied that they could look past everything they went through and just be happy, and apparently Bella was a perfect example of that. But somehow, I loved it about her. She was so different from all of the girls I've encountered.

The difference was, she is real. More real then any girl I've known.

I've always dwelled on my past, because it's lived with me for so many years. It's hard to look past it when I have a permanent reminder on my skin. I can't just shed my skin like a snake, they are scars. Nobody wants to be miserable for the rest of their life, nobody wants to willingly live in misery, and I wondered why I even did that to myself at times. It was my life, and with a situation like mine there is absolutely no way that I could look past things like the girl next to me seems to be able to do.

When I look in the mirror I see my father. I see his jaw line, his nose, crooked smile and eyes. All of it is exactly the same, and I see the crazy hair, the hair that I've cut and messed with, but it never goes away. The only thing that differs from him is the bronze color, which belongs to my mother, and her dead father.

I also have the Masen crest on the back of my right shoulder. I'd gotten it tattoo'd on me when I was eighteen because Carlisle and Esme wouldn't give me parental consent before that. It was my choice obviously, the rest had been in the family forever, and my grandfather's grandfather was the one who had drawn it himself, and his entire family had it in some kind of form. A necklace, wristband, bracelet or ring. My father had one, but I'd never recieved one on my eighteenth Birthday because my grandfather and father were dead. I doubt my father would have given it to me anyways. I had a picture, and I just took it to a shop and got it done.

The glove at the top symbolizes loyalty and faith. The lion is bravery. That chevron on the bottom is protection, and the clovers symbolize timelessness, endurance.

When I pulled up to the driveway Bella got out of the car and I grabbed the Corona as she grabbed her Mikes Hard and we headed inside the house. They were literally vibrating in their chairs, smiling when they saw us appear.

I slumped into a chair and Bella slid into the one next to me.

After settling everyone with their beers, Alice gave everyone four cards and put the spoons on the table in correct order. Before starting the game she looked around the table sternly, a serious look on her face.

" Now, keep your drinks away, because I am not cleaning up beer. Also, there is to be no hitting if you don't get a spoon. Now, lets start."

Cards passed around and currently I was handling a two of hearts and a two of spades, both of which I was planning to keep up to get four of. Everyone looked up from their cards as they passed around, looking around at everyone to see if there was a change of reaction.

The game was intense, no matter how stupid it sounded. Emmett suddenly got this smirk on his face, not being inconspicuous about it at all. I slowed down just a bit and watched. A few seconds passed before suddenly I heard Alice.

" SPOONS!"

Quickly cards dropped and we all lunged forward, grasping a spoon. I got one safely in my hands and sighed in satisfaction. Rosalie was the one who did not get one and she was out. She frowned and I took a spoon away as we started all over again to see who would be the next one out of the game.

This time, Bella was the one to shout spoons and Alice pouted as she wasn't quick enough to grab another spoon.

Emmett went out next, and then Jasper.

It was just Bella and I now. I was so fucking determined to win this round.

We started out quiet, and I held three fives in my hand, awaiting another as the cards passed around and were out of the deck. Everyone around us watched with amused expressions as we glanced at eachother over our cards. A small smile played on her lips.

" SPOONS!" I yelled out, catching her off guard as I reached forward.

Her hand was right over mine as I grasped the spoon and I saw her use her other hand to try and grab it from me.

" Cheater." I accused as I tugged it right out from under her hand and held it up.

She pouted " Not fair, your stronger."

" How is it not fair! I didn't make you weak."

" Weak? I am not weak." she argued sternly.

I put the spoon down " Well, I win anyways. Don't be a sore loser."

" One more round, and this time, I will win."

Well, Bella actually did not win the next game, Rosalie actually had gotten that one after a brawl with Jasper. We sat and drank beer for awhile until we decided to play bullshit, which was what I was looking forward to because it was alot more fun.

The cards were divided between us evenly until finally we went around the table. We started at two, and went from there starting with Emmett. Emmett called Alice out when she said that she had two three's. I was going to because I had three three's, but I was beat to it. He just took a chance and got lucky.

" Bullshit."

She huffed and dragged the cards towards her as Jasper laid down one of the fours. I slapped down two six's, as a lie, and got away with it luckily. Nobody called it out for awhile, and the deck was growing. I had about nine cards in my hands, but when Bella called out two fives, I called her out and said bullshit.

" Collect away!" she said as everyone laughed.

I glared at her and took the deck, shuffling it in my hands. Since I had most of the cards, I called Emmett out on the aces, and Alice and Bella kept calling Jasper out because he was seriously a terrible liar. Alice set down one ace with an innocent look and I glared.

" Bullshit."

" Aw, man!" she said, dragging the pile towards her.

After a few rounds of bullshit we turned our cards in and sat around the table with drinks in hand. Bella had already finished two of her lemonades, but they were only like five percent alcohol, so I couldn't imagine getting drunk unless she drinks a twelve pack. Even then I doubt it.

" What part of Washington did you grow up in, Edward?" Alice asked openly.

" Tacoma. Although I was born in Pacific and lived there until I was two."

" Pacific?"

" Yeah, population five thousand." I said with a snort.

She rolled her eyes " Why did you move to Tacoma?"

" My father got promoted to a Law firm there, so we moved."

" I wish I lived in different places." Alice said with a frown.

I rolled my eyes at her oddness " Alice, I moved from Pacific to Tacoma and then Seattle. It's three towns in one state. And you've been to Vancouver, lived there."

" Oh, whatever. I just want to be out of Washington. Maybe we can convince mom and dad to go to their beach house in California. I want to see the sun! It's so dark here."

" I like dark." I murmured

" Of course you do." Emmett mumbled.

I looked across the table at him " What does that mean?"

" Nothing, just that your kind of...I don't know. Emo?"

" Emo? What the fuck? I don't cut my wrists and walk around all broodling and shit."

" Eh, whatever. You know what I am saying."

I quirked a brow " Do I?"

Emmett rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer.

" Oh, did the carpet guys come this afternoon?"

" Yes, and that carpet is so soft. I swear if I could make a sweater out of that stuff, I would wear it. Bella probably won't even want to sleep on the brand new bed." Alice said.

" Maybe I'll sleep on the floor up there. That couch is killing my back. Damn thing looks soft but it's not the best to sleep on."

Bella looked over at me " I can sleep on the couch, or the floor, if you want me to."

" No, it's fine. I wouldn't want you to sleep on the floor, or the couch for that matter." I stated.

" Well, the bed will be here in five days, and then you can have your bed back. That is if it's a waterbed." Bella said with a laugh.

I must have been missing a joke because Alice was laughing with her. Everyone looked at them both skeptically and Alice declared that Bella had best explain herself. I sat back in my chair, sipping my Corona quietly.

" Okay, so my ex-boyfriend, James, had a waterbed. And one night he convinced me to stay over after classes, because he hated that I always left after we spent time together.. After getting into my pajama's and doing all of my before bed routines, I got into the bed and all of a sudden; I felt the water leaking all over me because apparently I had a safetly pin that was somehow attached to my sleep shorts. I just kept sinking and the whole time he just sat there and laughed at me. Water was EVERYWHERE, and I was soaked even with just that one hole. It was a terrible mess, the carpet had to be ripped out and everything. The landlord was not pleased."

Boyfriend.

I took a deep breath, shoving back to jealously of knowing she had a boyfriend previously. One that she probably loved and had sex with, and kissed. I almost slapped myself for my thoughts. Emmett guffawed loudly.

" Yeah, and Alice here got me to lay on one back in a store in Vancouver, and even then it fucking started to leak. We ran like hell when the water went leaking, I was not paying for it. I had no idea what the hell made it happen. I think I am cursed. I've always liked them though."

It was probably the first time I actually heard her say 'fuck', and it actually sounded pretty sexy coming out of her mouth. I sighed and took a drink from my beer as they all laughed around me. I was glad they found it funny, it was pretty amusing that she had bad luck with waterbeds.

Good think Esme bought a pillow top.

~\\~

" I did not purchase a waterbed! I put in the order for a pillow top, king sized mattress." Esme argued as the guys carried in the box spring and set it down. The guy looked at her.

" Mrs. Cullen, the order says that you purchased a king softside waterbed. This is one of the last orders because we are going out of business soon, ma'am. Now, do you want the bed or not? You can't get a refund I am afraid, but we can take it away."

Esme groaned loudly " Fine, fine. Fill it up, but I want to talk to your manager."

" Ma'am, I am the manager. I'm sorry about the confusion, but this is how it is. We are going broke, so this is one of the last delivery's."

" Mom, Bella cannot sleep in a waterbed. After what happened..." Alice stated.

" Bella, dear, I am so sorry."

" I don't want to steal Edward's bed all summer." Bella said with regret.

" I am not taking the waterbed. No. Way." Alice stated as Emmett nodded in agreement.

It looked like I was going to be the one to be the good guy. I decided that I could relinquish my bed to put in this room, and then I could take the waterbed and have it in my bedroom. Bella needed a bed. I could just suck it up and do this.

" I'll take the bed. Just put it in my bedroom and I'll put my bed in here for Bella to sleep on."

Esme and Bella's eyes went straight to me as I spoke. Esme looked entirely grateful, and Bella looked like she was seriously feeling terrible about my idea.

" You really don't have to do that for me. I already took your bed for a few weeks. Look, I'll just deal with the waterbed, go ahead and set it up." Bella stated.

I looked over at the confused workers. " Go to the room right down the end of the hall outside. Actually, could you just give us about ten minutes to get the other bed in here? Then you can set it up in the other room."

They nodded.

" Of course, tell us when to come back up."

We moved the box spring to the other side of the room and Emmett and Jasper flanked by my side to get my mattress. First we just took all of the sheets off of my bed and moved them off to the side onto the leather couch.

We had to be careful not to bang it against the wrought iron posts on the bed. There was basically a wrought iron set that connected to the frame of the bed. Esme said that I could keep that here, and Bella could take the new box spring because they were the same, and the size was the same. I didn't want to give it up. The top of it was also wrought iron with little iron roses, which I liked.

The mattress was damn heavy, but we got it on the box spring in the other room as Esme headed downstairs to have them set up the waterbed. They were going to have to run a hose through the french doors in my bedroom so that they could fill it up. One guy was setting up the heater for the waterbed, showing me how to use it.

Once the blue water mattress was in, they hooked the hose into it as they called the guy down there to turn the hose on. It took a good ten minutes for it to be filled up, and afterwards they had a mattress sheet they pulled over it before securing the filling hole up. It fit perfectly with the box spring and bed frame, which was pretty fucking fantastic.

Alice was in the other room, setting up the bed and everything else she had bought for the room. I knew she was excited about decorating the room, but I had to help her with the nails for the pictures she wanted to put up. I didn't trust Alice with a hammer and nails.

Once the waterbed was set up and they finished hooking up the heater, Esme showed them out. I put my sheets on the bed, and it moved very oddly. This would definately take some getting used to. Emmett looked over at me and chuckled, as did Jasper.

When I sat on the bed it waved around, and I had to laugh. I was very OCD about having smooth sheets, but this made them crinkle and wave. So much for a neat bed.

" Can you imagine what it's like having sex on that. Man, that must be an adventure. Could Rosie and I borrow this bed."

Rose slapped him. " No...But I bet Bella knows." she said with a laugh.

" HEY BELLA!" Jasper called.

I glared over at the idiots " Guys, shut the fuck up."

Suddenly Bella appeared at the door, looking at Jasper to see what he wanted.

" We just had a question. What is it like having sex on a waterbed? Since your boyfriend had one and all."

The expression that came over her face was a mixture of shock and anger, maybe a little bit of sadness, and I wondered what the hell the look on her face was for. I knew the question was stupid, but she looked upset.

She looked over at Jasper solemnly.

" I wouldn't know." she stated, her voice cracking as she immediatly walked out of the room.

Everyone stood for a moment, still and slightly confused as to what that reaction meant, and I knew that something must have happened. It must be a bad past experience, because the way she looked when Jasper said sex, really seemed to trigger something inside of her.

I was determined to find out somehow. Maybe if I took the time to actually get to know her then she would open up. I felt some kind of connection towards her, and something inside of me told me to just figure out why I felt that way.

" What the hell did you idiots say to her?" Alice asked, walking into the room with her hands on her hips.

" I only asked her what it was like to have sex on a waterbed!" Jasper exclaimed.

Her hand formed a fist and she punched him in the arm. He winced and she glared at him hard.

" Nice going, jackass. Don't say anything like that to her, you hear?"

" What? I didn't know she was sensitive about sex!"

" Well now you know." Alice said, spinning on her heel and walking out of the room.

The water in the waterbed was pretty fucking cold, so I cranked it to eighty degree's. I was kind of enjoying this, but I didn't exactly know if it would be good for my back. Alot of people find them uncomfortable, but I bet a few people found them comfortable.

" I'd better go apologize." Jasper mumbled.

Emmett and Rosalie walked out after them and I put my feet up on my bed, shifting around to get comfortable. It was so wavy and surprisingly comfortable. I liked it for the oddest reason.

Later on I helped Alice put up her little pictures on the wall. They were various pictures of sunsets that she had printed out and put in white frames. I had to admit that Alice had put a hell of a lot of thought into the decoration in the room. She decorated the wall that the bed was on, because that one was almost completed beside the headboard that was being delivered on Thursday, along with the amoire.

There was already a television in the living room for the bedroom, and Carlisle was going to mount it on the wall this weekend as he'd said. Alice put the bed together perfectly, smiling with the end product and all the damn pillows. I helped her put up the curtain rod and she put the silver curtains up, which really seemed to look obnoxiously bright next to the red wall.

After eating one of Esme's well prepared meals, everyone split off. Emmett and Rosalie went out for icecream, and Alice and Bella headed upstairs to do whatever it is that girls do at night time. I spent time in my room quietly.

Her things were still in here, but I knew she would probably move them tomorrow when she had time. The hours went on and on as I sat into my room listening to music. I was dying to play the piano, notes to a new song just running through my head and never letting me be.

Later on at about one in the morning, I snuck downstairs in a pair of flannel pants and a wife-beater, stepping up onto the platform in the room and sitting down with a blank music paper and pencil infront of me.

My fingers drifted over each key, playing familar songs until finally I started hitting the keys in my head. Somehow, it didn't sound as good as it did in my head, and the notes sounded off. I hit more keys, becoming more frusterated by how it didn't seem to work.

My hands drifted to the more less complex notes and I felt so in place. I'd always had a passion for the piano, since I was a kid, and I just enjoyed listening to the notes. I started writing my own songs when I was ten and I had free time. My father didn't like hearing me play because his ceased father had the same talent, and they were very close. So I mostly played when he was working or at the bar.

Behind me I suddenly heard breathing, and the clank of a glass cup. My hands stopped abruptly and I cursed myself for being unable to keep quiet enough. I looked over and was shocked to see Bella standing there. She was wearing a short sleeved nightgown, dark blue and went mid-thigh. My eyes traveled to her long, shapely legs that seemed to go on forever in the small gown.

" I'm sorry. I just came down for a glass of water and I heard you."

" Oh, I thought I'd woke you."

She shook her head and took a step closer " What you were playing was beautiful. What is it?"

" Um..I, uh, wrote it myself."

" You compose music?" she asked, a surprised look washing over her face.

" Yes, I have for many years." I answered

" Well, it was very pretty. I liked it alot."

" Thanks." I mumbled, unsure of what to say.

" Don't let me interrupt. I'll leave."

I stood up and walked out from behind the bench. She smiled shyly at me and look a sip from her glass.

" No, it's fine. I should probably go to sleep anyways." I stated, walking towards the stairs.

Bella quietly followed beside me and I saw her glance at me.

" I'm sorry for literally taking your bed. That water bed must be ghastly." she said, frowning.

" No, it's fine. I mean, I haven't slept in it or anything, but I bet it won't be that bad."

She smiled " If you have my luck, your screwed."

I chuckled quietly, opening up the door and motioning her to go upstairs first. I shut it behind me and followed up the stairs quietly, not wanting to wake anyone with loud footsteps.

" I think I'm safe."

She looked at me as I stopped near her door. Suddenly, and completely catching me off guard, she leaned up on the tips of her toes and kissed my cheek. Then proceeded to walk into her room and softly shut the door.

I stood, shocked, for a moment until I brushed my finger over where she kissed me. With a sigh I walked towards my bedroom door, opening it and shutting it once I was inside. I stripped off all of my clothes down to my boxers and got into the bed.

I wasn't expecting the wave, but it was there. After shifting around for a few moments, I found a comfortable spot in the middle and wrapped my body in the thick amber and white comforter. The pillows had Bella's strong essence, and I found myself just breathing in the scent before I realized what a freak I was acting like.

After slipping into a fitful sleep, the last thing on my thoughts was the beautiful brown haired girl down the hall.

**Authors Note- New! Every week I am going to be asking questions, and I'll answer the question in the next end note of the next chapter, and give out a new one. Good idea?**

**Question of the Week: ****Do you play an instrument? How long have you played? **

**I'll see ya'll next Wednesday, and I will try my best to reply to ALL reviews this chapter.**


	6. The Story of Another

**Authors Note- Here is chapter 6, I hope you like it and are having a good middle of the week. If not, I hope this will cheer you up a bit.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

EPOV

Maybe a waterbed wasn't the most ideal bed to sleep in, but it wasn't as bad as I'd thought. This definately beat the hell out of couch downstairs, and a dorm mattress. Of course I'd rather have my old bed back, but I could deal with it for the summer. It's not like I would be living here once I got out of college anyways, and I had recieved alot of money on my eighteenth Birthday from my grandfathers death, all of his money was left to me, and I could easily get a house, apartment or condo if I wanted to.

I had a little over one hundred thousand dollars to start out my life, and in my world it was plenty to start a nice fucking life. Not many knew about it, Esme and Carlisle especially did, because they had recieved access to the fund that I had when they adopted me. My parents had a college fund for me, but most of it was spent on my fathers beer binges and bills that were supposed to be paid; but never were. I was surprised that the jackass didn't dip into my inheritance money.

My mother had taken the remains of the money in their bank account I imagined, and I only wondered what she'd been doing now. I hoped that she was happy. I knew she loved me, I just didn't understand completely why she just...gave up on me after all I went through.

Eventually I got out of bed and walked down the hall for a shower, Bella's bedroom door was closed, and I figured she was either downstairs or sleeping. My mind went back to last night, seeing her long pale legs in her gown. The blue looked beautiful against her skin. I clenched my eyes shut and got into the shower, trying to fight back my thoughts.

After cleaning off I brushed my teeth, ruffled my hair, put on a pair of fresh clothes and spritzed on some cologne.

Downstairs I saw Alice sitting outside with Bella, Jasper had his arm around Alice and Emmett was sitting on the ground, laughing about something they must have been talking about. I got a bottle of water from the fridge and sat down at the kitchen table.

I heard the familar tapping of heels and saw Rosalie appear at the kitchen doorway. She wore a pair of skinny jeans and a loose strapless yellow shirt with a pair of tall black stilettos, typical Rosalie attire. She smiled at me.

" Hey, Edward. Sleep well?"

I shrugged my shoulders and took a swig from my water as she sat down.

" If you need to talk, I'm here. Alice has been worried about you, and Emmett...Well, he has his own way of worrying, but I know he is."

I shook my head.

" It's best to just talk You'll feel so much better."

What alot of people don't know, is that I met Rosalie officially before Emmett did, because she had been in my group therapy when I was sixteen, another attempt to get me to talk about my past. I'd already had private therapists, but it hadn't been working so Carlisle decideed to shove me into group therapy to see if hearing others stories would make me more comfortable.

In therapy, I met Rosalie. She shared her story about how she'd been raped when she was sixteen years old. She was seventeen when I'd first met her. One day Emmett came to pick me up, and when he'd noticed her, I could see his eyes were set. But I knew Emmett was a player in school, he'd had sex with all of the easy girls, the shy ones and the down right bitchy ones. I'd stopped him, because she didn't deserve a guy like this, she deserved better.

_" She's been through alot. Things you don't understand." I ground out_

_" I bet I can make it all better." he boasted._

_I glared at him hard " Why do you think she's here? Take it fucking easy."_

He started talking to Rosalie in school after that. It was weird knowing what she'd been through and having her around all the time. But Rosalie was extremely nice, and I knew her entire story basically.

She'd been raped when she was walking home from a friends party during the summer time. She didn't live far, and she declined a ride from her parents because she'd walked there earlier. The man was the son of a rich banker that owed a very important company.

His name was Royce King, but everything, even the case, had been done quietly. Of course things got out when he was sentenced to fourteen years total in prison. Nobody knew why he was in jail, because nothing got out of the courtroom. When Rosalie told her story in group therapy, she hadn't given any details like the ones I know.

We'd gotten paired up one time in therpay, and I promised her that I wouldn't tell anybody if she told me exactly who he was. Rose trusted me alot, and she still does. And she told me everything about the man and the case. She told me that she didn't want to hear all of the outside things, because she knew people these days would find a way to make it her fault.

Emmett helped Rosalie alot, I could see how happy she was in group therapy, and she even talked about Emmett to me. He stopped with all of the other girls, Emmett really did change a bit. And I could see how much he really helped her not be afraid of men.

But in therapy, nobody knew what happened to me. I was just the quiet guy in the corner with unwillingness to speak.

" I'm fine." I stated

Her hand covered mine " Okay, but I'm here. You know I wouldn't tell anyone anything, right?"

I didn't know if I could trust her to keep it from Emmett. Everyone else, yes, but when it came to Emmett, she tells him absolutely everything, and I couldn't take that risk. Once Emmett knows, everyone knows.

" Your such a great person, Edward. Just open up a little bit."

She stood up and before walking past me, a wicked smile spread over her face.

" And I know, for a fact, that Bella really likes you, too."

Before I could say anything she was out of the sliding glass door. I looked down at my hands and let out a strangled sigh, standing up and pushing the chair forward. I threw out my empty bottle of water and saw Alice peak her head in as I was about to leave.

" Come on out, Edward." she chirped.

" No tha-"

" None of that. Come on."

I groaned internally and walked towards the door. Alice hopped right back to her spot next to Jasper and I sat on the ground, leaning against the brick. I was a little bit away from everyone else, but close enough to hear conversation.

What I could really use right now, was a cigarette.

I don't smoke everyday routinely, but every once in awhile...

Bella's small form stood from next to Emmett and she walked over to me, taking a seat close to me and leaning against the brick. She was wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and a Muse t-shirt, a pair of converse on her feet. Her hair was thrown up into a ponytail and she only had on black eyeliner.

She was so cute it was almost fucking illegal.

Out of her pocket, she dug out a pack of Marlboro cigarette's. Taking one of the slim sticks out, she handed it to me.

" You look like you need it." she stated, taking a purple lighter out.

I put the end in my mouth and she lit it, doing the same with herself before putting the pack back in her pocket along with the lighter. I took a long drag from the cigarette and held it in for a moment before blowing it out in rings. It felt so damn good to have the smoke in my lungs.

Bella laughed " That's pretty cool."

I smiled at her " Yeah?"

" Yeah. How do you do that?"

" Practice. I get bored easily."

" I'd think so. Your either locked in your room bored or playing with all those video games."

I took another drag " First option, but I've got books."

Her shoulder touched my bicep, and I marveled at how tiny she was. I wasn't a foot taller, but she was short and just...compact. She was just about as skinny as a rail, but she looked healthy. I wouldn't be surprised if I was skinnier then her.

" I'll let you borrow some of mine if you ask nicely." she joked.

" I'm not a vampire erotica fan." I whispered, tapping ash off the cigarette.

She glared at me, her brown eyes sparkling " They are good books!"

I nodded and looked out over the yard.

" You should talk more."

My head snapped back to meet her gaze " Why?"

" I like talking to you...I know that you've probably been through things I can't imagine, but you seem like a great person."

" How do you know what I've been through? Or if I've been through anything?"

She glanced once at my arms before looking back into my eyes.

I sighed " Nobody can understand, and I'm not going to even attempt talking to people, because humans have huge fucking mouths. Nothing can be kept to their goddamn self."

Obviously she could sense that I was upset by my tone of voice.

" Hey, I'm not messing with you. Didn't mean to ruffle your feathers, but as I said, you seem like a great guy." she said quietly.

I wondered if she was looking at the same person I looked at everyday. I had no idea why she thought that of me, or why who I was even crossed her mind for that matter. Was she flirting with me? Probably not. I fucking doubted it. Nobody as beautiful as her could ever be with a person like me.

" I am not trying to pry into your life, If I'm bothering you, I'll just leave you alone."

She was about to stand, I could tell. I didn't want her to.

" Don't." I murmured.

Bella sighed " Your kind of confusing."

I rolled my eyes " I can't say I'm perfect."

" Who is?...Alice was talking about going bowling later. Your parents are taking us out to dinner afterwards."

My head snapped up and she looked like she was rethinking the words she'd just said. She also looked very confused.

" I mean...their parents...Carlisle and Esme." she stammered, looking like a frightened kitten.

I chuckled darkly " Just Carlisle and Esme."

She smiled and I took in another lungful of smoke, enjoying the feeling of nicotine in my body. The smile she continued to toss in my direction made me quirk an eyebrow at her.

" See something you like." I teased.

A deep blush flushed over her cheeks and she looked away from me, a smile still tugging at her lips. I put the cigarette out and tossed it out on the grass when nobody was bothering to look. I stood up and brushed off the small amount of ash off my pants.

Bella stood up and brushed past me towards the house. I decided to go in also, following her right inside as Alice watched us closely with every move until the door was closed. I went past her as she headed into the kitchen.

" Where are you going?" she asked.

" Upstairs. There is absolutely nothing to do around here."

She nodded, and I noticed the little spark of disappointment in her eyes when she walked back outside.

~\\~

I somehow let Alice convince me to go bowling with all of them, and I was not looking forward to it. I've bowled a few times in my life, when I was like seventeen and had nothing to do. Although I was a definate loser without the bumpers.

When we'd arrived at the bowling alley, both of the lanes we got had bumpers. The girls got their shoes and Alice and Rosalie were complaining about the 'dirty' bowling shoes as if they had been shit in. Bella said not a word and put them on. They were so different it was almost scary.

Five people are normally per lane, but we figured we'd even it out and make it three to each lane. Jasper put mine and Rosalie's name in the computer. Alice put hers, Bella's and Emmett's in the other lane next to us. We each got our desired ball, mine was dark blue with lighter blues twisted into the darker blue. Alice's was obnoxiously pink and Rosalie's was red. Emmett had brown, for an unknown reason, I actually didn't want to know because Emmett would give it some sick reason. Jasper had orange and Bella's was light blue.

Since my name was first on the board I picked up the ball and walked forward, swinging my arm forward and throwing the ball down on the slippery lane.

And...

Strike.

" LUCKY!" Alice whined as she frowned at the three pins she knocked down

The game went on, and Rosalie was in the lead on our side, and Bella was in the lead on the other side. I was two pins behind Rosalie and we were getting pretty competitive at this point as we glared at one another. I was determined to atleast win this.

" Come on, Masen." she said after getting her spare.

Bella stood a few feet away from me as we prepared to throw, we walked forward just the same and tossed out the ball. Bella got a perfect strike, and I'd noticed that I just got another, making it a double. I'd gotten about five strikes so far and now I was in the lead by six pins with Rosalie.

Jasper walked off to get some Nacho's and soda for his whining girlfriend. He headed into the bar and went to get a drink after dropping the nacho's off. Rosalie and I sat down as we waited for Jasper to come back.

Alice was doing alright, although she was losing when it came to all of us put together. She really did not have a knack for bowling, but atleast she was making some fun out of it.

I couldn't say I was miserable here. Although my idea of fun is a book or music, this was okay too. I didn't want to be anti- ocial, but keeping to myself is something I've done my whole entire life, and I feel fucking comfortable that way. Although I'd guess it's better to be out in the open and doing something rather then just sit at home.

When Jasper came back he took his turn and we started back up.

I watched Bella as she went up for another turn. She was no longer wearing jeans, but a pair of shorts, showing off her gorgeous legs. As I saw her go forward, her eyes were focused on the pins. I wondered if she knew what the hell she was doing because with another step her ball flew forward and she flipped backwards as she stepped on the slick part of the wood.

I heard a crunch and Alice immediatly got up and ran towards her. I sprung up, my inner doctor bursting out as I knelt beside Bella's body. First I got her off of the lane and lifted her up. She was definately out like a light.

When I took a seat on the hard chair, Alice was next to me. She lifted Bella's head and rested it on my shoulder as I attempted to wake Bella up.

" Can't we just slap her?" Alice asked.

I looked at her incredulously " Alice, never hit an unconsious person. Ever."

Bella felt even more tiny in my arms, if it were even possible. I grabbed for a water bottle and Jasper handed me a few kleenex's. I wet the kleenex with water and dabbed it on Bella's face for a few moments before I felt her shifting around in my arms.

She would have a nice bump on her head, I knew that for sure. Slowly she started to sit up, and I rested my hands on her waist because I knew she would slump over. After sitting up for a second she slumped right back into me and groaned loudly.

" I'm such an idiot." she mumbled against my neck.

" It's anybody's mistake...Alice can you get those shoes off. I'll just take her out to my car and take her back." I murmured quietly.

After Alice swapped the bowling shoes for Bella's white flip flops and I carried Bella out of the side door, not wanting to attract any attention. I'd brought my car seperately, as I normally did. It was easy for an escape just in case of a situation. I carried Bella to the car and opened the passenger door, laying her in the seat. She was very disoriented, I could tell by the glazed over look in her eyes.

She wasn't in shock though, which was good.

The whole car ride home she was dead silently, and when I had her stand when we arrived back at the house, she stumbled over. I grabbed onto her and lifted her again in my arms. Her tiny arms wrapped around my neck and I reveled in the feeling of her body pressed against me, she was so warm and soft and just...girl. I loved it.

When I got upstairs I walked into the guest bedroom she was staying in. I laid her down on the bed and she blinked once before rolling over. I was a little worried by her lack of speaking.

" Bella, how does your head feel?"

" It hurts." she whimpered quietly, pressing into the sheets.

" I'll get you tylenol. Hold tight."

I shuffed to the bathroom, digging through the medicine cabinet for two tylenol. After shaking a few pills out, I poured a glass of water and went back to her. She had to have me help her sit up, and I put the pills in her mouth, putting the glass of water to her lips. She drank half of it down before sinking back into the bed.

This was a normal reaction to concussions. Pain to where she was hurt, drowsy and disorientation. She laid back in bed and closed her eyes tightly. I didn't want to leave her, but I didn't want to be a bother.

Hesitantly, I sat on the bed and froze when she turned over. The side of her face pressed against my rib cage and she sighed before slipping into sleep.

I knew that there was dinner, but she was in no way going to get up and leave the house.

Alice and everyone else came in to check on Bella, and I told them that she would be okay. They told Esme and Carlisle that Bella couldn't make it to dinner, and I had Carlisle check her over, and he said that everything was okay, just to let her sleep.

I offered to stay with her while they headed off to dinner and I stayed in the bedroom, sitting against the wall with a book in my hands. There was food downstairs when she woke up, leftovers from yesterday. We'd had a tortilla soup with a spicy red sauce and ground turkey yesterday, a new recipe that Esme had concocted.

Just a few minutes after seven, Bella was shifting around the bed, groaning quietly. I looked over at her just as her eyes fluttered open, her brown orbs staring into my green ones. Slowly she sat up, resting her hand over her little bump that was on her head.

" Hey, how are you feeling?" I asked, closing my book.

" A headache, but fine. I'm hungry."

" Okay, how about we go downstairs and get something to eat. All the others left for dinner."

" I hope they arent upset I skipped out."

" No, they were worried about you."

She stood up, standing still for a moment before trusting herself not to fall.

" Thanks for taking care of me." she murmured, walking towards the door.

" Did you want me to just let you lay there. I am basically a doctor."

With an eye roll she walked out of the bedroom and I followed her downstairs. We warmed up the soup Esme had made yesterday and we sat at the table with spoons in hand. I didn't eat this with chips, because I liked it just how it was, and Bella didn't seem to mind it without chips either.

We were both quiet as we ate our food and when we stood to wash our dishes, everyone burst in through the front door and they were running full speed towards us, huge, obnoxious smiles on their faces. Alice looked the happiest out of all of them I'd decided.

She halted to a stop next to Bella.

" WERE GOING TO SANTA MONICA!" Alice literally screamed.

" What?" Bella asked.

" Santa Monica! My parents beach house! Were all going and we are leaving this weekend!"

**Authors Note-**

**Normally my chapters are longer then this one, but I wanted to end it here. This was just a bit fillerish for the story.**

**Last Weeks Question- I've not actually played officially ( Concerts/ In Public), but I do play alot of keyboard, acoustic guitar and electric guitar. I can play equally as good with both. I am pretty decent.**

**This Weeks Question- Have any of you gone on an out of state trip? If so, where? What did you do?**

**I'm excited to hear your answers, so review and tell me what you thought about the chapter, and your out of state trip. Have a nice weekend.**

**Follow me on Twitter to get Deep Into The Darkness teasers every Sunday! Link to my Twitter page in my profile.**


	7. The Four Cities

**Authors Note- Happy Wednesday. I would appreciate if you read the end notes.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all Things Twilight.**

EPOV

The next couple of days had been a complete rush, atleast when it came to Alice and Esme. They were packing, and I was pushing furniture around the guest bedroom, and hooking a television onto a wall because Carlisle had entirely no time, because he was working double shifts so that he could get a few days off.

Esme and Carlisle were going to be staying a week at the beach house with us, and then they were going to be leaving. They'd given strict instructions while we were there, of course they were mostly pointed towards Alice and Emmett, they trusted me to make sure they abided by the rules.

Rosalie was very excited to be able to tag along, and Bella seemed to be quietly excited. I'd been spending alot of time with her today moving around the furniture since Emmett went out shopping with Rosalie and Alice, along with Jasper.

Esme was out to get a few things for dinner tonight, and it was just Bella and I.

Her curtains were wide open and a breeze flowed through the room easily. I looked over at her and fought a smile. She was entirely too beautiful for her own good. Bella was wearing a white summer dress, strapless, with a pair of wedges that she ditched a few moments ago. Her makeup was light and her long brown hair in ringlets down her back.

" I'm like ninety pounds! How can I lift something that's heavier then me!" she exclaimed, trying to lift the other side of the headboard. This thing was damn heavy, and it also had the bottom frame, so really the metal bed frame that holds up her bed right now, isn't needed.

First we took the bed apart and it was absolutely amusing having her help me with the mattress to lean against the wall. She lifted up the headboard and I lifted up my end and we basically walked as fast as we could to get it in the right spot.

" That french headboard is damn heavy!"

I laughed quietly.

" Can you hand me the drill, and screws?"

Basically I had to put it together because the sides of the frame on the headboard to hold the bed up, was not connected and I needed to drill them into the wood together. There wasn't and board for the headboard, which was less of a job, but I still had to connect the three peices of the frame together, and then the side pieces to the actual headboard, putting it into words made no sense, but I do what I have to do.

Bella held up the headboard for me as I drilled everything together.

" If this bed falls apart while I am sleeping, I am holding you responsible."

" I think you should be nice, considering you stole my bed. And I took care of you when you decided stepping on the bowling lane was smart."

She huffed and looked away. I smiled and drilled the screw into the headboard. Once that side peice was connected, I pulled on it, making sure it wasn't going anywhere. I did the end piece, and the other side and then it was standing on all four of the legs. The headboard was very nice, a grey-ish silver color painted on the wood. It also had very intricate designs carved into it.

" Do I have to help with this again?" she asked, pointing towards the mattress.

" Unless you want to sleep on the floor in the middle of this, then yes."

" Your so...frusterating."

" I sincerely apologize." I stated, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

" And sarcastic! It's not funny."

I rolled my eyes at her and grasped the end of the box spring mattress. There were two, and I could get both of them on myself. I threw them on side by side and adjusted it until they were both perfect. When I walked over to the mattress. Bella begrudgingly helped me out and we slid it onto the box spring.

She was obviously not looking forward to making the bed, but I headed downstairs as she made the bed. I retrieved two bottles of water from the fridge and walked slowly back up the stairs, out of breath already from all of the lifting.

When I was back in the room, Bella laid on her back on the bed, sighing in relief. I handed her the bottle of water and looked towards the flat screen television, not even wanting to bother with it. I sighed and went to the box, opening it up and grabbing all of the metal peices that needed to be drilled into the wall. Luckily when I did measurements, there were wooden bolts so the television was a hell of a lot more secure then if I just hooked it in drywall, it probably wouldn't even have held up.

I only needed Bella's help with holding it up, and she was damn strong so I figured she would be able to. I drilled the metal contraptions into the wall and then took a seat on the floor to drink my water. All of it was drained by the time I was halfway satisfied. Bella stood from the bed and handed me the three fourths of water in her bottle.

" Here, take this. You need it more."

I hesitated, not wanting to just take it from her.

" I don't backwash."

" I didn't-... thanks."

After finishing up the water bottle I walked over to the television. I held the majority of it, but Bella was a great help holding the bottom up for me as I got it completely hooked onto the wall. Once it was finished I stepped back and looked at it. Bella stood next to me, smiling.

" It looks nice...Thanks for helping get all this put together."

" I have nothing better to do with my life." I deadpanned.

She stared up at me, about to say something before there was loud footsteps and talking behind us. I was annoyed by the interruption.

" BELLA! You've got to see all of the cute clothes Rose and I got! We even got you a few things. And we found this really cute bathing suit at Victoria's Secret for you, it's s-...Oh, hey, Edward."

I fought a laugh as I looked at Alice's excited expression. Of course all thoughts of Alice flew out of my mind when I heard the word bathing suit. My imagination ran rabid with pictures of Bella. Without a word I walked past them and down the hall to my bedroom. I slammed my door shut and sat down on my bed, tugging relentlessly at my hair.

The feelings I had towards Bella were too unexplainable, foreign. I've never liked someone or found interest in them like I have Bella, and I didn't want to fall for this girl. Because in the end, it wouldn't work out and I wasn't even looking for a relationship, not at this point in my life.

Of course in the back of my mind _'things don't always go as planned' _rings out in my head.

~\\~

" Okay, Alice and Jasper will be taking the Porsche, your mother and I are taking my Mercedes and Edward, Bella, Emmett and Rosalie are going to be in Edward's Volvo. Any problems with this arrangement?"

" Why can't Bella go with me?" Alice exclaimed.

" Your car is tiny Alice, and all of your suitcases will take it up!" Rosalie exclaimed. " And I bet Bella here would like some time away from your craziness for a few hours."

Carlisle cleared his throat " Also, I do not care, if say...Jasper is the only one that has to use the washroom, we all have to stop. We need to stay together at all times, this is a very long drive to Santa Monica. When we get onto 1-5 South, we are going to be on it for over a thousand miles, passing all through Oregon on that highway. The drive is about eighteen and a half hours, and tonight we will stop at the Hilton in Redding, which is about nine hours away from here by car."

" Keep your phones on at all times, charged and everything. Carlisle and I aren't completely familar with all of the roads, so we need to keep together on the road. As he said, we don't care if one of you has to go to the bathroom, we will stop. If one of you are hungry, well, I hope you can wait until a few more are, but please do not take it upon yourselves to think you know where your going. It's hard to catch up."

It was ten thirty in the morning, on a Saturday, and we all had to get up by nine thirty and be dressed and ready. Now we had a half hour to load up our cars and use the washroom before we left. I had to say that I felt bad for Bella, because the poor girl was basically dead on her feet tired. She obviously hadn't gotten sleep.

My insides were excited to be sitting next to her for the whole entire car ride to California. I wondered how the bed arrangements at the hotel were going to go. I knew that the beach house had plenty of rooms for all of us, and no doubt Emmett and Rosalie would share a bed. Carlisle wouldn't let Alice share a bed with Jasper, she's still his baby. I internally scolded myself for being so fucking excited about a car ride and bed arrangements.

All of my bags were by the front door, because I had put them there last night and had been finished. Alice scowled at me as she walked back and forth from the upstairs to the car. Rosalie must be slumming it, because she has only two bags, one of which are filled with clothes, to which I realised were rolled up to fit alot, and the other had makeup and shoes. Emmett had one bag, and then another empty one for if they bought things back while we were there.

Bella had one bag total for all of her things, and I had two, which were actually smaller. Alice had stuffed a total of five suitcases with her in the car, and Jasper on the other had had two big fucking bags. I think Bella, Emmett and I were the only ones who decided to pack light. After I lifted Rosalie's bag into the trunk, I slammed it shut and saw Emmett sitting in the drivers seat. Everyone else was set, and Carlisle was just finishing up locking the house.

I'd very begrudgingly let Emmett drive my car, but I was extremely tired this morning, and I knew that he wouldn't piss me off purposely, especially when I am with him.

I slid in the seat behind Rosalie, because Emmett basically had the seat adjusted to the point where I couldn't fit my legs, and they bended awkwardly, he's too much of a shit head to move it forward back to my setting. Bella slumped into the seat tiredly, holding a blanket. The sky was clear and the windows in the driver and passenger seat were down. Rosalie was already in the car and we waited until Carlisle was in the car to get going.

Bella had her pillow on the middle seat, and her legs cramped up on the other seat, I felt bad, but I said nothing

What should I say?

_' Hey, dollface, want to put that pillow up here?'_

Yes, that conversation would go over very well.

I put my earbuds in as Emmett drove down the driveway, and we made a left to head off to the highway. The reason we weren't flying is because Carlisle figured we could use all the flying money for something else. Although Carlisle and Esme are not in trouble financially, not even close, they just thought that a drive would be better.

When we pulled onto the highway, Rosalie's hair was whipping back into my face, and I leaned over the seat and looked at her.

" Can you put that shit up or something. I'd rather not have blonde hair flying in my face."

She rolled my eyes " Whatever."

Rosalie put her hair up anyways and I leaned back into the leather seat. Emmett was crunching loudly with potato chips in his mouth, the noise drowning out the loudly whipping air. My hair was already a mess as is, so I didn't give a fuck.

" Emmett, I swear to god, if you get chips anywhere in this car, your dead."

He waved me off " I know, I know."

I glanced at Bella and saw she was soundly asleep. Her pillow was touching my thigh, but I didn't care much. For a whole two hours she was knocked out fast asleep, and she never moved one single inch. I was almost afraid that maybe she was dead or something.

We stopped after three hours of driving because Alice had to go to the bathroom after all the tea she drank. Tea is actually one of the drinks that has a certain ingredient that makes one have to use the bathroom more often. Jasper convinced her to buy water instead of tea at the gas station. I got a pack of Marlboro, and I could see Esme looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I tossed a black lighter on the counter and a pack of cinnamon gum.

After taking a long ass time ringing me up, the old man handed me the bag and I headed back out to the car. Fast asleep and stretched out over the entire backseat, Bella was there. I sighed and looked at Alice who was happily running around the gas station ground.

" Alice!" I said.

She darted over to me and looked over at Bella through the open door. " Aw, she's so cute."

I glared down at her " Wake her up, I need to get in."

" Just pick her up and lay her head in your lap or something."

" Seriously, Alice."

" Just do what I said."

With a loud groan I opened the car door and gently adjusted Bella over, she was a damn hard sleeper and didn't even move from where I put her. When I sat down she just moved herself, placing her head against my thigh and moving her hand up to rest on my knee.

Do. Not. React.

I sighed and Emmett got into the car, when he looked back at me he laughed. My hands were up by my face, not wanting to touch anything because I didn't want to look like I did this. I tugged at my hair and glared at Emmett.

" Shut. The. Fuck. Up. "

" Sorry, dude. How's Little Edward?"

Little Edward?...What? What in the fucking right does he think he has to ask that?

" Emmett! Cut that out!" Rosalie said, getting into the car and setting her Coke down in the cup holder.

I leaned my head back and Bella shifted, a small groan escaping her lips. Rosalie looked over and smiled wickedly.

" Have fun with that, my friend...It's so cute!"

More hours passed, and we'd had yet to stop for food. I had to admit that I was fucking starving, and I could even hear Bella's sleeping stomach growl. She was fast asleep with her head pillowed on my lap still. I had no idea how she could sleep in a car for six hours, but god bless her for being able to. We were already in Oregon, and it was hot and humid here.

Rosalie and Emmett talked quietly up front, and I listened to my iPod. My hand gently moved strands of Bella's hair from her face, almost on instinct.

I've never actually just wanted to be with a person. It wasn't ever like this with Victoria and with Tanya. Truthfully, my relationship was Tanya was because I was seventeen and I wanted sex. She was there to take care of that before it was over. Since Tanya, I've really not done much. Maybe a few fun nights with girls at bars, but it never went as far as to have sex.

With Bella I didn't exactly want to maul her. I mean, I'm a guy, but I genuinely liked her for more then a fact that she is a girl. I don't know her completely, but how she acts and her outlook on life just seems to be good. She seemed like the opposite of me, she saw the good in life, I saw the bad.

The car ride, I had to admit, really wasn't that bad. At around five we pulled into a small diner in White City, Oregon. My legs were cramped up to the max, and my stomach was just dying for food. I rested my hand on Bella's warm shoulder and she sat up abruptly, rubbing her eyes.

" Please tell me I did not fall asleep on your lap." she asked, clearly mortified.

" It's okay. No big deal." I stated, getting out of the car.

She followed and looked over at the others " Where are we?"

" White City, Oregon. Home of the...I have no fucking clue." Emmett stated, opening the door to the run-down diner.

Turns out that run-down diner had the best fucking burger I have eaten in my entire life. Sauteed garlic mushrooms with bacon on a thick beef burger. It was the best thing I have ever eaten on a bun, and I wouldn't be surprised if I was moaning into the damn burger.

It was amazing.

Alice jabbered on about her Birthday that is six days from today. I'd already purchased her gift, and it was very safely tucked away into my suitcase, with my clothes basically surrounding it so that it wouldn't get ruined or break.

In college, I have a good friend named Mike Newton. We spent alot of time together considering he is also pursuing a career in medicine, along with his fiancee Jessica, who I'd met a few times. Well, apparently her mother was very skilled in stain glass and making windows and all of this cool stuff, and her mom lives in Los Angeles.

Well, I'd gotten the idea to get a jewelry box for Alice, since she has her vanity's and dressers filled with earrings, bracelets, necklaces and a whole mess of other little items that she gets from Jasper and her parents.

After talking with Jess' mom, she said that she could make me a very nice glass stained jewelry box. It was mostly pink, with oranges and red's into it, making it look like a sunset, with blue stainglass on the bottom half of the top to look like an ocean.

Ever since I knew Alice, she loved the whole beach theme idea. Her whole entire bedroom had been painted like a beach, and it has been like that forever, and I figured that I'd let the box be like that when she is living in her dorm, or being wherever, just to have a piece of it with her.

The box was expensive, but it was worth it for Alice. I'd also taken a visit to a Tiffany's to get her something with diamonds, knowing she would love anything with diamonds. I purchased a diamond palm tree charm on a platinum chain. I would put the Tiffany box inside her stained glass jewelry box.

I thought it was a great idea.

After we ate our food, we all got back in the car to finish a three hour drive. We'd stopped at a rest stop because everyone basically had to use the washroom. Bella was already passed out on the backseat again, and when we arrived in California, we made it all the way to Redding before checking into the Hilton as planned.

Everyone grabbed any needed items, and Alice grabbed Bella's bag as Carlisle and Esme went inside to get the room keys. Alice looked over at me pleadingly.

" You want me to carry her through the hotel, to the elevators, to the room and into bed?" I asked her incredulously.

" Your such a great person, Edward..."

I bit my lip and rolled my eyes dramatically " Fuck." I muttered.

For the millionth time already these past few weeks, I lifted Bella up into my arms and held her to my chest. She looked like she had woke, but then she just curled right back up. Alice tossed the blanket over her and we walked into the calm hotel at eight thirty.

People stared, and I didn't stare back. Alice, Jasper and I squeezed into the elevator and I could see Jasper looking at me, smiling with amusement.

" Shut the fuck up, Jasper." I murmured as he chuckled.

" Oh, Edward. We've got two rooms, two king beds in each and your sharing a hotel with Emmett and Rose. Dad wanted Jazz and I have to share a hotel with him and mom since I convinced him Jazz and I could share a bed. You and Bella are sharing, unless you'd rather sleep with Emmett."

" Why can't she sleep with Emmett!"

" Bella and Emmett...No."

I groaned and the doors opened. Emmett had already taken our bags to the hotel room and we seperated at the door as I juggled Bella in my arms. Jasper shot me a look over his shoulder.

" Sleep well, Eddie."

" I will, _Jazzy_. Enjoy, Esme and Carlisle's company. Touch Alice once and your balls will be chopped off. Lets hope Doctor Cullen didn't bring his scapel."

" Fuck off, Masen."

I somehow opened the hotel room and walked in, all of the gold colors very annoying. This was a nice hotel, very regal, but gold seemed to be their only color scheme, not that I fucking care. We were two floors away from the top, and this was a pretty nice room. The beds were absolutely huge, and very inviting...

After setting Bella down, I lay on the other side of the bed, groaning from the softness. I missed a nice bed. Rosalie emerged from the bathroom in sleep attire, and Emmett was already fast asleep in the other bed, snoring lightly.

" Tuck her in." Rosalie said.

" You do it."

" Don't be a chicken. She's probably cold with just that blanket."

I stood up from the bed and grabbed my bag, dragging it into the bathroom with me. I changed my pants and shirt and quickly, brushing my teeth before going back into the dark room. The lamp was on and Rosalie was riffling through her bag for something.

Begrudgingly I walked over to Bella's side of the bed and shifted her under the covers, securing them around her little body. She curled up against the pillow she'd clung to all the way up here, and I got into bed, laying as far away as I could.

Rosalie hit the light and I shifted around the bed for a moment before I was comfortable. I was always the person that gravatated towards the middle of the bed, but I hoped that I wouldn't move a single inch tonight.

With a deep breath I closed my eyes.

~\\~

Awaking in the morning I was absolutely dreading getting up. I didn't want to move, at all. I wanted to be the one fast asleep in the backseat today, because I was just not feeling it, not at all. Unfortunetly, it was my day to drive the rest of the eight and a half hours.

Well, atleast I hadn't been doing all the driving. And Emmett looked like he was the one sleeping in the back today. I slumped out of bed and looked over at Rosalie, who was fast asleep in bed. Bella was still asleep, entwined in the blankets.

I walked to the bathroom and took a shower, using my own shower things that I'd bought. The scalding water pelted my skin as I washed off, it felt good to be clean. I dried off and dressed in fresh clothing, which consisted of jeans, a black t-shirt and my black combat boots. I ran my fingers through my hair and grabbed my razor and shaving cream. After flushing water on my face I rubbed in the shaving cream and shaved off the three day stubble on my jaw and chin.

When I walked back into the room after brushing my teeth, Bella was sitting up in bed, rubbing her eyes tiredly. I started up the coffee machine and she looked over at me.

" How did I?..."

" I carried you up from the car last night and put you to bed."

" Thanks." she whispered, standing.

" Don't mention it." I said, packing my things back into my bag as she headed to take a shower herself.

Rosalie woke up and Emmett was last. I sat on the already made bed and sipped my coffee as they took turns in the shower. My phone blared out Death by Marilyn Manson and I picked it up, seeing it was Carlisle. I clicked accept and put it to my ear.

" Hey." I answered, setting my coffee down.

" Good morning, Edward. Esme and I have already been to checkout this morning, so I hope your all ready."

I looked over at Rosalie, who was packing up her bag, along with Emmett's. Bella had her things all put together, as did I.

" Basically, they are just getting dressed."

" Okay, we'll meet you downstairs."

" Mhm, bye."

I hung up the phone once he bid goodbye and put my empty coffee cup by the coffee maker. Rosalie tossed me my car keys. I caught them and shoved them in my pocket, along with my cell phone. After slipping on my aviators and grabbing my bag, I looked over at them.

" Let's get goin' everyone." I said, opening the door.

Bella shuffled out, followed by a tired Emmett, and a cheery Rosalie. We cramped into the elevator and rode down, meeting everyone else by the couches and table's that were placed by the enterance. Alice bounded next to Bella and they spoke for awhile until we seperated by the cars.

" Sleep well last night, Edward?" Alice asked before we parted.

I rolled my eyes at her and walked over to my Volvo. We slipped into the dark car and Emmett and Rosalie got into the backseat without a word, laying awkwardly together.

I slipped into the drivers seat and started up the car. Bella got into the passenger seat and settled in with a blanket on her lap.

We stopped at a gas station first, filling up the car tanks and retrieving drinks and snacks before getting onto the highway to finish this long ass car ride. I convinced them to stop at a starbucks and Bella and I got some coffee for the road, since we didn't get to drink much at the hotel.

The ride was quiet for the most part, all of them were tired, and Bella was taking small naps every now and then. We stopped for bathroom breaks, food and anyother thing that someone needed to stop for. Alice basically got a post card for every gas station town we were in, including San Francisco and other small non-important towns.

We'd left the hotel at nine, and we'd be at the beach house at around five thirty. The time seemed to be going pretty fast, but I was tired from long hours of driving. Driving for long periods of time always tired me out. I would probably pass out in a bed at the beach house. Or sleep outside, the weather is nice here.

Santa Monica is at around seventy degree's around this time of year, atleast lower seventies and upper sixties. I didn't like hot, humid weather anyways. I looked over a Bella and found her staring at me. She looked away quickly, blushing.

Damn adorable

~\\~

I could only imagine how happy Alice was seeing the ' Welcome to Santa Monica' arch sign. The beach was right to our left and it was a very nice site to see. Emmett and Rosalie were sitting up, alert and excited. Well, Rosalie had to go to the bathroom badly, but we were about five minutes away.

We passed many beach houses already, and Bella next to me was literally vibrating in her seat with excitement. Carlisle then made a left and we pulled into the driveway to their beach house. It was a pretty nice size, and looked to be three floors. There were stairs going up to the front door and a balcony above the garage, and on the right to the front door and stairs, were plants and flowers. It really was a stunning sight.

I parked behind Alice and Jasper, and stepped out of the car. Alice was smiling wildy as she looked over at the house, and then back at everyone.

" This is going to be the best summer. Ever."

**Authors Note- Okay, so things are kicking into gear now. Hope your ready for a wild summer.**

**IMPORTANT****************READ*******************IMPORTANT*****************READ*********

**Now, onto a few important things.**

**Some of you that follow me on twitter probably read my note about the Bella situation. If you haven't, here is the exactly note-**

Today I recieved a review commenting on how I write Bella, that she just didn't like her. And I am by no means mad at this person, because I completely appreciate all of your words. I always take them and try to make myself better in my writing.

But I've always had trouble writing Bella, and even in Ambivalence everyone really has an issue with her, and I'm really starting to have a hard time right now.

I really can't write her POV without her having bad characterizations, and now when I write in EPOV, I still can't seem to get who I see she is, right. I am deeply sorry about this, and I am very upset about it.

Truthfully, I have no idea what to do right now besides go back and just...Try to make her better because she isn't a bitch. When I look at her, she is a girl that is nice with a side of her that is strong and independent, which I think has been taken as her being mean.

Really, I am sorry about this, and I think that maybe I need to take a little bit of a break to get things together for Deep Into The Darkness, and maybe Ambivalence.

I won't be posting teasers, and I'll let you all know if I am posting on Wednesday for Deep Into The Darkness, by either posting a chapter, or not updating at all.

I hope none of you take this as me being overly sensitive, or just blowing it out of proportion, but as I've said, I really do need to just take a step back and figure out what I am going to do.

Any of you who have ever said anything about my Bella characterizations, I am not mad at all. I'd rather try and fix it and make her better. I am not trying to please everyone, but I am trying to please myself because I do not want Bella to come off as she has. It was never my intention.

Dated- August 5th, 1010

**That was basically the issue at hand, about writing Bella's point of view, and I really have been struggling with it, but I can't really just change her when I don't understand why people see her that way. I try to make her genuine, she is genuine, which is being taken differently. As I said, I am by no means upset at all, not even a little.**

**The reason I was discouraged is because I just couldn't grasp it.**

**So here is what I want you all to do.**

**I want you to tell me any issues you have with Bella for this story, don't hold back, tell me everything. I will not be upset at you as long as your just nice about it like the reviewer the other day was.**

**I would really appreciate it.**

**So click the button, review, and tell me.**


	8. Santa Monica

**Authors Note- Not exactly edited, but I will take care of it later today since I am going to see Vampires Suck.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

EPOV

Before going in, we all looked around the outside of the house. This place was very different from where I have lived. I've always lived a closed life, but it seems to bright and open out here. Almost peaceful with the sound of the birds and waves.

Eventually, we all grabbed our bags from the cars and shuffled inside the beach house. Alice was bouncing around in happiness at everything, and everyone else marvelled in silence.

The foyer was very light and open. Stairs leading upstairs were made out of a light maple wood, matching the wooden floor that was laid out infront of us. In the middle of the foyer was a white square rug, and above there is a crystal chandelier.

To the left was an open room with large windows, overlooking all of the tree's and flowers that were planted outside the house. In the room there was a small square piano with a bench infront of it. A small loveseat was placed in the room, and one of the walls were filled with books.

In a corner there was a desk pushed up against the wall, a computer sitting on the desk, along with a vase of fresh flowers. They probably had a housekeeper for when they were away.

Past the stairs, and the front wall when you walk into the house, was open french doors. I walked through the doors and there was more huge open space. To the left was the kitchen. Cabinets were matching the floor, and the countertops were dark granite. They had very high end appliances, much like at home.

To the right was the living room, wide and open with a huge bay window on the left wall.

A long plush couch was in the middle of the room, a rectangular table behind it with a vase of flowers and candles. They had a fireplace to the right and a plasma mounted on the wall that the couch was facing. There was also a large bookcase in that room too, filled with books, movies, CD's and records of all sorts.

After looking around I headed upstairs to claim my bedroom. I walked all the way to the back, finding the room with the beach ocean view, with a nice balcony in the back. I liked the view. As I was setting things down, Alice bumped into me from behind, startling me.

" I CALL IT!"

" I was in here first therefore. I call it." I stated, tossing my bags on the king sized bed.

" That's not fair."

I glared down at her " It's fair enough since I decided to take the damn waterbed so your best friend didn't have to have it, giving away my mattress. Now today, I pick a bedroom that I want, want to tell me what's goddamn fair now?"

" Whatever, Edward." she said bitterly.

" Don't be such a stuck up just because you can't get your way all the time. Life isn't fucking fair, Al, get over it soon before you get disappointed."

" Just shut up, Edward."

She walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her. I sighed and looked towards the large doors. There were many windows in here, and it was very open and light. The doors were locked securely, and I walked over to them, opening them up wide and letting the air wisp through the room. I walked out onto the balcony and stared at the beach, it was the first time I ever saw the beach, other then in a picture.

With I sigh I turned around and grabbed my things, wanting to get unpacked.

The room was a good size, probably just slightly smaller then my bedroom back home. There were two maple wood doors that led into the walk in closet, and the walls in here were painted an ocean blue. The bed had clean white linens, with light green and white pillow cases. The floor was wooden, matching all of the other wood throughout the house.

I opened the door that was a few feet from the closet door, and saw it was the bathroom, at the end wall, there was another door. Apparently I was also sharing a shower, I hoped to god I wasn't sharing with Rosalie or Alice, because if I was, I'd just go bathe in the ocean water with a bottle of soap and shampoo.

There was a dresser pushed by a corner, and a small desk. I walked over to the bed and unzipped my bag, taking everything out and setting it onto my bed. Once the bag was empty, I slid it under the bed temporarily before getting to work on putting things in their new place.

I set my laptop on the desk and put the charging cord on the floor next to it. My iPod laid next to it and I walked over to the empty drawers, filling them with all of my clothes for this trip. I organized everything, putting them in the same order I have them at home.

Esme came in a few minutes later, taking a seat on the bed.

" I figured we could go out to dinner since we have no food here. I told the rest were leaving in a half hour. Are you doing, okay?"

I scratched the back of my neck " Yeah, I'm fine. Just unpacking my things. Dinner out is fine."

" Alright, we'll see you downstairs."

I nodded and she closed the door quietly on her way out.

Esme always worried about me, constantly, and I had no idea why. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and I have been for many years. I know how to deal with things on my own, it's better dealing with things alone, atleast, when it comes to me and my issues.

I laid on my back on the bed, truly just wanting to go to sleep instead of eat. But I was more hungry then tired, and it wasn't like I could find anything here if I stayed back. I went downstairs at six and saw everyone by the foyer except for Carlisle. Alice and Rosalie had fresh makeup and clothes on, which was really no surprise.

Esme said we were going to ' The Lobster', so it was seafood. I hated getting expensive meals and having others pay for them, but Esme and Carlisle are just genuinely nice when it comes to giving money. When I had been taken in they had basically bought everthing for me. Clothes, furniture for my bedroom, electronics and almost everything a teenage boy could ever dream of.

" Alright, lets get going."

Once we were at the restaurant on the seaside, we were seated at a table. The place was very nice looking on the inside, and no doubt it was more expensive because of the location. Most of the walls were made of glass, and they had a perfect ocean view from where we had been seated.

We took our seats, and I could tell that everyone purposely put me next to Bella. I think they were all planning on making this summer interesting for me. After the shamelessly flirting waitress handed us the menu's she left the table and we scanned the menu.

" Lobster...Mr and Mrs. Cullen, I could never expect you to pay for thi-"

" Hush, darling. We have plenty money."

Bella shrunk into her seat and mumbled something under her breath. The waitress came back and stood between mine and Jasper's chair. Her chest was pushed out and she blinked her eyes, her fake eyelashes brushing against her cheekbone.

" What can I get you all to drink?" she asked, setting her hand upon my shoulder.

I looked at her incredulously.

" I want a coke." I heard Bella say in an angry voice from beside me.

The waitress looked at me, then at Bella. She removed her hand from my shoulder and huffed in annoyance.

" Just water." I stated, looking back at my menu.

After getting the drink orders she scampered off. Emmett laughed from across the table, slapping his hand on the table. Rose gave him a scolding glance and he just kept on laughing.

" Did you all see _that_! Bella, you looked _pissed _beyond _belief_. I swear if you didn't come off as such an angry bitch she probably would have mounted Edward right infront of us."

My eyes widened and I looked over at Bella, who was clearly avoiding the gazes of everyone at the table. Her hair curtained over the side of her face, making me unable to see her expression. I rolled my eyes and looked at my menu, picking out which meal I would be eating tonight.

" Oh, come on. Are you both going to just drop it? Looks like Bella has a little green monster."

Beside me Bella closed her menu and put it on the table. She tucked her hair behind her ear and glared harshly at Emmett. I'd never seen her look to pissed.

" Emmett, could you just do me a favor and shut your trap. I don't need your...assumptions about my feelings being tossed around the table. I would appreciate it if you would just stop."

I cleared my throat and stood up " I'm going out for a smoke...If the waitress is back I want the lobster ravioli."

I walked out the exit and stood outside towards the beach. The breeze felt nice against my skin, but it was a pain to light my cigarette. I took in a long, deep drag and sighed in satisfaction.

I didn't even want to know why Bella got so pissed at that waitress, but I knew it had to do with me because that was basically the only thing the girl did. She flirted and touched my shoulder, which clearly brought Bella's claws out. I've never seen a glare so harsh on someone when Emmett mentioned her having a green monster.

Maybe she did like me...

After a few long drags from the cigarrette, I went back inside and saw that the menu's were gone. Esme assured me that they ordered my food and I took my seat next to Jasper and Bella, taking a sip from my water. Everyone was very quiet, and they were staring at me directly. That is, beside Bella who looked to be embarassed.

" What the fuck?" I whispered to myself.

" Is something wrong with me?" I asked them.

They shook their heads " No, nothing at all." Rosalie stated.

I sighed and leaned over the table " Just fucking tell me what the hell is going on. It's obvious you were talking about me."

Carlisle took a sip of his drink and set it down, avoiding my gaze but glancing at Bella with a smile. This was driving me fucking nuts, and I wanted to know what the hell was going on right now. They obviously had a conversation while I was gone, and I had to have been about me.

What could they possibly be saying about me. It didn't seem like anything bad but by the way they were staring at me, and smiling at Bella, it was freaking me the fuck out and I wasn't about to just say nothing about it and forget about it. I would get it out of them if it was the last fucking thing that I do.

_~\\~_

_Flashback _

_5 Minutes Ago_

_3rd Person POV_

_~\\~_

Bella sat in her seat, still fuming about the exchange with the overly flirtatious waitress. Wondering why in the hell could some girl that had no idea who Edward is, could just throw herself at him, how she had the damn right to _touch _him.

Rosalie and Alice both had the same thoughts,actually, everyone at the table had the exactly same thoughts after Edward had left the room.

_Bella has a crush, and she is jealous._

After Edward excused himself for a cigarette break outside, Rosalie leaned over the table and looked Bella straight in the eye. She couldn't hide with a curtain from her hair, forever.

" You like him, just tell everyone this, admit it, and we will just know and move on already. It's clear your jealous."

Bella was simply shocked, and she stood there trying to process Rosalie's blunt words. It was shocking just to hear it out in actual words rather then in her head. She did have a crush on him, and she thought that he was one of the most genuinely good person she'd met, looking past the vulgar words and sometimes hard exterior.

The guy carried her through a hotel, let her sleep with her head in his lap. He fixed up a bedroom for her to sleep in and reliquished his bed to her and took care of her when she was hurt. It was the most nicest thing someone has ever done for her, and she was slowly falling for this man.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked everyone straight in the eye. And with munstered courage uttered words that had never been so true.

" I like him. There, I said it. I like Edward. But please don't anybody say anything about it to him. I don't want to hear about it, and if I want to take things further, then I will do it myself."

" Aw! I totally knew it. I saw you checking out his ass when we got out of the car at the White City Diner." Alice beamed.

She glared at Alice, her mouth slightly ajar in embarassment. Bella shook her head and looked down.

" Not a word."

~\\~

Current Time

~\\~

EPOV

" Can you fucking tell me."

Carlisle glared in my direction.

" Language, we are in a a public area."

I rolled my eyes at his scolding. Did he really think I cared about my language in public? I didn't exactly care what these people thought of me, they don't know who the hell that I am anyways so why would it even make a difference.

I took a large gulp of my drink and set it back on the table, tapping my fingers on the surface like an invisable piano. For a few moments they let me get away with it, that is until Emmett started glaring hard at me.

" Dude, that is _annoying._"

With a smile I tapped some more, just to drive him more insane. I stopped when he opened his mouth to continue, leaning back in my chair and picking at a stray string hanging from my pants. Bella next to me was smiling about something, but I didn't even want to know.

About fifteen minutes later, our food started being served. My lobster ravioli was served with no sauce, but butter was slathered over it. I put a little bit of salt and pepper on it before grabbing my fork and digging in. The lobster was cooked to perfection and the pasta was cooked well, not gummy or hard.

" So, what are you guys planning for tomorrow?" Carlisle asked, sounding conversational.

" Ooh, the spa!" Alice exclaimed as Rosalie nodded in agreement.

I speared another ravioli in my mouth and tapped my leg with my fingers. Everyone else shared easy conversation around the table around me, I kept to my thoughts and ate my dinner.

After dinner we all headed back to the beach house, and I knew that I was ready to get some damn sleep in a decent bed for this summer. The smoke from my cigarette floated out of the window, the breeze feeling nice from the moisty buggy air of Seattle. This air was more dry, I prefered it actually.

I pulled into the driveway and headed inside, my goal was taking a piss and getting some sleep. I walked into the bedroom and set my phone down, tossing my shoes on the floor and walking towards the bathroom.

Right when I opened it I saw Isabella leaning over the counter, messing with her eye makeup. She immediatly leaned back when she saw me.

" Oh, I'm sorry."

" No, I'm sorry for walking in."

" Did you need to use the bathroom or something."

" Uh, yeah." I stated awkwardly, shifting my weight.

She nodded " Yeah, you can go ahead. Sorry."

I made sure to lock both of the doors, which would take a bit of getting used to for the summer. After using the bathroom I unlocked both door and went into the bedroom, making sure to close the bathroom door behind me.

With a long sigh I hopped onto the bed, shedding my clothes and sinking under the covers. They were nice and cold, which I enjoyed. The room was light, but I was exhausted enough to fall asleep quickly.

~\\~

I awoke in the morning to the sounds of loud girly squealing, and loud talking. It pissed me off further when I saw it was seven in the fucking morning. With a loud, annoyed, groan, I got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom door, knocking sharply twice.

Alice peaked her head out and smiled brightly at me.

" Hello! Sleep good."

" You all better stop your giggling and loud talking before I stop it for you. I am exhausted, so please shut up."

" Sure thing!" Alice exclaimed happily, shutting the door.

How could somebody be so happy and energetic at this time in the morning?

I ended up not being able to fall back asleep, although they were quieter luckily. I laid in bed for a long while, staring up at the rope netting and thin fabric that draped over it. My eyes looked over the twisted ropes, and the hooks that held up the canopy like contraption above me.

At around ten I decided to get off my ass and take a shower. It sounded like the girls were gone, but they were probably doing whatever girly shit they want to anyways. After a long shower, I dressed and went downstairs to get something to drink.

Emmett was on the couch, Jasper next to him with a game controller in his hand. I'd passed Carlisle in the library earlier, completely engrossed in a book. After grabbing a can of soda from the fridge I headed outside to sit on the marble patio.

I looked out over the ocean, taking a long drag from my cigarette.

" You okay, man?" I heard a voice from behind me.

I glanced over my shoulder and saw Jasper.

" Yeah, everything is cool." I stated, tapping ash off the end of my cigarette.

" Hows everything going with, Bella?"

I looked over at him, confused " What do you mean?"

" Well, Alice said..."

" Don't listen to, Alice. She exaggeratees. Nothing is going on with Bella and I, absolutely nothing."

" When someone says it's nothing, it normally means something is going on."

I rolled my eyes " Well, _Jazz_, nothing is going on."

He rolled his eyes right back at me, and sat down on one of the wrought iron chairs that went with the outside table set. I patted the cigarette pack in my pocket, and Jasper shook his head.

" Naw, I told Alice I'd stop all together."

" Seriously? You only smoked like once a week anyways."

" She doesn't like it."

I nodded my head in his direction.

" It's not like I am making a life altering decision because of my girlfriend."

" I never said that."

" Yeah, but the look on your face."

" Jasper, do whatever you want. If Alice tells you to shave your head, go ahead and do it, I don't care. It's not my relationship."

He stood up and looked over at me " What's going on with you, man? I mean, I know this is around the time _seven _years ago you were like...adopted, but I think something else is going on. You can just talk, I won't go to Alice and blab like a teenage girl."

I could tell how he emphasized the seven, which kind of pissed me off. I am still struggling with my past, it's been seven years, I get it, but I still didn't need to hear about it, especially someone who has no fucking idea about my life.

" Yeah, I get it. Seven years." I spat, walking off the marble and into the sand.

" EDWARD! Dude, don't get in such a twist. What's your issue today?"

I blew him off and walked further down to the beach, as I got closer, I felt a very light mist from the wind hitting the water. The sand was a light tan color, and as I looked to my right, the beach went on forever.

Santa Monica State Beach is located along Pacific Coast Highway, basically a two mile long area with shops, the pier, casual eating places, equipment rental spots, trails and beach volleyball. It's an active place. We could probably walk down, since it's basically only a mile away from here.

With a long sigh I sat in the sand, my hands tugging roughly at my hair. Basically I was just feeling a little shitty, for some unknown reason. It pissed me off how Jasper just had to mention how many years, as if to say that it'd been long enough; get over it.

It's not like he, or anybody else besides Carlisle, knew everything that had happened to me. That, and the police chief that had found me in my bedroom all those years ago. Nobody could understand, or compare. It's not like being taken out of a situation makes everything better. The memories, the nightmares...It lingers.

And especially when I look so much like him... It really was no wonder why my mother gave up, she probably couldn't look at a face that looked so much like his, the person she murdered to save us. It wouldn't exactly call it murder when it was basically self defense, which was what saved her from going to jail. If she'd just attacked and killed him, then she would have been in jail, trail and all.

I would have never wanted her to go to jail because of him, of all people. I could only imagine the immense guilt that could wrack my body if she went to jail just so I wouldn't suffer.

For a long while I sat in the sand, not being bothered by anybody. When I headed inside, it was quiet, but not for long. I heard voices in the direction of the foyer.

" I don't know what his deal is, I mean, we've been cool. He hasn't ever been like that when we were rooming together or some shit."

" Jasper, he's always been like that. I know snippets of his life, but this is who he is. I mean, he's not one to change for anything. With the Bella thing, okay, I think it's a little funny, but the more you push him about it, the farther away he goes. I mean, he's always been like that from what I know."

" He just got in a fucking twist when I said I was quitting smoking for Alice."

" Well, that's because he's different, man. Just let him be, maybe the comment about the 'seven years' pissed him off. He'll get over it."

" Yeah...We'll, I am just going to head upstairs and give Alice a call."

I heard Emmett's footsteps towards the kitchen and I opened the fridge, grabbing water. When he saw me, he jumped back in surprise with a laugh.

" Dude, that was creepy."

" Sorry." I mumbled, taking a long swig.

" Did you by any chance hear..."

" Yes, Emmett. And I say this is the nicest way possible, I don't give a fuck what everyone says about me."

" Hey, I was just sticking up for you."

I sighed " Well, er, thanks for that."

He was about to open his mouth and say something, but I heard footsteps bounding through the foyer. There were giggles and talking, which made me roll my eyes.

" WERE BACK!" Alice's loud, obnoxious voice exclaimed.

They all appeared in the kitchen, dropping all of their shopping bags on the table. There was bags from many places, Holister, Pink, Victoria's Secret, Old Navy, Aeropostal, Pac Sun, Journeys and I even saw a Barnes and Noble bag in there.

Esme excused herself to see Carlisle and I saw Bella collecting her things. Of course the Barnes and Noble bag belonged to her. I wondered if she bought more vampire erotica. With a sigh I headed towards the stairs.

I wondered what was in the Victoria's Secret bag that Bella had grabbed.

**Authors Note-**

**I apologize for a short chapter, but I was having alot of trouble with this chapter. I lost my mojo a bit, but I am searching. Now, back to the question portion of this.**

**Two Weeks Ago Question- Well, I have actually been out of state many times. I've basically seen all of Southern United States. I went to Disney World in '06, went to Houston, Texas for CFA Internation Show. And I've been to other states for small things. This weekend I am actually going to Texas for some business.**

**This Weeks Question- Whats your all time favorite food?**

**I await your answers, and I promise next chapter will be longer.**


	9. Alice's Birthday

**Authors Note- Hello, everyone. Again**, **I apologize for not being able to update last week. With unpacking and getting life back on straight I didn't have much time to write, and have a chapter done on time.**

**School has started, and I can't promise that I won't be late. Because I don't have chapters already made. Education comes before Twilight, sorry everyone.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

Friday

June 6th

2008

~\\~

EPOV

Alice had gotten me up this morning at the ass crack of dawn, reminding me that it was her Birthday and laying next to me until I sat up. Her smile was big enough to look like it hurt, and the excitement in her eyes was sparkling. She looked at me from under her eyelashes, giving me her best puppy dog eyes.

" So, what did you get me?" Alice asked sweetly.

" A shirt that says 'Worlds Most Fucking Annoying Person'."

She slapped my chest " It's most fucking annoying _sister_ to you."

I knew she would never give up the sister thing, and I wished that I could just call her my sister.

" Jasper told me that you both haven't talked in awhile. He's sorry about making it sound like it's been so long and you should get over it. We were talking, and I know he really is sorry. But, we all just want you to move on with your life. Be happy. That is all we want for you, Edward."

" I know, Alice. But I can take care of myself, and whatever path I lead myself is where I am, if it goes to shit, it's my fault. I'm responsible for that, not you, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme...Or even Jasper for that fucking matter. I control my life now."

" Yeah...Okay! Enough with the serious. There are sparkly wrapped gifts on the table, and I want to open them! So, up, up, up!"

With an irritated groan I sat up further, and she grabbed my hand, hopping off the bed and pulling as hard as she could. It wasn't even enough to make me move a centimeter. She huffed and dropped my hand. I rubbed both of my tired eyes and swung my legs over the bed.

" LETS GO!" she shouted, tugging harshly.

" Fuck! Alice, I'll be down in a minute, Jesus Christ."

" Five minutes. Starting now. one...two...three..."

I slammed the bathroom door shut with a loud, aggrivated sigh. When I turned around, I then slammed into something short and skinny. For a moment I was surprised, but then I saw Bella, and she was flying backwards towards the linoleum floor.

As quickly as I could I grasped for her, grabbing a hold of her hip and using my other arm to grab her waist. She gasped in surprise, and both of us stilled. Her small body was pressed against mine, she was really warm, and not exactly sporting much clothes besides shorts and a very tiny tanktop. And fuck was it nice. For just a second I marvelled in the feeling.

Quickly I released her waist and she stood on her feet. I cleared my throat awkwardly.

" Sorry. I'm still not used to..."

She let out a breath " No, it's fine. I'm good. Thank you for catching me, it was like running into a concrete wall."

I gave her an apologetic smile, and a beautiful blush spread over her cheeks.

_Why in the fuck was I using beautiful in my vocabulary now?_

" Do you have to use the washroom? I was just finishing unlocking the door when you came in."

" Yeah, I do."

She awkwardly shuffled out of the washroom and I locked the doors. After taking a piss I got into the shower quickly. Alice could wait a few extra minutes.

Ten minutes later, I headed downstairs. Everyone was in the kitchen, and Alice was bouncing in her seat. Jasper had his hands on her shoulders, obviously trying to calm her down from her outrageous excitement. I was glad she was so excited that she didn't notice I took more time upstairs.

The sun was bright, and it shone through the kitchen. On the table, there were many wrapped gifts. From Jasper it was in a silver sparkly paper, with a pink looped bow pasted ontop of it. Bella had obviously wrapped hers in pink paper and wrapped ribbon around it with care. It was very intricate. Carlisle and Esme's gifts had ' Happy Birthday' written on it repeatedly, with sparkly stripes in the paper. And both Emmett and Rosalie's gifts were wrapped in purple paper with fancy ribbons like the rest.

Mine of course was just simple blue wrapping paper. No fuss.

Alice started with Carlisle and Esme's gifts. And she was extremely excited to recieve a brand new iPhone, and other small Gift Cards and other things that Carlisle and Esme had purchased for her. She showed enthusiasm with every single gift, right down to a fucking prank book that Emmett got her as a joke.

Rosalie and Emmett had both pitched in and got her a beautiful pair of earrings that she was still fawning over. And Jasper had gotten her a very expensive Burberry purse, that I knew she'd been drooling over for awhile.

Bella had gotten her a Burberry sweater and some very expensive Dolce&Gabbana pumps. And Alice was still glaring at Bella about the price, because apparently Alice knows that the damn shoes were over five hundred dollars.

Not in offence, but Bella didn't exactly look like a girl who had thousands laying around, but it was her business what kind of money she has.

_Why do I even care about her financial situation?_

When Alice reached my gift, she picked up the bigger one, which held the glass jewelry box that I'd gotten her from my good friends mother. As I'd said previously, she made things like this and Jess was really cool about asking her. It was pretty convenient that I had connections. And since I am a friend, her mom gave me a small discount.

Once she ripped the paper off, she opened up the white box and peeked to see what was inside. She took the jewelry box out and set it on the table to look at it closely. Everyone was basically gaping at it.

Yes, I do know how to buy a gift with sentimental value.

" Edward...It's..."

Alice? Speechless? Who in the fuck would have known it was possible.

" It's absolutely beautiful Edward, thank you so much."

I could tell she was about to stand up, but I stopped her " There is more. Open it."

She quickly opened up the jewelry box and saw the Tiffany box with the white ribbon. Excitedly, she untied the bow and opened up the box. When she opened it, her excitement turned into being extremely ecstatic to see the diamond palm tree necklace. In an instant she had her arms in a vice grip around my waist.

Alice was happy. That was all that mattered.

" Thank you so much, Edward."

" Of course. Not everyday the local pixie turns twenty two."

She slapped my arm, but still hugged me for a moment before running over to everyone else for a hug. When she started making out with Jasper, Carlisle cut in and said that the wrapping paper needed to be thrown out. It was obvious how uncomfortable he felt with his daughter kissing a guy.

Alice ran her things up to her room and came back down to sit in the family room with the others. I helped Esme cook breakfast, because nobody else offered besides Carlisle. I crisped up some bacon and saw Bella pouring orange juice into a glass pitcher on Esme's request.

" So, Bella. Alice tells me your making her Birthday dinner."

I raised my eyebrows at this. Esme always made Alice's Birthday dinner, which was always salmon with baked potatoes. Alice may seem high maintenance, but she is a very simple person when it comes to certain things.

" Yeah, I hope that's alright. I told her it wasn't my-"

" Don't worry, dear. I am perfectly fine. Are you going to be coming back here later after shopping?"

Bella nodded " Yeah. Alice said that she could drop me off here at around five and everyone can go out for the hour while I make dinner."

Esme frowned " I don't want you all alone here, cooking by yourself?"

" It's fine. I'm used to being alone anyways. Back at my college I had an apartment on campus, so it was just me."

Esme nodded. "So, dear, have you been looking for any jobs around the Seattle area? Or were you planning on moving elsewhere for a job?"

" I've been applying to papers in Seattle and basically everywhere in Washington. I've missed home so much, I just want to stay in the States from now on. Nothing is back in London really, and my dad is here."

" Where does your mother live?"

Nice...

" My mom died when I was younger."

" Oh! Dear, I apologize. I didn't..."

" No, it's alright. It happened a long time ago."

" You know, Edward lost his father when he was fifteen. He still struggles with the loss."

What the fuck?

My head snapped over to Esme, and Carlisle looked over at me like I was about to shoot her.

How fucking dare she even mention something, when Bella's situation is exact opposite of mine.

She had a loving mother, and probably a just as loving father.

I glared hard at Esme, my anger rising.

" Edward..." Carlisle murmured.

" I lost my father? Like it was even a fucking loss, he was a no good son of a bitch. Don't bring up something that you don't know a god damn thing about." I spat.

" EDWARD!"

I grabbed my car keys from the hook and ran out the front door, slamming it roughly. I walked over to my Volvo just as I saw Alice running just as fast as I, out the door. She got to me just as I opened the car door of the drivers seat.

" Edward, please, don't go. It's my Birthday, please."

" Why does she keep pushing, why can't I be left the fuck alone. Your little friend doesn't need to know anything about me, and Esme has no damn right to bring it up when it was an entirely different situation. Did her father kill her mother? Huh? Like how my mother killed my father. No, I don't fucking think so. And did her father just abandon her? DID HE?"

I realized at this point that I was basically screaming at her, and clearly she was crying.

" Edward, calm down. It's okay."

" It's not."

Her arms wrapped around my waist, and when I looked around, I realized that I had an audience. Esme was walking down the stairs towards me, but right now, I didn't even want to look at her. She over-stepped her boundries. Telling anybody any part of my life, parts that I don't want people to know, she especially has no right to say anything.

" I'm going to just drive around for a short while, okay?"

" Don't be lo-"

" Edward, I want to talk to you." Esme spoke.

Alice grabbed my wrist.

" I really don't have much to say right now. What you said was over stepping boundries. Nobody needs to know about my past, especially people I don't know. Whatever people know about me, is what _I _tell them. I care about you, Esme, and you may have been my legal guardian, but that doesn't give you any right to talk about my past. I don't appreciate it. At all."

" I'm sorry, Edward. But-"

" I'm twenty three, and while I appreciate all you've done for me, that doesn't buy you the right of anything. Carlisle has clearly accepted that I don't like talking about my past, and or bringing it up with anyone. I'd like for you to do the same."

" Edward, your not going anywhere. It's your sister's Birthday, and you should be here." Carlisle stated firmly. " I know you, Edward. And you'll go straight to the liquor store to get a six pack of Corona."

I scoffed " Just like my father."

With an eye roll I walked off down the sidewalk. Suddenly, I felt a firm hand grip my wrist.

" Emmett..."

My body froze immediatly at the familar strong hand.

~\\~

_Flashback_

_~\\~_

_With one last strike to the marred and bloodied skin to my back, I ran to my bedroom, wanting to escape from all of the pain. The stinging was intense, and my knee's almost buckled from all of the pain that wracked through my body. My mother laid on the kitchen floor, crying at her helplessness with her tangled hair hiding her features from me._

_I felt his firm hand grip my wrist, and I froze. His knee made contact with my lower back and I buckled to the ground, my nose crunching as I felt pain spark to my face._

_" Never walk away from me! YOU HEAR ME!"_

_My stomach rolled as I smelt the cigars and the smell of stale beer, mixed with the smell of gasoline. I gagged._

_SNAP!_

_I screamed, feeling him whip the already raw skin of my back. My body arched away from him, his knee digging further into my lower back. My cries got more louder as he kept hitting the skin, I was weak, my body couldn't move to save myself._

_" EDWARD! Stop! Your hurting him! Please, Ed!"_

_~\\~_

_End of Flashback_

" Let me go." I said in a strangled whisper, my memories catching up with my head.

My brain registered the same grip, it was just like my fathers. The grip that pulled me back, the one that I could never escape to save myself from the hours of being beaten. How that firm grip was used to shove me to floors, and out of rooms.

I felt my body going into lockdown, the weak feelings creeping up towards me and wrapping around me.

" Not until you get back in the house. It's my sisters Birthday, we want to have a nice day."

I felt the world around me moving, and I felt Emmett give me a sharp tug on my arm.

" EMMETT! Let him go, before something ha- EDWARD!"

~\\~

" Should I call 911?"

" No. He just had a panic attack."

" Dad, I'm sorry. I forget..."

" Emmett, you have to watch yourself with him. He may act all tough and mighty, but the moment he feels a male gripping him like you did, his brain locks down. It's all he thinks about."

" Is he going to be okay?" I heard a small voice ask.

" He's fine, Bella. Edward just has phobia's with physical contact from males ...He's had a rough life as you can probably imagine."

My body moved on its own accord into a sitting position. I rubbed the palms of my hand into my eyes before opening them. My entire body was still in panic, and as I looked over and saw Emmett, I scrambled off the ground.

He started towards me, " Edward, man, I-"

" Don't come near me, don't touch me." I rasped out, backing away.

I saw him take one step, and my eyes frantically moved around me. He was going to grab me again, he was going to pull on me just as he did. I knew he would, and nobody would ever handle me like that again. Ever.

" Edward." Carlisle said cautiously.

Instead of waiting for anybody to say anything further, I ran into the house and upstairs. I slammed the bedroom door and locked it, leaning against it for a second.

I felt like I was fourteen all over again; scared and alone.

I stared at my wrist.

The moment that I felt the familar hold, the familar tug, my brain went straight back to those days many years ago. The grip was all too familar. I squeezed my eyes shut and closed my eyes. It was these moments in my life where I wish I had my mom, so that I could talk with her about this.

She always talked to me about it, even though I knew she didn't understand, she still let me talk to her. I talked less as I got older, but I still missed her warm embrace, telling me that it would be okay.

Now, all I needed was to be alone, because I had nobody to talk to. Nobody that I wanted to talk to about it. I wanted to say that I felt alone, and not have to explain why. My mother always knew, she understood me like nobody ever had.

But I knew that I had Alice, and I always went to Alice about something when I needed to talk. She was always there for me, and she sat and listened as I talked. I never went so far as to tell her about beatings, but she knew that my father hit me. When I first came into the family, after a long while, Alice was the first one that I went to.

About a half hour later, Alice knocked on my door, and for whatever reason I let her in. She sat on my bed with me quietly. We didn't talk for a short while, until I decided to apologize.

" I'm sorry I am ruining your Birthday."

" Your not. Emmett shouldn't have touched you. He knows. I know he doesn't forget."

" I got scared...When he didn't let go."

" I know, Edward."

" I felt like I was back home, and he was there. I couldn't breathe."

" Emmett thinks your scared of him."

I looked down. " I've always been scared."

_I'm a fucking grown man, and I am scared of people?_

" I know you've always feared Emmett in some form. Even my dad. Your past doesn't go away, but in some way you need to let it go and live. You have a great future Edward, if you choose it."

She was completely right, but why couldn't I just let go?

" Were going out shopping. I know you probably don't want to go, but Bella is going to be back here later. Maybe you can help her with dinner?"

" Alice..."

" Edward, give her a chance. Try and talk with her. She'd be good for you. Bella is such a fun-loving, happy person. You need someone like her. Let her in." Alice whispered, patting my hand.

~\\~

While everyone was out for shopping, on Alice's request, I relaxed outside.

Alice's words rang through my head repeatedly. I was unable to forget them.

_" You need someone like her."_

_" She'd be good for you."_

_" Let her in."_

I wondered how I could possibly let her in, when I can't even let my adopted family in. People who I've spent years with, and I've known this girl for not even a month. I couldn't deny that I had a pull towards her, because I knew it from the start.

I've had two actual relationships, one was just plain stupid, and the other was unfaithful. I had a few fun nights at a bar, nothing that turned serious. Never have I been in a serious relationship, and most of them normally never lasted because of how cryptic with my past I remain.

Bella seemed to know a little about my past. She knew that I was adopted, had male issues, and obviously I am emotionally retarded sometimes. I can go from happy to pissed in one second flat.

What I really did not want, was to start a relationship knowing that I have no time for one. I don't want to do that to Bella. No girl deserves and half-assed relationship, and it wouldn't be fair. Eventually someone would get tired of it, and both of us would be upset that we would have no time together.

Who's to say a relationship would work out that far. What if Bella doesn't even like me the way that I like her.

Maybe if I did let her in, let her get to know the real me, then maybe she could accept who I am, or maybe she wouldn't. Maybe I would be too much of a struggle. I knew that right now I couldn't struggle with all of the maybe's. They got me nowhere.

I have to find out for myself.

Take a chance.

Life is all about chances, and right now, what else do I've got to lose.

~\\~

Bella was dropped back off at the house at five, and Alice walked in and gave her a hug goodbye before they sped off. I sat in the kitchen, waiting for Bella because I decided that maybe I should offer her some help in the kitchen.

When she walked into the room, she jumped back in surprise upon seeing me. She was holding three bags, filled with food that I imagined was for dinner.

" I didn't expect to see you there." she said, setting the bags on the counter.

" Sorry..."

" It's fine. Are you feeling better?"

" Uh, yeah. I apologize that you had to see that."

" Hey, we aren't perfect, only human. Do you want to help with dinner? I'm not exactly sure how to use that fancy grill outside."

I smiled slightly " Sure."

Together we took all of the groceries out of the bags. There was salmon, agave nectar, fresh mint and parsley, lemons and oranges. I never even knew what Agave was until I read that it was from a plant on the little bottle.

" So, what exactly are you making?" I asked, setting the salmon down and tossing out all of the grocery bags.

She organized everything on the counter, putting the seasonings, fruits and other things in order.

" It's Salmon with Salsa Verde. I made it once for Alice when I came to visit, she really liked it."

" Okay, so where are the measuring cups and spoons?" she asked

I reached for the drawer infront of her, and she stepped back. I grabbed all of them and set it on the counter, she requested a hand grater, and I gave that to her also. We basically had everything a real chef would need in this kitchen.

Bella reached over and grabbed the red pepper flakes, setting the jar by the salt. I watched her, and saw how consentrated she was. It was really cute. She was biting her lip, staring at all of the ingredients infront of her, with a recipe sheet beside her.

She was wearing this cute little sun dress, she wears them alot I've noticed. This one had a racerback, and by the hips the black fabric was almost lace looking, with white in the fabric and a small white bow on the side. It hit about mid-thigh, and she had a pair of white leggings underneath, with a pair of black wedged shoes. Bella was always well put together.

" Do you have a paring knife?"

Paring knife...

" Uh, if we do it'd be in here."

I slid open a drawer of knives, and carefully, Bella sorted through it, picking up a small, what must have been; a paring knife. I closed the drawer and she handed me an orange. I held it dumbly and she stared at me.

" Get the peel off it please." she requested lightly as she picked up olive oil and poured it into a medium bowl.

I cut off both of the ends and put it on one flat end, using the knife and curving it around the orange to get it all off. When I handed it to her, she picked up the paring knife, and cut along the membrance on both sides of each segment, freeing the segments and putting them in the bowl. We did that with two oranges, and then we zested an orange and lemon with the hand grater.

" This is weird as all get out." I stated, awkwardly holding the orange with the hand grater.

She laughed. " Like this."

Bella took it from me and held the orange, moving the hand grater along it and moving it around. The zest was in a small pile on the cutting board, with the lemon next to it.

" Your a girl, of course you know how to do that shit."

She looked up at me " Is that a sexist joke. As in, women belong in the kitchen?"

" No." I said slowly.

" Better not be. I'm not afraid to hit you."

" I bet you aren't." I said with amusement,

She had me chopping up three tablespoons of fresh mint leaves, and a half a cup of Italian flat leaf parsley. Bella chopped up two scallions, and we added the parsley, scallions, mint, two tablespoons of orange zest, one teaspoon of lemon zest and one teaspoon of crushed red pepper flakes into the orange segments, and 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil.

" Why do they call it, Extra Virgin? Does it mean that it's not as..fucking, like seasoned or tampered with as just regular olive oil?" I asked her while I measured a fourth cup of fresh lemon juice from the lemons we zested.

Bella giggled " You ask the oddest questions."

" I am being damn serious. I mean, who calls their olive oil a virgin? Thats fucking weird."

" It's just more fruity, Edward."

I nodded, pouring the lemon juice into the bowl. She shook her head with a smile and mixed up everything in the bowl.

" What?"

" Nothing, your just...fun."

" Fun?"

" Yeah, your fun. F-U-N, should I say it slow?"

I glared at her " Oh, being a smartass are you."

" You swear, too, much."

" Get used to it. It's my _fucking _choice to swear."

She shook her head " My dad would hate you."

" Well, it's not like I am meeting your dad. Who gives a shit?"

For a long moment, she was very quiet, and I said nothing because I didn't want to bother her or some shit. She almost looked a little bit mad about something. Definately don't want to deal with that shit.

" Okay, I need the salmon."

Each piece of Salmon was four to five ounces, they were center cut fillets, skinned and about four inchs square. There was one for everyone. Bella grabbed the amber agave nectar and she glazed both sides of each filet with the agave, and put a little bit of salt and pepper on them.

I'd already turned on the grill, and I took foil outside as Bella carried the plate of salmon. I laid foil on the grill and put all of the salmon pieces on the foil. When I sat down at the outside table set, Bella sat in a chair across from me.

" So, why don't you spend much time with your family? Alice really looks up to you."

I chuckled " She shouldn't."

" Why not?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

" If you haven't noticed, I am not the greatest example of a...big brother. I'm not even a big brother."

" Alice calls you her older brother. I mean, you've lived with them for awhile, right?"

" Why are you pushing the subject?" I asked, annoyed.

She looked down at her hands. " I'm sorry, I shouldn't be...I'm just trying to understand you more."

" Why is that?"

" Because there's something about you."

As if that isn't vague and cryptic.

" I should go flip the fish." I deadpanned.

" Why do you always run away when you hear something that you don't particularly like. I just gave you a compliment basically!"

This girl is so confusing. Hell, girls in general are confusing. I opened the grill and flipped all of the salmon filets, they were cooked perfectly on the side, a crust from the agave was ontop. It looked really good, I was excited to try it.

" I should go cook the rice." Bella stated, standing up.

" Wait."

She looked at me. " What?"

" I don't want to sound like I don't...like your company. I'm just not used to someone like you."

Bella looked positively enraged by my words.

_What the hell did I say this time?_

" Someone like me? What does that mean?"

" Not in a bad way! Nobody here bothers to try and figure me out, all they want to know is about my past. They know me like anyother person, but they don't know the real person that I am. I have never met anybody that was even interested in getting to know me. Why are you?"

Her eyes softened, " Because I can tell that your different."

With that she escaped into the house.

She acted as if she liked me, but she was so defensive at times that it was almost scary. No doubt she was completely and utterly gorgeous, and she wasn't one of the girls who acted like they knew it, which is what I really liked about her. There was definately part of her that was defensive, and maybe wary. She seemed like a very smart girl, no way she bought herself into Cambridge, I don't think even Carlisle could do that for anybody.

From a few weeks ago, she seems to have relationship issues, or is it just intimacy issues? I really have no right to even bring that up with her, it's none of my fucking business. Alice, no doubt, knows about it considering her reaction for Emmett making the bed comment. Alice was only sticking up for Bella, I knew that.

Obviously she had something going on with intimacy in the past, but I wouldn't broach the subject. Patience was the key.

Once the salmon was finished, I put it back on the plate and walked inside the house. The microwave was on, and the rice was cooking in there. I set the salmon down and Bella turned around.

She put a clean, white, square plate on the counter and grabbed a spatula. Slowly she put each filet on the platter, and grabbed two spoons. We put the salsa on each filet, giving each a generous amount. Once the bowl was empty, she took the extra liquid and poured it on each. The plate curved up just a bit at the sides, so the liquid didn't spill out all around.

Still, she hadn't said anything, and when I glanced at her, catching her looking, she would blush. When the rice was done, she fluffed it up in the bowl and set it on the table, along with the salmon.

I set the table and just as I set the last napkin on Emmett's seat, the front door opened.

Alice was carrying atleast eight bags, and Jasper was holding more. Esme had two bags, Rosalie had four and Emmett had three. Carlisle was holding just one. I knew Bella's things were upstairs, she'd taken them up before cooking.

" Oh! It smells sooooo good in here!" Alice exclaimed, dropping her bags by the stairs.

Bella appeared from the dining room door and Alice jumped at her quickly, hugging her tightly.

" Thanks so much for dinner, Bella. Really, it smells amazing!"

" Of course, lets eat before it gets cold."

Everyone was seated, and I could see how Emmett was looking at the food.

" I am a man. I eat steak." was all he said.

" Emmett! Bella took time out of the day to make this."

Bella looked up " Edward helped, too."

Their eyes all shot to me and I shrugged " What the fuck are you looking at me for? I do know how to somewhat cook."

Since they decided they were frozen, I scooped some rice into my plate and put the salmon with the salsa ontop of the bed of rice. They looked away and got their food. I put some of the salmon on my fork, a little rice with it, and put it in my mouth.

It was really good, I liked it.

Everyone else took wary bites before they started fawning over how great of a cook Bella was. Man, she must be eating that shit right up right now. I rolled my eyes and continued to eat the meal. Afterwards, during cleanup, I saw her in the kitchen washing her plate.

" So, you must have been loving those compliments." I noted, standing next to her.

" What's that supposed to mean?"

" Nothing, I bet you just loved the attention though."

" I hate being fawned over. But what was I going to say ' stop the compliments'?" she asked with a laugh.

" No, but you blushed."

She looked away and blushed, " Yeah, I did, and I just did again. Thank you. It's completely embarassing, and a curse. "

I rinsed off the plate and grabbed a dish towel, after it was completely dry, I reached up to put it in the cabinet.

" It's cute, don't be embarassed." I told her, smiling before walking away.

I glanced back at her over my shoulder, and she was staring at me, an unreadable expression on her face.

She blushed once more and looked down, biting her lip.

Now that was just down right adorable.

I knew from that moment I was fucking screwed, big time.

**Authors Note-**

**Soo...It's finally completely admitted that he likes her. I know some of you might be upset about his outburst at Esme, but you have to remember his past. Edward is short tempered, and he doesn't like that Esme brings things up and pry's into it. **

**Okay, now onto the questions.**

**Last Weeks Question (My answer) - What's your all time favorite food?**

**Okay, this is a bit hard for me. I love basically any Italian type food, but I do love Calamari, which is fried squid. Sounds gross, tastes amazing. So I would have to say Calamari right now, it will probably change next week.**

**This Weeks Question- Are you a good cook? If so, what are you best at cooking?**

**Leave a review, click the button right below this arrow!**

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**V**


	10. Fight For Bella

**Authors Note- Hello everyone. Hope your week is going good. I am busy as ever, but I am posting teasers again, and the occasional quick teaser on my twitter. So follow me for all that good stuff.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

EPOV

At the end of the day, Alice had a really nice Birthday. We sang Happy Birthday, Alice blowing out the candles and making a wish over a chocolate cake. As I retreated to my room with my laptop, Alice came into my room and plopped down on my bed. She was wearing a wicked grin that told me that she knew something.

" I had a great day today. I wanted to thank everyone."

" Alice, I know that's not the only reason your in here. Just talk and get it the fuck over with." I said with a chuckle.

Alice laid back on her bed, and I continued to type.

" She really is easy sometimes. Rose, Bella and I were in my room, and she was just so...lost in thought, like how you get. When we asked her what was up, she blushed, not even just a little blush, the girl blushed cherry red. After just a second, my friend blurted out ' Edward said I was cute.' Now, I figured that I would come to the source."

I rolled my eyes " I said her blushing was cute."

She looked crest fallen.

" So, as in, ' Aw my little sister has a cute blush' ?"

I coughed " Uh, I guess?"

" Edward, was it like that, or was it more like; Bella's blush is really cute, I like her?"

_Seriously Alice? Really?_

" You know that I kind of like her. But don't you dare meddle your little pixie ass into it. In the end, nothing will happen. Were opposite. I'm deep into the darkness of life, and she's basking in the sunlight."

" That's not true. Edward, if you let yourself be happy, you will be. I really really think that Bella would be great for you. And I know she likes you. I mean, her blush Edward, she was completely embarassed, yet thrilled at your words at the same time. As long as you won't break her heart, just ask her out."

" I will break her heart...I'm not going to be around Alice, ever. What's going to happen if were still together during damn school months? All that's going to happen, is we are going to fucking miss eachother, and it will be a strain on our relationship. I don't want to do that to a girl, it's not fair. Then what's going to happen? Two broken hearts, two people who miss eachother, two people hurt from a shitty relationship."

" Talk to her about it then. Tell her about your fears!"

" Fuck, Alice. This really is not the time to talk about it. Were not even together, and I am not sure we're ever going to be."

She huffed " Debbie Downer."

" I am a guy."

" Fine...Danny Downer."

I rolled my eyes at her. " Either way, Alice, it's not gonna happen."

" Fine. Whatever. So, we are going to Fuego & Hielo tomorrrow night, all of us...Well, not Carlisle and Esme, but you get it. We are going to dance, drink and have some fun. Including you, dear brother."

" Hot girls, tight dresses and drinks. It's been a long fuckin' time since my last sexual encounter. I'm in."

Alice slapped me " I don't want to know about your sex life."

" I have a question though. Does Bella put out?"

" Edward!"

" Just asking, it would make my decision so much easier."

She shook her head " Your awful."

" I'm kidding."

" No, but Bella is...You probably already know by the bed incident, but Bella had a bad past relationship, and she's a little... she doesn't like it when people talk about her encounters with the subject, or make comments like Emmett did."

My eyes slightly widened " Alice, please don't tell me that her boyfriend or some shit raped her."

Alice gasped " God, no! Edward, no, that didn't happen. Look, I can't tell you, but just...If your going to be dating her and are expecting her to just have sex with you, it's not going to happen. And plus, I think Bella deserves something nice! Like candles, oooh, body oils and-"

" Alice, I don't want to know her preferences when having sex."

She hopped off the bed with a laugh. " Bye, Edward!"

" Body oils." I muttered under my breath, shaking my head.

~\\~

In the morning they all ate a breakfast that Esme made. I showered, dressed, had a smoke, and lounged around the house until we had to leave to go to the bar Alice was jabbering on about. I'd mostly been kidding about the girl thing, but fuck, it's been awhile. Right now, I really don't think it would be the time to hook up, considering my feelings with Bella.

And the fact that I have nowhere to take the girl. If I brought her here, I would get shit for it. That's a no go.

" Edward, please tell me your not wearing that to a _club_." Alice asked.

I looked down at my button up and jeans " What is wrong with my clothing?"

" Give me the button down."

" Ali-"

" .."

I rolled my eyes and stood up, I heard Bella laughing over by the couch. I took off the button up shirt and handed it to her. For the oddest reason, she smelt the fabric, lifting it towards her nose.

" Hmm, this smells good. What kind of cologne do you use?"

" Your so weird. Now what?"

" Nothing, your shoes are fine. Wear your leather jacket, fix your hair and you look pretty badass. We can find you some leggy blonde to nail." she said, teasing at the end.

Rosalie laughed " Is poor Edward sexually deprived?"

I sat down on the couch once more, now I just had on my boots, jeans and a white t-shirt.

" Terribly. Damn, ever since Victoria, I mean, we had sex like twice, but she was a fucking animal. God bless the guy that marries her, hope he doesn't have a job because she is a full time one."

" I don't want to hear about your sex life." Rosalie said.

" Aw, sure you do...I'm not exactly finished."

She rolled her eyes " Want to explain all of the bar hook-ups. I must say, I feel bad for the girls that didn't go all the way."

" Halfway into my pants is fine, but I'm not just going to have sex with some random girl. No matter how sexy. I'm not that much of a shitty person."

" Oh is that so? Is it my turn now."

" Sure go for it. Fuck, let's just call the rest in here and we can just all talk about our sexual encounters. This ought to be damn funny with you and Emmett here."

" Shut up."

" Rosalie, he once let it slip out that you both had sex in the bathroom of the Mini Golf place downtown. And I can't forget when you both told us about the dressing room incident in a _kids _clothing store in the mall."

" Hey! There is a perfect explanation. We were shopping for my mothers best friends new baby, and then we talked about kids, and then that led to how you make kids, and then we went into the dressing room. Atleast it wasn't in the actual store out in the open. I think everyone has atleast had sex in an interesting place."

Jasper walked into the room, smiling. " Talkin' about sex are we?"

" Didn't you ever have sex in an interesting place?" Rosalie asked.

" My first time was in a girls locker room in high school." he stated.

" See!"

I rolled my eyes " I know people do Rosalie. I mean, fuck, my first time with Tanya was infact at the shed aquarium. She mauled me by the jellyfish...damn good times."

Everyone laughed and I glanced over at Bella, who was positively quiet and blushing an obnoxious bright red that rivals Rudolph's nose.

" Looks like someone over there is completely embarassed." I noted.

Rosalie looked at Bella " Is the virgin embarassed?"

Oh, so she is a complete and total virgin. Alice never mentioned that.

" Shut up Rosalie. I think you forgot to mention that your first time was actually in that dressing room."

Jasper and I looked right at Rosalie and burst out laughing. Her first time was in a child's clothing store dressing room? I know my first time wasn't exactly ideal, but her first time was _there. _It was definately laughable.

" She got you, Rose." Jasper spluttered out between laughs.

" Well...Bella is a virgin. You have no idea what sex even means!"

" Are we seriously talking about this?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes.

" Atleast I'm pure."

" Oh, yeah? I think pure means you haven't done _anything_ sexual."

Bella rolled her eyes right back at Rosalie.

" I don't think Edward dates virgin's, do you Edward? Just out of curiousity?"

My eyes flashed to Rosalie. What was she getting at here?

" Uh...Truthfully? I haven't dated a virgin, and I mean, I think It'd probably be a little different. Hell, I think it's kind of hard to hold the V card for a girl, because from Emmett's history, they fuckin' cling. I don't like clingy, but hey, I've never dated one. I'm not like...opposed to virgins tecnically."

" Aw, you might have a chance, Bella!"

She stood up, " Yeah..Uhm, I should go."

As she walked away towards the foyer, I looked at Rose. " That wasn't nice."

" What?"

" Just because she hasn't had sex doesn't mean you should pick fun."

I stood up and followed after Bella, catching her in the foyer. I kind of felt bad, because she looked a little upset right now. I caught up to her and looked down at her, her eyes were on the ground.

" Hey." I said, standing next to her.

She looked up at me quickly before staring back at the floor.

" No need to be embarassed you know. Rose just likes to poke fun and say shit."

" It's embarassing though. I mean, here are all of you telling stories about your sex lifes. I have nothing."

I moved around infront of her, stopping her from walking. She was shocked for a moment as I looked her straight in the eye, my gaze not wavering.

" Some guys like that, you know, a girl with no experience. It's not like ' Oh your a virgin, moving on'. Your a beautiful girl, Bella, and you have alot going for you."

_Where the fuck did that come from?_

I kind of stood there for a moment, confused as to why I just blurted out all of that.

" Thank you, Edward. That means alot to me." she said quietly.

" Yeah, sure..."

" BELLA! Get up here! I have your dress!"

" I AM NOT WEARING A DRESS!"

I laughed and Bella sighed, leaning her head back. I smiled at her, apologetic. Alice is crazy when it comes to makeovers, and unfortunetly Bella had to be subjected to that tonight.

" Good luck."

~\\~

Tonight, I was going to be in deep shit.

The women was seriously going to give me a heart attack.

No, she wasn't wearing a dress, much to Alice's (and my) dismay. Although the shorts that she was wearing, were the shortest shorts I have seen. Her legs looked so fucking long, and her feet were adorned in high heeled shoes that had to be atleast four inches tall.

Instead of a dress. She wore a cream colored top with thin straps and it flowed out, and slightly clinged at the bottom. Her boobs...they looked absolutely amazing in that shirt. Since it's pretty chilly out, she had on a brown cardigan that was pushed up to her elbows and hung off her body.

Damn...

Alice decided to take Emmett and Rosalie with her, and so Bella and I were left in the Volvo. She was shifting around in the seat, and I wondered if she had to use the washroom.

" You alright?" I asked, keeping my eye on the road so I wouldn't get lost.

" Yeah, great."

Her legs looked so soft and creamy, I really wanted to just reach out and touch her skin.

When we arrived at Fuego & Hielo and I got out of the car, quickly going to the other side to open Bella's door. She thanked me and slid out of the car. I shut the door and Alice bounced right towards her, chattering away.

I walked over to the bouncer, showing my ID before walking into the heavily populated club. It was, not surprisingly, hot in this place. Sweaty bodies dancing to the music and having drinks at the bar. It wasn't too packed, but it was not empty.

The rest of them piled behind me and we went up the stairs to find a table. We found one with six stools and took a seat. I was itching for a drink, but I didn't move.

" Okay, we need DD's tonight. I said I would." Jasper said loudly, making sure everyone could hear.

" I'm cool. As long as I don't have over three drinks." I stated.

Alice grabbed Bella's hand. " Were getting trashed tonight! Woo."

After ten minutes I headed down to the bar and got some whiskey. Bella, Rosalie and Alice were sipping the normal, Cosmo's, Sex on a Beach, Mojito and Pina Colada. I knew how to make all of these drinks, of course, I learned all of the concoctions when I was working a bartending job.

Emmett eventually dragged Rosalie onto the dance floor and they were doing some weird shit. They were grinding, running hands over their bodies all the way to the floor. It was just weird. Alice was bouncing around Jasper, who was just moving around Alice with a smile.

Bella and I sat next to eachother, doing absolutely nothing.

Just as she opened her mouth, Alice grabbed her wrist and brought her out on the dancefloor. I could see them clearly argueing for a moment before Bella had her hands in the air and she was dancing. I really wanted to know what she was going to say, but Alice just had to whisk her off.

All of the guys were watching her with hungry, lust filled eyes. They wanted her just as much as I did. It made me jealous, I didn't want to even look in that direction. I took a large gulp of my whiskey and had the bartender refill it.

Next to me, a busty blonde sat herself in a chair. She was holding an Apple Martini in her perfectly manicured hand. Purposely, she pushed her breasts together and leaned towards me.

" Hey, I'm Jen."

" Hm, nice to meet you." I said, uninterested as I took a sip out of my glass.

" You drink scotch?" she asked in a seductive voice.

" Whiskey." I deadpanned.

She bit her lip and tilted her head. " Wanna dance?"

" No thanks."

" My apartment is five minutes away. I can...help out with any of your needs." she said seductively, moving her hand to rest on me knee.

I leaned towards her with a sinister smile. " I don't have any damn needs that need to be taken care of by you. I'm not interested." I said plainly, pulling her away and making her frown.

She huffed angrily and got off the stool, tripping slightly, and walking towards the next new victim.

With a chuckle I took another drink from my glass.

When I looked out to see anybody, my eyes caught Bella's form, and a guy with dirty blonde hair that was in a ponytail, was talking with her. Although it looked like a one sided conversation. His hands were gripping her wrists, harder then looked to be comfortable, and Bella's eyes were in full panic mode.

Quickly I stood up and strode towards them. I stood on the side between both of them, glaring at him hard. His ice blue eyes were meant to be intimidating, but they were nothing of the sort.

_Well, jackass, I am taller then you, and stronger._

" I think you should ler her go." I stated.

" And I think you should stay out of it. Your interrupting."

Bella struggled against his hold, and he gripped her tighter. A small squeak escaped her mouth from the tight hold.

Now, I was pissed.

" Listen here motherfucker, either unhand her, or I will beat the fucking shit out of you until your screaming for death. Make a fucking choice."

He laughed; right in my face.

" James, let me go." Bella said weakly.

James...

" Well, I guess it's the second option."

My hand formed a fist and I punched him square in his nose. He fell backwards onto the wood floor at the hard blow, and effectively let Bella go. She stumbled as he yelled out a loud swear word. I took Bella's forearm gently, pointing her towards the bar.

" Just get a drink, okay?"

" Ed-"

" Get a fucking drink, OKAY?"

Bella walked away from me, and I stepped back over to the smug asshole and knee'd him in the stomach once he was standing up.

" If you ever dare to fucking touch her again, I will personally find you and kill you. I don't fucking care is you goddamn well know her."

" Dick." he muttered.

Going down.

I lunged straight at him, punching him in the jaw. A sickening crack sounded and he cried out. My fist almost got his eye before I felt Jasper grasp my forearms and quickly get me off. He released me before I could freak out, shoving me towards a table.

I caught myself before falling and stared down at the bloody man, glaring. He was sitting up and glaring hard at me as he held his nose that had blood spilling from it.

He stood up and looked straight at me " Fuck you, and don't even think I am done with her."

With that he walked away.

" Edward, dude. You can't just go beating up random guys."

" He was touching Bella."

" So! Maybe he wanted to dance."

" He was gripping her wrist, man. She knew him."

Bella walked up to me. " What were you thinking?" she yelled.

" That he was fucking hurting you and I didn't like it."

" I can handle myself."

" Well apparently not. He is stronger then you."

" He isn't." she stated with anger.

I sighed " You know. I just beat up that shit trying to help you, a thanks would be nice, but what the fuck ever. You want to talk with him? Be my fucking guest and follow him. I don't give a damn."

She immediatly went from anger to being upset in a second flat.

" I don't want to."

" Then what the fuck are you doing? You know what, do whatever the hell you want. Sorry for caring."

I walked away from her and heard Jasper call out my name. I headed outside and smoked a cigarette, leaning against the brick wall. I lit the cigarette and it hung from my mouth for a second before I took it between my fingers and took a long drag. The smoke filled my lungs, and I blew it out of my mouth in a stream.

" Hey, kid, looking for a good time?"

I looked over towards the voice. It was rough, and scratchy. She looked to be in her thirties, and she wore lace panties and a corset that untied with blue ribbons. Along with fishnet stockings and high heels that were absolutely insane. Her hair was blonde, short and permed, and her eyelashes were thick and obviously fake, framing olive green eyes.

" No thanks." I said with a chuckle, tapping ash off the end of my cigarette.

" You look like you need one."

" I don't need anything from you."

She glared at me and turned around, looking over her shoulder " Your missing out."

" Rather not get STD's." I muttered under my breath.

When I went back into the bar, everyone was dancing around like I never left. I went to the bar and got a new glass of whiskey. This would be my last, because I already felt like I was loosening up a bit at this point.

Bella suddenly appeared at my side, hand empty with a solemn expression.

" I'm sorry for...Thank you for helping me. Despite my words, you were right. I am sorry for being a bitch about it."

" It's fine. Want a drink?"

" Thanks."

She sat down and ordered a beer. I looked at her with my eyebrows raised and she shrugged. I paid the bartender, sliding him a twenty so her other drinks were covered. Bella downed half the beer in only five second and set it down with a satisfied ' ahhh'.

" He's a fuckin' asshole. Why is he even here? He's supposed to be in London." she muttered, although I heard her quite clear as if she were speaking in my ear.

" Ex-boyfriend, right?" I asked.

Bella nodded " More like motherfucker."

She apparently has a more colorful vocabulary when she is tipsy.

~\\~

As the night went on, Alice, Rosalie and Bella drank and drank. Rosalie was already off her ass drunk and was basically mounting Emmett in a corner booth away from our table. Alice was giggling her little heart out, and Jasper was laughing with her because her laughing was just damn hilarious right now. It was very pitchy and almost ear piercing.

Emmett was somewhat drunk, but he wasn't shit-faced drunk. Rosalie and him were occupied and he didn't seem to mind her strong advances one little bit. I just avoided looking over the other booths.

I sat on the barstool, a very drunk and somber looking Bella sitting next to me. We had the touchy feely drunk, the fucking crazy giggling drunk, and the depressed drunk. I was feeling okay to drive, so was Jasper, and I think that these girls really needed some rest. Bella needed a fucking therapist or something.

" Time to go, Pixie."

" DA DA DA DA!"

I rolled my eyes and looked at Bella.

" Let's go, Bella." I said quietly, not wanting to startle her.

" Whyyyyy he have to shoooowww uppp. RRRRuin my night. I mean, I loo' hot. Rii'?" she was slurring very awfully.

I gently grabbed her hand and felt sparks shooting up my arm. My body felt like it was being lit on fire and it was such an unexplainable feeling. She hopped ungracefully off the chair and bumped into me, I caught her and she leaned against me.

" Come on, Bella. Just hang onto me."

She was basically going weak at the knee's, stopping every few seconds. I sighed and gently sweeped her into my arms, carrying her. It was cold out, and she didn't have her sweater on over her shirt. Her little hands clung to me and she shivered. I held her closer, walking towards my car.

I somehow unlocked and opened the door, getting her into the seat. When I got into the drivers spot, I blasted the warm air and drove back to the beach house, following Jasper. It was only five minutes away, and it's almost two in the morning.

When we got to the beach house, I carried Bella upstairs. Everyone else stumbled to their rooms, Jasper going into Alice's to get her to calm down and sleep. I walked into the room Bella was staying in, and was hit with her scent.

The room was a dark purple, with light purple sheets and dark woods. As in the dresser, end tables and so on. There were a few articles of clothing on the floor, and the bed had slightly ruffled sheets.

Suddenly I felt Bella squirm in my arms, and I set her down. She stumbled towards the bathroom quickly, her hand over her mouth. I mumbled a swear word and quickly helped her, opening the door and ushering her to the toilet. She bent over and violently started to vomit.

I held her long hair back for her, reaching towards a drawer for ponytails or something. When I found one, I pulled her hair back for her and wrapped it up in a messy bun that she normally has. I basically learned how to do this shit because I'd done it for Victoria and even Rosalie a few times. When Emmett is drunk, the moment he hits a bed he is out, no puking or anything. I had to stay with Rosalie for awhile to make sure she was okay once, so I just kind of learned to put their hair back.

Bella stomach repeatedly heaved, and I had to admit that I felt kind of bad for her. I knew she was the one that drank it all, but it was going to be a long night, and I guess I would wait it out with her.

~\\~

For about two hours she was half-way asleep and vomitting. I tried my best to keep her up, because I wanted it to be all out of her system. At around four twenty she had been calm, to which figured she was good. I helped her stand up and she brushed her teeth. I flushed the toilet for her and picked up her limp body. She was basically asleep by now.

I pulled the covers back and laid her down on the mattress, gently tucking her in bed. She rolled onto her side with a deep breath, moving her bottom half to get comfortable. I leaned forward slowly and placed a delicate kiss on her temple.

" Goodnight, Bella." I whispered, so quiet even if she was awake, she wouldn't be able to hear it.

When I got back to my room I used the washroom, after spraying some nice airfreshner in the room, and brushed my teeth. Instead of bothering with a shirt, I crawled into my bed, knowing that this morning there was no excuse for anyone to bother me.

I sighed when I felt the cool sheets against my skin. Fuck, it felt nice. Sleep was all I wanted right now.

That, and to be in that room sleeping next to Bella.

~\\~

The morning routine continued on the next morning, and instead of sitting at the table with the family, I went outside to sit in the sand by the beach to enjoy a cigarette. The sun was extremely bright, it almost hurt to open my eyes at all.

" Alice told me that you took care of me last night." I heard a voice say beside me.

Bella sat in the sand next to me, I offered her a cigarette and she took it. I lit it for her, making eye contact the whole time. She had the most sexiest smile on her face right now, and all I wanted to do was just lay her in the sand and kiss her.

Of course my thoughts went straight to the fucking gutter.

" Uh, yeah. No big deal."

" I'm sorry I got so wasted. It's entirely embarassing."

" You had a good time, that's all that matters."

" How did I even get here?"

" I carried you out of the bar...When we got here you basically ran for the bathroom, I wasn't going to just leave you there."

" How long...?"

I tugged my hair, " About two hours you were on and off. At around four to four thirty I set you in bed since you'd stopped for awhile. You fell asleep rather quick, just rolled over and shut your eyes."

I was almost upset that she didn't feel the kiss I gave her.

She nodded " Thank you, so much. I seem to owe you alot recently..."

I took a long drag from my cigarette. " It's not a big deal."

Bella out out a low sigh and I glanced over at her.

" Out of curiousity...Why'd you date such an asshole?"

Surprised, she looked over at me. I was genuinely curious as to why such a nice girl like Bella, would date someone like that. Of course, maybe it was because she is nice, and he just pushed her around. A thought like that completely pissed me off to my core, I didn't even want to think about it. But she also didn't seem like someone who would be pushed around and take it.

" He wasn't always like that." she murmured quietly.

" I'm sorry for asking." I quickly said, " I was just curious, considering your such a nice person and he obviously...Isn't."

" No, it's fine. He's alot different from before. He's probably just like that when it comes to me."

I was dying to ask why in the fuck would he have a reason to treat her like that. He probably didn't, but there must be a back story to their past, something that obviously make her slightly scared of him like she did last night, and him so angry. My mind couldn't connect to anything.

Maybe she got him in trouble somehow?

I didn't know, and my desire to ask was there, but I wouldn't ask. It was none of my business and it was her choice to spill the beans if she wanted to say something about it.

" You know, there is this really long paved bike path that goes down two miles along the pacific. I think it would be really fun to bike down part of it and see the other beaches. I was talking with Alice about it, but we all know how athletic she is."

I smiled " Yeah. They aren't really into that shit. I remember going biking and running everyday since I was like fucking six. I was in track in highschool, competed alot. Probably one of the only damn things I ever felt I fit in with."

She nodded " Yeah, I've seen the trophies in your bedroom...Thats kind of why I brought it up. Would you...maybe like to do that with me sometime? I understand if you don't want to, I just thought maybe we could spend time together? That sounds weird..."

The way she paused at all of her awkward sentences made me smile, it was just so fucking cute.

I couldn't actually believe that she asked me to go biking with her.

_Life is all about chances, remember? And you've got nothing to lose._

" That would be alot of fun. So, sure, why not."

**Authors Note- Okay, so things are picking up a bit, more activity. Next chapter I am sure I've got lots planned up for it.**

**Last Weeks Question ( My Answer)- Are you a good cook? If so, what are you best at cooking?**

**Well, I can basically cook any breakfast foods: Bacon, Eggs ( Prepared mostly any way), Pancakes, Waffles, Hashbrowns, Sausage. I mastered those pretty fantastically. I can make alot of simple dishes; Pasta, Chicken, Steak, Potatoes, Panini. Basically simple good food.**

**This Weeks Question- Have any of you had a sweet someone that stayed with you while you were sick? ( That can include being drunk off your ass and vomitting like Bella)**

**Click the button right below this arrow and leave your thoughts.**

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	11. The Strand

**Authors Note-**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

June 12th

Thursday

~\\~

EPOV

As the week progressed, I started hearing more and more each day about my Birthday that was now coming up. Alice was still in bliss over her Birthday, and I was sure those heels were not coming off of her damn feet anytime soon. She probably slept in them.

Alice and everyone else hounded me on what I wanted, but I didn't fucking want anything really. I wanted to be left alone. It would be just another day of the month, no special treatment needed to be given to me. I hated when the attention was focused on me anyways, I don't eat that shit up like Alice does.

Bella and I talked a bit more each day. Sometimes she would sit with me on the beach and we would smoke cigarette's together and talk about whatever came to mind. Although we never really talked about ourselves. This weekend I was hoping to learn more about her, because I was just dying to get inside of her beautiful head at this point. She was a fucking mystery that I was dying to solve.

The days drowned on, and the weekend approached, I thought about the bike ride, and asking Bella to go this weekend. It didn't exactly matter when, the weather was always nice around here and it had yet to rain. I really just wanted to spend a day with her, and many more.

Esme and Carlisle had 'secretly' gone out shopping this last Tuesday. I didn't even want to know what expensive gift they decided to spend on me this year.

They invested all this money for all these gifts I never needed. Alice and Emmett may like to have the newest cell phone, laptop, game console or music player, but they didn't know that I was just a simple person at heart. Of course I always appreciated their gifts, I would never not accept them because I knew how awful they would feel.

They never tried to buy me, but I knew they wanted me to feel like I had everything that I would ever need. Of course that never stopped them from buying unneceasary gifts. I grasped that concept quickly. I remember when I first got at that fucking mansion, and they led me to my bedroom.

I had a laptop, iPod, iDoc and a million game consoles waiting for me that day. I had no idea what the hell I could do with them. The first night there I had locked myself into the bathroom and had a panic attack. They lived a life I had never lived, it was very overwhelmingly unfamilar.

I had actually been accustomed to my old life, that the transition to a new one was hard on me. Sometimes, I actually almost missed the life I used to have sometimes. Although I knew in my heart that this was the life that I needed in order to get to where I needed to be.

I was glad not to have such a closed off life. Carlisle and Esme showed me freedom. I knew that if I still lived in that house until I was eighteen, that he would have kicked me out. I'd probably would have taken my mother with me. She never deserved that life.

~\\~

June 14th

Saturday

~\\~

" This seems to be a rare occurance lately, meeting out here every afternoon to smoke."

I looked over at Bella, who seated herself in the sand with a cigarette between her perfectly plump red lips. She was already dressed in a pair of dark denim shorts that showed off her beautiful legs, a black fitted v-neck and low top converse shoes. Her style in clothing varied alot from when I first met her.

The skin of her arms were almost completely exposed, and her skin looked creamy and beautiful.

She smiled at me and looked out over the ocean.

" Today is really nice, and I saw you out here, so I figured why not join you. Am I a bother?"

" No, your fine."

" Would you like to go biking today? I mean, it's warm enough, not much of a breeze. And Alice wants to go out to the mall today. I kind of figured that this would get me off the hook, too."

I chuckled.

" Okay, I get it. I'm just your damn excuse to be gone."

Her face fell " Edward, your totally not, I was just kidding." she immediatly responded.

" I was kidding." I stated.

She blushed all kinds of bright red, looking down at the sand. A handful of sand sprinkled from her fingers, and it wisped into the air before landing on the ground.

" Okay...Do you think we could grab some food on our way out before getting on the path?

" That's fine."

We finished off our cigarettes and I grabbed my keys and phone, my keys were just so nobody would take my car, and if the front door was locked up when we got back here later. I grabbed my black pullover hoodie and headed downstairs.

When I got in the garage, I firstly had to get the bikes that were hung on hooks that were screwed to the ceiling. About five minutes later Bella appeared in the garage with a smile on her face. She opened the garage door and it flooded with extra light. The tires needed to be pumped up with air, and I asked Bella to grab the machine off the shelf.

Once I got the bikes down, I put in the needle and filled it with air. Bella laughed at the loud noise, covering her ears. Each tire was filled with air, and I sat on each of them just to make sure that they wouldn't go flat and had no holes. They luckily were perfectly fine.

" So, blue or purple?" I asked.

" Blue." she stated, hopping right on without another word.

" Your making me ride a purple bike?"

" DARK purple bike. And you gave me a choice"

I rolled my eyes.

Bella started down towards the driveway and I followed behind her. After biking into the street, I worked my legs to go faster then her. She was shouting behind me to slow the fuck down, which made me go a little bit faster.

Once I slowed, she caught up with me and glared hard. I could see the amusement playing in her eyes though. She wasn't angry.

" Do they know we are gone?"

" I told Alice we were leaving. I left before I heard the comments."

I smiled " I'll hear about it later. You seem to spill the beans easily anyways."

" What does that mean?"

" Alice asked you the other night what was going on, and I heard that you blurted out ' Edward said I was cute'."

" Oh my god." She groaned.

I chuckled and hopped onto the sidewalk towards the pizza place; Pizza Mia, we were heading to for a quick meal and I figured that was our best bet for quick. Bella followed beside me, since the sidewalks here were really long width wise, enough for atleast three bikers.

When I glanced over at Bella, she looked very obviously embarassed about my mentioning what Alice told me, it was cute, and she really was cute, but I'd actually never flat out said that, not that I didn't constantly think it.

" I said your blush was cute, but, you know, take it otherwise, too."

She glanced over, " I'm going to just kill Alice."

" Naw, she's just an excited little thing. She thrives off other people for excitement and happiness."

" I know, right? How can someone be like that basically all the time."

" I don't know, but I wish I could be like that sometimes. Carefree, happy...Genuinely happy."

Bella pushed on her breaks and stopped infront of the pizzeria. I held open the heavy door for her and she stepped in, walking quickly over to the counter. I rolled my eyes and listened as she ordered her meal.

" Can I get a six piece mozzarella garlic bread?"

I slid in behind her. " Make that two."

" Your total is $11.17." the cashier said.

I slid my debit and punched in my pin number before Bella could make any further actions. Suddenly I felt Bella gripping my arm tightly, her nails digging into my skin. I winced but kept on putting the information needed into the machine.

" Your order will be ready in fifteen minutes."

She handed me a receipt and Bella was literally pulling me out of the door. Once we were outside, I shook out of her grasp and looked at my wrist, which had four nail indents from her fingernails. Girl has long fucking painful nails!

" Ow, christ. Hurts like a bitch!"

" I can pay for my own meals you know!"

" Chivarly is not dead." I muttered, sitting on a bench.

" I'm paying you five dollars and fifty eight cents."

I rolled my eyes " Drama queen."

" No! I don't nee-"

I just tuned her out from there, not paying attention to what she was going to ramble on about. It's not like I would let her give me money, I'd just give it back to her. It was the polite thing to do. She was just acting all goddamn unappreciative. Couldn't she just accept it and shut the fuck up?

" Are you listening?"

" Your acting very unappreciative right now. I don't fucking like it, so I am not listening."

" What are you? Five?"

" No, but I...I fucking helped you cook, beat up your shitty ex-boyfriend, paid for your mother fucking drinks when you got trashed, and then held your hair back while you spend two hours barfing into the damn toilet! At this point, why not buy your lunch? So how about you SHUT THE FUCK UP, say thank you and accept it."

She looked crest allen as realization spread across her face. I saw her look away, and I had a feeling she was just going to leave.

" Now sit you sweet ass down on this bench and have a cigarette with me."

" Ed-"

I grabbed her wrist and tugged her down. " Just sit. Here."

I handed her a cigarette and she sighed, putting it in her mouth. I lit it for her and I heard her long sigh beside me. I pocketed my lighter and looked over at her. She just sat there staring blankly at the ground below her.

" Look, I didn't mean to piss you off. But when I do something, just thank me. I don't need a fight."

" I don't like it when people buy me things."

" Why?"

" Because I feel like I owe them afterwards. Especially you, and what you've done."

" Well, you can pay me back by having a good day."

" You can be so frusterating, but yet so nice at times."

" Nice?" I challenged with a smirk.

" Yeah. When your not all ' Fuck life, I don't fucking care about any-fucking-thing. Leave me the fuck alone', your a pretty cool guy."

I laughed " What's with all the ' fuck'."

" You use that word even when it doesn't fit in a sentence. It's like _your _word."

" Well, fuck...Maybe I should find a-"

She was giggling at me.

Giggling.

" Fine."

" Oh, don't be a baby. Come on, where is the hard ass I was talking to a moment ago?"

I rolled my eyes. " Right here, obviously."

" Your so much more talkative when your not around your family."

" Maybe I just might like talking to you."

She cocked her head to the side, " Why is that?"

" I don't know, you tell me."

I tapped the ash off the end of my cigarette, taking one last, long drag before scraping it on the ground and tossing it. A few minutes later we headed back in and took our order, sitting at the one lone round table that was tiny, and in a corner with two chairs iron chairs.

We ate our food quietly in the pizzeria, just as she was closing her food container, I looked over at her in curiousity. She still had two pieces left, but she normally didn't eat much anyways.

" Done?"

" Yeah. Would you like the rest, I am full."

I grabbed the rest of her food and basically inhaled it like I did my other food. I'd been more hungry then I had originally thought I was. Once I finished, we tossed out our food. Bella got a coke, one that I didn't pay for, and I got a small water bottle. Both of the bikes had holders on one of the bars below.

After a long gulp from my bottle I got onto the bike. Bella strolled on the sidewalk, and I followed next to her. She wasn't going too slow, but not too fast. Just a steady, even pace.

When we hopped on the trail, which was apparently twenty two miles long and called ' The Strand' we were basically biking just afar of the ocean. There were tree's, and it looked to be a pretty cool area.

" So, when did you get adopted by the Cullen's?"

" When I was fifteen, in May. I was almost sixteen."

She nodded.

" I know your dying to ask more."

For a second she paused, pedaling twice before glancing over towards me with wary eyes.

" I am going to take a chance here. Why do you refuse to take your shirt off?"

I knew that there was a huge chance she would ask me that question. I didn't want to blow her off, but I didn't want to tell her the truth. On the other hand, I could never lie to her. I sighed and looked at the ground infront of me, at the straight moving wheel.

Bella didn't deserve to be lied to, but as it worth telling her at all?

" I have alot of...scars... on my back. I don't feel comfortable exposing them."

" From what?

The pained expression on my face made her take a step back.

" I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry...But I just feel, it's alot of who you are. I want to get to know you."

" Why? You say it constantly. I want a true answer." I said forcefully.

Now she just looked positively troubled, and unsure. She probably felt the same way I did, like she felt something but she didn't want to outright express it because it wouldn't end up the way that she wanted, atleast, I hoped she was thinking that.

" Because, I guess I kind of like you." was all she said, pedaling three times quickly and speeding infront of me.

I didn't know if she meant that she liked me as more then just a friend.

Or just liked me as a person.

I caught up and rode beside her, keeping up with her faster pace. She really looked like she was just trying to forget what she said and take it back. I didn't want her to, I wanted to know what she meant by it.

" Elaborate." I said.

" I'll admit that I like you more then just a friend. You probably already know that now. Because of Alice, and me..."

She was blushing, and she looked mortified.

" Don't be upset."

" Well, it's just embarassing."

" It's not embarassing to be...attracted to someone."

" We are moving on. Please forget I said anything."

" What if I don't want to?"

" Did you used to cut yourself?"

If anybody else would have asked me, I probably would of told them to ' fuck off ' and then beat them into submission. They would be begging for me to stop, to just let them lay there and die. Or they would beg me to just finish them off because they were in so much misery.

She was only doing this to avoid conversation about what she said.

" I don't feel comfortable answering that question." I stated calmly.

" I'm such an ass. Look, your life isn't my business. I should just stop trying to figure yo-"

_The reason for July. Skinny dipping and checkin' out tan lines._

_Making out underneath the moon._

_Oh yeah yeah, boys look so much hotter in the summer._

_Yeah yeah, take your shirt off in the water._

_Pull me un-_

" What, Alice!"

I looked over at her, a smirk at her ringtone. Jesse James, I didn't know that was her thing, but I guess I could see it. She was blushing hard, obviously embarassed that I heard that from her phone.

" I don't know...Okay...Bye."

I glanced over at a frusterated Bella. She one-handedly put her cellphone back in her little bag, putting both hands firmly on the handle bars afterwards.

" What did Alice want?"

" The truth?...She was in Victoria's Secret and asked me how I felt about animal print bra's."

" Oh, that's hot."

" Edward Cullen likes animal printed bra's. Huh..."

" Masen." I corrected lightly.

" What?" She asked.

" Edward Masen. I don't have the Cullen name. It was legally changed when I was eighteen."

She nodded " Middle name?"

" Anthony...Awful right?"

" Reminds me of hotdogs."

I chuckled " Oh yeah? Whats you middle name, probably fucking better then mine."

" Marie. Isabella Marie is my full name. I don't like being called by my first name very much, I like it, but it's too proffesional."

I nodded " You know, I don't even know your last name."

" Swan." she said simply.

The name struck so many cords inside of me. Yes, the last name was very common. She couldn't be the daughter of the Police Chief that had been there the night my father was killed, or in the hospital to talk to me.

Bella looked over at me as I got stuck in my thoughts as I normally did. I could only imagine having to see that man, after he saw me all bloody and broken laying on that bed. I sighed and shook my head.

" So...What happened to your mother?" I asked her. " You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. Just tell me to fuck off."

She smiled " No, it's fine...She died in a car accident. She was picking me up from a sleepover at my friends house, and there was a guy on his cell phone and he wasn't paying attention to the road. We had a green light, he had a red light. Neither of us had no idea he wasn't going to stop. He uh...hit the driver door. Ran us into a ditch. She'd lost alot of blood, too much blood. I was just cut up and bruised, and a dislocated shoulder... He made it out unscathed, but he had been in jail for five years for reckless driving that took a life."

" I'm so sorry, Bella."

" No, Edward. It's fine. It was a really long time ago."

" How can you be so positive? I mean, didn't you ever go through a time where it was just terrible."

" Of course. I mean, it happened over ten years ago. It was before I actually like...hit puberty. Especially for a girl."

I nodded " That would suck pretty bad, kind of embarassing also in certain situations."

" It was terrible." she deadpanned.

" Poor Bella got her period and had to ask her dad for a box of tampons."

" Oh my god! Shut up, Edward. That's so not nice."

I smiled " Your cute."

" I think this is the most interesting easy conversation we have ever had. It's nice not to be so serious all the time."

" I might have to agree on that."

She pedaled more forcefully and we kept up a fast, steady pace. Not many people were on this trail, and Bella and I went on forever in silence, focused on what we were doing. It had to be atleast a half hour of silence. My legs weren't tired, I was used to working my legs will all the track I did in highschool.

I still routinely went to the gym and worked out a bit to keep in shape. Even though I have fucking scars on my body, I like to keep up the six pack and toned muscles to be proud of some damn thing on my body. Atleast my legs were almost completely unscathed. My arms were very messed up, from the cutting, and then the marks that my father created. Not only knife marks but burn marks also, those hurt like a mother fucker.

When I looked over at Bella, I noticed a scar on her neck, it was small, but visable. She also had about an inch long scar on the top of her wrist, it was jagged and uneven. Her skin looked incredibly soft, I wanted to touch her so bad. I longed to just fucking reach out and hold her against me.

She was the kind of person you wanted to curl up with and take a nice, long, leisurely nap. I wondered if she liked to cuddle when she slept, or if she hated sleeping because the whole ' breathing in my fucking air' thing. I knew Alice and Jasper had that issue. They had to sleep with their backs facing eachother.

I sighed and mentally slapped myself.

_Am I seriously wondering if Bella liked to cuddle?_

" Twenty questions." Bella said suddenly " Favorite food?"

" Italian anything. Color?"

" Changes, today is green. Worst job you've ever had?"

" Ugh. Newton Outfitters. The guys son, Mike, total dick. How many relationships have you had?"

" One highschool. One actually serious. Girlfriends?"

" Same. One highschool. One serious. Cake, chocolate or yellow?"

" Neither. Red velvet. Icecream flavor?"

" Strawberry." I said without even thinking. " Favorite stone?"

" Emerald." then she blushed, and I wondered why. " Band?"

I groaned " Ugh...I can't pick one. Out of three. Chiodos, Muse and Rise Against. Favorite movie genre?"

" Comedy...Romance. Not a big drama fan. What about you?"

" Horror movies hands down. As a kid, favorite clutch?"

" My baby blanket, still sleep with it."

I laughed " Seriously? Wait, was it that little raggy thing in a heap on the bed the night you were drunk?"

" Yes, it's not raggy. Strings just hang from it, and it's still put together, just faded. Disney Movie Character?"

" Scar, Lion King. School subject?"

" Typical." she muttered " English. Did you have siblings in your first family?"

" Nope. You have any siblings?"

" Me either. Favorite alcohol drink?"

" Whiskey. Books?"

" Harry Potter, Sookie Stackhouse, Dracula. Classic Literature. Television show?"

" That 70's Show. You?"

" Same...I think we passed twenty."

" Are you hungry? I could go for a burger or something. There are shops all around here."

She shrugged " A little bit. We've been riding for almost two hours now. About five miles."

I cut through a different sidewalk and onto a more populated area. I parked the purple bike on the curb, taking the long lock and connecting it to hers, and then to a bike rail. Right now, I had to take a fucking wicked piss.

" Why are you hopping around everywhere?" she asked as I walked towards the door.

" I've kinda gotta take a piss. I'll be right back."

The toilets in this place were barely even good enough to call sanitary, but fuck, I wasn't a girl and had to sit as I pissed. After quickly using the washroom. I washed my hands with the foam soap, to which I got every-fucking-where, and headed out.

Bella was standing in line, and I went next to her with a sigh. She glanced up at me and laughed quietly.

" What?"

She looked away, smiling big.

" What the fuck? Do I have something on my face?"

I ran my hands over my face and she shook her head.

" You have foam, in your hair."

Quickly I scanned my hands through my hair, feeling the soap. I muttered a swear word at my idiocity and Bella shook her head.

" Your totally making it worse. Bend down."

Awkwardly, I bent at my knee's and I felt her fingers in my hair. I'd never let women touch my hair, I just didn't like it, but the moment that her tiny fingers ran through my hair, I wanted to moan outloud, or purr like a fucking cat.

It felt so...nice.

_What the hell am I thinking? A girls fingers in my hair feels good? Really, am I this far gone?_

She put her hands down. " Your good."

I cleared my throat and stood up straight. When I glanced forward, an elderly lady had clearly been checking out my ass. Finally the ogling elderly lady finished her big order and I stepped infront, the cashier was a teenage boy. With a smug ass grin on his face as he looked at Bella. She shifted uncomfotably under his stare.

" Can I get a hamburger, plain, and a small unsweetened tea...Bella?"

" Uhm, just a hotdog, mustard only."

I paid for the meal and stood for a few minutes until he handed it to me, greedily looking over Bella's body as she walked outside. Fucker was staring at her ass. I walked outside and sat next to her on the curb, rolling my eyes at the kid.

" Talk about eye fucking." I said, taking a long gulp from my tea.

She looked at me, " I feel gross. He was like sixteen."

I chuckled, " Well, half the girls around here are orange skinned and bleach blondes. He probably got excited that he saw someone not fake."

" I feel dirty. It's like I was naked in there or something. Ugh." she shivered.

" If it makes you feel better, the old lady infront of me was staring at my ass."

" I'd rather have an old lady staring at my ass than a kid staring at my boobs."

I shrugged and took a large bite from my burger. Bella and I finished off our food, we ate it quietly and paid attention to it. I still had half a cup of tea left, and Bella's water bottle was empty, so I offered her my tea to finish. She took it graciously and finished it off for me.

Before leaving, I used the washroom once more and then we headed back on the trail. Bella was being oddly quiet, and I wouldn't dare break the silence and bother her.

I wondered what she was thinking.

The more time that I spent with her, the more I liked her. Each and everytime we spent time together, I found out something new about her that I liked, which frusterated me to absolutely no end. There wasn't a thing that I didn't like about her, but maybe that's only because I haven't heard more personal things.

I knew that I could never trust anybody to a point where my back was exposed, because they only stab you in the back eventually. There wasn't anybody that I felt I could completely trust, whether it be with things I say, what I do, or how I've lived, or do live.

Of course I have longed to be with a girl that wasn't only interested in sex, or my scars. I wanted someone who was genuinely interested in who I was. I had no idea how that was possible with how private and closed off I was, maybe that's was lured some girls in. The whole broodling imagine or some shit.

These days, it's hard to find a relationship where one person doesn't just want to get into your pants. I wasn't one of those people. I wanted a person who liked hearing what I have to say, and actually think about it instead of dismissing it to think more about themselves.

I wanted to be loved, in a way that was real. For the first time in my fucking life, I wanted something to be real.

I wanted someone to look past my scars, past all of the fucking swear words and harsh phyiscal features and see someone. Nobody knew my father, but I never wanted to be suspected to be someone like him. If I ever had kids, I wouldn't ever lay a hand on them the way he did me.

And first of all, I wanted someone who had quality, someone who was happy and positive to show me that life really isn't that bad. I didn't need a fucking therapist in a relationship, I just wanted someone to put a spark in life, color other then black and white.

As I looked to my right, I saw the ocean. The sun was starting to set, we'd left later afternoon at around three. And as we travelled quietly and time going quickly an upcoming sign read;

The Strand

End is 7 miles ahead.

Bella and I had approximently done fourteen miles already. Which took four hours at this pace, and it was almost seven right now. We'd probably should have started to head back and hour ago.

I stopped my bike and Bella followed suit.

" We should probably start heading back now."

" Good idea. We should be lucky to get back before eleven."

We curved our bikes around, and suddenly Bella's front wheel hit my back wheel. I jerked forward quickly, and hit the pole that fused the handle bars together, right on my junk, and I went spiralling towards the ground.

I fell sideways on my side hit the grass and I heard Bella scream in surprise as she landed on her stomach on my hip. She huffed and fell onto her back after hitting me.

" Shit." I mumbled, curled up in fetal position, my hand protecting what should have been protected seconds ago.

" Oh my god, are you okay?"

" I think I broke my junk. Fucking mother of jesus." my voice was raspy and strained.

I felt Bella's hand on my bicep. " I am such a klutz, oh my god I am sorry."

As the pain eased away I laid on my back. " If I can't have kids, your so much fucking trouble."

" Are you alright...down there?"

" I don't know, want me to check?" I asked sarcastically.

She sat back and covered her face with her hands. I sat up and grabbed her wrists reassuringly.

" Hey, I'm fine. I don't think nobody has ever hurt me that bad with a bike, but it's all fucking good."

I felt her shiver from the chill breeze, and she put her hands down.

" I'm sorry."

" Stop apologizing. I'm okay."

Bella nodded and I stood up, taking her with me. Her hands rubbed up and down her arms, trying to create warmth. I grabbed the pullover I had around my waist and handed it to her, I didn't want her to get sick.

" Oh, I-"

" Just take it."

She put her arms through the sleeves and then pulled it over her head.

It was more long then it was wide. She could go out wearing it as a dress and pull it off without looking like a slut. I internally smiled at seeing her in my sweatshirt. She looked so fucking adorable.

" Warm?"

" Yeah, thanks."

We hopped back onto the bikes and started back towards the house. I got a call from Jasper, to which I told him we would be home late. Bella and I rode faster, keeping our legs moving the whole entire time.

Bella and I talked a little bit, she told me a little about her mom, and we both talked about college. She seemed really interesting in medical school and what the process of learning for it was. I enjoyed hearing her talk about London, which I had always wanted to go there. My grandparents lived there, but I never went there to see them. They moved to the States when I was six, and I'd never been out of Washington anyways.

The way back seemed to go alot quicker then getting there, but we were going quicker then last. When we got past the closed pizza place, it was ten fifteen. Bella and I sped up the driveway, the house was dark and quiet. We put the bikes in the garage and we walked back outside, since they locked the door into the house, and the key I had was not the right one. We closed the door and I opened the front door, letting Bella in first.

Both of us quietly padded upstairs, not wanting to startle anyone out of sleep by our walking. We both stopped before going into our bedrooms. Bella stepped closer to me.

" I had a really fun time with you today." Bella said, her eyes sparkling.

" I did, too."

Before I could just go into my bedroom, she stood on her tip toes and pressed her soft lips to my cheek, wrapping her arms around me for just a moment. She was so warm and tiny as I wrapped my arms around her. I released her soon afterwards, not to drag it on longer then making it awkward, and opened my bedroom door.

She smiled at me and shut her door.

I knew that today had officially been pegged as the best day ever in my book.

**Authors Note- They are slowly starting to learn more about eachother. I don't think any of the relationships in my other stories have ever built THIS slow. It's new, and good. I hope your all enjoying it.**

**Last Weeks Question ( My answer) - Have any of you had a sweet someone that stayed with you while you were sick? ( That can include being drunk off your ass and vomitting like Bella)**

**Well, no, for the drunk part, and no, for anybody taking care of me. Sounds depressing right? Nah, I am a very responsible person and very independent. I like to do everything on my own, even when I am sick I am still up and running!**

**This Weeks Question- What is really and officially, one of the best days of your life? What happened?**

**Well, feel free to answer the question and please review to let me know what you think about the story.**

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	12. Girlfriends of The Past

**Authors Note- Earlier update, I figured since I am here now, that I might as well post and have it done with.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

June 20th

Friday

~\\~

Esme and Carlisle were deciding to leave tomorrow, the day after my Birthday. Carlisle had to get back to work, as did Esme and their vacation time was over. They wanted to atleast be here for my Birthday, and then they were leaving early tomorrow morning to get home.

In the morning, I was happy to not be woken up by loud, obnoxious music, or giggling from the girls. I could hear Bella bumping around in the bathroom, but it didn't bother me enough to get up and ask her to be quiet. I rolled onto my back, rubbing my hands over my face.

With a sigh I lifted myself out of bed and changed my clothes. I wanted to go for a quick run before taking a shower or doing anything. Once Bella was done, I just brushed my teeth and used the toilet.

When I got downstairs, I rolled my eyes at the gifts that were on the table. Alice jumped on me unexpectedly, yelling ' Happy Birthday' in my ear. I made sure to catch her before she hit me and crashed to the floor like a brick, and she squeezed the life out of me before hopping out of my arms.

" Twenty four! How does it feel?"

" The same as it did when I was fucking twenty three. I'm going for a walk, I'll be back soon."

I stepped out of the back door, nodding at all of the Happy Birthday greetings that everyone gave. When I closed the door and turned around, I saw Bella smoking a cigarette. When she heard me, she turned around, giving a small smile.

" Happy Birthday."

" Thanks."

" Doing anything special today?" she asked me curiously.

" Not anything that I fucking know of. Unless they decide to drag me out. I kinda just want to have a quiet day for once, it's so damn loud and hectic around here."

She nodded, " Yeah."

" Well, I'm going for a run. I guess I will see you later."

Bella nodded once more and I walked off the deck. I ran along the beach, the water just barely missing my feet. I enjoyed feeling the breeze and the adrenaline rushing through my veins. I tuned out all the sounds around me beside the calming sound of the ocean.

I felt calm, content.

Running always helped me clear my mind, and it let me focus on the path infront of me. I needed to slow my thoughts down after they have been going haywire since Bella kissed my cheek, and hugged me almost a week ago.

She had slept with my sweatshirt that night, I knew that she had because it was literally drenched in her scent, more then just wearing it would do. I wouldn't fucking admit that I slept with it the night after she gave it back. She smelt so damn good, I wished that I had the real fucking thing with me. Or if I could just bottle up her scent and keep it forever.

I let out a large breath and turned myself around after awhile, my legs were burning just a bit, a familar feeling. I would have to head to a gym soon, lift some weights and make sure I wasn't getting soft.

When I got back to the back of the house, I took a deep breath and stepped onto the deck. Taking a seat on the ground and taking in deep breaths. After five minutes I headed into the house and went straight to the shower, getting all of the sweat off my skin. I slathered my body in soap, scrubbing shampoo into my hair.

I dressed in a pair of low rise jeans, a belt, black t-shirt and my black boots. I laced them up and then headed downstairs after messing around with my stubborn hair. I hadn't bothered to shave, not really caring about the stubble.

I got downstairs and all of them looked to be waiting for me. Esme encouraged me to sit down and I did, begrudgingly. Alice put her gift right infront of me, and I wondered what she could have possibly gotten me. She's always been creative, and maybe just a little more thoughtful then the others. I knew that she would get me things that reminded her of me, or little crafty handmade gifts. It was Alice's style.

" So, I saw this, and thought of you. I don't know how you feel about the whole artsy thing, but it was really cool. It's ya know, a little dark, but has a splash of happy to it."

" Alice, I really like it, thank you."

It was a dark painting, with abstract designs of silver, gold, white, blue and yellow. It was really neat, I liked it. Alice was always a sentimental person, I loved her for it. I would definately hang it in my room, despite the fact it doesn't really match the colors.

Emmett, well, he decided to be a total idiot about his gift. I couldn't say he was a sentimental person when it came to Birthday's.

The second I opened the card, a peice of thick paper fell out from the inside, and it said that my subscription to playboy was already in transaction. Everyone was really quiet, I was rolling my eyes at his stupidity, sometimes, Emmett really just needed to _not _go there. He can be a smart guy, but he's not fucking funny.

It's as amusing as getting me Viagra. It's just not fucking cool.

" Look, man, how about I fucking transfer it to you. I don't need a fucking playboy subscription."

" Well, I know you have trouble with the ladies, so I figured I would get you something to help wi-"

" STOP! Okay, Emmett, just stop." Alice shouted.

I couldn't fucking believe he'd think...I'm a fucking guy, but I don't need playboy to help with...that.

Rosalie had given me her gift, which was a few books, and t-shirts of bands she knew that I liked. I appreciated her for giving me such simple gifts, I didn't need anything special, I was glad she understood that. I gave her a hug and sat back down.

Esme and Carlisle's gift had been a Rolex watch, pure gold, even the little hands on the clock were gold, with little tiny diamonds. I knew that these were fucking expensive, and it made my leather watch look like total shit. I was grateful for their gift, giving Esme a hug and nodding at Carlisle.

I took my things up to my bedroom afterwards, setting everything on the top of the dresser. I would hang the painting in my room when I got back home.

The rest of the day I spent in my room, reading one of the new books that Rosalie had gotten me. Esme was baking me a Cherry Pie downstairs, which was basically a Birthday tradition for me ever since I was a little kid, and there was a huge pan of Lasagna in the oven that was calling my fucking name like a siren.

I heard a very quiet knock on my door at around six thirty, and I stood up to answer it. Bella was standing there, looking absolutely gorgeous as she always does. Her hair was up in a messy bun, with a few strands hanging down around her face to frame it. She had on a pair of shorts and a Rise Against t-shirt.

_Have I mentioned how much I fucking liked this girl?_

" Dinner is ready, Esme wanted me to tell you." she said simply.

" Okay. Thanks."

We headed downstairs and the smell of garlic, tomato and ricotta cheese made my mouth water. It perfumed basically the entire house, taunting. I went to the table and took my seat, glad that everyone else was already taking their seat, I probably wouldn't have fucking waited anyway.

I thanked Esme for making dinner, and cut a huge square to put on my plate. The steam wafted towards me and I almost moaned outloud it smelt so amazing. Esme has always been a good cook. Even though I didn't eat the first day I spent at their house, I remember the very potent smell of Mushroom Ravioli with Parmesan cheese. Even the salad smelt good.

" Of course, sweetie."

I took a large bite from the delicious Lasagna. It was just as good as it used to be when I had it last year and the one before that. Esme never failed.

" Hey, Edward. The waves are pretty good out there. You haven't gone swimming yet."

" I haven't surfed in...three years."

Alice shrugged, " I know, but you should go out. It's warm today."

" We do have surfboards in the garage, sweetie. If you ever want to, then you can."

I nodded and finished my dinner. Everyone insisted that I not clean up one dish, and when they finished, the room suddenly was dark and a Cherry Pie with twenty three candles appeared in Esme's hands. Esme set it down infront of me, and they all began to sing the traditional Birthday song.

" Make a good wish, Edward." Alice whispered next to my ear once they finished.

I blew out my candles with one long breath.

If you couldn't guess what my wish is at this point, then obviously I am being too cryptic.

Everyone clapped and Carlisle put the lights back on. I cut a piece for everyone after taking the candles out of the pie, and they seated themselves back in their chairs. We all ate our food, sharing a quiet conversation. It was seven fifty, we'd spent a good amount of time grazing over dinner.

Once we finished with the pie, a quarter past nine,, everyone headed off to do their own thing after telling me goodnight and giving me a hug. I went outside, venturing towards the ocean in my board shorts and a wifebeater. The waves had calmed and I stepped into the cool water, going further and further until I was waist deep. I laid on my back, floating above the water as I stared at the moon.

For a moment I just let myself relax into the cool water.

The moon was full, and stars were scattered everywhere, it was a beautiful night.

So long ago my life was different, I thought.

I wondered if my mom remembered that today was my Birthday.

Was she thinking of me?

Did she miss me?

Did she just forget about me?

Was she regretting letting me go?

I felt the sting of tears forming, but I took a deep breath, fighting them back. I couldn't fucking breakdown, I was stronger than that. For awhile I floated on my back, staring at the star-filled sky. I wondered if Bella was looking at the sky.

I flipped around on my stomach and swam further out into the ocean, dipping under the water and feeling it cool against my skin.

The water calmed me, and it cleared my thoughts. I hated when I got so lost in my thoughts. When I was a kid, I used to get teased because the teacher would have to snap her fingers infront of my face; all of the kids would laugh at me and call me a 'freak of nature'.

It's probably why I had absolutely no friends.

I came up for air quickly before dipping back down. It was dark, but I knew there was nothing that could hurt me. It's not like there were sting rays and shit around this area. The water was salty when I licked my lips, it almost made me cringe.

With a sigh, I decided that it was probably time to cut this swim short and head back. I swam towards the shore, when suddenly I felt a sharp cut on my leg, it felt like coral, but I felt the sting immediatly. Salt water and a cut equals burning.

As quickly as I could, biting my fucking lip off from pain, I got to the shore.

I was bleeding, alot, and I knew that by just looking at it, I would need stitches in my leg. Carlisle probably didn't bring any of his equiptment, and I would probably need to get to the hospital to have them take care of it.

I limped towards the deck and grabbed the towel, wrapping it around my leg securely to stop the blood. When I got into the house, I walked towards the stairs to get to the bathroom and possibly wake up Carlisle. I must have been being very loud, because bedroom doors open and the hall light was on, almost everyone flooding into the hallway.

Alice looked positively tired and disheveled, Jasper looked half asleep, Rosalie looked startled as did Esme. And Carlisle was focused on my bleeding leg. I took a long breath.

" Oh, god, what happened?" Carlisle exclaimed.

" I think I cut my leg on coral or something. It needs stitches."

Carlisle knelt next to my leg, moving the towel, " We need to get you to the hospital. I don't have any of my things here, and I don't want you to get an infection."

" It's ten fourty at night! You have to leave in the fucking morning."

Just then Bella appeared, she was holding a book in her hand and looked confused. Her hair hung down in waves, and I forgot about the pain for just a second as I stared at her. She held her phone in her other hand, head cocked to the side.

" What's going on?" she asked.

" Edward cut his leg in the ocean. He needs to go to the hospital."

" I'll take him." Alice said sleepily, yawning.

" Babe, your exhausted." Jasper said, resting his hands on her shoulders.

" I'm fi-"

" I can take him. I wasn't asleep anyways." Bella voluntered.

I looked over at her, surprised that she would offer to do that for me. She didn't look much tired, which didn't make me feel as bad. I took a deep breath, holding the towel closer to my skin.

" Thank you so much, sweetheart. Now, all you have to do is get out of the subdivision, drive past the pharmacy for about two miles and then take a left, just keep going down and the Emergency Room is right there, okay? Are you sure your okay, Edward?"

" Yeah, um. I just need to change. I'm all damn wet."

Quickly I went to my bedroom. Throwing my shirt off and my swim trunks; I quickly got on a pair of boxers, jeans ( to which I rolled up the right pant leg) and then a black wifebeater. Bella was waiting downstairs, and I basically felt like a retard going down them.

" You can take my car." I said.

Bella grabbed my keys and we got outside. Once I was sitting down, I held the towel closer, it was starting to bleed through a little. Bella hurriedly got the key in the ignition and started down the road towards the hospital. She was probably the first girl besides Rose, Alice or Esme to drive my car. I never let my girlfriend's drive my car.

Not that Bella is my fucking girlfriend or anything.

" Are you okay?" she asked, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye.

" Besides it hurting like a bitch, I am just great. Always finding a way to end my Birthday with something fun."

She nodded, and I noticed that her hands on the wheel were shaking. It started scaring me a bit.

" Hey, are you alright?"

" Fine. Don't worry about me."

I gave her a wary look and only ten minutes later we were pulling into the parking lot. When we got through the sliding doors, the receptionist's eyes immediatly went to me. Bella went to the desk while I sat down, and I was glad she did that for me.

" Hi, my...friend had been swimming in the ocean. He cut his leg on something in the water and he is bleeding very badly."

" Of course, I will page a doctor immediatly. What's his name?"

" Edward Masen."

" Okay, and do you know his birthdate?"

" June 20th, 1986."

" What a Birthday!" she exclaimed, looking over at me.

I blew out a breath and she walked over to me. Bella sat down in the chair next to me, holding her bag on her lap.

" Okay, I paged a doctor. Now, Edward, take a deep breath. Try to focus on me, okay?"

When a doctor appeared, I was extremely glad that it had been a women. I didn't want to have to explain to the doctors that I wouldn't feel comfortable with a male taking care of this for me. I knew that their first reaction was to get defensive or offended.

" Oh, my. What's happened here?"

" Mr. Cullen had cut his leg on something in the ocean."

I felt her hand grab my wrist, helping me up. Bella's warm hand on my bicep also helped me stand up. The doctor and Bella helped me to a room, and I got up on the bed, laying on my side. The nurse was looking through the cabinets and drawers, grabbing cotton pads, alcohol, and tools for stitches.

She took away the towel and I heard Bella's big intake of breath.

" Looks like your girlfriend over here is not a big fan of blood." the doctor chuckled.

" Oh, I'm not her boyfriend." I said the same time Bella said " Oh, I'm not his girlfriend."

" I apologize. It just appeared that way."

Bella gave her a tight smile and looked away.

The doctor, who had told me to call her Dr. Carrie, stitched up my leg, after taking a nice chunk of blue coral out of my skin and cleaning up all the blood. They had numbed the skin around it first before she stitched it up. I hated the feeling of my skin getting tugged on, but I was actually kind of used to the feeling.

I just didn't like being a patient, after being one so many countless times. Bella sat in a chair next to me, looking anywhere but at my leg. Obviously this trip was not exactly her cup of tea. As the doctor worked on my leg, I glanced over at Bella, who was staring at my shoulder very intently.

" Thanks for taking me here, dealing with all this shit."

" It's what friends are for, right?"

Friends...

Happy Fucking Birthday...

~\\~

We got back at the beach house half past one. They made me stay just a little longer and ran a blood test to make sure I wasn't at risk for any infections. Luckily, everything seemed to be clear and I avoided all of that. They wrapped an ace bandage around the cut after putting some gauze on it. It was an incised wound, so it was basically just cut straight from something sharp.

It was atleast four inches long, and it was pretty deep.

After it was stitched up, it really wasn't hurting too bad, but they gave me an antibiotic cream and a bag with more dressings for it. They said to stay out of the water for like two weeks, and it should be healed by then aslong as I use the cream twice a day.

" Thank you so much for taking me to the hospital."

" No problem. I couldn't let sit in the foyer and bleed out could I?" she said with a chuckle.

" Yeah, I don't fucking think that would have been a great idea. Everyone awake to seeing me laying in a pool of my own damn blood. I'd take you down with me."

" I bet. Well, I am going to head off to bed, night."

She handed me my keys and I watched as she walked upstairs. I put the keys on the hook and followed upstairs. When I got into my room, I laid down on the bed with a sigh. I took my jeans off carefully and got under the covers in my boxers.

This was definitely a Birthday to put in the records.

~\\~

Carlisle and Esme left earlier that morning, and in the afternoon Alice and the others wanted to go down to Santa Monica beach and spend some time there. I didn't exactly care where to go today, whatever they fucking wanted to do was fine.

I showered and dressed. A white v-neck shirt and a pair of jeans with my boots. The girls were all decked out in their beach clothes, as were Emmett and Jasper. I felt like a fucking square, but I was used to the feeling of being different anyways, that's nothing new.

We walked down to the beach, and it wasn't too busy, but it wasn't empty either.

Alice, Rosalie and Bella walked to the end, and we were near the cliff, where it led up many many feet high. Alot of people used cliffs like this to cliff dive since the water is here.

There was good shade around here, but some sun if they moved out a bit more. I had a book with me, but I was immediatly looking away from the words when I saw Bella taking off her white dress, revealing a dark blue bikini.

I averted my eyes to my book and sighed.

" Hey, Edward. Want to toss the football with us?"

I looked up at Emmett, " No thanks."

" Aw, come on, man. Just once?"

With a sigh I stood up, setting my book on Alice's towel. Emmett threw me the ball and I caught it swiftly in my hands, throwing it over to Jasper. For about ten minutes I threw around the ball with them, but football really wasn't my style and they let me go back to my book and continue reading.

I noticed Bella laying out on a towel, wearing that sinful bathing suit. I wanted to untie those strings.

I sat down with my book, glad to be able to read in peace.

Jasper and Rosalie went to get drinks for everyone at the vending machine, and Emmett went to get hotdogs at the hotdog stand. Alice was laying down on her towel, looking at some fashion magazine next to Bella who was also reading it with her.

" Oh. My. God. EDWARD?"

The voice was painfully familiar to me. When I looked up, I saw my highschool nightmare standing there in a bright neon pink bathing suit, and heels that were not meant to be walked on in sand

I stared at Tanya.

Her nose was obviously operated on.

Her boobs were like...unproportioned with her body. She was like Dolly Parton.

She had obvious hair extentions.

And her bottom lip was...botoxed and chunky looking.

I stood up, " Hi, Tanya."

Behind her, I saw someone familar also appear, and at that moment. I really wanted to kill myself.

Victoria and Tanya were friends?

_What kind of fucked up world is this?_

Victoria looked the same, absolutely beautiful.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair nervously. I really did not want to face the clingy ex-girlfriend, and the one who cheated on me

" Hey, Edward." Victoria said in a low sultry voice.

" Hello, Victoria...How do you both fucking know eachother."

" Someone still has a potty mouth." Tanya said with a giggle.

" We've been friends forever. Tanya's dad works with mine at the firm downtown and our parents spend loads of time together."

_What kind of clusterfuck did I get myself into?_

" Well, I just wanted to say hi! I have to go work on my tan, see you later, Edward." Tanya said, scampering off.

All of the guys stared at her, mouths agape. I had no idea what they saw in someone that was so plastic. Tanya was a pretty girl before all of that shit she did to herself, but she was one of those girls that I saw doing that in the future.

" Hey, do you think we could talk?" Victoria asked.

" Uh, sure."

I had no idea what she could possibly have to say, but I walked with her anyways. Alice glared hard at me as we walked off.

She wasn't my fucking mother, I didn't need to ask permission.

Victoria and I stood on the sidewalk, and I felt her hand on my forearm.

" I really just wanted to apologize for what happened a few months ago, Edward. Cheating on you was not the answer to my frusteration with our relationship. I just wanted to prove to you that I have needs that had to be met."

I sighed and looked away, " I'm over it, Victoria."

I didn't know if she was genuine. She's always been a very rough straight to the point girl.

" I really am sorry for what happened. Look, it was stupid and childish. I thought something was wrong with me because you just didn't...want me that way. But I get that you like to have an emotional connection, and I just wasn't fair too you. I didn't respect what you wanted."

She sounded like she meant it, and I really just wanted to forgive her and move on.

" It's fine, I forgive you. Just...don't fucking do it to other guys."

Victoria laughed and shook her head. " I won't, Edward."

She extended her arms towards me and I gave her a hug.

" That brunette really hates me, she is glaring so hard at me."

I pulled away from Victoria. " Don't let me get my fucking hopes up."

" I'm serious. Is she your girlfriend?"

" Not yet. I'm working on it."

Victoria kissed my cheek, " Edward, you've always been a nice guy. I bet she is already in love with you."

I chuckled " I'm not that damn lucky."

" Okay, I'll catch you later. I hope you have a nice summer."

" You, too."

She walked off and I went back over to the rest of them. Alice was fuming, and I had absolutely no idea why. I sat down and picked up my book, starting to read right where I had left off before. Nobody was really saying anything until Emett spoke up.

" Dude, who was that fucking hot chick that hugged you and kissed your cheek?" Emmett exclaimed.

" That's Victoria."

" Damn! You'd make a hot couple." Rosalie said with a whistle.

" So what, you guys cool now or something?" Jasper asked.

Jasper was the only one that had actually met Victoria, because he was there at the dorms with me obviously when we lived together.

" Yeah. I don't know, she fucking apologized. I forgave her. Shit happens, ya know."

" Well, I don't think it was appropriate that she hugged you, or kissed your cheek. Why was she laughing?"

" Fuck, Alice. What's you fucking issue?" I asked.

" Your supposed-..Not her- I don't understand...- Edward, follow me!"

Alice stood up and stomped towards the small store that held basically random shit. I rolled my eyes and Jasper laughed at me. We passed over the sand, onto the sidewalk, and towards the buildings, I followed Alice over by the store and we were out of earshot of everyone else.

" Your supposed to be spending time with Bella! Not that stupid Victoria, who cheated on you! I thought you liked Bella, you said you did!"

I had no idea where this was coming from, but Alice seemed actually pissed off at me.

" Alice, can you calm the fuck down. It's not like I was making out with Victoria okay, she was apologizing for what happened to cause us to break up. I forgave her, that doesn't mean we are jumping into bed together. And I do like Bella, but she see's us as friends, Alice."

" What? She never said that!"

" Yes she did, yesterday, at the hospital. So, if she see's us as friends, I'm not going to fucking push it, okay. I've tried to make an effort to show I am interested, but she doesn't seem to be taking notice. So if she likes me, then she can call the shots."

" But-But your the GUY."

" Did you not fucking hear me! Alice, she said I was her friend. Boo-fucking-hoo for me. But it's probably for the best anyways."

" Edward..."

" Seriously, Alice. The more I talk about it, the more I feel frusterated and understand that maybe it's not the right fucking time."

Alice sighed, " Yeah." then she perked up. " But what if I talked to her!"

" I can't force her to like me, Alice."

" You may not be a Cullen, but you have the charm."

I rolled my arms.

" You, Edward Masen, need to charm the pants off Bella Swan. I know she likes you, but don't give up. The day is still new."

I was about to open my mouth, but Alice stopped me.

" Just do it. Because I think you would make an adorable couple."

" Ador-"

" You have the whole summer, and what have I told you; Anything can happen, it's summer."

" Yes, Alice."

" Great, now lets go. I need to work on my tan.

I rolled my eyes.

Alice will be Alice.

**Authors Note- I tecnically finished this chapter today, half past midnight. I hope you liked it.**

**Last Weeks Question ( My answer)- What is really and officially, one of the best days of your life? What happened?**

**I have to say, this is really kind of tough...I really don't think I have actually had a day that was really and truly the best. Not saying my life is awful, just never had the awesome of a day.**

**This Weeks Question- Best Birthday gift? What is it and how old were you when you got it?**

**Leave me a review with how you liked the chapter, and feel free to answer the question!**

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**V**


	13. Storm

**Authors Note- Good responses. I am glad your all liking the story. Tell your friends!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

We spent most of the day at the beach. Alice called Carlisle and Esme to make sure that they were safe, and they were already checked into a hotel room at eight. We stayed at the beach until sunset before packing up and walking back to the beach house.

Bella seemed to be very quiet when we got back, granted, she's been quiet the whole entire day. I wondered what the fuck was up, but I didn't say anything. Alice was jabbering on about a bonfire when we got there, and we could have one in the sand. All we would have to do was dig down about two feet around and half foot deep, then toss some wood in and light it.

When we got back to the beach house, Alice went to the cabinets to see if we had the food materials.

" WE HAVE NO MARSHMELLOWS OR CHOCOLATE BARS!" she yelled from the kitchen

I sighed and looked over at Emmett. He gave me a look that said, ' I'm not getting it '.

I headed into the kitchen and Alice had the graham crackers on the counter. She sighed and Bella set her bag on the counter. Alice looked at Bella and I.

" How about you two go to Target and get some. Please?"

" I should change." Bella said in a tight voice.

" Your fine. Just go Bella, Edward is useless in the food aspect anyways."

" It's marshmellows and chocolate bars."

Alice sighed. " Humor me, Swan."

Was I really that bad of company?

I wanted to know why she was so damn pissed at me. She was in a twist, and I was going to figure out why. From what I know, I haven't opened my mouth and been an ass today.

" Come on." I said, looking at Bella.

She sighed and walked towards the foyer, clearly annoyed. I grabbed my keys and opened the front door for her, she walked through and headed to the car, waiting unpatiently. I unlocked it and she got in just as I reached the door.

Bella was fucking pissed.

I got into the drivers seat and started up the car, pulling out of the driveway and towards the Target that was close to Pizza Mia. I glanced over at Bella.

" I haven't spoken a word to you today and your absolutely fucking pissed at me. What did I do?"

" Nothing."

" Your an awful liar."

She didn't even respond to me.

" What the hell did I do?" I shouted, angered.

" NOTHING! You did nothing can you just drop it?"

I looked away from her, just feeling genuinely upset over the situation. I had no idea what the fuck to do. So I'd just give her what she wanted and leave her alone. What a fucking idiot I was to ever think she liked me.

When we got to Target, I got out of the car without a word and headed towards the store. Once I was inside the store, I looked around for food aisle's, which were basically to the back on the right. Bella followed me silently.

I grabbed more graham crackers, and two bags of large marshmellows, they were pretty close, all in the same aisle that was known as ' snacks '. As I looked around for chocolate bars, I found them at the end of an aisle for the price of ten for ten, which was very convenient. I quickly grabbed them and headed for the cashier.

" Can you slow down for gods sake."

" Why the fuck do you care what I do or how fast I walk. I'm sorry for even having you come with me."

" Don't get like that."

" Sorry, mom, didn't get the memo that I can't act however the hell I want." I scoffed.

I put the food on the counter, which was for ten items or less. Once everything was bagged, I swiped my card and punched in my social security. After wishing the cashier a good night I headed back outside towards the car.

Bella kept her arms folded and across her chest the whole way to the car. I put the bag in the backseat and got into the car, waiting for her to get her seatbelt on before driving out of the almost dead parking lot.

I was relieved when we got back to the house, she was fucking pissed at me, and she could go ahead and be that way. She stormed into the house without a word and went to the kitchen. I followed her quietly.

When I put the s'mores things on the counter, Alice clapped her hands and scooped everything into her arms, heading outside. Emmett and Jasper already had everything set up, I was glad they didnt just wait until I got back and made me do it. They had laid out beach towels so we wouldn't have to sit in the sand and have it stick to our skin.

I headed to my bedroom real quick to take a piss and grab a hoodie or some shit, it was a little cold outside, and the fire can't warm everything.

We gathered around the warm fire in the sand ten minutes later. Alice had kebab sticks, and she gave us each one. We had cans of soda and/or bottles, and the s'more things laid on the towels. Rosalie and Emmett were next to me, and Bella was far away from me on the opposite side, looking like she didn't even want to be here in the first place.

It was only five minutes of being outside that Alice decided it would be fun to play a stupid high

school game called ' Never have I ever'. I knew that she wouldn't relent and that she would keep begging until someone gave in. Eventually we would get tired of hearing about it and give her what she want's; her way.

" We all know the rules. If you have done it, take a sip of your drink and so on.."

" I'll start." Rosalie stated, " Okay, never have I ever made out with a teacher."

Emmett and Bella took a drink, acting nonchalant on the subject of kissing a teacher. Rosalie quirked her eyebrow at Bella, and I had to say, I had to give her points because she didn't seem like a girl who would do that. But I don't fucking know her anyways, why would it matter at all what I think. Alice gasped loudly and looked over at her.

" Who?" she asked Bella.

" Professor Williams. He was the History Professor, and I didn't take his class but he liked me."

I rolled my eyes and leaned back, taking a sip of my drink despite the fact that I haven't made out with a teacher.

" Never have I ever...Liked someone that you knew you couldn't have." Alice tossed out there.

Bella, Rosalie and I all took a drink. Rosalie took her sip for Emmett, I knew that. But I had no idea what it was for Bella. And for me, well I took it for Bella. If I wanted to play the game fair, then that was a necessary drink. It's not like anybody would know anyways.

" Okay, never have I ever lied about where I was sleeping." Bella replied.

Everyone but Alice drank from their soda. It was a typical thing, telling people your sleeping at a friends house but in reality doing something that one knows they shouldn't be doing it. Typical teenager thing, anybody who hasn't done it really was not a teenager.

Apparently Alice hasn't though.

" What? Jasper always snuck into my room, not the other way around."

~\\~

The game carried on for awhile, and eventually we stuffed ourselves full of s'mores and laughs. We told stories about high school, about stupid people we knew and things that happened to us in highschool. We all had a second laugh about when Alice slipped down the stairs when she was running to gym. She pouted at everyone, but she knew it was funny.

I actually had a little bit of fun spending time with them. It never was that I didn't like their company, I just didn't find anything that they did a point of interest. Soon we heard the rumble in the sky and we quickly headed inside when drops of rain splattered on us.. The rain would stop the fire. We couldn't put it out ourselves anyways so we obviously left it.

The sky was covered in dark clouds, the stars and moon not visable at all. The rain started coming down really hard as we shuffled inside at around midnight, making sure that we had everything with us. Alice and Jasper headed upstairs, and Emmett and Rose headed up also. Poor Alice was scared shitless of the oncoming storm so of course she whined to Jasper.

At around one, the lightening really started to light up the sky, and it was pretty damn close to the house, but we were safe. We made sure to unplug all important things and stayed in our rooms to quietly ride out the storm. I shut the curtains in the room tightly, feeling the house slightly shake with the loud rumble of thunder. The tapping of drops on my window was annoying, but I tried to ignore it and focus on my book.

I thought about Bella, and what the fuck I was going to do, or if I was going to do anything. If she was really angry at me, maybe it was just a sign that we weren't meant to be anything. While I really wanted to pursue her, I still had my fears about my future. I couldn't expect her to be patient for three years while I go to school.

Atleast I am not a selfish motherfucker and don't even care about others feelings.

At around two in the morning, the storm was at it's worse. I heard a knock on my bedroom door, I told whoever they could come in. I was surprised to see Bella standing there. She was wearing a pair of flannel pants and a tanktop. Her hair was down and she had no socks on her tiny feet.

" Can I come in?" she asked in a quiet voice.

" Uhm, yeah."

She shut the door behind her and I set my book aside. Bella stood in the room awkwardly, and I patted the space next to me warily, giving her an invitation to join me. She walked over to the bed and sat down, fiddling with a thread.

" I'm sorry that I was being a bitch today."

" I guess we all have our days."

" Who were those girls?" she asked suddenly.

" Uhm...Previous girlfriends."

" Both of them?"

" Yeah."

She nodded. " Are you still...Seeing the red head?"

" Victoria? No, we broke up a few months ago."

" Why?"

Apparently Bella was all about questions tonight.

" She cheated on me."

" Did you forgive her? I mean, you hugged her."

" Yeah, I did forgive her. What's the point of holding a grudge. She's a nice girl, I can move on. We didn't spend much time together anyways."

" What about the blonde?"

" Tanya was just a silly high school relationship."

Bella nodded.

" Now, since I got grilled. What's the thing with James."

She looked away, " It's different."

" Come on, you can tell me." I said.

A loud clash of thunder sounded and Bella jumped.

" Scared?" I asked her.

" I hate storms." she mumbled.

" Now, back on the subject."

" It's nothing. We just didn't work out." she murmured.

I wasn't going to settle.

" I just told you a girl cheated on me. Now, come on. I won't tell people, Bella. I'm not like that."

She leaned against the pillows, facing me.

" Well, we dated the beginning of my Junior year of college. I didn't know much about London and he had lived there all his life. He was also attending Cambridge. I'd never met his family much or anything. I met his parents once or twice, but he and I really had a great relationship. He was really nice, sweet and took care of me. Well, I don't know...One night he just...decided that he wanted...more. He forced himself on me and I wasn't interested in taking the step. He tried to hit me but I got away from him. I was going to file a restraining order, but I figured that since summer was coming around, he wouldn't be in America, it's been a year, but who knows..."

My heart almost cracked in half at the thought that he had almost fucking raped her, but she was strong enough to fight him off. I looked at the wall.

" He deserved to get hit at the bar."

Bella sighed, " Edward, I didn't tell you so you would pity me."

" I know. It just pisses me off that someone would do that to you."

" Well, hopefully he'll get it that I don't want to be around him. I'm not going to be here forever. He knows I live in Seattle, but it's a big enough place."

I nodded.

" So are we okay?"

" Yeah, but why were you so pissed at me?"

She blushed and looked away.

" Tell me."

" I didn't like that those girls were all over you." she said in a very hushed tone.

I stared at her, wondering if what she meant, was that she felt something for me. That she was fucking jealous and she didn't want girls to do that. She stared back at me for only a moment, before breaking the gaze.

A strike of lightening shook the house and Bella took a deep breath. I reached for her hand, feeling sparks shoot up my arm once they touched. I moved my head down closer to her level and stared into her eyes, making her stare into mine.

I have no idea how long we just fucking laid there staying into eachothers eyes, it wasn't even awkward, and our eyes never wandered. It was almost as if I could stare into her soul.

And she was staring into mine.

~\\~

" Bella? Bella, where are you?"

" No, Rose, don't go in Ed- Oh my god."

" Aw-ha-ha. That is so cute."

I was still more then half-way asleep, and I knew I could fall back asleep, if they shut up. I moved around, feeling warmth next to me. I curled myself into it, not wanting to let go of the warmth that curled up with me also.

" It's only seven, let them be. If they see us it would be awkward."

" Damn, they are adorable together."

~\\~

When I awoke completely for the first time, I noticed that I was not alone in my bed. A smaller body was next to me.

Bella.

She fast asleep with her limbs tangled around mine in a comfortable way. She looked content as she slept. Her mass of hair spilled all around her, in a curly mess.

I shifted just the slightest closer to her, and Bella moved also; moving her head to my stomach and resting her hand on the waistband of my pants. I groaned internally because if her hand were just a few inchs lower we'd be in fucking trouble.

Right now, what I really wanted to do, was lay her on her back and ravish her for hours on end.

I averted my attention to the ceiling, and moved my hand to rest on her neck, rubbing my thumb on the back of it. It had been a really long damn time since I shared my bed to sleep with someone. I think Victoria slept over twice and we slept on my shitty dorm mattress. Not ideal.

But Bella seemed different, and apparently she liked to cuddle. I had no fucking issue.

If it weren't for the fact that we aren't even fucking together.

With a deep sigh I slowly lifted Bella off of me. I quickly moved before she grasped me, replacing my spot with a pillow. She tossed over and hugged it to her chest tightly. I glanced down her shirt for a moment before realizing that I was a grown adult.

_Staring at her boobs? How cliche and amateur, Masen._

She sighed into my pillow and I went to the bathroom. I stripped myself of my clothes and got into the shower, taking a deep breath. I so badly just wanted to take her in my arms and kiss the hell out of her, but I felt so stuck in my position.

What the hell was going to happen when she woke up in an hour or so? Or even less.

_Hey, thanks for letting me cuddle with you in bed last night._

_Oh, it's fine. What are friends for?_

Fuck that.

I finished my shower and stepped out with a towel around my waist. I shaved my face and then grabbed the clothes I had on the counter. Once I finished getting my jeans, t-shirt, socks and shoes on, I opened the bathroom door to let the steam out of the room. I put on some cologne and ran my fingers through my hair.

When I got back into my bedroom, Bella was fast asleep in my bed still. I took my things downstairs to the laundry room and then decided to go back up and wake Bella from her slumber, when Alice stopped me.

" What, Alice?"

" Bella wasn't in her bed this morning."

" We were talking last night and fell asleep. Good enough explaination for you, Alice?"

" _Friends; _of the boy and girl variety, do not cuddle up in bed together and sleep."

" For once, can you fucking let it not be your business."

" She's my friend, Edward!"

" That doesn't mean you have to put your nose into everything I fucking do. If I want to share my bed with someone, I'll do it. No fucking questions about it."

She glared. " Your not the one who picks up the pieces after a broken heart."

" Oh, so now you've decided you don't want me to date her. Fuck that, Alice. I do what I want."

" Hey, now. What's going on."

" Bella slept with Edward."

Jasper's eyes widened and I looked over at him, " Not like that. We were up late talking and we fell asleep. Tell your girlfriend to take her Xanax and calm down."

" Edward, dude, Alice is just looking out for her."

" Alice was the one that told me to go for it. So I talk with Bella and get to know her and she changes her mind? I was wary about it anyways, but she wanted me to give it a shot. She shoved me into, she keeps shoving me into it by forcing us together somehow. I didn't have sex with her, okay? We we- You know what? I don't have to explain myself to you."

" He's kind of right, sweetheart. You've been pushing them together, and you told me that you want them together. Can't switch your mind if it's already done, Alice. This is people and emotions." Jasper explained.

Alice turned on her heel and walked straight down the hallway. I rolled my eyes and headed upstairs to my bedroom. Bella was still asleep, and I went to the side of the bed and rested my hand on her shoulder.

Suddenly she jerked away, sitting up. For just a few seconds she was confused, but when she looked around, a deep blush sparked up her features.

" Did I?... Did we share the bed?"

" Yeah. I figured I'd wake you up, it's almost eleven."

She looked down, " I didn't...Do anything did I?"

" Besides wrap yourself around me, no." I said with a laugh.

" I'm so sorry!"

" It's alright. I already showered and shit...You can use the bathroom."

Slowly she slid out of my bed, running her fingers through her hair. When she stood, she stumbled off to the side and I caught her, wrapping my arms around her waist. Bella stared up into my eyes, taking a deep breath.

" Thanks." she breathed

I released her from my hold and she blushed, heading quickly towards the bathroom door. Once it shut, I started to make the bed. The whole entire bed smelt like her, and it was absolute torture resisting just laying face down on the bed.

After I made the bed I headed back downstairs and had a quick smoke outside. Bella came downstairs, freshly showered and dressed for the day. Alice was at the island, giving Bella a look before looking around and everyone.

" So, now that Bella finally peeled herself out of Edward's bed, I was planning o-"

" WAIT! Bella and Edward slept together last night? How the fuck do I not know this shit?"

I looked over at Bella, and she looked very incredibly embarassed right now. I felt awful for her.

" Yes, Emmett. They did." Alice said.

I had no idea what the fuck her issue was now, but I wasn't going to let her sit and embarass us like that. Bella shook her head and walked out of the room, I saw Rosalie make a move to leave, but she stopped when I spoke up.

" Stop fucking lying, Alice." I sneered at her. " We were up late last night talking and we fell asleep and you very well fucking know that. Now, if your done being a bitch, I'm going to go try and talk to your so called 'friend' who you just embarassed infront of everyone."

I walked out of the kitchen, leaving everyone with an ajar mouth, and jogged upstairs. When I reached the hallway I knocked on her door softly, waiting for a moment. I didn't get an answer so I opened it up. She was out on the balcony with the doors shut tightly, which is probably the reason why she couldn't hear me. Quietly I opened the french doors and saw her staring out into the ocean, her eyes were watery.

For a moment I didn't say anything, but I knew that she could sense my presence so close to her. I took one more step closer and she looked over at me. She was embarassed, it was clear.

" I didn't...How'd they know?"

" I heard them just faintly this morning come in my damn bedroom. When I got downstairs Alice grilled me. They were looking for you this morning, but you weren't there so they checked my bedroom and saw us sleeping. I clearly told her and Jasper what happened, but she had to go and embarass us with everyone, which was a shitty thing to do."

" Why would she do that? I can't believe... We didn't _do _anything. And if we did? Why is it her business. She's been shoving me at you since the moment I met you! It's barely been a month!"

_I wasn't the only one getting shoved at by Alice?_

" Looks like both of us has had to face the fucking wrath of the batshit pixie."

" What? She's been doing it to you, too?"

" Yeah. I think the only thing we voluntarily did together was go on that bike ride and paint the guest bedroom. What kind of messed up clusterfuck is this?"

She looked down. " I don't know. I'm confused, my feelings are all over the place. My emotions are jumpy."

" Bella, it's okay."

" No! It's not okay! This whole time, for...four years. FOUR YEARS! She kept telling me all about you, telling me that I should come and meet you once during the summer, but I never bothered because I was too busy with school, and I wasn't looking for a relationship. This summer, I finally caved because the girl was in fucking tears thinking that maybe we weren't that good of friends as she thought. She thought that I wouldn't like you guys, so I gave in and told her that I would be alone basically all summer. Alice said that I could stay with all of you, all I heard on the car ride from Forks to Seattle, was how I was basically going to fall in love with you; like love at first sight. She's been not only shoving me, but shoving you...Shoving US together. And I-"

" Calm the fuck down." I interrupted.

Her breathing was heavy, and I didn't want her freaking out over the situation.

When it comes to drama, I avoid that shit at all costs, but now I am roped into it.

Apparently Alice has been pushing Bella into me, while she was pushing me towards Bella by making us do alot of things together. Ontop of that, she has been talking relentlessly about us getting together, to both of us, and Bella for four fucking years. Hearing about it for these few weeks was enough, years is just torture. And now she seems to be pissed that we are getting somewhat closer, and lying about what we did last night.

Which was talking and thats it. She didn't need to know we were staring at eachother for literally hours.

This was a clusterfuck of issues.

Bella looked almost on the verge of tears again. I rested one hand on her waist and she looked at me. I pulled her towards me and wrapped my arms around her waist. The girl looked like she needed a fucking hug.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and I rubbed her back.

" It's all going to be fine. Are you okay?" I asked.

" Yeah. I'm just frusterated..."

Her tiny body was so warm against mine. I took in a deep breath and my mouth almost watered at her scent. I don't know that the fuck this girl uses in the shower, but it's fuckawesome and I would die happy breathing this in.

I let her go after a moment and she sighed.

" Can't hide for the rest of the summer."

" Unfortunetly."

We walked downstairs together, and I saw Alice sitting on the couch, when she saw Bella, she sprung up to her feet and walked towards us. I veered past her and into the kitchen to grab a coke or some shit.

" Bella can we talk? I'm really sorry about what I said."

" Yeah, sure, let's step outside."

Rosalie went with them, and I was stuck with Jasper and Emmett, who had shit eating grins on their faces. I rolled my eyes at them and sat down at the kitchen. They sat across from me.

" So, got Bella in your bed, eh, Eddie." Emmett started.

" Don't fucking start. We were talking and fell asleep."

" Yeah, totally wrapped around eachother from what Alice told me a little while ago." Jasper said with a smirk.

" Well, they lied." I lied.

" Oh, please. Alice may exaggerate, but Rosalie tells to exact truth."

" Why the fuck do you care?"

" Because. You had BELLA in your bed. Dude, I love Rose, but Bella is fucking hot. I'd go for her if I wasn't totally head over heels for Rosie."

I rolled my eyes.

" Come on, Edward. You can't say you were thinking friendly thoughts when you woke up this morning."

" I'm not as perverse as you both."

" Okay, I know that, but your a twenty three year old man."

" What, did you expect me to molest he-"

Just then the sliding glass door opened and three happy girls walked through.

" Wait...Who just said molest?" Alice said.

" I don't even want to know." Rosalie grumbled, seating herself on Emmett's lap. Alice did the same with Jasper.

Bella sat in a chair next to me, and Alice sighed, leaning back into Jasper.

" So, I've decided we are going to Pacific Park at like four. I figured at like two thirty we could get a late lunch, early dinner or whatever. But yeah...Hey, Edward, can we talk for just a second?" Alice asked, hopping off Jaspers lap.

I can't just say no.

She pulled me outside and shut the door tightly. She sat down, I stood.

" I'm really sorry about this afternoon."

I shrugged.

" Edward, please don't be like that."

" You purposely lied to Emmett, which was a fucking shitty thing to do. You made it sound like we had sex, and I would never fucking do that. I've known the girl barely a month."

" When I saw you both all...cuddled together in bed I just got a little nervous."

" Why?"

" Because, remember when you said that you'd probably break her heart? I thought about that. And then I started thinking that maybe if you did, Bella wouldn't be my best friend anymore. And maybe you would be angry at me for shoving you both together. If you like eachother, I want it to be on your terms, or hers. Whatever. I just don't want to carry a burden."

" Alice..."

" I'm being serious, Edward."

" Look, all these conversations are just driving me further away. I'll just stay away from her all together. No bedroom talks, cigarette...Whatever. I don't fucking care anymore."

" Now don't do that! Edward, I'm only saying these things because I don't want to lose my brother or best friend. I can see you like her, and Edward...She really likes you. Please don't give up because of what I've been saying, okay? If you give up, do it because you don't like her, or don't want to be with her."

I sighed. " Okay, Alice."

" You guys looked really cute together this morning."

" Don't wanna hear about it, Al."

She smiled and grasped my wrist. Alice hugged my arm and leaned against me.

" I love you, Edward."

I sighed, " You, too, Alice."

When I stepped into the house, my phone then started to ring.

_Hey, your a crazy bitch,_

_but you fuck so good_

_I'm ontop of it when I dream_

_I'm doing you al-_

I answered my phone quickly, and saw everyone break out in loud guffaws.

Whoever the fuck did that was going to pay.

" Hello."

" Hey, man! I'm sorry I didn't get to call you earlier. How's it been going?" Mike's voice rang out.

I walked out of the room. " Good. Alice loved her fucking gift. Thanks for hooking me up, man. Seriously."

" Great, Jess is probably going to be happy to hear that. Yeah, I am actually in New York right now."

Mike and I talked for a few minutes, and he put Jess on so I could talk with her for a moment. I thanked her for the whole Birthday gift thing and then hung up the phone with them. They were pretty good friends of mine.

Now it was time to kick whoever's ass it was that set Crazy Bitch by: Buckcherry as my ringtone. I went into the kitchen and glared over at Jasper and Emmett. Before I got a word out Emmett was out of his seat and out of the sliding glass door.

I ran after him and I heard everyone shuffle out of the kitchen.

" KICK HIS ASS, EDWARD!" Alice yelled with a laugh.

Emmett was running on the shore like and idiot. I was in fucking track, this was nothing. Once I caught up with him, I curved around the side of him. I literally leapt onto his back and took him down into the water, getting myself wet in the process.

He crashed into the waves and I stood up. Once he came up to breathe, he spat out water.

" It was a joke!"

" Not fucking funny."

Before I could even freak out or say anything, he shoved me into the water and took off swimming towards the shore.

Quick things like that I guess didn't really freak me out as much. And I'm trying to learn to be okay with pointless acts of someone just touch my arm. I got out of the water, completely soaked. When I got out of the water, I decided that I could finally get pay back from Alice and her attitude this morning.

They were all in the sand, laughing. Emmett tossed his shirt off and I stalked towards Alice.

As I got closer, she seemed to know what I was going for and she yelped, running towards the house. Just as she got onto the deck, I grabbed onto her, lifting her into my arms for a tight hug. She screamed loudly.

" EDWARD! YOUR COLD AND WET!"

" I never got to tell you I forgive you, Alice."

" OKAY, OKAY. I'M SO SO SO SO SORRY. NOW LET ME GO!"

I set her down and she looked down at her shirt, fake sobbing.

" Edward..."

I kissed the top of her head, " You'll be okay. Now, what did you say about Pacific Park?"

**Authors Note- READ ALL NOTES BELOW! READ ALL NOTES BELOW!**

**Um...Here is the thing, I really need all of you to be reading this, it's very important.**

**Recently, alot of medical things have been going on with me, and I have been having alot of trouble. I can't promise chapters are going to be on time, I hope you can understand that what I am going through, really is something serious. I'm not lying for more time to write, I am serious. I will try to get them out on time, but I need support from you guys, okay?**

**Follow me on twitter, you know what's going on there.**

**Last Weeks Question ( My answer) - Best Birthday gift? What is it and how old were you when you got it?**

**Well, I would have to say when I was 13, and it was a Claddagh Ring with my Aquamarine birthstone. Almost everyone in my family have it with their own birthstone, and I am 50%+ Irish, so it's something really special. I still wear it on the same finger to this day!**

**This Weeks Question- What's your Ringtone? Has anyone ever jokingly embarassed you infront of someone(s) by changing it? If so, what song was it changed to?**

**Answer the question, and let me know your thoughts on the chapter!**


	14. Pacific Park

**Authors Note-**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

Later on that day we went to a familar restaurant, Red Lobster, and decided to get some late lunch before heading to Pacific Park. It's a very popular Amusement Park in Santa Monica, and everyone was really excited to go. After we were seated with our menu's, Alice chattered excitedly about all of the rides and activities.

" I'm not going on rides." Bella said adamently.

Alice's jaw dropped. " Bella! You have to."

I took a gulp from my coke, and I knew that Alice was going to find some way to force Bella. Even if she had to drag her onto a ride kicking and fucking screaming.

" And get the shit scared out of me, no thanks."

Emmett patted Bella's back, a little too hard because she had lurked over the tablee.

" Oh, suck it up, Izzy. Just a few "

Suddenly Bella's jaw locked and she looked over at Emmett. " Please don't call me that."

" Why not?"

Bella looked down at the table. " My mom used to call me that. I don't like it when people call me that anymore."

" Used t-"

" Emmett, just drop it." Alice said

" No, it's fine. She died when I was a kid, Emmett. I just don't like it when people use that nickname."

He nodded, " Sorry."

" It's okay."

The waiter came back and he took our orders. He was staring at me oddly, as if he knew me or something. It was kind of fucking creepy, but I ignored it. I got Wood-Grilled Peppercorn Sirloin and Shrimp with a Lobster Baked Potato and green beans, I was fucking starving.

After taking our order, the waiter left and I excused myself for a cigarette outside. Bella followed me soon afterwards as I sat down on the bench outside. She sat next to me and took out a pack of Marlboro cigarette's and lit one.

" She used to call you Izzy." I noted.

Bella nodded, " Yeah. My dad did-does- too. All my friends when I was a kid called me that. It was never Bella. When I was fifteen I just couldn't take hearing it from them, because it was like the special name her and my dad gave me. So, I just made everyone start calling me Bella."

" Bella means beautiful in Italian." I noted.

She snorted, " As if I haven't heard that one before. Bad pickup line."

" I didn't tecnically call you beautiful, I was just stating the meaning of your name in a different language. You took it upon yourself to assume I was complimenting and coming onto you."

" Oh! You just twisted it around to make me look conceited!"

I smiled, " I didn't, you did it yourself. I just explained what you assumed."

I smashed the end of the cigarette on the ground and tossed it in the trash, smiling at Bella before entering the restaurant. I sat down and everyone looked over at me.

" Where is Bella."

" Having a smoke."

Emmett looked over in my direction, " Your both are perfect, both smell like ash trays."

" I smoke once a day, twice if it's people like you who piss me off."

He rolled his eyes and I smirked against the edge of my glass. Bella returned and ten minutes later our food was placed infront of us. I quickly got to cutting up the delicious fucking steak and was digging right into it. The shrimp was really good, along with the lobster stuffed potato. They probably had such good seafood because they got it so fucking fresh.

We ate our food, talking and sharing a slow conversation. Emmett looked to be very into his shrimp pasta right now. It was like he was having a damn relationship with the food.

" Emmett, dude, what are you mouthing into your pasta?" Jasper asked.

" Nothing..." he said, taking a large bite and getting sauce all over his face in the process. I rolled my eyes at his idiocity and took a bite of the shrimp.

Next to me, Bella was eating Cajun Pasta, but she was clearly eying the shrimp on my plate. They were all talking amongst themselves, and I leaned over towards Bella. I asked her if she wanted a piece of my shrimp.

" Why would you assume that?"

" Because your eyeing it like a hawk."

She shrugged sheepishly, looking back at her plate. I grabbed the kebab stick with the shrimp and put one on the corner of her plate. I saw her smile behind her curtain of hair, and I looked back at my plate, finishing off my dinner.

Once we had finished and our plates were taken, Alice gave the waiter her debit card. We sat down for a few more minutes before the guy returned, giving her a receipt and walking way with an odd, sinister smile.

Suddenly, Alice burst out in loud, obnoxious laughter, and she reached over the table and handed me the receipt. On the back, I noticed a note in smalll script, written in purple pen.

_Bronze,_

_The whole 'badass' vibe gets me going._

_Give me a call. We could have some fun._

_1-213-555-6117_

_- Brett_

I crumbled up the receipt and tossed it at Alice, who caught it skillfully and put it in the trash that was by the enterance door. I noticed our waiter wink at me and I sighed, walking outside and holding the door open for the girls.

" Let's go, Bronze." Rosalie said to me.

Bella giggled from beside me as we walked towards the Volvo. I unlocked the car and headed to the other side, Bella beat Jasper to the passenger seat and him and Alice were stuck sitting in the back until we got to the Pier, where the Park was on.

" Laughing at the fact that I can get a guys unwanted attention?" I asked Bella.

" No, but I'm going to call you Bronze now."

" Your never living that down. I mean, he was pretty cute, Edward."

I glared back at Alice, " Just because I have trouble with girls, doesn't mean I should change teams."

Jasper chuckled and shook his head. " You get numbers from ladies and men. Ever keep one of them?"

I scoffed, " No. Their not worth my time."

I drove to the Santa Monica beach, parking in the big lot they had by the Pier. It was busy of course, it's fucking summer of course it is. When we got onto the Pier, we walked down farther and ' Pacific Park' was in huge letters to enter. There was a steel rollercoaster going almost all around the Pier, a big drop, ferris wheel, Pirate ship, bumper cars, and there was also carnival games going on to win things.

People hustled around the place, and we were tossed into the crowd, I felt a tiny hand take my wrist and hold it. I looked over and saw Bella, who was looking at me with her big brown eyes. I moved my hand to grasp hers, and I felt her fingers braid through mine in a more firm grasp.

All of the people here were making me just a bit nervous, but I took a deep breath.

I could have a nice fucking day for once, couldn't I?

~\\~

" Hell. No." Bella said, backing away from the line.

This ride was the only real rollercoaster they had, it went all around the Pier, and Bella was adamently refusing to just stay where she was. I gripped her hand tightly and pulled her forward. She shook her head.

" No,"

" Come on, we are going, and we are going to have fun. Let's go."

" I am not going on that thing!"

Everyone else looked at me, giving me a look that said ' how are you going to get her on this?'."

With a sigh I wrapped my arm around her waist, pushing her forward as she fought to leave. We walked past the guy who ran it, and I smirked at him, literally having to wrestle Bella into the seat and put the seatbelt on her. She finally stopped struggling when I sat down next to her.

" Dammit, your a fighter."

She glared at me. " I hate you so much."

" No you don't."

Bella huffed like a five year old and turned her head away. I leaned back in my seat as more people got on, and Emmett looked extremely excited. Like he was about to shit his pants with excitement because it was his first rollercoaster.

" It goes like thirty five miles per hour. This is nothing." I stated.

He scoffed, " Whatever, Ed."

_~\\~_

_Flashbacks_

_~\\~_

_" Ed! Please, just let him be!"_

_" He didn't do it, Ed. Please."_

_" He didn't do anything. It was me, Ed, stop."_

_" What you do to him isn't right, Ed. You have to stop."_

_" ED! He's just a little boy, he gets into things!"_

_~\\~_

_End Flash backs_

_~\\~_

" Don't fucking call me that, Emmett."

" Everyone if so sensitive about nicknames today."

" That was my dad's fucking nickname. Sorry if I don't want a nickname that fucker had."

Before they said anything I got out of the fucking ride and walked out of the place. The guy who ran the ride almost stopped me, but the look on my face made him move out of my damn way, and I walked further down the Pier. Away from the stupid park.

When I was out of the flurry of the crowd I walked over the edge, leaning out over the water. I took a long deep breath, closing my eyes as the mess of flashbacks hit me with force.

_~\\~_

_Flashback_

_~\\~_

" WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?" I heard him scream.

My whole entire body quivered.

" You little bastard! You told the school? Are you stupid enough to think that that would stop me? I am not going to jail because of you, your a worthless mistake!" he yelled, his voice echoing and louder as he walked closer.

I leaned against the door, tears streaming down my face.

This would be the worst beating I would get, I knew it. If only I had hid my bruises better, and been more careful around people, this would have never happened in the first place and I would be safe from the hell I knew I was going to endure.

The door was shoved against, and the weak wood creaked. I turned and ran towards my bedroom window. With shakey hands I unlocked it and lifted it up just as he barged through the door. I let out a gasp and jumped skillfully out of the window.

I looked around, and suddenly saw my mother pulling into the driveway. She was home from work. Quickly I ran towards the car, and she jerked to a stop, startled. Before she could turn it off or do anything, I got into the seat and slammed the door, locking it.

" Edward! What's going on."

" Get the hell out of here." I shouted.

Suddenly my father's hands slammed down on the hood of the car, and my mother put the car in reverse. Once she was down the street, I leaned back in the seat, my breathing hard. She reached over and grabbed my hand.

" Baby, why was he especially angry today?" my mom whispered.

" The...gym teacher. He saw my bruises that were on my back. I told him not to call, he didn't listen." I said.

" Oh my...It'll be okay, baby."

" No, it won't be. Because the moment we get home he's going to murder me."

" Edward, I would never let him...kill you." my mother said, choking up.

" You would if I told you to."

She parked the car in the parking lot of Walmart, leaning over the console to hug me. I kissed her cheek and hugged her back. I knew she was crying, I could feel her tears soaking into my shirt. I rubbed her back.

" It's okay, mom."

_~\\~_

_End Flashback_

_~\\~_

The Flashback cut off and I felt a hand resting on my shoulder. I jerked to the side and looked down, seeing Bella standing next to me. I shook her hand off and continued walking down the pier. I took a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it. I wasn't in the mood for fucking hand holding and leaning close to eachother.

" Stop being a jerk." Bella stated, walking infront of me.

" Just like my dad right?"

She looked confused. " I don't even know...Edward, I don't even know your past. But what it sounds like, is that he was a dad at all. I'm not trying to pry into your life, but it's sometimes better to talk about it."

I looked at her, " I don't talk about it with Esme and Carlisle, why the fuck would I talk about it with a girl I've known not even two months."

I felt bad at the hurt expression that came over her face, " I'm sorry. I mean, I talked to you about my mom, I just thought that maybe... you would talk to me, too. But, I'm probably a fool to even think that."

She was about to walk away, but I grabbed her wrist, not even knowing what the fuck I was doing. Bella stopped and looked at me. I took a puff of my cigarette before speaking.

" I'm sorry for being such a jackass. Your right, my father wasn't really a father. My...mom, used to call him Ed, so did everyone else. Pissed me off when Emmett said it, nobody has ever called me that."

" Well, I bet your not your dad."

I looked over the ocean, " It doesn't matter. Lets just go find the rest."

As we made our way back into the crowd, Bella's hand hesitantly brushed mine, and I grasped it, braiding my fingers through hers. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her smile. The rest of them were just getting off the ride, Emmett looked discouraged, and when he saw me, he immediatly walked towards me.

I slightly backed away and he backed up.

" Sorry, man. I didn't know."

" Exactly. Just forget about it."

" Ooooh! Jasper, can you win me a teddy bear? Please!" Alice exclaimed loudly, pulling him towards the display that someone had to knock down five empty milk bottles with one baseball in one throw. There was three tries, they stacked up back up each time, because it would be easy to get all five down if someone got three tries, minus the ones they already did.

" Of course, sweetheart."

" I want the big one!"

" You wan't to carry it around?"

" We can run back to the car can't we?" she asked with puppy dog eyes.

He smiled, " Okay, baby. Come on."

Rosalie dragged Emmett over the the water shooting guns to win her a little Panda bear. I looked over at Bella, jokingly smiling at her.

" What am I winning you, princess." I joked.

" Oh, if your offering. I want a dolphin." Bella said seriously, pointing to a display.

There were balloons attached to a wall, filled with little seeds, and you had to pop three, with five darts. I looked at Bella, giving her a serious look, wanting to know if she was just jerking my chain or being actually serious about wanting the fucking dolphin.

" Seriously?"

She nodded. I gripped her hand and walked over to it, she laughed behind me.

" Are you really going to do it?"

" Why not." I said, leaning over the display to hand the guy two bucks.

He handed me five darts, standing out of the way to let me throw them. I threw the first one, and missed, the second one, I missed. And the third one, I didn't even get it attached to the board. This was fucking hard, and it was frusterating.

Once I used up all of the darts, only popping one, I handed the guy more money.

" Edward-" Bella started.

" Shut it, I'm going to beat this."

It wasn't even about winning a stuffed animal for fucks sake, those balloons were going down.

I hit them harder, and the first one I got a green one. I missed the second, but got the third with a yellow balloon. With two darts left, I only had to hit one more balloon.

I failed.

It took me up to twelve dollars to finally beat the game. The guy grabbed a fucking turtle and handed it out to me. I shook my had.

" Sorry, the girl want's the dolphin."

" You don't get to pick."

" I just made you twelve fucking dollars. Hand over the damn dolphin before I get pissed." I said seriously.

He glared at me and grabbed the dolphin, throwing it at me. I caught it and smiled, giving him a fake enthusiastic, ' Thanks!' and handing Bella her dolphin. She smiled brightly, excited. The dolphin was pretty big, but not overpowering. It was stripped with an ocean blue and a grey color, and the fur on it was silky and kind of long.

Bella looked up at me, " Thanks, do you want some money."

" I don't want your money." I stated.

She shrugged, " Thought I'd ask anyways."

We walked further into the Park, until we came to the giant drop. Everyone agreed we'd go on that one, and we were strapped in, Bella gripped the dolphin, her eyes already clenched even though it hadn't started.

Once it started slowly making it's way upwards, I could see how nervous she was beside me. I leaned back, my long legs danging down below me. Suddenly, I heard Rose's loud, girlish screech.

" My stiletto!"

" Who the fuck wear's heels to an Amusement Park?"

" I do, asshole!" she yelled at me

I smirked and suddenly the ride dropped. My stomach was left at the top. If I hadn't been so distracted, the first drop wouldn't have been so bad. After two, I was used to it, but poor Bella next to me was gripping the dolphin so hard I wouldn't be surprised if she ripped it in half.

Once the ride stopped, Bella stumbled off of it and almost fell. I grabbed onto her and held her hand. She was all trippy and dizzy.

" Alright there, Bella?" Alice asked.

" Yeah." she murmured, " I'm going to get some water."

She walked towards the stand, releasing my hand. Alice looked over at me, smirking.

" Holding hands are we?"

" Don't want to hear it, Alice." I stated, watching as Rosalie grabbed her fallen shoe.

" Get your slipper, Cinderella?" I shouted.

She covered the side of her hand, so kids wouldn't see, and gave me the finger. I rolled my eyes at her and gave it right back to her. Emmett chuckled and grabbed Rosalie's hand.

" I'm much prettier then Cinderella!" she stated.

" No your not." I heard a small voice say.

There was a girl, who looked to be about eight, and she was looking at Rosalie incredulously. Her mother gave her a scolding look, and Rosalie was about to deck her. Everyone knew that Rosalie was a very confident person, and hearing that she isn't beautiful, would be like telling her that her best friend shot her grandmother.

It's not good.

" Kimberly, that was not nice." her mother stated.

" Your telling me that a cartoon is prettier then me?" Rosalie asked.

I wondered if she really was going to get in a fucking fight with a little girl.

" Cinderella is _not _a cartoon. She lives in Disney World! Are you stupid? And she is a bagillion times prettier than you!"

" Mom! I have been looking ev- Hey."

A girl, who looked to be about...sixteen stood there. She was eyeing me, her eyes fucking raping me. She was wearing a pair of white shorts and a tanktop that had 'Aeropostale' stamped over the chest, along with a bathing suit underneath the top and a pair of flip flops. Any typical California girl.

" Who are you?" she asked me, stepping forward and reaching out to rub my arm.

I pulled away.

This is fucking jailbait, I don't think so. Her mother glared at her and she took a step back.

" I'm not stupid! I am much prettier than some stupid fake person wearing a fake costume!"

Emmett grabbed a hold of Rosalie before she could do anything, shoving her in the opposite direction. The little girl was huffing in her direction, and I took that as my cue to leave. Alice was quietly giggling at the exchange.

Suddenly Bella came up behind me, and I saw the young teenager glare at her.

What the fuck?

" You live around here? I'm Mary, by the way."

" No, I don't live around here."

" Vacation...Looking for a summer fling? I could...show you around." she whispered, leaning towards me.

I took advantage of the fact that Bella was standing beside me, wrapping my arm around her waist as she stumbled into my side.

" I have a girlfriend...And your jailbait." I said, laughing at the end as I pulled Bella with me.

" What the hell was that about?" Bella asked, fixing her hair.

" No idea," I stated.

" Playing girlfriend, boyfriend, are we?"

" Would have grabbed Alice if she wasn't attached to Jasper."

Bella nodded, looking away. " Yeah..."

The rest of us hung around, playing a few more games and winning more prizes. By throwing ten basketballs into a hoop, I had gotten Bella this big ass panda bear. It was literally bigger than her. After a rousing round of bumper cars, to which I totally owned everyone in, we decided to head back after a tiring day.

Bella shoved her big ass panda into the backseat, holding the dolphin. I started up the car and we drove home quietly. I had another smoke, and we listened to quiet classical music.

Once we got to the beach house, all of the girls tiredly slumped upstairs. Emmett looked like someone knocked the wind out of them, and Jasper was basically dead, he opened up Alice's bedroom door, and I looked at him.

" If I hear anything in there, I will call Carlisle." I said.

" Dude..."

" Naw, I really don't give a shit. But if I hear noises, I will not hesitate you shove you out of there."

He rolled his eyes and shut the door. After putting a few things back into my room, I headed back downstairs outside, taking a seat on one of the two loungers. I put my head in my hands, sighing.

All of the fucking hand holding was getting to me. I really am just ready to grab her and kiss her. After all of the bed cuddling it's just been awful. Maybe it's because I haven't got a good lay in awhile and Bella just got me all flustered after sleeping in my bed.

But it just didn't feel that way. I didn't want to just maul her and have sex with her. It was actually nice to cuddle, which made me sound like a total fucking softy.

And the whole thing with my dad...I didn't even think I could tell her what I went through, and everything afterwards. I just didn't think I would have the courage to do something like that with someone I've not known for long. We know alot of basics about eachother. But does she prefer turkey over ham? Steak over lobster? Regular over diet?

I let out a frusterated groan, and I heard the sliding glass door open and close. I looked up and saw Bella walking towards me. She had changed her clothes though, wearing a pair of thin dark blue shorts, and a white tanktop. Her hair was thrown up in a ponytail, showing even more skin, her beautiful long neck exposed. She also had on a pair of short white socks.

" What are you doing out here? You were basically dead in the car?"

She sat down on the lounger across from me, and my eyes glanced just a second at her long, soft, creamy legs. I looked at her.

" I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and to thank you for such a great day. You helped with that."

" Your welcome."

" Are you okay?"

" Yeah..."

She sighed, " You don't sound so sure."

" It's nothing. I was just thinking."

" About."

I paused for a moment before answering, " My previous father."

Bella nodded.

" I'm not stupid, I know your dying to know."

Her head cocked to the side, which was the cutest fucking thing.

" To know what?"

" Don't play with me."

She sighed and shifted on the lounger, playing with her long thin fingers. I watched her closely, waiting for what she was going to say next. She's always such a mystery, I never know what she is going to say at what time.

" Why do you hate him so much? I mean, did they throw you into foster care when you were a kid and left you."

I shook my head, " No, the story of how I got adopted is probably a bit...different from other kids."

" I'm not asking you to tell me the story, but...How did you get adopted by the Cullen's?"

" I told you that while ago, Carlisle was the one who took care of me in the hospital. Eventually, Esme started to come visit me, then I met Alice. Around the time they were going to put me into foster care, Carlisle said that he wanted to take me in. He was always...nice. Always constant, came and talked with me everyday, even though most I didn't talk."

" Why...Why were you in the hospital?" Bella asked in a small voice.

I took a deep breath, my hands slightly shaking. " I was hurt really bad."

" Did your parents not care?"

" No, Bella. It wasn't exactly that."

" What was it."

I looked away, up towards the full moon. I had no idea what to say, because I would end up telling her the entire story anyways. I wouldn't go into detail, but Bella would be the only person who knew all of it, who knew the reason I was in the hospital, how he found out and all of this happened to me.

My heart was racing.

" You don't have to answer, Edward. I'm sorry."

" No, it's okay...I can...I'll tell you my story."

**Authors Note- I know, I tell you all updates won't be on time, and then I leave you with this, not knowing when I update next. It will hopefully be sometime next week. Hope your all enjoying the story so far. Twitter is updated, so you can know how things are going on there, link is in my profile.**

**Last Weeks Question (My answer) - What's your Ringtone? Has anyone ever jokingly embarassed you infront of someone(s) by changing it? If so, what song was it changed to?**

**My ringtone is Cherry Bomb, the version of when Kristen Stewert and Dakota Fanning sang it. Nobody has ever tampered with my phone, and the person who would, probably knows that they won't be living for long.**

**Alrightly, now!**

**This Week's Question- Ever been to an Amusement Park? If so, what is is called, where is it located?**

**Review and answer the question if you want, make sure to tell me what you thought of the chapter!**


	15. Lies Vs Truth

**Authors Note- Looks like I am not off key too much, I updated last Friday so, I think that's pretty good.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

" No, it's okay...I can...I'll tell you my story."

Bella looked surprised for a moment, and I fiddled nervously with my fingers. I felt her hand cover mine, linking our fingers together. I looked up at her and she smiled at me.

" My father was...a drinker. He was a lawyer, laid off from his job and turned to drinking. He didn't ever like me much when I was a kid, didn't show much interest in getting to know me. I was a disappointment because I wanted to be a doctor, and I never liked things he liked. We were opposites. We were never close, but my mom and I were really close. When I was ten...thats when he started abusing me...He would hit me, slap me, kick. It was bad for awhile, and then he started breaking bones and everything got worse. My mom...she tried to help but he threatened...to hurt her. And to finish me off if she kept screaming at him to stop...But he never really had a reason to hurt me. I made sure that dinner was made alot of the time, when my mom was busy working. I did all of the cleaning in the house, and the outside landscape. I never gave him a reason to have to hurt me."

I kept my gaze on our hands as I spoke, not wanting to look at her face.

" Eventually I started fighting back, around the age of fourteen. I would swear at him, shove him back. He was always stronger. He'd...shove me to the ground, say awful things to me. When he was really angry, he'd use a hot knife and cut into my back...My mom...she would always come to my bedroom, after he made me shower and clean up the cuts, she would cover the bruises, tell me that one day things would be better, and she'd hold me and promise me...One day... She's

been supporting us at the time while he went out a drank, paying for all of our living expenses."

Bella squeezed my hand, " One day...I was at school and the coach noticed the bruises on my back. I told him that I was clumsy, that I had fallen outside while fooling around. I just begged and begged him not to say anything, but after a week he decided to call my parents. My father answered the phone, and he was angry, thought I was stupid for going to the school and telling them. It wasn't even worth telling him that I didn't tell...Later that night after my mom brought us back to the house he...he was angry, more angry then I'd ever seen him. He kicked me so hard and sliced my back up terribly, my stomach, too. Afterwards I was shoved into my bedroom. I was too weak to shower, I just laid in my bed. My ribs were broken, I could feel it...I awoke hours later. All I saw was police lights..."

I saw Bella lean down and kiss my knuckle, I smiled slightly.

" A police man had came into my bedroom. He was taking me towards a paramedic. I was really confused, I have no idea what was going on. When I walked into the family room, my father was dead on the floor. My mom...she killed him. She kept telling me that she just couldn't take it anymore. I went into the hospital that night, that's when Carlisle treated me. A few days later the same police man that found me told me that she was not in police custody anymore. It was self defense, so she wasn't charged with murder. And he told me that she said that she wanted to start fresh, and have someone else to love me a take care of me...I was so angry at her for giving up on me after all of that."

I'd realized that I had started crying, and I looked up at Bella. She looked heartbroken, I didn't want her to feel bad for me.

" She just wanted me to start over, thinking I could heal with somebody else."

" Is that why you don't take your shirt off, the scars? And why you don't feel comfortable around like Emmett, Carlisle and Jasper."

I nodded, " It's not as bad with Carlisle, or Jasper. But, Emmett...When I first met him he had a strong approach, it scared me often."

" What about the shirt?"

" Nobody wants to see that shit, it's awful."

Bella stared at me, shaking her head. " Their not, they made you who you are today. Beautiful and strong."

" Beautiful? Bella...no." I said, pulling away.

She grabbed my wrist, " When I look at you I see a strong person. We've gotten to know eachother alot these past few weeks, Edward. Your a great person, I want you to know that."

" Then why did she just give me up?"

I felt her fingers brush my tears away.

" I don't know, but she's missing out..." Bella whispered.

Her hands dropped to my knee's, and I sat up, still watching her. I reached out and Bella grabbed my hand, resting it on her waist and moving it back to my knee. I leaned forward, and my lips were so fucking close, I could feel her breath on them.

Suddenly I heard a pop and loud laughing. We jerked away from eachother in alarm, and I looked out onto the beach. Of course there were kids, fooling around and laughing. I wanted to fucking shoot them.

I stood up from the chair, scratching the back of my neck. " Do me a favor, don't tell them anything I told you."

" Are you leaving?" she asked

" It's been a long day. I'm kind of tired."

Bella nodded and stood.

My hand grazed her wrist, and she looked up at me, her smile almost radiant.

" Thank you for listening to me."

" Of course, Edward. Goodnight."

~\\~

June 23rd

~\\~

In the morning, I headed straight for the shower. I figured Alice would drag us out of the house sometime in the afternoon so I would just get dressed. After showing, shaving and brushing my teeth I headed downstairs. Everyone was downstairs, already dressed and everything and they were finishing up breakfast.

I got a cup of coffee and filled it with some cream, and a few teaspoons of sugar. Once I was finished I sat down at the table.

" Any crazy plans for today?"

" Mini golf! And it's really hot out, so whether you like it or not, we are going swimming later on. I'm feeling pale."

I rolled my eyes at her, taking a sip of my coffee. She knew I'd go in the fucking water, Alice was a force to be reckoned with. We talked for a bit at the table before everyone broke off. Bella went outside for a cigarette, and Rosalie, Alice and Emmett we're in the garage looking for innertubes and shit.

I sat on the couch opposite of Jasper, and he looked at me.

" So, I saw you and Bella outside talking last night."

I looked at him skeptically, " Yeah, so?"

" Finally getting some?"

Jasper can be such an idiot.

" For starters, we aren't even fucking dating, and she doesn't...She basically confessed to being a virgin. I don't think I am going to just have sex with a virgin without even having a relationship."

The look on his face told me that he knew something.

" What?"

He shook his head nonchalantly, " Nothing."

I sighed, " Are you going to be a fucking chick about it, or are you going to just fucking tell me?"

Jasper sighed, obviously knowing I wasn't going to let it go unless he told me what he was thinking about right now.

" I don't know, Alice just said that Bella hooked up with a guy in London that her ex-boyfriend knew, payback of some form. But before you freak out, talk to Alice, or better yet, Bella."

All this time she had me convinced she was a fucking virgin. She didn't even have the guts to tell me that she did have another relationship after James? It pissed me off, because I opened up to her and yet she doesn't tell me something like that.

I didn't even care about the fact that she hooked up, I was pissed at the fact that she just fucking lied to my face and didn't come clean about it, even after all I've told her she couldn't just say that she lied and end it there.

I even told her about Victoria and Tanya for fucks sake.

" Edward, chill. I can see your getting worked up."

" I told her about my past, and she couldn't just tell me that Rosalie was wrong. That's all she would have said."

I stood up, and Jasper glared at me, " What are you doing?"

" I'm going to go ask her why she fucking lied to me."

" Edwa-"

" I can handle if a person doesn't like me, or judges me or shit, but lying...No, I won't take lying."

" But the lying has nothing to do with you! It's not like she lied about you, man. It's fucking personal shit."

I walked out of the living room, and opened the sliding glass door. I looked out and noticed Bella sitting in the sand, a cigarette between her two ruby lips. Quietly I hopped off the deck and into the sand. I walked until I stood in the sand beside her. She looked up at me, surprised, and taking her cigarette out of her mouth.

" Hey."

I didn't respond, and the expression on my face made her take a mental step back. She stood infront of me.

" What's going on?" she asked

" You tell me."

She looked genuinely confused at my words.

" Did you have any relationships after James?"

" No. Edward, I told you everything."

" Remember the day we went to the bar. Before we left, we were just talking about sexual encounters, joking around about experience. And Rosalie said you were a virgin and you left the room, I told her it wasn't nice and I went after you. You were embarassed and I told you that some guys are into girls are virgins. You thanked me..."

Suddenly something flashed in her eyes.

Realization.

" Who told you?" she said, her voice strained.

" Told me what? I thought you told me everything."

" It was one night. James hadn't been leaving me alone, he was relentlessly calling me, and finding me on campus. I was angry one night, and I went to a bar. It was convenient for me; seeing one of his best friends, Robert. I got really drunk, and we'd spent time together the day. Things went too far and I took him back to my apartment with me. We had sex, it meant nothing, and I regret giving my virginity to some guy...but I never really thought it counted. In the morning, I barely remembered what happened. All I knew, was that I was in pain. And he was really sweet about it, telling me he wouldn't tell James anything. Afterwards we both agreed we went too far and we'd forget about it. I told Alice what happened that morning once he left. And we've never brought it up."

" You could have fucking told me!" I exclaimed

" Why do you even care?"

" I care because you lied right to my face!"

" That doesn't explain anything! Why should you care if I had sex with someone? And where my virgin status is? It's none of your business!"

I glared at her. " Fuck this."

Without another word I headed back towards the house.

" STOP BEING SUCH A JEALOUS PRICK!" I heard her yell behind me.

I turned around, " I'd rather be a prick than a liar."

" Why do you act so jealous?"

" Jealous of what? I'm not fucking jealous of anything."

I walked into the house, slamming the sliding glass door behind me. Jasper took one look at me and then just laughed. I glared at him.

" Didn't go as expected? I must say, Edward, you play the jealous boyfriend part perfect without being the boyfriend."

" Fuck you."

" Why don't you tell her you like her already. You've been so moody." Jasper grumbled.

I flipped him the bird and dug into the fridge for a beer.

" Beer's don't fix everything."

I scoffed, " Worked for my dad."

" Well, fuck, dude. If your so worried about being like him, why are you acting like that?"

I shrugged, " Doesn't fucking matter."

" Well, I must say, Bella did a great job of screwing you up."

With one last glare I left the room. I heading upstairs to boot up my laptop. I'd been working good each week to write a thirty page paper in detail for one of my classes. This was going to be nothing compared to the hundred plus page paper I could have to write at the end of the four years before graduation.

My fingers typed away as the keys, the words flowing quickly. All of it really seemed to come easy for me, learning about everything that I would need to know to be able to become a doctor. Knowing the tools, learning everything...It never seemed to be as overwhelming as I used think it would be. All of it came naturally to me, like it was something that I fit in and should do.

I'd must have been so lost in my typing, because I heard a small rap on the door. I snapped out of my thoughts and turned in the chair. Bella stood by the door, and she did not look happy. Mostly annoyed.

" We are leaving right now to go mini golfing."

" Tell Alice I am taking a pass on that."

Bella opened her mouth, but another voice entirely rang out in the room.

" EDWARD ANTHONY! YOU ARE COMING WITH US! Why can't you just do this with us one time."

" I was with you guys all fucking day yesterday. I have homework to do, sorry if I want it to be fucking over with already. I'll go swimming with you all later."

" Edward!"

" We all know I won't miss seeing Jasper shirtless in shorts."

" You both are so gay."

I smiled at her, " Yeah, now close the fucking door. I'll see you later, pixie."

Instead of keeping myself locked in the house, I took my laptop out on the deck outside of my room. The air was nice, but it was really warm and it whisped around. There was an electrical plug outside, so I plugged in my laptop and set it in my lap to continue on with typing and reading.

I responded to an E-mail I got from Esme, she was just checking in and seeing how everybody was doing. They'd been safely home since yesterday, and I was not surprised that they wanted to know if everyone was getting along. After replying a brief message, I responded to an E-mail from my teacher.

Alot of them we're starting to give out e-mails about the residency. We would be at University of Washington Medical Center, which had extended out years ago to be a teaching hospital, but also a legit hospital.

In a group we would all be learning the same things, and in a year or so we would branch out into our own certain fields and go from there. I was excited about starting the residency. All of us have really done and learned the basics. Learning to take blood pressure, taking blood, how to give a standard examination (a physical), checking for broken bones, it was standard things to know, and even the most simple was the most important. Nobody could just fucking start doing shit to a person without checking, taking blood, and figuring out the issue at hand.

One of the example's they used was a women who was pregnant. Without asking questions or taking a bloodtest, and just blindly giving out anti-biotics, that could cost someone their medical lisence because it's recklessly treating a person. And at that, costs a life. Anybody who was that fucking stupid really shouldn't have gotten into Medical school in the first place.

They had basically engraved it into our brains that we had to check _everything. _

I think it was probably around three when they were back from mini golfing. Outside on the deck Rosalie stood, already in a Bright red and diamond studded bathing suit, it was so Rosalie. I rolled my eyes at her and shut my computer.

" Alice told me to come get you."

" Nice bathing suit."

She smiled, and infront of me started adjusting the top to make make her cleavage show even more. It was a good thing Rosalie was like a sister to me, because I knew that any other guy probably would have hopped on her like a fucking dog and humped her leg.

" Cool, now how about you go show that to Emmett." I said, laughing.

" Nah, I'd rather tan instead of having him take me inside. Now lets go!"

" I need to change. I'll be down in a fucking minute."

Rosalie left the room, swaying her hips dramatically. I rolled my eyes once more at her and shut the door, locking it. I stripped down and put on my bathing suit, throwing a light grey wifebeater on. White was see-through when wet, not going there.

I headed downstairs and grabbed a towel, and as I walked outside, I saw Alice had already prepared herself and everyone else with snacks and drinks. There was a huge pitcher of pink lemonade, and there was two big bowls filled with chips. Lays and Doritos from what I noticed. And there was also a plate of nacho's, which I guessed we're Emmett's.

I stepped out onto the deck and suddenly stopped right in my tracks.

Tiny. Fucking. Dark Blue. Bathing suit.

I looked away, taking a deep breath and not trying to...react. But fuck did she look gorgeous. I wanted to grab and maul her, repeatedly. I wanted to run my hands all over her body. I let out a small groan and slid the sliding glass door closed.

" Yay!" Alice said, clapping her hands and prancing around in a bubble gum pink bikini.

" The water is really warm, and there are some great waves out there!"

I set my towel down and headed down by the sand. Rosalie was laying outstretched on a towel, and Jasper was oddly laying next to her, looking upwards with sunglasses on.

" Working on your tan, Jazzy?" I jokingly asked.

" Yeah, and you should get your pasty white ass over here."

" I'm irish, they have trouble tanning."

" That's bullshit."

" That's the fucking truth. Red hair green eyes dipshit."

" I think it the tan would clash with your hair." Alice said, sitting next to Rosalie.

" Yeah, because I care about it ' clashing with my hair '."

She shrugged and I looked out into the ocean, Emmett was flailing around like a five year old, and Rosalie was laughing her heart out watching him before she decided to go in. Alice said that she didn't want to mess up her hair, which was stupid, but I didn't care.

I went into the water until I was waist deep, feeling the warm water slosh against my skin. A wave came towards me, washing over me, and I went underneath the water, swimming further and further into the clear blue. I could see the sand on the way bottom.

When I came up for air. I saw a surf board sailing towards me, compliments of Emmett. The waves were pretty impressive today, and I haven't surfed in ages. I grabbed onto the board, laying on my stomach and paddling out. I had linked the ankle cuff to me already, so the surf board wouldn't disappear.

I really think the sport is something with balance and talent. Not really something easy to learn. If you got it; you got it, if you don't; you don't.

I looked out onto the water, and noticed it pulling back a bit and raising. Of course this would be an awesome tube, I just hoped I could do this shit. I moved until I was standing steadily on the board, and I heard Alice yell out something at me along the lines of, ' You can do it!'.

I concentrated on the water and I felt it forming until the wave was over me. I surfed along, my hand reached out to touch the water on the side. I was surprised that it came back so damn naturally. It was fucking exhilarating, calming. All too soon it ended as the water was faster than I was, and it covered me. I jumped off the board before I fucking fell off, and hit the water.

When I came up for air, they were all clapping for me. Suddenly I noticed Alice in the water, which surprised me. She was swimming towards me, and I looked at her.

" Can you do that with me on it?"

Two people, hell no.

" We could try, but here, you've got to hop on, straddle the board."

Alice did exactly as I said, not complaining about her dark hair that was flattened down around her face. I straddled the board about a foot behind her, not wanting the board to be out of balance.

" So, I heard you and Bella were fighting."

" Jasper should create his own Gossip Magazine."

She laughed, " No... But I heard it was about Bella's virgin status. I talked about it with her at the mini golf field."

I shrugged, " She lied, end of story."

" Your both very stubborn, you have that in common. Now why don't you just grab her and kiss her already. I can tell you both want to be together."

I chuckled, staring out into the water.

" If only it were that fucking easy, Alice. If only."

" It's only as hard as you make it." she murmured.

I noticed a small wave, and I stood up, helping Alice hop up. I held onto her small hips, making sure she was stilled, because she was all wobbly. Finally I just held her back against my stomach, keeping both of our hands together, she seemed to be steady that way.

The board moved slower with more weight, and I had to do more work moving it around as a small wave came along. Right when Alice felt the movement fiercely under the board, she yelped and tumbled over into the water, which made me fall because I'd been holding her.

When I came up for water, I spat out the salty liquid. Alice was frowning.

" If you didn't fucking freak out over a wave you could have been fine."

" That was so much fun!"

I laughed, " Anybody else want a turn?"

I saw Rosalie shove Bella in the water. I noticed her hair was piled ontop of her head in a bun, and she looked completely sexy with her neck exposed. I just wanted to kiss it.

" Bella wants to. She just said it."

" I don't." she said firmly.

" It's alot of fun, just do it."

When she finally relented, I instructed her to sit on the board, just like Alice did. Down more east of the beach were many other surfers riding tubes, and I knew one was coming our way, small fucking chance we could get through it nice.

As I felt the familar pull on the water, I stood, helping Bella up. She was resistant with my hands on her mostly exposed body. I leaned forward, my lips brushing her ear.

Suddenly I wasn't so fucking pissed at her.

" Relax, it's just me." I whispered.

For a moment she was even more tense, but slowly started to relax. I moved my legs around more, riding along surprisingly steady as I felt the wave slowly build up over us.

" Holy shit." Bella whispered.

I kept going on going, and I reached out Bella and I's linked hands, letting it graze the water. I was able to keep riding it for a good long moment, before it took over and we were in the water off the board. I made sure to hang onto her, not wanting her to get lost or left behind.

I came up from the water, pulling Bella up to breath. She broke the water, taking a deep breath.

" Wow, that was..."

" Did you have fun?"

" Yeah," she nodded. " Thanks."

I watched as she took laps away. I laid on my back on the board, staring up at the sky and letting the water take me as it wished. Although I knew I was working closer towards the shore.

I really wanted to talk to her, tell her that it did make me jealous that someone saw her like that. But I was still a little bit upset that she lied to me, because lying was just another fucking level of things. I didn't want lies, I wanted truth. Complete truth.

When I was close to the shore, I unclasped the ankle cuff and laid the board in the sand. I noticed Bella smoking a cigarette on the deck, and I walked over to her. She was sitting in a chair, towel wrapped around her. I used the towel to dry off and sat in the chair closest to her.

" I'm really sorry for this afternoon. I was out of fucking line."

She said nothing.

" Look, Bella...I just...I've been lied to by people that I cared about, and I just did think that you would lie to me. But I shouldn't expect that."

" I'm sorry I lied to you, I really am. I just...I didn't want to have to say I did, and then tell everyone that I was drunk when it happened. That would have been a worse lie if I just made up a story, so I just went with what Rosalie said."

" Why didn't you just tell me when I came after you, just said it was a lie."

" Because I didn't want to tell you how it happened."

" Bella, I wouldn't have expected you to."

" I just thought...Look, I'm really sorry for lying, I'm really really sorry. Can we just forget about this, put it behind us."

I reached my hand out and brushed my fingers along her fingers that lay on the table. She smiled and handed me her cigarette, letting me take a drag. We shared it back and forth until we hit the filter. Bella disposed of it and poured a glass of the pink lemonade.

We both headed back down by the others in the sand. They had stabbed an umbrella into the ground, a rather tall one, and I sat in a low chair next to Bella, everyone else was in the sunlight, but I didn't really want the fucking heat. She had her towel draped across her lap, but I could see her exposed from the waist up, with the tiny dark blue triangle shaped bikini top.

I'll even admit that her boobs looked great. Beyond spectacular.

She had a book with her, it was Harry Potter from what I took notice from. I sat back quietly, looking at the beautiful scenery around me, specifically the brunette women next to me.

~\\~

All in all, I actually had a good fucking time with them. Besides tanning, and sitting in the shade, we had all gone in the water, and Emmett convinced us with an epic battle of Chicken. Bella on my shoulders, wearing a bathing suit...I was in.

I made sure to keep my grip on her firm, because we were going to win. And we did win in the end. Alice was the easiest, and Rosalie was tough, and I stumbled a few times, but we ultimately won, which didn't really hold any prize, just bragging rights. Rosalie was bitter, she was one of those girls that hates losing.

The sun slowly started going down, another good day coming to another fucking end. It was a damn good day, besides earlier today, it would have been a damn great day, but it was still just as good. Everyone went inside for a shower, and I was the last out of the water, the sun was mostly down, but it was still somewhat light, just barely.

Bella was sitting in the sand quietly, and I scooted over next to her, she looked to be in thought.

My eyes wandered down her body, and I noticed she had put on a pair of shorts, and white flip flops. Her hair was still up in a messy bun, a few curled pieces hanging down and framing her face.

She was beautiful.

And exactly what I wanted to be mine.

Her hand laid in the sand, and without much hesitance, I reached out to grasp it in mine. She linked her fingers through mine, looking over at me with her beautiful chocolate eyes. Maybe she was as lost as I was at what to do.

She slowly lifted our linked hands between us, still looking at me. The electric sparks shot up my arm, the amazing feeling I felt everytime we touched.

" What are we doing?" she asked me, laughing slightly.

I scooted closer to her, turning my body to face hers. She did the same, moving her legs around mine. We sat side by side, on different angles. Her hip brushed mine, but she faced the opposite direction I did.

I reached my hand up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

" I don't have any idea." I responded, " All I know is that... This spark; it isn't going away."

I used my free hand to lift up and gently touch her jaw. Her hand rested on the side of my neck, her body leaning towards me, as well as her face.

" Think we'll get interrupted this time?" she whispered.

"No."

**Authors Note- Damn, I am queen of the mother-freaking cliff hangers right now. Especially with the whole ' I don't know when I am going to update ', I don't know, sometimes I have to force these out, but this chapter was just not letting me stop. Bitchin' if you ask me.**

**Last Week's Question (My answer)- Ever been to an Amusement Park? If so, what is is called, where is it located?**

**Actually, I have not been to an amusement park. I live a closed off life.**

**This Week's Question- What's your icecream sundae of choice? Details!**

**Let me know what your thinking!**


	16. Exploring

**Authors Note- Hello everyone. Good weekend I presume? I hope so.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

" Think we'll get interrupted this time?" she whispered.

"No."

I slowly leaned closer to Bella, and finally I pressed my lips firmly to hers.

It almost felt like little tingling sparks between our lips, crackling and setting me on fire.

Her lips were so fucking soft, and they molded perfectly against mine. I felt her body move until I could feel her seating herself in my lap, her legs on either side of me. Her arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me as close as she could to her.

I ran my hand up and down her arm, not wanting to touch anything else and get too personal. I moved my lips against hers, which moved insync with me. Kissing her felt so good. I parted my lips, as she did hers and I could taste her minty breath in my mouth, my tongue brushed hers. A moan sounded in the air, and I felt her body completely wrap itself around me, her arms holding me as close as she could and her legs clenching against my thighs.

I wrapped my left arm around her waist, using my free hand on the back of her neck. She sighed into my mouth and scraped her fingernails against my scalp.

That shit felt so good, I moaned into her mouth.

I ran my hand up her mostly bare back, the skin silky smooth.

Her tiny body was hot against mine, and her skin was so soft and creamy. She felt so comfortable in my arms, a natural feeling. I started slowing down our kiss before I pulled away, chastely kissing her lips.

Her fingers were still in my hair, and I rested my head on her shoulder, squeezing my arms around her tighter. She scraped her fingernails on my scalp again, and I fought another moan. Pulling away from her, I stared into her brown eyes.

My hand rested on her leg, and I heard her intake of breath before I pressed my lips firmly against hers, using my other hand to press on the back of her neck, holding her to me. The way her body reacted to me was satisfying. It was like her body shifted knowing how I wanted to feel her, we were insync. I could feel the passion coursing through my veins.

I slowly pulled away and stood up, bringing her with me. She held onto me, never letting me go and gave me a breath-taking smile. Her body molded to mine, and I felt her lips on my jaw, humming against my skin.

It was funny how I literally had to bend down to lift her up to kiss her. She was so short and tiny, but absolutely perfect. I leaned against the skinny palm tree, her two lips sucking my bottom one into her mouth.

I have no idea what guy could mess something up something with her, and give up this. Fuck she was addicting.

" Oh! There you two are, we were going t-...watch some movies?"

Abruptly I set Bella down, and she gasped in surprise. I looked at Alice, who had a wide grin on her face. She slowly backed away, before running into the house quickly. Bella leaned into my side.

" She's going to tell everyone."

" Don't worry about it.

We walked into the house, and Bella never dropped her arm. They were all gathered in the living room, looking like the cat that got the canary. I rolled my eyes at them, and I felt Bella tug slightly on my hand.

" We'll be right back." I said.

Bella literally pulled me into the hallway, she looked a little confused, but a little worried at the same time. I clasped her hand firmly in mine, staring down at her.

" I don't want them to ruin anything."

" What do you mean?" I said, whispering back to her.

" If they make comments, I don't want it to ruin what just happened."

" Nothing will be fucking ruined."

She smiled just the slightest, standing up on her tip toes and pressing her lips to mine. I didn't seem to be the only one who was addicted. I pressed her against the wall, gently biting her top lip. I wanted to just say fuck the movie, and take this girl upstairs with me, but I knew I couldn't do that. We'd kissed for the first time not even ten minutes ago, and I really didn't think Bella would go for what I had in mind.

I kissed her jaw gently, running my hands over her curves.

" Enough of that, we want to watch the movie."

" Start without us." I said to Jasper, pulling away from her.

He laughed, " Please, just get your lovey asses in there."

With that he walked away, I moved away from Bella and walked towards the living room. She looked at me for a moment before following. I sat on the couch and Bella sat next to me, but keeping somewhat of distance infront of them.

" What are we watching?"

" Wedding Crashers."

When Alice hit the lights, everyone seated themselves as they wished, Emmett sitting as close to the popcorn bowl as he could. Bella and I were seated farthest away from them on the couch, and I could feel them staring at us.

The only light in the house was from the television, and I relaxed, watching the screen. Emmett was whistling when the part with the naked women's breasts came on screen, and Rosalie thumped him on his head hard. I was barely paying attention to the screen, I was too busy looking at Bella.

To Bella's right there was another space on the leather couch that extended to stretch out on, making the 'L' shape. I scooted over, and Bella moved towards me. Exhaustion hit me like fucking bricks, and I wanted some damn sleep tonight.

I stretched my legs out along the couch, Bella laid out along the 'L' the part of the couch that extended, her legs stretched out but she was still sitting up. Hesitantly I rested my head in her lap, and I felt her fingers tangle in my hair.

It felt so fucking good, that I could feel it lulling me into sleep.

~\\~

" Edward...Edward, wake up."

I sighed, ignoring the voice and snuggling my face deeper into the pillow.

" Here, I'll grab him." I heard a voice say.

" No! No...I'll wake him up it's fine."

I heard a long sigh and then familar fingers in my hair. My hands grasped at what my head was laying on, and I felt movement.

" Edward, the movie is over. You should sleep in your bed, it's more comfortable."

With a deep breath, I heaved myself up and sighed. I then realized I had my head in Bella's lap, quietly I apologized and she smiled at me.

" It's okay. Come on."

I stood up with a deep yawn, tossing the blanket that was on me at the couch. I walked upstairs, heading for the bedroom. Before opening the door, I stopped and looked over at Bella. I reached for her hand, and she took mine. I pulled her closer and leaned down to kiss her chastely. I took note she was still wearing her bathing suit and shorts.

" Goodnight." I whispered.

" Night." Bella replied, walking into the bedroom and closing the door with one last smile.

I stepped into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me and stripped off my clothes. I changed into a pair of flannel pants and a wifebeater, glad to be out of the swimming trunks. Before going into bed I brushed my teeth, and then got in.

The sheets were fucking freezing, but I enjoyed it.

I wondered if Bella was going over everything that happened today, or tonight. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that we had kissed, of course we never got time to actually talk about this was, but in the morning I would make sure to catch her somehow, and ask her what the fuck we were. I wanted to call her mine.

I only hoped that she wanted that, too.

~\\~

Waking up in the morning, that was a surprise.

Was it even morning? It was still dark in the room.

I felt a hand on my arm, gently shaking. With an annoyed groan I shook it off and rolled over, hoping it would go away, but then I felt it on my shoulder, and then someone whispering my name into my ear.

" Hmm, what? Is there a fucking fire?" I asked, my voice gravely with sleep.

Then I realized that the voice was Bella, and I slowly sat up, wiping the sleep from my eyes before opening them. She was wearing a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt, with a pair of blue and white gym shoes on. I looked at her, wondering why the hell she was waking me up.

I glanced over at the clock, seeing that it was five fifty eight in the morning. I looked over at her incredulously.

" If this is a rare occurance..."

" I wanted to watch the sunrise with you, I was hoping we could talk."

Was this girl serious?

" Please." she whispered.

With a deep sigh I got out of bed, pulling my shirt that had ridden up, down. Bella was staring at me, smiling brightly. Her hair was up in a high ponytail, and I noticed how tight those damn shorts were on her slim legs.

" Unless you want to watch me change my fucking pants, I suggest you step out."

Blush spread across her cheeks and she darted through the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. I rolled my eyes, grabbing a pair of pants from the drawer. I felt like shit because I was exhausted, but this girl had me wrapped around her fucking finger already.

After changing my pants, I put on a fresh wife beater and a white button up with the sleeves rolled up to my elbow. I opened the bathroom door, and turned around to grab my shoes. Bella stepped back into the room, and I laced up my boots. Once I was finished, I ran my hands through my hair and brushed my teeth.

Afterwards, I walked back into my room.

" Ready?" she asked me.

" Yeah, and this better be worth it."

She smiled, " It will be, come on."

I felt her hand brush against mine, and I grasped it, following her downstairs and outside in the back. We headed left into the forest, and I noticed it raised up onto a hill. Bella stumbled a little bit, over rocks and shit, but I fucking caught her each time.

Suddenly, Bella tripped forward, and I didn't have time to catch her. She landed on the ground and I quickly helped her up.

" Come on, hop on." I said, bending my knee's down.

" Edwa-"

" Just fucking do it before you kill yourself." I said with a chuckle.

She hopped onto my back, locking her legs and arms around me. I felt like I was carrying a bag of feathers, she was very light. I kept walking, listening to where she directed me. I could feel her breath on my neck, and every few minutes she would kiss the back of my neck.

" So, you wake me up wanting to watch the fucking sunrise, and I have to carry you there, exhausted."

" Hey! You said that I should get on."

I smiled, " Just fucking with you."

" Oh! Right here!"

Abruptly I stopped, and it was an open clearing. Looking out, I could see the sunrise perfectly. I set her down on the ground, balanced and still. She smiled, looking out at the sunrise. Tiredly I sat on the grass, Bella sat next to me, linking her hand with mine.

" Last night was really...great." Bella started.

I glanced over at her.

" I just...I don't want you to feel like we have to put a label on it."

" Bella, do you believe I feel pressured into a relationship because we kissed?"

She nodded, " It's just...I know that alot of your life you were told what to do, you were pushed around and...I don't want to do that to you."

" Bella, it took me a year to be confident in myself. I don't fucking let anybody push me into shit I don't want to do. If I didn't want to kiss you yesterday, I would have just pushed you the fuck away and said no. I know what I want, and that's you."

Her arms wrapped around my waist, and she rested her head on my chest. I ran my fingers through her hair, kissing the top of her head.

" I want you, too."

I looked out at the sun, seeing the orange, gold, pink and blues mixed together in the sky. I knew now why she wanted me out here, because it was beautiful and she wanted to share it with me. She turned around in my arms, locking her arms around my neck and leaning forward against me, her chest against mine. I wrapped my arms around her waist.

She felt so warm against me, despite the cold morning air. I played with the hem of the sweatshirt, and she raised an eyebrow.

" Trying to get clothes off so soon are you, Mr. Masen?"

I smiled sheepishly and she pressed herself against me.

The force of her body against me pushed me onto my back, and she took advantage of that situation, straddling my lap, which probably wasn't such a great idea. I grasped her hips and lifted her up a bit, sitting up and then putting her in my lap.

" Hm..."

I pressed a kiss to her neck, kissing up and down the column of her neck and her collarbone. I worked my way up to her jaw, gently nipping at the skin. I wrapped my left arm around her waist, and the other curled around her upwards to rest on the back of her neck. Her lips were very soft, the bottom one slightly more plump than the top.

Her fingers twisted in my hair, tugging and pulling. I turned my head to the side, licking her bottom lip. The moment her lips parted I slipped my tongue into her mouth, exploring inside. She tasted like mint and the faint taste of strawberry gum. I stroked her tongue against mine, moving my hand down to rest on her waist, gently running my hand up and down.

Slowly I pulled away from her, and she clasped her hands behind my neck, smiling.

She looked out at the sky. " It's beautiful isn't it."

" Pales in comparison to you."

The words slipped out before I realized how damn cheesy they sounded.

A light pink blush swept across her cheeks, and she looked at me.

" Your sweet. Now, I don't know about you, but I am exhausted."

" Oh, _you_ are exhausted."

She laughed and jumped up, running down hill and dodging tree's. I chased after her, gaining up and she let out a scream, trying to be faster. Just as I was about to reach her, I saw her look back to see how close I was.

" I was in track!"

" I'm still faster!"

Her head turned and she quickened her pace, I wondered how in the hell she could run like this, when she couldn't even walk without tripping on roots and twigs. Then their was the sound of a bird chirping, and Bella turned her head.

Then, I saw a tree in her path, and she was going straight for it. I had to fucking stop her.

" Bella! Stop." I yelled.

It was too late, the girl ran straight into the tree and flew backwards on the ground. She let out a pained moan and I stopped beside her.

" FUCK!" I yelled.

She was on her back, groaning and had her hand on her forehead. I wrapped my arms around her, sitting her up. The twigs had cut up her legs a bit, and she would need a few bandaids. I sat her up in my lap, her back against my chest. I rubbed my hands up and down her arms, trying to make her more alert.

" Come on, Bella. Open your eyes." I said, loud enough to let her hear me.

" My head."

She put her hand down, and I saw blood on it. I started unbuttoning my button up shirt, once it was off I ripped a piece of the fabric off, turning her in my arms. Her head rested on my shoulder, and I looked at the cut that was at her temple. It was about an inch long, along her hairline. I dabbed it with my shirt.

" Oh, Bella." I whispered.

" I can't believe I ran into a damn tree." she said, looking at me with an embarassed expression.

I smiled, " Your the worlds biggest klutz. It's fucking funny, but I wish you didn't hurt yourself."

I dabbed the blood more until it started to dry up. Wrapping my arms around her, I picked her tiny body into my arms and carried her back towards the beach house, wanting to spend more time around here but wanting to get her to the beach hour. She whispered things in my ear, what she thought of me when she first saw me and how much she wanted to kiss me the other night.

I'd never met a girl like her before. Someone that cared about what I had to say, and didn't just want to have sex with me and have me please them. I enjoyed Bella, she was refreshing and entirely too gorgeous.

She didn't need makeup on her to make her look pretty, a natural beauty. And all fucking mine.

When we got back to the beach house, we walked back in. It was seven fourty two, they were all still sleeping. I wish I was still in my damn bed. I set Bella on the counter and went to the bathroom to get a few things to clean her up with..

I grabbed an anti-bacterial spray and some bandaids, along with a tube of cream for the cuts. She lifted her leg out, and I cleaned the cuts and put bandaids on them. I put a bandaid over the cut on her wrist, and then stood between her legs to take care of the gash on her temple along her hair line. I pushed her hair away, and she winced slightly. I sprayed a towel with the anti-bacterial spray and gently washed away the dried blood. She kept her eyes closed tightly the entire time. It wasn't deep enough for stitches. After I cleaned it up, I put cream on it, trying to keep her hair out of it.

She grabbed a ponytail from her wrist, pulling the hair back. I kissed her nose and picked her up, setting her down on the floor.

" Come on." she whispered.

I let her lead me upstairs, and I had already tossed my torn bloodied shirt in the trash. She opened her bedroom door, letting me inside. The room was drenched in her scent; Vanilla, strawberries and mint.

Bella lazily tossed her shoes on the floor, stripping off her sweatshirt to reveal a fitted dark blue shirt, v-neck. She tossed her covers back and sat on the mattress, rubbing her hands over her face.

" Want to take a nap with me?" she asked.

Uhm...Fuck yeah.

I slipped my boots off and she scooted over, giving me room to lay. I sat down, stretching my legs out, and she tossed the blanket over both of us, twisting her body to the side to put her arm around my waist and laying down, I followed, laying on my back. She was leaning against my side, head head resting gently on my chest.

I rubbed her back softly, and she leaned closer towards me. I held her in my arms, and soon I heard her even breathing. For awhile I just stared at her.

No fucking clue how I deserved someone like her, but I thank god for whatever the hell I did to deserve her.

~\\~

Dream Flashback

~\\~

My heart beat was quick, and I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that if I couldn't see anything, he couldn't see me. I would be invisable. My arms wrapped tighter around my legs, and I wanted to be more compact, so he couldn't find me.

I clamped my hand over my mouth, trying to breathe quietly. When I heard the footsteps, my eyes clenched tighter. They were closer and closer, his gruff voice saying my name loudly. When I heard the door slide open, my heart stopped for a moment.

" Your ten years old, Edward. Your too little to be hiding in a fucking closet!"

My body shook, and I felt him cower over me. He grasped me by the shirt, pulling me forward and shoving me down onto the hardwood floor that I had just cleaned. I hit the floor with a loud 'smack', and I gasped. His shoe jerked forward, and he slugged me harshly in the stomach. I coughed, and he kicked me again, blood came out, splattering on his penny loafers. I didn't mean to.

" You little fucker! These are newly shined!"

~\\~

End of Dream Flashback

~\\~

I awoke with a start, sitting up quickly in bed. I was sweating, I could feel the drops running down my temple. I caught my breath, trying to calm myself down. When I looked over, I saw Bella sitting up in bed on the opposite side, watching me. She looked scared.

I clenched my eyes shut, internally swearing at myself. I knew that when I had nightmares I jerked around, would sweat, I would grip the sheets and sometimes even cry out. I didn't want her to see that shit.

" Bella, I'm sorry." I whispered, sitting up and rubbing my hands over my face.

" A-Are you okay?" she asked in a strained whisper.

" Their just nightmares, Bella. I'm sorry you had to...I'll just go."

She grasped my arm before I moved. " I didn't know if I should wake you up. Do you want to talk about it?"

" No."

Bella nodded and I glanced over at the clock. It was just past ten.

" Did I wake you up?"

" You were struggling a bit. I felt you jerk against me and I awoke."

" Fuck, did I hit you?"

She shook her head, " No, I'm okay. I was just worried about you."

" I'm okay. I apologize for that. It hasn't happened in awhile."

" Don't apologize, it's alright."

Her head rested on my shoulder, and I felt her rub my arm up and down gently. I tossed the blanket completely off of me, and slipped out of the bed. I sighed, stretching my limbs. Bella sat at the edge of the bed, and I leaned forward to give her a gentle kiss.

She sighed into my mouth before pulling away. " I'm here if you want to talk. Okay?"

" Yeah. I'm just going to get in the shower, okay?"

Bella nodded and I left the room, shutting the bathroom door and locking both. I stripped down and got into the shower, washing up quickly. The woodsy scent went down the drain, and I was happy about that. I hoped Bella didn't give a shit that her left side of the bed smells like the woods.

After I was finished, I got out of the shower and went into my room, drying off and changing my clothes. I tried to tame my hair, but it had a fucking mind of it's own. I would be there for a damn week if I tried to make it more controlled. I put on some cologne after putting on a white wifebeater, a grey pullover hoodie, jeans, and my black boots.

When I got downstairs, I noticed Alice making her little pizza pockets. They are cheese and arugala filled pockets, with a pizza like homemade dough on the outside. Inside the cheese is parmesan and mozzarella, and slightly wilted arugala. I wouldn't even call them pizza pockets, they have no fucking sauce. They are really damn good, and easily made. I grabbed one from the plate and bit into it. As I pulled it away, the cheese went with it. I shoved the rest into my mouth and Alice rolled her eyes.

" Boys." she said, shaking her head.

" Fucking delicious, thanks, Alice."

" Sleep good?" she asked, a little twinkle in her eye.

I rolled my eyes, " Yeah, until I was woken up at six by your friend."

" You mean, _your girlfriend_?"

" Mmm, okay. But yeah, took a nice nap afterwards also. Would you like to ask my _girlfriend _about that?"

" Of course. Girls have girl talk!"

I sat down next to Jasper, grabbing another little cheese pocket. About twenty minutes later Bella entered the room.

" What have you got here, Alice?"

" Just some cheese filled delicious-ness!" she chirped.

Bella laughed and grabbed one, biting straight into it. She swallowed the large bite and looked over at Alice.

" These are really good." she stated, taking a seat the head of the table, leaning back.

" Thank you! And did you sleep well?"

It was like Bella knew exactly what she was getting at, " Perfect."

Alice cocked her head to the side. " What is on your temple? Oh my god, is it bleeding?"

" No, no. Calm down. I just...nothing. I just fell and cut it. No big deal."

" You should have Edward look at it. What the hell happened?"

Bella sighed. " He did, and it's fine."

Alice glared at her.

" She ran into a tree this morning. We took a walk in the woods, and she had been running and not paying attention."

Emmett clasped his hand over his mouth, trying hard not to laugh. Jasper started laughing hysterically, and Rosalie was laughing, her body quaking. Alice cracked a smile and Bella glared at them, reaching into her pocket for a cigarette.

" Your all mean."

" Why the hell were you running Bella?" Emmett asked.

" It's Edward's fault, he was chasing after me. I turned my head to see where he was, and I hit the tree."

" Nice going, Edward. I thought you were supposed to help people, not harm them."

" It's not like I fucking pushed her into the damn tree, the girl slammed into it. Don't make me look shitty!"

Bella laughed, taking a drag of her cigarette.

" Uck, do that stuff outside!" Alice complained.

" Emmett, is that can of soda empty?" Bella asked.

Emmett nodded, and Bella reached over and grabbed it. The entire table got a good flash of Bella's cleavage. Emmett stared, and I kicked him under the table, and Rosalie slapped him on the back of the head.

" Emmett Cullen." Rosalie spat.

" It was right there!"

Bella tapped the ash into the empty can. " What did he do?"

" Nothing." Emmett said quickly.

I glared at him.

" He was staring at your boobs when you bent over, Bella." Jasper said bluntly, grabbing another cheese pocket.

Bella coughed and blushed a bright cherry red. I leaned back in my chair, trying to stop my laughs from her reaction. She zipped her black hoodie up all the way, covering up her chest completely. I smiled at her, standing up to grab a water from the fridge.

When I sat back down, Bella glanced over at me. The look on her face was pure adoration, which was very...different. I smiled at her and I heard someone fake gagging beside me.

" Ugh, why don't you just start taking eachothers clothes off."

" Who cares, Call of Duty, lets go." Jasper said, bolting for the living room.

" Boys...Well fine, today we can be lazy, but tomorrow we are going shopping!"

**Authors Note-**

**So...what did you think? Good? Not good? Everything you wanted and more? Well, cranked it out the best I could, I hoped you all liked it. Small time speed up next chapter, not too drastic.**

**Last Week's Question ( My Answer)- What's your icecream sundae of choice? Details!**

**Got crickets for this one, but I'll give my answer.**

**Well...Soft serve vanilla icecream with hot fudge, toasted peanuts, whipped cream and a cherry. Very classic and to the point.**

**THIS WEEK'S QUESTION!- What was the worst injury you've ever gotten?**

**Answer the question if you wish, and I will see you all next time. Leave your thoughts!**


	17. Happiness

**Authors Note- I know, it's kinda been awhile...**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

July 1st

1 Week Later

~\\~

" Get Rose." Alice whispered from beside me, pressed against the side of the house. I glided along the beach quietly, not making one little sound and careful not to.

I looked back at Alice, she was going straight for Bella. Alice walked over to me and both of us crept down the beach quietly, they were both looking at some magazine, and had their sun glasses on, decked out in their bathing suits and everything.

This morning Emmett, Jasper and I got up early and filled up water balloons, planning on ambushing the girls. Alice came downstairs, saying that she woke up alone and came down to make sure everything was okay when she saw Jasper wasn't in bed or the bathroom.

And that's how she became part of the plan. In my holey jeans, and black wifebeater, I strode towards the two girls. I was slightly distracted by how Bella looked in that bikini, but I snapped myself out of it. Emmett and Jasper came out from either side of the beach house, taking their place besides Alice and I.

When we were about four feet away from the oblivious Rosalie and Bella, we grabbed balloons from the small buckets each of us had, launching it at them. Bella let out a high pitched scream at the freezing cold water hitting her skin, and I reached into the bucket, grabbing more. There was also water in the bucket, so that they could float and wouldn't be smashed and burst.

" STOP!" Rosalie screeched as Jasper smacked one on the back of her head, getting her hair soaked with the water. We kept going until there was none left, and they both stood, dripping wet and cold.

Bella looked at me, looking like a cat that just got dunked in water. I smiled at her.

" Edward." she said in a tiny voice.

" Ooh, don't guilt trip me. That was fucking awesome, admit it."

Before I had time to blink, Bella was infront of me, grabbing the bucket out of my hands. She tossed the water all over me, the water soaking through my jeans and shirt. I glared at her and she cocked her head to the side, smiling at me.

" Your a wicked little thing aren't you?"

" I have no idea what your talking about."

" Okay. Well, I can play fucking games, too."

I grabbed Jasper's bucket, launching the water right back at Bella. She screamed at the cold hose water, and it dripped all over her body. That was probably a mistake, she looked fucking sexy. I set the bucket down.

" Now, we are even."

" Even! I got back at you for throwing water balloons at us. We are so not even."

" Hm, I think we are. Now if you'll excuse me. My clothes are fucking wet, and I need to change."

" Well, thanks to you, I'm also wet!"

For a moment everybody paused, and then Emmett started laughing very obnoxiously loud. I glared hard at him, and Rosalie smacked him upside the head. That was uncalled for, even for Emmett. I mean seriously.

" Ha fucking ha, jackass. Shut up."

" All protective boyfriend, are you?"

" No, I just call you out when I know your being a fucking jackass. Uncalled for."

I grabbed a towel that was laying on the table once I reached the deck, drying off the best I could so that I wouldn't get the floor in the house soaked. I tossed the towel down and headed into the house. As I walked up the stairs and was in the hallway. I heard tiny footsteps behind me. Before I had a chance to turn around and see who it was, I felt someone jump onto my fucking back, clinging.

I knew almost immediatly that it was Bella.

She seemed to be a very...playful person in a relationship. I'd never seen her like she is around me, when she is with Alice. Of course she is fun, but so far just spending time with just her and I, she was very happy and playful. She wasn't afraid to push my buttons it seems, and I don't seem to be finding myself so lost in my thoughts, I have my moments, but she always seems to be around me.

Of course, she doesn't seem damn clingy at all. Which I was really kind of glad for, she'd been in a relationship before, but Tanya when we first started dating was clingy, as was Victoria. I never knew if it was because the relationship was fucking new, or if they just wanted to prove they were into me. Bella just showed me that she liked me in different ways, not just physical, which is mostly why I liked her, she was so fucking different.

" Hello." she whispered in my ear.

I grabbed onto her, not wanting her to fall off of me. I walked into my bedroom and deposited her on my bed. She squealed.

" I don't want to get your bed wet. My bathing suit is soaked!"

Bella hopped off the bed, and I looked over at her, she was only in her bathing suit, she must have been a little cold. I went over to her, wrapping my arms around her waist.

" Cold! Edward!"

I kissed her cheek and she walked into the bathroom, groaning when she looked into the mirror.

" My hair is a mess." she said, running a brush through her tangled locks.

" You look beautiful."

She smiled at me. " Thanks, I'm going to just change now. I'm really cold."

As she changed, I did the same. Wet denim was not comfortable. I changed my entire attire, the water had soaked through my boxers, and everything was just fucking wet. I tossed the clothes in the hamper, putting on a pair of boxers, jeans, a wifebeater and a black/grey button up. I put my boots back on and walked from my bedroom downstairs.

" Hey! We were going to take a walk down by the Pier and go shopping. Your going to come, right?" Alice asked as I stepped down from the last stair.

" Yeah, sure. Probably don't have a fucking choice do I?"

" Of course not! BELLA! GET DOWN HERE!"

I rolled my eyes and walked into the kitchen. Rosalie was already out of her bathing suit, and in clean clothes. How her out of all of them could do it, I have no idea. Emmett was sitting on the couch, battling Jasper in Call of Duty.

" Do you ever get tired of that damn game? It seems like every minute of it you can get in, you play."

" Because it's awesome."

I sighed and went to the kitchen, grabbing a coke. I leaned back against the counter.

I guess I didn't understand because I never had freedom like that as a child. I knew Jasper lived in a strict house, but I know he wasn't abused or anything, just had a very strong, structured family. So of course when he got to play video games, he probably jumped at the chance as a kid. I had no idea what a game console was until I saw them at the Cullen's. Never had I touched or seen one.

Kids in school talked about them, but I never understood at all what they hell talked about. They could have been talking in fucking chinese for all I knew. But I never had the sense of being deprived when it came to having things. Maybe when it came down to being able to go out and do whatever. But for awhile I was under the impression that the life I had was like that for almost all children.

Only when I had realized that, I wasn't exactly a happy person. I always wondered why someone who was supposed to love someone, hurt them so badly. How he could lay in bed at night, and soundly sleep. How many of those nights I wish I could go in there and just...kill him. Slaughter him.

" Edward!"

I shook my head, looking over at Alice.

" Your eyes were like glazing over. You okay?"

" Just thinking."

She looked over at me warily. " Seems not to be happening as often atleast."

I shrugged.

" Hey, you basically screamed my name. What's up?" Bella asked, walking into the kitchen.

" Were going to walk to the Pier. And across the beach, shop a little bit."

" Oh, okay. But I am not buying anything, the shopping trip was quite enough."

Alice pouted.

" Not all of our daddy's are rich, Alice. I pay for all my own expenses."

" Oh, we both know Charlie has offered to give you money, Bella."

She rolled her eyes, " He doesn't make that much, Alice. Just enough to pay all the bills."

" What does your dad do?" I asked.

Bella's eyes flickered to me. " He's a police man."

I nodded and Alice laughed loudly. " Better watch out, Edward. Dating a cops daughter."

" Not like I've done anything that could land me in jail, Alice."

" Not in that sense. A ' you hurt my little girl and I am getting out my rifle'."

" Dammit, Alice. It's a shotgun." Bella joked. " And he doesn't care."

" Oh, he doesn't? Remember when you called me all frantic on Christmas break, freaking out about him meeting James. Even after you told your dad about him. And when you guys got there, he stayed up basically all night to make sure he stayed on the couch, and didn't go upstairs to your bedroom. Ha! And you ran into your dad when you got up to use the washroom!"

" Oh my god, shut up. This is not going to be a repeat. And I am going to wait awhile before...Just, nothing, okay?"

Alice raised an eyebrow. " Keep talking, Swan."

" No, it's not anything. I'm not just going to have my dad meet him now, because I want us to...Spend more time together, get to know eachother more, before I introduce them."

" Oh, well, I guess that makes sense...Emmett, Jasper, wrap up your game I want to go!"

They finished their game quickly, and Alice shuffled all of us out of the house, literally shoving at Emmett. I felt Bella lean into my side, her fingers brushing against mine. I linked our hands together, following behind Alice and Jasper on the sidewalk. Alice skipped and twirled on the side walk, twirling around Jasper like a cartoon character. I heard the tapping of Rosalie's heels, and I still rolled my eyes at the fact that she wore high heels to a place like this, as did Alice.

Suddenly, Bella stumbled forward, in a very Bella-like fashion. This girl trips on air. I gripped her hand tighter, stopping her from the fall. She stood up, blushing a deep red. I chuckled.

" Let's hope she doesn't start to bring Edward down with her." Emmett said with a loud guffaw.

Bella rested her head against my arm, tightening her fingers around mine.

" Thanks."

" I couldn't very well let you fall could I?"

" Could have."

" I wouldn't." I whispered against the top of her head.

When we got to the Pier, Alice ran off, trailing Jasper behind her. Emmett made a bee-line for the chili cheese hotdog stand, tugging Rosalie along with him, and we were then left alone. I looked over at Bella, and she shrugged.

" Let's just walk."

We walked through the crowd until we were on a more open part of the Pier. Bella swung out hands back and forth, like a little child. I found it funny.

" Why are you laughing?"

I looked down at our hands.

" Reminds me of when I was six, and my mom used to swing our hands when I was little in stores."

Bella stopped, looking up at me with regret in her eyes. " I'm sorry."

I was abruptly shocked, she fucking stops when I mentioned doing it with my mom when I was a kid. She had no reason to apologize for that.

" Don't apologize. Not anything fucking bad, actually brings back a few of the rare occuring good memories."

" You were really close to your mom, right? Have you ever tried to find her?"

" No...If she still wanted to see me, be a part of my life, then she wouldn't have fucking left. She wants to be unfound."

" That's not always true." Bella said whistfully.

" Well if she wants me in her goddamn fucking life, why in the hell did she leave?"

Bella dropped my hand, wincing at the harsh words I'd basically spat out to her. I mumbled a 'fuck' under my breath, reading the end of the Pier. I turned her around, backing her against the wood railing. She complied with me, and I grasped her hand.

" I'm sorry, just...Talking about that just fucking...it pisses me off, makes me upset. I shouldn't take that shit out on you."

" It's okay." she said quietly.

" No, no it's not. It's not fair to you, I'm so sorry, Bella."

She leaned forward, capturing my lips with hers. I leaned into her, resting my hand on her cheek. I was never one for just fucking openly making out in public, but I didn't even care with her. Her arms wrapped around my waist, and I felt her smile against my lips.

" Well, I have a big forgiving heart."

" My kissing doesn't help?" I jokingly asked, licking her bottom lip.

" A little bit." she whispered in a low sultry voice.

I smiled, " I thought so."

Her head rested on my chest, " You make me really happy."

" Are you sure about that?"

" Being around you, just...I don't know."

" Yeah, you do. Don't be so damn embarassed. Just fucking tell me." I said, laughing quietly.

" Like when we went on that bike-ride. I had so much fun. You're just fun to talk to. You're so quiet, lost in your thoughts, but when you talk...You just have so much to say. And you don't let people think that, you always just keep to yourself even when so many things run through your mind. Although, when you're angry you have alot to say, it seems like that's when you finally relieve yourself."

I watched her closely.

" And you're such a great person, even though I know you don't see it all the time. You don't smile too much, but for some reason I just want to be the reason that you do...What I just want is for us to be happy. And, this might sound crazy only being with you a week, but something just tells me this is right."

I was momentarily just stunned by her words. Maybe she was fucking nuts. I could see her cheeks tinted pink with blush, she was already embarassed saying all of that. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close to me.

" Don't laugh at me."

" I won't. Your just so fucking...just cute."

" Cute?"

" Hm. Adorable? Beautiful? Pretty? Charming? Gorgeous? Breathtaking? Appealing? Darling? Precious? Sexy? Attractive? Hot? D-"

" Okay, okay! I get it! Darling? I don't think anybody has said ' you are just darling' since the early nineteen hundreds, grandpa."

I glared at her. " What'd you call me?"

" Grandpa. You know, the father of a father."

" Smartass." I stated, swatting her ass and taking out a cigarette.

She laughed, reaching into my pack and grabbing a cigarette.

" Smoking is bad for you." I noted, lighting mine, putting the lighter away.

" Oh, please."

The end of her cigarette pressed against mine, effectively lighting it. She took a deep drag, and blew it out in the direction of the ocean.

" Which of those do you like?"

" Whatever one you're heart desires, Edward."

" Not sure about charming. You're not really a charming girl."

She slapped my arm playfully. " Shut up."

" I was just fucking messing with you, beautiful."

Bella blushed.

" Aw-ha, does someone like that damn nickname? Your all cherry red now."

" You are such an ass!"

Suddenly I felt something latch onto my back like a spider. I gasped in surprise.

" Fuck! Alice, you can't do that." I said, feeling my heart almost beat out of my chest.

" Sorry! I just wanted to surprise you so...SURPRISE!"

I rolled my eyes, holding onto her thighs so she wouldn't fall down. Alice was a fucking crazy insane pixie, it was known.

" So. Guess who ran into? Tanya! I did, and she was looking for you. Have you seen her boobs? One is like bigger than the other. She literally looks like a plastic barbie doll. But anyways, she was literally begging me where the beach house was, to drop by and see you."

" If you gave her the address, I am out of this state by tonight."

Alice giggled. " I'm not stupid. But she is all around the Pier looking for yo-"

" EDWARD! Oh my god, there you are. Alice! You said he wasn't at the Pier."

I groaned and set Alice down, she smiled and leaned into Jasper. She got a kick out of how Tanya was always obsessed with me.

" Hello, Tanya. Something I can help you with?"

" No, silly! I just wanted to spend a little time with you. Victoria is somewhere around here, and I figured we could have some fun. There's a new bar opening about a mile away from here. You, me and Victoria could head over tonight, check it out."

" No thanks, Tanya. I have plans tonight."

" Come on, Edward!" she whined. " The three of us could have _so _much fun."

" I don't know if your fucking under the impression that I am interested in you, Tanya, but I'm not."

She frowned, cocking her head to the side.

" I have a girlfriend, so no, I am not interested in going out and having 'fun' with you and my ex-girlfriend."

" What?"

" Now, if you'll excuse me. I was planning on spending my afternoon with my _friends_."

With a loud, annoying huff she spun on her heel and walked away, tripping in her five inch heels. I laughed and I saw Bella angrily glare at her.

" Not into threesomes, Edward?" Rosalie asked with a loud laugh.

" Not with them."

Everyone looked at me. " Fuck, I was just kidding. Christ, you people believe every goddamn thing."

" You want to see Bella with an asian?" Emmett asked.

I glared at him. " Fuck, no. Emmett, just shut your damn mouth."

" I'm not really into girls." Bella noted.

" Not really? That wasn't a direction shut down."

She rolled her eyes. " There is no way in hell that I would ever kiss a girl, or do anything else with one."

" So if I dared you to kiss Alice for ten bucks you wouldn't do it."

" Ew, no!" Alice exclaimed.

" Same page as her."

" She smokes! That would be so yucky!"

" Alice, please. I brush my teeth."

" Doesn't really make a difference. You and Edward can go makeout with your gross cigarette breath. You can both die of lung cancer together."

" Don't overreact, you annoying little pixie."

She huffed. " I am not a pixie! I am much prettier than any one out there!"

Jasper kissed Alice's cheek, and she beamed at him. I blew out a puff of smoke, and felt Bella lean against my side.

" I'm going to head to the bathroom really quick." Bella said, excusing herself.

I leaned against the railing, watching her walk off until she completely disappeared.

" I haven't ever seen you as happy as you've been this past week."

I looked over at Alice, shrugging. " She just makes me...fucking happy. I don't know, just something about her." I said, sighing.

" You're so whipped."

" It's a week, Emmett. I'm not fucking whipped, yet."

After a few minutes, Bella still hadn't returned from the bathroom. About fifteen minutes later I was getting a little bit worried. Alice and Rosalie went off to check on her, and I shifted my feet, waiting for them to come back with her. I checked my phone, but nothing was fucking on there.

I needed to stop being so fucking paranoid and shit, it was only freaking me out. I just couldn't help but be protective when it came to people I cared about, I never wanted Carlisle, Esme, Alice or anyother of these guys to get hurt. After a long part of my life filled with pain, I didnt like it when I saw others hurt.

I must have spaced out, because Jasper tapped my shoulder.

" Your phone signalled a text."

Immediatly I looked at it, it was from Alice.

_Alice Cullen_

_2:46pm_

_Get over to the girls washroom._

Without another though I strode through the crowd. Emmett and Jasper called after me, I fucking ignored them because I knew at this point that shit happened, and I needed to get over to the girls. When I got to the bathroom enterance, I heard my name beside me.

Alice and Rosalie were on the bench outside of the doors, about twenty feet away. Bella sat between them, and she was fucking shaking like a leaf, tears streaming down her beautiful face. I immediatly walked over to them, kneeling down infront of her.

" What happened?" I asked them hurriedly.

" James must have saw her go in. He trapped her with the door locked, threatened to hurt her if she didn't just break it off with you and go back to London with him."

" Fuck. Where the hell did he go."

" We don't know."

I looked at Bella. " Bella, where is he."

She let out a small sob and I rubbed her knee. That fucker was going the fuck down.

" Come on, beautiful. Where is he, do you know?"

" H-His friend st-stopped him. They w-were g-going to the P-Pier, you mu-must have pass-passed him." she stuttered out.

I stood up, leaning forward to kiss her forehead, then looked at Alice and Rose. " Don't fucking let her out of your sight."

" Edward, don't." Bella said.

" No, he fucking messed with someone I care about. That shit doesn't fly with me."

Pushing past Emmett I walked down the Pier, my eyes scouring all around me, looking for the blonde haired fucker. I kept on walking, keeping my eyes pealed until I came across him. Leaning against the railing with two guys flanked on either side. One holding kettle corn and laughing.

I walked up to him, standing a good few inchs taller than him. His eyes widdened and I grasped his shirt, shoving my body against him so he couldn't make one fucking move.

" Whoa! What the fuck, man?" his friend said.

I slammed James against the railing, and I heard a few people around me gasp.

" I swear to god. The third time is the fucking charm. If you ever go near her again, I will fucking kill you without a second thought. You think your such a big guy? Fuck you, she doesn't want you, little shit, and I suggest you stay away from her. I mean it, the next time I see you, I will tear your sorry ass to pieces."

Once again, I slammed him against the railing and he leaned back, almost falling right off. I let go of his shirt and walked away.

" She must be good in bed if she's got you whipped. I always thought she'd be a little fiesty between the sheets."

That. Was. Fucking. It.

As fast as he could blink, I had shoved him over the railing and heard him yell until he hit the water. There was rushed talking around me, and I got the hell out of dodge before a police or shit showed up. When I got back to the girls, I saw Bella still shaking between Alice and Rosalie. Emmett sat next to Alice, Jasper standing beside the bench.

I stood infront of Bella, taking her hands away from her protective position around her body. I pulled her into my arms, and she held on tight to me. I kissed her neck and ran my hands up and down her back, trying to calm her.

" I was so scared." she whispered.

" Don't be scared anymore. I'm here, not going anywhere."

She sniffed into my neck.

" We'll give you guys a minute. I'm going to get some cotton candy. Let's go guys." Rosalie said.

I gave her a smile, thanking her silently for ushering them away so I could talk to Bella alone. I sat down, letting Bella sit in my lap. Her head rested on my shoulder, and I kept on rubbing her back to sooth her.

She was very quiet for a little while, her little fingers tracing the buttons that were on my shirt, and I desperately wanted to ask her what he had said to her to shake her up so terribly. I only knew what Rosalie and Alice had said, and that wasn't all it. There were more details to it.

" What happened, Bella? What'd he say?"

" He said that just because I got away from him once didn't mean he still wouldn't try. That he...he would get me. And then he mentioned you, and he said if I didn't break off all of those connections to my friends then he would force me back to London, that he doesn't care who my father is, that one way or another I will always belong to him. He said he would hurt me, do anything."

" Is that all?"

" Yeah. All he said before his buddies started banging on the door was that this isn't over."

" You bet your sweet ass he is. I dumped that fucker off the Pier."

" What? Edward, you can't do that!"

" I did. And he deserved it."

She sighed, shaking her head. " I don't want you getting involved."

" I was involved the first night I stood up for you."

Leaning forward, I kissed her lips gently. Bella slowly pulled away from me, and I felt her hands gently touch my jaw. Her beautiful brown eyes stared into my eyes, her eyes full of gratitude and happiness.

" Thank you."

" For what?"

" You're just...perfect."

I chuckled, was she nuts? " Perfect is hardly the word."

" You're perfect for me."

Bella kept staring into my eyes, and for a moment I didn't care, that is, until it started freaking me the fuck out. Why was she staring at my eyes so intently?

" Creeping me out there." I said, looking away.

" You're eyes are just so damn green."

" Mmm, congratulations, you are not color blind."

She rolled her eyes and got off my lap, sitting up and smoothing out her shirt. I held onto her hand, not wanting to release atleast this part of her. I decided to head over to the cotton candy cart, knowing that the others were probably waiting for us to go there.

" Green eyes."

" Didn't we just fucking go over this?" I asked humorously, smiling down at her.

" I found your new nickname."

I rolled my eyes. " Don't you think it's too early for nicknames?"

Suddenly her face fell, and a small frown came upon her face. I didn't want to see her frown, there was really no reason for her to be sad. She could call me whatever she wants as long as she was fucking happy and shit.

" Green eyes it is, beautiful."

When we got to the cotton candy stand, I handed the guy five bucks and he got to working. I made sure to tell him to make it a big one. Bella was clearly eying Rosalie's, so I could pay a few bucks to make her happy and shit. After the event with that fucker, I would try and make her feel better.

The guy handed me the pink, purple and blue fluffy candy and I handed it to Bella. Her eyes widdened like fucking saucers when she saw it.

" Edward, I can't possibly eat all of it."

We walked around for awhile, and Bella was still eating that cotton candy, through small stands and everything. But she never complained, she was fucking grateful, I appreciated it. I convinced the guy who worked the ferris wheel to let us on with it, and we got into the seats, basically shoving Alice out when she wanted to join us. Bella held the cotton candy in her left hand, not to let it go between us.

I leaned against her, staring into the sunset and just feeling a perfect fucking moment. Bella leaned into me, worming her arm between the seat and my back to wrap her arm around my waist. I took a piece of cotton candy and put it in my mouth, then a little bit in Bella's mouth. She was smiling, and fuck, something inside of me just started to spark with pure happiness.

For the first time in a long damn time.

**Authors Note- Fun, Drama, Fluff. Basically. I hope you all liked this chapter. After the summer with these crazy kids is over, the plot really starts to come on in.**

**LAST WEEK'S QUESTION!( My answer)- What was the worst injury you've ever gotten?**

**It would either be when I sliced my thumb with a soup top. Or sliced from the beginning of my thumb to my wrist when I was holding a pair of scissors open and grabbed it wrong. Both shed equal amounts of blood, both hurt like a bitch!**

**THIS WEEKS QUESTION!- Water Balloon fight, anyone? Ever have one?**

**Leave me all your thoughts.**


	18. Changes

**Authors Note- Hello, everyone. Hope you enjoy this one.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

I was suddenly jerked awake when I heard a loud rumble of thunder, and the house shaking. I sat up quickly, my skin had a thin film of sweat on it, and I was fucking just shocked from being awoken. It sounded pretty bad out there, and luckily everything outside was secure. Last thing we needed was a deck table flying into the windows. Carlisle and Esme had called us earlier to let us know that the news had been talking about a bad one.

Waking up to this after a nightmare wasn't very nice. I had completely relived the night that Emmett had ran into me, only things went differently as they always did. I sat up, running my hands through my hair and taking a deep breath.

Suddenly I heard a knock on my door, and I glanced over.

" Come in." I said, my voice gritty with sleep.

A tiny form appeared in the shadow, barely any light in the hallway. I smiled, knowing it was Bella. She tip-toed over to the bed, hopping onto the mattress and curling up against my side under the covers. I'd known Bella hated thunder and lightening storms, she had told me when she was a kid her house got hit by it, the roof got set on fire, since then she just hated the loud noises and lightening all together.

" Are you okay?"

" Yeah, I'm good." I answered.

" You feel a little sweaty. Did you have a nightmare?"

" Nothing that bad." I murmured.

I stared down at her, not able to really see her face but I could tell she was tired.

" The thunder woke me up, is it okay if I stay with you tonight?" she whispered

I ran my fingers through her hair, feeling her sigh against my neck. She laid over my body, curling her left arm around me, resting her right hand on my shoulder and head on my chest. Her legs laid between mine. I scooted down, resting my head on the pillow.

" You're comfortable." she murmured

" And you're exhausted."

Suddenly light lit up the room, and it was followed by a loud rumble of thunder. Rain hit the windows and door, and I felt Bella slightly jump. I rubbed her back, my hands under the covers. She groaned.

" I'm a damn grown women and a stupid fucking storm scares me."

I smiled." You have quite the mouth."

" You're rubbing off on me."

" That's not good."

She laughed quietly, and I felt her move her leg, rubbing it against mine. I turned my head to the side, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes. Bella stilled completely, and I felt her slither up my body to lay against my side with her back against my chest. I buried my face in her hair, breathing her strawberry scent deeply.

Just as I was almost slipping into a deep sleep, another strike of lightening and loud rumble of thunder shaking the house. Bella's arm rested over mine that was laying over her, and she took a deep breath.

" Think we are going to get any sleep?" she asked, her voice thick and gritty.

" Nope." I said, the tone of my voice almost matching hers but more deep.

" You know, after the lightening hit my house when I was six, every time there was a really bad storm, my mom would stay with me in bed until I fell asleep. She would hold me, and talk to me about her trips to Phoenix when she was a kid to visit her grandparents. About the cactuses, how dry it was there, but how much she loved it. She used to tell me that we would go one day, and she would take me on a horse, and we could go hiking and do all these fun things. We were supposed to go there the winter before she died. We had plane tickets and everything, but my father just couldn't go without her. It was hard at night; when the storms started. My dad never...He never really was the same after her death, I mean, now he is alright. But he just threw himself into his job. It was hard, kind of like I lost both of them."

" I'm sorry, Bella."

" No, don't apologize. It's still hard though, she was like the bright sun in our family. I'm so much like my dad, quiet and just very calm. She just threw the excitement in our life, the pizzazz. Every Saturday, she would always open up my grandma's cookbook, and try to make something. Oh, the kitchen was always such a mess, she had something splattered everywhere. I remember when I got home after school, and my dad after work. She'd made my Grandma's Swan's beef stroganoff. The meat was completely raw, and the recipe called for a bit of sour cream and just a dash of buttermilk, which she thought would be okay to improvise with butter melted with milk, and plain yogurt instead of sour cream. She literally thought butter milk, was well, buttered milk that simple. It was awful, but we couldn't tell her that. At the end of the meal, she looked at us both and just said, ' This taste like shit. You honestly are eating this?'. I've never laughed so hard."

" That sounds so gross."

" It was...You know, I think she would have loved you."

" Me?"

" Yeah. Seeing a sad person...My mom always had to do something to cheer them up, whether it be one of her jokes or just doing something. She was just like that, and she rarely showed she was sad. Something about her just...brightened your day, just seeing her."

" Sounds like someone I know."

A spark of lightening lit the room and I saw Bella look up at me. " I'm not much like her."

" Well, something about you brightens up my fucking day."

" Not like that."

" Mmm, yes like that. You're like fucking sunshine or some shit."

Bella giggled quietly, and I felt her stretch up to kiss my neck. Her arms snaking around my neck to pull herself up. I ran my hand up her spine, feeling her shiver against me. I felt her lips hunting up my neck towards my lips, and her lips stopped at my jaw. Her teeth gently nipped at me, and I was fucking surprised, not knowing she was into a little biting. When I felt her reach my lips, her tongue poked out and the tip traced my lips.

Where this girl learned to be so fucking sexy I had no clue.

Finally, I just pressed my lips against hers, hearing her quiet moan against my lips. My hands ran over her back, and I felt her tongue snake between my lips to twist with mine, her body almost slowly rising as our kiss deepened. She was almost sitting in my lap, her chest hovering over mine with her lips hungrily capturing mine over and over.

I ran my fingers up her back into her long hair, tangling my hands in it and holding her to me. Bella's hands moved all over my chest and shoulders, exploring everything. It wasn't until I felt her hands move under my shirt that I tensed.

" Bella." I said against her lips, pulling away slightly.

" Mmm, what?" she whispered, kissing me once more and inching her fingers under the hem of my shirt.

I immediately untangled my hands from her hair and grabbed her hands, pulling them away from me. Her hands only moved back.

" Fuck. Bella, no."

Her hands froze; actually, her entire body froze. She pulled away from my lips, resting her hands on my hips to steady herself.

" I'm sorry, was I...Didn't you?..."

" I'm not taking my shirt off, Bella." I told her.

Bella dropped her head, sighing in what sounded like embarrassment. She scrambled off me, and got off the bed before I could even blink. Before she even made a move towards the bedroom door I grabbed onto her wrist, gently tugging to stop her.

" Hey, where do you think you are going?"

" I'm such an idiot. I swear, twenty two years of life and you think I could finally control myself at this point."

" Don't fucking be like that. It's not like..."

She looked at me. " Honestly, Edward. How did you have sex with Victoria and Tanya? With a shirt on?"

" A wife beater yes, and...Might sound fucking weird, but it's how it was for me. I don't ever want anybody to see what's underneath it."

" Edward, you have to know that no matter what, it would never matter to me."

" Bella, we've not even dated a fucking month."

" Are you questioning my thoughts?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

" Maybe just a little bit."

" Well, don't. I don't want to hear it. What, you think I will see scars and be disgusted with you? Honestly, you think I would be like that, just reject you because of fucking scars from your past. I don't fucking care about it Edward."

I sighed, " I need a cigarette."

" Don't leave, okay? Seriously." she said, annoyed.

" I'm not fucking going anywhere, calm the fuck down." I said, getting out of bed and grabbing the pack off the desk.

Bella looked down at her lap, shaking her head and running her hands over her face.

" Damn it! Bella, I'm sorry. I don't mean to talk to snap at you." I took a long drag from my cigarette, walking over to her.

All she did was move away, leaning against the headboard. With the cigarette firmly between my lips I got onto the bed and scooted next to her, feeling fucking awful for doing that. I tapped against her leg.

" Hey, you."

" What, Edward. What?"

" Christ, women, why are you getting so pissed off at me? I apologized for snapping at you, and because I won't take my shirt off you get pissed?"

" How in the hell is this going to work?"

I pulled my cigarette out of my mouth, moving her face to the side to kiss her. I could tell her body wanted to melt into me, she just didn't fucking let it. Which I will admit pissed me off, but I probably didn't deserve it anyways.

" I don't know, but we've got to fucking try. It's not been long, isn't the first month supposed to be all perfect?"

She laughed. " That's when we were like sixteen and seventeen. Being adults makes it even more complicated."

I took a deep drag of my cigarette and handed it to her, letting her take a puff. She drew in deeply and I leaned towards her, opening my mouth and feeling her breathe out the smoke as I breathed it into my lungs.

" Well, I really fucking like you. So, we'll make it work."

We finished out the cigarette together, and I put it in an empty can of Pepsi I had drank earlier. Bella rested her left hand on my chest, leaning against me.

" I won't push you to do something you're uncomfortable with. I don't...I don't want to ruin this just before it starts." she murmured, closing her eyes.

~\\~

July 15th

Tuesday

~\\~

" Damn! It's California, it's not supposed to be raining." Alice yelled.

Bella pulled her phone away from her ear. " Alice, I'm on the phone. Keep it down!"

She put her phone back to her ear, continuing her little circling around the kitchen island. Alice slumped next to me, rolling her eyes as Emmett and Rosalie fought over the guitar for Rock Band. They'd tried to get me to sing, but of course I wouldn't ever fucking do that, and Alice quit ten minutes ago when she kept messing up the tone of Eye of the Tiger.

I sat on the couch, my notebook for school right in front of me. I'd been doing alot of writing for this huge paper due the first class of the year, so I was really buckling down to get it finished and fucking ready. When it came to school, nothing came between that shit.

" Who's Bella on the phone with?" Alice asked, leaning over me to look at the notebook I wrote inside.

I closed it, glaring at her for thinking she could just read it over my shoulder. She was so nosy.

" She's gotten two calls from Publishing companies."

" Where?"

" I don't fucking know, but she's been on the phone all morning. Something about an editing position."

Alice smiled. " She's been waiting for calls since even before she left for America."

I nodded, tapping my pen against my leg almost nervously. The noise of Blitzkrieg Bop annoying me as Jasper banged loudly on the drums. Bella had glared at him hard and he toned it down, smirking.

" Yes! Thank you so much. Of course, Friday at two. Great. You, too. Okay...Okay...Bye." she said enthusiastically, hanging up the phone.

" Wait for it." Alice whispered.

" I GOT A JOB INTERVIEW WITH LITTLE, BROWN AND COMPANY!" Bella basically screamed.

" In New York? Are you kidding?"

" Yes. They scheduled me an interview for Little, Brown on Friday for one. And Random House has be scheduled for two thirty on Saturday. They said that they were so excited

" Oh my god, that is so great.

" I know. I have to book a hotel room. Oh my god, I just can't believe this."

New York.

Fucking across the country from where Seattle is.

So many thoughts crossed my mind.

" I got to make some calls. I'll be upstairs if you guys need me."

When she left the room, Alice looked over at me, giving me an apologetic smile. I grabbed my book and stood, walking out of the room and towards the basement. Alice called out my name, but I ignored her, slamming the door behind me and hesitantly walking down the stairs.

At the bottom I saw that the huge space was mostly empty. Hardwood dark floors, and paneled wood walls. I looked across the room and saw a large baby grand piano. My fingers longed to stroke the beautiful ivory keys.

There was a black leather couch pushed against the opposite wall, and a door next to it with a fully furnished bathroom. I dropped my journal and walked over to the piano, taking a seat down on the bench. Hesitantly I pressed a few cords, and it was perfectly tuned up.

Closing my eyes I laid my fingers on the keys, playing the familiar Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. It was one of the first songs that I learned on the piano as a kid. My mother taught me Beau Soir and Clair De Lune by Debussy, and as I went on, I just picked up more and fucking more at a time.

Of course, nobody would probably take me as a piano player, to the outside world I am a hardass with a fucking bad attitude, I don't have an passion. But I do have two, which is my music and being a doctor. And I couldn't even possibly become more passionate about something than I already am about my music.

Growing up, music was my escape, although I learned never to play when my father was at home. I couldn't count how many times he had smashed the cover that went over the keys on my fingers. When I was younger he would force my hand on the hot electric stove. He did that seven times before my mother finally said that it was too risky, giving an excuse to say that if they took me to the hospital because of burning layers off my skin, they would know. Doctors even back in the day were very much focused on child abuse, and with a burn like that, they would call social services. And I wasn't even at school at the time which I guess was good, I was only five years old.

I remember some days as a kid I used to wish that someone would notice, that the gym teacher would notice how I winced through almost everything we did. Eventually they noticed, about nine years later than they should have. I think when we did swimming it was when I loved the most. Because my dad fucking knew he couldn't touch me without them knowing. Makeup would wash off, and the month of swimming was always my favorite.

When I turned nine though, he forced me to the pediatrician. I had 'developed' an allergic reaction to chlorine. Fuck that, it was a lie. So on those days. I would sit in the small room with only two sets of bleachers and watch as everyone around me did laps, all the while I sat, under my clothes the bruises of the past that haunted me.

And now I still sit, underneath my shirt all the scars that marred my skin. The scars that I was afraid to show everybody out of fucking embarrassment, and knowing they would be disgusted, no matter what they all say.

Never by any means would I be calling Bella a liar, but I couldn't ever let her have the image of me like that.

I even wondered if our relationship would last. Could this go beyond just a fucking summer romance. When we hit school again, and she gets a fucking job somewhere, would this ever really work. And what if she went to live in New York, no fucking way would our relationship last so early and having to go long distance, no fucking way could I ever see it happen. Jasper and Alice did it, but I swear the first time they both looked at each other, they were already in love, that summer I don't like I saw either one of them.

" Edward." I suddenly heard behind me, a gentle hand resting on my shoulder.

My playing stopped, and I honestly had no idea I still was. Bella was next to me.

" You've been playing for almost an hour. Alice said you ran down here when I went upstairs."

Time apparently flies when I am so fucking lost in my head.

" She also said you looked upset."

" Alice exaggerates."

Bella walked across the room, sitting on the couch. I got up, sitting on the opposite side. She turned around, leaning against the arm rest with her knee's up and resting against the back of the couch.

" This happen to be about the interviews?"

" No, I don't fucking care."

Hurt flashed in her eyes. " Edward..."

" Look, I know a lot of companies for editing, publishing or whatever, are in New York, and I probably fucking have shouldn't expected this to last any longer."

She sat up straight. " What are you talking about?"

" THIS! This fucking relationship! It's a stupid, fucking summer romance. And you're probably going to be in New York, at your dream job in a dream apartment while I am stuck in Seattle doing fucking residency and I-"

" Goddamn it, Edward! SHUT UP! Just shut up for two seconds will you. You are acting as if I am leaving tomorrow and never coming back. Christ, I am leaving for an INTERVIEW, that doesn't mean I am getting a fucking job and office already. And fuck this relationship already if you don't see us lasting after summer. The reason I started dating you in the first place is because I want it to last, because I care about you a lot and feel so strongly for you."

" I'm sorry."

" Yeah, well. I can't believe we are fighting about this. I like you, end of story. I haven't gotten a job yet."

" We're a fucking mess."

Bella crawled over to me, chastely kissing my lips.

" Edward, this IS going to work, I swear. This isn't just some summer romance to me."

" When is your flight to New York?"

" Thursday earlier in the morning. I'm thinking of just getting a flight back to Seattle afterwards, stay with my dad a little bit before the summer ends. And whatever happens after that happens."

I nodded. " Yeah, now that I think about it maybe I'll drive back up to Seattle end of this week. Been a nice time here, but really I miss being fucking home."

" You should do me a favor and drop off some of my clothes at my house."

" Oh, meet your dad without you. He's a police man, right? Guy has a fucking shotgun, you know that?"

" Be quiet. My dad is harmless, Edward. In fact, I think he would like you. Although, he might convince you to take Jo-Jo off his hands."

" Jo-Jo?"

" Oh, he's my little Birman kitten. I got him about three months before I left England from a breeder."

" A cat."

" Do cats scare you?"

I laughed. " No. In fact, when I was a kid, my mother had this friend. They used to have tea on Saturdays and when my dad was gone, she would take me with her. She bred cats, Persians and...Ragdolls I think. I used to play in the cat room all afternoon. I loved the cats. My father was allergic though, and of course Esme and Carlisle asked me about animals, but I never really expressed it."

" Aw, Edward Masen likes kittens."

" I do, honestly."

She smiled. " So, what are you planning for this year, with residency and everything."

" I don't know. I mean, I think I'm probably going to get an apartment somewhere near the hospital I'll be spending my time at. Hell, I'll only have one class on Thursday nights. So, there is no fucking point in just staying in a dorm."

" Poor, Jasper." she joked.

" Well, he's going into a Law School now. We would separate anyways."

" Wait, he's twenty three though. Shouldn't have been already finished with the first year?"

" Jasper went through a rough time in second grade. He went through a lot of bad sickness. Pneumonia, strep throat, stomach flu, a lot of different shit. He's always been very prone to sickness with sick people around him, and that year he basically never was able to get to school therefore he had to repeat second grade, being held back."

She nodded.

" What about you?"

" I don't know. Edward, I've wanted to work at Little, Brown and company since I was like ten. It was my dream, this is so important to me. But...I don't want to leave this behind. I don't want to leave _you _behind. I don't want to be another person to do that to you, Edward."

I could see that she was about to cry. " Hey, don't...Don't cry over me, and don't worry about me. I want you to follow your dreams. I don't want those shattered because you feel like you can't leave me. That's fucked up, and I wouldn't let you give it up."

She grabbed onto me, " Well, what if you are part of my dream."

" Mmm. Lets go upstairs." I said, standing up and pulling her up.

" Edward, I'm serious. Does that make you nervous? Am I coming on too strong."

" No, no. I've just always had a hard time accepting people fucking care."

" Let's go out and get some coffee. Sound good? The star bucks by Pizza Mia?"

" That's cool. Let's just eat first, I'm fucking starved." I stated, grabbing my journal.

When we got upstairs, everyone was basically occupied in the living room. Rock Band was still going. Alice singing, Rosalie on bass, Emmett on electric and Jasper on drums. Their eyes were glued to the huge flat screen, and they didn't even notice that we came upstairs. They didn't give a fuck.

I grabbed some bread from the counter, buttered the outer pieces, piled on rotisserie chicken from last night, some bacon from earlier, lettuce and mustard. I put it together and put it on the stove, grilling both sides. Once it was finished, I put it on a plate, leaning against the counter as I ate it.

I made a turkey sandwich and grilled it on the stove. Bella leaned against the opposite counter, watching me as I cooked and then ate. Not in a creepy, I'm being a fucking weirdo way, just watching me with a small smile on her face.

I finished eating quickly, not wanting to make her wait and went upstairs to brush my teeth real quick and grab a thin jacket, and one for Bella as she had requested. Upon reaching downstairs, Bella was fishing in her bad for her phone. She looked up at me and I stood around her to stand behind her, helping her through the sleeves of her jacket. She up the black hoodie and turned around.

Her lips grazed mine, and I rested my hand on her shoulder, and the other wound around her. Her hands rested on my hips, and I felt her press our hips flush together. I pulled away slightly, placing chaste kisses on her lips.

When we finished, I looked to my left and saw Jasper leaning against the counter, holding a glass of soda.

" Hey." he said, winking.

" Hey...We're, uh, going out." I stated, linking my hand through Bella's and leading us out of the house.

Once the door was shut, Bella broke out in a fit of laughs.

" That was awkward."

We quickly ran to the car, not wanting to get soaked. When we got in, Bella smoothed her hair down. I put the key in the ignition and started it up. The drive was about five minutes long, and when I pulled up we rushed out quickly and into the star bucks.

The place was actually dead, not a soul in there besides the barista. We walked up to the counter and Bella smiled at the lady.

" Hi, can I get a Vanilla Frappuchino and a slice of pumpkin spice bread."

" Add a Espresso Macchiato."

She added it up and I tossed a twenty on the counter, ignoring Bella. We sat down on a table and she huffed. Almost immediately we were called and I grabbed everything, setting it down. Bella glared at me.

" Stop whining. You love not paying." I said with a smirk.

" Shut up. I feel bad."

" Mhm."

Bella reached over, smacking my arm. Coffee splashed on my chin and I set it down, grabbing a napkin.

" It's not nice to hit, Isabella."

" You like it."

" On the contrary."

I took a sip of my espresso as Bella sipped her Frappuchino. Her big brown eyes stared at me over her cup, and I leaned back in my seat, staring out of the window.

" You okay?"

" Yeah...great."

~\\~

Thursday

~\\~

I didn't want her to fucking leave. Damn I felt like a fucking girl saying that, but I would miss Bella even if it was only a few days. I'd been spending everyday with her, and the occasional napping, and sharing a bed at nighttime had almost gotten me spoiled.

She had a flight at eleven fifteen, and I was going to drive her. Alice was tagging along also. This morning, I had gotten up to dress and get ready for the day. Tomorrow I was leaving Santa Monica to drive back home, and on that trip I was stopping at Bella's house to drop off some of her things for her. She'd already called her dad and everything. I would be there Saturday evening probably.

As I loaded Bella's one bag in the car, she was waiting in the passenger seat with Alice in the back. I got into the car and backed out of the driveway. The drive to the Santa Monica Airport wasn't long at all, too short if anybody would have ever asked me.

Bella said she would see me afterwards. When I parked the car, Bella got out, as did I. I told Alice to stay here and she listened to me, understanding. I walked Bella through baggage, security and to the gate until it was called for New York.

She wrapped her arms around me. " I'll see you at Sea Tac on Sunday at ten pm."

" Call me when you land and get to your hotel. Hear me?"

" I will, no worries."

She kissed me chastely and pulled away. " I'll see you soon."

As she walked away, she looked over her shoulder, smiling at me.

Hands in my pocket, I turned around and walked out of the airport back to the car. And damn did I feel like something was missing. With a sigh I walked over to the Volvo, still in the parking space on the curb. Alice had hopped up front and she was tapping her fingers on her leg.

I got into the car, slamming the door and starting up the car once more and ready to get back to the beach house.

" It won't be long, Edward. She'll be back."

" You don't understand, Alice."

" I don't? Jasper and I go to school in different states, and only get to see each other on Christmas and Thanksgiving and Spring Break."

" Yeah, well what if she gets a job in New York. Who knows when I will see her. You don't get fucking Christmas break for a job, Alice." I snapped

She sighed, staring out the window. " I'm just saying Edward. I get that. Christ didn't know you were in love with her already."

" I'm not in love with her."

" Could have fooled me."

**Authors Note- Plot is really starting to come in now. Let me know what you are all thinking about this, I am very excited to hear what you guys have to say this time around. I really appreciate all of your reviews, so thank you to everyone for taking to time to do it.**

**Last weeks question (My answer)-Water Balloon fight?**

**Yes, I have. It's fun while your doing it, but cleaning it up I'd rather say is not a blast.**

**This Weeks Question!- What's you favorite coffee? If not coffee, tea?**


	19. Meeting Bella's Father, Again

**Authors Note- Back with more Deep Into The Darkness. Hope you all like it.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

July 18th

Friday

~\\~

I think the moment Bella left the beach house there really was no fucking point anymore, and I think everyone else noticed it the rest of yesterday without her. What I was focused mostly on now was getting back to Seattle and getting college secured up and shit.

I'd called Carlisle and Esme up, letting them know I was on my way back today, and would be there later tomorrow. First I wanted to go down to Santa Monica shopping areas and pick up something for Bella when she came back, like a good fucking person would do.

So, all fucking alone, I headed down to Santa Monica beach over by their shopping area's that she really didn't get to look much at. Where I looked through necklace, to fucking rings, bracelets and ankle bracelets.

It wasn't until I came across the small little store that I was looking through different rings, and I found a specific one that caught my eye. It was a silver band with a small, white moonstone on the top of it, the ring held it, the silver twisted around the sides to hold it.

A lady smiled at me. " Looking at something for a special someone?" she asked.

" Yeah, my girlfriend. Can I get the white moonstone ring?"

" Yes. What size?"

Well, she has pretty thin fingers, average I would guess. " Six."

She went into the back and grabbed a box, opening it up for me to see. Knowing that it looked pretty fucking perfect, I paid for it, making sure to take the small tag off the ring when it gave it to her. Nobody needed to fucking know the price.

After paying I put the ring in my pocket and headed back to the beach house, ready to leave this place.

~\\~

I talked to Bella later that night when I was already in a hotel room, more than halfway home and on the border of Oregon and California. Bella was in her hotel room after a shower.

" It's barely been two days, I really miss you." she murmured over the phone, I heard the rustling of sheets.

I sat down on my bed, running my hand through my hair. This was fucking new to me. I missed her so goddamn much that I knew it wasn't at all normal.

" I miss you, too, sunshine."

She laughed, " Oh yeah, green eyes?"

" Yeah, and this bed is not going to make for a fun night."

" Amen, you think a Holiday Inn Express would be all nice, but I think I am sleeping on bricks." she groaned.

" Call me in the morning?"

" Yeah, of course. I'll talk to you then, sleep good."

" Goodnight, Bella." I said, hanging up.

The bed was absolutely awful, I don't think I got five hours. I kept waking up and moving around, and then waking up more. It was all around just fucking awful.

When seven hit and the sun was up, I got straight on the road. Bella called me at nine, all nervous for her interview. I knew she was going to do great. We talked more about tomorrow, and decided I would pick her up at the airport and then go to her house. I would finish packing up her things and meet her to just make fewer trips instead of going to her dads, then pick her up, then back to her dads.

Luckily the day went quick, and when I hit Washington I got a big sense of home. Washington may be all fucking gloomy and shit, but it was just home. I stopped and ate a few times, filled up the tank and so on. I was glad the day was flying past me, because Bella would be here tomorrow. I just had to make sure to get up early so I could get her other things packed for her.

I got home Saturday at around eight. All I did was grab my bags and Bella's one bag, taking it with me up to the house, fucking exhausted. The foyer light was on, and Esme immediately came to greet me when I had slammed the front door. Carlisle also appeared on the top of the stairs.

" Oh, how was your trip back?"

" Long, fucking lumpy beds and just...fucking awful."

Esme laughed. " Go upstairs and sleep."

Then I remembered, a fucking water bed was up there, just great. With a sigh I lugged myself upstairs with the bags and got to the third floor. I dropped the luggage and jumped onto the bed. But it felt like my old bed. Right now, I didn't even care. I threw my shirt off, my shoes, socks and pants. I got under the covers, relishing in the nice good quality bed.

~\\~

When I awoke in the morning, it was the sound of my phone blaring. I growled, fucking pissed that someone was waking me up. I grabbed my phone and answered it.

" What?"

" Hey, I've been waiting at SeaTac for like ten minutes, where are you."

" Fuck! Are you serious? What time is it?"

" Five after one. Were you sleeping."

" Uh, no."

" Edward! Want me to just call my dad."

" No, I'm getting up. Fuck, I'm so sorry, sunshine." I said, jumping out of bed and into a pair of jeans.

" It's fine, just be here."

" Half hour tops. I'll see you in a bit."

I hung up the phone and went into the bathroom, splashing water on my face, not bothering to shave and going straight to brushing my teeth. I'll even fucking admit that I took a piss and brushed at the same time, feeling fucking terrible for waking up late. Once I was done in the bathroom I tossed a shirt over my head and put my socks and boots on. I ran my fingers through my hair, grabbed my cell phone and car keys and darted downstairs.

Suddenly I ran into Carlisle, who grabbed onto my shoulders to still me. I let out a gasp of surprised and moved.

" Sorry."

" Where's the fire?" he asked, laughing.

" I was supposed to pick Bella up from the airport and take her to her dads. But I slept in and I fucked it up."

" Something going on with Bella and you?" he asked.

" I don't really have time to stand her and talk. I'm already fucking late as is. Sorry for running into you."

I walked past him and headed outside, walking to my car, probably more like jogging. When I got in, I quickly started up the engine, and the windshield wipers, it was raining pretty heavily. I drove as quick as I could without getting into a car accident, and got there in like twenty minutes. I parked quickly and got into the airport. Bella was sitting in a chair, looking all bored.

I jogged up to her and when she noticed me her eyes lit up. She stood and I wrapped my arms around her, breathing in her scent deeply. She always smelt so nice to me.

" I'm so sorry."

" It's okay, green eyes."

Gently, I ran my fingers through her long hair. Her hands ran up my back and I held her close to me, as close as I could without completely cutting of any air supply.

" I missed you so much it was insane."

" Oh, yeah?"

" Yeah. But New York was awesome. So alive and it's nice there. The people at the interviews were really super nice." she gushed.

" Let me get your bag." I said, taking it from her and slinging it over my shoulder.

" Sleep good?" she asked with a smile.

" Fuck yeah, and I have my bed back." I said.

She smiled, " Good."

" Mind coming back to my house so we can pack up the rest of your stuff?"

" No, take me home. I'll make you do it alone." she kidded.

" Nope."

When we go to the car I put her bag in the back and she hopped into the car. I noticed how nice her clothes were, a pair of black pinstripe pants and a blue silk blouse, one button undone and some cleavage showing.

Damn.

I started up the car and put on the heat just slightly. The rain made it colder outside, and I didn't want her to be cold. She leaned over the console just because I put the car into reverse, her face next to mine.

" You haven't kissed me yet." Bella whispered.

" I think I forgot. What a fucking shame."

Her warm, soft lips pressed against mine, her hand resting on my cheek. I had stubble, I hoped that didn't fucking bother her. I grasped the back of her neck, slanting my mouth against hers to deepen the kiss. Her body suddenly shifted and I felt her climb over the console into my lap. The length of her body pressed against mine, and I slid one hand down her back.

Bella pulled away from me, resting her forehead against my chin.

" If we don't stop, I might have to pull you into the backseat with me." she said.

" Or I can just lay my seat down and you can get right to work."

She laughed, kissing my jaw and wrapping her arms around me.

" Tempting, but we have things to do. So let's get to it."

" Planning on getting off my lap."

Bella sat up and leaned back slightly, apparently not paying attention because she hit her head on the roof of the car when the horn went off, letting out a loud yelp. I let out a burst of laughter, reaching up to rub where she hit her head. She glared and got into the passenger seat, I got out of the place, it was pretty damn busy and it took a few minutes but soon we were back on our way to my home.

" I missed Washington. Really haven't spent much time here since before college."

" You like it here?"

" I love it here. Although I am not a big rain fan, it's still home to me."

When we got back to the house. Esme greeted Bella enthusiastically, asking about her trip to New York Alice told her about, and how she liked the beach house. After the round of twenty seconds I whisked Bella upstairs with me and we went into the guest room. I helped her pack all her shit into her bags, and got her box of porn books, as I joked with her.

She, I could tell, looked a little sad. Bella had only said that she would miss the summer, but was happy how it was ending. We talked about Cambridge, and she told me about London, which I enjoyed listening to. I wanted to just fucking go there with her sometime.

Once all of her things were ready, we put them in the car and headed inside to eat something before leaving for her dad's house. Bella made Panini's with Esme's help, and we all sat together in the kitchen and ate at the island bar seats. There was leftover pasta salad that Esme made last night, so we ate that also.

" So, my husband said something interesting when you rocketed out here." Esme said.

I looked up at her, wondering what the fuck she was talking about.

" Are you two dating?"

Bella's fork for her pasta salad clattered on the table. Quickly she picked it up and looked down at her plate, I sat frozen for a moment, not knowing whether or not to say anything.

" Uhm, yeah, I guess." Bella mumbled.

" You guess?"

" Yes, Esme, Bella is my girlfriend."

She let out the most high-pitched squeal I've ever heard, rivaling Alice. I covered my ears, mumbling a swear word under my breath.

" I knew it! Oh, I am so happy for both of you. Both of you are just absolutely darling together, I just knew something would happen this summer!"

" Mmm, yeah. We'll, we'd better get going." I stated, grabbing plates and putting them in the dishwasher.

" Don't you be embarrassed. It's absolutely adorable!"

" Are you ready, Bella?"

She hopped off the stool and turned to Esme.

" Thanks so much for helping with lunch, and for letting me stay with you and at the beach house this summer. I very much appreciate it." Bella said.

Esme pulled her into a hug. " You're welcome here anytime, Bella. I mean it. You're like family."

Bella pulled away from her and stepped over towards me. She leaned into my side, and I grabbed her hand, walking us towards the foyer. Once we reached it I let her hand go and grabbed all the shit I needed.

" Are you excited to meet my father?" Bella asked

" Mm, I wouldn't say excited, but I am not dreading it."

It was just her father, nobody to fear. He lived only about fifteen minutes from here, closer to the city. Bella told me that she attended Seattle Prep school, I felt awful for her, but she said it wasn't all that bad. Not everyone was a fucking snob. That shit surprised me.

Her dad apparently was much like her as she said, or she was like him, whatever fucking way. But he is a fucking police officer, meaning I should probably stop saying 'fuck' 'shit' or 'damn'.

Damn that shit will be so fucking hard. I use all of those damn words like fucking Katie Sanders used the word 'like' in high school. I never got why the fuck all the dumb, blonde cheerleaders used that word. It was a fucking stereotype. A very correct stereotype.

Bella had her leg stretched out, her foot resting on the dashboard of my car. She had on a pair of like three inch pumps, and it looked fucking sexy.

If it wasn't on my dashboard.

" I think you like your car more than me." she said, taking note to how it annoyed me and put her foot down on the floor.

" No, I just don't like when people are so...I like feet propped up on anything, hands groping what belongs to me or anybody touching the shit in here."

" Better watch that mouth of yours, my father has a beating stick."

" If your dad is anything like you, he is harmless as a little kitten. All bark, no bite."

" That's really true."

I smiled and Bella started giving me directions once I pulled into a subdivision. I ended up pulling into a two story white house. Very simple with a half-wraparound porch on the left, a driveway and garage on gravel to the right. A police car was parked in the driveway, and I saw a rustle behind the plaid curtains. Before I reached for the handle, Bella grabbed my hand.

" He really is a great dad, but his line of work makes him wary, okay? Just don't falter, that's what he wants." Bella said.

" Falter? Yeah, okay." I said, scoffing.

She rolled her eyes and opened the car door. The rain had lightened up a bit into a gentle mist. I opened up the trunk and grabbed her bags. She grabbed her box and I shut the trunk. Bella walked on the gravel carefully in her heels. When we got to the porch, she set her box down and unlocked the front door, opening it up.

Right in front was a small foyer, and the side of the stairs was in clear view. I slowly stepped into the house, and it was really just...homey, nice. It felt like a home. To my right were French doors, wide open with a small living room, and to my right was a hallway to the kitchen.

" Dad?" Bella called out.

No answer.

" Let's just go put my things upstairs. He's probably on the back porch with a beer or something."

I nodded and followed Bella upstairs. She pushed open an empty room, a smile on her face. I set her bags down on the bed that had sheets on it.

" He always does this." Bella said.

In the room there was a desk, with a computer on it. It looked kind of new, nothing too ancient. The window was covered with yellow lacy curtains, and a bed right when you walk in coming out, a tall mirror in the corner close to the end of the bed. The window was right next to her bed, only a few feet away. Across the room was the desk with a door to what I guess is a bathroom next to it, and on the wall of the door was a dresser and a set of doors for the closet

Above the desk was a bulletin board, with small paintings, postcards and pictures. Bella put her box down and rested her chest against mine, wrapping her arms around my waist.

" Are you ready?"

" Let's go." I said, grabbing her hand and letting her lead me out of the room and downstairs. Down the hallway towards the kitchen there was also an opening to the right, another small hallway with a bathroom and a sliding glass door.

I saw a figure sitting on a chair, plaid shirt I could see, and brown hair. There was a beer on a small table next to the lawn chair he sat in. Bella opened the sliding glass door and quickly jumped behind him.

" Hello!"

" Oh, there's my girl."

That voice sounded so familiar, something inside of me rung with the sound. Almost like it was alerting me but I had no clue why it sounded familiar, or when I had heard his voice before in my life. All I knew right now was that I had heard it.

I leaned against the doorframe and I saw him stand up and turn around to greet Bella. The moment I saw his face my entire body completely froze into place. My mind locked back into the scared fifteen year old that day in the room, bloody, broken and terrified.

The police lights flickering in my bedroom after hours of sleeping in pain, and the man that found me laying in my bed broken all those years ago.

And that was this man right in front of me; Police Chief Charles _Swan._

How did I not connect this, how did I not see. Bella's last name was Swan and her father was a police officer. I was a fucking idiot not to see the obvious right in front of me. I was blinded by the happiness of Bella that I couldn't sink deeper into it.

I faintly heard Bella introduce me as Edward Masen, her boyfriend, but I couldn't move. All my eyes did was stare at him. I felt like that little boy again. I was scared to fucking see any of this right now. This man right here _had _seen me at my worst; he had helped me out of that goddamn room.

He had seen everything. His daughter hadn't. But to him I was just another case.

Did he recognize me?

The man looked at me, almost as if he _did _know I was.

" Edward, what's wrong?" Bella asked me.

" I-I...I-I can't..Excuse me." was all I could get out before I ran back into the house and out of that front door. I stumbled towards my car, leaning against it and sliding down until I hit the gravel. My heart raced, I felt the panic and I closed my eyes tightly, not wanting to face what was there.

My breathing came out in short gasps, and I clutched at my heart, feeling as if it were about to explode. I knew I had pills in my glove box. I wasn't sure I could move. This couldn't be happening.

This girl that I care about so much, and her father has to be that man. It was never like he treated me wrong, he has helped me. He'd also been the one to tell me that my mother wasn't coming to see me, that she was never going to see me because she had moved on without me.

I gripped my hair, leaning against my car and letting out a small whine.

" EDWARD!" I heard Bella yell.

Suddenly I felt her hands on my face, forcing me to look at her.

" Look at me, Edward. What's wrong?" she said, running her hands over my face before grabbing my hands to let go of my hair.

" Oh god, Bella." I croaked out.

She stared into my eyes, running her hands over my arms to try and calm me down.

" Edward, what's going on."

" That was him." I gasped out.

Bella looked confused, of course she was confused. I never told her about the police officer who helped me. I never went into that detail. I never thought it was important until now I knew that it honestly was.

" Who, Edward. Who was my dad?"

" He was there, the night my mom killed my dad."

Her head dropped to my shoulder. " Oh, Edward..."

" He was the one who found me, like that...He was the one who told me my mother wasn't coming back for me."

My heart was still racing like crazy, I couldn't take any deep breaths, my breathing was being cut off and I felt like I was going to have a heart attack of some sort. I reached shakily into my pocket and grabbed my keys.

" Go into the glove box, grab the bottle, okay?" I instructed her.

She nodded and ran around to the other side, grabbing the bottle for me. I could tell she was going quick by how she was shuffling it around in the box. Bella came back a short moment later with the pills and a bottle of water I had in there.

I opened the bottle and grabbed two of the pills, downing it with the water. I leaned against the car, taking a deep breath and trying to slow myself down. Bella sighed staring at my shaky hands.

" I can't believe I didn't...Fuck, what does he think of me now?"

" He told me to go to you, I think he remembers something. Edward, you don't have to go and face him again."

" I'm fine."

" You aren't. Look at you."

" Fucking wreck, don't remind me."

Bella leaned forward and kissed my jaw, rubbing my cheek gently. I leaned into her, breathing in her scent. Her presence calmed me a lot, it was like fucking drugs. I held onto her for a moment before releasing her and standing up. She stood with me.

" Are you alright?"

I felt the Xanax kicking in a starting to calm me down a bit, I felt a little tired after all of this, but I was glad I still kept the meds in my glove box. I put it away and walked back towards the house with Bella. She assured me that he didn't make a big deal about me having to walk out.

When I stepped into the house he was sitting on a recliner in the living room. He stood up when we walked back in. I didn't stare at him, not wanting to be rude or freak myself out again.

" You okay there, Edward?" he asked gruffly.

" Yes, chief Swan. I apologize for having to leave."

" It's fine. Would you be okay going out back to talk for a moment?"

Bella squeezed my hand gently and I took in a deep breath.

" Yes."

" I'll just be in the living room, okay?"

" Go ahead, kid. We'll be right there."

Bella released my hand and I followed Chief Swan outside to the back. I tried to keep myself calm and collected, not wanting to have another panic attack, especially not in front of him. He stood on the back deck, looking out into the forest behind the house.

It wasn't him that scared me, it was the fact that he had known me at that time scared me. I didn't want him to think I wasn't good enough for Bella, that I was too battered for her. He would know it. The man was the one who handled my case until I was adopted. I never saw him after that.

" I do remember you, Edward. When you were fifteen, almost sixteen at the time." he started. " I worked on your case, and by your reaction I can tell you remember me very well. I've dealt with kids who are scared having people see them vulnerable. I've seen many bad situations. But when it came down to being abused, you were always the worse, never forgot you. I'd have never guessed it was you though when my little girl called me and told me that she had a boyfriend named Edward."

He looked at me, and I stayed silent.

" I've never talked to Bella about my work, what I had seen or did that day. And to this day I never will, and I won't tell her anything about your case."

" I-I've told her about...I've just never mentioned who had...found...me."

" Look, I can tell that your past haunts you, and I don't know what person could completely get over something like that. Bella has always had such compassion for people, especially after I lost my wife. She knows what it's like to lose someone you love, and I know you very much do too."

I nodded.

" I expect you to take care of her, she is the only family that I have left. Her other boyfriend was no good, and if you ever hurt her then it won't end very well for you. I hope someone like you would understand. She's a good person, many people take advantage of that."

" I'll take care of her, sir."

" It's Charlie. Do you mind if I ask something?"

" Uhm, no."

" You were adopted by the Cullen's right?"

I nodded.

" Should have known you two would meet eventually through Alice. I've also run into Carlisle Cullen, great man."

" I'm very lucky to have them."

He nodded, " Now let's go into the house, she's probably driving herself crazy."

I followed him back inside, relieved that the conversation really wasn't bad. He was a great person, I could see that. Bella was on the couch, a glass of water in her hands. She literally sprung off the couch like she had a spring on her ass, walking over to me. I was fucking surprised how she felt so comfortable being so close to me with her father right there.

" How about I get a pot of stroganoff going, and then Edward can help me unpack."

" Whatever you want, kid. No funny business upstairs, I don't need to hear any of that."

Bella blushed. " Dad."

I helped Bella in the kitchen cutting up beef and putting together the sauce for the stroganoff. I chopped up the mushrooms for her, glad to help her. She twirled around the kitchen, throwing spices into the pot, like a witch with potions.

" Wasn't too hard on you was he?"

" It's hard...Knowing that your father was the one who saw me and had seen, my life crumble down to the last bit. And had also found me...like I was."

" He won't judge you, Edward. My dad...He's always been so caring about people. Of course I have never asked him about what he's seen, but I know that he does what he does because he wants to protect people."

I nodded and tossed the last of the meat in the pot. Bella finished it off with a good stir and she took me upstairs to her room. Charlie was watching a baseball game on ESPN, with a beer. He seemed to like beer, not an alcoholic, but just generally likes it.

Bella led me into her room and closed the door.

" I'm going to miss not having you next door where there is a lightning storm."

" You can still stay over some nights."

" That's not weird. 'Hey Alice, sleepover tonight? No, but I am going to staying the night with Edward, you know, a floor above'."

" Well, I'll be getting an apartment soon, so it can be just us two sometimes."

" I don't think we've ever been completely alone this summer, besides going out for s'mores and drinks. I'm going to look forward to August."

" What about those interviews."

" Mmm, they went well...Don't worry about it, okay. I'm not...I'm not going anywhere, Edward. I want this relationship to work out, and I know so early into this and leaving isn't going to last. I missed you like crazy these past two days, hell, three days. I just...Imagining doing long distance until we figure something out, doesn't work. I'd run us into the ground."

" No, you wouldn't. And I missed you, too. I never thought I would that much."

" Well, this is me we are talking about. Of course you missed me."

I laughed and grabbed onto her, " Cocky, much?"

" Very. Now let's get to unpacking, I don't have all day."

" Fucking pushy."

She laughed and unzipped a bag, unloading all of her shower things and a few personal items. I stood in the room, uncomfortable and awkward, not knowing what to do. She smiled and handed me a stack of shirts.

" Hangers in the closet. Get to hanging."

I leaned forward, kissing her lips quickly and grabbing the pile of clothes.

" Not going to finish that one?"

" Don't push your damn luck. Unless you want to end up stark fucking naked on those sheets, we shouldn't take that further."

" I might like that."

" Don't tease me."

" Do you like it?"

" You'll never fucking know. And what is this shit? Backstreet Boys, Bella? Tell me you don't wear this."

Suddenly I felt something brush against me and I jumped, smacking whatever it was and I heard a cry. Bella gasped loudly and I whipped my head in her direction. She quickly ran over towards her bed and in her arms was a little cream colored ball of fluff, with brown ears and a nose the same color.

" You stepped on my cat!"

" Well if it didn't scare me like it fucking did then it wouldn't have happened." I stated.

She coddled the little creature before pawning it off to me so I could 'apologize'.

" I'm not apologizing to a cat."

" You said you liked cats." she argued.

" Fine, I'm fucking sorry for stepping on your little kitty tail." I told the cat, knowing it didn't know what the hell I was saying. I scratched behind his ears and his eyes closed, purring loudly. I sat down on the bed, still holding the little kitten. 

" Aw, come on. I thought you were going to help me." Bella complained.

" Sunshine, you were the one who pawned the cat off to me."

" That's because you needed to apologize."

I smirked at her and set the cat down on the bed, he rubbed his side against the pillow, laying on his back and kicking his legs up, staring at Bella for attention.

" You little nutter." she said.

" Your accent is cute." I told her.

" It'll go away in time, adapting to how others speak."

I started hanging up her shirts, tossing comments when I saw ones that I just fucking downright didn't approve of. Once I had finished with her shirts, I did her drawers for pajama's and pants while she worked on the bathroom. I stayed away from her bras and underwear, having respect to let her do that.

And as I sat in her room, I realized how much Bella has changed me. I'm not as quiet anymore, I've always had a voice, but with Bella I can actually just talk and talk without feeling like I have to stop, she gives me a sense of being open.

I helped her load her books, movies and cd's on a tall shelf, and we put her laptop on the desk, and the old computer in the closet on the highest shelf. And by six her room was completely done. She kept her arms wrapped around me, kissing my neck gently.

" Dinner is probably done, so let's go down."

Her father had made the noodles for the stroganoff and Bella put the pot at the small four seated table that was against a wall with a window. Two seats on each side, all the chairs not matching each other. Bella sat next to me and handed me a bowl and a fork.

" Have your room together, Bells?" her dad asked, taking a huge forkful of the stroganoff.

" Yeah, all done."

" Glad you're back, kid. I've missed your cooking, and you can scoop the litter box for that damn cat of yours. I swear he was aiming to scare the hell out of me every day."

Bella laughed. " He scared Edward, and then Edward stepped on him."

" I've probably stepped on him twice a day, when he isn't scaring me he's sleeping on your bed for hours."

She shook her head, taking a bite of the stroganoff. It really was delicious; Bella definitely had a talent in the kitchen. Her hand rested just above my knee as we ate, her hand moving on my leg in a soothing motion. Once dinner was done, I helped Bella clean up and I realized that I probably should leave. I didn't want to.

I said goodbye to Chie- Charlie, and Bella walked outside with me on the porch.

" Thank you for helping me today, my bedroom, picking me up and everything."

Before she said anything else I wrapped my arms around her, breathing in her scent.

" I'm going to miss having you right next door. It was fucking nice." I murmured.

" Hey, green eyes, we'll see each other. In fact, I want you to call me tomorrow morning, coffee?"

" Yeah, of course."

She smiled and pressed her lips against mine, wrapping her arms around my neck. I held her up to me, feeling her tongue snake between my lips. Before we got too carried away I pulled away from her, setting her down and kissing her forehead.

" Goodnight, Bella."

" Night, green eyes."

I got into my car and started it up, when I pulled out of the driveway she went into the house. I felt so far away from her at that moment, I didn't want to leave her here. Even though this was her home with her dad, I wanted to just take her with me, find an apartment and let it just be us two, every night. Sharing beds lightening storm or not.

I could fucking dream, couldn't I?

**Authors Note- Packed chapter, eh? I hoped you all liked it, school is around the corner for a few of them. What's going to happen with Jasper and Edward, no longer dorm buddies? Better yet, who gets the television they shared in the dorm? What about Edward and Bella, can they survive being apart? Let's hope there aren't any lightening storms.**

**Previous Question (My answer)!- What's your favorite coffee? If not coffee, tea?**

**I am a sucker for a good Carmel Macchiato, but recently the Peppermint Mocha's have been hitting the spot, it's like Christmas in a cup.**

**This Week's Question!- Do you have any weird silly names for a boyfriend, husband or fiance? Something that's not really often heard of but it's just your name for him?**

**Going out on a limb here, pretty sure my readers are ladies.**

**So ANSWER THE QUESTION, TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT.**

**REVIEW!**


	20. Seven Years

**Authors Note- Early update? I think I might be able to start getting on the one week track now with this story. So I will update next Wednesday after this upcoming one ( December 15th)**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

July 30th

Wednesday

EPOV

~\\~

Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper were all back in Seattle last weekend, and had arrived Sunday afternoon tan and happy. Now I was looking all over the place to find a damn apartment in the city close to the hospital I would be spending most of my time at. I would only have one class on Friday, and the hospital was close to the campus anyways.

Everything was set up for my residency; all I needed to do was find a damn apartment to live in. Carlisle and Esme paid for all of my school funds, I appreciated that more then they would ever know. For the mean time, I would probably use some of my inherited funds from my grandfather to pay for bills, or maybe get a job somewhere.

When I awoke this morning and saw that it was July 30th, I realized that today was the day that I had been officially adopted into the Cullen's family. I came downstairs after showering and dressing, seeing Esme and Carlisle sitting at the table, wide smiles on their faces.

I grabbed a mug from the counter and filled it up to coffee, stirring in cream and sugar before sitting down at the end of the table.

" Seven years it's been today." Carlisle stated.

" Mhm." I hummed against the side of my coffee cup, taking a sip.

" You really completed our family, Edward." Esme murmured.

I set my cup down, sitting awkwardly in my seat. What was I supposed to fucking say to that?

" Uhh...You're welcome?"

They both laughed, and I suddenly heard the doorbell ring. Alice basically screamed that she would get it and I rolled my eyes. I heard the front door open, slam, quiet voices and then stomping on steps, or clicking, whichever. I finished my cup of coffee and went out back for a cigarette.

When I heard the door slide open, I looked over my shoulder and saw Jasper. He closed the door.

" Hey."

" Hey, man. What've you been up to?"

I shrugged, taking a drag from my cigarette, " Nothing, you?"

" Not much. I just wanted to ask you something, Alice said you were having trouble finding an apartment by the hospital?"

" Uh, yeah. A bit of a hard time."

" Well, the firm I will be interning and practicing at is pretty close, about ten minutes away. And I was lookin' for places along the area and I found a place. I mean, I understand if you don't want to, but we could share the apartment. It's two bedroom, one bathroom. Kitchen, small fucking kitchen but it's not too bad, living room. Nothing too fancy, but ya know."

I was kind of surprised. I figured Jasper would be happy to get rid of my annoying ass at some point. Obviously he didn't have to offer this to me.

" The rent is a little much for just me, but for splitting would be cool, right? I mean, it'd be around two hundred. I just figured since we were pretty cool about sharing a dorm, an apartment would be alright."

" Yeah, that'd actually be pretty fucking great. I mean, don't ask me because you feel bad."

" Dude, I asked because you were having trouble, and because as I said, we were cool in the dorm and this would be alright. More damn space."

" Okay, sure."

I was really relieved to know that I had a fucking place to stay at now. Jasper and I talked a little bit more and later on he said we could go over so I could check it out, of course it was no palace he said, but for the three years we both needed it for, things would work out we hoped.

Afterwards I went in the house and headed upstairs to my bedroom, flying up both flights of stairs. When I got to my room, I suddenly felt something in the air change, and I realized I was not alone with Bella sitting on my bed. I closed my door behind me and walked over to her, taking her face into my hands and kissing her deeply.

She sighed into my mouth, massaging her tongue against mine. I pulled away slowly, kissing her nose before sitting down next to her. Her head rested against my shoulder, and I rubbed her arm gently.

" Hey."

" Hello, sunshine."

Bella smiled and leaned into me, laying me back on the bed and curling up against me.

" What's going on?" I asked her.

" I didn't get the job at Random House, they apparently aren't a big fan of, ' fresh out of college ', and they said my attitude was very positive, but that they didn't think I would fit in. Whatever, there was alot of old hags anyways."

" I'm sorry."

" No you're not, I know you want me to stay here."

" I want you to do what you want to do." I stated, climbing off the bed.

She sat up, scooting to the end of the bed and ruffling her hair. I grabbed something out of my bedside drawer, the little tiny ring that I'd gotten for her before I left Santa Monica. I walked over to her, hoping that this would brighten her day, I couldn't think of any other time to give it to her.

" Give me your hand." I said.

Hesitantly she held it out and I grabbed it, putting the ring in the middle of her palm and letting her hand go. She quickly pulled her hand towards her, picking the ring up and looking at it.

" It's a moonstone ring." I told her.

Bella smiled, " I've always loved these as a kid, my friend had gotten me one of those cheap ones, it broke."

" Well, this one is real, it won't break."

She slid it what would be her right ring finger, and it fit absolutely perfect. In a moment she had stood up and wrapped her arms around my neck. I kissed her temple softly, rubbing her back.

" What are you doing today?" she asked, releasing me.

" Going to check out an apartment with Jasper, nothing too fucking special. Why?

" I just want to stay here tonight, with you all night. Just us." She whispered.

" Is everything okay?"

" I guess I got used to having you there every night that I just...miss you a lot. It's crazy, I know. It's been like two weeks only and this is driving me insane."

" Not crazy." I murmured, holding her against me.

She hugged me close, " That mean we are on for tonight?"

" Mhm, whatever you fucking want."

" Well, it's what I want. When are you leaving to look at the apartment?"

" Probably around four, before dinner. Esme is cooking so I don't want to just fucking ditch it."

Bella nodded, " Okay."

" So, what do you want to do tonight?" I asked her, brushing her hair to the side and kissing her neck.

" Not what you're thinking."

" Mmm, what am I thinking?"

" Sex. That's what guys always think about."

She sighed and I gently bit the side of her neck. I felt her jump and I grabbed onto her, lifting her up into my arms. Bella pushed her chest against mine, pressing her lips to mine firmly. I walked over to the bed and laid Bella over the sheets, crawling right on top of her. She seemed to get really into the kissing, pushing on my shoulders to take control. In a flash she had straddled my lap, still keeping our lips together. My tongue explored inside her mouth, and I heard her small moan above me, which was fucking sexy.

Hesitantly I slid my hands under the back of her shirt, touching her warm, soft skin. Her hands wove into my hair, tugging and pulling.

" Bella! There you a-...Oh my god, that is so gross. Stop it!"

In a flash she was out of my lap, pulling her shirt down and fixing her hair. For a moment I just laid there, shocked, and kind of pissed off at Alice for ruining this damn good time.

" What do you want, Alice?" I asked, annoyed as I sat up.

Bella just stood there, and I grabbed onto her waist, sitting her down on my lap. She squirmed, probably not feeling comfortable in front of Alice, but I rested my hand on her knee, rubbing gentle circles.

" Well, I wanted to know where my best friend was, and I seemed to have found her straddling my brother." she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

" Technically I'm not your brother, so it's not that 'gross'. And if you were looking for her in here, expect the worse. Teaches you not to fucking barge in."

" God forbid I see your pale white asses going at it." she shivered.

" That's why I have a lock."

" Poor Jasper. I'm going to be all the way in Vancouver and he's going to have to deal with moaning coming from your room on the weekends."

Bella rolled her eyes, " Mhm, okay, Alice."

" I was your friend way before, Edward. So let's go paint nails!"

" Ali, we got manicures and pedicures two days ago." Bella said, leaning into me.

" Shop-"

" Is something wrong? I mean, I spent almost every day with you almost since we got back, can I just..."

Alice cocked her head to the side, clearly confused.

Bella wanted to say that she wanted us to be alone, but she probably felt bad about it. I kissed the back of Bella's neck and stood up with her.

" Go do whatever it is you girls do, but Bella fucking belongs to me later on after dinner."

She was about to protest, but I pressed my mouth to hers and kissed her thoroughly. Running my hands down her waist for a moment before pulling away. Bella sighed and looked down, walking away from me and towards Alice.

" Byeee." Alice sang, pulling Bella out of my room and shutting the door behind her.

I sat down on my bed and grabbed a book to read for the mean time. It seemed to make all of the time go fucking faster. Right now I was torn between staying here, or going to get Bella from Alice to spend more time with her.

Eventually Jasper came to get me, telling me that it was four and we should leave. We drove into the city, Jasper letting me know the directions as we went.

" So, how's things with Bella?" he asked.

" Pretty, uh, great."

" Uh?"

" I didn't fucking mean anything like that. It's been great."

He laughed, " Oh, yeah?"

" Yeah, and before your sick mind wanders, I haven't had sex with her yet."

The way he looked surprised almost offended me.

" What?"

" Sorry, just... With Victoria it seemed kind of like that."

" I had sex with her like twice...Once...I don't fucking know, but I didn't even like her. She was too nosy and pushy. The reason she broke up with me was because I didn't want to have sex with her."

" Yeah, guess that makes sense. That's what kind of girl she is."

" Bella's different." I stated.

" Different, as it?"

" Different as in I don't want to just get into her pants right off the bat. I've learned so much about her, and it's not something I ever did with Victoria, or even Tanya. I went right into it, but with Bella I liked knowing her before we did anything. Sure it may be our favorite color, or our struggles in life, but we still fucking talked. I appreciated having that time."

" Well then why not have sex with her now?"

" Because Jasper, we only started to fucking date a short while ago. Her other douche bag asshole boyfriend already proved what he wanted when they were together by trying to get it, but she needs to know that I am damn serious on how I feel about her, and just going straight into sex will mess it up now if I even attempted."

" I don't think I've ever hear you talk that much." Jasper remarked.

" You wanted an answer, I fucking gave it to you."

He rolled his eyes and parked in a small lot.

The complex itself looked just a little rugged, but I wouldn't knock it. We both got out of the car and Jasper opened the door with a key.

" You already got the place?"

" Well, yeah, I would take it even without you. I mean, the rent is a little high for just me, so I offered."

We walked up a set of stairs, and to the left and right on the top were doors. Ours was the first on the right. He pushed the door open after inserting the key and opened it up.

It wasn't a palace, but it wasn't terrible. There was a small living area, the walls a weird peanut butter-ish color and the floor a light wood. To the right was a kitchen and a hallway, the hallway was past the kitchen, and instead of the wall completely separating from the living room and kitchen, there was a big opening with wood framing the square. The kitchen was on the small side, but there was a clean, running fridge, a sink, no dishwasher, a microwave on the counter and that was about it.

I walked down the hallway, first on the left was a small room, no door but just covered by a curtain. And then straight down was a bedroom, it was basically a perfect square shape, and there was a door. On the wall right in front was a window, right outside the window I could see steal stairs right outside, connected to the building and leading to the roof.

Good place for a fucking smoke.

And the flooring all around this place was light wood; accept for the tile in the bathroom and kitchen. The bathroom was a good size; it had a bathtub and a shower, sink and a toilet.

" Cool? I'll take the room with the curtain on the door." he stated.

I laughed, " If you fucking want it, I rather would like a door anyways."

~\\~

Later that evening Jasper and I headed back to the Cullen's, and on the dinner table was my most favorite meal.

Broiled seasoned strip steak and roasted rosemary and garlic red potatoes.

Some might think something so simple is weird as a favorite meal. Most like the ones they eat less often, like lobster or some kind of special spaghetti that was in their family for years. But this was my favorite because of a very fucking reason.

Before my grandfather died, on the first weekend of every month, he would let me come and stay the weekend with him, it was probably the most fun I'd ever have. And every Saturday he would make broiled seasoned strip steak and roasted rosemary and garlic red potatoes. I loved it.

Even as a little toddler and a young kid, he would treat me like I was worth everything. He knew my home life, that my dad was harsh, but he died before the real abuse started. I'd like to think grandpa would have taken me in if he was here, he would have. I loved my grandpa so much. I never met my grandmother though, she died three years before I was born.

My grandfather was the one who taught me piano.

I looked over at Esme, who gave me a warm smile. I'd actually shared a part of that with Esme and Carlisle, about my grandfather. We all sat down and I felt Bella slide into the chair next to me, resting her hand on my knee.

I served myself first and Carlisle cleared his throat. " Anybody know what today is?"

" Uh...Wednesday?" Emmett asked, taking a huge bite of his steak.

I wonder why they felt this needed to be announced.

" I know! It's been seven years since Edward has been adopted into our family!" Alice exclaimed.

Bella looked over at me, her eyes shining with happiness and just...fucking warmth.

" Mmm, why don't we announce it on national television?"

" It's a very special, day. I believe it is." Esme beamed.

" Well, it's not a big deal, but thank you for acknowledging it." I said quietly, taking a bite of the potato.

Once dinner was done, Esme had a cherry pie in the fridge, she was being so nice, I wasn't going to fucking say anything and ruin her and Carlisle's happiness. I ate a piece of pie, as did everybody else at the table.

Afterwards, I found Esme and Carlisle in the kitchen starting up the dishwasher after loading it up.

" Thank you, both." I stated.

Esme's head snapped up and she smiled at me. " Oh, you're so welcome, sweetie."

" And not just for today, you've both done very much for me in my time being here. I appreciate it greatly; nobody has ever done as much as you both have."

" Edward, you are just like our own, we wanted to take care of you."

I swallowed and nodded. Carlisle rubbed my shoulder and Esme embraced me in a hug, literally squeezing the life out of me with her choke hold.

" I think Bella has been so good for you." she said.

I patted her back, " Yeah. I'll be upstairs if you need me. Goodnight, thanks again."

They nodded and I released Esme, heading upstairs to my bedroom, eager to have Bella with me and in my arms. When I got to my room, Bella was strewn over my bed, in a pair of flannel blue plaid pajama pants and a tank top with white socks on. The television was on, and she was watching LA Ink. I took off my shoes and grabbed some clothes. I went into the bathroom, brushed my teeth and changed my clothes, putting on a pair of longer pants and a wife beater.

Bella was all curled up in my bed, looking all cute and shit. I got into bed and leaned against my headboard. She flipped herself over, sitting in my lap with her legs on either side of me.

" How'd today go?"

" Good. The place is pretty fucking nice, not any palace but good enough for me."

She smiled, " It's going to be nice coming over and not having everyone around."

" Jasper? My residency?"

" Mmm, it'll be fine."

" I think I'm going to get a job or some shit, weekends or something."

She cocked her head to the side, " Why?"

" For some little income, pay for my food and stuff, maybe help with the rent. I don't want all my inheritance from my grandfather gone by the time I am done. I want it to help me with my fucking life. If I get married and have kids."

" Kids?"

" Sure, why not some fucking kids, I can be alright with children."

Bella laughed, " Oh, yeah?"

" Mhm. What about you?"

" I like kids...I mean, I've never been a women who would give up their job and be a total stay at home mom. I love books, every aspect of it, but ya know...People these days expect the women to give it all up."

" Not everyone, Bella."

" Why are we talking about this again?"

" I don't fucking know."

Her chest pressed against mine and I felt her lips press against mine. I grabbed onto her small waist, pulling her as close as I could. Her left hand rested on my jaw, the other one on my shoulder. I led my hands wander under her tank top, touching the soft skin of her back. She sighed into my mouth, her body slack against mine as I massaged the skin.

" That feels so good." she whispered against my lips.

I moved myself off the headboard and turned to the side, laying along the pillows. Bella leaned over me, and opening my eyes I got a great view of cleavage. Her arms wrapped around my neck, and I leaned up and pressed my lips to her neck, pulling away for a second to lick up the column of it. She let out a deep groan and grasped my hair, her lips fusing to mine. 

Surprising her, I rolled over and pressed her into the bed, moving my hands all over her body as she did the same. When my hand brushed against her waist, she pulled away, a burst of laughter escaping her. I squeezed her waist and she let out a yelp, pushing against me and putting us on our sides. She kissed me again, but with my tinkling her waist she kept pulling away.

" EDWARD!" she screamed, high-pitched and piercing. " STOP!"

" What's the magic word?" I asked, basically rolling all around the fucking bed with her to keep on tickling.

" I don't know. Please?" she gasped.

" Nope."

I pinched her side and she yelled my name again, followed by another scream. I laughed against her neck and she squirmed and kicked below me.

" What the hell is go-..."

My head quickly snapped up and I stopped, Bella gasped underneath me, and I kept my hands stilled on her waist.

" It sounded like someone was murdering, or having really great sex with you." Rosalie deadpanned to Bella.

" You interrupted all my fucking fun. Go away." I stated.

She rolled her eyes. " Sure all that fun was mutual?"

Bella was still out of breath. " No!" she exclaimed breathlessly.

" Have fuuunnn." she sung as she closed the door, locking it behind her.

I growled against Bella's neck, " You had fun."

" I couldn't breathe." she said, pouting. " You're evil."

" Only the most evil."

I rubbed my cheek against hers and laid the length of my body against hers. She didn't complain about me being heavy, then again, I made sure not to crush her. I moved my lips over her cheek and to her lips, softly kissing her.

She tilted her head to the side, kissing me deeper and twisting her tongue passionately with mine. I tangled my hand in her long curly locks, not wanting to leave her soft lips. Bella breathed heavily in and out of her nose, and I pulled away to let her breath for a moment, kissing up and down her neck and then kissing her again. When I felt her hand at the hem of my shirt, I tried not to stiffen, telling myself she wouldn't make me uncomfortable. Her hands pushed the back of my shirt just the slightest, and her fingers just moved over the small inch of skin revealed. She touched the skin for a few minutes before wrapping her arms around my waist.

Her chest heaved against mine, and I could feel her heart beat against mine, racing and pumping frantically.

For a long while it was just her lips and mine, hands exploring each other's bodies. We kept it over clothes of course, I don't think that well...Bella was ready for anything more, and I was still getting more comfortable with her anyways.

Eventually we slowed into languid kisses, and then chaste until our lips stopped moving and she curled into my side. I had to maneuver us around so that I could get her under the sheets. I fixed her shirt for her, the shirt that I had basically ridden all the way up to her chest, not wanting to take it too far and touch anything above her stomach.

She laid with her head on my pillow, the one I normally slept on, but I could sacrifice. Her little body rested into the mattress, and she looked so peaceful, her hair spread around her, ruby lips slightly parted. I stared down at her, watching her chest gently rise and fall.

I didn't know how I got so fucking lucky that someone like her wanted to be with me. She knew I was a broken man, yet she still wanted to be around.

I lay next to her, resting my head just above her chest, but below her neck. I wrapped my arms around her and closed my eyes, breathing in her strawberry smell. Slowly I felt her arms wrap around me and she let out a content sigh.

There was honestly no place I would have rather been then in her arms at that moment. Life right now was fucking perfect; I didn't want that to change.

**Authors Note- Filler-ish, but I didn't want to just jump right into the next part of the story. Hope you enjoyed it anyways!**

**Previous Question (My answer)- Do you have any weird silly names for a boyfriend, husband or fiancé? Something that's not really often heard of but it's just your name for him?**

**Eh, no. I'm a free bird right now.**

**This Week's Question- Do you have any pets?**

**Let me know how you liked the chapter, and answer the question if you want!**


	21. Beginning of The End

**Authors Note- PLEASE READ THE SMALL NOTE BELOW!**

**Nothing to important, but I wanted to give you a visual basically. Jasper and Edward's apartment is just like Tyler Hawkins (Robert Pattinson's) apartment in 'Remember Me', just more tidy and clean ( No bike suspended from the ceiling)**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

August 28th

Thursday

~\\~

The end of summer seemed to creep up on all of us quickly, and soon we found ourselves back in school. Jasper and I had all of our things in the apartment by the seventh of August and ready to start school on the thirteenth. We had all of our shit together.

The first day in a hospital, I would be lying if I said I wasn't at all nervous. I'd called Bella earlier that morning, waking her up, regrettably, and she kept telling me that I would do great. So I got over to the hospital, putting on black slacks, nice walking shoes, a tucked in button up and a nice tie.

When I arrived I got my lab coat, and there was two people who were teaching us. The first week they mostly had us go through the hospital, where things are, and making sure that the rules were established. We obviously weren't allowed to just leave on a whim without someone with us to watch what we were doing at all times.

Slowly we started to go into taking patient's blood and applying what we know to doing it. Some patients were downright refusing, but some were happy to give us a chance. Most of the people who were stubborn were parents of children, which, I fucking got. But we did take blood before; it wasn't like we walked in there doing it for the first time with no clue.

I'd been doing really well, or so Dr. Kane and Dr. Levine has told me. A lot of the students actually have, and we're all learning at a good pace. Obviously slackers wouldn't even be here, it was refreshing to be with people who were dedicated, and I was tired of walking around a campus seeing stupid teenagers walking off to parties, girls in short skirts and guys sneaking in beers.

It's fucking stupid if you asked me.

I've actually gotten a job just ten minutes from the apartment; I was working in a library, spending my days stacking books.

I fucking loved it.

Jasper makes jokes and shit about it, thinking he's all damn funny, but it's actually nice to be in a place that is always quiet. I've worked in bars, and that's about as crazy as people get. We have ladies trying to jump on tables, and seeing couples bumping and grinding, having sex in bathrooms and 'secluded' corners and booths. There is the yelling, screaming and the occasional raging drunks that come in, talk about their life and then just get shit-faced and go crazy.

Closing the bars was always a mess that I've heard about, but never gone through. They would literally have a full white garbage bag of used condoms. At least all of these people weren't knocking more people up, that's all I have to say.

As I walked through the door of the apartment, I saw Bella sitting on the couch next to Jasper eating rice out of a Chinese carton. I shoved the door closed and tossed my coat off, walking over to Bella, who stood up and let me embrace her. She sighed against me and I kissed the side of her neck. She was all I could see right now, and all that I wanted.

" Way to rub it in guys."

I glared at him over Bella's shoulder and released her, kissing her forehead gently.

" I want to talk to you." she murmured.

She could tell that made me nervous, but she smiled at me and grabbed my hand. I heard her yell a ' be right back', and I led her into my room. It was kind of plain, and I had to buy myself a bed, a smaller one to fit in here so I was sleeping on a queen, which was a little small, but it wasn't too bad. There was a small desk, a dresser, and that was just about all.

I shut the door behind me and sat down on my bed, sighing and running my hands over my face.

" I got a call from Little Brown this afternoon." she said.

My head immediately snapped up, her words quickly getting my attention.

At one point I was worried but happy that she would get the job. Worried because I didn't want her to fucking leave, and I didn't know what would happen to us if she did. Happy because this was her dream and I didn't want that to be crushed. That was the last damn thing I wanted.

This really was a big moment, and she was keeping a fucking poker face, I really wanted to know why. She shouldn't have to give anything up for me; I didn't want her to because it wasn't worth it at all. Bella deserved to have the job, I knew it.

" They told me something." she continued.

I looked at her desperately, " Just tell me, sunshine."

" I got the job."

And there it fucking was. I stared into her eyes, blinked once and then looked down at my hands. The world damn well knew that we wouldn't make anything work long-distance, it probably wasn't even worth trying, but I couldn't imagine not seeing Bella here on weekends and the surprise visits on days like this when she would come over and we would sleep, then she would get up early and make Jasper and I breakfast, or grab something from a place.

It really wasn't something I wanted to give, I am selfish, and when it comes to her I will be the first one to admit it. I couldn't stand not having what we have right now, or trying to take it long-distance. I wasn't trying to sound like a shitty boyfriend and not even try, but having to go through all of that...I couldn't imagine it.

But this was her dream, and I couldn't ask her to give it up, or expect her to. It wouldn't be right, and she had no reason to stay here, nothing would hold her back and she could do what she spent years learning how to do.

She'd been so frustrated when they didn't call, and she was upset, even if she didn't outright just admit it. I knew she'd been applying all around Seattle, but Little Brown Company was Little Brown Company, her main goal that was to be accomplished and she fucking did it.

And I knew that she deserved it, knew it with every fiber of my being.

She would go to New York, and she would be alright. I would try to be alright.

" Congratulations, Bella." I said, genuinely trying to perk my voice up, she didn't need to see all of my fucking emotional turmoil over this.

It wouldn't be right or fair to do that to her.

" And the good news? They have decided to branch out and they are creating a building in downtown Seattle."

I think my damn heart stuttered, and Bella smiled at me.

" Thanks for dragging that out. Damnit I thought you were leaving." I all but yelled.

Bella came over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. " I couldn't leave my green eyes." she said with a wide smile.

" You honestly gave me a fucking heart attack."

" I'm sorry. I just wanted to see your reaction. But, anyways, they are opening one. It should be done in December and I am the first hired for the position.

" That's absolutely fucking great, Bella. I'm so happy for you."

" Me, too. I just hoped it was sooner. My dad's is just...I love it there, but I am just ready to get my own place. It's like I am seventeen again. When I get home after sleeping here he is all about twenty questions. Don't get me wrong, he likes you, but he has the whole ' my little girl thing'." she said with a laugh.

I smiled and kissed her cheek; she sat in my lap, and pushed me down underneath her. I didn't fight her, letting her do what she wanted. I felt her hands running over my chest, scraping her nails over my button down, gently.

I took in a deep breath, laying back and just enjoying the amazing feeling of her hands on me. Her hands were like fucking magic, and I let out a deep groan, rubbing circles on her hips to encourage her to keep going.

" Long day?" she asked in a whisper.

" Mhm." I hummed.

She leaned down and pressed her lips to mine tenderly. I ran my hands down her back and put my hands in the back pocket of her jeans, giving her a little bit of a squeeze. I felt her smile against my lips, and she pushed off of me.

" Hungry?"

I grabbed back onto her and leaned over her body, " Not for food."

" Well, I'm hungry for food. So, please?"

I released her and stood up, taking her with me by grasping her wrist. Bella trotted over to the door, opening it up and leaning against the frame, staring at me with her beautiful brown eyes. I sighed and followed her out, but not before trapping her against the door.

" Trying to be charming?" she asked, her breath washing over my face.

" Is it working?"

She put her hand on my mouth really quick and wormed out of my grasp and swept down the hall. Knowing I wasn't behind her she looked over her shoulder at me, smiling.

She was so fucking gorgeous.

" Come on, green eyes."

I followed after her and she sat on the couch next to Jasper. I sat next to her and she grabbed a Chinese container of shrimp fried rice. I grabbed some sweet and sour chicken and put it in my mouth.

That 70's Show was on, and I leaned back into the couch, Bella curled into my side, and I wrapped my arm around her securely. Once she was finished with her rice I put it away in the kitchen, thanking Jasper for just picking it up and fucking feeding us. He didn't want my money, but I would find some damn way to give it back and pick up dinner one night. Bella left to brush her teeth after helping me and then we headed back to the couch.

Eventually all of us grew tired on the couch, and Bella was already passed out on top of me and had been for almost an hour now. She was breathing quietly, and her arms were at her sides. Jasper got up, looked at me and I told him to turn it off if he was going. He flicked it off and mumbled a goodnight.

Lifting Bella up in my arms, she let out a weird groan and wrapped her arms around my neck. When I got to my room, I shut my door behind me and walked over to the bed, turning on the lamp beside it. I set Bella down on my bed and she just lay as I set her.

" Do you want to sleep in jeans, sunshine?"

" No."

" Then come on."

" Didn't bring pants." she said, rolling over.

" Well, I happen to have a pair of fucking pants that you left here."

" Mmhmm."

I rolled my eyes and walked over to the dresser, opening it up and grabbing the pair of familiar shorts. I took them out, along with a pair of pants for me. When I walked over to the bed, Bella sat up and grabbed the hem of her sweatshirt, taking it off swiftly and tossing it on the floor, then she unzipped and unbuttoned her jeans, lifting her hips up to take them off.

I'm a fucking guy. Yeah, I damn well stared.

She had on a pair of these tiny dark grey boy shorts with little royal blue bows on them. I gave her the purple plaid shirts, that kind of matched her grey ADTR t-shirt, and she put them on. I went to the bathroom and quickly changed my pants, then brushed my teeth. I got into bed next to her, reaching over her to switch the lamp off.

" Can I touch you?"

My entire body froze, but got excited at the same time.

" Not like...to pleasure, but explore."

" Like what, Bella?" I asked, trying to sound calm and cool.

She leaned over and I felt her hands slide over my back, feeling the bumps from the marred scars and some dips because of stitched up cuts. I tensed up and grabbed her hands quickly, her eyes flashed with rejection and sadness.

Instead I rested her hands under my shirt on my stomach, because there weren't many scars on my stomach and chest.

" Why can't I touch your back?"

" I don't want you to feel everything."

" Why?"

" I don't fucking know."

" You do. And you can tell me, Edward."

" It's disgusting. I don't want you to feel that way about me."

" You're not disgusting, no part of you is. To me, you're kind of beautiful."

Her voice was quiet, but strong. I brushed her hair off her forehead and kissed it, feeling her hands run over my chest. Her hands felt good on my skin, touching places that I'd never let anybody explore.

I ran my hands underneath the back of her shirt, moving my lips down to her neck and tasting her soft skin. She squirmed a bit beside me, the position a little bit awkward. I let her straddle my lap, and her hands were still on my chest.

" Can I take it off? I won't look at your back." she breathed.

I took a deep breath.

The only time I wasn't wearing a shirt was when I was in the shower, or sleeping the door locked up. I knew that now I had to trust Bella that she wouldn't make me uncomfortable. I was on my back; nothing would show unless I turned over and showed it to her. Hesitantly I sat up slightly and took my shirt completely off.

Bella's eyes ran over my body, and it was weird seeing all the lust in her eyes that was there. Her lips pressed against mine and her hands ran over my chest, and my arms, gripping my biceps. I felt her warm tongue against mine. I mingled my tongue with hers, exploring the inside of her mouth and tracing her upper lip with the tip of my tongue.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her flush to me and her hands gripped my hips, and gently grazed my very lower back. When her hands move, I could feel them between us, fumbling with the hem of her shirt and she pulled away, taking it off and pulling herself back to me with her arms around my neck.

My name left her lips in a moan, and I could feel my desire growing for her. I ran my hands over her skin, feeling the softness of her womanly curves. She was perfect, in every fucking way and she was here with me.

~\\~

When I awoke in the morning, it was ten to six, and I was fucking exhausted, but satisfied in a way.

Last night had been...fucking amazing, and god knew I needed that kind of...release. We hadn't exactly had sex or anything, but Bella apparently was very into doing other things, which was fucking fine for me. I really don't know if Bella was ready to have sex yet.

She wasn't a virgin, but I am talking real sex that she would remember every single detail of. Damn, she would sure as hell remember if it was us together. I wouldn't ever go into detail with anybody, but the things that girl can do with her hands should be illegal.

I felt something shift behind me and suddenly I felt myself tense. I looked back, thanking fucking god that I was covered with the down comforter, and her chest was against the comforter with a blanket thrown over her body.

Slowly I reached down and grabbed my wife beater, tossing it on quickly, along with my discarded pants. Bella moved over onto her back, and I leaned over her, kissing the side of her neck softly. She let out a soft sigh and opened up her eyes, a small smile coming over her face.

" Hey." she whispered.

" Hi. Feeling okay?"

" Mhm...Tired though. What time is it?"

" Five to six."

She nodded and I leaned up to kiss her soft, ruby lips. I felt her lips apply light pressure against mine, she was exhausted, I could tell. I ran my hands over her hips over the blanket.

" What time do you have to leave?"

" Out of bed by seven, at class at eight fifteen."

" So we can lay here together for another hour?"

" Yes."

I took her into my arms, making sure to keep her covered with the blanket not to make her uncomfortable. I laid her on my chest and she laid her legs between mine. I ran my fingers through her hair, and her hands massaged my biceps.

" What's your plan today?

" Two classes, and then I have to head off to the hospital until like...eleven."

" Tomorrow?"

" Working from six thirty to one at the hospital, and then I have the library the rest of the day, and then nine to eight on Sunday at the library. And up early again on Monday."

Bella frowned, and I brushed her hair out of her face.

" So busy." she murmured.

I felt awful.

But I also expected this. She was going to miss me, and I knew I was going to fucking miss her like hell. I knew that eventually this would only get harder, and what made me feel worse was what she didn't have to fucking work yet, and she was stuck at her dad's house all day, and most nights.

Therefore, she had nothing to do really, which made me feel bad. She knew that she was able to stay here during the day if she wanted, and some days she did. Those days were the best when I found her in the living room on the couch, or even already asleep in bed. Residency had barely started, and yet I missed her like crazy on most days.

" I'm sorry."

" Don't apologize. I knew what I was getting into, and even the little amount of time is worth it. It's just...Look, we spent basically all summer together; sleeping in rooms a door away. I saw you every day, not every second but it's just different now. We'll be alright, make time to see each other."

I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers, wrapping my arms around her waist and rolling us onto our sides. Her leg kicked free and I felt it hitch over my hip, the back of her knee against my hip and her leg curled around mine.

I grasped her backside in both of my hands and pushed her against me, moaning against her lips. Her hands tangled in my hair, tugging at it as she moaned back at me.

" EDWARD! I'm taking a shower, man. Don't let me interrupt all the damn moaning behind this door, just wanted to let you know!" I heard Jasper shout behind the door.

Bella pulled away from me, sitting up with her hand on my arm to hold herself up.

" You don't think he heard... last night?"

" Don't worry about it. The fucker would have made another snide comment."

She nodded, laying back against me and kissing me chastely. I grabbed her leg and hitched her leg around me again, hearing her small giggle against my neck. I rubbed her bare thigh with my hand, feeling the soft, creamy skin under my hand.

" You're making it really hard to resist just having my wicked way with you." she whispered

" You can do anything you fucking want with me."

Her arms wrapped around my neck and she sighed against me. " I know."

I rested my hand behind her neck, breathing in her scent.

" You're beautiful."

She laughed, " You don't have to butter me up."

" I'm serious."

" Well, thank you. You're pretty beautiful yourself."

" Now who's buttering someone up?"

" Oh, shush. You're beautiful to me."

I sighed against her neck and she shifted underneath me.

" I'm going to have to get dressed."

" Mm, how about you stay here all day and I'll be back later."

I looked up into her eyes and she was smiling down at me, gently running her fingers through my hair. I rested my head on her stomach, struggling to wrap my arms around her with the blanket. We lay in this position for awhile until I told her I needed to get into the shower. Reluctantly I left my warm bed, with my naked girlfriend in it, and went to the shower.

It didn't even take having sex to make me feel on the top of the fucking world today. I showered quickly and went back to my room, and she was just finished making my bed, dressed in her t-shirt and skinny jeans from yesterday, with her converse on. I grabbed onto her waist and she squealed

I just had on a red t-shirt, jeans and my boots. I stepped out the window and sat on the stairs going up to the roof, taking out a cigarette and lighting it up, taking a long, deep drag from it. I felt relaxed, but I hadn't had a smoke in awhile.

Bella peaked her head out the window, leaning forward to kiss my cheek.

" I'm going to head on home. I'll see you, soon?"

" Call me before you go to bed tonight."

She nodded and I took my cigarette out of my mouth to give her a proper kiss, then she stole my cigarette out of my hand and ran with it. I slid into the bedroom, not too smoothly because I tripped and fell on the ground.

" ISABELLA!"

That was my last fucking cigarette.

I got up quickly, jumping over my bed and into the living room. Bella was tying a shoelace with the cigarette hanging out of her mouth. When she saw me she stood up straight.

" Give me the cigarette."

" No."

" It's my last one, I don't have time to get a new pack today, so hand it the fuck over."

She smiled, cocking her head to the side and taking a deep drag. I grabbed at her and got a hold of her wrist, pulling her against me. Suddenly I felt a sharp burn on my arm and I immediately jumped away.

That feeling of a cigarette against my skin was not unknown. I flinched away from her, backing against the wall.

" Edward! Oh my god, are you okay?"

She didn't mean to hurt me was what I repeated over and over in my head.

I closed my eyes, trying to take deep breaths and calm myself down.

" What the fuck happened in here!" I heard Jasper yell.

" He grabbed me, the cigarette burned him. I didn't..."

" Go and get his pills, in the cabinet in the bathroom."

I heard Bella run off, her shoes tapping loudly on the hard floor

" Edward, man. She didn't mean to, Bella didn't want to hurt you."

My heart was stuttering but racing at the same time, I leaned over, gasping and not being able to get a hold of myself to calm down. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and a pill being pushed into my hand, quickly I put it in my mouth, swallowing it dry, and then taking a sip of the water.

" I have to get going. Are you okay with him?

" Yeah, fine. It's alright."

I heard the door slam loudly, and I was still seized against the wall. I felt Bella next to me.

" Edward, I'm so sorry." she whispered in my ear.

" It's fine."

" It's not."

" My father used to do that to me, on purpose. It just, brought it back."

" You know I didn't do it on purpose don't you?"

I nodded. " Of course."

~\\~

Once I had calmed down enough, Bella left and I headed off to class with a heavy feeling in my body. I really was not in the mood for anything today, I was exhausted and the Xanax was making it fucking worse.

When my two classes were over, I headed back to the apartment to change into nicer clothes, there I found a pack of cigarette's. I wondered how they fuck she got in here, but I didn't say anything except sending her a text to thank her for it.

After a cigarette, a piss, and a change of clothes I headed off to the hospital.

Immediately we were thrown into rooms taking blood, blood pressure and testing blood sugar. It was a damn busy day, and we were still keeping to the simple shit. As weird as it probably fucking sounds, I wanted to reset broken bones; actually do all this stuff alone.

But I knew that I had awhile to go. We were still just learning how to correctly take blood so I shouldn't be pushing the doctors anyways. As I took three tubes of blood from a teenager who came in claiming bad pain in her abdomen. When I got the needle in and started getting the tubes, I took off the rubber band I tied around her arm.

" Good job, Edward." Dr. Levine said.

Once I was finished I put gauze on the spot and put a bandaid over it quickly. After that I took her blood pressure, which was just slightly higher then normal, but nothing of a big deal, then checked her pulse, which seemed a little fast, but I would imagine being a bit nervous with a learning doctor working on you, and dealing with pain. Her mother sat next to her, holding her hand as I filled out her chart with Dr. Levine watching me.

When I was finished I put the chart on the door outside. I was praised for a job well done.

Being here; doing this. It made me feel normal.

**Authors Note- That is just the beginning. I hope you are all enjoying the story so far. I can't believe I am already at chapter 21! I will try my best to have an update next Wednesday.**

**Previous Question (My answer)- Do you have any pets?**

**I in fact do have many. I am part of a breeding program of dogs, therefore I am around dogs a lot of my extra time. I also have a two…three…I don't know what age, but I have a cat, and a fish, which I just bought randomly, no clue as to why.**

**New Question!- Ever been burned with a cigarette?**


	22. Birthday Cake Disasters

**Authors Note- I can't express how sorry I am I wasn't able to get this out. I barely had time for Ambivalence, and it took me until December 26th, half past midnight, to even start this document. For that, I am sorry. It's not my lack of idea's or writers block, it's being busy. But I've got some time on my hands recently.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

September 13th

Saturday

~\\~

Today, I had specifically taken work off so that I could spend the entire day with Bella to do whatever she wanted on her twenty third Birthday, I also had tomorrow off. I think this was a first. I'd actually went out and bought a gift for her. I even went to the liberty to attempt to bake her a cake, which, of course, didn't work out very great from the start.

She was spending most of the day with her father, and then she was coming over here and I was supposed to be making her dinner and dessert, on my own choice. I did this to be the nice boyfriend, because I'm always fucking busy and I don't see her too often. Jasper was being kicked out of here later on, because I convinced him to stay at his parents so Bella and I would be alone.

Yesterday had been extremely fucking busy at the hospital; I was shocked I even got through the day. There was a flurry or broken bones, people passing out and being carried in by family. There was even a senile old lady that had come in, thinking this was her 'magical palace', claiming that her 'prince' was here. Her life was apparently a fucked up fairy tale inside of her head.

A little boy came in with a broken arm, to which had to be set and we watched Dr. Levine set the broken bone.

Now since we were working in a hospital, this first year was a lot about basic emergency check-outs, physicals, blood taking and transfusions. With the emergency check-outs, you could get anything. Someone who blew their hand off with a firework sliced their hand open, got bit by an animal or something equally as crazy. Obviously we didn't deal with it all the time, because most emergency patients had to be handled with trained doctors immediately instead of us being taught by Dr. Kane or Dr. Levine. Of course we didn't just take care of the people slowly, but some need a quicker pace to be assisted.

But today I was off at the hospital, and I didn't have the library because I asked Jane to take my hours, she was an employee also. Jane was a very shy girl, but she was really genuinely nice girl.

The night before, I went and picked up four boxes of Betty **Crocker** German chocolate mix, and the coconut frosting stuff that went with it. That was apparently her favorite, and I bought two extra boxes in case. I was making a two layer cake, how hard could it possibly be? I could figure this shit out.

I bought some black, apparently glossy, icing to write on the cake, and a pack of twenty four candles. I'd gotten up at nine, took a shower and gotten dressed. Jasper was basically breaking out his fucking camera, and it pissed me off that he doubted my baking skills.

" It's a fucking cake. Anybody can make a cake."

I mixed the batter in two separate bowls per package, not wanting to put it together because I wanted both layers to be the same size. Knowing me if I did it other way, I would fuck it up. I had the oven ready and **pre**-heated, timer set and everything. I mixed all the ingredients with the powdery mix, and then put them in the spring form pans, which apparently is what they are called.

Measuring, pouring and mixing were not hard, and I made sure to mix it well. After I poured the batter into the pans, I put them both in the oven, started the timer and sat my ass on the couch to wait.

Only five minutes later I was out of my seat because smoke was flooding into the room and the alarms were going off.

I didn't secure the clasp on the spring form pans and the batter leaked to the bottom of the oven and burned. They both weren't tightened, which made for a lot of oozing batter. I was fucking screwed, and the biggest idiot on the face of the Earth.

I swear the fucking fire department was here within five minutes of the smoke alarm going off, but there was no fire, just thick grey smoke. The building had been fucking evacuated because my neighbor thought there was a fire in the apartment when it started flooding into the hallways. We were all shuffled outside into the chill air, and the police ignored me trying to explain and basically burst into the apartment, the door creaking on its hinges. The entire apartment was smoked up, but nothing was obviously ruined.

" EVERYONE, YOU CAN GO BACK TO YOUR APARTMENTS, IT WAS ONLY SMOKE FROM A BAKING ACCIDENT."

They basically announced my embarrassment, which pissed me the fuck off but I could do nothing. Jasper was laughing his ass off over this, and that made me shove him away. They told me, of course, to be very careful next time. I could see the amusement in their eyes, and the ones that were containing laughter. I would have given the sons of a bitches the fucking finger if they weren't cops.

I was let in to the apartment, and after cleaning up the bottom of the stove; I started again. As I mixed up the batter for the next two, my cell phone started to go off from my pocket and I put the whisk down to grab it. I answered it and heard Bella's voice flooding through my phone.

" Hey, how's everything?"

" Fine,"

I'd tell her my fuck-up later.

" Are you sure?"

" Are you suspecting I did something?" I asked, still mixing with my phone between my ear and shoulder.

" No."

" Okay, Birthday Girl. What are you doing?"

" Lunch with my dad, he's in the washroom so I decided to call you. What's for dinner tonight?"

" Secret."

" Fine! Fine! Don't tell me anything. I'll talk to you later. Bye, green eyes."

" Bye, sunshine."

I hung up the phone and put it back in my pocket.

" Bye, sunshine." Jasper mocked in a **girly** voice.

" Shut the fuck up, Jasper."

He laughed and took a swig of his Budweiser. I don't know how he drank that shit, I couldn't stand it.

I poured the two second batches of batter in the spring form pans, making sure this time it was fucking secure. I didn't know how I didn't notice the first time, maybe when it set it in the oven it made it loosened the clasp or some shit. After securing it, resetting the timer and making sure everything was fine, I put it in.

I grabbed the icing and unscrewed the cap, taking off the little plastic cover and screwing on the thin plastic tip to write with. I mixed up the frosting for the cake, and it looked pretty good, I'd admit it.

Once the timer went off, I took the cakes out and set them to cool off, apparently that was needed. Afterwards I unclasped the clasp on the spring form pan. It was almost too perfect. I put the pans in the sink and put the first layer on the plate, coating it kind of sloppily, but I couldn't do fucking better. After that one was covered I put the next layer on and finished it off. I just had enough of the coconut frosting, and I used the rubber spatula to smooth it on as best as I could.

" That looks good." Jasper noted.

" Fuck yeah it does."

I grabbed the icing and started to ice, ' Happy 23rd Birthday Bella! '. Naturally I had good writing, and I made sure to take it slow on the cake so it would look nice. Once I was finished I put it right in the fridge. The cake looked pretty nice, if I do say so myself. All that mattered was that Bella fucking loved it. That's what it came down to.

I wiped down the counters and washed my dishes that I used. Jasper smirked at me and I glared right back at him.

" Take that, fucker."

He laughed and I finished cleaning up the kitchen for the second time, making sure there was nothing that said I made a damn mess. Once I was finished I went into my bedroom and cleaned it up a little bit. It wasn't a fucking mess, but not completely cleaned up. I made my bed and straightened my school things, not wanting Bella to trip over stray books. Not that I was being all fucking conceited and sure we would end up in here later.

Although I really hoped we would later on.

After about forty minutes of straightening up the place, it was around three and I wanted to check on the cake to see how it was looking. I opened up the fridge, and yelled out a loud ' Fuck' when I saw it. The fucking thing was lopsided, and the top layer almost sliding all the way off the bottom layer. I took it out as quickly as I could and Jasper walked over, letting out a low whistle upon seeing it.

" Nice."

I grabbed a butter knife and tried to fix it carefully, not wanting to put my hands all over it and screw it up. Even when I got it right on top, it started to fall over once again. I groaned loudly, trying to figure out a way to fix it so that it could cool completely and still.

" Get me the kebab sticks, now."

Jasper grabbed the sticks we had in the back of the drawer, and I put them in the cake to still it. Stabbing four through the layers to make sure it stayed.

It looked so damn stupid

I put the damn cake in the fridge, not wanting to stare at my failure, and kicked the side of the couch in anger.

" One night, one night to be perfect, and this happens! Damn it all to hell."

" Dude, she won't care."

" Yeah, she will. She's a fucking girl."

" The kind of girl that would love it no matter what. Bella loves fucking anything, don't worry about it man. Now, I've got to head to my parents. See you tomorrow, have a good night and don't wake the neighbors."

" Jasper, shut up."

He grabbed his keys, a coat and headed out the apartment door. I'd convinced him to stay at his parents so that I could spend time alone with Bella tonight and let it be just us. She would fucking love that alone as a gift also. I knew she was always a little bit paranoid when we fooled around at times Jasper was home, it didn't fucking bother me. I'd hear enough from him and Alice at the house, he could deal with me for a change.

I grabbed the pasta from the cabinet and started the boiling water. I had one for pasta, and one for the lobsters I had sitting in the fridge right now.

Originally, I had planned on keeping it simple; really simple.

But Bella had expressed a few favorite dishes of hers and I just had to go all out for her. Something that she expressed a liking to was mushroom lasagna.

Yeah, mushroom. Not just fucking regular lasagna.

I grabbed the lasagna noodles and put them into the pot to cook. Esme had helped me out a lot with this. **Carlisle** was actually very much Italian, and there was a recipe that Esme had that sounded good, so after a half hour on the phone of listening to her walk me through it. I had it written down and I was ready to do it.

Basically I had regular white mushrooms, then **Portobello**'s and **shitake's**. Those were cut up and **sautéed** in garlic, butter and other herb seasonings. I had many packages of fresh **Parmesan** and mozzarella that also is included in the recipe.

For the lobster I had a salad, and that was also help from Esme with how to cook the lobster. I basically had to cut down its back shell down the middle with one slit, and squeeze some butter and lemon into it. It had to bake in the oven for a short white after being boiled, that way the lemon and butter could incorporate. It was fucking hard to do all this, but I did it. I had arugula, and a simple, lemon, olive oil, salt and pepper salad dressing recipe. In the salad I also had cucumber, avocado and oddly enough; grapefruit. It sounded very random, but according to Esme it was common and tasted good.

When I had the noodles, the mushroom mix, mozzarella and **Parmesan** cheese, and a fully greased pan, I layered it on; noodles, cheese, mushroom, noodles, cheese, and mushrooms. I ended it with a perfect layer of the lasagna noodles and finished up the cheese right on top. It looked perfect, and I only hoped it would turn out okay, and somewhat edible.

I put it right into the oven and put the time on for it to start cooking. It looked fucking good, I didn't fail. When the lobster was done I put the salad together, cut up all needed things, the fucking avocado the hardest, and put it right in the fridge after making the dressing. It was pretty simple and basic, no rocket science.

It was already five and I had an hour. I took another shower, put on a pair of dark Levi's and a white t-shirt. Instead of my usual boots, I put my Nike's on and laced them up. I put on a green button down and tried to mess with my hair but it was a fail.

I'd already shaved this morning, so all I did was re-brush my teeth and I was finished. I squirted on cologne and headed into the kitchen to check on the lasagna, which was basically done. Everything was mostly cooked, the cheese just needed to melt on the lasagna, so that everything would be melted and put together.

When I opened the fridge for a bottle of water, that's when I realized...

I forgot the fucking wine.

And we were not having beer with dinner, fucking Budweiser. I cursed under my breath and I saw that it was five thirty. I quickly grabbed my keys and phone, making sure the oven was off before leaving the apartment in a haste to get there quickly.

When I got to the store, it was fucking dead, and I quickly ran to the wine aisle to find a good bottle of white wine with dinner. I darted through the aisles, trying to find something good. I picked up some nice white wine that looked familiar. Esme always had us have white or red wine when we were at dinner, and I grabbed a familiar bottle of white wine I knew was good. It wasn't cheap, but I wasn't about to give my girl cheap wine.

I flew to the cashier, and she literally took for-fucking-ever scanning and typing on that stupid computer. First she carded me, and then she kept smacking her grape scented gum in my direction as she batted her lashes.

" Need a friend to help drink this?"

" It's for my girlfriend. I don't need a fucking friend."

She seemed taken aback by how harshly I spoke, and I grabbed the bottle and walked out with the receipt. I drove as quickly as I could back to the apartment, without going over the speed limit too much to give me attention. As I walked into the apartment, it was already five fifty and I had to get moving.

I put a white sheet over the square table and grabbed the two, tall red candles I had bought yesterday at Hallmark. I lit them with my lighter and grabbed the vase with a bouquet of white and red roses in them from the kitchen.

They were carefully placed in the middle of the table, the candles around them but sure not to be touching. I plated the food, putting the salad in a separate bowl, and the dressing in a tall glass dressing pitcher. Luckily the food was still fucking hot, and I was in the clear.

I opened the wine and poured it in glasses just as I heard a knock on the apartment door. I put the bottle down, putting the cork half way in, and smoothed my shirt down before answering. She stood on the other side, wearing a beautiful midnight blue cocktail dress. A sweetheart neckline I think it what it was called, with thin straps. It clung to her chest and torso and flowed out maybe two inches above her knee. She had on a pair of black heels, three inches at the highest.

Her hair was down in curls, and she had on just a little bit of makeup. She was fucking beautiful with nothing on her face, girls with all that shit on their face don't attract me. A little can go a fucking long way, and this girl in front of me looked damn beautiful.

She stepped in and her arms wrapped around my neck. I snaked my arm around her waist and she sighed against me.

" I missed you."

" Happy Birthday."

" **Mmm**, thank you. It smells amazing in here."

I pulled away from her and turned around, standing Bella in front of me. She gasped when her eyes caught the table, and I wrapped my arms around her from behind, kissing the side of her neck.

" Edward..."

" Mushroom lasagna, anyone?"

" You made all of this. Oh my god...Edward, I can't believe…"

" Fucking shocked the living hell out of you." I chuckled.

She stepped out of my arms and over to the table after setting her overnight bag down, before reaching the table she paused and walked back towards me, pressing our lips together sweetly. I caressed her back before releasing her and moving away to pull her chair out. She sat down in her seat and I pushed the chair in before seating myself.

" Mushroom lasagna and...lobster salad with grapefruit?"

" **Mhm**."

" Thank you so much. This means more to me than any gift."

" And Jasper will be gone all night." I added.

Bella smiled and picked up her fork. First she poured a little bit of dressing on the salad and then handed it to me. The girl went straight for the lasagna, and made the sexiest moan I've ever heard her make with the first bite. She licked her lips and set her fork down, wiping her mouth with the napkin.

" This is amazing, Edward." she said, taking a sip of the wine and then setting it down, " And the wine is delicious."

" The cashier hit on me when I bought it."

Her eyes narrowed. " What?"

" She was fucking harmless. All she offered was someone for me to share the wine with."

" You're mine."

" I know, sunshine."

" Green eyes?"

" **Hmm**."

" I can't imagine my life without you anymore." she said.

I stopped mid forkful.

She wasn't going to be popping any, I love **you's**, was she?

Of course I cared about Bella so very intensely and deeply, but I wasn't sure how I felt about love this early in the relationship. Although I was always very surprised by how strongly she made me feel, I wasn't sure if I was at the brink of love right now. Bella meant a lot to me, and I hoped she knew that.

" I appreciate this...All of it. You mean so much to me; I don't know what I'd do without you."

I let out a breath and she glanced at me. " Are you alright?"

" I'm fine."

" You...Thought I was going to tell you that I love you?" she guessed.

I couldn't lie to her.

" Yeah."

" Edward, I...I feel so strongly towards you sometimes that I feel like I can't contain myself. But I think that I'm getting there with love. I mean...I can feel it certain moments when we are together. When we share intimate moments or you just do something nice." she said gently, and I could tell she was saying in a way to not hurt my feelings. " Does that make sense?"

I completely understood what she was saying. There were some moments where it wanted to slip out, but I didn't think I was fully in love with her yet. I knew I was falling fucking hard and fast, but I could tell that was mutual.

" I'm practically on the same fucking page as you, I know what you mean." I stated, taking a drink of the wine.

Then there was the awkward silence. That lasted for about ten minutes until I heard her fork being set down on her plate.

" Are we done with dinner?" I asked her, standing up.

Her plate was mostly empty, but she probably knew that I had dessert for her, and her salad bowl was completely empty. I stacked our plates, and while grabbing hers I leaned over to kiss her forehead. She smiled and I put the plates quickly in the dishwasher after rinsing them.

Bella stood up and came towards me just as I opened the fridge to grab the cake.

" Hey, what are you doing?"

" I want to see my cake."

I glared and took it out.

" What the hell?" she asked with a bubble of laughter.

I set it down and grabbed a butter knife, taking out the kebab sticks and smoothing the frosting over the holes. She was laughing quietly against my shoulder, and I rolled my eyes at her. It was stilling because it was completely cold, and I was glad that it wasn't falling apart on me. That would have been a fucking disaster.

" It looks great, Edward."

I tossed the butter knife into the sink and grabbed the candles, putting them in the cake as she watched.

" You shouldn't be watching me do this. Go sit."

" Ed-"

" Sit."

She sighed and walked over to the table. I put in all twenty four, one being for good luck and I grabbed my lighter from the counter. I lit one candle and went through all of them quickly before sticking that one back. I carried the cake, glad that it was not falling over, and set it in front of Bella. I quickly hit the lights and saw only the glow of the candles in the apartment

" Are you going to sing to me?"

" Do I have to?"

" Please?"

I sighed and rested my hands on her shoulders, singing quietly the Happy Birthday song to her. Bella smiled the entire time and that made me happy, even if I didn't want to fucking sing to her. Slowly I bent down and put my lips close to her ear.

" Make a wish."

Slowly Bella took a huge intake of breath and let it out, taking all of the candles out at once which was impressive. I kissed her neck and flipped the light back on and grabbed two plates, two forks and a knife from the drawer.

" What was your wish?"

" If I tell you it won't come true."

" Was it to be with me forever?" I teased.

" Maybe." she said in a wistful voice.

I moved my chair to the side next to her instead of across. She cut two pieces, putting both of them onto the plates. Bella basically dug face first into the cake, eagerly eating forkfuls.

" How many tries?" she said, knowing me so well," This is really good."

" Second time. First time the fire department evacuated the building."

She took a sip of her wine, smiling against the rim. " Liar."

" I'm not kidding. I didn't secure the pan and it burned on the bottom. No fire, just smoke. It was a fucking disaster and I was laughed at."

" Nothing is dull with you."

I smiled, " You know it, sunshine."

Once we finished up with the cake, Bella turned off the lights and we took the dinner candles to the coffee table and poured more wine. After cleaning the plates we sat on the couch together, quiet music playing in the background.

She lay in my arms, taking a small sip of wine from her glass. I put both of ours down on the coffee table and she traced my collarbone over my shirt. I rested my head on the pillow against the arm rest, feeling her hand move down my chest and stomach. Her lips pressed against my neck, gently biting and licking.

" I thought it was your Birthday."

" Mmm, that's right. So let me do what I want."

" I have your gift."

" What is it?"

I sat up, moving Bella off of me to sit on the couch as I went to my bedroom to grab the small box. The black bow was tied perfectly and I smiled as I walked back to the couch. I sat down next to her and she took the gift.

" Edward, jewelry? You don't have to."

" But I wanted to."

" Not too early in the relationship to buy me something expensive?"

" Not unless you plan on leaving me."

She smiled and untied the bow on the Kay box. After setting the ribbon down, she opened up the box, and inside was a pair of real pearl earrings, they were not big, but not too small; a good size for her small ears.

Almost immediately she took them right out and put them on. She launched herself into my arms and pressed her lips to mine.

" They are so beautiful, Edward." she murmured against my lips.

" I'm glad you like them."

" I love them."

I pressed my hand against her back and my lips found hers once more. She was trying to get up so we could get to my bedroom, and I pulled away from her to blow the candles out. We blindly walked towards my room, basically stumbling and tripping into the room and onto my bed, I heard a loud bang and something crashing, but I was too immersed in Bella to care. I pressed her into the mattress and I heard her shoes hit the floor with her kicking them off. She pushed me onto my back and straddled my waist, resting her hands on my chest and letting her hands trail downwards. I leaned up, still fighting for dominance with our tongues as I stripped off my button down.

Bella took both sides of my face in her hands and slanting her mouth on mine to kiss me deeper. I pressed her into me further, moaning into her mouth. I felt her body melt into mine, and I ran my hand over the zipper of her dress, pulling it down slowly.

The way her body moved against me felt amazing, and how perfect she fit against me. Her body molded to mine. I pulled the straps of her dress down and gasped at what she had on underneath. She was wearing a tight lace corset, pushing up her chest and it went to her hips where there was a garter belt that held up the nude stockings she had on.

I grazed my hand on her thigh, unclipping the garter clips and sliding them off her legs and off completely. Bella let me quickly get my shoes off before pushing me back down for her attack. I wrapped my arms around her waist.

" Edward." she quietly breathed.

" Hmm?"

" You make me feel like I'm worth something, that I'm important and needed."

" You are." I moaned as she licked and sucked my neck.

I wrestled her onto her back and clasped my hands with hers, spreading our arms above our bodies. I'd never felt so alive in my entire fucking life.

~\\~

" YOU PUT THE BOOM -BOOM INTO MY HEART. YOU SEND MY SOUL SKY HIGH WHEN YOUR LOVIN' STARTS. JITTERBUG INTO MY BRAIN. GOES A BANG-BANG-BANG 'TIL MY FEET DO THE SAME."

This morning, Jasper was going to fucking die.

After a very amazing (and oh so satisfying) night, I awoke to the sound of WHAM! booming through the apartment. Bella moved around in my arms, being awoken by Jasper's obnoxious eighties music. I held her against my chest and she wrapped her arms tightly around me, her small hands gripping my back. I froze slightly, but tried to relax, when her hand grazed a scar.

" What's going on?" she whispered quietly.

" Jasper is being a fucking prick."

She buried her face in my chest and sighed. I curled my body against hers and felt her hand move over my back. I knew she could feel the damn scars that dipped into my back, and the ones that were raised.

" Bella..."

" I won't look." she whispered.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and closed my eyes, feeling my body relax into her. Her fingers brushed over the scars, running the tips of her fingers down the length of them. When she felt one of the ones from the last beating from that night, she gasped. Those were probably the deepest, and those dipped into my back.

He'd used his box cutter for those three, and in the hospital they ran test after test to make sure I didn't have any infections from when he pulled a knives on me. The ones from the box cutter did in fact give me infections, and that was a disaster. Some of my fucking skin on my back just fell the fuck off, and they had to leave everything wrapped up and not stitched, because if they tried to sew it up, it only loosened the skin and muscles, making it fall off. That shit was disgusting. Eventually they were able to fix it up and make sure that it would heal. It was extremely painful because it hurt like hell to lay on my back, and my ribs had been broken, either way I was always in a lot of fucking pain in that hospital.

Her hands stopped moving and she covered her face with them. I looked down at her, hoping that she wasn't disgusted with me. At that moment I felt my eyes slightly gloss over with tears. Suddenly her arms wound around me and she buried her face in my neck.

" The image of somebody doing that to you just..."

I felt a tear drop against my neck, and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her on top of me and making sure her bottom half was covered. I rubbed her back gently.

" Don't cry, okay? Please don't fucking cry over it."

She wiped her tears and shook her head. " Why?"

" Because it happened a long fucking time ago. I'm okay now."

" No you aren't."

" Bella."

" I see it in your eyes that it hurts you. Everyone may not see it, but I do."

She kept her arms wound around me and I turned her on her back, nudging my lips against hers. Her lips pressed against mine more firm, and I grabbed her leg, hooking it around my hip.

" You know, we're naked, the door is unlocked, your ass is showing, and Jasper is here. You like to live dangerous. Are we going to have sex with him here?"

" We aren't having sex until I say we do."

" Oh, yeah. Why is that?"

" Until I find the perfect moment."

" You know I don't need that though, right."

" I want you to remember every single second and moment of us together. I don't want it to be quick or sloppy."

Bella kissed me softly, and I moved us to lie on our side, keeping her leg hooked on my hip. Her chest pressed against mine, hands tangling through my hair. I moved my lips down her jaw and neck, licking and sucking the skin.

" HEY! LOVEBIRDS? IF YOU'RE DONE SEXIN' UP THE ROOM, YOU COULD CLEAN UP YOUR MESS FROM LAST NIGHT! YOU FUCKING BROKE THE TABLE LAMP WHEN YOU KNOCKED IT OVER LAST NIGHT!"

I groaned and pulled away from her.

" Do we have to get up?"

" I do. You can stay here though."

" I should get dressed, and take a shower."

" I'll go hop in quick and you can go after me, is that alright?"

She nodded and I grabbed my boxers, quickly putting them on and a wife beater. I heaved myself up from the bed and Bella giggled. I walked out of the bedroom after retrieving clothes, closing the door and heading straight for the bathroom.

When I looked in the mirror, my hair was a fucking mess. It was everywhere, and I fucking mean everywhere. Quickly I got into the shower, enjoying the feeling of the warm spray on my skin. I hated the feeling of dried sweat.

After finishing up in the shower, I quickly dressed and brushed my teeth. I didn't feel like shaving, so I just skipped it and walked back to the bedroom. I tossed my clothes in the basket and looked over towards the bed.

Bella was curled completely around the pillow that I usually sleep on, her cheek resting gently on it and her arm draped over it, covering her chest partially. The blanket ran low on her small hips, the creamy skin of her back and stomach exposed. Her ruby lips were slightly parted, and her hair was laying over her arm and the pillow. She was fucking adorable.

I grabbed the blanket and put it up to her chin, keeping her warm. I also grabbed the comforter that lie on the floor and draped that over her. Neither of us got much sleep last night, and she probably needed rest.

I walked into the living room and saw the broken lamp, Jasper smirked at me from the couch.

" Good night, I suppose?"

" Mhm."

" That all you're giving me?"

" What the fuck do you want to know?" I asked, grabbing a broom and dust pan.

" Damn. I thought after you would get laid and start having regular sex you'd be a little less edgy."

" Well, I didn't appreciate being woken up by WHAM!. If you didn't expect us being tired, you thought wrong."

" Oh, don't get your fucking panties in a twist."

I cleaned up the glass and tossed it in the trash, knowing that I would probably have to go out and buy another one later. I wasn't surprised we ran into the damn lamp, we'd been stumbling to my bedroom in the damn dark trying to get to my room.

Once I was finished I went back into my bedroom, still seeing Bella all huddled up against the pillow underneath the blankets. I sat outside on the stairs outside, having a cigarette and looking at Bella from the window.

She looked absolutely beautiful, and when I see her like this, I don't know how I deserved someone like her. In my eyes, she was a fucking goddess, I was lucky to have her. Once I finished up my cigarette I climbed back through the window, running a hand through my hair.

Just then her cell phone went off, and I saw Bella move around, being rustled out of sleep. I grabbed for her phone and saw it was Alice; quickly I picked it up and was met with loud screeching.

" ISABELLA SWAN! YOU DIDN'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE LAST NIGHT! WHAT WE YOU DOING WITH MY BROTHER YOU DIRTY BIRD? Did you guys have sex last night! I know you were hoping, so you better give me details."

" Alice, why the fuck are you calling my girlfriend a dirty bird, and asking her about our sex life."

Silence.

" So you have a sex life now?"

" Fuck, Alice. None of your business."

" Bella will tell me later."

" What the hell is up with girls talking about their sexual encounters, like every detail."

" I don't know. But apparently you are amazing with your-"

" How the fuck..You shouldn't know that shit."

" I do."

" That's sick, you call me your brother and want to know how good I am in bed?"

" Hey, Bella needs someone to talk to. So, did you guys have sex?"

I rolled my eyes. " No, Alice."

" Better get all up in that quick, Bella's been a little hyped lately."

" I'll have her call you later, okay?"

" Where is she?"

" Asleep."

" Oooh, okay. Bye, love you!"

" Love you, too, crazy."

I hung up the phone and tossed it aside, lying up close to Bella. Her eyes popped open and she glared at me.

" You answered my phone."

" It was Alice."

" Oh, god."

" So, you can sit and tell her how badly you want to have sex with me, but you say nothing to me?"

" You said you wanted to make it perfect. I didn't want to ruin that by saying I want to jump your bones."

I sighed, " You have to tell me what you are thinking."

" I want to wait...until you find that perfect moment." she said in a quiet voice.

She sat up and leaned into me, her head resting on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head, sighing.

" Or do you just not...want to?"

" Trust me, I want to." I started, " But I want it to be right. Not just because we are just raving hormones. I want to make love to you, not...fuck you."

" Did you make love to all of your other girlfriends?"

" No."

" Why am I different?"

" Because you mean more to me than they ever did, or ever will. They were selfish bitches."

Bella smiled, " I'm selfish; when it comes to you."

" That's a good selfish."

" Mmm, good. Well, I need to shower. I feel like a mess and my skin feels gross."

" You look beautiful."

" Sure, Edward."

I pulled her down for a moment to kiss her lips, and she grabbed some of her clothes that she brought. I sighed as she left the room with my bed sheet wrapped around her. I heard a whistle from Jasper and I rolled my eyes. Suddenly I heard something light fall by my door, and I saw it was the sheet.

" TEASE!" I shouted

I heard her laugh and I grabbed it from the floor to make my bed. By the time I finished with my bed and had been pulling up the internet on my computer, the shower turned off in the bathroom. I checked my mail real quick, and ten minutes later Bella emerged in a black v-neck, a pair of tight skinny jeans and the heels from last night. The shirt clung to everything, and I looked at her, smiling.

" You're only trouble, green eyes." Bella said, ruffling my hair and kissing my temple.

I laughed and got out of my desk chair, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her to me. She rested her forehead on my chest and I rocked side to side with her in my arms.

" Want to go out and get something for breakfast? I'm fucking starving."

" Yeah, that'd be great."

I tilted her face up to look at me, and her eyes blazed with happiness. I rested my forehead on hers, and I saw her smile widen even further. With a quick lift of my arms, I had her up in my arms. She laughed, throwing her head back. I kissed her neck softly, feeling her quiet moan vibrate against my lips.

" Mmm, come on before I drag us to bed." Bella said, hopping down.

" I wouldn't argue." I said, capturing her again and pressing my lips to hers.

" Edward, come on."

I slanted my mouth over hers and kissed her deeper, and I felt her melt into my arms, her arms and legs like jello. Her soft lips moved against mine just as eagerly, and I fucking enjoyed it.

" Edwa-...Mmm...Green eyes..." she murmured in a quiet moan. " Come on, we got to...Edward."

Just then she ripped herself out of my embrace, " No more, let's go."

I rolled my eyes, grabbing my cell phone, keys and a jacket. " Don't stand there and pretend you didn't fucking enjoy it."

She smiled, " I did. You have really soft lips by the way."

Bella disappeared out of the room and I followed after her quickly. I heard her quiet laughter, and saw her put a light coat on in the living room. I helped her through the sleeves, kissing the side of her neck as I helped. Bella grabbed her phone and kept her car keys on the table.

She suggested we just go to Starbucks and get some coffee and muffins, something easy. When we got there, Bella took a seat at the table at my request and I went to give in the order.

" Can I get a Cinnamon Dolce Latte, an Espresso Macchiato, two slices of Marble Pound cake, A butter croissant, a chocolate croissant and an Asiago Bagel, regular cream cheese. Both drink a Grande, extra whipped cream on the Cinnamon Dolce Latte."

After giving me the total I scanned my Debit and typed in my pin. I sat back down by Bella and she gazed at.

" Who do you expect to eat all that?"

" Us, my sunshine."

We sat and talked quietly for a moment before our order was called out, and I stood up to retrieve it. Bella helped me out and we took it to our table, spreading it out. Bella loved chocolate croissants, which is why I picked it out for her, and I took the butter one. We each had a slice of marble pound cake, and we shared the asiago bagel, half and half.

As Bella took a sip of her cinnamon latte, I noticed her looking at me with a beautiful smile on her face.

" Why the fuck are you staring at me like that?" I asked with a quiet laugh.

" You've changed a lot."

" What do you mean?"

" You always looked so...miserable. Now I just see a light in your eyes, you smile a lot more than when I saw in the beginning of summer. Alice...she always said that you were always sad and quiet, distancing yourself from family and being guarded. I saw it, but now you're so different."

" It's because of you."

" Why?"

" Because, you just...lit up my life like a flame. I can't fucking imagine not having you by my side."

She smiled and held my hand over the table. I leaned forward and kissed her softly. Nobody was in here besides the barista that was sitting on a stool reading. She slowly pulled away from me, resting her hand on my cheek.

Just then I heard the jingle of the door and Bella set her hand down, not wanting to show too much affection in a public place in front of people. For some reason, I just looked up and I had no fucking clue why.

Because standing right there, only a few feet across from, me was the person that I thought I'd never see again in my entire life.

**Authors Note- I sure as hell hoped this was worth it. I apologize sincerely for the delay, I never thought it would take this long, but I hope to get on track and update sooner next time!**

**Previous Question!(my answer)- Ever been burned with a cigarette?**

**I actually have, and I also have accidentally drank cigarette ashes when someone tapped them into a full coke can. Not tasty let me add.**

**NEW QUESTION!- Have you ever had a run in with a person that you NEVER expected to see again? If so, how were they connected to you?**

**I hope you all had a great New Year. A reat Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah; Any one you celebrate, I hope you had a good one!**

**Let me know what you think, click that little Review button below! **

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**V**


	23. Unbelievable Meetings

**Authors Note- I know...READ THE END NOTES!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

_Previously _

_Just then I heard the jingle of the door and Bella set her hand down, not wanting to show too much affection in a public place in front of people. For some reason, I just looked up and I had no fucking clue why._

Because standing right there, only a few feet across from, me was the person that I thought I'd never see again in my entire life.

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

My heart stopped dead cold in my chest, and I stilled in my seat. I felt Bella's hand rest on my thigh and I stood up, grabbing for Bella's hand frantically. She stared up at me, confused. I just wanted to get the hell out of here before this person saw me; I didn't want to look into those familiar eyes.

" Edward, wha-"

" Excuse me, sir?"

Her voice was still the same. Quiet and gentle, but still had that hint of firmness. I felt my body go into fucking lockdown and Bella stood up, looking at the spot behind me with a weird look on her face. I let out a gasp of air, my lungs started to fucking burn from holding my breath

" Who are you?" Bella asked.

I still hadn't faced her, I didn't want her to fucking see me, and I didn't want to see her face. She would know immediately who I was the moment she stared at me. No doubt, I looked just like _him_ but I had her hair color. Nobody I've ever met has the same hair color as I do.

" Elizabeth Masen...Well, Elizabeth York now."

She remarried...I could hardly believe it.

" Bella, let's go." I said in a low voice.

Bella looked so very confused, but also scared at the same time when she looked at me. This was a one in a damn million moments. My mother was here, and she was only a few feet away from me. It was fucking crazy and insane.

" Sir, have I met you?"

She'd only seen me from behind and I looked familiar to her. Bella looked between us both, and I closed my eyes before turning around and staring her straight in her eyes. I heard a loud gasp emit from her. She looked at me as if she just found something she'd been looking for, for centuries. I was fooling myself.

My mother almost looked the same, she looked maybe just slightly aged, but still the same. She still looked like my mom. I didn't know what to say, I didn't even expect myself to gather up enough fucking courage to just look at her, but here I was.

" Edward?" she whispered, her voice shaking.

" I should go."

Bella leaned into my side, and I saw my mother's eyes gleam with tears as she looked at me.

" I've been looking everywhere for you...since..."

I almost just wanted to grab Bella and leave, but on the other hand I wanted to know what the fuck she meant by ' looking everywhere '. How long was she claiming to have been looking for me? From what I knew she had moved to Chicago and was never planning on moving back. She _left._

" Since when?" I demanded.

" About two years after I left for Chicago. I called every foster care, hospital...I ended up with dead ends. Nobody knew where you were, or heard of you. I thought you were dead, or something happened. It seemed that way, nobody had any record of you even existing. "

I couldn't believe that I was hearing this. She figured that she could take a two year fucking break from being my mother to get her shit together, get remarried, and then try and look for her son to be my mother again. Of course I wouldn't be in the foster care system; I was taken right from the hospital to Carlisle and Esme's. There had been no need for foster care.

" Yeah, something did happen. I was taken in by parents who actually gave a shit about me and wanted me, unlike my mother who left me in a hospital, alone, to deal with the aftermath of what she watched my fucking father do to me for years."

" E-"

" No. I don't fucking need to hear any of this. You may be my mother...but the damage is done. Let's go, Bella."

She looked torn between leaving with me or saying something. I really wished she would just fucking listen to me for once, Bella's always been a stubborn women in the months I've known her, but I wanted just this once for her to do me a damn solid and just come with me.

" Edward, maybe you should..." Bella trailed off.

" Should what? Listen to her fucking sob story about how she looked everywhere for me. That she loved me even when she damn well left, and regretted even leaving in the first place. I won't hear that shit, because I don't believe it. Are you going to come with me or stay here, Bella?"

" Please, Edward. Can you listen to me?" I heard my mother whisper quietly.

Bella braided her fingers together and stared at me.

" I'm sorry, but I can't. Your decision was made a long fu- long time ago, and I owe you nothing. Goodbye."

Both Bella and I walked out of the coffee shop together and I walked towards the car, opening the door for Bella and then getting in myself. I sat there for a moment, just fucking shocked that this had just happened to me.

My _mother _is in that fucking coffee shop; the women who raised me, and tried her best to take care of me despite how my father treated me. It was strange, seeing her after all these years, and so many fucking emotions flooded back. But there was one that stood out most;

Abandonment.

I felt it in my bones; I could feel it in my entire being. Her abandonment hurt me the most, and I couldn't shake the feeling. It would always be there. I felt it in that hospital, when I laid in the new bed the first night at the Cullen's. With a deep sigh I started up the car, and I felt Bella's hand on my thigh, gently rubbing.

" Are you okay?"

" No."

Why should I have lied?

I drove straight back to my apartment, arriving back in only a mere ten minutes. I parked in my usual parking space and turned off the car, sitting in the silence with Bella for a moment before I felt the anger welling over. It was too much to handle right now. I slammed my hands on the steering wheel and let out a booming 'Fuck'.

" Why? Why did she have to pick fucking _today _to show up in my fucked up life. Everything has been amazing, and she just comes and ruins it and reminds me of how she left me. I remember sitting and hoping she would fucking...come back and tell me she loved me, but I felt it somewhere that she doesn't. And she comes back and says she looked everywhere for me? Fuck that, fuck it all. She didn't care."

I could feel myself losing it and Bella put her leg over the console and rested her right knee on the seat and the other knee on the other side of my thigh. Her hands rested on either side of my face and she looked at me.

" It's okay, Edward. Don't worry everything will be fine."

I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist and pulled her close to me, resting my forehead on her shoulder. I breathed in her scent, which was masked somewhat by her using my shampoo and body wash this morning.

" I know it will be okay. And I'm right here. I'll always be here for you."

Bella and I somehow made it into the apartment and we stumbled into my room. I fucking just collapsed next to her when she sat down, and I felt her hands rest over my shirt on my back.

" I don't fucking want this life anymore. The only thing good in it is you."

I felt Bella's lips press against my forehead, " I don't want to hear you ever say that. You mean...everything to me; I don't know what I would do without you, Edward. And your family loves you, so much Edward."

What was my fucking purpose in life?

My own damn mother didn't even want me, even after all I went through she couldn't be there for me. Out of all the times she has been there, and that one most important damn time she couldn't be there. Hell, it'd been the time I needed support most, and instead I was stuck in a hospital full of fucking people I didn't know. Alone. I had the doctors, but I didn't have anybody I damn well knew.

She chose to just leave and start over; because apparently I wasn't good enough.

I could feel all of the self-doubt flooding over me. I was once again reminded of my inadequacies. I moved my head to rest on Bella's stomach, and I felt her fingers run through my hair. Slowly I felt myself giving into the unconsciousness.

~\\~

When I awoke the room was pitch black. My body felt somewhat sore for an odd reason, but I felt pretty fucking comfortable. I sat up, realizing that I had been sleeping on top of Bella. I yawned and groped my pockets for my phone, flipping it open to see the time. It said eleven forty three, and I couldn't believe I'd slept that long. I felt bad for wasting Bella and mine's day by sleeping.

I felt even more fucking bad for what had happened earlier in the day. I was still trying to grasp that it even happened in the first place.

I reached over and turned on the lamp, rubbing my eyes. When I looked over at Bella I saw her passed out, and I had basically hogged the entire blanket from her. She lay on her back in only a pair of those boy short underwear, a wife beater that belonged to me and her sweatshirt. I grabbed some of the blanket, covering her legs because damn, they had nothing on them. She is skinny as a rail with no meat on her bones and I don't want her cold.

When she felt my hand graze her thigh, she let out a weird groan and flipped onto her stomach, giving a fantastic view of her ass. I smiled and rested the blanket at her hip. Her head turned towards mine and her eyes opened slightly.

" Hey, you're awake." she murmured.

I reached out and rested my palm on her neck, brushing my thumb over her jaw.

" I'm sorry about earlier."

" Don't apologize, it's okay."

" No, it's not okay. I just didn't expect to fucking see her. I haven't seen her since that say, since I gave her that hug before I was walked to the ambulance."

" I know, green eyes."

I leaned down and kissed her forehead before standing up. I took my wallet and loose change out of my pockets and took my jeans off. I shed both of my shirts and put on a wife beater, tossing my growing pile of dirty clothes in the basket. I brushed my teeth and then went back to my bedroom and got into bed next to Bella. I wasn't at all tired anymore, and Bella seemed awake herself.

" If you could go absolutely anywhere in the world, where would you go? And why?"

" I would go everywhere in Europe. I want to go to Spain, Italy, Greece, Germany, France, Sweden, UK, and Ireland. Fuck, I would even go to Finland and other places. I've just always wanted to go all through Europe. There are so many different cultures and I want to experience all of them."

" Good answer."

" What about you?"

" Your plan sounds nice...I've always wanted to go to Italy. I love pasta."

I let out a loud laugh at her and she smiled.

" You want to go to Italy because you love pasta...That is the most absurd thing I've ever heard, sunshine."

" Don't laugh at me! You are so not nice!"

I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the side of her neck, chuckling quietly. She playfully smacked my arm and glared at me as she pulled away from me. We both knew she wasn't getting far on a queen sized bed.

" Night."

" Oh, please don't be like that. I had a shit day, and if my own girlfriend isn't talking to me that makes it worse."

She rolled over and curled into my chest, " Then stop picking on me."

" I'm not picking on you. I just think it's fucking cute that you want to go to Italy just for pasta."

I felt her lips against my neck and I let out a deep sigh.

Slowly she sat up and unzipped her hoodie, tossing it off before pushing me onto my back and straddling my waist, running her soft, warm hands down my chest. I fucking loved her hands on my body. And the way she stared down at me screamed trouble.

" Cute?"

" Mhm. You're fucking cute."

" Edward, puppies are cute, babies are cute."

I ran my hands down the soft curves of her waist, " You're sexy and beautiful, and absolutely gorgeous."

She leaned down and pressed her lips to mine, and I was quick to slip my tongue through her lips and taste her. Her breath tasted like mint and strawberries, she always tasted like strawberries. I pressed her hips flush to mine, feeling my desire for her grow more and more present with each passing second. I rested my right hand on her hip, and the other on the small of her back.

Before I could even relax into the mattress with her by my side, I felt her pulling at my shirt. She knew I was still fucking hesitant about it, but she always let me call the shots with it. If I didn't feel comfortable, she was perfectly fine. It was almost scary how understanding Bella could be sometimes. Slowly I sat up and pulled my lips from hers to take my shirt off. I noticed her take off my wife beater she had been wearing, and she had a white cotton bra on. I threw my shirt on the floor with hers and took Bella back in my arms.

I wanted to forget everything that happened and just fucking _be_. Bella could set my skin on fire with one touch, and I could feel her put everything into the kiss. This woman cared for me, she wanted me and that made me feel amazing and better about myself. She made me feel needed.

Soon enough things had quickly become heated and passionate, and more clothing started to fly. Before I even knew it I knew that this was about to go much further than what we've done already.

Bella was all over on top of me and underneath me, and I could tell that she was getting really into it, but I didn't think this was right. After all the shit that happened today I didn't want to have sex with her because it was a rough day and I needed some kind of form of relaxation or release to forget it all. It wouldn't be right.

I pulled my lips from Bella's and she took that different from what I expected, trailing her lips down my neck, sucking, licking and biting. I gently grabbed her and looked her in the eyes, I could see how clouded her beautiful brown eyes were with pure and just fucking raw lust.

" Why'd we stop?" she asked, trying to catch her breath.

" Bella..."

Suddenly she just grabbed the comforter and covered her body, hiding her face in her hands.

" Is something wrong with me? It's just...Yeah, last night after you said you wanted to find that perfect moment, I was okay with it...But then we go this far and you just give me the cold shoulder. Edward, I can't keep getting myself worked up, and then be shut down. Is something wrong with me? Am I not good enough?"

I felt like a complete asshole for making her feel this way.

I reached for her hands and twined them both through mine.

" Bella, listen to me; there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful and perfect, and most definitely good enough. I feel fucking awful for doing that to you. After today, I didn't want you to think that we just did it because I had a shit day and needed to get some."

" Edward, I wouldn't ever think that."

" I never wanted to let you think that I don't want you. I do, and sometimes I feel so strongly about it that I get overwhelmed and...I don't want to do this to you, maybe we should just take a step back. I don't want to keep doing this shit to you, it's not fair."

" I don't want us to step back. But, don't keep leading me on because this really..."

She sighed and looked down at her lap.

" I'm sorry to get you all hot and bothered."

" You better make it better."

" I promise." I whispered, gently kissing her lips.

~\\~

Bella sunk deeper into the mattress, taking a deep breath to calm her heart from beating right out of her chest. I rolled over and pressed my lips back to hers in a fiery kiss. She pulled away from me and turned her head to the side.

" I need to breathe." She said with a quiet laugh.

I kissed more of her neck, gently biting at the evident mark. I knew we weren't in high school anymore, but I just couldn't help myself. She was fucking mine, and I would mark her as that. Bella rested both of her hands on my cheeks and pulled me up for a quick kiss. Suddenly a damn cold draft from the unlocked window went through a small opened crack and Bella shivered. I grabbed the blanket that was bunched at the end of the bed and wrapped it around her, grabbing my shirt and boxers from the floor before getting up. I twisted the lock and secured it before getting back into the warm bed.

I pulled her to my chest and Bella curled up on me for a second before sitting up. She wanted my shirt off again, I could fucking tell, and I did it to make her happy. Bella hasn't seen my back, I knew she's felt a few scars on my lower back, but I've never let her look at all the fucking damage. Her respect for me never faltered, and neither did her understanding.

Afterwards Bella curled up on my chest and rested her hand on my stomach. I felt another shiver run through her body and I tucked the blanket tighter around her, forgoing one for myself to keep her warm.

" Are you okay, Bella?"

" I'm just super, super cold. My head has been kind of hurting since this afternoon, too."

" Here, let me get you something."

" Edward, I don't ne-"

" I don't want you freezing your fucking ass off, sunshine."

I grabbed a button up from my drawers and tossed it to her. She put on my wife beater she had worn before, and it was long enough to fit her like a dress, then she put on the button up. I grabbed a pair of pajama pants she'd left here and she put them on. When I got into bed she took her place on my chest and covered us with the blanket. She let out a quiet sigh and I ran my hands up and down her back.

" Better?"

" Yeah. Thank you."

" Of course."

I tipped her head up and chastely kissed her lips before closing my eyes. She'd said her head hurt and I figured I'd give her some peace; I wasn't going to fucking bother her.

~\\~

I wasn't exactly sure Bella was having a great night. She was tossing and fucking turning all around the bed, which kept me awake with her. At one point she almost went to the couch; I didn't let her. She said that she kept getting really hot, and then cold. Then at around two fifty she had raced out of bed and fucking vomited. I quickly went after her and she was heaving over the toilet. I held her hair back and rested my hand on her forehead.

She was burning the fuck up.

Where in the hell was a thermometer?

I grabbed a hair tie that was in the nearest drawer, she left them here often and I just put them in a drawer. After grabbing one I pulled her hair back and put it in one of those damn bun things before getting up and riffling through the cabinet. When I found the thermometer I washed it off before going back to her.

Bella leaned against the wall and wiped her mouth with a tissue, then tossed it in the toilet and flushed.

" Open."

She did as I said and I put it under her tongue, giving it a minute until it started beeping. She was running a one hundred and two degree fever, which is 5-6 degrees more than she should be running at. The human body temperature should be 96 to 97 degrees, and she was running quite a high fever. If she got to one hundred and four I was taking her to the hospital, that isn't fucking right.

Suddenly she leaned forward and heaved, nothing coming out but stomach acid. It must be the stomach influenza that she had caught somewhere.

I went to the kitchen and filled up a glass of water and grabbed three Tylenols. When I got back to Bella she was still throwing up, I felt awful for her.

This went on for about an hour before she could finally take a damn breather. At that point she was shaking from having the chills. I made her drink the glass of water and down the three pills before carrying her back to bed. She said that her stomach felt calm now. I wrapped her up in the blankets and held her close to my side.

" Bella, you need to calm down. Take deep breaths, the shaking will only get worse if you keep fucking panicking over it."

" E-Edw-"

" Shh, it's okay. I've got you."

A lot of the night I spent up with Bella, she was still vomiting a lot, but her fever didn't raise which I think is very much better. I hated seeing her like this, and I knew she felt really sick. She laid on me, curled up for about fifteen minutes until she got another urge.

She finally, around five, had calmed down and had gotten to sleep. I, on the other hand, didn't even get a second of sleep, I had to be at the hospital at eight anyways, and I honestly saw no point in getting sleep. It wasn't that bad, and I could just fucking go to bed early if I had to.

~\\~

In the morning, Bella was still really sick. I still had to go to work, even if I didn't want to fucking leave her. I followed her back to her house to make sure she was alright before heading over to the hospital. It was pretty dead around here, and a few other students were here. I had my lab coat on and followed Dr. Kane to an exam room. Apparently today there was a girl having issues with her throat and her mother had brought her in after dealing with this a few days. Their family doctor suggested we go here to look closer.

She expressed having a sore throat, it was hard to swallow, and she had a constant rough cough and headache that was pretty bad. Her mother had said she complained from her eyes feeling a bit sore, along with her body a bit. She was only sixteen right now, and apparently has had the issue for almost going on two weeks now.

We did a quick exam and found that by her swollen tonsils and yellow patches on them, she would have to get them removed because they weren't doing any good. It's a simple procedure, done all the time and nothing of a big deal, I assured her not to be nervous and that seemed to alleviate some of her nervousness.

Dr. Kane had made an appointment for her to come back Wednesday morning for her procedure. After that I had two basic check-ups, a few kids that were late on physicals for high school. They got a few shots, did a physical and they were done. Usually most kids went to a pediatrician, but sometimes we had a few that came in here instead, which was cool.

At around two I was able to have lunch. I had a half hour and I went to Jimmy John's to grab a sandwich and then ate it in the hospital cafeteria with a Coke in hand. When I was finished I tossed out my sandwich and hung around the hospital until I was back on with Dr. Kane.

Dr. Kane and I were going over a chart when we heard someone coming through the emergency entrance. There was a girl, probably sixteen or seventeen being held by a guy, looking to be either a boyfriend or an older brother. She was clearly crying, and I looked at her and saw her arm bleeding with her Ulna, one of the two long bones in her forearm, sticking right out through the skin.

" Edward, we need you to go get Dr. Gerandy, call for an emergency exam for her Ulna bone. Now."

I quickly was down the halls and to Dr. Gerandy's office, he had come quickly as they got the girl on a hospital bed, she was shaking and quivering as she was rushed past the doors to be taken care of immediately.

This was apparently her older brother, parents out of town, and she had been messing around in one of the old, tall oak tree's in their yard and had fallen off, breaking the fall by using her hands to catch her and the bone going right through. Teenagers are always so careless, thinking nothing could ever happen to them, and it was honestly fucking stupid of them to be like that. But teenagers usually are in the age group where they want to be adventurous and take risks.

I filled out her chart of information, age and everything and had it sent over to Dr. Gerandy.

They had successfully fixed her bone, and luckily her hinge joint in her elbow was fine and there was no damage to anything else. It was definitely a tricky surgery but they were able to treat it and she had a cast and sling for her arm. They were keeping her over night and hopefully able to get home tomorrow, still on drugs to keep the pain under control.

At around nine it was dead and Dr. Kane let me go early. I stopped by the grocery store and picked up some Gatorade and crackers for Bella. It would hopefully make her fucking feel better. I had called her on break but she never answered. I drove to her house and parked, jogging up to the front door and swiftly knocked.

It still made me nervous to see Charlie, he knew. That was hard for me to deal with. He and Carlisle had been the only ones who have seen the damage done to me in full. It was terrifying, and weird in a way. My girlfriend's father had seen my back before her. I hoped one day maybe I could get over it and be able to open up to her just completely and damn fully.

He answered the door, not looking at all surprised to see me on his doorstep.

" She's upstairs asleep."

" Thank you, Sir."

" It's Charlie, Edward."

" Charlie." I corrected, sweeping past him and heading up the stairs. Bella's little Birman kitty, Jo-Jo, greeted me at the top before disappearing into her room through the small crack.

I walked over and slowly opened the door. Bella was lying on her side, and I saw her petting Jo-Jo slowly, her head peaking up when she heard her door creak. A beautiful smile spread over her face and I set down the Gatorade and crackers.

" Oh, Edward..."

" Don't. I am a doctor I know what's best."

" Of course, Dr. Masen." she teased quietly.

I sat on the side of her bed and leaned down to kiss her. She pulled away and shook her head.

" You aren't going to get sick because of me and my germs."

" I fucking love your germs."

" 'Course you do."

I leaned against the headboard, moving the ball of fur to the floor for that I could fit in her tiny bed. Bella curled up on my chest and sniffed, rubbing her eyes tiredly

" Have you vomited at all since this morning?"

" Just once. But my head is hurting a lot and my abdomen hurts, and when I stretch out its worse."

I smoothed her hair down and kissed the top of her head. " If you aren't feeling better by tomorrow morning I am taking you in to see a doctor."

" I don't need to go to the hospital Edward."

" Can you stop being so damn stubborn. I can take care of you, so just fucking listen to me. I don't want you feeling like this."

" My damn stomach has been fucking bothering me since the beginning of last week, it's not a big deal." she whined.

" Why didn't you fucking say something?"

" Because I'm fine. It'll go away."

" Can you kneel in front of me, please?"

Without arguing, for the first time, she did as I asked as I sat in front of her. I put her hands on my shoulders as she kneeled, but I could tell she was struggling to do just that. I was sure it was more than just stomach flu right now.

I pressed on her lower abdomen, around where her appendix would be and Bella gasped, dropping her head down and moving away from my touch. I heard her mutter a quiet 'fuck', and I looked at her.

" I'm taking you tomorrow morning. I don't have class and I can call the hospital and tell them. It could be your appendix. Have you had any trouble using the washroom?"

" Oh my god, you are my boyfriend you shouldn't be asking me this!"

" Bella, I-"

" No, Edward. Everything in the bathroom has been fine, okay? That is so embarrassing."

" Calm down, I want you to sleep, okay?"

" Okay, green eyes."

She curled up on me once again and fell asleep within ten minutes, falling into a deep sleep. About an hour later I slithered out from underneath her and left a small note for her. I covered her with the blanket and kissed her forehead softly, brushing her hair away from her face.

Somewhere inside of me, I could feel the fucking love I felt for her. It was there.

**Authors Note-**

**I know; it's been forever. I am so sorry, but I hope you understand. I suggest if you guys can follow me on twitter to do it, you know what I am doing, and it's just so much easier that way!**

**Why I took forever is because I had a deadline for finishing Ambivalence, and my full attention was on that for the past few weeks. Now THIS story is my only WIP, so it's going to be all about Deep Into The Darkness right now.**

**I WILL TRY AND KEEP UPDATES ON WEDNESDAY'S AGAIN!**

**I am starting to work on a new story that will be posted Spring/Summer. Basically just hammering out details, characterizations and things like that. Thank you all for being patient, I love you guys so much!**

**PREVIOUS QUESTION ( MY ANSWER)- Have you ever had a run in with a person that you NEVER expected to see again? If so, how were they connected to you?**

**I've never really had a run in, a lot of it was ' I never thought we'd speak again, I'm glad the issue was resolved' kind of thing. Internet re-connecting basically and it was with extended family and such.**

**NEW QUESTION!- What was the worst sickness/illness, you've ever gotten?**

**Leave an answer, and I will try my best to respond!**

**Review please!**


	24. Panic

**Authors Note- Hello all. Hope you enjoy this one.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

After calling the hospital and telling them my situation, I had gone over to Bella's and picked her up to take her. She looked even worse today, and she said the pain in her abdomen had gotten a lot worse over the night and it was almost unbearable. Something was definitely going on with her and I was getting fucking worried.

I didn't want to freak out, because I knew she would freak out if I did. I have a feeling it could be her appendix though, and I wanted to make sure that was okay. If it fucking ruptured, that would be a disaster and I didn't want that to happen to her. It would be very painful.

When we got to the hospital we only had to wait a short while. I didn't go to the one I worked at. That one was a lot of people learning, even if they did have actual doctors. The hospital was still full of people doing residency. We got in to see a doctor; Dr. Haiffer. She was really nice it seemed, and Bella was almost curled up on my lap in pain answering questions.

They put Bella on an I.V, and I could see her shaking violently and nervously as she drank down the liquid they gave her. She was freaking out, I could see that, and it was more evident when they went into the room to give her x-rays to see what has been going on. I had gone in with her, not wanting her to freak out.

When they had finished they wheeled her back to the room, and then were going to talk with the doctor about the results. She was on edge and clearly in panic mode. I didn't want her to fucking feel like this.

" Edward, I don't want to be here."

" It's okay, Sunshine. Don't freak yourself out."

She took a deep breath, and I grabbed her hand, kissing the top of it. Her eyes clenched shut and I leaned towards her, looking her in the eyes.

" I'm right here."

" I know."

" What are you so worried about?"

" Dying...Choking."

I laughed, " Bella, you won't die, or choke."

" How do you know. Promise me that I won't die today or choke; now if this happens, I hope you are prepared to take on the guilt if I do."

" I'll take my chances." I said with an eye roll, kissing her once.

A few minutes later Dr. Haiffer came back in and sat down on a chair, looking over the chart.

" It looks like your appendix is inflamed, which is what has been causing you all of the pain in your abdomen. You will need an emergency appendectomy that will be scheduled to be done in about an hour. The procedure can be covered by insurance, do you have health insurance?"

" Yes, I have that taken care of."

" Good. We'll give you something for the pain until surgery."

A nurse came in and put something into Bella's IV that seemed to help with the pain. I laid on the hospital bed next to her on her request, and she rested her head in the crook of my neck. She was almost asleep herself by the time the surgeons came in to take her to surgery.

I called her dad for her in an awkward conversation, having left a message because he did not answer his phone. I spoke calm, not wanting to freak him the fuck out. Once I was done on the phone, I was back with Bella. I stayed as they put her under, smoothing her hair back and kissing her forehead.

I never would have taken myself to be this kind of boyfriend, but with Bella I couldn't fucking help it.

Eventually I had to leave and I waited outside, they said it should be an hour at most. I wasn't worried about her; I knew she would be fine. I got a call from Charlie while I was in the waiting room, and I took it outside.

He was still freaking out, and I just awkwardly explained it to him that she would be fine. I think he must have known I was telling the truth, he did say that if I thought she'd be fine then she was. It made me somewhat relieved to know that he fucking trusted me to take care of her and make sure she's alright.

We talked for about ten minutes until we hung up and I headed back into the hospital. I got a cup of coffee and drowned it before going back to the waiting room that I had been sitting in before. This waiting room was empty, quiet, and I fiddled around on my phone for a little while, wanting to kill time.

I wanted to see her, but I knew I had to wait. With any luck I could take her home tonight. The healing process is at least four to eight weeks, and she would have to take it easy when she is home. It was nine fifty when a nurse came out and told me that Bella had made it through surgery and everything went perfectly as planned. They were moving her to recovery and waking her up, and I insisted I be there when Bella woke up.

She was just opening her eyes when I walked in and I sat by her sat and grabbed her hand. I saw her eyes flicker, and she sighed tiredly.

" Hey, you." I said, rubbing the top of her hand with my thumb.

I heard her mumble something before closing her eyes and letting out another sigh. She was tired, there was absolutely no doubt. The entire time in recovery she was basically asleep. At around three in the afternoon they had her in an actual room.

Dr. Haiffer said that she could leave tonight, but with a lot of rules as of for the first three weeks at least. Bella was not allowed to walk around for long periods of time for three weeks or until it started feeling better, she can't go up and down stairs, no lifting or anything of that sort, and no physical activity until it is approved later on during a check-up.

For the first two weeks her food has to be soft, because her intestines need to straighten themselves out a bit and start functioning perfectly as before. So it's going to be apple sauce, jello, and broth for her. I knew she would get frustrated with that.

With the whole stairs thing, Bella didn't know what to do. She couldn't sleep on the couch at her house because it was small and uncomfortable for her, she'd said. That's when I decided to extend the offer for her to stay with me. The apartment is obviously one floor, easy to get around and probably best for her so that she can sleep in a bed.

At around seven, Charlie had appeared in her hospital room as Bella and I were talking. He went straight to the bed and kissed her on the forehead.

" I'm sorry I wasn't here, sweetheart."

Bella shook her head tiredly. " It's fine. Edward took care of me. I'll be able to get out of here in about an hour. They said they were getting a nurse to take the IV out and discharge me."

" Should set up ye 'ole couch, huh? Can't be going up those stairs."

She passed me a nervous look and I bit my lip before looking at her father.

" Erm, Charlie... I...Bella...We both think that maybe it would be easier for Bella to stay with me for a short while. Not to disrespect you but she feels that a couch would be too uncomfortable for her to be sleeping on. I offered for her to stay with me, I live in an apartment so it would be easier for her to get around and she'd have...a bed to sleep in."

" Your bed." he stated, looking me in the eyes.

Maybe he was still wary of me?

" Dad, I love you...But it would be easier to be there, one floor, no stairs and a bed to sleep in. I'm an adult, and if Edward is okay with it then I can make the decision to stay with him."

" What about your cat? Hmm? Who's going to take care of him?"

" If need be I can take care of the cat."

Charlie sighed and waved his hand, " No, it's fine. Do what you want. You are an adult and are fully capable of making your own choices. I trust you are safe."

Bella nodded and rested her head on the pillow.

Luckily that conversation was quick and painless. After getting Bella settled in at the apartment I was going to go over and pick up some of her things for her. Charlie stayed until Bella was discharged, and he apparently had to go back to the station because he was working a double shift. He left when I was taking Bella back to my car.

Bella's phone was full of calls from Alice and text messages. She answered them on the way back, answering all of the questions that Alice shouted into the phone at her, demanding why I didn't call to tell her anything. I didn't think it was necessary to directly call Alice, but apparently that was vital. By the time we got back to the apartment Bella was basically dead on her feet.

I carried her up the stairs to the apartment; she was light as a feather and easy to carry. I set her down on her feet to open the door and when it was opened she slowly walked in. Jasper was on the couch watching television with a box of pizza. I kind of felt bad for not giving him a heads up that Bella was staying here, but I don't think it would be an issue.

" Hey, just got a call from Alice that you got your appendix taken out." he said.

Bella glared, " Yeah, spread the fucking word why don't you, Alice."

I had no idea why she was all of a sudden so fucking irritated.

" Bella is going to be staying here for a little while until she is able to scale the stairs. That shit okay?"

" Whatever, I'm cool."

That's what I like about Jasper; he's fucking calm and cool with everything. He isn't like a fucking girl and complaining about someone else being here. I grabbed Bella's purse from her hands and she let me take it.

" Not like you're going to see me anyways. Hope you enjoy a girl taking up your room."

" Just don't leave your bra's and shit everywhere. And if I see any...personal girl products lying around on the floor, I am shipping you back."

" I'll remember to leave my tampons everywhere, Edward."

I helped her to my room and she went straight for the bed, lying down on her back because she couldn't lay any other fucking way. I set her purse down on the desk and she whined quietly as she pulled herself further up on the bed.

" This fucking hurts, green eyes."

" I know, sunshine."

I had to help Bella change her clothing, which wasn't a fucking pain. I wouldn't miss a chance to help her change her clothes, hell no. She was wearing a pair of thin shorts, and they were a little low so that the waistband didn't press against where the incision was. They had stitched it together good, and put gauze over it, and then she had an ace bandage wrapping all around her. I gave her one of my wife beaters and rested the blanket over her.

" So, what do I have to get for you?"

" From the bathroom I just need my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, loofa. Could you also grab my blow-dryer and straightener? I don't want to have to wing it. And I'd really fucking appreciate if you grabbed my box of tampons. I know you're a guy and you hate touching that fucking box, but I need it. I also have a small bag of makeup and just tweezers and stuff on my dresser, it's all in there, and anything outside of it just put it in there. Clothes? Just grab what I usually wear. You don't have to take too much; I can do some of my laundry over here. And with my underwear, do me a solid and don't just grab all lingerie, okay? Grab like seven pairs of underwear and five bras', just in case. Uhm...Face wash is in the bathroom, and I have a box of razors in the cabinet under the sink. I think that's good. I also have two bags under my bed, just pack everything in there, and try to fit it in one if you can."

" Okay, that it?"

" Yes, it sounds about right. I mean, if you see something you think I need laying around just grab it, okay?"

I nodded, " Sure thing, I'll be back."

Bella gave me her house key and I placed a long, lingering kiss on her lips before heading out to the Volvo. The drive to the house wasn't long. When I pulled up it was all dark, and I got out of the car and made my way inside the house. I'd never been in here alone before, but who the fuck cares. I brushed it off my shoulder and walked in, turning the foyer light on before heading upstairs.

Her room was just as before, and I saw Jo-Jo laying on the bed asleep. I grabbed one of the bags underneath Bella's bed and unzipped it.

The day seemed to be flying past me in a whirlwind, it was almost dizzying. I first went to pack her clothes. I grabbed t-shirts from her closet and folded them as small as I could, packing like ten in there for her. When I went to her drawers I grabbed three pairs of loose jeans for her to wear. I went on to pajama pants and I grabbed a few pairs and packed them in.

Opening up her underwear drawer, yeah, I fucking looked through it. I'm a guy. She had a few negligee's stashed in there, and some garter belts and thigh high stockings.

Damn. One day I will get her to fucking wear those for me, with a pair of high heel boots. I could dream about it until it happens. I shook myself out of it and grabbed a few bra's as she asked and underwear. When I was finished I packed up her makeup thing, putting in the eyeliner that lay next to it and zipped it up. I grabbed her comb and brush for her hair, and wrapped up her blow dryer and straightener, and shower things. I finished up with everything and topped it off with the pillow on her bed, thinking she may want it. Hell, I'd sleep on it. It smelled fantastic.

Once I had finished it up I gave her cat a pat on the head and walked out, making sure to turn off all lights and lock the front door securely. I went quickly to the Volvo because it was starting to down pour and I quickly raced in. I tossed the bag on the passenger seat, it was fucking heavy but it worked and everything fit in alright.

I drove carefully to the apartment, not wanting the car to skid in the heavy rain that was covering the ground. When I got to the apartment I quickly ran inside and headed up the stairs. I already kind of missed her and I just wanted to curl up in bed next to her. I sound like a fucking girl, fucking kill me for it. Being at the hospital was kind of boring, especially just sitting there and doing nothing but worry about Bella during surgery.

When I got to the apartment door I swung it open and shut it behind me, shaking my hair. I looked up and almost immediately wanted to run out.

Fucking Jasper was sitting on the couch next to..._her. _

How in the fuck did she find me here? How did she know where I fucking lived?

The bag slipped from my hands and thumped to the ground. I felt the familiar panic rising, and I felt like I was trapped with nowhere to go. She stared at me, and slowly she stood to walk towards me. I panicked. My heart sped up and I gasped for air, running as quickly as I could towards the bathroom. I heard my name.

I ignored it.

I ruffled through everything in the bathroom with no luck finding my pill bottle. I barged into my room, startling a sleeping Bella and ran to my desk, finding the bottle.

" Edward, what's wrong?" Bella asked sleepily.

I downed two pills dry and gripped my hair, sliding down to the floor and into a fetal position.

She was here… In my apartment.

And she still wanted to talk to me.

I wanted her to go away.

I wanted her to leave.

" Edward, you're scaring me! FUCK! JASPER?"

" What's wrong with him?"

What's wrong with me? What the fuck isn't wrong with me?

" He has panic attacks. You being here set him off. Could you wait in the living room?"

I heard footsteps retreating and I opened my eyes, looking around the room for any sign of her still being here

" Get her the fuck out of my apartment!" I yelled as loud as I possibly could.

" Can you calm yourself the fuck down? You scared your damn girlfriend half to death and she is crying on your fucking bed unable to help you." he screamed at me.

Bella.

My only light.

" I don't want her here. I don't want her here." I felt myself repeating the words over and over and I felt someone mentioning Carlisle.

He couldn't help me.

I curled into a ball and let out something between a muffled scream and a yell. I didn't feel like I was in my own body, I felt stuck in my head. I trembled on the floor, the panic taking over my body and controlling everything that I am. I was frantic inside of my own head.

Many thoughts went through my brain, rapidly and over-lapping from one thing to another until I felt myself completely losing it. I felt my breathing become small gasps and I clenched my teeth together and dug my fingernails into the wooden floor.

I was stuck here, nowhere to go.

~\\~

I faintly heard Carlisle's voice, and it was nearby. I felt a pinch in my arm.

Even though he's always respected Jasper as Alice's boyfriend; Carlisle was yelling at him. He should have never let her into the apartment, he shouted, should have called Carlisle or me right away to tell me that she was here. Carlisle made it clear that Jasper should have never yelled at me while I was in this state because it made it worse.

I felt like a fucking child.

Jasper was my friend and he had to deal with this shit, and it was embarrassing to some extent. I was ushered to my bed, and I felt Bella running her fingers through my hair, it calmed me, but I also knew she was crying, I could tell.

Why in the fuck did I put people through this?

" Is he going to be okay?"

" Yes, he'll be fine. I shot him with tranquilizer, a low dose. It was the only way to stop him from falling deeper into the panic. The hyperventilation he went through probably has tired him out a lot, and his body will be weak. He'll need sleep, and I'll stop by tomorrow afternoon. Make sure everything is called off for him tomorrow."

I felt sleep overtake me, sinking me deeper into a black abyss.

~\\~

When I awoke the room was fucking pitch black.

I felt pain everywhere, my muscles aching. I sat up slowly and it felt worse. I let out a deep groan and stretched, moving off the bed so that I wouldn't rustle Bella. She was sleeping soundly on her back, only in the wife beater I gave her and underwear.

I groped for my cigarette's and found the pack on my desk next to Bella's purse. I lit one up and headed outside on the stairs. I took a long puff and rested my head on the window.

This last panic attack was bad. It'd never been that bad in my entire life. I had felt like I was dying on the inside, and it was almost a numb feeling. Before I could continue to reel over it, suddenly I heard Bella calling out for me quietly; hearing it from the small crack I left open. I quickly opened the window and slid into the room, cigarette hanging out of my mouth. I kneeled on the bed and Bella's eyes were open.

" You're up." she said.

I held my head down, " Yeah. Give me a second."

I put the cigarette out and put it on the table before sitting on the bed. Bella was watching me carefully.

" You fucking scared me." she whispered. " I thought you were dying."

" I'm so sorry you had to fucking see that."

" I didn't know she was here until she came in to see you after what had happened. I would have called."

" I know."

" Carlisle yelled at Jasper."

" I know that, too. It wasn't fucking Jasper's fault. He isn't responsible for me, and he shouldn't have to handle me. I should be able to care for myself."

" We can't all be strong, Edward." Bella whispered.

" I know."

The overwhelming feeling of the situation made tears well up in my eyes, and I laid down next to Bella and she tried her best to wrap her arms around me, and she let me wet the skin of her neck with my tears. She was the only one I'd let see me like this.

" It'll be okay, I promise you, Edward. You just have to hang in there."

" I don't want to wait for it to get better. It's been too many years of waiting. I want it to be over. I want to feel alive."

" You are alive."

" Not in the way I want to be."

I felt her lips on the top of my head. " You'll always have me, okay? I am not going anywhere, and I need you. I couldn't have gone through today without you. You are needed despite what you think."

I looked up at her and kissed the side of her neck. I gripped her hand with mine, twining my fingers through hers. I kissed her hand softly and she sighed.

" Eventually, things will get better."

" How the fuck did she find me here? How did she know where I live?"

" She'll have to give up sooner or later. Unless you want to talk to her and work it out."

" I don't want to work anything out, Bella. I can't...I don't know how to deal with this."

Her fingers tightened around mine and I sighed. I sat up further and Bella rested her head on my shoulder, trying to find a comfortable position on her back. I wrapped my arm around her waist with my hand on her waist, on her good side.

" You're everything to me." I whispered.

" I know, and you are...You're everything, too, Edward. I couldn't ever picture being with someone like this besides you."

" I don't deserve you."

" Yes you do. All your life you've dealt with all of this shit, and you deserve to be happy, and if I can make you happy then I want to be with you, because you do make me happy."

" I don't know how."

" It's true.

" Sleep, my sunshine."

Bella smiled and I leaned down to kiss her softly before pulling away. I pulled the blankets over us and closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth of Bella next to me. I wished I could pull her on top of me and just sleep that way, but we couldn't do that for awhile. Just having her by me would have to be enough for now. I'd rather have her lying on her back next to me, then have her not even fucking here in the first place.

~\\~

Saturday

September 24th

~\\~

" Hey! You're back early."

I pressed my lips to hers in a long, deep kiss. She returned it, and she tasted like chocolate, and I knew she must have dug into the Godiva assorted chocolates. I'd got them for her anyways. Girls liked that shit and Bella fucking deserved it.

When I pulled away she licked her lips, " Mm, what was that for?" she asked, pulling me back to her for another kiss. I pulled away and kissed her forehead, setting my cell phone down on the end table. Bella had been lying in bed reading quietly. I loved seeing her like this, just lazing around and being herself around here. It felt natural. Her things weren't strewn about the room, which I appreciated. I didn't mind if she had a book, her iPod or things like that around, but I hated when clothes were strewn across the floor, including my own. I help her change her clothes usually, and unless she needs to take something off because it's uncomfortable, I don't find anything, even then she usually folds it and sets it next to the bed.

She hasn't been huge on pants; a lot of the waistbands hurt her, so usually it's a t-shirt and underwear. I'm cool with that, as long as Jasper isn't walking in without knocking. I went to the dresser and handed Bella her pill for the afternoon that helped with the pain.

" Jello anybody?" I asked her with a smile.

Bella was starting to resent Jello; she'd been eating so much of it lately she'd been getting sick of it. But she's been eating more solid food, but she can't be swallowing down meats because they wouldn't work out very well in her stomach and digesting.

" We should change your gauze, sunshine."

" Do we have to? I hate looking at it. I'll already have a stupid scar."

" Oh, it can be hidden by your swimsuit or underwear." I said with a smile.

" Still. It's just another added to the rest."

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers, sweeping my tongue over her bottom lip before pulling away.

" I think you're beautiful. I don't care about the scars."

" Why the fuck am I even complaining? It's nothing compared to yours."

I ran my hand over her cheek, gazing at her. " They're all just scars, nothing more."

She smiled and I could tell I brightened her mood a bit. I kissed her once more and helped her stand up; she winced and let out a few groans of pain before standing firmly on her feet, leaning into me. I slowly swept her up into my arms and she rested her head in the crook of my neck. I set her on the couch in the living room area and grabbed the fruit salad.

Yes, I fucking made her fruit salad; who the fuck cares?

I put some into a bowl and handed it off to her with a fork. I poured her a glass of water and set it down on the end table and then sat on the floor by the couch next to her.

" Thank you for all of this, Edward. I appreciate everything."

" It's no big deal."

" Yes is it. You've let a girl take over your bed."

" Mmm, not if I like the girl in my bed."

She smiled at me, " You're just being nice so you can get something."

" Nothing to get with you healing."

" Don't be such a guy."

" Well, I am a guy. Isn't what you like about me?" I asked, moving up towards the couch.

I went for her lips and instead felt the fork against my lips with a strawberry on it. Once I finished swallowing I leaned forward and pressed my lips firmly to hers, slanting my mouth over hers to kiss her deeper. I heard the fork clank into the bowl and I grabbed it, moving it off her to the floor. I sat on the side of the couch, bending over her.

" I miss you."

" I'm right here."

" Mmm, not like that. Like this." I murmured, sweeping my tongue inside her mouth and massaging it against hers.

Probably without thinking, Bella starting to sit up, and she quickly pulled away with a groan.

" Fuck. Uh, why did I do that...?"

" Are you okay?"

" Yeah, fine. Damn, I totally just ruined that moment."

Once Bella finished eating I sat on the couch and she laid with her head in my lap. I gently ran my fingers through her hair and sighed. She turned her head and looked up at me, her eyes boring into mine.

" How's the anxiety been?"

The day after the break down, Carlisle had come to see me and he basically forced a pill bottle into my hand. It was an anti-anxiety medicine that he wanted me to take daily to assure that not even a bit of anxiety would spark. He said that was a really bad attack I had last night, and what had happened was that when I freaked out my body shut down, and it was my bodies way of protecting me when I felt so trapped inside my racing thoughts.

Now I had to make sure to take that in the morning, and Bella reminded me.

She'd been taking care of me in a sense, making sure that I'm alright and taking my meds. I appreciate that, but it's my job to take care of her, and I can handle myself. She shouldn't ever have to fucking be in charge of taking care of me. It's not her responsibility to shoulder.

" Fine. Don't worry about me." I said, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

" I can't help it."

" I know...Mmm, we should go clean your cut."

She made a weird whining noise and I got up and grabbed the stuff from the bathroom. I took off the clip for the ace bandage and then unwrapped it for her. I slowly took the gauze off the incision. The stitches were still intact, but she had been bleeding a little bit. I cleaned it off for her and was gentle. She wanted to take a bath, and I had helped her a bit. Over the cut I had put this weird extra sticky bandage on it so that no water would get in it. They had designed it in this almost latex, plastic type thing so no water could seep through.

After she undressed and got into the bath, filled with her strawberry bubble bath shit or whatever it's called, she made me stay in the bathroom with her.

" I think you should join."

I smirked at her, " I don't think so. This is your bath. I'm just going to grab my water bottle."

I stood up and tapped the edge of the bathtub. Suddenly I felt Bella's firm grasp take a hold of me and I basically tripped backwards with my ass at the edge of the tub and fucking fell backwards into the water. I almost smacked my head on the tiled wall but caught myself.

" What the fuck?" I yelled in surprise,

I heard Bella's quiet laughter and I looked at her.

" Relax." she murmured.

I adjusted myself, trying not to splash out anymore water. There were bubbles covering the floor now. I took off my shirt, because it was heavy, but I kept on the black wife beater. I stripped off my jeans and took my socks off. Bella laid with her back to my chest between my legs, her hands moving up and down my thighs. I rested my hand on her good side on her hip, and rested the other on her upper ribcage, careful not to go too high and start something that couldn't be finished.

" My plan worked out nice."

" Is that so?" I whispered.

" Mhm. Edward Masen in a bubble bath. Life can't get better, besides the obvious." she said with a short laugh.

I kissed the top of her head and rested my chin on her shoulder, feeling all the fucking better with her in my arms.

**Authors Note- It's another Wednesday update! This really makes me happy that I pulled it off. Thanks for being so patient those last few weeks. I love you guys so much, and I appreciate every single review, even if I can't respond all the time.**

**Previous Question (My Answer)- What was the worst sickness/illness, you've ever gotten?**

**I've had many in my lifetime…I don't even know what kind of illness it was the worst time, but I'd been sick, half my body was numb on top of normal flu symptoms. They never found out what it was.**

**NEW QUESTION!- Shower or Bath?**

**Review and let me know your thoughts, it gets me writing fast!**


	25. Understanding

**Authors Note- I apologize for the lateness, I've been trying to write everyday with the limited timing. I hope you guys understand!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

October 9nd

Thursday

~\\~

It's been just a little over three weeks since Bella has had her surgery to get her appendix removed, and she's been doing really well healing wise. She's still been staying at the apartment, and at this point I am sure I don't want her to fucking go. We just...fit together, and it's comfortable with her. I couldn't compare the feeling of what it feels like to fall asleep with her in my arms, or just talking with her as we lay together. I feel comfortable this way, and I couldn't dream of this being gone.

The stress of work, the hospital and dealing with my mother has been piling up and stressing me out a lot. It's fucking weighing down, and it's getting harder and harder trying to fucking ignore it and shit. Bella is the only one who can get my attention away from it, but recently; nothing has been working. Carlisle said that she will most likely keep trying, and I've still been taking the medicine he prescribed for me. I'd hate to admit that it really was helping me.

The hospital is a good temporary distraction when I am kept busy, but work is not even close to being one. It's, obviously, always fucking quiet in the library. People get shit for it if they are loud, but I still enjoy the job. I've always loved books, and even if it's just re-arranging and stacking them, it's the best, even with the silence. I used to enjoy that shit, now it's something I avoid.

Bella slowly started to stand up, releasing my hand.

" Hey, where are you going?" I asked.

" To get my orange juice. I left it on the kitchen counter, want something?"

" Sit down, I'll take care of it."

' I feel so lazy." she said with a laugh, sitting back down with a breath.

" You're not. This is just me taking care of you."

I went to the kitchen and grabbed Bella's juice, and I grabbed myself a sprite. When I got back to my bedroom Bella was lying on her back, twisting the blanket in her fingers and marveling at the thread between her slender fingers. I handed her the orange juice and sat next to her with my sprite on the end table.

After she took a sip of her drink I set it down for her, and she looked up at me, her brown eyes sparkling.

" I'm just going to move the rest of my things here. I don't want to leave you next week. I guess I just got used to sharing your bed, and being in your space. I hope you aren't sick of me."

" No, I love having you here with me. Feels like a fucking home seeing you here."

" You just like seeing me in this bed, green eyes."

" No, that's just an added bonus." I leaned over and gave her a thorough kiss, leaving her breathless in my arms.

She leaned over and chastely kissed my lips, letting them linger a bit. Her lips were so soft, and I couldn't help but run my hand through her hair and pull her closer.

" I have to get dressed for work." I murmured

" Mm, no."

" I don't fucking want to, but I have to. You already lured me in after my shower to lie down. I need to finish getting dressed."

" Is there anything I can do to make you stay?"

" You're insatiable, I'm sorry though, sunshine. I'll be home later, and I can make it all up to you."

She released me and I kissed her nose and stood up. I put on a pair of already ironed black slacks, a leather belt and a light blue button up shirt that was tucked in. My black leather shoes were shined, as fucking always, and I slipped them on after putting on a pair of black socks. I grabbed my black silk tie and secured it around my neck in a perfect knot, laying it centered down my chest.

" You look so hot in that. Like...doctor fantasies come to mind."

" Should I give you a full examination Miss. Swan?" I asked jokingly.

" Feel free, Dr. Masen. I'm feeling a little feverish."

I rolled my eyes at her and closed my drawer, walking towards Bella. She slowly sat up, being careful not to be too fast. It was still a bit uncomfortable, but she wasn't having any bad issues with it as much. The first few days she was in a lot of pain, and the meds didn't really start helping as much because it was pretty intense.

I grabbed her hands and helped her stand. She took a deep breath and leaned into me, letting me hold her.

" Need help changing before I leave?"

" Yeah." she murmured

She was able to change her underwear herself, and I helped her into a pair of black thin cotton shorts. I put her into one of my wife beaters; because I am sure at this point Bella is almost living in them constantly. Once I was finished helping her; she pulled her hair back in a ponytail and went with me in the kitchen. She sat down on the couch slowly and talked with me as I got myself a bowl of cereal and some coffee. Bella claimed she wasn't hungry, but she would be soon enough.

The moment I sat down on the couch with a bowl of rice krispies with some of the almond soymilk we had, Bella was practically in my lap for a bite. I heaped up a spoonful and fed it to her, when she chewed and swallowed she looked at me oddly.

" That didn't taste like regular milk...and is that cinnamon?"

" It was almond soymilk or some shit, and yes, that was cinnamon, I put it in here."

" You drink soymilk?"

" Sometimes. It settles better in my stomach than regular milk. I have some kind of fucking lactose intolerant tendencies towards certain things."

She nodded, " Well, I like the way you have your cereal prepared, green eyes."

I let her have another bite and I finished it up myself, rinsing it off and putting it in the sink of hot water to take care of later. I looked at the clock and it was seven forty five, and I had to get going. I put on my jacket and grabbed my white coat from my closet. I reluctantly left Bella, promising to be back soon and with a kiss on her lips I was gone.

When I got to the hospital, it was a fucking mad house. I was thrown into it quickly, having to help everyone out. Apparently it had been like this since six this morning, and it was just crazy. There were ages from two to seventy four coming into the emergency entrance. I saw an old man wheeled in here after suffering from a massive heart attack.

They announced the time of his dead in the middle of the hallway. There was nothing they could have done to help him, and while I wished he could have made it, sometimes it happens. The circle of life can be fucking brutal.

There was a little four year old girl I was now examining, basically the cutest fucking little kid I've ever seen. She had long curly blonde hair and bright blue-green eyes, her mother was here with her and apparently Holly, the little one, has been crying from pain in her stomach. I felt bad for her when I had to press a little bit to see if anything was abnormal. It was a standard procedure not to be skipped over.

I checked everything right down to blood pressure on the little girl, finding nothing out of the ordinary, so we called for an x-ray on her just to see what could be going on. Showing up on the x-ray; we found a quarter.

A fucking quarter in the kid.

As if the old term ' did someone stick a quarter in you' was actually literal. They had to perform an emergency surgery, because there was no way she could digest that. The copper and other things in the quarter could harm her body and cause an infection if it's in there for too long.

Then I was passed onto taking care of a groping seventeen year old girl. She'd sprained her ankle during her early gym class this morning at school, and came in with her father. I had to put a brace on it, and she had to stay off it with some crutches. It was a really bad sprain, just a hair away from a break, but she was more than alright. Her hand kept grazing my ass when I turned around, and I was not fucking turned on by that. The smiles she kept giving me were borderline creepy, she was fucking jailbait. No way.

The day was full of random shit, and I did one transfusion on a woman in her early twenties. She had a lot of mental and emotional things going on in her life, she'd slit her wrist, and her boyfriend found her in her bedroom and there had been a lot of blood loss, we almost did two transfusions but she started to come around just fine. She looked like she wasn't happy to be here, and by here I don't even fucking mean the hospital, I mean the goddamn world.

It was a fucking stressful day, I was going all the time, but I knew there were probably going to be a lot like them in the future. But I guess that was the reason I wanted to get into this field, I wanted to keep busy, and as an Emergency Room doctor, I wanted everyday to be different and hoped it would be sometimes.

At eleven thirty that night; I was released, and I went straight home. I was past hungry, and not even feeling it anymore. I wanted to be at the apartment more than anything. I stumbled in five to midnight and saw Jasper passed out on the couch with the television on. I walked over to him and woke him up and suggested he to go sleep. I grabbed a coke from the fridge and drowned the contents of the can before stumbling towards my room to find Bella, who was surprisingly alert and awake in bed.

" Fuck, rough day?" she asked, taking in my appearance.

I tossed my white lab coat in my desk chair and took my tie off. I kicked off my shoes and took my belt off, and untucked my shirt from my pants. My body gravitated towards the bed and I laid down, resting my head on Bella's thigh. I felt her fingers weave into my hair and I sighed deeply. Her skin was so soft, hell, all of her is soft anywhere.

" Yeah, rough and long day. It was fucking nuts."

I moved up and wrapped her in my arms gently. I kissed her forehead softly and buried my face in her strawberry scented hair. I closed my eyes and relaxed into the mattress, sighing.

" You should take your shirt and pants off."

" I just got home, too tired for that."

She smacked my shoulder playfully, " Not like that, green eyes."

I smiled and sat up, shrugging out of my button up and leaving me in a wife beater, she laughed at our shirts matching, along with the fact that I was in black boxers and she had on black shorts. I tossed my clothes on the floor and laid back down, grabbing the blanket at the end of the bed to cover myself up with from the cool apartment. We had to get some heaters or some shit because even at seventy five it wasn't warm in here. Bella's leg kicked free of the comforter and she draped it over mine, hooking it around my hip. I carefully moved her towards me; careful not to hurt her, and she kissed my lips.

" I missed you today."

" I missed you, too. I would have come back for lunch, if it lasted more than ten fucking minutes."

She nuzzled my neck, " No, it's fine. I understand. I'm lucky to even be able to spend the night and mornings with you with the whole residency. In December...This might be gone. I want to enjoy it."

Holding her tighter, I closed my eyes and reveled at the feeling of her in my arms. Her eyes fluttered closed, her cheek lying upon my shoulder. I rested my head above hers on the pillow and held her to me. I felt her breathing even out slowly and I looked down at her, running my hand over her smooth skin.

" You're everything." I softly whispered.

~\\~

I awoke to the very loud fucking sound of thunder and lightning ringing in the air. My room lit up with the sparks of light, the floors shaking with the loud booming noise. The power was out; I couldn't see a fucking thing except for when the lightning lit up the room with a flash of blinding white

Bella was shaking in my arms and I felt her labored breaths against my neck. I groaned into the pillow and gently rubbed Bella's back. She sighed and I sat up, drawing her to me to try and comfort her.

" It's okay, sunshine." I whispered to her, my voice thick with sleep.

She burrowed herself deep into me, and I looked down at her.

" Are you in pain?"

She nodded, and I slowly slid out of bed, pulling her off of me. I walked towards my bedroom door, and I went straight for the kitchen. We had two flashlights in the cabinet. I bumped around before I reached it and grabbed them, turning them on. I got a glass of water and walked back to the bedroom, I set the flashlight straight up on my end table, lighting up my room.

I grabbed Bella's pills and went to give her them. Her shirt rode up and exposed her stomach to me, and her legs looked so creamy and soft.

Jesus Christ this is not the time for _that _for god's sake, Edward.

I sighed and set her water down for her, drawing her in my arms. I reached over and grabbed my iPod; I'd gotten it updated to a second generation iPod Touch a short while ago. It was new, just came out the beginning of September and I had to fucking get the best.

I turned it on, punched in the code and handed it over to Bella. Suddenly I heard The Runaways old school shit start coming out of my iPod. I forgot I even downloaded that, I had no issue with it, just fucking forgot.

" I used to listen to them, and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts when I was in high school."

I chuckled and leaned over her, " Bad-ass." I replied slowly, pressing my lips to hers and feeling her quiet groan against them.

Yeah, maybe it was the time for _that_...

~\\~

Bella bent over and grabbed her t-shirt, tossing it on blindly. Another strike of lightning was in the sky and she jumped, letting out a small yelp when she put strain on her incision. She laid back and looked over at me, smiling.

" When are you going to rock my world for real?" she asked.

" Don't tempt me."

She looked over at my iPod that was still playing music, and I leaned over her again and resumed a kiss. I felt her arms wind around me and she moved her hands down my bare back, over every dip, rough mark and raised scar. Her hands didn't freeze, but I felt my body tense up.

I was about to pull away, but she held me close and deepened the kiss, one arm around my neck and the other exploring my back. I pressed my lips harder to hers and just fucking put everything I could into it. Bella suddenly broke away and leaned back for a breath before coming back for more.

" You're fuckin' amazing." she breathed.

I smoothed her hair back and pulled away, tracing the bow of her top lip with my tongue. I felt her shiver in my arms and I wrestled my tongue back into her mouth. I groaned against her lips, my fingers locked in her thick, soft hair. I breathed heavily through my nose, not wanting to separate my lips from hers; she was the fucking amazing one.

She tasted like liquid candy or some shit, and not a hint of bad breath. I released one hand and let the other one travel down her body, being careful not to hurt her. I finally rested it on her jaw and anchored her lips to mine.

After about five minutes we finally pulled away, but I still felt her hand resting on my back. I chastely kissed her once more and she curled into me.

" That was fun, I feel like I'm in high school."

" Fuck high school. This is adult world; we can do that for hours, no parents here."

She looked up at me and I kissed her forehead just as another strike of lightning lit up the sky and rumbled loudly. The rain tapped against the window, and I reached down for my iPod, turning it off as I saw Bella already relaxed and starting to get more tired.

Her face moved towards my neck, and I felt her breath against my skin. Bella's hand moved up and down my back lazily, and she looked up at me adoringly, I almost didn't understand.

" You're...so beautiful inside and out. I want you to know that. You know the reason why I love these?"

" Why?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

" They show me how strong you are." she whispered, kissing my neck.

" I'm not that strong."

" You are the strongest person I've ever met."

" You're just being nice."

" I am being nice, but I am also being very truthful. You just don't see yourself how I see you."

She was right. I probably didn't.

I rested my head on the pillow and ran my fingers through her hair. I felt her lips against my neck once more before she closed her eyes. Suddenly the apartment shook after another rumble of thunder, and Bella gripped me for dear life.

~\\~

At six o' clock in the morning both Jasper and I got calls. His classes were cancelled, and I didn't have to go to the hospital today, or attend my one morning class. The power was still out, and the storm was still going. I got a call from Esme, who was making sure we were okay, and Charlie had called Bella this morning, I answered her phone because she'd finally fallen asleep around four forty this morning, and he had called at seven thirty. I wanted her to get some sleep for as long as she could before it woke her up again.

Jasper had found another flashlight in his room, and we had put one in the bathroom, kitchen and one in the hallway. It was almost like nighttime outside, and I was really kind of surprised the weather men or women hadn't fucking predict this. Then again, the day a weather men or women are completely on target, hell will probably freeze over.

I walked into the kitchen and turned the flashlight on, grabbing a cup and a coke. It was still cold, and luckily we had like nothing in the freezer. Frozen tater tots and things like that, but no meat, and we were out of milk and cream in the fridge conveniently. Usually at the end of the week things get low. Jasper usually gives me a twenty and a list of things he wants and I do the grocery shopping. It's not a big fucking deal.

I laid on the couch and grabbed the afghan from the back of it, flipping open one of my medical books. It couldn't hurt to keep educating myself to memorize all of the cardiovascular system workings.

Jasper was doing whatever he fucking does, probably reading a book like me because the internet is obviously down.

My mind wandered a bit to my mother, and I found myself getting lost inside my head.

As of right now, I've been very ambivalent on the thought of trying to talk to her. On some counts, I want to fucking hear what she has to say about everything, and another part of me doesn't think that she deserves a chance after what she did.

I couldn't even get past the fact that she didn't even say goodbye to me. When viewing it in my position, I couldn't ever leave my child. How that could even be considered in my case and hers was astounding.

I wanted to know this shit, but some part of me didn't. Did I want to hear her say that she didn't want me anymore?

Some thoughts led to the fact that maybe my father wanted a child, but she didn't. Maybe she was forced into having me and when the fucking opportunity came to bail. She did. It was possible that she didn't want to leave me with an unstable, psychotic bastard and that was as far as her heart went out for love.

But then I remembered how she would hold me until I fell asleep, and sometimes stayed with me the entire night. She'd rock me and tell me how much she loved me and how sorry she was. I felt myself get lost in one particular memory that occurred the Christmas I was fifteen, before he died.

_~\\~_

_Flashback_

_~\\~_

_I felt my body being shoved against the wall as he threw another fist in my direction. I pushed against his heavy body and kicked his shin with as much force as I could put into it. He sunk slightly and tried to push against me by grabbing my arms tightly with his hands._

_" Fuck you! Get the fuck off me!" I yelled at him, shoving him against the wall just as hard as he shoved me._

_I suddenly felt his knee come up and connect with my groin. I grunted in pain and fell to the ground, feeling his foot connect with my stomach then. I yelled out in pain and heard my mother in the background crying softly. I coughed roughly and bright red blood splattered onto the floor._

_She did what I said. Never interfering._

_I tried to stand, but he shoved me down and I felt the blade digging into my shoulder blade; instantly weakening me. I let out a hoarse groan of pain, and I felt the warm sticky wetness stream down my back and curling around my side to my ribcage. I saw the blood drip and I closed my eyes, shoving back against him. _

_The blade clattered to the floor and he shoved me into my bedroom before I clocked his jaw with my fist, knocking me straight into the hard wooden dresser. I crumpled to the floor in pain and he slammed the door shut, my room shaking. I heard him arguing with my mother as she cleaned up the broken glass. I'd dropped his fucking glass of wine and I get this shit in return. We were eating Christmas dinner, and apparently I was ' being a fucking bother as always'. _

_The moment the glass hit the floor he was out of his chair and shoving me to the floor. I felt the glass stick in my arms, bleeding and gushing out. I felt my body limp as I got up and went towards the bathroom. I looked at the mark in my shoulder blade, still gushing the dark red blood into the cotton of my shirt. I grabbed a rag and pressed it to my shoulder, trying stopping it. I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a low groan of pain that coursed through my entire body._

_I heard the sound of the steam cleaner on the floor in the hallway, and the dragging of a bucket in the kitchen. After about an hour, it was silent and I heard my bedroom door open and close. I was sitting on the closed toilet seat, trying to get the glass out of my arms. My mother came into the bathroom holding a pair of tweezers and things to stitch me up. She set everything down on the counter by the sink and took my face between her hands, kissing my forehead._

_" I'm so sorry, my boy." she whispered._

_" Can you get another rag? This one is ruined." _

_She grabbed another from the cabinet and grabbed the bloodied one, she gasped when she saw the gash, and immediately pressed the rag to it. I groaned and bent forward, wanting the pain to go away._

_" Let me get the glass out of your arms, sweetheart."_

_My mom carefully took all of the pieces out of my skin, putting a spray on it to prevent infection. Some were okay with Band-Aids over them; some needed a stitch or two. Once she had fixed my arms up she helped me with taking my shirt off. The blue and purple bruises were blossoming over my stomach and lower abdomen from his harsh kicks. My fucking junk still hurt from where his knee hit. I probably lost my ability to reproduce._

_The bleeding had stopped and now my mother was stitching me up. She learned really well how to over the years, and I rarely had issues with the stitches breaking or anything of the sort. When she was finished, she put some gauze over it and taped around it with medical tape. I put on a fresh shirt and tossed the bloodied one in the trash._

_I felt my body slump over to the bed, and I laid down, staring at the cold gray walls. I felt my mother's weight shift the mattress and she leaned against the headboard and drew me closer to her. I rested my head on my other pillow closer to her. Her arms cradled me as best she could as I felt the cold tears drip down my face._

_" It will be okay Edward. I promise you it will be better one day. I love you, baby."_

_~\\~_

_End Flashback_

_~\\~_

I was broken out of my thoughts when I felt Bella sitting on the edge of the couch after taking the book out of my hands. She somehow had done that while I was stuck in fucking flashback land, and set the book open on the end table. I felt her hand stroking my arm softly, and she gazed at me. I saw the small white scars from the glass on my arm, her hand smoothing over them.

" What's wrong, Edward?"

" Nothing...Just thinking about my mom."

" Do you want to talk to her? Get closure, Edward? Feel released from all of these...demons you have because of it. The ones you carry around."

I didn't fucking expect to hear all of that.

" What do you mean?"

" Just that...I rarely see you happy and smiling except for maybe when I'm with you."

" Is that a fucking issue?" I asked, getting defensive.

She stood up slowly, " I was just saying...I didn't mean it in a bad way. I meant it in a good way, to help you move forward and just be happy."

" I can't be consistently _happy, _Bella. My past won't ever be forgotten, I will think about it every day for the rest of my life whether I like it or not. That's the way it fucking is. Do you not get that? I thought it was clear."

" Edward...What the fuck? I mean, I see you're happy, I'm not forcing you; but don't you maybe want that closure. You haven't found it yourself, I mean...Fuck! Don't you want to be happy, all the time and consistently?"

" Good morning not so love birds."

" _You _make me happy. That's fucking enough. I don't need fucking happiness every second of the goddamn day. Nobody is always happy and shitting rainbows."

I felt my calm and collected manner slipping, and Bella was getting under my skin, she knew it. I stood up quickly and stared down at her. She looked pissed off.

" So? That's not the point. Why not try to be happier if you know it's possible. It's fucking stupid, Edward. I want you to be happy not just with me, but just in general, too. I know you want to be happy."

" We fucking met, what? Mid-may? We've known each other four and a half months. You don't fucking know me, or what the fuck I want out of life." I shouted at her.

" Excuse me? I do know you."

" Fuck that, you just sleep in my goddamn bed every night. That doesn't give you the ticket to know everything about me."

I immediately regretted the words that came out of my mouth.

" So, what? I'm your fucking whore now? Fuck you, Edward."

She made her way down the hall and Jasper was out of his room again in an instant, catching Bella and stopping her movement. I saw the tears stream down her face and I reached for her, grabbing her arm and pulling her towards me.

" No, Bella. I didn't mean that. I don't know why the fuck I said that."

" Well, it fucking sounded like it. Leave me alone, I'll call a damn taxi."

" In this weather? Fuck no. They aren't even running right now."

She moved away from Jasper and went into my bedroom; I went after her, ignoring Jasper telling me to let her be. He can do that with Alice, but Bella and I are opposites. Bella was grabbing her shit off the floor and I went to her, taking both of her arms and making her face me.

" Let me go."

" You're fucking hurting yourself. Stop. Bella, I didn't mean what I said, I was fucking angry, and fucking stupid. I need you to understand."

" THAT'S ALL I FUCKING DO! I UNDERSTAND!" she paused, " I had to understand my fucking mother was dead, I had to understand that I was on my own and I had to take care of myself, I had to understand my dad was just depressed, I had to understand that everything in my life was going to be fucked up besides my education!" she screamed at me.

I grabbed onto her and wrapped my arms around her.

I felt awful.

I felt like all this time was about all of my fucking issues, and her life was perfect in my mind. It wasn't, she lost shit, she knew what it felt like to have to understand that things can be shitty, and sometimes they might always be that way.

This all came on so quick, my head was almost fucking spinning in non-stop circles and I didn't know how to make this better. I just called the person that I fucking loved the most in this world a whore. I told her she didn't know anything about me when she was the one that knew everything. The ugly and the painful.

I did fucking love this women; I knew it in my heart. She kept me alive, kept me sane and made me feel better about myself.

" I know, I know you do. You understand everything. You're a goddamn fucking saint for putting up with my shit, and I don't deserve it. I don't deserve any part of you."

Her hands were in fists against my chest, and I gripped her wrists, not tight enough to hurt or bruise her, but enough to hold her to me."

" You're not the only one who is fucked up sometimes, Edward."

" I'm sorry. I'm sorry for acting like your life is perfect and great. I know that you have issues and shit to deal with, and I thought you knew that you could talk to me about anything that is weighing down on you. I want you to fucking know that now if you didn't before."

" You don't fucking think I'm a whore do you?"

" Fuck no. Bella, I didn't know what I was saying. I didn't...Never."

I grabbed onto her as tight as I could and held her to me. I felt her arms around my neck, holding on to me as if she would die if she didn't. I kissed her mostly bare shoulder, securing her to me. I couldn't lose this, the only thing in my life that was actually real.

**Authors Note- Things are heating up a bit for the couple. But what happens when Bella constantly has to understand and forgive Edward for his outbursts?**

**Previous Question ( My answer)-Shower or Bath?**

**I'd probably have to say shower.**

**NEW QUESTION?- How many of you are those people that have to get over it and just understand? **

**Feel free to answer the question, leave me your thoughts in a review, they keep the writing juices a flowin'!**


	26. Fight

**Authors Note- Hope the week is going good for ya'll! This chapter is a little rocky, so please bear with me on this one.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

Things felt to have gotten fucking bad since I dropped Bella off with her things on Sunday, October 12th. She was able to get around by herself now, even though she was still in a bit of pain. I missed her like hell at nighttime, and I was sure the feeling was mutual. Almost every night she will call at around one in the morning if she isn't asleep, and she makes me talk to her over the phone until we fall asleep together. It's not the same as wrapping her in my arms, but it sure as hell is something. I'd never been so thankful for a phone in my entire life.

I went over to her house just yesterday, and brought her some mushroom ravioli from her favorite Italian place. We spent some time together, lazing around in bed and doing nothing much else. We watched a few movies, and messed around on the internet. It was nice just being ourselves, not even having to have a good time in order for it to happen. When her father came home and was poking around, I'd left Bella with a kiss on her lips, because at that point it was ten thirty.

I knew that Bella was planning on getting an apartment after a few months at her new job, with a stable income that would be her plan, and I was actually excited about it for her. She loved her father, I could clearly tell by how positively talked about him and acted around him, but she has expressed that she would like to have her own space. She'd very much suggested that I could stay with her and we could do our…nighttime activities…in private without worrying that someone will hear what we are doing.

She's been talking about it more now, so I am sure once she is able, she will be circling ads in the newspaper with red marker.

We haven't broached the subject of living together, but I honesty don't think right now would be the best time anyways. I couldn't leave the rent of the apartment up to Jasper, and utilities, it wouldn't be fucking fair to him. He has always been a great friend, and I couldn't ever leave him high and dry like that. I also think that our relationship probably has a lot of developing until we take that step and decide to move in together.

Now, Halloween was soon approaching, and I'd talked to Bella about it, she was excited to be handing out candy, Halloween is her favorite holiday, and I told her I'd come over and do it with her at her house because there was nothing to do here besides sit around. It's not like people apartment trick-or-treat, but if they did, Jasper was going to be armed with candy. I wouldn't put it past him to eat it and just put a fucking 'nobody home' sign on the door.

Bella's father was going to be cruising around neighborhoods, starting a shift at five, keeping an eye on kids that were going to be out for the holiday, and then he had a shift afterwards, that would run until seven in the morning the next day so we would be alone for the entire time basically.

I had Halloween off, Dr. Kane and Dr. Lavine gave us a privilege of having the day off. I worked in the afternoon on Friday at the library before going to Bella's. Bella had also said that I could stay overnight with her if I wanted to. I still hadn't told her I would, I was a little wary of her father being around in the morning, but if she really wanted me to be there, I would fucking do it for her. I wanted her to be happy, that was my main goal.

It's already October 23rd, a Thursday. The beginning of the week was a little busy, but I was still getting a fucking grasp on it. The hospital has been a little unusually busy, but I enjoy the challenge and being kept busy is always welcomed in my world.

This morning I'd actually gotten a call from Carlisle, and apparently my mother has been snooping around the area. I have been doing my residence at Northwest Hospital and Medical Center. UW Medicine affiliated with UW. And Carlisle works at Virginia Mason Hospital downtown; they have a private care system, but they still have an Emergency Department.

Apparently my mother showed up early this morning at Virginia Mason Hospital, asking about me, and Carlisle had heard my name tossed in as he was heading to the front for a chart on a patient. Carlisle has never met my mother, but he said that the moment he looked at her, that he knew something was weird. He said he could identify the color of the hair anywhere, and went on telling me how much I looked like her. I bet if I gave him a picture of my father in his twenties when he first married my mother, he'd think it was me besides the brown hair. I had the same face structure and everything. It was the reason I never fucking stared in the mirror longer than necessary.

And Carlisle, trying to be respectful...He fucking told her that he and Esme were the ones that had adopted me. This angered me for a moment, but I knew that Carlisle was an honest man, and he was trying to do right by me. He told her to give me space, and if I wanted to talk, I would talk to her myself. I appreciated the hell out of that, and I respected Carlisle very much for saying the right thing.

" Hey, dude, you alright?" Jasper asked, taking a swig of his Diet Pepsi.

Since we are always fucked coped up in the apartment or busy with school shit, Jasper and I said fuck it with takeout and got of our asses and headed to Volturi Bar and Grill for real food. We haven't had real food in what feels like weeks, and we both had free time so we just headed out a half hour ago and wandered over here to get something to eat.

" Sorry, spacing out. It's becoming a fucking habit."

" I can tell. So, how's things with Bella?" he asked, stabbing his chicken.

" Mm, alright." I said skeptically.

" You guys just seem to fucking fight over shit."

" That was one fucking bad thing, and I was the fucking idiot in that."

He smirked. " She's got you whipped."

" Yeah, probably does. I fucking love her."

His fork clanked against his plate, and I glared at him over the table. It was like he didn't think I could love anybody or some shit. Yes, I can be in love. Even if this is the fucking first time I've ever felt like this. It's not like I am prone to it for fucks sake.

" Edward Masen, in love?"

" Fuck you." I said with a laugh

" Have you told her?"

" Oh, no, Jazz. I am so nervous; I want it to be perfect." I said in a girly sarcastic voice.

" Screw you, I was just curious."

" No, I haven't told her anything yet. I've not been with her for more than a few months, and I don't want to freak her the fuck out."

He scoffed, " I told Alice I loved her after three months."

" Bella isn't as...hyper, happy, I love life...You know what the fuck I am talking about."

Jasper shrugged, " I guess, but the longer you wait, it's going to be harder to keep in. I mean, are you like really fucking in love with her, or is it because you guys are screwing around?"

I hadn't gotten any real action since Victoria, if only Jasper fucking knew that. He would laugh at me if I told him that I was the one holding back from Bella in that certain aspect of our relationship.

" Yeah, okay." I said with a snort, taking a huge bite of my pasta.

" Oooh, something going on? Someone sounds discouraged. Bella Swan not putting out for you?"

" I'm not fucking talking about it. We aren't gossiping old ladies, and you'd fucking laugh at me."

" Oh, fuck that. We aren't gossiping old ladies."

" Bella is more than willing, I'm not."

He looked at me incredulously, like I was crazy. " You're messing with me."

" No, I'm not fucking with you. Look, I'm not waiting for the moment to be extra special, but I fucking want it to be right, not just because we want some. She's different than Victoria, a lot different. I'd feel shitty if all she thought was sex is what I am in for."

" I guess I can see that. I don't know how you stay away from her though. I love Alice, but Bella is se-"

I glared at him, " Stop there. Just fucking stop. I don't want to hear it."

He laughed, " Fine, whatever."

I took a swig of my beer and leaned back. " That was fucking good. I was getting tired of fast food burgers."

" Amen to that, man. Never thought I'd see the day where I got tired of beef."

I picked up the tab on this bill, and we chilled around for awhile, having a few more drinks from the bar and then headed back to the apartment. We weren't fucking drunk or anything of the sort, and got into the apartment safely. Jasper called Alice back, immediately heading for his room without another word, and I walked into my own room.

It felt nice to get out of the apartment for awhile, it was fucking refreshing. I was grateful to have an earlier day off, and Jasper and I haven't really fucking talked for more than ten minutes in awhile. It seemed like when we were in our dorm we talked a bit more. Yeah, I still sometimes isolate myself, but Jasper is a good friend, always has been.

I messed around on my laptop for awhile, sitting in bed, and I got a call from Bella at around one as I was getting ready to get some sleep. I sat in bed and flipped the lamp on so that I could see.

" Hey, green eyes." I heard her said into the phone.

" Hello, sunshine. Everything okay?"

" Yeah, I just missed you today. It's fucking crazy."

" It isn't. I missed you, too."

" Come here...I want you to hold me."

" You know I would if I could. But I have the hospital, and class this week and work. I am hoping during the weekend I will have some free time. I work Saturday almost all day, but maybe I can pick you up, you can stay over and we can go do something on Sunday if you feel up to it. Go out to dinner maybe."

" Are you asking me out on a date?"

" Do I have to ask?"

She laughed, " No, you don't ever have to ask."

" Good, because I plan to steal you away as often as I can these days. I fucking miss you being here."

" I know, I miss you, too. We should just get an apartment together."

" Mm, oh, yeah?" I asked.

" I'm fucking serious. I miss you like hell when you aren't around, and I just wish you were here." she said in a serious tone, with no hint of being whiney or playful.

" I know. Maybe months down the line we can think about it."

" What, you mean like when I actually get one? I'm hoping beginning of February."

" Maybe next summer, after you get settled completely with work and an apartment." I said gently, not wanting to hurt her feelings..

" Summer? Really, Edward?" she asked, surprised.

I cleared my throat. " Yeah...I mean, I have more to think about then just what I want, Bella."

" What do you mean?"

" I am not going to leave Jasper with the rent for this place, and utilities. It wouldn't be fair, and I have no time right now for packing my shit and leave, and I still think we should...wait before we take that step."

" Edward, I lived with you for how long when I got my surgery? Like three weeks."

" Look, I care about you very much. I don't want to ruin this and move too fast. Can we just put this one on the backburner? When you find an apartment, we can talk about it more, make plans for something. Let's just take what's going on by day right now."

" You know, I don't get why you keep holding us back."

Fucking damnit, this was what I was avoiding by trying to be nice and not hurt her feelings. Mission fucking failed.

" Bella, I'm not holding us back. Moving in together is a big fucking decision."

" Yeah, you are holding us back, and I don't get it. You don't want to have sex with me; you don't even want to move in with me when I get my apartment. What do you want to do, Edward? Seriously?"

" I-"

" We are on the phone every night, and you tell me how much you miss me, and want me in your arms. And then I tell you that we could make that happen in the future and you hesitate. Is it too much of a commitment for you?"

" Look, I d-"

" I'm tired of th-"

" Fuck! Stop interrupting me goddamn it! What, you want me to move into your apartment and we can have sex all fucking day and do what you want? I'm sorry if I have fucking values, and I want us to take a normal pace so that this won't get fucked up because we went too fast. And you keep fucking pushing me to do all this shit."

" You know what, I'm just tired of this."

" Well, you started it this time. I'm going to fucking bed, goodnight."

I hung up my phone and pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes, groaning. I was fucking tired of fighting, I hated this, and I didn't fucking ask for this to happen. She was making this it into more than need be.

Fuck this.

~\\~

I went to bed early that night, my phone turned off. I was at the point of knowing that I would do something stupid, or say something stupid if she called me right now. Locking my door, I slept in only my boxers under the covers. I could smell Bella's faint scent on my pillow, and I closed my eyes and breathed it in, hoping all of this stress would just disappear. It didn't.

Early in the morning, I had gotten up, glad it was Friday, and got ready to head over to the hospital. Jasper gave me space; I think he knew that Bella and I got into another fight, probably by my yelling over the phone. I drank a cup of coffee, trying to boost myself up from only getting three fucking hours of sleep last night.

I turned my phone on, and I had no missed calls or messages.

I was unsure whether or not to be relieved. At one point, I figured it was that she was pissed at me and didn't want to talk, or she just wasn't calling because she was upset. Stopping my train of thoughts, I headed to my car, got in and headed towards the hospital.

Today was a pretty normal paced day, I kept busy and Dr. Levine was talking a lot about setting bones, and dislocations. As of now, we have been doing transfusions, basic physicals, IV's and simple things like that. Of course, there was no way they were going to give us a patient and try and set the bone, no fucking way.

We'd been learning in class, books teach us the right way to hold it, depending on where it is. They were teaching us how to grip the arm or other part of the anatomy, and how to set the bone quickly without inflicting much pain upon a patient. I knew about these things, but it was different when watching a doctor do the procedure. Not all of the people in the residency are becoming ER Physicians. I work a lot with Dr. Levine; he does a lot of it, too.

The class that I've been taking besides doing the residency collaborates with what Dr. Kane and Dr. Levine teach us or focus on during a day. It's always one cue and they go together well, it's rarely ever moving at a pace where the two are consistent.

I know I'm not going to be the doctor that loiters around checking on patients all the time, I'm going to be front and fucking center by those doors, checking people over to see how they need to be treated the moment the walk in. It's going to be a rush. If there is someone with internal bleeding, they will be handed off to the nearest doctor while I check on the person who has a fucking bone sticking out of there leg that also walked in, or pronouncing the death of someone I wanted to save, but they just didn't make it.

But I still need to know all of these things. I won't always have one after another, and I will need to help out regular doctors if they really need to be. It's not always going to be one after another after another, which is also something to be understood when getting into this.

" Now, you don't want to just move the bone slowly during this process. Most of the time it needs to be jerked into place because it's not going to move unless you use a force. Gripping one side of the forearm, from about where the break is, and around the wrist, it's jerked into place, depending on where the break is located; if it's to the left, or to the right. Always keep a hand on the wrist, if that were to falter, the bone could move even more out of place and dislocate it further."

As he went on, all of us intently listened. We'd seen him fix one before, but he said there would be a long while before he let us do it ourselves. It's not like he can give us a guy with a dislocated arm and be all like fucking; ' Here, try on this one and see if you can do it.' These are human beings, not fake people.

I had a quick lunch, another cup of coffee and a granola bar, not considered enough; but considered to be enough right now. My appetite wasn't really at a high at the moment. I felt the stress about what's going on with Bella and I, and I didn't want this shit to happen with us. It's not how things are supposed to go.

~\\~

" Two days. So, what? I can't get a break for a few days. I'm tired of fighting."

" You shouldn't have to need a break from our relationship, and I don't want to fight with you either. I just don't fucking get why I have to move into an apartment with you to prove how much I care about you. I want to take this slow."

" It's not even about taking it slow, Edward. I just want to wake up to you every single day, I want you to hold me, I want to look forward for you to crawl into bed at night after a long shift. I'm offering this to you, and you're not taking."

" Bella, I want to, but I want us to take a slower pace. It's not been just a few months; I want us to do more before taking a big leap and doing that."

" Fuck taking it slow, and building up damn steps to the peak of perfection. That's just...stupid."

" Well then I guess you call my damn values stupid."

" I'm just done with this, Edward."

She hung up the phone and I didn't hear another word from the other end of the phone. I was done reaching out at this point, she could call me, text me or do whatever the hell she wants when she is ready, but I wasn't about to wait around for her to come around, be civil and calm about it before I got this reaction. But now until then; fuck it. I didn't know if some other shit was going on to make her act like this towards me, but she's never been this way. All pissed off and defensive. It's unfamiliar to me, and I don't like it one fucking bit.

~\\~

October 30th

Thursday

~\\~

" Hey, I got your message. Everything okay?" I heard her voice and I felt calm almost immediately.

Alice always was able to do that. She was always the number one person I went to if I needed to talk about something, and I fucking needed to right now. She could calm me down from my freak outs, and besides Alice, Bella also helped in that way, too. A big reason I was attracted to Bella was because she could take my attention away from any stress that was going on. Except this time she was adding to it.

" No, not right now." I stated, walking up and down the sidewalk outside the building. I was on break.

" What's going on?"

" Have you talked to Bella? Is something going on with her I don't fucking know."

" Ahh, I figured you call. Edward, I don't want to get in the middle."

" Ali, I'd never do that to you. Just tell me if something is going on with her. We're fucking fighting about us fighting. We've had like three fights this month alone, and shit is going downhill."

" She told me that you don't want to move in an apartment with her."

" I told her I wanted to wait to the summer. Alice, do you think it's wrong that I just want to make this go in a good order? I want us to start going out on fucking dates, I want us to experience more with each other before moving in. I feel if we go to fast, we have nothing to look forward to."

" I know what you mean, Edward. I mean, that's a big reason Jasper and I were okay with being apart, it makes the heart grow fonder, as stupid as it sounds. But we can still look forward to the future, but yet still see each other. I really think you and Bella need to talk in person, and be done with the phone conversations."

" I haven't seen her since...fucking forever."

" Edward, she misses you, she told me yesterday that she did. Be glad she's only a ten minute drive away. You should get your ass over there and talk to her."

" After the hospital, I'll go over there. Thanks, Alice."

" No! Go now, that would be romantic."

" I would, but I still have to finish, I can't just leave. Shit, Alice, incoming call. But thanks, I love you, I'll call you this weekend."

" Okay, love you, brother. Bye."

I switched calls and answered it, not bothering to check the caller ID. I rarely had any toll free calls, or anything else that was bogus, so I didn't really give a shit about it

" Hello."

" Hey."

Her voice was quiet, timid, and she clearly sounded like she was upset right now. It was ironic, I'd just been talking to Alice on how to fucking fix our two previous fights. One about the apartment, and one about why we were fighting in the first place, and that one turned out to almost be worse than the last

I'd called her up to try and resolve it, and she freaked the fuck out. We didn't talk for two days after that one. The one about us fighting happened three whole days ago. I haven't talked to her at all since, and I didn't bother to contact her because I didn't want to make it worse. I decided then that she could come to me, and then we could talk. I wasn't fucking calling again, and I am sure she probably realized that when I was silent for a good amount of time.

" Hi."

" I'm sorry for...everything. I was being a bitch, and I just...Edward, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." She ranted immediately, catching me off guard.

I'd noticed that she also sounded like she had been crying a lot. Her voice sounded a bit raspy to me.

" Babe, why are you crying?"

The nickname slipped out before I could stop it, but she didn't respond to that at all.

" Because...I was sitting here, thinking about how it would be like if we broke up like this, and how you would hate me, and I just; I need you, so much more than you could ever imagine, Edward. I feel like I lost some part of me, and I don't want to feel like this. I don't want you to be angry at me. I feel like someone just took half of me."

My heart clenched upon hearing her periodic sobs, and her words upset me. I hated knowing that she felt that way, and I could hear the genuine apology in her voice as she said all of this to me. I was quiet for a moment before saying the first thing that came to mind. I never wanted her to think that I hated her, that was the furthest from the truth if she only knew it.

" Bella, I don't hate you." I assured her.

" Promise me."

" I promise you."

" I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry.

" Look, I'm getting off early today at the hospital. Can you be dressed at eight fifteen? We'll go get some coffee and talk. I'll pick you up, okay?"

" Okay." She said, sniffing.

We said our goodbyes over the phone, but it didn't feel the same as it used to. It held sadness and a longing that felt weird and foreign to me.

How did things go downhill so fast?

**Authors Note- Alright, I hope you all can bear with me. I also hope you all don't find Bella as a total super bitch! We're getting into the story-line people!**

**Previous Question(My Answer)-How many of you are those people that have to get over it and just understand?**

**Yes! I have dealt with a lot of that. It can be frustrating, but it makes you a good person to be able to understand, no matter how hard it is.**

**NEW QUESTION!- Ever miss someone like crazy, even if it's only been a few days?**

**Leave me a cool answer, and I will respond best I can! Tell me about your thoughts on the chapter; it helps motivate me to write quicker when I get lots and lots of thoughts from everyone!**

**REVIEW!**


	27. Missing You

**Authors Note- Yes, this one is pretty on time, and I just couldn't stop writing once I opened up this document, everything just seemed to spill out, and this is what you guys get!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

_Previously..._

_" Look, I'm getting off early today at the hospital. Can you be dressed at eight fifteen? We'll go get some coffee and talk. I'll pick you up, okay?"_

_" Okay." She said, sniffing._

_We said our goodbyes over the phone, but it didn't feel the same as it used to. It held sadness and a longing that felt weird and foreign to me. _

_How did things go downhill so fast?_

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

I was nervous, and I didn't understand why it was almost to the point of being overwhelming. I hoped...I _know _that we won't be breaking up, that wasn't in the fucking cards right now. I wouldn't let her go unless she wanted me to.

The rest of the right went on, it was slow, maybe three people came in between six and eight, I helped around a bit where-ever I could, and talked for awhile with Dr. Levine about some things regarding my residency, he praised me in how good I've picked all this up, and my dedication to grades. This boosted up my mood a bit, I was glad that I was making it evident that I wanted this more than anything.

I was released at eight and immediately headed to Bella's house with no stops between. I took off my lab coat and was left in my button up, tie, black slacks and shined shoes. I ran my hand through my hair, trying not to freak the fuck out. I figured we could go to Starbucks, I knew she enjoyed their breads and pastries, and it was a quiet atmosphere where we could talk openly.

When I pulled up to the house, I could see her tiny figure sitting on the steps up to her home. I parked on the curb and got out of the car, and before I could get completely around the car to get to her, she was in my arms. I caught her and held her up, feeling her arms winding around my neck.

I breathed in her scent and wrapped my arms tighter around her waist, not wanting to let her go. Her lips pressed against the side of my neck, and I kissed the top of her head and set her down. I felt her forehead rest on my chest, and her hands rested on my stomach.

" I've missed you so much."

" I missed you, too." I told her.

I put my finger under her chin and she looked up at me with those beautiful brown eyes, making me get lost in her beauty as fucking cheesy as it sounded. She was gorgeous, and I was lucky to even have her in the first place. She started back at me, her hand moving up to grasp my wrist.

She pulled away when I leaned down towards her, and I closed my eyes.

" Don't pull away from me, please." I said quietly.

I kissed her then, and I could feel that she was hesitant, but I was able to coax her into it. I don't think she cared that her father could be watching outside the living room window, and I didn't either. I kissed her with want, and I felt her lean into me, giving into my advances with her arms around my neck. When I pulled away from her, she stumbled back breathless and I held her to me,

" Come on, let's go." I said, releasing her reluctantly and getting into the car.

We were quiet the entire drive, but she held my hand in her lap and linked her fingers in the spaces between mine in a perfect fit. Her thumb rubbed up and down the top of my hand, and occasionally she would place a kiss on the middle.

When I reached the Starbucks, I got out and quickly went to open Bella's door before she did it for herself. She stepped out and immediately took my free hand. I shut the door and made sure the car was securely locked up before opening the door of the coffee shop, which was completely empty. Bella looked at me warily, as if I was going to freak out because I haven't walked in here since I saw my mother here.

I just held her hand and walked to the counter. Bella had decided on a Caramel Macchiato and a chocolate croissant, and I got a butter croissant and a Vanilla Bean Cream Frappuccino. I paid for both and sat down at the seat we did last time. She looked up at me, her eyes holding sorrow.

" I'm sorry about the whole...moving in thing." She started. "Recently, I feel like you are starting to slip away from me, and I thought it was the solution to keep that from happening. I was hoping you'd be excited and happy about it, and we could look forward to something like that. I guess I just wanted to see you happy, and know that you want to be with me just as much as I want to be with you."

" I want to be with y-"

" Your order is up, sir." the barista interrupted.

I sighed and got up, grabbing our drinks and pastries. Bella took her Caramel Macchiato, and I grabbed my own drink and sat down, sliding her croissant in her direction. I stared at my hands for a moment before blurting out the first thing that would come to mind. I thought about it for a second and looked at her, straight in the eyes.

" Have I ever looked at you and said that I never wanted to be with you?"

" No, Edward. But sometimes the way that you act speaks volume."

" Tell me."

" You don't want to have sex with me. I mean, the whole waiting for the perfect moment is respectful; Edward, but...I don't need all that. And the anger you have, how you lash out at me sometimes. I just feel like I am not doing anything good for you."

" Bella, you are the only thing that is keeping me going right now. I don't fucking know what I would do without you. I don't mean to lash out on you, Bella, I feel awful for doing it...With my mother coming around, I am fucking on edge, which is no excuse, but it's stressing me the fuck out. She showed up at Carlisle's work and was looking for me, and she won't give up until I talk to her, but I just can't do it without wanting to just scream."

" I know. I understand that's been really hard on you."

" And Bella, I know you don't need any special waiting treatment when it comes to sex." I stated.

" Then why do you hold that back? I know that you...I just don't get it."

" Hell, Bella, I want it so bad sometimes, but I don't want to just go at you like a wild animal because we made out for ten minutes and it seems like it's the right time."

" Can you just do me a favor, please, Edward." she said, drinking the remains of her coffee.

I grasped her hands over the table, " Anything."

" If you and I are alone. We are alone. Nobody is going to bother us, and you feel like it could happen, even if it's not the perfect moment where it hits you, and I tell you that I'm ready and I'm okay with it, can you please just...Give in. I'm not trying to sound desperate here, but you act like if we do, I'm going to break, or that I need all the flowers and candles. You need to let yourself lose a little bit, and trust me."

I nodded and kissed the palm of her hand.

" I will. If you promise me that you'll give me just a little bit of time on living with you."

She smiled, " Okay, I promise."

" Bella, I need you by my side. Especially now. I feel like everything is falling down, and I need you. You're the only thing that can hold me up."

Without a word, she stood up and walked over to me, sitting on my lap with her arms around me. I held her tightly and sighed against her skin.

" I'm always here for you, Edward. Forever and always." she whispered

" And I need you to talk to me about these things. When you feel upset about something in our relationship, I want you to talk to me about it. I don't want it to build up, and then have us fighting with each other over it. It's not good."

" Okay."

I held her, brushing her bangs out of her face. She smiled and chastely kissed my lips, pulling back with a small grin. I brushed my lips

" I say we go do something fun, let's go.

" Ed-"

I left my cup of coffee there and handed Bella her pastry, taking her other hand in mine. She laughed and trailed after me, keeping her hand firmly in my own. When we got into the car, she turned to me.

" What're we doing?" she asked.

" Ever have a night at the bar, my style?" I asked her.

" No."

" Mm, get ready. Eat the croissant, I don't want your stomach empty."

~\\~

" Are you crazy?" Bella asked as she looked at the bar, the long line trailing around the building.

" Nope."

" I'm not...Edward."

" You're sexy, just take off those leggings."

" But this is a tankto-"

" Which is definitely long enough to be a dress, take it off."

She took off those fucking hot boots, having to unlace them. Bella made me hold them, and they were heavy, with a four inch heel on top of the metal décor and thick leather, she took off the leggings and was left in a blue, black and pink patterned tank top that was mid thigh, and she had a waist belt tightened around her, showing her slim figure.

" How's your incision been?"

" I take my pills, I can barely feel it tonight."

When she put the boots on and had them laced up perfectly, she looked over at me, " Happy?"

" I'm going to have to fucking fight everyone off you."

I quickly got out of the car and opened up Bella's door. She hopped out and I took her into my arms, kissing the side of her neck before leading her over. As usual, there was a long line into Liquid Ice, but I walked right up to the bouncer; Demetri.

" Edward? Haven't seen you on this scene in forever, man! How's it going?"

" Good, great. You?"

" Pretty great. Who's this lady next to you."

" This is my girlfriend, Bella. Bella this is Demetri. And this is the bar I used to work at awhile back."

" Hm, I see. Nice to meet you." Bella said to him.

He returned the greeting and let me in. I saw all the stares from the people who envied us. I led Bella inside and she kept herself glued to my side, and I kept my arm around her. The music was blaring loudly, and people were dancing and grinding on the dance floor, even on the top floor where the seats were.

I led Bella down the path between the railing and the seats, past all the people that were basically having sex up there, and headed down the spiral stairs towards the bar. I caught many eyes on her, and I kept heading towards the bar, when I hit the long granite countertop and sat down with Bella next to me, I saw Heidi who was standing behind it.

" Edward Masen? Never thought I'd see you around here again." she said, smiling.

Bella, probably feeling like she had to stake her claim, wrapped her arm around my neck and climbed herself into my lap. I held onto her so she wouldn't fall and Heidi quirked an eyebrow.

" All be goddamned. Have yourself a hot girlfriend, too?"

" Don't you fucking know it. Let's start off with some red headed sluts, make it four."

Bella was surprised at the name, but I smirked at her. The shot is half Jagermeister, and half peach schnapps.

Just then some jackass with blonde hair tried to fucking cop a feel at Bella; while she was sitting on my lap. I fucking grabbed his hand and stared him deep in his steel grey eyes eyes as I twisted his wrist.

" FUCK!"

" Look or touch her again and I'll take your fucking hand off."

I released him and Bella smiled at me, pecking my lips before moving to her stool just as Heidi set the shots down in front of us. I grabbed one, as did Bella, and she looked at me. We both put the cup to our lips and downed it quickly, for me, it went down easy, for Bella, and she coughed a bit.

" Fuck, that was rough."

Heidi smirked further, " And a brit? Where'd you find this one, Edward? Kidnap her from England?"

I laughed and downed the next shot. Bella did the second one also and she didn't cough as much this time, just a small one, and her nose wrinkled up in the most fucking cutest way.

" I went to college at Cambridge University in London. I met Edward's younger sister Alice when I was a sophomore in high school. I hadn't met Edward until I was done with college and I stayed with his family during the summer."

Heidi nodded, " Oh, that's cool. Alice is the one who is dating Jasper, right? I met him a few times." she said

I nodded, " Yup, still going strong."

Bella and I talked with Heidi a bit, not wanting to take on shot after shot too quick, but Bella was loosening up in the atmosphere. Many guys slid into the barstool next to her, she showed them so interest and kept her eyes mostly on me, and I made it clear that she was mine.

I ordered two tequila shots, and Bella seemed to be getting really into that. Heidi had cut a lime for us and I grabbed the salt that was pushed off to the side of the bar. The way Bella looked at me caused me to smile, she knew what was coming and she was excited. Heidi dropped off our shots and went to take some other drinks to a table. I pulled Bella's stool closer to mine and put my foot in the bar of hers, leaning over.

" Bend your head back."

She complied and I leaned forward, licking the column of her neck. I sprinkled some salt over her moist skin and grabbed the lime, putting the skin side between her teeth for her to grip. I bent down to lick the salt, feeling the vibrations of her moan when my tongue touched her skin. I pulled back and downed the tequila quickly, the burn not as bad because of the salt, and I touched my lips to hers, taking the lime from between her lips. I sucked on it once and set it down.

" That was hot...Mm, my turn."

Bella somehow seated herself on my legs, facing me. I did as she did, and bent my head back. One of her hands were on the back of my neck, and she leaned forward and licked straight up my neck, I groaned, desiring her more than ever at that very moment. She put the lime between my lips and put the salt on my neck. Bella licked up the salt slowly, taking her sweet time, and I groaned deeply on the feeling of her tongue touching my skin. She took the shot quickly and took the lime from between my lips.

Before I could compose myself she took the lime out of her mouth and pressed her lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her as close as I could to me.

And this was just the beginning.

~\\~

I did one more shot, which was a jello shot and I ate it off the top of Bella's boobs, and she liked that a lot; making that obvious. I let her do two off of me, but after that she sucked down one after another. Heidi had poured her one of her specialty drinks, and I have no fucking clue what was in that, but it was an electric blue. I guess that it had to have contained blue Curacao, because it had that color. Bella drained two of those, and she was already fucking drunk off her ass; my innocent little Bella.

I didn't know what to expect from a drunken Bella. But when she hit that point of just completely drunk, she was flirty as hell. She had wrapped herself around me, and was moving her body in ways that I really didn't think was fucking possible. I tried to keep her still, she might be drunk, but I didn't want her incision hurting from all the body rolling this girl was doing against me.

She had grabbed my hand at some point and had gotten me on the dance floor; she coaxed me into it, running her hands over my chest and down my arms.

Yeah, that worked on me; good.

Her arms wrapped around my neck and I rested my hands on her back, trying to keep a little reserved, but she kept getting bumped into me, which was doing a number on my…control. Her tiny waist. Tall heels. Amazing rack. Not only does Bella have a stellar personality, but she's sexy as hell. And Bella definitely hit the mark, I was lucky to have a girl like her.

" Edward." she basically shouted in my ear.

" What, babe." I asked her, laughing quietly.

" My phone won't stop vibrating!"

" Where's your phone, sunshine?"

" In my boot."

Just to drive her even crazier, I bent down and travelled my arms down her waist and hips, and then down her left leg. Her phone slightly stuck out and I grabbed it, seeing that the caller ID said Alice. I stood up and held Bella to my side.

I texted Alice quickly, telling her that Bella and I were at a bar, and Bella was currently quite drunk.

She texted back immediately, telling me that she just wanted to know what Bella was up to, I promised to have Bella call her tomorrow afternoon, and Alice of course, told us to have fun. I put Bella's phone in my pocket instead, and Bella started grinding all over me. I gripped her waist, not wanting to go too far because I knew then that I would be past the point of no fucking return.

" Edward, let's do a few more shots, 'kay?" Bella said sweetly.

Okay, maybe I should have been the boyfriend that was all fucking nice, and would have been like ' No, we should get you home', but that wasn't exactly in the cards for me tonight. The girl wanted full on Everclear, and I knew in the morning, she would be fucked.

Everclear is probably the drink that is closest to being one hundred percent alcohol, and illegal in some places, otherwise, it's very hard to find. It's more common in Canada from my knowledge, but I know that we have it here, and it's rarely served, very scarcely.

But somehow, my little Bella found her way to the bottle. And before I could do anything, I saw her drinking it, downing fucking gulps.

Maybe it was time to take her home, well, to my apartment; no way was I handing her off to Charlie.

' Here, Chief, I got your daughter so fucking drunk last night, here, make sure to give her some aspirin in the morning.'

Fuck no.

I pulled the bottle of Everclear away from her greedy lips and put some money on the counter. Heidi smirked at me, and I rolled my eyes at her, keeping my arm around my very drunk girlfriend. I wished Heidi a goodbye, thanking her for dealing with us tonight and gave her a little extra money.

Bella giggled and buried her face in my neck, kissing it softly. I carried Bella out, it was one thirty in the morning, and I had a shift in the morning at the library so we had to get going. I passed Demetri, who laughed at me while I carried Bella out. I wrestled her in the car, she wanted to go back in and 'see her friends', but I held onto her, buckling her in before getting to the other side and climbing in.

" Sunshine, is your dad expecting you back home tonight?"

_Please say no._

" Nooooope. I told him that I'd s-shray...That I'd _stay_ with you most likely. Now can we please go back? I want to dance with you, you liked it."

" Next time we'll stay longer. I have work though, so we need to get in bed and sleep."

" Bed is lame. Fuck sleep."

Her hand rested on my thigh, sliding up and down. She was giving me this sexy smile at the same time, and it was hard to resist her. When I got back to the apartment, I carried her stumbling self up the stairs, and she was giggling the entire way up.

When I unlocked the apartment, she jumped down and stumbled forward in her tall boots. I grabbed onto her and pulled her to me, her back against my chest.

" You're silly." I whispered to her.

" NO!" She yelled, running down the hall.

I quickly followed after her and locked her in my room. She lay over my bed and started to undress herself, taking off the belt that was around her waist. Then she started to take her dress off, but decided to go with the boots, leaving her dress at her waist bunched up, exposing the rest.

" Dear god."

" It's not god, Edward. It's me. Bella." she said in an annoyed tone, taking her boots off.

I helped her fumbling fingers and slid the boots off. She sighed and laid back on the bed, but I sat her up. I finished taking off her dress and she was just left in a pair of black lace boy shorts and a strapless matching bra.

I helped her into one of my black t-shirts, I believe it was a Muse t-shirt, and it was long on her. I took off my jeans and shirt, making sure to grab our phones from my pocket. There were no messages, from either phone, so I just set them down on the table and headed out of my bedroom to brush my teeth, leaving Bella talking to herself on my bed. I brushed my teeth thoroughly and almost fucking ran into Jasper when I walked out.

" Why is Bella giggling?"

" Because she is very, very fucking drunk. If you'll excuse me, I must take care of that."

He laughed, " Have fun."

I shut my bedroom door and saw Bella lying down, her eyes flashing to me when she noticed me walk in.

" Edward!" she got all fucking excited, " There you are! I missed you, what were you doing?"

" Brushing my teeth, sunshine." I told her, turning off the bedroom light.

The moment that I laid down in bed Bella had me underneath her and she basically fucking attacked my mouth with hers, her little body wrapped around mine completely. I kissed her back, indulging her in just that because I knew right now she was definitely wanting something.

" We're alone, nobody will bother us." she said suggestively.

" Not tonight, Bella."

" But you said-"

" We never said anything about if you were drunk or not."

Now she looked downright pissed. She slapped my arm and got off of me, laying on her side. I turned over and wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her neck, knowing in this state I could get her to let lose and get over the situation.

" Edward, get off...Edw-...Ah! Stop it!"

She wiggled around as I tickled her sides and I held her to me. I pinched her side and she let out a high-pitched yelp, which I cut off with my lips. She tasted like alcohol, but I still didn't care. I kissed her lips, slanting my mouth over hers hotly. She moaned into my mouth, but I could feel her already starting to wear down. I pulled away from her slowly and sighed, pressing her to my chest. She comfortably curled herself around me, and I heard her own content sigh.

" Goodnight, Bella."

" Nighty night, hot stuff."

~\\~

I don't know what the fuck time it was, but I suddenly felt Bella being ripped out of my arms, and the sheet was gone from my body, leaving me cold. She was out of the room in a flash of darkness and I saw the bathroom light up and flood into my bedroom.

That's when the throwing up began. I got up and followed after her to the bathroom, and she was bent over the toilet. I tied her hair back for her and she was spewing liquids constantly, I felt awful for her. I rubbed her back and stood, grabbing some water from the kitchen, and back to the bathroom for aspirin. She was going to have a huge headache later. I didn't want to give it to her now, because then the pill would only end up coming back out.

" Edward," she mumbled before leaning back over.

I stayed with her for however long it took her to stop throwing up, it was around two hours, and I was reminded of the last time. Oddly, it was different. She wasn't as slurry as she was the first time oddly enough, but definitely more uninhibited around me. I enjoyed that side of her, but she was fucking paying for it.

By the time she was finished, the clock had said it was four o' seven, and I had carried her to bed after helping her brush her teeth and drink a little bit of water. I had her swallow two aspirins, and she laid in my arms, her head on my shoulder and arm draped across my stomach. I rubbed her arm softly, soothing her.

She looked exhausted, and eventually she fell asleep, and I did the same after her. My clock went off at eight, and I had an hour. Bella was dead asleep on top of me, her breathing calm and even. I turned off the alarm quickly, not wanting to wake her.

In my arms, I felt her involuntarily shiver slightly. I reached over and grabbed the white and blue fleece blanket at the end of my bed. I've had this blanket forever; since I was about five years old. My mom had given it to me, and it was hers for a few years before I had it. In the winter, since the house got a bit colder, she would give me this to sleep with, and she started giving it to me on Halloween every year, and as I got older she let me keep it. It was one of the things that I wanted to keep with me when the Cullen's took me in. I was able to grab a few belongings from the house, things my mother left, including a few special things I am sure she left especially for me, I took them all. I usually store the blanket somewhere in the summer time, and break it out in the late fall.

I grabbed the edge of it and whipped it out so that it would unfold. I wrapped it around Bella's tiny body. If possible, she curled further into me and sighed quietly. Gazing down at her, I smiled. Even after spending two hours throwing up, she was beautiful. Her pink lips were slightly parted, her face smooth and beautifully pale. I ran my fingers through her long brown hair, feeling the soft texture. I leaned forward and placed small kisses on her cheek.

" Mm, what are you doing?" I heard her ask, her voice low and gravelly.

" You're so beautiful."

She kissed my jaw and rested her head on the pillow mine was on, her face close to mine.

" My head hurts so bad." She moaned.

I reached over to the end table and grabbed the two pills I kept there, along with the water. She sat up, downing both of the pills with the water I'd give her. When she laid back down; she groaned.

" Last night was insane."

" Do you remember it?"

" I remember our first shots, and the jello shots. Damn, green eyes...One day I am doing them off you shirtless, that would be hot...Uhm, fuck...I was grinding on you, right? I know you liked it, a lot." she said, finishing with an eye roll.

" Well, you in a short dress looking sexy as hell grinding on me. Yeah, that'll fucking do it for me. Do you remember stealing that bottle of Everclear from the bartender?"

" I did what?"

" I had to fucking pry it away from those lips." I said.

She groaned, " I swear I don't always get like that. I haven't gotten like super drunk since I was in London with a couple friends before I left. Usually I'm not so..."

" Turned on?"

" Yes, as you so nicely put it; I was. In my defense, you need to stop being so fucking hot."

I laughed quietly and rolled her over onto her back, straddling her waist. " I could tell you the same." I retorted.

" You know what I also remember?" she whispered.

" Hm?"

" How you rejected me last night."

" You were drunk off your ass, and I promised awhile ago that I would make it memorable. I want you to be completely focused on everything that goes on."

" It sounds like it's going to be some kind of monumental moment, and I have to focus on every little thing, or else I'll miss something."

" You will if you don't." I told her, leaning down to kiss her.

She pulled away from me and I rolled off of her. Bella looked at the blanket I had wrapped her in, and I scooted over to rest my head on her chest. Her fingers ran through my hair, and I drew patterns on her bare thigh with the tip of my finger.

" I have to get ready for work."

" Don't leave."

" I don't want to. But its fucking life, something has to pay the bills."

I pulled myself up and out of bed and Bella stared up at me, smiling.

" Mmm, so tempting." I whispered, kissing the top of her hand before dropping it.

I grabbed a white t-shirt and a pair of loose fitting jeans and headed to the bathroom. I showered fucking quick, wanting to get back to Bella and spend as much time with her as I could. I mentally cursed myself for sounding like a fucking whipped, sappy idiot. Once I was finished in the shower, I brushed my teeth and toweled my hair a bit. I left the slight stubble on my jaw, not caring for today.

I tossed on a plain white t-shirt and my boxers and then jeans. When I finished in the bathroom I headed back to my bedroom, and just like usual, she has fallen asleep. I covered her with the blanket and grabbed a pair of socks, putting them on quickly and then my Nike's. I put my wallet and phone in my pocket, and went over to where Bella was sleeping. I kissed her forehead and stood up, heading out towards the kitchen. I ate some scrambled eggs and had a glass of orange juice before leaving.

When I got to the library there were a few college students there, studying early. I immediately went to organizing books and putting others where they belong, lugging a fucking heavy cart around with me. I talked briefly with Jenn, who also worked here, but she was on full time, out of college and struggling with finding a job in the English Department, it was really hard these days to find a job there; Bella had gotten very damn lucky.

" You're like so cool. What the hell are you doing working in a library?" she asked.

I laughed, " Cool? Fuck no. I need to pay the bills to my apartment, and if I want to be able to do shit with my girlfriend, I need money. It's hard pulling hours around here though, and still working my residency and classes."

" Who pays for your med school?"

" Ah, my adoptive parents. I'd not be in the fucking medical field if it weren't for my adoptive father, he pulled a hell of a lot of strings for me, not because I am a fucking idiot; but in general. Without some kind of connection, it's so much fucking harder."

It was odd calling them my adoptive parents, and Carlisle my adoptive father. But there was no way I could explain it to her in a way that wouldn't make me tell the whole story, which isn't something I hand out to people. I don't open up to people about that shit, which is why I opted to just use the terms that were technical, keep it simple.

" That must be nice, my parents didn't give me a dime. How long you been with your girl?"

" Four months, close to five."

Jenn smiled, " She's lucky."

" Mm, flattery gets you fucking nowhere with me." I stated, stacking another three books next to each other that were in perfect order.

" Damn...Hey, want to go out for an early dinner at like four thirty? I know you get off at four, and I am four thirty. Maybe you can stick around, we can get some dinner afterwards."

" Nice offer, but I am getting the fuck out of here when my shift is over. I basically abandoned my damn girlfriend while she was asleep, and we have to hand out candy to kids. I don't think she'd appreciate me ditching her for another girl."

Her face fell, " Oh, alright. Just thought I'd offer."

" Thanks, honestly. I appreciate the offer."

" It was stupid to offer. I'm really sorry."

" Jenn, you're a nice girl…But, I'm really crazy for my girlfriend; I love her."

She nodded and headed off.

Yeah, I was always told that I was going to be a heartbreaker. I guess I didn't fucking get it until now.

I also didn't get why I tell everyone else I love her, and she doesn't even know it yet.

~\\~

" Goddamn it, you!" Bella yelled at me once I had walked through the door.

" Hey, sunshine."

" You left me here! I did nothing, all day!"

" That's productive."

" Productive my ass. I drank all of your orange juice." She stated, probably trying to get a rise out of me.

" That's fine, I have to go grocery shopping anyways."

She glared at me and I walked up to her, lifting her up into my arms and kissed her. I pressed her against the counter and rested my hand on her hip, moving slowly upwards underneath her shirt. I groaned against her lips, feeling her fingertips run up my arms slowly.

Just then I heard loud footsteps in the hallway, and I pulled away from Bella. She rested her head on my shoulder and Jasper walked in. I held Bella close to me, kissing her forehead. He glared over at me.

" No sex in the kitchen, children."

" Oh, that's bullshit." Bella replied

" I pay for half this kitchen." I stated. " Call this my side."

Bella leaned forward and kissed me full on, and pulled away a short moment later.

" I need new clothes and a shower. Let's go!"

She didn't want to put on that dress again, so I let her stay in my Muse t-shirt and tossed her a pair of sweatpants that I wore in high school, they didn't fit me at all now, but at least they came in use now. She only had to roll the waistband twice, and she had a pair of converse she kept here. I have no fucking clue why, but that's how we fucking role.

When she finished changing, she tossed her hair up, grabbed her boots and dress and we headed to her house. Upon arriving ten minutes later, the police cruiser was still in the driveway. Bella grabbed her house key and jammed it in the keyhole and pushed the door open. Chief Swan, I mentally reminded myself to call him Charlie like he requested, was in the foyer, and he had his shotgun in hand, probably ready to leave for work.

" What in the devil are you wearing, child?" he asked.

" I didn't want to put the clothes I had on last night, on again today."

" I think you've taken just about all of your boyfriends shirts." he noted.

" I can agree on that one." I muttered.

Bella laughed and leaned back into me, grasping my hand with hers.

" Well, I'll see you kids later. Have fun tonight." He said, but giving me a stern look as he finished the sentence.

" Okay, bye, daddy."

She kissed his cheek and grabbed my hand, leading me upstairs. I felt Jo-Jo chasing after me up the stairs and Bella laughed and opened her bedroom door. I sat down on her bed and she took her ponytail out and tossed my shirt off her body. I took in the sight of her and she smiled.

" I need to shower." she murmured, kissing me softly.

" I'll be here."

Just to drive me crazy, she took off everything but her underwear and her bra and then ran to the shower. Once I heard the door shut, I laid down on her bed, resting my head on her pillow that was drenched in her scent. It was all Bella.

Eventually I heard the shower turn off, and I heard her bumping around in the bathroom. I heard the water going, and the blow drier turn on for awhile after that. When that turned off she was in there for another fifteen minutes. I wondered what the hell she was doing in there, but she's a girl, girls almost always take fucking forever in the bathroom.

I messed around with her cat, confusing him with a laser light that Bella had, driving him up fucking walls and making him go crazy.

When she came back, I saw that her hair and makeup was done, which is probably why she took longer. Her hair was in its usual curls, and she had on a bit of makeup. I leaned back against her headboard and she gazed at me, a small smile on her face.

" How about you take that damn towel off."

" How about you take it off for me."

I chuckled quietly and she walked over to her dresser, and fuck yes, she did take the damn towel off, but didn't let me take a good look or cop a feel before she put on her underwear. I think she purposely wore one of those damn push-up bras and a pair of white lace underwear. As she went through her closet, I stood up and looked at her dresser, seeing three of my wifebeaters, a pair of my boxers, and four of my band t-shirts.

" What the he-...Oh, you see my collection."

" I do. Fuck, I've been looking everywhere for my ADTR shirt!"

" I like sleeping in your clothes."

I shut the drawer just as Bella grabbed a t-shirt from her closet. She held an orange racer back and another black one that looked...tiny.

" How about you skip the orange one."

" Want me to show off my assets to children, and possible teenage boys looking to pick up a girl?"

I smirked at her, and she rolled her eyes at me. She pulled on the bright orange racer back, and put the black one on over it. Then she proceeded to fit herself into these fucking tight skinny jeans. Once she fit into them, she smiled at me and grabbed a pair of flats from her closet, bending over and giving me a fantastic view of her cleavage.

When she stood, she grabbed something off a hanger that looked like my black zip up hoodie. She slipped it on, and it hung down to her hips.

" You steal everything... don't you?"

She smiled, " I do. I'll give it all back, and start over again."

I wrapped my arms around her waist and was about to lean forward and kiss her nose, but she rested her head on my chest and held me tight to her.

" I don't want to ever go days without seeing you. Even if it's just sleeping with you at night, it's enough. Promise we'll never go more than three days."

" I promise, Bella. I do."

" Good, guess we better start handing out candy, huh?"

" You bet, doll face."

She laughed loudly, " You are not calling me doll face. Be glad I let you slid with babe, babe."

I smiled at her. " Sure thing, babe."

She kissed me softly and took my hand, leading me down the stairs to start the holiday.

**Authors Note- Hope you all enjoyed it!**

**Previous Question ( My answer)-Ever miss someone like crazy, even if it's only been a few days?:**

**Yes, I have. **

**NEW QUESTION: What's your favorite Holiday?**

**Leave me a review with your thoughts, and feel free to answer the question. These reviews keep these chapters going!**

**ALSO VERY IMPORTANT!**

**I am putting a poll up in my profile reguarding a BPOV chapter. VOTE IN THE POLL! Reviewers that tell me 'Yes' or 'No', aren't going to be counted in, so be sure to do that once you finish your review!**


	28. Bonus

**Authors Note- Alright! Everybody, this is a BPOV chapter, I did a poll, and it won, so this is the chapter of the week. Definitely going to be a loaded one, but we get to really see everything about Bella.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

~Bonus~

Bella Point of View

~\\~

From the moment I stood from that car and my eyes were set on those emerald green eyes, I was a total and complete goner. There was no doubt that something was going to happen with him this summer, and I would have made sure of it. Yes, Edward Masen definitely had the good looks, but when I got to know him, skin deep, there was so much more to him than I ever would have thought.

Alice had told me that he had a pretty bad past, something that has still been ever present in his life she had told me. She never went into details, and I respected that. It wasn't her story to tell, and I never forced her to tell me anything about it. Edward was just her older brother that she loved, and she never saw him any less than just that. They were really close with each other, and I could tell that by how highly she talked about him when he was brought up.

Needless to say, I was a little curious as to what person he was in full when I came there. I hadn't planned on spending my summer with the Cullen's, in fact, I told Alice no when she first asked me. She had firstly brought it up because she asked me what my plans were; since I decided that I was moving back to the states. I'd already graduated from Cambridge in London, England, with a degree in English that summer and I didn't have anything else holding me there. Of course, when she asked, I told her a lot of it would be settling in at my dad's house. Alice being Alice insisted that I come stay with her and alas, there I was for the summer.

I hadn't ever expected everything that did happen, to happen. I didn't expect to fall head over heels for a guy I had just met, and to spend a few amazing weeks at a beach house in California, making friends with Alice's family, boyfriend and her great friend, Rosalie. I never expected anything to happen with Edward and I, but eventually, there was that ever-lasting spark that grew. And we couldn't resist it.

It was a little awkward when I first got there, I had stayed in Edward's bedroom, on Esme's wishes, until their guest room had been finished up, and Edward and I actually really stayed out of each other's way, but when the beach house came, that's when we finally gave in to the feelings that we had for one another.

This all happened after he told me of his past, and if his father weren't already dead I would have finished him off. I didn't know such a heartless, cruel man could exist like that. He was absolutely just a wretched man, and I was glad he wasn't around. Edward struggled hard with his past; he kept himself covered up so that nobody could see the scars that I knew marred his back. I didn't care about them; they said how strong he was to survive all of it.

I also never imagined that my father had been a part of Edward's case when his father was killed. When I was younger, my father never discussed anything about his job, even after cases were closed; he never wanted me to know anything. The look on Edward's face the moment he saw my father standing on the back deck, I knew that I wouldn't ever forget it. Edward didn't like having to revisit his past even if it haunted him every day, and seeing my father set something off inside of him. My father knew everything that had happened with Edward and his parents, and Edward didn't like being vulnerable and powerless with my father knowing, I understood this, and now I am extremely happy that they get along good now. It seems like they have some type of understanding that I don't know about, but as long as they get along, that means the absolute world to me. They were never not getting along, but Edward isn't as nervous and skittish as he used to be around him.

But everything is mutual with Edward. He was also there for me, too, I confined in him also. I told him about my mother, and my stupid fear of lightning and thunder, and he was completely there for me through my surgery to get my appendix taken out, also emotionally whenever I just need him. I also opened up completely and told him about James. The thought of his name made me cringe, and seeing him twice last summer was absolutely shocking and irritating at the same time. I also never wanted Edward to meet someone as vile as him. I couldn't believe that he was in California of all places, I still can't grasp it. From what I knew, he was born and raised in London and never went elsewhere unless urgent. I didn't exactly care about it after awhile; he turned out to be toxic anyways. After that, I promised myself that I would never date a man that was all about the physical side of a relationship. I'd known James was into that, but I never thought he would have tried to go so far just to have sex with me.

And then I had to be completely stupid by hooking up with one of his friends, and I can barely remember that night. I remember getting off my ass drunk, and I remember us kissing, but nothing else ever came to mind after that. We both agreed to just forget it, and for that, I was definitely relieved. But now I was eventually faced with another issue that was the opposite, and it was absolutely mind boggling.

Edward wants to wait.

There was no doubt from the beginning of our relationship that Edward respected me, and he would never do anything that would make me feel uncomfortable. I completely got the fact that he was a little hesitant, knowing what had gone on with me in the past when it came to sex. And now it was almost driving me crazy, I think I wanted it more than him. And he's a guy.

The beginning of our relationship was bliss, complete bliss, the nights at the beach house; cuddling in bed. Fooling around on the beach, and going to the Amusement Park at the Pier, riding the Ferris wheel and eating hamburgers. And romantic nights, kissing and experiencing that new relationship high.

But of course once Edward started his residency, our time was very limited, and the time we did have together, Jasper was usually around and we don't ever do much, sexually, when Jasper is there. But, of course, he lives there so there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. I have no issue with Jasper, of course, but it would be nice to have an entire day and night with Edward alone, which is why I brought up the idea of Edward and I getting an apartment. I would get one, even without him, but he knew very clearly he was welcome to stay with me

The honest truth was, I missed him a lot. He was always at the hospital or at the library working, and I felt like I couldn't get enough time with him. I was still not working, but Little Brown was opening up a building downtown and I had a position right away, but the building was still in process, so I was basically stuck living with my dad for awhile. I loved my dad, don't get me wrong, but it would be nice to have an apartment, even if Edward wasn't ready to stay there with me yet. Even though that blew up into something big, I understood what Edward was getting at, and unless he brought it up, I wasn't going to broach the subject again.

And then there was the issue we are going through now, which is Edward's mother. After seeing her in that coffee shop that one day, she's been effecting Edward's stress level, to the point where Carlisle had to give him medicine for him to take for the day after he had that awful episode. I was glad that Edward was taking it, and letting the medicine help a bit. I didn't like when he went into panic mode and completely zoned out on everything, it worried me and he didn't deserve to feel that way. We haven't talk about her much, especially after that fight when I suggested he try to talk to her, which I realized soon after that it hits a nerve within him. I stopped talking about her unless he brings it up from now on.

But other than that, and settling everything over the apartment fight, things are better now, and I couldn't imagine at this point not being with him. Somewhere in me, I feel the love for him bursting out, wanting to tell him how I feel about him. I do love him, and I refrained from telling him because I didn't want him to think I was lying just so that I could get into his pants. It all depends on the right moment for me, and I would only hope he would return the feelings. I could definitely see myself being completely in love with him and spending the rest of my life with him. I could see us getting married, working our jobs, and maybe kids within that.

Maybe I was crazy, or maybe I was only thinking logically into the future. I didn't know where I was going to end up, but I would try my hardest to make it with Edward, and help him get through this hard rut he's been in for his life. I can see that he's come out of his shell that he was in during the summer, Alice tells me all the time how much different he's been since I've come into his life, and while I'm happy I've done that, I didn't even mean to do it on purpose. I've been myself with him, and that makes me happy that I can do that by just being with him. I'm ecstatic that Edward has been happier, but this setback with his mother has also affected him greatly.

" Hey, babe, where the fuck is the candy?" Edward asked, walking out of the kitchen.

I smiled, holding the bowl in my hand. He rolled his eyes at me and I opened up the front door, stepping through. He followed me, shutting the front door before sitting next to me on my side and wrapping his arm tightly around me. I felt so incredibly safe with him, and warm. Edward can definitely be a hard person to crack, but I've never met anybody as caring as he is towards me.

" So, are you staying with me tonight?"

" Yes, I'll just have to run back to the apartment quick to grab clothes."

I smiled, glad that he decided to stay over tonight. I knew he was a little skeptical, considering my dad would get home at around six or seven in the morning, and Edward would still be here, but I think he was getting more comfortable about my dad. And my father was really okay with me dating Edward, not that I felt like I need approval; I'm an adult. Though I like that they get along, and I told my dad that he might be staying over tonight, and if he checks in my room Edward will probably be here. I know that my dad checks in on me to make sure I am alright, he does this often at night.

Edward held me close to him, and I rested my head on his shoulder.

" How are you feeling?" he asked me.

I still couldn't believe how drunk I had gotten myself last night, it was very unlike me, but I had a great time, and Edward didn't complain. I did feel bad that he was, again, the victim that had to watch me throw up the contents of my stomach for over two hours, but he didn't complain.

" Alright, my headache is going away. How about you?"

He stared down at me, " I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"

" Just making sure."

Edward kissed the top of my head, and the first little victim walked up, a little four year old boy in a puppy dog costume, and that was just the beginning.

~\\~

" Could that costume be any shorter? Fuck, I just saw a sixteen year old girl's ass hanging out of her dress. Our damn kids won't be looking like that, ever."

For a moment we were silent, and I smiled internally at the thought of having kids with Edward, and even the fact that he had just brought it up. I stared up at him, a twinkle in my eye and he looked down at me.

" Our kids?" I asked him.

Just for a short second he was silent, and I felt his hand tighten on my waist.

" Yeah, our kids. Or have you sworn them off?"

" Mm, no. Most definitely not."

I leaned up and softly pressed my lips to his. His hand held the side of my face, and I sighed against his lips before I felt his tongue sweep into my mouth.

There would be no correct way to express what it feels like to be with Edward like this. Merely kissing him can send sparks throughout my whole entire body. It's amazing, and I couldn't ever replace this with anything else.

Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. Just as we started to get really into it, I heard a clearing of the throat, and a whole mess of teenagers, flirting teenagers, in their short outfits walked up the steps to collect candy. They flashed Edward their cleavage, which was barely there for the fifteen through seventeen year olds. It made me roll my eyes as I handed out the candies.

There was absolutely no doubt that girls hit on Edward in my presence, even older women. He's absolutely fucking gorgeous, even if he doesn't think so. In the looks department, he is definitely not lacking one bit, and his scars don't change that in any way despite his thoughts. He's a beautiful man, and I wish he would see himself like how I see him, but I knew in time Edward would realize it, and no longer think I am just lying.

I've been lucky not to have to get too defensive, most girls are always harmless, but I could definitely step out if anything went further than it should. I knew that Edward liked my protectiveness, a lot, and he found it funny to tease me about it sometimes. I just couldn't help it.

" I think I saw toilet paper coming out of that kids bra." Edward noted.

I laughed quietly, " Mm, yep. They are at that age. Not a fan of jailbait?"

" No, and definitely not fucking FAKE jailbait."

I smiled, " That's always great to hear. Hey, I've got some lasagna in the oven; I'm just going to check on it, okay?" I told him, standing up.

" You made dinner?"

" Of course, Edward. I figured we could just eat a warm meal here instead of having to go out."

" You are fucking awesome."

I mused his hair, making him slap my hands away, and I headed into the house. When I got to the kitchen I opened up the oven and peeked in quickly, seeing that it was cooking well. It only had an hour left to go and it would be finished. I had just put it in when Edward got here, so it didn't need all too long. The noodles had already been cooked, everything just had to marry together, and it would be ready to eat.

I went into the fridge and grabbed two bottles of water, I grabbed one of my to-go powders, raspberry flavored, and poured it in mine, giving it a few shakes as I headed back outside. When I got outside I handed Edward his drink and I re-opened mine and took a sip.

" Oh, you get the special drink..." He said, trailing off.

" Do you want one? I'm sorry, I di-"

" I'm just teasing you, come here."

I sat next to him and playfully slapped his arm, glaring at him. He grabbed my hand and placed a kiss in the middle of my palm.

" You know...We're going to be alone for the _entire _night." I whispered suggestively.

Edward smirked at me, " Oh, you want to have sex in your childhood bed? That's fucking hot." he replied sarcastically.

" Technically that's not my childhood bed. I had a twin-sized bed. My dad got me a full when I was in high school."

" How about you let me take you away for a weekend."

" Why?"

" To make it special."

Honestly, I didn't need anything special, because with Edward, no matter when it happened; it would be special because I would be with him, as corny as it sounds. It didn't matter to me, having the candles and the roses and the perfect dinner beforehand. I didn't ever want to come out sounding like I was desperate with him, but I didn't want him to think that I needed all of that in order for us to be intimate like that.

" Edward...If it makes you feel better to do it that way then; okay. But you promised me that if in a moment it just felt right that you wouldn't..."

" I won't reject you, sunshine. I feel fucking awful for playing a game like that."

" Don't feel bad, okay? We talked it over, and it's alright now. I don't want us to dwell on it anymore, let's just be us."

The night seemed to go fairly quick, there were many kids, and my dad passed the house a few times as he weaved through the subdivision. At around six most of the kids were done, and until around seven thirty there were all of the teenagers and what not. When it started to slow down a bit, Edward and I just headed in and put a sign on the door. There was a little bit of candy left, so I figured we could leave it here. My dad loves his chocolate.

I put flat pot holders on the island counter, and grabbed mitts for my hands to take out the glass baking pan. I picked it up and set it on the counter, and then closed the open and took my mitts off. Edward's arms wrapped around my waist, and I leaned back into him.

" This smells fucking delicious."

" Good, I kind of assumed you would like it."

" I bet anything you make is good. Do you bake, too?"

" Yes."

" Well, then you really are the girl for me."

" I hope so. I have a chocolate peanut butter cake in the fridge."

" Fuuuck."

I laughed and grabbed a knife and a spatula from the drawer. Edward grabbed plates and silverware, and I put a large square of the perfectly layered lasagna on Edward's plate. I put a smaller piece on mine and we sat down together at the table.

" I don't think we've just sat and had dinner alone for aw-"

_Meow._

" Okay, maybe not completely fucking alone." Edward grumbled as Jo-Jo hopped on the table and right in my face.

" Get down you damn cat." I said, shooing him off.

He cried and got off the table, and I laughed quietly towards my plate. Edward reached over and grasped my free hand over the table, twining his fingers through mine. We grazed at our food for about twenty minutes before cleaning up. I put a good amount in a plastic glad container, and Edward and I were going to stop by the station to drop it off for my dad. I grabbed a plastic fork from the cabinet and made sure the container was sealed.

When we finished us everything, Edward and I headed to the station first. We walked in together and I greeted all of the familiar guys as I headed over to my father's office space. I knocked twice before walking in, and I saw him going over some paper work, but he immediately put it aside once I stuck my head in. Edward hovered by the door and I just stepped in, letting Edward know it was okay for him to walk in.

" Hey, baby girl. How's your night?" he asked, kissing my cheek.

" Good, nothing crazy. What about you? No Halloween craziness?"

" You kidding? We've gotten too many prank callers. Waylon is out taking care of one right now. I swear the plot for Michael Meyers drives me crazy whoever created it...Kids get crazier every year. We had kids calling and screaming that ' Michael Meyers' was 'chasing' after them, and other stories. If only they knew we tracked calls and had officers going out there to confront parents about it."

I laughed, " That's pretty insane, dad. Well, I figured we could bring you some dinner, don't want you to go hungry."

" Thank you, sweetheart. Can I talk to you alone for a moment?"

Edward took the hint and disappeared from the doorway, and I sat down, looking over at my father curiously, wanting to know what was so important that he needed to talk to me now about. He leaned forward, an almost embarrassed look on his face.

" I know he is staying over tonight...And I don't want any funny business going on in my home."

" Dad..."

" Isabella, I am serious. Look, I don't care about what you've already done with him, that's not anything I am interested in, or is my business, but I don't want that in my house. I know that you will respect my wishes."

" Okay, alright. I get it. Thanks, dad."

" Oh, I'm just as embarrassed as you are!" he said.

I stood up and hopped towards the door, " Doubt it!"

He laughed, and it rang out down the hall. I found Edward out in the front, waiting for me with an outstretched hand. I grasped his hand and we walked out. Jim wished me a safe night, and I said the same. When we got in the car, I glanced over at Edward, smirking.

" No sex in my bed."

" Is that was that was about?"

" Mm, yeah. But I understand, I don't want it like that."

Edward smiled at me, grasping my hand tightly. I leaned back in my seat, listening to the quiet purr of the car. It was a calm silence, and we enjoyed it. When we got to the apartment I went up with Edward, and talked with Jasper for a short while in the living room. He was eating candy out of the bowl, saying only three kids came ' apartment trick-or-treating', and he was eating the rest, watching Hocus Pocus at the same time.

He had Alice going on speaker phone also, and it was good talking to her. We don't really talk as often with her in school, but I got a hold of her yesterday for a few minutes. I couldn't wait until she was on Christmas Break and I could see her and we could spend time together, I missed having her around. Edward is great to talk to, but Alice was my friend since I was a sophomore in High School, so we go back a good few years.

" So, Bella, going to have a little sex in the chief's house?"

" No, already got told with that one, Ali. But I hardly doubt he would know if we did as long as we didn't make it obvious."

" Live dangerous, Bella, live dangerous."

I chuckled and Edward appeared in the doorway with a small bag. He yelled out a greeting to Alice as he bumped around in the kitchen. When he appeared, his eyes went to me and he smiled. Jasper groaned.

" Alice, these two are fucking just...disgustingly in love with each other. You have to see it."

" OH! I'm already missing out as it is, don't make it worse, Jazzy."

" Disgustingly in love, huh?" Edward said to me, wrapping his arm around me.

" Yeah, you both just don't admit it yet." Jasper stated.

" Okay, well, we are heading out. Don't eat too much damn candy, don't want to loose that fucking figure." Edward said to Jasper.

" Oh, shut up. Get out of here."

" Sure thing, Jazzy." I tossed at him.

He flicked us off, and we walked out laughing. Edward started down the stairs, and I followed after him, at some point, we made an attempt to race, and Edward was winning, so I decided to hang onto the railing, and skip a few in a haste to beat him. Only, with my track record when it comes to balance really isn't well, that it how I ended up being the biggest, stupidest idiot on the face of the Earth.

I ended up falling on my ass on the stairs, the hard damn stairs. Edward looked over at me, dropping his bag quickly before coming over to me to help me up.

" You are the cutest, most fucking clumsiest girl I've ever met." Edward stated as he helped me up, brushing off my ass just to be funny. I brushed off the front of my pants and sighed.

" Hey, you made it a damn race, and I had to win."

" Poor thing."

I growled at him and started heading down the stairs in front of him, keeping a slow pace. When we got to the car I held his bag in my lap. It wasn't heavy so I didn't care that much, so I just offered. He teased me about falling almost the entire way back home, making me permanently red. We stopped at star bucks and got drinks to go, and then got to my house.

As Edward put his things upstairs, I cut a few pieces of my chocolate peanut butter cake. The cake itself was chocolate layers of moist cake, and then I had a peanut butter buttercream, with Reese's peanut butter cup chunks in it. There was some of it in the middle between the layers, and then it was covering the entire outside with shredded chocolate bar grinded on top.

Once I cut two pieces, I put them on plates, grabbed forks and headed upstairs. Edward had my television turned on, and he was sitting on my mattress, petting the cat. I plopped down on the bed, handing Edward a piece of the cake.

" This looks fucking illegal."

" Just eat!"

Edward took a huge forkful and shoved it in his mouth, making me laugh, and he let out the deepest, sexiest moan that I've ever heard being emitted from him. I looked over at him, and he chewed slowly and swallowed.

" Damn it. That cake is fucking delicious. You made this?"

" It's a recipe from my grandmothers cookbook, though I tweaked the chocolate cake and added chocolate chips, and extra Reese's in the buttercream."

" Well, it's fucking delicious."

" Glad you like it,"

Well, soon we ate the cake, and then somehow I ended up with the frosting on my face, which Edward insisted he 'take care of', and then turned into a semi-frosting fight which ended up with me being pinned down to the bed by Edward's body against mine.

Sorry, dad.

Edward's lips were frantic on mine, and his hands were all over my body. His lips were so soft, and he tasted like chocolate, making him even more irresistible. I ran my hand over his covered back, down to his hips until I slipped my hands into his back pockets. He was definitely enjoying himself, if a person can catch my drift.

At one point his lips were off of mine, and my thin racerbacks were pulled up, and he softly kissed my stomach, urging me to take them off, and once they were, Edward was all over on top of me, his lips and teeth at my neck. I threw my head back, giving into the feeling of Edward sucking on my neck. I didn't care if it was a high school move, it felt amazing. He bit gently on my neck, and I pulled away, grabbing the hem of his shirt and taking it off for him.

And then when fingers went fumbling for my jeans, I was almost at the point of no return. Edward quickly had off my skinny jeans, and his body pressed up the length of mine, our hands entwined together above our heads, as our mouths battled for dominance.

When I felt his hand on the waistband of my underwear a short moment later, I pulled away. I was the one who had to, because I didn't want to go against my father. I might be older now, but honestly, I didn't want to disrespect him. God knows how much I want to just rip off his clothing and make it unforgettable, but I couldn't. I grabbed Edward's hands, stopping them and linking them again together

Edward looked surprised, and he sat back. I groaned loudly.

" Edward, my dad...I told him that nothing...I don't want to just disrespect him. Fuck." I groaned, laying back.

" Fuck, Christ...I'm just going to make use of a cold shower." he said, standing up and grabbing his bag, and directly walking out of the room.

I wanted to scream, honestly. Edward and I could have already been having an amazing time right now, and I felt bad that he had to run off to a cold shower to...calm himself down. I got out of bed with a frustrated sigh and went to my drawer. I took my bra off and grabbed one of my Victoria's Secret sleep shirts, they were more like a loose nightgown with short sleeves, hitting mid thigh. It was dark blue and slightly off the shoulder on one side. I put on a pair of black shorts, just in case, and sat at the end of my bed.

Edward came back soon, and when he saw me he groaned.

" You make this so much harder."

I smiled, stepping out of the room to use the bathroom to brush my teeth, and wash my face thoroughly. I stared at myself in the mirror for a moment, seeing how my eyes were just a bit brighter, and my lips were redder from all of the furious kissing, which was very enjoyable. I enjoy seeing the animalistic side to Edward every once in awhile.

Once I was finished, I went back to my room, leaving the door open just a bit. Edward was already burrowed underneath my covers, and his face was buried in my pillow. I smiled at the sight and flipped my light off. I crawled in beside Edward and he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, letting me bury myself into his chest.

" You aren't wearing a shirt."

" Complaining? I ca-"

" Shh, no. Is if okay if I?..." I asked, touching his back.

He nodded, giving me approval. I rested my hands on his back, a little lower than the middle. I grazed my fingers against the marred skin, and I felt Edward take a deep breath against my neck. I felt about a three inch long dip in his back, and I gently touched the scar, moving my hand over it a few times.

When I moved my hand closer so his left side, I felt four raised marks, they were small, and close together.

" He stabbed me with a fucking fork." Edward murmured against my neck.

I closed my eyes, " Edward..."

" I'm still alive."

" Thank god." I whispered.

" I was worth it, I got you in the end."

" I would take every single one of those scars and beatings for you if I could have."

Suddenly Edward jerked me back, " Don't you ever say that."

" I would, and I won't take it back. You didn't deserve it."

" Neither would you. You are way too precious."

" I don't like seeing you in pain."

" They don't hu-"

" I mean the pain of everything you've gone through. I wish it never happened to you."

He sighed, " I can't regret all of it, especially my dad dying."

" Why?"

" Because...Even if it was fucked up and twisted what he did, it led me to you. I probably would have never met you. I'd probably be stuck in a fucking Law School downtown, miserable as fuck. I wouldn't be here with you, by your side. I wouldn't be half as happy as I am now."

" I make you happy?"

" You know you do."

" It's nice to hear."

He tickled my side and I yelped and grabbed his hands. Instead, he moved himself on top of me and grabbed my waist and ribs, making me struggle against him. We fooled around in my bed, and I got him on his back once, but eventually that was given up and we ended up making out instead. Edward's hand cradled the back of my head softly, his lips pressed softly into mine with our tongues moving languidly together.

" So, if I would have let you finish what happened earlier. Do you think we probably would have...?"

" Fuck yeah."

I laughed at his tone and kissed him softly. I felt his fingers run through my hair, and he pulled away and rested his forehead against mine, his eyes slowly closing.

" You mean the absolute world to me."

I smiled and leaned up to kiss his nose. " You mean the world to me, too."

His arms wrapped around my waist, and I felt his lips at my ear, and he kissed the shell of my ear before whispering words that sent my heart fluttering like crazy.

" I'm falling in love with you."

My breathing hitched, and I sat up, moving his arms. He was going to get up, but I stopped him.

" Really?" I asked, my voice cracking.

I couldn't believe he'd just told me that, but when I looked in his eyes; I knew he was telling the truth. He really was falling in love with me. I looked down at him and he swiped the pad of his thumb under my eyes. I hadn't realized at all that I'd been crying.

" Don't cry, please."

I tucked my hair behind my ears and rested my head on his chest.

" I'm falling in love with you, too, Edward."

_Or I've already fallen. _

We could take our time with it, and I was fine with that. I didn't want to blurt out that I loved him right now, not wanting to freak him out just after he told me he is falling in love with me. He pulled me up towards him and touched his lips to mine for a moment.

Edward and I talked quietly for a short while, and when it fell silent we watched TV for a bit, and soon Edward was passed out next to me. I turned off the television and brought myself closer to him, when he felt my skin touch his, suddenly his body moved and he wrapped me up in his arms. I kissed his collarbone and closed my eyes completely and succumbed into the feeling of being in Edward's arms; safe and cared for.

~\\~

When I woke up, I was slightly dazed and still somewhat tired, and I realized that was because it was four twenty, and for some reason I had to go to the bathroom. I was laid over Edward's chest, and he wasn't completely wrapped around me, so I easily got up and hopped to the bathroom. I went to the bathroom quickly and washed my hands before going back. I yawned and went back in, keeping the door open enough so that Jo-Jo could slink through if he wanted to.

I looked over at Edward, and I actually saw that little kitten curled up against Edward's side, with the small furry arm stretched over towards Edward's ribs. When I sat back in the bed, it slightly dipped. Enough of a rustle to awaken Edward, and his eyes opened.

" You okay?"

" Just had to use the washroom. Looks like Jo-Jo took my spot nicely." I said.

Edward looked down at the cat and picked up the fluff ball, setting him down safely on the floor before taking me in his arms once more

" You're so warm." I whispered, running my hands over the warm skin on his chest and arms.

" Mm, go back to sleep, babe."

I smiled contently and buried my face in his chest.

~\\~

The final time I awoke, it was at eight forty, and Edward's shifting body awoke me. Somehow in the time we fell back asleep I was on my back and he was lying beside me on his stomach, with his arm wrapped around my waist and his face against my side. What I was surprised by, was the fact that he was in this position.

Usually; it's like Edward's body knows when his back is exposed, and it never has been. I've never tried to sneak a look because Edward didn't feel comfortable yet with me seeing it. But right now, it was on display, and when I sat up slightly and just glanced at it, I was in fucking shock. It looked a whole lot worse than I ever imagined. There were long scars, some indented, some raised, there were like three fork marks, burn marks scattered all around, and two perfectly aligned scars side to side, but connected where the scar ended, looking like it was from a box cutter or something similar.

On his lower back, there were a lot of weird looking scars, where it looked like his skin had warped or something, it was unexplainable in the weirdest of ways. There were three, side long scar marks across his back, a few where it looked like he was actually just stabbed. Some looked jagged, like it was from a broken glass bottle or an uneven sharp object of the sort

And now I understood why Edward never wanted me to see it; because he probably knew that I would see him different. And in a way, I'd admit that I did. I understood now how fragile he really is.

**Authors Note- READ Everything BELOW please! It's about the NEXT UPDATE!**

**So…Reviews are lagging: big time. My E-mail box is starved at the moment. **

**Just want to let you guys know that if something in the story is bothering you, or you want me to touch base with a certain part, let me know, maybe I can fit in any holes or blanks you want filled. Since this is a Bella Point of View, I definitely want to know what you guys think; it would mean the world to me. I love you guys so much.**

**No question this time around, next chapter.**

**VERY IMPORTANT*******VERY IMPORTANT*********

**Okay, so here is the deal everybody. This Saturday, tomorrow I am leaving for a vacation, and I will be on the vacation the entire next week, and will be back either the 20th or the 21st. Therefore, the chapter updating will be delayed. I am going to try and get a chapter ready for when I come back so I can update, but I make no promises. Thank you for understanding!**

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	29. They Call it Love

**Authors Note- READ END NOTES.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

After a long, but great Halloween, Bella and I had completely passed out; exhausted and spent. The day was low on activity, but the moment we were quiet and calm in her bed, I just fucking crashed completely, dead to the world. I awoke once, when Bella got up to use the washroom, but the moment she was back in my arms, I had fallen back asleep almost immediately.

Last night, I'd taken a fucking risk and slept without a shirt in her bed. I never end up on my stomach, so I didn't have a risk of her seeing any of the scars that were on my back. Without even knowing, my body never let me lay exposed in that way. She'd passed out on my chest the second time anyways, and I didn't think Bella would be moving around the bed to look.

When I awoke, it was to the feeling of Bella placing chaste kisses all over my neck. Her legs were on either side of me, straddling my waist. I groaned and rested my hands on her hips, and moved them around to wrap around her lower waist, braiding my fingers together. She gave my jaw a firm kiss before pulling away, her tired brown eyes meeting mine, hazy but still lively.

" Good morning."

" Yeah, very good morning." I replied

She laid down over me and laughed quietly. I rubbed her back and sighed, shifting around a moment before laying her over on her back, grazing her ribs with my fingers. Bella let out a quiet squeak, and I got her almost to the point of hysterics by tickling her. I loved her laugh, it was carefree and just a beautiful sound.

" Edward!" she screamed when I basically fucked myself over by struggling around with her and fooling around, and ended up falling off the bed; hitting the hardwood floor, back first. Bella fell on top of me, still wrapped in the sheet, and then we were both laughing. I silenced her with my lips, and she moaned quietly in my mouth, running her hands over my chest.

" What on Earth is going on in here?" I heard a loud, gruff voice ask.

We both jumped away from each other, shocked and surprised. Bella looked up at her father, and I kept my eyes on her, not wanting to make it awkward more than it already is.

" Uh...Good morning?"

Bella sighed, and I heard Charlie shift.

" What the hell are you doing on the floor?"

" We were just messing around, dad. Sorry." Bella grumbled.

" Not in my house."

" You're driving me out of here a little more everyday you know."

" Isabella Marie."

" Dad, give it a break."

Keeping Bella still, I sat up and pressed my back against the bed before sitting on the mattress, the blanket over my lap. Bella stood up and stretched before sitting close to me. Her father glared at her harshly when her arm wrapped around my waist.

" And put on a pair of goddamn pants." he said before shutting the door.

For a moment we were both quiet, and Bella stood up and groaned loudly.

" I'm really sorry about that. He just...He can't get over the whole ' not a little girl ' thing. I'm sorry you had to see that."

" It's fine."

" No, it's not fine."

" Yeah, it's alright. Don't let it get to you. I understand why he's upset."

She let out another frustrated groan and walked over to me, sitting on my lap with her arms around my neck. I rested my hands on her waist and smiled at her.

" Living dangerous?"

" Very."

Bella kissed me slowly, and I was about to pull away, but when her soft tongue entered my mouth and she pulled her body to mine, I was lost. Her lips moved smoothly against mine, and my arms wrapped around her body, delicately holding her slim, curvy body to me.

" You're bad."

" It's your fault." she replied, kissing me once more.

" Why is that?"

" You're just so cute, and I love your lips."

" Cute?"

" Fine. Hot, sexy, gorgeous."

" Now I know where to go when I need an ego boost."

" Always." she whispered, hugging me tightly. I kissed her shoulder and she stepped over towards her drawer, grabbing a few clothing items before leaving me in her bedroom, saying that she needed a shower. Since I showered last night, I didn't need to take one this morning.

I locked Bella's door once the shower turned on, and I changed my clothes quickly and put on my boots. I sprayed my usual cologne on my neck and buckled my belt, then adjusted my white v-neck shirt. Once I was finished I unlocked her door, and folded up my previous clothes.

I wasn't going to be a fucking pansy and just sit up here and wait for her, so despite my damn nerves; I headed downstairs. I didn't know how he didn't go to sleep after getting back from a night shift, but it fucking beats me. When I got downstairs, I hesitantly headed towards the kitchen.

He sat in a chair, sipping coffee and looking at the paper. Not intimidating, right?

Wrong.

When he saw me he looked up; his gaze was anything but warm. I stood still, hovering in the doorway for a moment.

" How about you sit down here, Edward."

Before I did, I got a glass of water. When I sat down across from him, he set down the newspaper down and looked at me, as if he were analyzing me like one of his night pick-ups. I was far from a criminal, and had a spotless record.

" What are your intentions with my daughter, Edward?"

" If this is about what happened upstairs, I apologize. But Bella and I wouldn't ever disrespect your wishes and take it too far."

" What do you want from her? Because if it's that one damn thing, I don't ever want to see you here, or around my daughter, again."

" I want a future with your daughter, Charlie. And I am looking for someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, and she is fitting into that category. I...care about Bella very deeply; she means the absolute world to me. More than any other girl has. I don't want her for sexual reasons; even if she is the most beautiful girl I've ever met. I wouldn't ever fuck with her heart like that."

I almost said that without swearing.

He watched me, like I was about to crack a smile, or signal that I was lying; but I was fucking honest. I didn't want him to think that I was just fucking with her just to get in her pants. I valued Bella, I respected her, and I wouldn't ever do that to her. I may have gone through fucked up things in life, but I wouldn't ever do fucked up things like that.

" Edward...I want to trust you with my daughter. You have to realize...After I lost my wife, Bella was all I had left, and is still all I have left. If anything were to happen to her, I don't know what I would do."

" I understand that she means a lot to you, but she also means a lot to me."

" I don't want to see that funny business again."

" Of co-"

" Dad!"

" Bella, calm down, it's fine."

I hadn't even heard her enter the room, let alone the shower turn off. But I'd been a half hour, including the time it took me to change, and Bella didn't take long. Her hair was straight and she had on a pair of dark wash boot cut jeans, converse and a Cambridge University sweatshirt that looked tight in all of the right places. She had on a little bit of eyeliner, eye shadow but the rest of her face clean.

" Edward...You don't have to be making all these promises. Dad, we can't promise you won't ever see us kiss. I-..You can't expect us not to be sometimes affectionate, especially when you walk into my room and we are alone. You have to trust me, and trust Edward, too. We'd never disrespect or go against your wishes. I love you, dad. But I'm not little forever."

" I know that."

I felt Bella's hands rest on my shoulders, and I reached back and grasped one of her hands.

" Then just...Knock on my door before you walk in."

He nodded once and Bella smiled and walked over to the cabinet.

" You know you can get whatever you want, and you love it." Charlie said, still keeping his eyes on the newspaper.

" That's not true!" she argued, pouring a cup of coffee." Edward, do you want some?"

" No, I'm fine." I said contently, tapping the side of my water class

When she sat down next to me, I wanted to wrap my arm around her waist, but I held back that urge. Eventually, Charlie stood up, stretching his arms out around him.

" Well, I am heading upstairs to get some sleep." he stated before heading up the stairs.

Once the bedroom door shut, Bella sighed and leaned back in her chair, and then suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled on it. I stood up and let her lead me to the living room. She sat down on the couch, remote in hand, and patted the spot next to her. I sat down and she leaned into me, surfing the channels.

" When do you have to leave for work?"

" Two forty. My shift starts at three."

" So we have four hours together?"

" Mhm." I hummed against the top of her head.

Without a word, she flipped the television off and rested her head against my shoulder, I wrapped my arm around her and turned slightly towards her, letting her move her head to my chest comfortably.

" You make me feel safe." she murmured.

" Good. I want you to feel safe."

I pulled her into my lap, wrapping my arm around her and holding her head close to me. She let out a content sigh when she situated, and I enjoyed the feeling of her in my arms. Her hand rested lightly on my stomach, her fingers moving every once in awhile.

" Comfortable?"

" Yeah. I just don't want to fall asleep."

" Sleep, sunshine. You need it."

" Not really."

I laughed at her, running my fingers lightly through her hair.

" Did you sleep good last night?" I asked her.

" I slept great."

" Hm, you sure?"

" I always sleep good when you're with me."

" So, if we were sleeping in a twin sized, fucking lumpy, shit mattress at a motel, you'd sleep well, even if I was next to you?"

" Well, in a twin sized mattress, we'd compromise and you'd sleep on the mattress, and you'd let me sleep on top of you."

" People next door are going at it like fucking rabbits, loud as can be."

She glared at me, " Fine. You win. I can't always sleep well when you are around if you think about conditions like that."

" Just thinking about future situations, babe."

" So you think that sometime, we will be in some trashy motel, stuck with only a twin sized bed, and next door some people are going to be sexin' it up like rabbits."

" Basically."

" You keep calling me babe, green eyes."

" Do you not like it?"

" I think it's cute."

I pressed my lips to her forehead, keeping them there for a long moment before pulling away. Her fingers moved over my stomach, up my chest and back down towards my navel. My eyes closed, and I just fucking enjoyed her, not caring much about anything but her. Eventually we moved, and Bella had gotten me spread out on the couch on my back, her little body curled on top of mine with a quilt draped over her body and mine.

I gave in to the sudden tiredness, my hand moving in slower motions on Bella's back. Her breathing was even, and her hand rested gently over my heart, a wistful look on her beautiful face. Eventually I drifted off, but soon found myself awake when Bella started shuffling around, and I heard her whisper my name quietly.

" It's almost two." Bella said with a loud yawn, laying back down.

" Who fucking gives a shit? I'm just going to lay here with you, take damn naps all fucking day."

" I like the sound of that."

" Me, too."

" Then stay here." she said in her little whiny voice.

" I want to, sunshine. We'll see each other soon, I promise."

I kissed the top of her head and I felt her fingers move across my ribs, purposely trying to get a reaction, and when she pinched my side I turned her over on the couch, smiling at her tiny giggles. I tickled her ribs, ignoring her hands batting at me. Eventually I relented and moved behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. Her breathing was ragged, and she glared back at me.

" You're so mean."

" Revenge, sunshine."

" You liked it, you just won't admit it. And you just want a damn good excuse to touch me."

" I need an excuse?" I whispered quietly in her ear, kissing the skin just behind it.

She shook her head, and I continued placing small kisses along her neck. I felt her hand move back to touch my hip, and her hand moved along the length of my side and hip.

" Mm, that feels nice." I said in a low voice, trying to spur her movements on.

Her hand rested on my thigh for just a moment before she turned herself around. Slowly, her arms slid around my waist, and her lips were less that an mere inch from mine. I could feel her cool breath brushing my lips, tempting me to take mine with hers. I saw lust in her eyes, want, as the mood suddenly changed and everything became just about each other.

My eyes watched her lips, and before I made the next move, Bella's lips gently touched mine. Kissing her felt like the first kiss all over again, it was that fucking good. Her hand slid into my hair, and I pulled her closer to me, not wanting to break our connection. I ran my tongue over her smooth bottom lip. I took advantage of her parted lips and kissed her thoroughly, moving my mouth languidly with hers. I felt her body completely shift over mine before she straddled my waist and fucking attacked my mouth with hers.

There was no doubt that on the outside, Bella was a little shy, and not as outgoing unless she is with friends or family. But she always remains with a part of her still that way, and seeing her that way when we first met, and being with her now; it's fucking incredible. She isn't all shy when it comes to our relationship, and I really love that about her.

I felt her body rock into mine, and I stilled her with my hands on her hips, knowing if she continued that, I would end up finishing what we started here. She let out a tiny groan of frustration, fisting her tiny hands in my shirt.

" Edward."

" Not in your father's house, Bella. Fuck."

She then proceeded to just get off of me, and walk herself to the kitchen, leaving me all hot and fucking bothered on the couch, lying on my back.

This was so infuriating. I was considering giving up and just ending this. She didn't want anything special, right?

Fuck.

I knew that I was so clouded by lust that I was feeling desperate. My breathing evened out, and at that point, I didn't even bother moving. Only a moment later Bella returned two glasses of water in her hands. She looked at me, and I sat up, groaning. My pants were a little...tight.

She didn't say anything, just handed me the glass of water.

" Bella.."

" Don't say anything, please." she stated.

Damn it.

" You can't sit here and tell me that you wanted us to do it on your couch, with your dad upstairs sleeping."

" Edward, please."

I rolled my eyes, annoyed and her attitude towards the situation. I stood up and headed for the stairs, when I got to her room I grabbed my keys, and other things, and headed back down the stairs. Bella was still on the couch, same sour look on her face as before.

" I'm just going to head out, alright?

" Mhm."

It slipped out before I knew it, " What the fuck, Bella? Really?"

" What?" she said, whipping her head to face mine.

" What did I do this time?" I asked her.

" Nothing. I'm frustrated."

" So you give me the cold shoulder because you are frustrated?"

" Edward, I don't want to fight with you."

" I'm heading out anyways. I can just call you later."

She didn't say anything else, so I just opened the fucking front door and walked out, closing the door quietly behind me. I wasn't going to be a child who wasn't able to get a cookie before dinner, and just slam the door. I fumbled with my keys a moment, adjusted my jacket and slowly made my way down the stairs. As my feet hit the gravel of the driveway, I heard the front door open.

When I looked back, I saw Bella heading down the steps, and she was in my arms before I could say anything, or even blink for that matter. She rested her head on my chest and wrapped her arms around me as tightly as her body could.

" I'm sorry. Really, I am."

I kissed the top of her head, " It's alright. Hey, I have my fair share of lashing out or getting in a fucking bad mood. You are allowed that, too."

I felt her lips press against my fabric and flesh covered heart, and I ran my fingers through her hair.

This was okay.

~\\~

Holy fuck!

I tried to keep myself collected as I held the cloth firmly on the patient's neck while some random fucking doctor bustled around the room. The girl was freaking the hell out, and I talked quietly. The artery in her neck had burst, which wasn't all that surprising. She'd come in earlier today, and the side of her neck got burned up after being stuck in a house fire. Her skin had basically fallen off, and there was a large gauze pad covering her neck, not wanting to leave it open and prone to infection.

There I was, strolling down the hallway after lunch; ready to get back into the swing of things, when I heard a doctor yelling for help. I couldn't ignore it, and I was in the room in an instant, even if I was only just learning the ropes of this place. When I walked in, that's when I saw the blood running down his pristine white lab coat. He was Dr. Fredrick's from what I saw on his nametag. I was ordered to hold the gauze down to stop the artery from bleeding this poor girl out.

" Everything is alright, don't panic." I told her, not wanting her to be freaking out and make it worse. The frantic breaths were making the artery spill more blood.

" Take that gauze off and use this one." he stated, handing me another.

I glared at him.

Was he fucking serious?

To start off, one never takes off the gauze that is already there, you add onto it. In this case for one; because she would start to bleed, and two; infection. It's just not something a person does. This guy is supposedly a doctor, is he damn well stupid? Even I knew this shit.

" You never take off the pre-existing gauze, you can put more over it only." I stated, snatching it from his hand and putting it over the other gauze.

For a moment he looked at me, dumbfounded, before mumbling ' right' in my direction. For maybe two more minutes I stood there, before Dr. Levine had come in with another doctor by his side, the other doctor took over my place, congratulating me on a job well done in helping, and I headed off with Dr. Levine.

" You handled that situation well, Edward. Many would have been frantic in that situation."

" If I freaked out, she would have freaked out." I stated simply

He nodded briskly and we headed down towards the front. I sat down across from another guy who was doing his residency here, and I rarely ever talked with anybody besides Dr. Levine or Dr. Kane. When it comes to school, or especially in this case, I find myself focusing on the source of learning, and that's where it would end. I never found myself making friends, never saw the purpose. I was always caught up with the group that was already created. With Bella, I already felt like I was complete,

I sat in my thoughts for a moment before I was thrown into more of the craziness. I helped Dr. Kane with a blood test and an x-ray, aiding him in any way that I could. I took blood pressure, temperatures, and just as I'd finish checking a young man's heartbeat, I set down the stethoscope and nodded at the doctor, filling out the chart properly. Apparently this kid was supposed to have his sports physical at the beginning of school, but it was put off, so we had to just finish it up. Everything looked to be in order, and then he spoke up, voicing a concern about a lump on his fucking junk.

And yeah, I had to fucking stand there as Dr. Kane felt him up. Okay, not that way, in a way that totally professional in this entire ordeal. I knew that this was to come, and I knew what to do, but I was glad that I didn't have to test that out today. Fucking glad as hell.

I shifted my weight for a moment, and then I was sent off. Suddenly I heard my phone go off in my pocket, and I quickly grabbed it, thinking that I had put it on silent. Before seeing who the caller was, I rejected it and turned a corner.

It had been from Bella, and I quickly created a message, telling her that I would give her a call the moment that I'd gotten out of the hospital. I got off at seven here, and then I had a shift from seven thirty to eleven at the library and I was closing, so it was definitely a fucking busy day.

I sighed and leaned against the wall. When I walked in the main entry way, my entire body froze immediately.

Standing at the front desk, and an unknown man standing next to her, was my mother. I saw a cloth being held to the middle of her hand on the inside, and there was scarlet red blood on it, soaked through.

Fuck.

I knew that I had to do my job.

Dr. Levine strode towards them, and I had to be on his heels. There was no other option.

Why did she come here?

The moment she swiveled around, I heard a small gasp leave her, and I tried my best to avoid her gaze. Next to her, stood a man, maybe just an inch shorter then I am, with light brown hair, blue eyes and medium/pale skin. He wore a very professional, perfectly tailored black suit with a purple tie. He looked about my mother's age, and he looked...kind.

This was probably her new husband.

He looked at me, and the expression on his face was interesting. I couldn't figure it out.

" Mrs. York, come this way with me. This is one of our students doing his residency, Edward Masen. If you'll come this way with us, please…" he trailed off

I felt her gaze as I walked next to Dr. Levine. He walked into an exam room and she seated herself with the aid of her...husband.

Honestly, I felt like I was going to be sick.

Here she was, already moved on with her life, re-married, and for all I fucking know I could have a half-sibling or three. And then there was me; fucked up beyond believe and still not able to get over my past. Dr. Levine looked at me warily, and then back at my...mother. Something in his gaze said something to me, but before he spoke, I did.

" I'm not feeling very well, is it alright if I step out on this one?" I asked, on the verge of tossing my damn biscuits on the floor.

" Of course, Edward. You look paled. Go get some fresh air."

I got out of there as fast as I could, and walked out the first exit I found. I felt the fresh air hit my now clammy skin and I sighed in relief. I sat down on a bench with my head in my hands, my breathing picking up in hyperventilation. Without another thought I dialed Bella's number, and she answered right away, knowing something was wrong when she heard my voice.

" She came in, bloody palm or something...With her...husband. Fuck, Bella. I can't breathe." I rasped out.

" Hey, green eyes. Calm down, okay? Everything is alright, I promise you. Do you want me to come get you?"

" I can't."

" Okay, then look, I'll stop by at the library, we can talk for a bit while you work on your expert book stacking skills."

I let out a rough laugh, " Yeah."

" Don't let it get to you. I'll even bring you some of the mushroom pasta I made for dinner tonight, it only takes five minutes to get to there from the hospital, so you can eat in the car; I'll meet you there. And we can go back to your apartment later and lay in bed to relax."

How her words could calm me was amazing. She always knew what I needed.

I loved this woman more than anything.

" Bella...I-...Fuck, I lo-"

" Oh, sorry, sweetheart. Alice is attacking my phone with messages. Text me when you get out of the hospital, okay? And don't worry about your mom; it's alright, no worries. I'll see you soon."

I sighed, " Bye, sunshine."

" Bye."

I couldn't believe that I almost told her that I loved her over the phone.

~\\~

Almost ripping the car door completely off its hinges, it swung open and I was enveloped in the most amazing, familiar scent. Her arms wrapped around me, and I felt secure. I held her body to me, and I felt her legs wrap around my waist. She gripped me and I turned us around, sitting in the driver's spot of her truck with her in my lap.

Her hands ran over my jaw, to my hairline and smoothing my hair back, her lips close to mine.

" It's okay, it's okay." she repeated.

" She's moved on."

I felt Bella's lips on my cheek and her hands were braced on my shoulders.

" She did, Edward. And you have to work on it, too."

I rested my head on her shoulder, my head spinning in something between panic and fear. Bella ran her hands through my hair and moved her lips to my temple. I pressed my body flush to hers, not wanting to let her go.

" You're a beautiful man, inside and out. And I know that you are strong enough to get past this, Edward. You're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you make me the happiest girl on earth knowing that you let me be a part of your life. And I am always here when you need me, no matter what."

Without thinking much, I mumbled those three fucking words against her shoulder.

" I love you."

Bella pulled back slightly, looking at me with wonder in her beautiful brown eyes.

" I don't care that we only met like five months ago. That doesn't matter. I've never cared about anybody as much as I have you; you're so special to me. I love you, Bella." I whispered quietly to her.

The most breathtaking smile appeared on her face, and she rested her forehead against mine, winding her arms around my neck. I stared into her eyes, waiting for some kind of response. I'd never seen her so happy then as I did in that moment, and I smiled at the fact that I made her that happy.

" I love you, too, Edward."

My mouth found hers and I kissed her slowly. I could feel her smile against my lips, making me smile in return. She pulled away and hugged me just about as tight as she could. I kissed her neck softly, hearing her sigh contently in my arms.

" Are you hungry, I brou-"

She was going to pull back, but I held her in place. I held her for another five minutes, and we sat quietly in each others embrace. When I pulled away, she stayed nestled in my side. I brushed my hand through her hair and ran my hand down her waist.

" I can't believe I told you that I loved you in this damn truck, in a mostly empty library parking lot."

Bella chuckled, " I told you I don't need perfect."

I kissed her once more and she reached over, holding a container in her hands with a fork on top of it.

" It's warm, I heated it up before I came here, and it was pretty hot when I left, so it should be perfect now."

" Thank you, I appreciate it very much."

" I don't want my boyfriend getting fat over fast food."

" You give me enough workout. There is no need for worry."

She leaned forward, " I still haven't given you a proper all night special workout."

" Mmm, what's that?"

" Isabella Swan special." she teased.

" Sounds nice."

I rested my hand on her lower back and she fed me a bite of the pasta. Half of it almost ended up on her lap, and then she just let me feed myself, brushing her hand through my hair and kissing my temple as I did.

" I've been waiting to tell you that I loved you since Halloween."

" It's been before that for me...I've been telling people that I love you before I told you. Like Jenn at work."

" Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

" I didn't want you to feel pressured to say it back to me."

" Why was now the perfect moment?"

" It slipped out, and it felt right. I couldn't help it. Fuck... I have to be in there in ten minutes. I don't want to go."

" Later at the apartment, we can spend some time together." she stated, lighting up a cigarette. I stared at it longingly and she let me have a few drags of it between my bites of food.

Before I knew it I had eaten everything, and Bella tossed out the plastic container and fork in one of the trash cans near the building before returning to me. She sat on the bench seat next to me, leaning into my side.

" I love you."

" I love you, too."

" Don't ever leave me."

" I won't." she murmured, holding my hand.

~\\~

" I cannot WAIT to see you over break. I figured I could drive out to your apartment after you get home and stay two days since I've got the entire week off! And I can see Jazz, and Bella can stay over one night. Oh! We can go out to a bar and have some fun! This is going to be a blast! How much are you working?"

" Hm, not sure yet. I might have to work a few hours early in the morning, but otherwise it should be good. I know that the library will definitely be closed on Thanksgiving, but we'll see when it gets closer. How's school otherwise."

" Great! Been filling up my sketch book like crazy these days. I can't wait to start interning! But I also miss being home a lot. I've been thinking about transferring to be closer to mom and dad, and Jasper, and all of you guys. I miss having my brother close to me."

" Have you been looking at design schools, or what?"

" A little bit. I mean, they have an amazing program here...But I mean, it was a lot of fun when I had even Bella here. I don't really have many friends, I'm likeable, right?"

I chuckled, " The most likeable person I have ever met, Alice."

" Is Bella there right now?"

" She went to the grocery store actually, insisting on making us dinner tonight. And earlier she had a meeting about her new job, which I presume you already know about."

" How's everything been going with her?"

" As if you don't know."

She was quiet for a moment before she blurted out, " She called me the night you told her you loved her. I am so happy for you guys!"

" Thanks, Alice. Hey, if it weren't for you we'd probably not even be fucking together."

" What can I say...Hey, I've got to give dad a call, so I will chat your ear off again later, okay?"

" Sure thing. Love you, Al."

" You, too, Edward."

I ended the call and pocketed my phone. Jasper walked in about five minutes later, dumping a pile of Law books on the counter. He groaned and laid over the couch, whining and groaning as he did so. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a beer from the fridge.

" What's your fucking issue?"

" Well, on top of being rammed into the ground by some three hundred pound guy in the halls, I feel absolutely great."

" Wait...what?"

" You heard me. This three hundred pound guy just came barreling down the halls in a fucking hurry, and he clipped me in the shoulder and I went down. He fell on top of me, completely. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of... flesh and body. It was fucking terrible."

" Rough day."

" Fuck yeah. Why are you home?"

" I don't know, they just let me off early. Want a beer?"

" Yeah, sure. Thanks, man."

I went into the fridge and grabbed one of the beers, handing it over to him. Walking past him, I turned on the television and made him move his ass over so that I could sit down. He gave me a sidelong glare and I ignored it, flipping through the channels until I found something to satisfy me.

" What the fuck is this?"

" Cake Boss. Bella and I watch it when we...hang out."

" Hang out? Do that often?" he asked, bumping my shoulder.

" If you mean have sex, no, if you mean everything else besides sex, hell yeah."

" Still not getting any?"

" Yes, and perfectly okay with it."

He shook his head, " I don't know how you do it."

" It's not like we aren't fucking touching each other and staying a foot away at all times. Shit isn't like that, and it's not a big deal to me, honestly. When the time is fucking right, then it will happen. I swear to god, I think you care more about my sex life then your own."

" Fuck that."

I scoffed, " Whatever you say."

" You're just jealous my girlfriend is only a few minutes away from me, and yours is a state away."

" Rub it in why don't you."

I chuckled, " Regardless. We're both pretty lucky."

" You're luckier. I don't know how Bella puts up with your shit."

" Thanks, Jasper." I said sarcastically.

" Anytime, Edward, anytime."

**Authors Note- Okay, to start I AM SO INCREDIBLY SORRY. ****I have no idea WHAT was up with fanfiction, but I couldn't access the information to ANY of my stories, therefore, unable to edit the content chapters for DITD, and unable to update! This would have been here so much sooner, again, I AM SO VERY SORRY. **

**I hope you guys still send me reviews, I respond to them all now!**

**New Question- What is one of the most special moments you have ever had?**

**I love you guys, and this fluff above is well deserved.**


	30. The Card

**Authors Note- **********************PLEASE READ ALL END AUTHORS NOTES****************

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

" You are absolutely the best."

She leaned against me and I wrapped my arms around her, swaying side to side. Without another word, she slipped her shirt off and it floated to the floor. I stood behind her and unzipped her jeans, helping her slid them down her soft, smooth legs. I kissed the back of her neck and she sighed deeply.

" When is Alice going to be here?"

" Around...Nine something? I know that her plane lands at seven ten, and then Jasper was taking her out for dinner and then heading over here. So I figured I could do this for you while we had the place to ourselves."

The bathroom was filled with candles and I had run a hot bath with rose petals floating around in the mostly clear water. I was never a fucking romantic guy, and have never done anything remotely this romantic in my entire life for anybody, but Bella deserved it, and I figured that I could do this for her.

Bella slipped into the bathtub after discarding the rest of her clothes, and let out another sigh, sounding content and comfortable. I sat next to the bathtub and leaned towards her. Her lips touched mine for just a moment and then I pulled back.

" What inspired this?"

" I wanted to do this for you."

" Hm, okay. I don't have the energy to argue with you going through all the trouble.

I laughed quietly and kissed her forehead, standing up.

" Would you like a glass of wine or something?"

" I think you should join me, just like last time."

" Not tonight, this bath is only for you. I'll be right back, babe." I said, heading out of the bathroom, making sure this time she didn't grasp any part of me like she did last time.

When I reached the kitchen, I opened up the fridge and took out the red wine. I grabbed glasses from the cabinet and set them down, and poured out the silky wine into the glass that looked more like a champagne flute, but I didn't really care anyways, and I was sure Bella wouldn't give a shit as well.

For about a half hour, forty five minutes we drank wine and talked to each other in the small bathroom. It was comfortable, and quiet. When the water had cooled, Bella got out of the bath and I wrapped her in a towel. We ended up in my bedroom, and I pulled her down in my lap. Her shoulders smelled like the roses, and I breathed in her scent and softly kissed her smooth skin.

" I'm so tired." she murmured, turning her head to kiss my cheek.

" I'm sorry, sunshine." I replied, tucking her hair behind her ears, half the length of her hair was wet, and Bella reached for a ponytail and tossed her hair up. It was getting very long, and she'd been hinting at getting a haircut.

Personally, I loved her long hair.

Bella changed quickly into a pair of thin cotton pants and a racer back t-shirt. We headed out towards the main room and sat on the couch, keeping the television off because we didn't really get there without our lips attached.

" Mm, is this the teenage boy side of you?" Bella laughed as my hand wandered over her backside as I gently bit her neck.

" Depends on if you like it or not."

She laughed quietly and pulled away, heading towards the fridge and purposely swaying her hips. I heard the fridge door open and I heard her rifling through it. When it stopped, I figured she must have come across the pie that I got at bakers square last night. I was going to wait to eat it for Alice, but I couldn't tell Bella no.

" What the hell is this beautiful pie?"

I smirked. " Caramel Pecan Silk Supreme."

" I love you."

I roll my eyes.

She comes back in the room with a pretty greedy slice of pie, but insists that it's this big because she plans on sharing it with me. When I tell her that I am not in the mood for pie, I know she is silently excited that she can eat it all herself.

Still, she puts the fork to my lips and I take a bite despite my previous refusal. A few minutes later I decide that kissing Bella after eating pie is just about the best thing. She tastes like the pie. We move into a comfortable half-sitting position on the couch and I feel her sinking into me, relaxing under my touch and our kiss.

It was too soon that it ended.

Before I even knew what had happened, Bella was gone and I had a small pixie in my lap hugging the goddamn life out of me, basically screaming in my ear how much she missed me. When I stood, she was still clinging to me, and Bella laughed.

Alice hopped right off me and attacked Bella, wrapping her arms around her waist.

" I missed you guys so much! Oh my god, I can't believe I'm here right now!"

" I missed you, too, Alice. How's school?"

" Fun, but it's not nearly as fun as being here! What about you? I know you aren't working, probably got a full time job with Mr. Emo over there though."

" Haha, how fucking funny, Alice." I deadpanned.

" I know, right? Hey, Jasper said there is pie in the fridge? We just got back from this fancy seafood place. The lobster was phenomenal." she said, heading towards the kitchen.

" Help yourself." I told her, pulling Bella back into my arms. She was smiling and I kissed her forehead softly.

" I told you they were sickening, Alice."

" Aw, it's so damn adorable! I knew setting you guys up would be perfect. Cutest couple ever! Besides us of course, Jazzy."

" Yeah, Jazzy, not nearly as precious as you and Alice." I mocked in a high-pitched tone.

I sat down on the couch and Alice plopped down next to me, a plate and fork in hand with a big grin on her face. She forked a piece of the pie and readily put it in her mouth, closing her eyes and humming. I could see how happy she was to be here, and her love for the pie, I dully noted.

Bella plopped down in my lap and I steadied her with my hands on her hips. Alice smirked in our direction and kept on with her pie until the plate was scraped clean. Giving her and Jasper some... Alone time...Bella and I headed out for the night, ending up at some quiet, classy bar downtown.

We weren't there long, and somehow ended up at an ice-skating rink downtown, relaxed and loosened up from the drinks that we had at the small bar. It was Bella's idea to come here, and I was surprised by the request considering Bella's non-gracefulness even walking sometimes.

I never knew that Bella was this graceful on ice.

It was funny watching her skate around the empty, open rink, not only her breath leaving trails behind her, but the smoke rings from her cigarette also trailing behind her. I followed her, moving around her and around her in circles. As if we were dancing, I held her hand and twirled her around me, and spun her out and in. She easily glided along the ice and let me drag and pull her along with me.

Her careless laugh was beautiful in the quiet, cold air, and very contagious. I found myself laughing along with her. I watched as her legs raced around the rink, fast and graceful. She looked peaceful, happy. When I caught up with her, I had my arms wrapped around her tiny waist and the length of my body against hers, and she lost her step and wavered.

" EDWARD!" she yelped, landing in my lap as I went ass fucking first into the ice.

Her hipbone hit the wrong place in my lap, if you get what I am saying. It dug into me and I probably screamed like a fucking girl. Bella got off of me as quick as she could in fucking ice-skates, and I laid on the ice, groaning and covering myself.

" What is it with you, woman? I'm starting to think you don't want me to have kids." I wheezed out.

I felt her hands on my cheeks, and she smiled at me, " Just making sure that it's still there, is all."

" If you need a reminder just ask and I'll show you."

She laughed quietly and kissed my nose, like I was a little kid.

" You injure me, in my most treasured place may I remind you, and then give me a kiss on the nose like you are my mom?"

Bella leaned down and gave me a full on kiss to the lips, and I sat up and tackled her backwards, making sure not to hit her head. She yelped in surprise and I leaned down and kissed her softly and pulled away, standing up. Bella grabbed my hands and I pulled her up. I skated in front of her, and raced off.

" Think you are fast don't you."

I looked back at her, " I know I'm fast."

She gained up speed and wrapped her arm around my waist, keeping up with my pace.

" I like seeing you happy." she told me, staring up into my eyes.

" I enjoy being happy, and you are to thank for that."

" You weren't ever happy without me?"

We paused and I stood in front of her, holding both of her tiny, cold hands in mine. She looked up at me, her brown eyes sparkling with curiosity. I hoped that I looked serious, because I was.

" There were times where I would be happy. Small, tiny moments that I can just barely remember...But there was always something lingering in the back, depressing me, making me upset or just fucking sad. They all related to my past, and now when I'm with you...I don't feel it linger in the background, I feel happy and that's it. It's not, ' I'm happy, but I am still somewhat sad about shit that's going on '. You're always honest with me, and the way we are together... I just can't help but feel lucky and happy to have you."

She rested her head on my chest and I pulled her close to me. When she looked at me again, I saw something in her eyes, that something was wrong. I didn't mention anything, not wanting to ruin the moment by making assumptions.

" Let's go."

Bella and I headed into the main entrance, and we returned the skates to the girl up front. She had an annoyed look on her face when Bella made her appearance and grasped my hand. This wasn't out of the ordinary for Bella to stake her claim. When we were finished, we walked out together and I opened the car door for Bella.

We drove around for a short while, and stopped at the Starbucks drive-thru before heading back to the apartment. When we got in, the place was dark and quiet, no signs of activity in the apartment besides sleep. I opened my bedroom door and flipped the light on. Bella set her coffee down on the desk, along with her purse, and took her jacket off. I took it from her and hung it in my closet next to mine.

She took her shoes off and set them next to a pair of mine, the ones I wore for work. I laughed at seeing her beat up converse next to my shined designer shoes. When I looked back at her, she had that same look in her eyes as before at the skating rink, and I wondered what was going on with her. Before I could say anything to her, she said my name quietly.

" Edward."

" Yeah?"

" You've been so honest with me about how you feel, and everything about our relationship. You've always been a private person, and I appreciate how much you have opened up to me, and have always told me the truth, and let me know things." she said quietly.

Now, I was nervous.

What the fuck was going on?

" What's wrong, Bella?"

" I don't want to ruin today, but I felt bad at the rink when you said all of the things about being happy and us being honest with each other."

" Why does that make you feel bad?"

" Something happened the morning after Halloween. It's not awful or anything. I didn't mean to..."

At this point, I was honestly starting to freak the fuck out, wanting to know what she was talking about. I wracked my brain, and nothing came up. What could have happened that morning? Her dad caught us fooling around, but that was fucking old news.

She seemed alright that morning, and nothing was weird or out of ordinary that I knew about, but with the way she was talking I was wondering if something did happen that I was unaware about. I couldn't come up with anything, and I blurted my next words out without thinking.

" You're freaking me the fuck out."

" I saw your back. I just woke up, and you were lying down on your stomach and you were just there. I didn't want to tell you, but I felt guilty for not saying anything about it."

That's when I blew up.

" Fuck! That is what you were so upset about! Damn it, Bella, I thought something bad happened!" I snapped.

" You aren't angry?"

" I don't ever want you to have to see that, but I thought this was some goddamn serious shit. I was scared out of my mind!"

" I'm sorry, okay? Edward, I am."

I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her neck.

Right now, I didn't fucking care that Bella saw every raised mark, every patch of skin that was bumpy, the deep indents, and angry white scars...That didn't matter, because I still had her. She was here after seeing it, and I was upset that she thought she should hide that from me.

" It's okay, sunshine. Don't...worry about it."

" I felt awful."

" Don't feel awful."

" I can't help it."

" I can't believe you are still here. How can you look at me the same way?"

" You're still my Edward. I wouldn't ever look at you different." she murmured.

I pressed my mouth to hers and I could feel her desperation. It matched mine. My mouth moved so frantically with hers, I couldn't even tell you which tongue belonged to whom. She groaned and pulled me down on top of her on my bed. It screeched under our weight, and I pushed my body flush to hers, feeling her rapid heartbeat against my own.

Her hands rested with one on my jaw, and the other on my stomach. I felt my bottom lip between her lips, and then she devoured my mouth. There was something behind this kiss, something different from all of the others that we've shared. I groaned and wrapped my arms around her, our hips flush against each others. I didn't want this to end; the sudden unfamiliar intensity that was driving me absolutely crazy spurred me on.

I wrestled Bella's shirt off, and just as the fabric landed on the floor, I heard the door click open.

" Whoa! Shit, sorry." I heard Alice yelp before slamming the door.

Before we could even react, the door was already shut. Bella was startled slightly and pulled away from me, but I didn't let her move far.

" I'd go ask her what she wants, but I really don't want to." I said, trailing my lips down her neck.

" Jasper and Alice are here."

" Be-"

" I know. I'm turning into you. Come on." she said, sitting up and reaching down for her shirt.

Damn it.

While Bella changed back into her clothing from before we left the apartment, and I headed towards the kitchen to see if Alice was there, and found her sipping a cup of what looked to be tea.

" I'm so sorry about that, brother. Had no idea you guys were...Yeah, you get it."

I laughed, " It's cool, Alice."

" I didn't know where the tea was, but I found it. I figured it would help me sleep, it's been such a busy day, sometimes hard to wind down."

I nodded in understanding and heard my bedroom door unlock, meaning that Bella had finished dressing, and the light flooded the hallway before it was flicked off and I heard my bed shifting from down the hall.

" You look so happy." Alice said.

" I am happy. She's...Fuck, Al, she is amazing. I don't know what I would do without her."

A big grin spread over her face. " I'm really glad you two are working out...How's everything else been?"

I sighed, " Alright. I'm dealing with it."

" If you need to talk..."

" I know, Alice. Thanks." I murmured.

She set her mug down and wrapped her arms around me, I hugged her back and she sighed against my chest.

" It'll be okay. And you have all of us; we all love you, Edward."

" I know that, too."

Alice pulled away from me, and smiled at something beyond me. I looked around and saw Bella standing there, in the same pair of pajama pants as before, but with one of my wife beaters instead of her racer back. Her hair was swept up in a messy bun thing, and exposed her neck. She looked beautiful.

I held out my hand and she took it and leaned into my side, smiling at Alice.

" I'm so happy for you guys. Like, really."

Bella smiled, " Hey, thanks to you. All the forced trips, and other things...It's all on you, Ali."

" Yeah, well, what can I say? Well, I am going to cuddle up next to my boy; it feels amazing to say that. I'll see you guys tomorrow!" Alice chirped in a very chipper voice, bouncing off towards Jasper's room.

Bella's hand led me to my bedroom and when the door shut behind us. I felt her hands on the hem of my shirt, and I wanted to know more than anything what she was thinking at that moment.

" Seeing it when I am sleeping, and me being aware of you seeing it are two different things."

" I love you."

Nothing more was said besides me repeating those three words in reply, my voice was quiet and broken. I didn't move much. She took my shirt off and I felt her hands all along the length of my back. I let out a shuddering breath when I sat down on my bed and felt her behind me. I could feel the panic rising, but when I heard her voice, I calmed.

Her arms wrapped around my neck, " This doesn't change how I feel about you, green eyes." she whispered quietly next to my ear.

" I never wanted you to see the completely messed up side of me."

" Well, I have, and it's not completely messed up. It's just the struggling side of you." she said, kissing the side of my neck.

I felt her hand tracing down my back, and I stood up and shed my jeans. Bella laid back on the bed, staring at me with wary eyes.

" Please take those pants off." I sighed.

She smiled and took off the damn pajama pants, exposing her smooth, creamy white legs. I got into bed with her and she curled herself into my side with her head on my shoulder.

" Are we alright?" she asked

" We are."

~\\~

When I awoke, Bella and I were in the same position as when we fell asleep, but Bella's hand now rested on my chest, close to my heart. I laid with her for a long while, listening to her breathing. I slowly changed our positions so that I could bury my face in her hair, and hold her properly in my arms.

She awoke at around nine thirty, and was half awake basically. I got up and headed to the bathroom, and then to brush my teeth, deciding to get ready for the day. When I returned she was moving around the bed trying to get comfortable. When she noticed me standing by the door she waved me towards her.

" What, babe?" I asked.

" I can't get comfortable without you."

" But, I-"

" Anything you need to do can wait. Come here, please." she whined.

I curled up in bed next to her, moving her body into a simple spooning position that had her asleep within five minutes at the most. Slowly, I slipped out from behind her and put a pillow against her back, so it wouldn't feel completely empty.

I took a shower and dressed, including putting my shoes on. When I had finished getting ready I headed towards the kitchen. The entire apartment was quiet, and I grabbed my keys and phone and decided to head out and pick up some things for breakfast.

First, I headed to McDonald's and picked up two bacon and egg biscuit sandwiches, knowing that Bella loved those things like crazy, and when I picked up breakfast I almost always brought her one. Once I had finished up over there, I headed over to Dunkin Donuts to pick up a few other things.

Upon walking inside and getting in line, I saw my mother's… new husband…standing there talking to the cashier about his order. I felt my throat start to constrict, and it was hard to catch my breath. I looked over, knowing that she would have to be there, and saw _her _sitting at a table in the corner near the window and I kept my eyes away. I was looking for some type of distraction.

When I heard my phone going off in my pocket, I grasped for it in my pocket. The caller ID told me that it was from Bella, and I breathed something between a sigh of relief and slight panic, but I calmed myself down. I accepted the call and pressed it to my ear,

" Hey, babe. Sorry I disappeared."

" Where are you?" she asked.

" At Dunkin Donuts picking up breakfast. Do you want coffee?"

" Yeah, that'd be nice. I just wanted to make sure you didn't leave me."

" Never. I love you, babe. I'll see you in a few."

" Love you, too. Bye."

I hung up my phone and pocketed it. I stood up in line as he walked away, and I got a half a dozen donuts. Two were chocolate long johns, two were regular glazed, and the others were apple filled, which are fucking delicious. I got two coffees, knowing that Jasper wasn't a fan of coffee, and Alice was a star buck's girl. I could pick her up one of her little lattes on the way back.

When I was done with the order, the guy got it together and pawned it off to me after I handed him a few bills. Just as I was about to walk through the door and head out to the car, I heard _her _say my name. I didn't want to acknowledge her presence. I wanted to forget that she even existed in the first place, but she was insistent...and making it extremely hard.

" What?" I forced out, not even bothering to look at her.

I heard her stand and step towards me, and with a bold move, I set my things down on the nearest table and stood straight in front of her. For some reason, I just wanted to face her, and hopefully get it over with so then she could leave me the fuck alone.

_Just get it over with, Edward._

" Edward, I just want to talk to you." she said in a small voice.

" We could have talked, years ago. You left, remember?"

" I want to tell you why, Edward. I want to talk to you and help you understand. Sweetheart, I love you. You are my son, and I will always love you. I won't force you to talk to me, but I think we both know that we need to talk about it and get closure on the situation."

Before I could say anything, she took out a card from her pocket, which had a phone number written on it. On the bold front of the card it stated ' York's Wedding Planning'; the location said that it was in Chicago. The rest of my body went completely still, and my hand reached out and took it from her for some reason, slipping it into my pocket.

" I'll still be around for another month, okay? Please give me a call, Edward."

I picked up my things and swept out of the door before anything else could happen.

~\\~

Before getting back to the apartment, I stopped at Starbucks to get Alice a Vanilla Mocha Latte, non-fat of course, with a little whip cream and a sprinkle of cinnamon. It's sad how I fucking know all of this stuff.

When I got back to the apartment, they were all hanging out in the kitchen. I set everything down and they thanked me for picking up breakfast. Alice took her Starbucks, and I handed Bella her coffee, and she grabbed sugar from the cabinet. She put mine together just how she knew I liked it, and grabbed one of the breakfast egg and bacon biscuit sandwiches from the McDonald's bag.

" So, what are we doing today?"

" I'm working."

" I'm free!" Bella chirped.

" We are going out for sure. Maybe go shopping at the mall, go see my mom and maybe have a late lunch! Oh, today is going to be a blast!"

" What about me?" Jasper exclaimed.

" You can come...And hold our bags!"

" That sounds...glad I'm not going with you." I said, taking a sip of my coffee.

" Oh, whatever." Alice said with an eye roll.

" It's Sunday, who works on a Sunday?"

" A man who volunteers to do extra work at the hospital." I noted. " Now if you'll excuse me, I have to change." I said, finishing off a donut.

I headed into my bedroom and took off my other clothes; they were a simple t-shirt and jeans. I put on a pair of black, ironed slacks, and then tucked in a dark blue button up shirt. I buttoned the end of the cuffs and grabbed a tie, which was a bold striped one with black, gold and blue. Once I tied it and made sure it looked perfect, I grabbed my white coat from the closet. I draped it over the bed and grabbed my shoes. I tied them and adjusted the hem of my slacks, and stood up straight.

I opened my bedroom door and went into the bathroom to make sure I looked presentable. I fucked around with my hair, but gave up on it eventually like always. I re-brushed my teeth, not caring that I would be drinking coffee afterwards, and put on a bit of cologne.

As I walked out of the bathroom, I ran into Bella in the hallway, who smiled at me.

" You look nice today." she told me.

" So do you. I didn't notice until now."

She glared at me, and I gave her another once over. She had on a pair of dark wash skinny jeans, a pair of black heels, a green v-neck shirt, with some cardigan tossed over it and tied around her tiny, slim waist. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the side of her neck.

" I like your shoes." I whispered, staring unashamed down her shirt.

" You are such a creep, and thank you." she said, pressing the fabric close to her skin, hiding the view of her black push up bra.

" You're welcome, my love."

She kissed the spot underneath my ear and started to pull away, but I didn't let her. I held on to her and rocked us from side to side slowly. I felt her

" Are you okay?" she whispered to me.

" Yeah. I just want to hold you."

She wasn't convinced, but she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me close, knowing that I needed the comfort right now.

" I ran into my mother this morning. We can talk about it later tonight. Nothing awful happened."

Bella looked up into my eyes, and I smiled at her to assure her that everything was in fact, alright. I kissed her once on the lips softly, and she let hers linger on mine. I kept my arms around her waist and just held her.

" They go at it everywhere." I heard Jasper state.

I didn't let Bella pull away from me, but eventually they just disappeared behind the curtain that is Jasper's door.

I pulled her down the hall with me and we hung out in the living room for awhile. She sat sideways in my lap with her back against the arm rest, her fingers playing with my tie. I twisted the ends of her hair and rested my other hand on her thigh.

" I think I might get my hair cut today."

" Please don't."

" I get my job in March, and why not experiment with what looks good now. I feel like I am back in high school with all this hair. Maybe you'll think I look hotter, more sophisticated with shorter hair."

" As in, I might want to maul you when I see how sexy you look with it."

" Basically."

" But, I like something to grab onto." I said to her suggestively.

" Green eyes, you'd pull my hair out." she whispered in my ear.

" That good, hm?"

" I don't know. Ask my ex's best friend...If he even remembers; he was just as drunk as me."

" Haha, that's so damn funny." I stated sarcastically.

" I may not be a virgin, but as I said, I don't remember the night, literally, at all. Everything after...getting on the bed...I don't remember. But when I am with you, I know that I couldn't ever forget one moment of us together."

" So you are technically a virgin when it comes to actually experiencing sex." I noted

" Yes."

" Good to know." I said with a smirk.

" Fuck, I forgot...I have to head to the bank today." she said, rubbing her forehead.

" Why is that?"

" My debit got messed up. I went to fill up my gas tank yesterday and my card didn't go through. Thank god I had some cash on me. But I have a lot of money in there, so there is no damn way that I hit the end."

" Rolling in the dough, babe?"

" I have a lot of money from my mother's death. Her and my dad both had money for me for when they died, separately, and they had an account together for my college fund. I used that money for food and books I would need at the beginning of the year, or anything else; because with the scholarship, I didn't have to pay for school. The rest of it my father put in an account for me for when I turned twenty one, and the money from my mom's death was also given to me at twenty one."

I nodded in understanding.

" There was exactly seventeen thousand five hundred dollars that she left me, not a penny less, and I had just over thirty thousand dollars for college. I had no idea where it all came from. For awhile now I've been keeping my bank account around forty thousand dollars consistently. Without working it's not too hard, except for my phone bill with my dad that I pay, but it's not much. And I get groceries."

" So you could get an apartment right now if you wanted?"

" Yes, but I just want to assure my job and then go for it."

" Always the smart one."

She smiled and stood up, heading for the kitchen to grab her coffee that was left on the counter. I got up from my spot and went to my bedroom. I grabbed my phone, keys and lab coat and then went back into the living area and kitchen. I put my white coat on and Bella smirked.

" Doctor fantasies again?" I asked her.

" Yup."

" You have a guest here!" Alice chirped, " And I do not want to hear about my best friend and her doctor fantasies with my _brother_."

Bella leaned against the counter, " Says the girl who always wants details on how our intimacy progresses."

I quirked a brow in Alice's direction, and she huffed. " Sorry."

" Isn't it kind of sick that you want to know how good your brother is in the bedroom?"

" I have to agree with Bella." I stated.

" Shut up!"

I held out my hand and I felt Bella's hand grasp mine, fingers wrapping themselves around mine. Without warning I jerked her forward into my arms and she fell into me gracefully, and I caught her smoothly. She laughed quietly against my chest, her hand resting just over my heart.

" You both are so in love it's gross."

I kissed the top of Bella's head. " I've got to get to the hospital, but I will see you both later."

I released Bella and grabbed both my phone and keys, pocketing both, and headed towards the door. Alice waved at me and Bella rolled her eyes at Alice.

" Love you, both."

" Love you, too!" they said at the same time.

There was a long moment where I realized how lucky I was to have my family, friends, and Bella. Without them, I would be as deep into the darkness as I had been before.

**Authors Note- Alright, so, I think I've treated you all with great helpings of fluffy marshmallow goodness, in fact, you all are probably stuffed now! Next chapter things will get ****INTENSE****, and we are going to build up to I guess another climax in the story plot. Bear with me; I love you guys for sticking with me!**

**Previous Question (My answer)- What is one of the most special moments you have ever had? I need to learn how to answer my own questions...**

**New Question- Do you have any faraway friends that live out of state? Different countries count, too!**

**VERY IMPORTANT NEWS BELOW!*************VERY IMPORTANT NEWS BELOW********************

**VERY IMPORTANT NEWS BELOW!*************VERY IMPORTANT NEWS BELOW********************

**Okay! I need you all to pay attention to this very, very closely, and read through all of it so you don't get lost in the sea of words.**

**If you follow me on twitter, you know why my chapters have been delayed, if you don't, well, pay extra attention now! I've been encountering a lot of errors, when trying to go into my story information to update, and even logging into my account here on Fanfiction, and the issue is persisting, and very frustrating! Because as the people who followed me on twitter know that I wanted to update this yesterday on Kristen Stewerts Birthday, and this was the big chapter 30! It would have been awesome...but FF FAILED!**

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	31. Thanksgiving at The Cullens

**Authors Note- Timing not too shabby, eh? Let's go!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

Thanksgiving

November 27th, 2008

Thursday

~\\~

Today is Thanksgiving, or also known as the day that Emmett looks forward to every year even after the second it's over. This morning I'd gotten a call from him, and all he said was that I had to be here for dinner in time or else. Or else meaning that they would have to wait, and he would not be happy with me.

This year Bella and her father were going to spend it with us. Bella and I went back and forth, thinking maybe I could have dinner at her place early, and then we could head over to the Cullen's, and when we broached that topic, Esme said to invite Bella's dad, so Charlie was going to be spending it this year with us. Everybody was buzzing with excitement over the holiday, and Alice had been bouncing all over the apartment this morning, and I had quickly dressed and showered for the day so that I could get out of here, the craziness, and Alice's happy attitude which was really driving me nuts.

I put on a black t-shirt, jeans and my leather boots. Alice looked at my clothing with a disapproving look on her face, and a scowl. Honestly, I didn't care too much. When I was finished making some breakfast for them, I decided to head over to Bella's early. I know her father wouldn't be home until around three because he had a shift early in the morning she had said.

We were also planning on crashing at the Cullen's house, they were all off school, work, etc, so we just figured we could stay there for a night since it was also, too, a holiday.

When I got to her house, it was quiet, and I knocked on the door twice, and got not answer. I rang the doorbell, which I rarely ever use, and waited about two minutes, then knocked again.

I was a little skeptical about why she wasn't coming to the door, so I used the key that was placed under a small stone and unlocked the door. I heard the shower running upstairs and breathed a sigh of relief. I headed upstairs, petting her cat as I did and just as I got to the top, the bathroom door opened and I saw Bella, dripping wet, with a towel around her tiny figure.

" Hey, I thought I heard the front door...What are you doing here so early?" she asked, smiling at me.

" Jasper is boring and Alice is way too happy, so I figured I'd come see what you were up to." I murmured, stepping towards the door.

" Edward..."

I pushed the door forward slightly and wrapped my arms around her, not caring that she was wet, and kissed her softly. Her in my arms made everything disappear

" I'll wait for you downstairs, take your time." I whispered against her lips.

Her lips brushed against my jaw and she nodded, closing the door behind her as I descended the stairs. When I got downstairs, I headed into the kitchen and rifled through the fridge, finding a bottle of water. I sat down at the kitchen table and stared out the window, watching the branches whip around from the wind.

I heard the sound of her blow drier, and the sound of her picking up and putting down her curling iron, and the silence as she probably fixed her makeup and the sound of the sink turn on and off. At one point she went into her bedroom hurriedly from what it sounded like, and I heard the door click shut softly. The house was quiet, and it was easy to hear what was going on.

" Edward! Can you get me a band aid, please!" I heard Bella shout from upstairs. " In the bathroom cabinet."

I got up and went to the bathroom down the hall, as she said; I went into the cabinet and found a box of band aids. I quickly went upstairs and saw Bella sitting on her bed holding a cloth to her wrist, only in her strapless bra and underwear with the towel draped over her lap. Her makeup and hair was all finished I noted.

" What the hell happened?" I asked her, kneeling by her side.

" I missed a spot on my legs, so I went to grab my razor, and when I was getting it wet, I dropped it on my other wrist because it was wet, and it got caught in my skin."

I took off the towel to see it, and holy fuck I couldn't believe what it looked like. It was two jagged lined cuts on the inside of her wrist, and a chunk of flesh missing. These needed stitches, no band aid could help this.

" Babe, we need to get you to the hospital. This needs stitches."

" Are you kidding me, Edward? Everybody is going to think that I cut myself on purpose if I walk in there."

" Okay, fine. Let's get you dressed and head over to the Cullen's. Carlisle can stitch you up."

Bella attempted to use her hand, but immediately gasped as she reached for her clothes.

" Come on, I'll help you."

" It's like I got surgery all over again." she grumbled.

I helped Bella into her dark wash skinny jeans, which were fucking tight as hell and hard to get on. Bella laughed at me trying, and eventually, we got them on and I zipped and buttoned them for her, and softly kissed her stomach. Next Bella handed me a fucking tube top.

" What the hell?" I asked her.

" Edward, no asking questions."

I helped her into the black tube top, and then she handed me a sweater, now I understood because it was off the shoulder on both sides.

I carefully helped Bella with the sleeves of the thick, dark burgundy sweater. It went down about two inches below her hip. There was a fold-over part of the sweater were another layer folded down over her bust and the sleeves, which I guess was part of the style. It looked beautiful on her. She used her hand to fix her hair over her shoulders.

Bella didn't cut her hair, yet, and I knew it was to appease me. But she did say that she was going to be cutting it soon. She was able to put her shoes on herself, which were basic black pumps with a three inch heel. I called Carlisle while Bella retrieved her phone from upstairs and made sure she had everything she needed in her overnight bag, and he said he'd have his things ready when we got there.

I cleaned out the bloody sink and tried not to wince when I literally saw a chunk of her skin in the pool of blood. I hated the thought of her in pain, and seeing her flesh in there got to me. I rinsed out the sink and put the razor in the shower. I didn't want Charlie to come home and freak out if he saw it.

Once Bella was finished we headed over to the Cullen's. She held the towel to her wrist tightly the entire way there, and I rested my hand on her thigh, gently massaging her skin to soothe her pain in some kind of way.

"I'm okay, green eyes." She assured, resting her hand over mine.

" I don't want you to be in pain."

I pulled up to the Cullen's house, and saw that the driveway was empty besides Carlisle's car that was in the driveway. I took Bella's bag for her and wrapped my arm around her waist as we headed towards the front door. I picked out the right key on my key ring and opened up the front door. Bella stepped inside and I shut the door behind me.

" There you both are. How are you both? I've missed you."

Carlisle gave me a hug, which was kind of alien, and he went over to Bella, who gave him a half hug because of her wrist. He took her arm gently and led her to the kitchen, and I followed soon after I put Bella's overnight bag in the corner of the living room.

" Good, we are great. How are you?" Bella asked.

" I am doing very well. Esme is out doing some last minute shopping for dinner. She needed an extra loaf of bread for the stuffing."

The turkey was already in the oven, and I could smell the seasonings strongly in the kitchen. Bella sat down on the edge of the island counter, and Carlisle had his tools spread out before him to stitch her up.

" Mm, what happened here?" he asked as he took the towel off her wrist. Blood was dried around it, and Bella looked away and winced.

" I was wetting my razor in the sink, and it got slippery and slipped out of my right hand, and it got caught on my left wrist obviously."

" Alrighty, Edward, would you like to stitch her up while I hold her arm straight."

I've done stitches before, no big deal and it wasn't anything too hard, but I was nervous to do it on Bella. Making another person wince in pain is one thing, but my Bella...she was totally different. And when I looked at her, she smiled at me and I glanced over at Carlisle.

" Are you sure?" I asked.

" Of course. I know you've already learned how to stitch up, and it's not like Bella is practice. You can do it, Edward, unless you are too nervous."

" Uh, no. I'm fine."

I sat on the stood and Bella held her wrist still as I acquainted myself with Carlisle's things. It was all familiar to me. First, I cleaned it off the best that I could, and then I used a numbing jell around it before picking up the needle.

It wasn't too terrible, but I felt terrible when she winced slightly when the needle pierced her skin, but she said that it wasn't that bad. I was extra gentle with her, and once I put in all the stitches for both of the jagged cuts, I rubbed some more of the jell over the stitches and wrapped her arm up in gauze, all around, and then used the ace bandage over it, and used the small silver clip to keep it in place.

" That was a great job, Edward." Carlisle praised as Bella pulled the sleeve of her sweater down.

I grabbed her waist and helped her down off the counter, and she smiled and leaned into me.

" Before you leave tomorrow I can write you out a prescription for a mild pain medication. Just don't do any heavy lifting, and be careful with sharp objects."

" Thank you. I can be such an idiot."

" No you aren't. Accidents happen." I told her, kissing her temple.

" Okay, well, I have a few files to organize upstairs in my study. I figured I'd get them done so I won't have any later. If you kids need anything just come up, okay?"

" Sure thing." I said.

Carlisle headed upstairs and Bella and I went into the living room to hang out for awhile. Alice sent Bella a text at one point, and wanted to know where we were and if Bella's dad was there, and then decided to offer to give Charlie a ride over. Bella insisted she didn't have to, but I knew that Alice had met Bella's dad before many times, so she didn't take no for an answer, and Bella called her dad.

Once she hung up her phone, she set it on the coffee table and looked over at me stretched out on the couch. Bella got up from her spot on the ottoman and walked over to me. She steadied herself on my lap, her legs on either side of me. I rested my hands on her thighs and moved them up and down. She smiled at me and rested her hand on my ribcage, tracing invisible patterns over my shirt.

" How are you doing today?" she asked me softly.

" I'm okay, sunshine." I replied, moving one hand to grasp Bella's that was resting on my hip.

" Am I interrupting something?" I heard a quiet voice ask.

Bella looked away from me, and I saw Esme standing a few feet away from the couch. I sat up and helped Bella, making sure not to grab her left hand. We both stood and Esme strode forward to hug me, and then Bella.

" Oh, what happened to your wrist?"

" I cut it by accident, no big deal."

" Oh, well I-"

" WE'RE HOME!" I heard Emmett's booming voice shout.

Esme rolled her eyes and Bella laughed quietly and took my hand in hers, twining our fingers together and giving them a squeeze. I heard the tapping of Rosalie's footsteps, and Emmett was bounding towards the kitchen with heavy footsteps.

When they appeared, greetings were passed, as were hugs. Rosalie was dressed in a very nice dress, and heels that were crazily high, as per usual for her. Emmett even looked like he put in some effort, and was very proud of it. Esme whisked them both off into the kitchen to chop vegetables, and because Bella's wrist was injured, she got both of us out of it.

Soon, Alice and Jasper appeared, as did Bella's father. Everybody was sitting in the living room for the most part. Carlisle came downstairs and helped Esme in the kitchen, and soon everything was just cooking, so everybody compiled into the living room. I sat nearest to the arm rest, leaning my side into it, and Bella was by my side leaning into me. Carlisle sat in one of the big plush chairs, with Esme by his side. Emmett had Rosalie in his lap on the opposite side of the couch, and Alice and Jasper were in the loveseat next to the single chair that Bella's father occupied.

We all sat and discussed different topics, going from Bella talking about the city of London, to how Emmett met Rosalie, and they all laughed at when I freaked the fuck out on him all those years ago.

" He didn't fucking understand at the time." I grumbled.

Rosalie looked over at me, " Thank you, Edward. Hey, he was being nice...I was going through a very hard time, and he was looking out for me. Therapy was hard enough, and opening up to a therapist in a group was nerve wracking. A relationship at that time was difficult."

Emmett kissed Rosalie's temple and she beamed at him. Their love was evident.

" Has Bella ever told you all about how I met her mother?"

" No, please tell!" Alice exclaimed.

Charlie laughed, " Yes. Well, we were of course in high school. We were both seniors, and never crossed paths before, though we were completely different. Her mother was a very smart woman. She was in high honors, student council president, and even ended up Valedictorian at graduation. I knew of her, but I wasn't lucky enough to have her I thought. Well, one day, it was raining, so hard it was hard to see. And I was messing around with my buddies, and I'd been running towards the school entrance, when I ran right into Renee, and I fell straight down on top of her, and she was face down. We both ended up in the Nurse's office with icepacks and band aids. Her outfit was ruined from the ground, and she had an awful nose bleed. But the moment we saw each other, that was it. She teased me about it all the time about my clumsiness, and how I passed it onto Bella here. I swear that little girl has taken more falls than anybody I've known all together."

Everybody shared laughs, and it was honestly funny. I could only imagine meeting your soul mate by ramming and falling down on her. Charlie had a faraway look in his eye, and I saw Bella's sad smile next to me, probably thinking the same thing that her father was.

They wished she was here.

I looked down at Bella, and knew that not only did I lose so much in my life when it came to parents, but Bella lost a parent that she loved, and one that she knew loved her back with her entire heart. I held Bella close and kissed her head softly.

" I know it's hard, sunshine." I whispered to her.

She closed her eyes and nodded, and took in a steady breath before letting it out. Bella and Charlie re-told many stories about Renee, and Bella told the stories about all of her failed cooking attempts, and Charlie trying to let it down gently while Renee was blunt about how awful the food tasted. And eventually they got into the embarrassing stories, or at least Charlie did.

About Bella's first date in high school, a sloppy kid named Mike who spilled fruit punch on Bella's skirt, and she came home, stomping up stairs and claiming that she would never date anybody again. He also told us about Bella's short relationship with Jacob, a son of Charlie's friend, who was apparently very handsy in front of parents. I didn't like that story.

" Oh my god, and how she broke up with him? Let's just say, that kid took a swim far out into the ocean. Bella shoved him right off the doc after he tried to put his hand in a place very unwanted."

" Up the front of my shirt." Bella deadpanned.

Rosalie, Jasper, Esme and Alice were in total hysterics, unable to stop laughing with tears streaming down their faces. It was absolutely hilarious to them, and seeing them crack up made me laugh a little bit also.

" Looks like Edward came along at a good time. Although, I can't say he isn't handsy at times it seems." Alice joked.

" No, he's just perfect." Bella said, smiling.

I tightened my arm around her, and Bella turned her head. I rested my forehead against hers, staring into her beautiful brown eyes. I saw everybody watching out exchange closely out of the corner of my eye, and Bella quietly laughed.

" Yup, no privacy here." she chided as she moved her head to my chest.

Soon we were all gathered in the kitchen getting dinner ready. Bella was putting silverware down and napkins on plates, insisting on helping in some certain type of way. The turkey was carved and in the middle of the table, white meat on one platter, and dark on another platter. There was stuffing, cranberries, candied sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, mixed steamed vegetables, gravy and croissants. The food was hot and steaming as we took our seats. I was at the end of the table, with Bella next to me, and her father next to her, and then Alice at the other side. At the head of each side was Carlisle, and then Esme, and on the other side were Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie.

We said grace, and all went around the table expressing what we were grateful for. I was grateful for a lot of things this time around. I was grateful for Carlisle and Esme for being there and Jasper for putting up with me most of the time. Alice for being an amazing sister, and the others for showing they care. I was grateful mostly for Bella, and how much my life has changed with her in it. She made me feel worth it, and in general I was grateful that she was here with me, today.

Once we had finished, our plates were loaded up and everybody was eating. Emmett had a gigantic turkey leg in his hand, and he was eating it like there was no fucking tomorrow.

Everything was absolutely delicious, and nothing was less than delicious. Bella next to me was eating all of the cranberries, taking spoonful after heaping spoonful of them.

" Enjoying yourself over there." I asked her quietly.

She looked over at me. " These are divine."

I rested my hand on her leg and smiled at her. Once we had finished with dinner, we cleaned things up, and Esme packed containers for Charlie to take home. We hung around in the kitchen and drank coffee for awhile, and soon Charlie had to head home, so I offered to take him by myself.

I was a little bit skittish as we drove in the weird silence, but he looked over at me eventually.

" Edward...I've never seen my little girl so happy in her entire life than I did tonight."

I looked over at him, glancing quickly before putting my eyes back on the road.

" That's what I want for her. She makes me happy just seeing her happy."

" I like hearing that."

Before I could even think to filter my next words, they came out in a stream.

" I want to marry her someday."

I almost broke out in a sweat, and it was quiet for a moment before I felt his gaze on me again. I couldn't believe that I said it out loud to him. Bella and I just started using the ' I love you's', and now I was already telling her father that I wanted to marry her.

But there was an ease in saying it, like it was natural. I knew that I wanted to be with Bella, be her husband, or anything that she will allow me to be if she sees me in her future, and right now, with Bella twenty three, and I twenty four...At this point in my life, I am looking for someone with wife potential.

I know that some may say when you are ready, you are ready, but I want that person in my life, and as I've said before, Bella was fitting into that category quite perfectly.

Honestly, for awhile I never thought I would get married, but when I met that one person, marriage didn't scare me. The thought of someone, Bella in my situation, being there with me for the rest of my life; loving me, caring about me and supporting me...It honestly gave me a sense of belonging, and the feeling that I mattered.

" You've only known my daughter for a few months."

" She means the world to me. I wouldn't be here today without her."

The rest of the ride was mostly quiet, and he wished me a goodnight. Just before he shut the door to the car, he looked me straight in the eye.

" You might have my blessing one day; If you keep my daughter happy as she's been."

I nodded and wished him a goodnight before heading back over to the Cullen's, a lot was on my mind, but I mostly thought of Bella, which, as stupid as it sounds, kept a smile on my face almost the entire way back.

When I arrived back to the house only ten minutes later, there was all sorts of shit going on. Carlisle was standing by the foyer, and, what looked like my bed sheets, were being thrown over the banister from Alice. I looked at him, wanting to know what the fuck happened, and he just nodded upstairs.

I took each step by two, eager to get up there, and when I walked into my bedroom, I saw Emmett standing next to a wet Bella, and he was apologizing profusely while Rosalie pulled Bella's hair up in a ponytail out of her face. Her hair looked kind of damp at the ends

On the other side of the room, Esme and Alice were pulling sheets off my bed.

" What the fuck happened in here?"

He spilt a fucking pitcher of pink lemonade on my mattress, and my Bella.

Why was there a pitcher of lemonade even in my bedroom?

Esme asked Emmett to go check on Bella, and make sure that she didn't need anything and that she was settled fine. Apparently Bella asked Emmett if he could bring her a glass of lemonade because she was a little thirsty, and needed something to drink to take the pill that Carlisle gave her for pain.

Thinking that it was fucking fancy or some shit, he let Bella hold the cup while he poured the drink into the cup, only, Emmett, being the big idiot that he just naturally is, fucking tripped when he leaned closer to Bella, catching his foot on the metal piece under the bed that held up the frame and bed.

My poor girlfriend was standing in the middle of the room, as Esme and Alice pulled the sheets off the bed, soaked in pink lemonade through all of her clothes, with Rosalie by her, and Emmett strewing out apologies left and right.

" You are such an idiot." I said to Emmett as I went over to Bella.

She gave me a little pout and I pulled her into my arms.

" Babe, you smell like lemonade." I murmured to her as everybody in the room laughed.

" I'm sorry... You guys have to take the guest water bed." Esme said.

" It's fine...I just...need a bath or something, and some underwear that is not soaked with lemonade."

" I'll make sure that the guest bed is set up. Edward, you can go take care of Bella."

I did just that. I grabbed Bella's overnight bag for her and we went into the bathroom. Luckily it was spacious enough to fit the both of us without getting in the way of each other, and I set her bag on the toilet. I helped Bella get her sweater off, and got her out of those skinny jeans. I unclasped her bra for her, and she took off the rest herself and slipped into the bath that was drawn, keeping her wrapped up arm above the water.

" Today has been fun, green eyes." Bella said with a laugh as I brushed my teeth.

" I'm sorry."

" Don't apologize, it's alright. They call it accidents for a reason."

I finished brushing my teeth, and I scrubbed Bella's hair for her, and ran conditioner through her silky brown hair. Once she finished up with her bath, I helped her up into a towel and let her dress herself on her own since she insisted. She put on a tank top and fleece pajama pants, and when she finished up with her clothes, Alice came up and fixed her hair for her, blow-drying and straightening it nicely. I put Bella's lemonade soaked clothes in the wash and headed back upstairs to settle in.

I sat down on the waterbed and it started waving. I leaned up against the wavering pillows, and soon Bella came into the room, closing the door behind her. When she got into bed I turned the lamp off, but apparently Bella wasn't ready to sleep yet.

Did I mention how much fun it actually is making out on a water bed, and fooling around?

It was.

" I love you." Bella whispered breathlessly as she laid her head on my chest.

" I love you, too." I said, running my fingers through her hair.

" Don't you think our first time together should be in a water bed?"

I laughed at her, " That would be special."

She smiled and I grabbed her smooth leg, and hooked her knee around my hip.

" Don't disappear in the morning." she said lazily. " I want to wake up with you here."

" I won't leave." I murmured to her quietly to her.

I kissed the top of her head and whispered my love to her quietly in her ear as she drifted off. I brushed her hair over her shoulder and held her closely to me, not ever wanting to let go of this.

~\\~

Our sleep lasted about an hour. After that, we both got just fucking uncomfortable. Bella had made a move to shift in my arms, and the bed just went wavy, and then everything just got insane from there. I attempted to sit up and almost fell over. Bella laughed at me in the darkness and I felt her move over me, trying to find a comfortable position.

" This fucking bed..." Bella grumbled.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and snuggled into her neck. That was perfectly comfortable for me, but not for Bella. She hooked her leg over my hip and we found some kind of weird embrace curled up thing going on that was okay, until Bella's leg got all weird a crampy and she had to bend it out.

We floated like we were on a fucking boat in the sea for a few hours, falling asleep for ten minutes at a time before it was getting crazy. Bella was uncomfortable, and getting a little bit irritated and I was just all around pissed because it was annoying me that we couldn't just sleep comfortably in this damn waterbed.

At one point, around one in the morning I got up to check on my fucking bed. They dredged it in febreeze, and it was dry when I felt it, so I left Bella up on the top floor and headed for the laundry room. The sheets and pillow cases were folded on the machine, and my comforter was in the dryer, just finished drying so I figured they must have ran it before bed; it had to have taken two hours to clean since it's pretty thick. I somehow carried it all upstairs and half asleep put the pillow covers on the pillows, the sheets on the bed, and just tossed the comforter on it.

When I got to the guest bedroom, Bella was somewhat sleeping, and I pulled her into my arms and went to my bedroom. The moment I set her on the mattress, she sighed in pure relief and curled up next to me, asleep in only five minutes, and I followed afterwards...almost.

Then I realized that apparently Bella wanted to hardcore cuddle. No, not cuddle, she wanted to fucking burrow herself into me until I was almost falling off the fucking bed. It was like she was trying to get closer but couldn't get close enough to satisfy herself. I was about to wake her up and jokingly ask her if she wanted me to split my body inside so she could fit herself in, and see if that was close enough.

At one point, I wrapped my arms around her and moved over to the other side, so I was in the middle of the bed. Bella lifted her head up, looking tired and confused.

" What are you doing?" she whined.

" You were burrowing me towards the edge of the bed, sweetheart." I said, adding the nickname for effect.

" I don't burrow."

She put her back towards me and laid on the far side of the bed. I looked over at her, silently giving her a 'really?' kind of look that she could not see. With an eye roll I turned over on my side, my back facing hers and closed my eyes. I covered myself with the blanket and closed my eyes, soon falling into a deep sleep.

~\\~

When I awoke the next morning, Bella was basically plastered against my back with her skinny little arm over my neck. I opened my eyes just slightly and looked back, seeing the crook of Bella's knee over my hip, with her calf between both of mine. And the blanket and comforter were pushed down to the end of the bed, nothing between us.

I knew she'd give in at some point. Sometimes I wondered how Bella slept before we were together, because she couldn't ever get to sleep at night without having something wrapped around me; whether it is her leg hooked around my hip, or her arm draped over me.

I reached my arm up and grasped her injured wrist with my hand, softly kissing the bandage before closing my eyes again. I laid quietly in bed, hearing Bella's quiet breathing behind me for a long while, and it was pretty fucking relaxing and nice to just lay here. Soon Bella stirred behind me slowly, and I felt her peck the back of my neck softly before nuzzling the same spot.

" I'm sorry for almost burrowing you off the bed."

" It's okay, sunshine."

We laid down for a little while before deciding to get dressed and head downstairs. Once we had gotten ready for the day, dressed and put together, we headed downstairs to see what was going on. Jasper had apparently gotten here bright and early, and Rose stayed over last night. Everybody was dressed from what I saw.

There were Tupperware containers in the kitchen and family room, filled with garland, color and white lights, snowmen stocking hooks, tree skirt, boxes or ornaments, the tree angel that Carlisle and Esme have had since they were married. In the middle off the living room was the huge box for the tree.

We had a ten foot tall fake tree, and they were fluffing out the fake branches that were in many pieces, which were going to be hooked on the tall pole, they were separated by obviously sizes, but also by colored tapes so that everything was in the right place on the tree from the top to bottom. There was a plate of pancakes on the table, and I headed outside really quick for a cigarette, and Bella followed suit.

I lit hers up for her and she took a drag before letting out a long stream of smoke.

" Are you okay with helping to decorate?"

She looked over at me, " Yeah, of course. I'd love to help you guys."

" I didn't want you to feel forced."

Bella smiled, " I used to love doing Christmas decorations. I was always in charge of the banister, and putting the star on top of the tree."

" Mm, we have an angel."

" Angel, star; they both get the job done sitting on top of the tree!"

Once we finished up, we both headed into the family room and sat down on the couch, close to the edge as we were both handed a branch to stick out. I showed Bella how to do it and she got the hang of it quickly. It's honestly not hard at all, nothing too time consuming also, as long as everybody keeps good pace.

" Are you and Jasper going to get a tree for the apartment?" Alice asked.

" Nah, why bother with that shit?"

" Because it would look pretty!"

" I would. I just don't think we have that much room, and we honestly don't have time to go and put up all the decorations." Jasper cut in.

" True that." I replied, " Getting today off was a bitch."

Everybody laughed and Carlisle brought in the ladder and set it up by the tree, and stood next to the tall pole that was connected to the big, round, wooden base. They had the longest ones done, and the branches were in piles according to the color tapes they were marked with. Carlisle started putting them in, working up to make it easier. They already put an extension cord around the pole, so that when we put the lights in, it was right there and nobody had to crawl under and feed it up.

We kept building it up and up until finally we got to the last piece, which was big because it was the top of it, and we fixed it up, and stood the longest branch piece in the middle straight up so that we could put the angel on top.

" Looks perfect." Esme said, standing with her hands on her hips as she examined the tree.

Carlisle did the Christmas lights on the tree, like he does every year, and once the colored lights were all finish and strung on the tree perfectly, the ornaments were set out on the couch. There were so many random ones, and we laughed at the half assed ones that Emmett and Alice made as kids. There was a supposed reindeer that was a white rag, with string tied around it. In the middle of the rag was a little ball, and then the fabric was clung around it and the edges hanging down, looking more like a ghost, but then it had a huge red fuzzy ball as a nose, and two brown pipe cleaners for its antlers.

" It was in first grade, shut the hell up!" Emmett yelled at me.

" I wish we had your ornaments as a kid. I bet yours were just as funny."

I rolled my eyes, " I never made any in school. Our Christmas tree at home always had ornaments bought from the store that were fancy and expensive. No fucking way would I ever have one that I made on there."

Esme looked over at me, " I think every tree needs to have homemade things, it makes it more homey."

" Everybody has their own ways of decorating."

" White or color lights." Alice asked as she put a glittery star ornament on the tree.

Bella climbed up the ladder, and I held onto her legs as she reached up to put an ornament on top.

" Always white."

" That's boring."

" Just because everything wasn't colorful and homemade doesn't mean it wasn't nice." I stated firmly.

" Let me guess, you had a gold tree skirt?" Emmett said.

I glared at him. " Fuck off."

" Boys, cut it out." Esme stated.

Bella stepped down the ladder a few steps until my head was at her neck, and I grabbed onto her tiny waist and set her down. She was lighter than a feather.

" Edward, you don't have to pick me up." she said quietly, leaning against my side.

" Why not?"

" Your family is right here."

" So that means I can't help you off a ladder because they are standing right here. Am I not allowed to hug you either? Kiss you?"

I wasn't into the whole kissing and making out in front of family, but I kissed Bella just to annoy her, and Alice was quietly giggling, and Emmett and Jasper were making face gag noises while Rosalie and Esme said their little 'aww'. When I pulled away I kept my hand behind her neck.

" I love you."

Her cheeks were slightly red, " I love you, too...But goddamnit stop dazzling me like that."

" Do I dazzle you?"

" Yeah, all the time, and you do it when you want something." she stated, grabbing another ornament.

" Maybe Edward did pick up the Cullen charm!" Alice piped.

" Or the Masen dazzle."

" Masen dazzle? Trust me; nobody in my fucking family could dazzle anyone."

" Well, he does have the Cullen charm, nobody can deny that."

" Edward is not charming." Bella scoffed.

I looked over in her direction, and she was smirking at me. " Liar."

" Charming? The guy who uses the word, excuse my language, 'fuck' in almost every damn sentence."

" Well look at you! You say damn, fuck, shit and everything else, Miss. Colorful."

" Whatever, you are a bad influence on me."

" Oh, shut up Bella! You have been a sailor since I met you."

" I have not!"

" I've heard it, too." Rose agreed.

" Oh, yeah, just pick on the weak one, guys."

" Or the inexperienced one."

I glared at Emmett, " Cut that shit out."

" Bella here maybe just needs some tips."

" Emmett Cullen! You knock that off right now. Bella and Edward's private life is absolutely none of our business in any way, and leave Bella alone about it!" Carlisle stated.

" Sorry, dad."

" I am not the one to apologize to."

" Sorry, Bella. But why do I have to apologize to-"

Esme glared.

" Sorry, Edward. There, happy? Let's just finish this tree up, I am starving."

I knew that there were huge cinnamon rolls cooking in the oven, even though Esme had already made a bit of breakfast. The cinnamon smell wafted through the house, yeah, I'm pretty sure I heard Bella's stomach growling for one across the room.

Once the tree had all of the ornaments placed on top, Alice hopped up on the ladder to put on the angel, and once she was on, and plugged in, we all stood back to look at the tree.

" I've never seen a Christmas tree like that before, it's awesome." Bella said.

" I love Christmas." Alice sighed.

Everybody else agreed and the oven timer went off. We were able to pack up a few bins, but we still had a lot of garland, lights, stockings and other Christmas decorations to put up. When the cinnamon rolls were on the table steaming, Bella went for it before Emmett got to them. She grabbed the biggest one, and sat down proudly. I asked her if she wanted a fork, and she refused. My girl was digging into it the right way.

I sat next to her with my coffee, smiling as she took every bite and enjoyed it fully. Emmett had two on his plate, and Rosalie and Alice split one, and Carlisle and Esme had their own. Once Bella had gotten down to the last part, the very middle and the best part she ripped it in half, ate the one half and the other was in my direction. I ate it off her fingers and licked them clean, which drove her crazy by the hazy lust in her eyes as she watched me. I finished swallowing the bite and she got up to clean her plate, washed her hands really quick and sat down next to me, sliding her hand over the inside of my upper thigh.

Fuck. I knew she did this shit on purpose.

Her hand moved and massaged, and it took everything in me not to just let loose of all the pent up frustration and take her over the table. I fought back any noise, and just sipped my coffee.

" Hey, uh, Bella?" Jasper said.

She didn't stop her little...whatever the fuck it was but felt amazing.

" Yeah?"

" You really aren't hiding the fact that you are touching Edward's thigh like that."

Everybody at the table just froze, and Bella moved her hand.

" Real nice, Jasper, real nice." I mumbled.

He smirked and finished the last of his cinnamon roll, and when he stood up, patted my back lightly.

" No problem, dude. Anytime."

**Authors Note- Alright, next chapter, I promise, stuff going on. I obviously had to have the Thanksgiving and decorating stuff going on, but it kind of got long, and I didn't want to leave everybody with an endless chapter.**

**I didn't get to respond to reviews this time around, things have been super super busy around here, but starting this upcoming weekend I am going to be having a lot of free time to write for DITD, and work on my new story, so big hopes for that, alrighty?**

**I love you guys for being patient with me, and next chapter...Watch out.**

**Review!**


	32. Choices

**Authors Note- I hope that you all had a good Holiday weekend; a very Happy Easter to everybody is you have celebrated it!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

The month of November was soon over after celebrating Thanksgiving, and on the 30th, all of us celebrated Carlisle's forty fifth Birthday, which was an exciting event. The Cullen's didn't have anything too crazy going on, at least, not out of the ordinary for them. Carlisle had a few close colleague's there, along with a little bit of his family, which was his older and only sibling, his brother Stefan, and his wife Makenna, along with their seventeen year old daughter Carmen.

Naturally, when I was around twenty one, their daughter Carmen shamelessly hit on me, and she was only like fourteen at the time, well when she showed up at the Cullen home on Carlisle's Birthday, wearing the skimpiest dress she could pull off for such cold weather, she was surprised upon seeing Bella standing next to me in all her beauty.

Bella teased me the entire night about it, asking me if I had a thing for jailbait. When we got back to my apartment I showed her that she was the only one for me.

Over all, the day was good, and everybody enjoyed themselves. Esme had made a huge dinner, and there were many different hors'doeuvres of every kind. I found Bella eating chocolate covered strawberries more than once.

When the beginning of December came along, Esme's Birthday was going to be on the fourteenth, so I had another Birthday to take care of and other then that, I was focusing mostly on school and work. I'd been thinking a lot about my mother also, and staring at that card that she'd given me. My time was running out, and I didn't know what to do. I'd talked to Bella about it, and she encouraged me to do what I thought was right.

I wanted answers.

I wanted to know why she left.

And so many other things.

Tonight I had my class, and was done at the hospital by four, and then went to class, which was three long hours. I'd been really tired recently, and the stress of everything made it worse. I drove tiredly through the streets of Seattle, shoving chunk of sweet and sour chicken from its Chinese box into my mouth. I was fucking starving. I ended up finishing it before I even got to the apartment, and I was still starving.

When I got to the apartment, I got out of the car and headed up quickly, wanting to get out of the rain and cold. I jingled my keys for a moment at the door, grabbing the small silver one and put it into the lock, opening the door. Once the door swung open, I froze.

Christmas threw up in my apartment.

There was a tall, but skinny, tree in the corner near the television, strung with lights upon lights that were both white and colored lights, along with a small silver sparkly star on top, and a red tree skirt, with gold and green embroidery printed on it, with fancy ornaments that were all ball shaped, some were shiny, others were a simple color, either burgundy or dark green, with gold glitter designs on them. The tree looked like something out of a magazine it was so perfect.

In the kitchen, on the way top of the cabinets, there was garland up there, with lights twisted with it, and there were red and green candles lit in the crook of the counter near the sink, with a small poinsettia bouquet, and the candles were scattered around it. On the coffee table there was also more Christmas candles and poinsettia, that were on top of a red, green, white and gold striped table runner.

" Hey." I heard a quiet, timid voice say.

I looked over and saw Bella leaning against the wall by the hallway, a slight smile on her face, but looking like she wanted to pick up my reaction to all of this.

" Did you do this?"

" I hope you don't mind. I mean, you and Jasper said that you guys don't really have time, so...My dad wasn't really planning on doing anything, and we had a few little things I figured I could bring over."

" Mind? Bella this is...Thank you so much for doing all this, it looks beautiful."

She smiled and walked over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. I kissed the top of her head and she looked up at me. I rested my hand on her lower back and the other on her hip, moving in small circular motions.

" Are you sure it's alright?"

" It's perfect."

" Good...I made some dinner. It's just some pasta with mushrooms and sauce."

" Mm, sounds good. I feel like we're an old married couple."

She laughed, " Why?"

" I come home, dinner is made and the house is all nice and done up."

" That doesn't mean _old_ married couple."

" Fine, married couple."

Bella leaned up and kissed me softly, " Oh, yeah, married. You know that means regular sex?"

I rolled my eyes at her and gave her ass a swift smack as I went into the kitchen; she smacked me back, much harder than I smacked her because it sounded like the crack of a damn firework. I playfully glared at her and rubbed the spot where she smacked as she smirked at me.

" Mr. Edward No-Ass Masen."

" Not bootylicious enough for you, sunshine?" I asked with a returned smirk as I shook my ass in her direction.

She shook her head, smiling, and I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind, moving her hair to the other side to kiss her neck. Her body melted back into me and I smiled and kissed her cheek before letting her go.

" You're terrible."

" That's why you love me." I said, getting out plates for dinner, just as I did, Jasper popped in, eyes wide when he took in all of the Christmas decorations and candles that were everywhere. He set his bag down on the couch, continuing to look around.

" Holy Christmas."

Bella laughed, " Is that good?"

" You did this? It looks awesome in here."

" Thanks! You hungry? I made some pasta with mushrooms."

" Yeah, sounds good. Thanks, Bella."

" No problem at all."

She set the pasta bowl in the middle of the table, and we all sat down and dug in, Bella also had garlic bread in another separate bowl, which was just divine. We talked a bit through dinner, mostly about Christmas and a bit about Bella's upcoming job, she was getting excited, and I could tell it by the way her eyes brightened when we talked about it.

It was easy conversation between us three, never awkward or weird in anyway and when we all had finished eating everything, Jasper and I cleaned up the dishes in thanks to Bella, and she then proceeded to pull a cherry pie out of the fridge.

And I think Jasper somewhat fell in fucking love with my girlfriend. The look of pure awe on his face the moment she pulled it out of the fridge was damn priceless. Jasper took a huge piece to his bedroom to hit the books and study, and eat the pie. Bella cut a piece to share for both of us and we went to the couch and flipped on the television.

I flipped through the channels while Bella fed me a bite of the pie, almost landing it right in my lap. I settled on Criminal Minds, which Bella also really didn't seem to mind. Once the pie was finished, Bella laid on her side with me behind her.

I distantly heard the voices on the television, but had a hard time even paying attention to the screen with so many other rushing thoughts going through my head. They were enough to give me a headache, and drive me insane. Bella seemed to take note of this.

" What are you thinking about?"

I looked at Bella, and she raised an eyebrow at me.

" I don't know what to do."

" Edward, you wanted answers, right? You have all of these questions that you want answers to, and you know that you need to get closure. I've heard you say it to me many times before. Maybe you should just give her a call, have dinner and see what will happen. Try and give it a shot. I really don't want you to pass up this chance to get answers, that she is willing to give, and have you regret it in the future, green eyes."

" Do you think I'll regret it?"

" I think a small part of you might." she said, turning around on the couch to lay on her back and look at me.

I sunk down further and rested my head in the crook of her neck, draping my arm around her waist. Her arms wrapped around me, and I felt her fingers run through my hair, gently tugging the strands.

" I fucking hate this feeling of being stuck."

" Give yourself time to fully think about it." she whispered.

For a long while Bella laid with me and we talked a word or two every few minutes, but she mostly just let us lay in silence, which was nice. Bella fell asleep for a short while, but around midnight she had to head off towards home. We stood in the doorway for a few minutes, and she let me give her a long, lingering kiss. She left me with a radiant smile which brightened everything up a little bit.

Once she was gone, I brushed my teeth and striped down to a wife beater and boxers. Once I laid on the mattress, everything was completely dark, quiet, and I was left alone in my thoughts to make what I could of them. For about ten minutes it was quiet, until my phone went off.

She called to tell me how much she loved me, and she wished me a good night one last time, assuring me that everything was going to be alright. Even after her short call, I was up for many hours, unable to shut my brain off from its constant rushing thoughts. It was all over thinking and desperately trying to find an answer to everything in my head.

' I really don't want you to pass up this chance to get answers, that she is willing to give, and have you regret it in the future, green eyes.'

I threw my covers off and grabbed my pack of cigarettes from the end table. I sat out on the fucking freezing stairs outside my window and smoked about three cigarettes before I came to a decision about what I really wanted to do. It was fucking cold outside, but the quiet helped, and by the end of the night I felt like everything was sorted out in my head a little better.

Bella's words rang throughout my head almost the entire night until I fell asleep around roughly three in the morning. I knew that in the morning I would be completely fucked having to get up, but I guess in a way it was still worth it. I thought a little bit about the ladder option, and decided to give it up.

I passed out at three, completely crashed into my mattress the moment that my body touched it. It was dark, quiet, and the tiredness had completely hit me like a ton of bricks. It hadn't been the longest sleep in the world, but it was definitely a hard sleep to say in the least.

I had called Bella in the morning, and we talked quietly for awhile while I tried to attempt a few more minutes of relaxing before doing anything. It still fucking baffled me how much devotion she showed towards me, it was incredible at times how much she was there for me during times like this.

After I had gotten ready and dressed, before I headed off to the hospital, I opened up my end table drawer and grabbed the business card that had been haunting me for days on end. I grabbed my cell phone and shakily dialed the number on there.

It was already eight in the morning, so I figured that she would probably be available at this time, and if she didn't answer, I wasn't sure if I would have this same courage to do it again, I already felt like I was going to throw up, and I didn't fucking think I could go through this again.

When I pressed the call button, I held the phone to my ear and paced the length of my bedroom, resisting the urge to hang up the phone before she answered. After about three rings, they cut off and I heard her familiar voice greet me.

" It's Edward." I stated.

" Oh, Edward...I wasn't sure you'd be calling."

" I-I want to talk before you leave." I said, slightly stuttering.

" Of course, that's what...I was hoping...Yes, we can maybe have dinner. I'm not sure what your schedule is."

" Saturday, at like six thirty. Bistro Italian on Pike's sound alright?"

" That'd be just fine, Edward."

" Alright, then."

Before I hung up, I heard her say my name. " Edward? Thanks for calling, thank you for giving me a chance." she whispered.

" I didn't do it for you; I did it for me."

~\\~

" Holy fuck! Are you okay?"

" I'm fucking fi-" I lurched forward once more.

" My god, Edward." she said, her hands on my shoulders, which I shrugged off.

All I saw was a white toilet bowl and some foam, which disgusted me. I'd been spending almost the entire day in the bathroom, at the hospital bathroom, library bathroom, and finally at the apartment. Jasper decided it would be fun to call Bella and tell her of my events.

I didn't want pity. Her's especially.

My stomach heaved more and coughed, a spout of stomach acid spilling out.

" So I can't comfort you now? Oh, what the fuck ever." Bella snapped.

My sides hurt like hell, and more foam spewed from my mouth. I coughed almost relentlessly until I would collapse against the wall for five minutes, and then get sick again. When my five minutes were up, then I was throwing up more. At one point, I felt myself struggling for breath when my stomach felt like it contracted, and the muscles tightened completely.

" Dude, do you want me to call Carlisle?"

" What about ' I am fucking fine' do you not get, Jasper?" I snapped. " You can call Bella, Carlisle, whatever the fuck, it won't change anything so knock it off."

" The fact that you are kneeling over a toilet and have been almost all day tells me that I should."

" Fuck off."

Another twist in my stomach lurched me forward once more, and Bella brushed past Jasper and handed me pills, familiar white pills. I glared at them, and looked over at Bella, who sighed and attempted a stern look.

I took both of the Xanax pills, and drank water to wash it down. Fuck it was hard stop, but my stomach calmed down after awhile and I went to lie down in my bed after brushing my teeth, laying on my side with my front towards the window.

" You stopped taking your pills." she stated.

" I don't want to talk about it."

" That's why you keep acting so on edge, Edward. This isn't you. And getting sick like that? That's not good for you, and I know you hate it, and I hate seeing you that way."

" Maybe it is me, who I am. I have to take fucking pills to be who I really am, huh, Bella?" I burst out, standing up to look at her.

" You know that's not what I am saying."

" Then what are you saying?"

" To take those goddamn pills so you don't feel like shit, because when you feel like it, it makes you act this way. This angry person, who talks like you are right now, isn't the man that I fell in love with."

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger.

" Maybe seeing your mother isn't a good idea anymore."

" You said-"

" I didn't _say _anything other than I don't want you to regret not doing it, but to do what you feel is right for you in the end. Don't you _dare_ blame me, Edward."

I paused for a moment, realizing that I was about to blame Bella for something that she had nothing to do with. She was right. I took a deep breath and shook my head, wanting to know what the fuck was wrong with me.

" I don't...It's not your fault; I know that, Bella." I said softly.

" Please don't do this if you know it will hurt you so much more in the end, Edward. You've been so much happier, and I don't want that progress to disappear." she said, staring straight into my eyes.

" I'm fucking scared out of my mind right now...But I know what I have to do in order to fix some part of this."

Bella half-ran to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I moved her arms to wind around my neck and I wrapped my arms around her waist, picking her up so that her feet were no longer touching the floor. Her legs wound around my waist and I sat back on the bed, leaning against the headboard.

Her fingers ran through my hair, and I felt her lips press against my temple. I rested my head on her shoulder and held her as closely as I could without hurting her.

" I'm here, no matter what. I am always going to be right here for you."

" I know that."

" Then don't ever forget it, okay? I love you, more than anything." She murmured before finally pressing her lips to mine.

~\\~

For many days I was trying to fight the fucking awful nausea, and I felt awful that Bella felt the need to call me in the morning to remind me to take my pills. She was worried about me to say in the least, as was Carlisle who kept checking in on me and giving little pep talks when he felt the moment was necessary. He didn't tell me what to do, he just told me that with the decision I made, that I would have to find the positive with it.

He told me that if the anxiety got bad, or I just started to feel shitty during the dinner, to walk away and call either him or Bella. I knew that, no offence to Carlisle, Bella would be the first one to dial. She's always had something about her that was able to calm me down no matter what the situation. The moment I would hear her voice, or feel her near me or her hands holding mine, I knew that everything was going to be alright; everything would be fine. It's fucking cheesy, but true as hell.

I took an extra pill in the morning than usual, because it seemed to be helping a-fuck-lot with the anxiety, and Bella and I were going to head out to lunch, because tonight, I was going to be having dinner with my mother. I did the shift at the library from seven to two, and pawned off the rest of my hours to Jenn, even though I told her that I wasn't interested in a relationship with her because of Bella, she still would go out of her damn way to do everything if I needed something at work, which, I guess it looked like I took advantage of that, but I never did it on purpose to mess with her fucking head or any shit like that.

I found Bella in a small corner booth at Cafe Nola. She had on a dark blue sweater that clung to her tiny figure and dark wash skinny jeans that were tucked into a pair of black leather boots. Her sweater was a little bit longer, and it hit her collarbone.

But it was all different.

Where the fuck was her hair?

Replacing her usual long flowing curls was a haircut that was shorter, and was about an inch below her collarbone, and was straightened. She still had her side bangs, and there were shorter layers, with a little bit of volume in the back, but nothing crazy.

With her dark smoky eyes, I could admit that Bella looked sexy. Just downright fucking sexy, and had more sophistication and a little older, as in her age, not that she ever looked childish with long hair. When I walked over to see her, she stood up and I wrapped her up in my arms for a hug.

" Hey, you." she murmured.

" You look absolutely beautiful, my Bella." I said, kissing her forehead.

She smiled and pulled away from me, letting me take my coat off and slide into the booth. I pulled her to my side momentarily and felt her hair, which was as silky as usual.

" Do you like it?"

" I do, very much. You always look beautiful to me though."

Bella pecked my lips and slid over to her side of the booth, and I looked over the menu. The waitress got my drink, and soon we ordered our food. Bella got the Butternut Squash Ravioli and I got the Eggplant Parmesan.

I took the cherry from my drink and bit it off, setting the stem on my napkin.

" How are you?" I asked her.

" Mm, good. How are you feeling?"

" I'm fine."

I felt her hand take mine over the table, and I rubbed my thumb into the palm of her hand; making small circles. She took a sip of her coke and leaned forward, watching me with what looked like curiosity in her eyes.

" Something wrong?"

" You didn't shave today."

I ran my hand roughly over my jaw, " Do you prefer I shave?" I asked with a chuckle.

" No, I like it. Ruggedly handsome."

I rolled my eyes and she giggled quietly, lifting our entwined hands to touch my face with her fingers, feeling the slight stubble on my jaw before setting out hands back down.

" Want some stubble burn, babe?" I asked her in a quiet voice.

Bella's head snapped up and her eyes met mine playfully.

" Maybe later."

I smirked at her. " Oh, yeah?"

" Mhm." she hummed, tapping her nails on the table while keeping that ever present smile on her face.

" So is that a definite yes?"

" Of course it is...So, hey, what are you planning on doing for Christmas Eve?"

" Probably with the family as usual, you?"

" Well...Uhm...Look, my dad's friend Billy, remember we talked about him briefly, he was Jacob's dad?"

For a moment it flew over my head, then I remembered. Yeah, the fucking dog that got handsy with my girlfriend.

" What about them?"

" Every year they come over to my dad's house for Christmas Eve. I usually cook dinner and they are just hanging out...I was wondering if maybe you would like to spend Christmas Eve with us, maybe?"

Her voice was so timid and so hesitant sounding that it was downright fucking adorable.

" Of course I would." I replied.

Her eyes brightened and she smiled. " Really?"

" Why wouldn't I? I mean, I've had my fair share of dinner with the Cullen's for Christmas Eve, and I happen to love you and want to spend time with you, so why not."

" Jacob will be there, Edward. So please don't get all...protective animal on me. He still tries to flirt with me and act kind of inappropriate, but don't let it get to you, alright?"

" Mm, I make no promises, sunshine."

" Edward, I-"

" Shh, I won't get all 'protective animal' on you, I'm just going to show that kid who Isabella Swan's boyfriend is, and make it very clear, that you belong to me and nobody else."

" So I'm a belonging?"

" In a sense yes. You belong to me, I belong to you, and it's all the same."

" So if I slid over to your side of the booth, and started just making out with you right here, because that bitch a few booths down is devouring you with her eyes, I'm allowed to do that because you belong to me?"

" Sure can, babe." I said, playfully winking at her and squeezing our clasped hands.

Soon our food came and I think Bella was just as starving as I was because we were devouring our food with barely a word between us. All of the food I've ever had here was always really good, and Bella seemed to also be enjoying herself.

Once we had finished the waitress took our plates and went to get the bill. Bella insisted on trying to pay, but I shoved a few bills into the little booklet, and Bella put a few bucks on the table for a tip. I rolled my eyes at her and stood up, grasping her hand. Instead, I felt her arm wrap around my lower waist and her thumb hook into the loop of my slacks. I slung my arm across her shoulders and she leaned into me. The weather was dreadful, it was down pouring and a few grumbles from the sky emitted in that moment.

" Where are you planning on going?"

" Back to apartment for a bit, you?"

" Home. I've got to do some cleaning." she murmured against my chest.

" Okay, well...I'll call you after, or during if something is going on, alright?"

She looked up at me. " I love you. And everything will be alright, okay?"

" I know. I love you, too."

Bella's lips locked mine in a kiss, and I could taste her sweet breath in my mouth. When she released me she kissed my jaw, smiled and started making a mad dash towards her car, leaving me to watch after her. Before getting into her car, she looked back at me, smiling despite her hair and clothes soaked. I smiled back at her and she hopped in.

I ran towards my Volvo and got quickly in, damp clothes and hair dripping. I ran my hand through my hair and started up the car, brushing my hand over the bridge of my nose to catch the water droplets.

When I got to the apartment I almost immediately headed for the shower. I took my time in the hot water, and found myself wishing Bella was here with me, warm water and Bella together in one sounded nice. Once I finished showering I got out and wrapped a towel around my waist. I went to my bedroom and locked the door. The place we were going to was a bit nicer. I just dressed in black slacks, my leather shoes, belt, and a light blue button up with one button undone and tucked into my pants.

To kill some time, I cracked open a few Medical books that Carlisle had given me from his study. I've been leafing through chapter after chapter, and it honestly was doing me more good being informed about things, and getting down to the minor details. When five came around, I took two more Xanax, letting them get into my system now rather than later.

Eventually I shut the books and found myself pacing, and when six o' clock hit Bella called on the dot. After a short conversation and her assurance, I walked out the apartment door.

I can't always live my life always backing down.

**Authors Note- Next chapter is going to be a big one. And it will for sure we posted sometime next week early, or sometime this upcoming weekend. Thanks for the review, I am replying to all of them now, so let me know your thoughts.**

**Review!**


	33. Put Off Conversations

**Authors Note- Hello everybody. This is a pretty emotionally rocky chapter, so I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

I walked into the restaurant at promptly six twenty. My reservations were already made under Masen, and I figured that my mother would know that when they asked her. The place was not rather busy, and had a pretty calm aura which I thought was suitable. The hostess looked at me and I gave her my name and she let me to a table. Nervously, I sat down and waited while the waiter came by to get my order. I asked for scotch, and figured that it would calm me down a bit. Vodka tempted me, but I was going to go there.

It's more of a romantic restaurant, with candlelight's and flowers on the tables, but I knew that it wouldn't be loud and crazy so I knew that it would be my best bet. I knew that Bella would love it here. She told me stories of how she grew up eating a lot of Italian cuisine because of her Italian bloodline, her grandmother especially on her father's side, she even taught Bella a little bit of Italian language before she passed away.

I drowned one scotch by the time six thirty hit exactly, and had the waiter get me more, three was going to be my tops. I tapped my leg nervously and almost felt myself break a sweat before I took a deep breath to calm myself down.

Everything was going to be okay, I assured myself many times. I chanted it in my head until I believed it, and by that time hit, I heard the tapping of heals on the floor. I sat up straight and looked up to meet her gaze. She gave me a small smile and murmured a quiet 'hello', and I stood up and pulled her chair out for her. She was surprised in the least.

If there was one thing that she did teach me, was to be a gentlemen in the presence of ladies, and I guess this wasn't going to be an exception. I went to sit in my chair, and she sat across from me. This was probably the single most stressful moment of my life; seeing her sitting across from me after so many years.

" I'm so happy you're here." she told me, looking me straight in the eyes.

" Yeah..."

" Edward, I don't ever want to hurt you. I know how much I hurt you when I left, but I never wanted you to think that I didn't love you. I left because I loved you, and I wanted you to have a chance."

" No, you left for yourself." I corrected lightly.

Hurt flashed in her eyes.

" I'm not an idiot. I can see that weird look in your eyes when you look at me; because I look like my father did. Identical almost, and I know you hate seeing it. Imagine looking at it every day, the person who ruined your life from the moment they were able to take a hit."

The waiter came just at that time, and she ordered a glass of red wine for herself, and he set himself right off, probably sensing the tense air between us.

" I don't hate seeing it. It's just amazing how much you look alike to him, and I couldn't ever label you or think less of you because of how much you look like your father. It doesn't define you, and it never has."

She watched me slowly as I took a drink of my scotch.

" Why are you in Seattle?"

" Your great-grandfather Nicholas, on my side? Well, my grandpa died when you were very young, maybe four years old at the time, and his cousin, who I've only been in contact with maybe once or twice, passed away a short while ago. He had the contract of everything for Grandfather Nicholas's mansion, and I am that last one in the family for the house to be passed down to. If I was no longer here it would go to you, but anyways, I was contacted, and now since I am his granddaughter now the house belongs to me, and I had to come down here to tie up loose ends about the house."

She probably wouldn't have expected me to remember, but I did remember my great-grandfather Nicholas, he lived in a Victorian neighborhood, very nice, but a little creepy in some ways. His house was tall and Victorian styled, obviously. I remembered the grey siding that always looked haunting, but it was very nice to me in some way. I actually remembered painting Easter eggs there one year.

" Did we have Easter with him one year?" I asked.

A smile lit up her face. " We did, every year since you were born. You were his only great-grandchild, and he adored you to pieces. He was the first one to sit you on the piano chair, besides your grandpa on your father's side."

I nodded in understanding.

When the waiter came by, we gave him our orders quickly. I'd gotten the Pollo Arrosto, and my mother had gotten the Filetto di Manzo. Our menus were taken and soon the conversation was resumed once more.

" I never, ever, would have thought that Ed would have been abusive..."

I said nothing.

" I loved your father for his pure gentleness, and how kind he was. He treated me like I was the queen of England. And the moment he found out that I was pregnant with you, he was the happiest man I'd ever seen in my entire life. He would take the pictures from the ultrasound and show them to everybody at the firm, and every night he would insist on reading to my stomach. Edward, he loved you so much before he even met you. They say most men don't become fathers until the baby is born, but he was the moment he found out."

" When you were born, you were his entire world. In fact, he insisted on getting up in the middle of the night to feed you, and after he got home from work he would insist that I take a break. He was so happy when your first word was 'Da da'."

To me, it was very hard to believe that this man existed in the first place. I wondered what was so wrong with me that I eventually just wasn't good enough for him. I cast a look down at my lap and took a deep breath.

" I think at first, it was the piano that set him off, and how eventually, when you were around three, you were taking a little bit more to me. When you made a little fall you came right to me and always cried for me, and I think he got jealous. He wanted to have control of you in a way that I didn't understand at the time. I noticed that he would start grabbing you a little too rough, and hated when I corrected him on it. When I saw bruises on your little arms, that's when I confronted him about it. He got very, very angry."

I never remembered him grabbing me as a kid. Hell, I forgot the time that he apparently treated me like I was his world and loved me. I never thought he loved me, and his actions spoke volumes. But what she had said made sense; he did want to control me. He wanted all of the control.

" He went on about the piano, and wanted me to get it out of the house. You see, when your father was a child, his father wanted him to play, but Ed never picked it up. I think he was jealous of how proud your grandpa was of you. I remember him yelling at me about babying you and how you have to be treated like a man. I thought it was ridiculous, you were only just little at the time."

" And then when he got laid off from the firm, everything went downhill, as you remember. I tried so many times to make it better, but I never was able to get it under control. I tried having you stay at my good friends for her to watch you, the lady I would have tea with...But I did that once and Ed got so very angry. I very well couldn't quit work, or we would have lost the house. I was stuck."

" I don't know how an innocent child had to do with it. When you got older he only got worse with you, and I hated patching you up, and having to use makeup on your face so it looked like you weren't hurt. Edward it hurt me so much seeing what he did to you, and being able to do absolutely nothing about it was even worse."

" Why didn't you ever stand up to him?"

She looked at me, a weird look in her eyes. I wanted an answer. Of course, she tried to stand up to him, but never had I seen her look him straight in the eye and do something about it. I knew she was scared of him, even when she made a small noise he would get angry at her, but she was never loud and vocal, or trying to yell at him about it to get his full attention, making him realize how wrong it all was.

He'd always threatened to hurt her if she did anything, and I've never seen him actually hurt her. I knew the night he died he was trying to hurt her, and that's why she killed him. It was a self-defense case, that's what the file said and I'd even seen it myself.

" Edward..." she said so quietly, and I saw tears welling up in her eyes.

" I know he threatened to hurt you. But why didn't you ever just..._say _something." I said in a low voice.

" I thought you knew, Edward. Sweetheart."

I started wracking my mind for anything. If he ever touched her, and I remembered hearing yelling in their bedroom, maybe a small sound of something, but nothing that I ever saw evidence of in my entire life that he hit her. She never walked oddly, or showed signs of being hit with any bruises, I never noticed.

He would always threaten.

Suddenly, a clear voice rang out in my head from memory…

_~\\~_

_Voice Flashback_

_~\\~_

_" SHUT UP, ELIZABETH."_

_" Stop fucking crying about it."_

_" You make this so fucking hard when you won't fucking shut up and stay still."_

_" If you would keep your damn mouth shut none of this shit would happen in the first place!"_

_" Bitch! Let the fuck go!_

_~\\~_

_End Voice Flashback_

_~\\~_

I felt absolutely sick to my stomach at that moment.

He'd raped her. The proof was always there.

When she would say something, that's how he would hurt her. He always said that he would beat her, threats that I thought were empty, and I felt stupid for not understanding it. He always did fucking follow through. My stomach lurched and twisted in my stomach, and I felt a sweat finally break out on my forehead. I couldn't stand the feeling.

" Oh my god."

" Edw-"

" Excuse me."

I was in the bathroom before I could fathom another thought. I threw up violently in the toilet, it was all bile and stomach acid. My hands were shaking and my body felt tingly all over the place. I let out a shuddering breath and felt more bile rising in my throat. Once I felt I was finished, I sat down on the hard linoleum floor.

I couldn't believe that he'd done that to her, and it made me absolutely sick to think about it.

I ran my hands over my face after wiping my mouth. On shaky and unstable legs, I went to the sink. A man was staring at me with sympathy in his eyes, and I didn't look him in the eye or respond to his look of pity. He scampered out of the room, and I bent down to rinse out my mouth and splash my face with cool water.

I patted my face dry with the supplied paper towels and looked at myself in the mirror.

I heard something between a feeble cry and a sob escape my mouth. I felt like my chest was constricting and I couldn't breathe. I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself to calm down and try to take deep breaths. There was no way that I was going back out there looking like this much of a mess.

After a few minutes of standing in the bathroom, alone, I decided that I couldn't hide out here forever like a little girl.

When I got back to the table, the food had been served. I didn't even want to look at it at the moment. I took my seat, my gaze anywhere but on my mother.

" He never got to do anything to me, Edward. The night...that I killed him...he almost did. Remember how mornings were always very bad after he would hurt you? It's because he never got his way." she said quietly.

I let out a breath and felt myself relax only slightly.

" He scared me so much, but eventually he would leave me alone and go out to the bar to drink."

Whenever I heard them yell, it was always followed by the front door slamming twenty minutes afterwards. It was something I always remembered.

" Did you get sick just now? You're pale and flushed."

" I'm fine, and yes."

" Oh, Edward..."

" Do you know how hard it is for me to even look at you?"

" I'm so sorry."

" After he shrugged me aside, I needed you. When he started abusing me, I needed you even more...And when I was in the hospital, I needed you more than anything else in my life, and you left me there. I was scared to death of everything around me, or all the foreign men that would come in and prod at me. I was fucking scared of my life, scared for my life. I wanted to die, and I still feel like that sometimes. Do you have any fucking clue what it was like when Dr. Cullen took me in...I had to stop myself from running when he had to tend to all my fucking injuries."

" How bad was it?"

" Don't you mean how bad it is? I still have the fucking scars. All over my body, and for some fucked up reason my girlfriend doesn't care."

She wasn't fazed by my sudden hostile attitude.

" Edward, I had things to get over myself. I was still very fragile from everything I'd dealt with in that environment; I was just as scared as you were. For a long while I was in therapy trying to find a way to deal with the fear of everything around me, I needed time to heal from that life I had."

" Really? I'm sorry to say, but you weren't put through the brutal beatings from him. And having to get up the next day, go to school, and clean the fucking house because nobody else could do it while he was out getting drunk and you were working."

" I never wanted that life for you."

" Well I got that life, and I don't blame anybody for it besides him. I just can't understand how you could leave me. You went through how many years dealing with how he abused me...both of us...and the time that I need you the most, you fucking bail? The time where I was at my worst, when I needed that one person who was always there, and I thought would always be there? It was unbearable."

" Edward, I'm so sorry."

" And then you go off and get married to some guy in Chicago, and move on like I never even existed. How could you do that to me? You couldn't pick up a goddamn phone while I was in the hospital?"

I felt myself starting to lose it and I paused and stared at her.

" I've never forgotten you a day in my life...And Garrett has helped me deal with everything so much more better, and I am pretty sure that your own mate is doing the same for you."

She was right in that aspect.

" You never answered my question."

" It was so hard for me after I left you. I just...Edward, I couldn't do it. But after a few years, I tried looking for you. But you were around twenty when I started trying, and even though I knew it was pointless, I called adoption agencies, I called so many foster cares. Then I tried group homes and everything else I could until I figured that you were out there somewhere and that could be anywhere. I called probably every hospital in the state of Washington. I didn't know where you could have been so I gave it up because of all the stress it was causing."

" But I won't sit here and tell you I completely regret leaving you."

My gaze snapped up. " Excuse me?"

" I think you needed a good family to show you how much they love you, and how much they could love you. Dr. Cullen...He's a very kind and gentle man and I think that you needed that in your life after all of the trauma you've gone through. I don't know much of him though. Do you have any other family members?"

" Alice and Emmett. Alice is younger, Emmett is older."

She nodded, " And Dr. Cullen and his wife? They treat you good."

I scoffed with a smirk, " Too good sometimes."

" You deserve it. Edward, you deserve the life you got after everything with your father. And I want to be in your life, in any way that you will have me."

" I need time to deal with everything."

There were so many thoughts in my mind right now.

I felt worse about myself in the sense that my father wanted me, and soon after just dropped me just because I felt a little more partial to my mother. If I hadn't fucking acted like that as a kid, it would have never triggered his anger towards me and my mother. I felt guilty, because technically, I had caused it to go off.

There was no reason for any of it to happen if it weren't for mistakes, and while I knew I was a kid, and he was an adult and acted that way, I couldn't help the guilt from flooding in. It hit me with an overwhelming sense of it, and there was no way to fight it.

Everything was hard to take in, the fact that she had tried to do best by my by leaving and wanting me to start over, as well as herself. In a way, I could understand, but there was still that part of me that I knew would forever blame her and be angry, because there was nothing that could have done to change it now.

I couldn't sit and say that I would trust her now. There was no way. I carried the scars, and now the guilt of everything. Everything emotionally ate me alive, and there was no escape. I was trapped in this fucked up game that I refer to as my life.

In an instant I found myself wishing that Bella were here.

I'd barely much touched my dinner by the time our check came, I put my debit in there and the guy went off.

" I don't want you to blame yourself for anything."

Just then my phone went off, signaling a text. When I looked at the screen I saw it was Bella, I gave my mother a look before looking at the text that she had sent me.

_Hey, let me know how you're doing, it's been two hours_

_I've been going insanely crazy with worry_

_I love you,_

_-B_

I smiled and replied to her text, a little bit surprised that it's been two hours.

_Everything is...fine. I am heading back to_

_the apartment in a few minutes._

_I love you,_

_-E_

" Can I meet her one day?"

I looked up slowly, " Maybe."

The waiter came back and I got my debit card back. The tip was already added into the bill, and I stood up, as did my mother, I pushed my chair in and stood awkwardly, not knowing exactly what to do at the moment. She stood, her jacket buttoned up nicely.

Maybe we didn't say everything we wanted to, but the main points were hit.

She opened her arms just slightly, and I felt my anxiety spike for a moment. I stepped into her arms and hugged her. She smelled the same, but her touch didn't calm me like it used to. It felt foreign and weird. I felt awkward hugging her, and forced myself not to shift around or move from her hold.

" You've grown into a beautiful young man." she murmured as she pulled away and looked me in the eyes straight on, " And I always knew that you would be a doctor."

" I'm working on it." I stated quietly, letting her walk in front of me out of the restaurant.

We said goodbye outside, and parted out ways. Just like it was supposed to be. I got into the Volvo and leaned with my head against the seat, taking a deep long breath. I started up the car and pulled out of my spot and hopped on the road only few minutes after that.

I didn't go to the apartment, instead I was bee lining for Bella's house. When I pulled up, the outside was dark, but there was light in their living room. The clock told me that it was eight thirty, and I got out of the car and slammed the door shut, wanting to be with her as soon as I could.

When I got to the front door, it opened before I could knock once on it. Charlie stood there, raising an eyebrow at me.

" Can I see Bella?" I asked him.

He gave a nod and opened the front door fully. I went upstairs without much of a word besides a 'thank you'. When I got to her bedroom door it was firmly shut, and I opened it quietly and was met with darkness. Bella was curled up in her bed, and I saw Jo-Jo lying at her feet.

For a moment I watched her quietly, seeing her smooth features and slight smile on her face. As quietly as I could, I slipped my jacket off my shoulders and my shoes followed that. I sat down on the edge of her bed and turned my body around to lay next to her, slowly moving her into a spooning position

It must have caught her by surprise because she jerked slightly before turning around and looking at me, her fingers brushing the hair near my face away from my eyes.

" Hey, how are you doing?"

" Shh, go back to sleep." I whispered shakily.

" No, what's going on?" she replied. " Edward, are you crying? Fuck, tell me what happened."

I sat against her headboard and gathered her up in my arms. She sat on my lap with one hand on my chest and the other cupping my jaw.

" It's all my fault. If I wouldn't have turned to my mother it would have never happened. And he tried to rape her, and that's why he's dead. He loved me before I went and fucked it up."

" Baby, what are you talking about?"

" When I was a kid...Bella she said that he fucking adored me, but when I was getting a little older I got more partial towards her when I got hurt or something happened I would go to her, and I got closer to her. And he didn't like that, and it made him jealous and upset. And then when he was laid off from his job, on top of that he started drinking and that's why he beat me. He wanted to control me. If I never fucking did that to him he would have never hurt me, or tried to hurt my mother. It's all my fault."

" Edward, you were an innocent little child. It wasn't your fault that you started becoming closer with your mom. Sweetheart, you were just a little boy, you didn't know. It's not your fault, Edward, please don't say it was when it wasn't. Your father didn't understand it, okay? When kids get older sometimes they get really close and favor one of the parents, especially when they spend a lot of time with them."

I shook my head at her and I felt her arms wrapping around me.

" She said she didn't fully regret leaving me. She said that she thought a new family was what I needed."

" I think you needed the love of a family, too, Edward."

" She couldn't just pick up a phone. Fuck, Bella...Knowing it just fucking hurts so bad."

Bella buried her face in my neck and ran her fingers through my hair.

" I know it hurts, Edward. I know."

I felt her forehead lean against mine and she braided our fingers together. She pressed our clasped hands to her chest over her heart and kissed my lips softly.

" It's okay." she said. " Everything will be okay, I promise you."

" You can't promise that."

" I just did."

I felt her kiss one of my fallen tears and I sighed. What kind of excuse of a man was I?

" Fuck what kind of man do I call myself?"

" Nobody can be strong all the time. It's okay to break down sometimes."

Bella moved our position and laid half sitting up against the headboard, and I rested my head on her stomach, feeling her fingers weaving through my hair. I rested my left hand on her hip and had my free arm around her waist.

" Hey, Bells, pulling an all-nighter. I'm headin' out, love you."

" You, too, dad. Be safe."

" Always am."

When the door shut, I heard Bella turn on the television, and since it was in my view I took to the noise and watched it. She put on some vampire show, and suddenly what I saw on the television were two people going at it like fucking rabbits, and it was graphic as hell.

The room was quiet besides the graphic noise of the television, and I was kind of surprised that my little Bella liked to watch this shit, honestly?

I looked at Bella, who was staring intently at the screen.

" Why do you watch this?"

" It's a good show. Too graphic?"

" Not for me, what about you?

" I'm not all that innocent, Edward. It's not like I haven't seen it before. I'm not a little girl."

With a shrug I rolled around to rest my head on her pillow next to the one she was using. I felt the bed shift, and out of the corner of my eye I watched Bella. She slowly slid her jeans down her smooth, creamy legs. Once she tossed her jeans aside she stripped off her t-shirt and unhooked her bra, leaving herself in only a pair of blue lace boy shorts. Her back as exposed to me. She bent over for something, and I saw her slip one of those thin cotton, off the shoulder nightgowns. It only hung off one shoulder, and just hit mid thigh.

She ran her fingers through her hair a few times before coming back over to sit on the bed. I could feel her kneeling behind me, and I looked back at her, seeing a mysterious look in her eye. I sat up, level with her before she pressed her lips to mine. I rested my hand on her cheek, and Bella leaned into the kiss more deeply. I softly sucked on her bottom lip before I felt her tongue slip into my mouth. Her tongue caressed mine, and tempted me even further. Every single thought flew out of my head, and all I could focus on was her.

Her hands ran up the length of my back and one hand disappeared into my hair and the other on my back, pressing us even closer, her chest flush against mine. I slid my free hand down her waist, over her hip and to her thigh, and moved back up again to her waist. I moved my tongue to touch the roof of her mouth, and along her teeth, making her moan deeply.

I laid back and felt Bella's hands all over me, her mouth never leaving mine. I moved my hand back up her thigh and took her little gown with it, feeling the silky skin of her back on my fingertips. I moved my hand around to her waist, and Bella had her hands already working the buttons on my shirt, and once it was done she tugged it completely from my slacks, having to give it a good pull. I laughed quietly at her, and she laughed with me before tossing it off and continuing to laugh quietly against my lips.

We lost ourselves in kissing and small touching, not exactly going for any more tonight, after awhile of heated kissing and touching Bella had collapsed next to me panting and adjusting her nightgown.

" I love kissing you." she sighed.

I looked over at her, " Oh, really?"

" Oh, yeah."

I locked her in my arms and kissed her lips again, reveling in the feeling of her soft lips. She smiled and kissed me back.

" I love you, green eyes."

" I love you, too, babe."

I kissed her chastely once before laying on my back. She curled up on my chest, still catching her breath for a moment before becoming mostly quiet in my arms. That was, of course, before she started moving around. She laid on her back and I laid next to her, resting my head on her chest with my arm around her tiny waist.

She sighed contently and buried her face in my neck. I held her delicately in my arms, and reached for her remote, turning the television off to leave us in quiet darkness.

" You smell really good."

I chuckled quietly, " Yeah?"

" Mhm."

Bella moved her legs against mine, and she sleepily sat up and her hands went to my belt, undoing it quickly. I wondered what she was doing but she said nothing. She tugged my pants off and I slipped my socks off myself. Her legs slid between mine smoothly and Bella sighed.

" That's better."

I felt her feet against my ankles and jumped at the frigid temperature.

" Fuck! You got ice blocks as feet tonight?"

" Sorry." she whined, moving away.

" No, no, bring those ice blocks back."

She laughed and I felt her roll on top of me and playfully lean down to kiss my nose.

" I thought you were tired."

" Mm, no."

I rested my hands on her hips and she rocked her body into me. I stilled.

" Come on, don't do that to me." I complained, wrapping my arms around her waist to push her to sit on my lower abdomen instead. She complied and smiled at me.

" I can't help it."

I rested my hand on her slightly reddened cheek, which was probably from my stubble that brushed up on her face repeatedly a short while ago. Taking Bella completely by surprise, I turned us completely over so I was leaning over her and she gasped in surprise. I grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head, which gave Bella a very mischievous look in her beautiful eyes.

" What're you going to do now?"

She wiggled her body underneath mine, trying to distract me from my hold on her wrist, and she attempted to break free, but just one hand around her wrists and she was completely at my mercy.

" Scared?"

" No, because I trust you." she corrected, leaning up to kiss me.

I ran one hand down the length of her body and she shivered, her teeth moving down to clamp on my bottom lip. I groaned and pulled back, but Bella was relentless, and still attached. She sucked on my lip for a moment before releasing it and catching my lips with hers again.

" Mm, not letting you go." I murmured.

" I don't want you to."

And just because she said that I completely released her and laid down on the mattress next to her. She looked over at me, laughed, mumbled ' tease' under her breath and got up out of bed.

" Thirsty?"

" A little bit."

" I'll get you something."

Before leaving, Bella leaned down to kiss me and with a sway of her hips. I watched as she left and sat up, fixing her messy bed and adjusting her pillows. I heard a few noises downstairs and when Bella had returned to me, she flipped her bedroom light on and sat down Indian style on the bed.

She handed me a glass of what looked like coke but I saw cherries in it.

" You seemed to enjoy the cherry coke with lunch this afternoon. And my dad used to make these for me as something special when I was a kid."

I took a sip and I could taste the cherry big time, but it was delicious.

" It's just three cherries and a teaspoon and a half of cherry juice."

" Mm, that's fucking delicious."

Her hand brushed through my hair, " You deserve it, Edward."

I looked over at her. " How do you do that?"

" Do what?"

" Make me forget everything bad that's going on?"

She smiled, " I don't really try, I just be myself, entertain you, and hope for the best out of all of it."

" I love you so much, my Bella. I don't know what I'd do without you." I murmured, running my fingers through her hair and leaning forward to kiss her.

" I love you, too. And I'm not sure what I'd do without you either." she said against my lips, kissing me back.

" I know what you'd do. Grieve for this sexy body you won't be able to see anymore." I teased.

She lightly smacked my chest and took a drink of her own cherry coke. For a lot of the night, Bella and I stayed up and talked for awhile about anything but what had happened with my mom, and the lingering guilt that had also crept up in my mind.

Bella was a good distraction.

Until I was alone.

**Authors Note- First, I'm really sorry that I was unable to get this out during the weekend. Last Wednesday, the 27****th**** of April, my uncle passed away suddenly, and well, it's been a hard past couple of days to say in the least, and I didn't have time to edit and go through the chapter. I had all of this up on twitter, letting people know what was going on, but I figured I would let you all know.**

**Alright, I need to hear thoughts! This was a big chapter emotionally, and I want to know what you guys think. You might have questions, and I will have answers for you if you ask them. I reply to all reviews and try to keep up with that, even though stupid FF doesn't connect to my e-mail for reviews, so it makes it especially hard, but I do my absolute best!**

**Tell me what you think, leave questions if you have them, and I will try and leave my best answers!**

**Review!**


	34. Never Ending

**Authors Note- This chapter is slightly filler-ish, but it's leading up to the climax of the story. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

December 14th

Sunday

~\\~

I heard the study door shut behind me, and Carlisle gave me a pointed look; as if telling me to sit down in his stern glance. With a deep sigh, and a slightly annoyed glare in his direction, I took a seat in one of the chairs he had been motioning me to. He sat down at his tall leather chair, slightly leaning towards me over his desk.

There was no reason to fucking avoid this, I knew that the moment I walked through the door he would notice that I looked like utter shit. He wasn't getting all doctor on me, he was getting all ' I am your father for all intents and purposes, therefore, let me fucking make sure you are taking care of yourself because you look like shit '.

Since the night that I spent dinner with my mother, I had been feeling like shit. The guilt was starting to eat at me, and I couldn't find a good fucking way to deal with it; unless Bella was there to distract me and talk to me about things not related to it. My sleep pattern was fucked up, and most days I never even slept and went straight to the hospital, then crashed eventually unless I was hyped up on coffee.

Jasper hadn't said much about it to me, considering everything was fucking irritating me from being unable to sleep, and just all around feeling like a truck had smacked into me and left me to lay there.

Bella was concerned about me, she had even gone as far one night to bring some over the counter sleeping pills to the apartment and make me take two of them so that I would sleep. She even would lay in bed with me until I was soundly asleep to make sure. She was a fucking saint. Most nights whenever she was planning on going home to sleep, I coaxed her into staying with me.

It was almost like how it was with my mother when she left. It was a time that I really needed someone, but had nobody. Now that I had Bella, and I was going through a fucking hard time; I took advantage of it. Bella said that I wasn't, she said that I just needed her, and she was okay with it. Some nights I felt guilty, but when she was by my side everything just seemed to fucking disappear almost, and I could think clearly.

It felt like every day was just making it harder to get up out of bed. I felt useless, guilt ridden, and some of the time, I thought about what it would be like to just end it all and get my life over with. To be peaceful and have no worries and everything would go away.

Then I remembered that I had Bella.

And I couldn't take my life and leave her behind, leave everything that I have in front of me behind. I couldn't throw away a chance at a future because my past has ruined me.

But I knew I actually could if I wanted.

" Edward." Carlisle said, snapping me into reality.

I glanced over at him.

" You seem to be getting lost in your thoughts again."

" It happens." I said with a careless shrug.

" I can tell that you haven't been sleeping. What about eating?"

" My appetite is fi-"

Suddenly I heard a quiet knock on the door and Bella appeared. Carlisle encouraged her to come in and she sat next to me. Something inside me made feel like this was some type of intervention, but I knew they wouldn't corner me like that. Bella smiled at me and I felt her hands resting on my shoulders for a moment.

She sat down in the chair and grasped my hand. Bella looked beautiful today, wearing short sleeved, cream colored sweater dress with a cowl neckline. It fell to just above her knees, with a fancy dark brown, twisted belt that showed off her thin figure. Her legs were almost glowing from the lotion she had on, and they were smooth and soft. To finish off her outfit, she had on a pair of brown suede pumps. Her hair was straightened, parted off to the right, and hanging over to the other side to rest the length on her tiny shoulders. I couldn't describe her beauty.

" As I was saying. How about eating? Have you been eating regularly?"

" Yes."

Bella glared at me. " No, he hasn't been. I've been making sure he eats something in the mornings though."

" How much sleep have you been getting?"

" Bella had gotten me sleeping pills, other than that, maybe I sleep every other night."

" I can prescribe something to help you sleep every night, it also is for anxiety, so you wouldn't have to take the Xanax everyday on top of it. Seroquel would probably do the trick, just take it before bed-"

" I don't need medicine." I stated adamantly, feeling my annoyance flare.

I felt Bella's hand rest on my knee. " Hey, I've always told you it's alright to need help. Just consider it, okay? We all just want the best for you, Edward. We understand how hard things have been, and we just want to make things easier on you. I-...Edward, I have no problem staying with you at night to make sure you are okay, and sleeping, but I want to know that if I leave one night, that you're okay."

" I don't fucking want anything, does anybody get that?" I bursted, brushing Bella's hand off my leg and releasing her other one roughly. She let out a small surprised gasp.

" Edward, just calm down. We aren't in here to shove you into a corner and force you to do anything. As Bella said, we all just want to make things easier. Everybody knows how hard it has been with your mother making an appearance."

" Yeah, and I'll fucking deal with it how I want to."

" Not when I can see you digging yourself further into a hole. I know that I am not your biological father, Edward, but I care for you like you are my own. You aren't eating, you aren't sleeping, and when I look at you, it looks like someone has taken all of the light out of your eyes and it's replaced with anger and sadness. I don't want that for you! You look like a walking dead person."

" What the fuck does anybody care anyways? I'm not worth it; all I do is ruin everything. Just like how I am ruining Esme's birthday by sitting up here having this damn conversation! I'm done, so should all of you."

" Don't you dare say that." Bella growled lowly. " You are worth everything to your family and I. I don't know every single thing about this family, but I know how much they love you, and how Alice thinks that you are her older brother, and how Emmett considers you his little brother. When Esme looks at you, all I see is the look of a proud _mom,_ and Carlisle is a caring, thoughtful _father_. I understand how hard it is for you to maybe accept how much people love you, but they do. And I love you more than anything. If you don't know that, then apparently I am the one who has done very wrong."

" Bella, just don't ge-"

" Get in the middle? It's too late. I was in the middle from the moment I met you."

" So what? You all want me to be taking medicine, act like a fucking drug induced robot just so I can function? Fuck that. People cope in different ways, and right now, this is my damn way. And until I tell you I plan on getting rope to fucking hang myself, just fuck off."

I walked out of the room and went straight for my old bedroom, not another thought on my mind but to get away from the situation. I heard Bella coming after me, but I was quicker to the second set of stairs. Right when I got to the door of my bedroom, I felt Bella's hand on my wrist. I pulled it free and went into my room, trying my hardest not to just slam the fucking door.

" What, so now you are going to start pulling away from me, too?" Bella asked, almost shouting.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and put my head in my hands.

Fuck, how did it all go so downhill?

Across the room I could hear Bella's quiet crying, and the sound broke my heart completely in two. If it were possible, I felt even worse for making the person I love most cry, and for it to happen on all days. When I looked up I saw tears rolling down Bella's cheeks before she covered her face with her hands and a sob escaped her. The look on her face that I saw before she covered it was that she looked heartbroken. I knew that she hated how I thought of myself, and how I thought other people saw me. I couldn't help it.

Without another thought I got up, knowing that there was no way that I could ever just leave her standing there crying, and took her in my arms; securely holding her to me. She cried against my chest and I rubbed her back softly, trying to soothe her.

" I'm sorry, Bella. I'm such a fuck up."

She cried harder.

" Shh, sunshine. Bella, it's okay. Please don't cry, I hate seeing you upset." I murmured, holding her tightly and kissing the top of her head.

" I-I hate...that you hate yourself...and think...that other people..don't..care about you." she gasped between sobs. " I lo- I love you so much."

" I know you love me, Bella. I do know. And I love you too, so much. You're everything to me, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Slowly I rocked us from side to side, which slowly seemed to ease her a bit. Eventually I pulled her over to my leather couch and held her, kissing her forehead and wiping all of the tears that she shed. I had grabbed Kleenex from my nightstand previously, which I have no idea why it was there, but it didn't matter. I wiped her cheeks, getting rid of the black streaks from her mascara. She was still beautiful, even with the streaks of makeup across her face.

" Are you okay?" I asked her quietly once her face dried.

She nodded." I'm sorry for crying."

" Please, don't apologize. I never meant to make you cry."

" It's not your fault, Edward." she whispered, kissing my jaw softly and rubbing my neck.

I leaned my forehead against hers and both of her hands grasped mine.

" I don't want to lose the Edward I love." she murmured.

" I know, and you won't."

" Promise?"

" I promise you that I'll always be here. I won't ever leave you, and I'll always still be myself, even when I get a little lost sometimes." I told her sincerely, staring her right in her watery chocolate brown eyes.

" Good."

" Now, I think that some might be wondering where we are. So how about we head downstairs."

Bella slowly stood up from my lap, and I steadied her when she stumbled. I kissed the back of her neck and stood up completely.

" I probably look like a mess."

" Hey, look at me."

She tilted her head up to look at me, and I put my finger underneath her chin.

" You're beautiful, no matter what." I assured her, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. Her arms wound around my waist and she held me closely.

" And you're too skinny. I think Esme made cookies."

The way that she could completely turn a conversation around made me chuckle softly

" We can't all have a sexy body like you, Miss. Swan."

" Oh, I never said you still weren't sexy." Bella murmured seductively, deciding to play a game of grab ass with me.

" I thought I was Mr. Edward No-Ass Masen?"

She squeezed my flesh again before releasing me, " Eh, you've got something there." she said, patting me lovingly.

I gave her ass a swift smack, surprising her and led her out of the room quietly laughing. She hopped in front of me and descended the stairs. Once we reached the second floor hallway Bella grasped my hand in hers.

We headed downstairs, and when we got to the kitchen, Esme was speaking with Alice and Rosalie, but I could see in her gaze that she wanted to know what had just happened upstairs. Bella gripped my hand tighter and she stepped over to the counter. She glanced at a wine glass, and I nodded at her. Once she poured the cup, I immediately took a drink.

" Hey, take it easy." she murmured.

I sighed and set it down, giving her an exasperated look.

Did she honestly think I would get drunk at Esme's birthday party? Or even buzzed for that matter?

I turned on my heel and headed towards the back door to the deck, making it evident that I didn't want to be followed right now. When I stepped outside, I got goose bumps. It was fucking cold. I lit up a cigarette in the cold weather and smoked it right down to the end, taking a good long time with it.

My muscles relaxed, and I almost moaned with each pull. I knew that the dependency on the smoking wasn't good for me, especially wanting to be a doctor, but I had no other way to let out of the stress unwind and let me breathe for just a moment.

" Hey, you." I heard a quiet, familiar voice say.

I turned around and saw Rosalie standing there, looking at me.

" Hey, Rose."

She came over to me, " Trouble in paradise?"

" Not really...It's just been a struggle dealing with everything going on."

" Yeah, believe it or not I know what that's like." she said.

If there was anybody I could relate to when it came to hard times, I knew that it was Rosalie. She was probably the only one who could say, 'I understand', and actually mean it. Yes, we experienced bad situations in different ways, but they were both traumatic.

" It's just hard because nobody can-"

" Understand?" she finished.

I nodded, " Yeah, and I just need space to deal with things. I completely appreciate Carlisle being concerned, and Bella has enough reason...But I need to deal with it on my own, no fucking pills, I need to learn to deal with things."

" You also have to understand that it's also not fair to rely on Bella for everything."

My gaze snapped to hers quickly.

" I know that's not what you want to hear. But do you want Bella to feel like you will fall apart into nothing if she isn't there for you every single time?"

" Has she talked to you about this?"

" A little bit. And I am not going against girl code and saying everything, but I know that sometimes she is scared to leave you alone, especially at nighttime."

I groaned and leaned back against the wall of the house, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger.

Great, another reason to feel guilty I thought.

My own girlfriend was scared to leave me alone in fear that I would probably kill myself, or fall apart. I never wanted to put her into that position, but I already had. She was even scared to the point of telling Rosalie, not that Bella isn't allowed to talk to her about shit, but I still felt really bad.

" Don't beat yourself up over it, okay? Edward, you're a great guy, and well over half the time Bella tells me that you treat her like the fucking Queen of England. She loves you so much, and I wouldn't lie about that. Just show her that you can be okay on your own."

She came forward and gave me a tight hug, " I love you like a brother, Edward. Don't let your mother coming back ruin progress, okay? All of us are here for you, whenever."

" Thanks, Rose."

" Sure thing. Now, let's go back inside; your woman is waiting for you."

We headed back inside, and the blast of heat hit me as I entered. Bella was still standing where I had left, staring at her wine solemnly. I felt even more of an ass for just leaving her. Taking her by surprise, I snuck up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, almost making her drop the glass of wine she had been holding.

" I don't know why you put up with me."

" Because I love you." she replied, turning her head to kiss me.

After that exchange Bella basically dragged me to the living room, where all assortments of hors d'oeuvres were set out all over the dining room table. There was everything from stuffed mushrooms, to cocktail meatballs on toothpicks. There were little thin dough cups, filled with halibut, arugula, and some lemon mayonnaise. For desserts there were tiny chocolate raspberry crepes, cookies, small mini cupcakes, and a little chocolate fountain with fruits everywhere. I also saw cherry strudels, which I knew Bella would love if I got her to try it.

Bella was salivating over the meatballs, and I finally put her out of her misery, picked one up and fed it to her.

" I could do that myself, but thank you." she said after chewing and swallowing.

" You were looking at it like the forbidden fruit."

" They are fucking delicious." she whispered.

The bigger servings of food were lobster risotto, some saffron orzo with shrimp. I think there was baked parmesan pasta and vegetables. And there were three big salad bowls with different types. A lot of the bigger dishes were pasta and baked things.

Bella grabbed two more of the meatballs on a plate, one of the little bacon and turkey mini sandwiches, some lobster risotto, and I put a scoop of the parmesan pasta and vegetables on her plate to eat myself. I put two strudels on there and followed Bella.

She sat down in the living room, carefully, and we ate off her plate together.

" This risotto is delicious." Bella noted, taking another bite.

" I can tell you're enjoying it. And if you keep moaning, people might get the wrong idea."

Bella rolled her eyes at me and I tasted the pasta and vegetables. It was really good, and Esme outdid herself, as she always does. I don't think she's ever even made anything that wasn't good. I stole a bite of the risotto, and almost thought Bella was going to fork me for doing it.

As I knew she would, Bella fell in love with the cherry strudels, and Esme and her immediately got talking about the recipe that was in a very old Cullen recipe book that was hand written by Carlisle's great, great grandmother, Pearl. Esme said she made the dishes and sweets until they were mastered.

At around six we all decided that it was time for cake. It was a two tiered cake, purple, and said ' Happy Birthday' on it in silver sparkly looking icing. The cake was square, and it looked very nice. There was a quilt pattern on it, and edible mini pearls.

Once everybody got into the jovial, 'Happy Birthday' song, she blew out her candles and then started cutting into the cake with the knife Carlisle gave her.

Right after the cake, slowly people started leaving, giving everybody a hug, and wishing Esme a great rest of her Birthday. She sure as hell got a lot of gifts from family, but she appreciated them with her entire heart and made sure everybody was thanked, and would get cards also. That's how she always does it.

Soon it was just Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, Bella and I left, eating the delicious red velvet and cream cheese frosting cake. Alice next to me was completely devouring it like there was no tomorrow.

Bella excused herself to the bathroom and I cleaned her plate for her, along with Alice's, making sure to start the dishwasher afterwards since everybody else finished.

" Did you have a good Birthday mom?" Alice piped up.

" Oh, it was great. Thank you all for making it so special." Esme said, standing to give Alice a hug, and then moving on to Emmett, until she finally reached me. Her arms wrapped around me tightly and I hugged her back, happy that her Birthday was good and we helped make it that way.

" She hugs him extra long! Way to pick a favorite son, mom."

" That must burn. I mean, think of it this way. Esme and Carlisle specifically adopted him, and got to pick. She just got stuck with how you and Alice ended up, Em." Rosalie teased.

I rolled my eyes as Emmett scoffed at him. Esme released me and went back over by Carlisle, who took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. Bella had been gone for awhile, so Alice went off looking for her. I wondered what was keeping her, but she's a girl, so she is most likely fixing her hair or some shit.

We were all going to settle in the living room, and just as I was about to take a seat, I suddenly heard Alice screaming for Carlisle and I. All she said was 'Bella', and I was running.

I almost tripped my way up the stairs that I ran so fast. The second floor bathroom door was open, light flooding through and lighting it up. I walked in there quickly and saw Bella knocked out on the floor cold. There was no sign of her being conscious remaining.

I saw blood on her forehead and Alice had Bella's head in her lap. The gash wasn't too big, but it was obviously noticeable with the blood dripping down to her temple.

I knelt down on the floor and grasped Bella's hands in mine, trying to help wake her.

" Bella, wake up, sweetheart."

Carlisle entered the bathroom and knelt down on the ground while I checked her pulse. It was strong. I looked around the bathroom for a sign of something, wanting to know how she got hurt, and then I saw the blood on the edge of the sink. I looked back down at her and looked at Alice.

" Can you get a wet washcloth?"

I moved Bella so that she was placed in my lap. I leaned against the bathtub and held her close to me, her head lolling onto my shoulder. Alice handed me the cold cloth and I pressed it against Bella's face in varies areas, trying to wake her up.

Slowly she becoming more conscious in my arms, and she groaned quietly, raising her hand to press it against her forehead, but I stopped her, not wanting her to get blood on her hands, or touch it and irritate anything. I held her hand in mine, resting it lightly in her lap as I used my other arm to wrap around her waist to hold her up.

Carlisle flashed a small light in her eye that he got from his office across the hall; Bella winced away and hid her face in my neck.

" No lights."

" What happened, Bella?"

" I don't know, I went to the bathroom, got up, went to wash my hands but I tripped on the rug and smacked my head on the counter. That's all I remember...God, I'm such a damn idiot."

" Shh, it's okay."

" My head hurts like a bitch." she mumbled as everyone laughed.

Slowly I stood up and swept Bella up in my arms, startling her slightly. She just had a concussion, and would need a band aid on her forehead, along with some Neosporin. I carried her upstairs to the third floor and laid her down in my old bed, letting her rest for a moment. I grabbed a band aid from the bathroom and put it over the small cut carefully after it was cleaned.

" Mm, trying to kill yourself, sunshine?" I asked, kissing the unharmed side of her forehead as I smoothed her hair back.

" I'm such an idiot. Why do you love me?"

" Idiots need love, too...I'm just kidding, but you need to be careful. You hurt yourself way too often."

" I don't mean to." she groaned, sitting up to rest her head against my stomach since I stood next to the bed.

" Are you feeling okay besides the headache? No blurry vision or anything?"

" I'm okay, just the headache."

" Well, let's head back to the apartment and let you sleep off that headache. Will you be alright?"

" Yeah, just hang onto me."

I retrieved Bella's bag for her and helped her situp carefully, holding her closely to my side. Everybody was downstairs, and Esme immediately took Bella in her arms and asked if she was alright. Bella, being her usual self, apologized profusely for falling and drawing herself attention, but Esme wasn't having it at all. She handed Bella the container that had the rest of the cherry strudels, hugged her again and said her goodbye.

I gave Esme a hug afterwards, telling her that I was glad for her having such a great Birthday. I pulled Carlisle aside to the kitchen for a moment and apologized for how I acted earlier. He forgave me, even when I knew that I really didn't deserve it. I felt awful for what I had been saying, and my little outburst.

" You _are _my son, Edward. I'll always forgive you."

We left the house and headed back to the apartment afterwards. Bella set her bag on the counter and went to my bedroom almost immediately when we walked through the door. I grabbed a few pills and some water and headed after her, taking her bag with me just in case she needed it for anything. When I got to my bedroom I put her bag on the desk and gave her the pills. As she took them and settled in, I changed my clothes and brushed my teeth, letting Bella in to brush her teeth afterwards.

I didn't bother with a shirt, never really did anymore. I laid down and waited for Bella to return, she did soon, turning off the light as she walked in. Once she got into bed I felt her press the front of her body flush to mine as I laid on my side. Slowly, I turned us around to curl my body around her. Her hands pressed against my chest, moving over the skin slightly.

" I love you." she whispered, slipping one of her bare legs between mine

I moved my hand underneath the bed sheets and ran it along her thigh, moving up her little nightgown until it was at her waist.

" I love you, too. I'm glad you're here tonight," I murmured as I moved her leg to hook around my hip instead.

A smile spread over her face, and her eyes slowly drooped shut. I tucked the comforter around her body, wanting to keep her nice and warm.

Slowly her head moved back to rest on the pillow next to mine, and I moved my head close to hers, not wanting to move our position and bother her. Suddenly, her body was twisting around, and she let out a moan of frustration. I felt myself being pushed on my back, and Bella curled herself up on my body to get comfortable. Only, that apparently wasn't working for her, so she laid on her stomach next to me, arm wrapped around my waist.

" Are you okay?"

" Just uncomfortable."

" I'm sorry."

" It's not your fault."

She flopped down on her back and I rested my head on her chest, and put my hand on her stomach, slowly moving in circles. She moved her hand to rest over mine, stilling it, and kissed the top of my head. I kissed her collarbone and moved up her neck, hearing her quiet laugh as I kissed a weak spot on her neck. I latched onto the skin just behind her ear and below it, sucking gently as I heard her quiet moan.

" We're alone."

" I know."

" We can't...not tonight."

I looked up at her, " Why?"

" It's my time of the month."

I kissed her cheek, forehead, nose and chin, " It's okay."

" I can sti-"

" Shh, it's fine. We don't have to do anything, just rest. You need it."

She nodded and burrowed her face into my chest, careful of the cut on her forehead

" Burrowing again?"

Bella glared up at me before smiling and nodding, wrapping her arms around my waist and moving her hands up and down my back. Her hands moved in just the night way to make my eyes droop and make me even more tired.

" Sleep." she murmured.

I rested my forehead against her neck and let out a deep sigh before falling asleep.

~\\~

" YOU SOUND LIKE SUCH AN ASS!"

" Well, then you stop sounding like a fucking BITCH."

" SORRY, for wanting to make breakfast for my boyfriend. Didn't know you were so fucking possessive of the fucking kitchen all of a sudden! Christ, what's your issue today!"

" I'm tired of you always fucking being here in the mornings, and making dinner and playing little housewife, what are you trying to prove? That you can be the only one who he lets in! And be the girl that Carlisle and Esme just fucking adore because of it?"

" What, are you jealous? He's your best friend, I didn't think that you'd be so selfish now that Edward has a girlfriend, and be jealous of how yours and Alice's relationship isn't exactly old news, but not completely a focal point to them, that you sit here and treat me like shit? Coming from the idiot who was yelling at Edward as he was in a panic attack lying on the floor! What a fucking friend you are."

I quickly got out of bed, threw on a shirt and slipped on a pair of flannel pants. I sleepily walked out of my room to see Jasper and Bella head to head, and she looked down right pissed and hurt.

" What the fuck is going on?" I demanded.

" Jasper got pissed at me when I decided to make breakfast, and went into this whole fucking bullshit rant about how I 'take over'."

" Yeah, I heard that. What the fuck is your issue, Jasper? For real?"

He glared at me, " Keep your girlfriend on a fucking leash and make her stay out of my way."

I had absolutely no idea where this hostility was coming from; Jasper had never really acted anything but grateful for Bella, when she made dinner and whatever else she did around here. I never expected him to be going off on her for just making breakfast.

" What the fuck happened to you that is making you like this?"

" Just fuck off."

" Fuck off? Really, man? You are talking to your roommate who pays about three fourths of the rent to live in this place for both of us. I can tell you to pack your shit and get the fuck out of I want to, so watch your fucking PMS attitude, and if you yell at her again maybe I'll get out of here, and you can find a trashy apartment to live in when you get evicted for not being able to pay the goddamn rent."

He glared hard at me and just then, Alice popped her head out from the hallway, and I could see that she was almost in tears.

She heard the entire conversation.

" Jasper what's wrong?" she asked softly, walking down the hallway wearing her pink t-shirt, white pajama bottoms and big fluffy slippers.

He grabbed his jacket and keys without a word and walked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Alice made her run for it but I caught her.

" Let him be. Something is wrong, so let him deal with it."

I looked over at Bella, and I could see how hurt her feelings were by his words. I wanted to go to her, but Alice was holding onto me tightly.

" Bella, he didn't-" Alice started.

" He did mean it. And whatever happened just let him show how he really feels. I just thought I was doing something good fo-…I doesn't matter."

She was almost in tears as she pushed past me and went into the hallway bathroom, locking the door after shutting it firmly behind her. Alice looked at the door, and then looked up at me. She sighed and shook her head. I patted her back.

I sighed deeply, feeling all of this extra stress weigh down on me even more. As if everything else weren't enough, now I was having trouble with whatever was going on with Jasper.

Would it ever end?

**Authors Note- What's going on with Jasper?**

**Well, this was filler-ish, but drama at the end and in the beginning. Next chapter, we are hitting the climax of the story, which is going to be killer, and take up all my time, so I will hopefully update again in a week, maybe a little over.**

**Review!**


	35. A Christmas Never to Be Forgotten

**Authors Note- Warning!- This chapter contains attempt of suicide. If you are sensitive to this subject, I suggest you not read the chapter, or proceed with caution. Thank you.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

**AGAIN! Warning!- This chapter contains attempt of suicide. If you are sensitive to this subject, I suggest you not read the chapter, or proceed with caution. Thank you. If need be, just tell me if you want me to send you just a quick summary of the chapter events.**

**ALL SENTENCES IN ITALICS ARE PAST QUOTES IN THE STORY AND FLASHBACKS!**

***Tissue Warning***

~\\~

EPOV

Christmas Eve

2008

~\\~

I nervously tapped my fingers against my leg as I drove towards Bella's house. I knew that I could do this for her, even if I was nervous to meet her touchy-feely ex-boyfriend, and his father. I don't ever have a problem with Charlie anymore, we get along good after the talks we have had, and I am pretty sure he is fine with Bella and I's relationship, which makes this all the more easier.

Bella had said that she and Jacob never dated for long. All Jacob wanted was something physical at an age Bella was not ready to go for. I was glad to hear this, but I already knew about Bella's sexual past so it didn't even fucking matter.

Recently, Bella hasn't been hanging around the apartment all too often. When she does, she was always on fucking edge, especially when Jasper made an appearance. Now I could tell how embarrassed he was when he looked at her and I after everything he said. He damn well should be.

We found out apparently that morning he went off on Bella, he found out his grandfather had passed away in his sleep. Apparently he and his father got into it about money costs because apparently his grandfather did not have money put away for a funeral or anything. Needless to say, Jasper was fucking angry, and Bella was the victim.

He hasn't uttered a word to her at all, and barely says anything to me.

Bella, I can still tell, is pretty damn hurt by all of it. Even though Jasper had lashed out because of previous anger, what he had said to her wasn't something that would bounce off, that shit would stick. She thought she did well by being around and helping and she did. Jasper made her take a step back that I was still trying to get her to walk up again.

I still convince her to sleep over at night with me, and in the mornings, she is always there in my arms. Time with her like that is the only time I ever feel de-stressed, and no matter what shit is going on, everything is right in the world for that one perfect fucking moment. Not only do I deal with the stress of my mother, weird appetite and sleeping pattern, now I have to deal with making sure Bella feels welcome, and make sure Jasper isn't getting bothered.

I wish I had my own fucking apartment. Bella could come and go as she pleases with no issue, and things would be better in that area of problems. I felt mostly for Bella, because there was no fucking excuse for Jasper to say all of he did and not even fucking apologize days afterwards. Alice was upset with him about it, and made it very clear to him.

Anyways, While Alice and Emmett spend Christmas Eve at home; I was heading to Bella's now. I had put on a pair of nicely fitted dark wash jeans, and a Christmas fucking red, button down, the sleeves rolled up to my elbows. It was kind of snug, but Bella said that I looked, ' completely and utterly sexy', in it, so I went with it. I shaved, ran my fingers through my hair, put on some cologne and called it a day after putting on a pair of nice shoes and my leather jacket.

When I pulled up to the house, I saw a blue pick-up truck in the driveway. I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. Without hesitating, I opened the car door and stepped out, shutting it firmly behind me. I made sure to grab the little something I brought with me before locking the Volvo.

Right when I stepped up on the porch, Bella had opened the front door and unlocked the glass door. I opened it up and felt the warmth of the house immediately, and the delicious smell of food. I locked the glass door behind me, and Bella closed the front door.

Her arms wrapped around me and she stared up at me. I dipped down to give her just a chaste kiss before pulling away. She released me and smiled.

" Hey."

" Hello, beautiful." I said, looking down to see her outfit.

She had on a pair of jeans, which were skinny jeans, and they were a similar dark wash to mine. She had on a red button down shirt, fitted, ironically like me, but with a grey sweater/cardigan over it and buttoned up a few. Her shoes were just simple black heels. She her hair straight, and that slight comb over to one side for her little style. Her makeup was lighter today, I had noted. The cut on her forehead was mostly healed; she didn't need a band aid on it anymore. It wasn't scarring though, so she wouldn't have any permanent damage luckily.

Bella glanced at the Pecan Pie that was in my hands. Esme had made it and insisted that I bring it over.

" This is for you, my Bella."

She smiled and looked up at me thoughtfully, " Thank you so much, green eyes."

I winked at her, " Sure thing. I'll go put my jacket upstairs, and then come right back, okay?"

" Okay." she said, releasing me with a kiss on my jaw.

I headed upstairs to put my jacket and phone up on her bed, and then headed back downstairs where Bella had been waiting for me; she took my hand and led me to the kitchen. I noticed that she also put the pie on the counter front and center.

But standing right in the middle of the kitchen, who was standing a little bit too smug and proud, was who I guessed to be Jacob.

He was tall.

Not as tall as me.

He was maybe two inches shorter than me. Dark tan skin, short spiked black hair and he was pretty built. He probably had more muscle then me, I couldn't fucking lie. Of course he made a point to wear the tightest fucking shirt ever. I rolled my eyes at it. He looked like a tool.

Bella kept her hand clasped in mine and I looked over towards Charlie, seeing an older man in his wheelchair besides him. They were obviously Indian, and Jacob's father had longer hair, and his shirt was tribal, along with the interesting necklaces he was wearing, and the thin eyes and lips.

At least this guy didn't look like a jackass like his son.

" So, Bella, this is the guy Charlie has been talking about. I don't remember you mentioning him being skinner than Bella." Jacob chided.

" Learn some manners, Jacob." Bella hissed.

" Billy, this is my boyfriend Edward. Edward, this is one of my dad's really great friends, Billy Black, and his son Jacob." she said, her voice sounding almost dead at the end of her sentence.

" Way to add the enthusiasm, Bells. I'm Jacob Black, Bella's former boyfriend, as you should know."

" Barely, Jacob."

I shook his hand anyways, and made sure to give it a tighter hold. He winced and dropped my hand like it was on fire, and then I respectfully gave Billy a handshake.

" Very nice to meet you Edward. Charlie has said nice things about you. Glad you are keeping our Bella here smiling and happy."

" It's always a pleasure." I stated, pulling Bella to me.

She smiled and leaned into me as I wrapped my arm around her little waist.

" Well aren't you both just downright adorable." Jacob stated bitterly.

I looked over at him, and Bella scoffed in his direction.

" Just because your last girlfriend dumped you because you're constantly calling and needing her, doesn't mean you should be jealous of me. Cut it out and stop acting like a kid."

" It's fine, Bella." I told her.

She sighed and released me.

" I have a roast in the oven with carrots, potatoes and celery. And mashed potatoes, and some other steamed vegetables." Bella said, opening the oven to check the roast.

" Sounds amazing, Bella." I said.

" And smells ever better." Charlie added.

" Good."

Bella took my hand and led me to the living room. We both took a seat on the couch, Bella seated closely next to me with her hand on my knee, which seemed to make Jacob not very happy as he glared not very secretly at us.

Charlie sat in his recliner, Billy next to it holding a beer in his hands.

" So, Edward. What is it that you do?"

" I'm actually in my second year of Medical School at Washington University. I've been doing my residency at the University of Washington Medical Center"

" Medical School? That sounds very great, Edward."

" Thank you, sir."

" Jacob went to a community college to be a mechanic. Working on opening his own shop in the city." Billy stated.

" I've been building cars since I was thirteen, and fixing them. So, Edward, I've heard that you are adopted. No details of course, Charlie is always nice about things like that."

Bella glared at him, " It's absolutely no-"

" Yes, actually. I was adopted right before I turned sixteen actually."

" I heard it was the Cullen family, must be lucky of you to get adopted into a rich family."

" It's their well earned money, not mine. Of course you should obviously know that, its common sense. But, I am very grateful that they welcomed me into their home. They have gone above and beyond for me."

Bella's hand squeezed my knee gently. " They are an amazing family."

" Well, how'd you meet...Edward?" Jacob ground out.

" I was good friends with his sister Alice in college, and when I moved to London, Alice and I still talked. This summer I spent it with her since it would be kind of boring around here. Edward and I were thrown together a lot there, and then at the beach house in California; it just...happened."

" Summer romance beyond summer? Sounds promising..."

" Jacob, could you get me another beer." Charlie asked abruptly.

He got up without a word and headed off. Billy shook his head and looked over at me.

" I'm sorry, Edward. My son is a bit..."

" Arrogant?" Bella finished.

Charlie glared at her, " Bella, do-"

" She's right, Charlie. Arrogant, and jealous. Pay no attention to it."

" Pay no attention to what?" Jacob asked as he returned.

" Pay no attention to...the annoying commercials on the television." Bella covered, leaning into me.

Jacob rolled his eyes and plopped down on the other end of the couch. The way he looked at Bella creeped me out, and I didn't like it one bit. I sighed and looked at Bella.

" I'm going to have a quick smoke. I'll be right back." I told her quietly as I stood.

She nodded and I went upstairs to grab my pack.

I sat outside as I smoked, feeling the anxiousness roll off of me. I checked my phone, that I retrieved from upstairs, and was leafing through my e-mails. None were really that important, and the ones that were I would go through later. I didn't want to answer them now because I was at Bella's, and with guests especially, I didn't want to be rude and stay out here.

Once I finished the cigarette, I headed in the house to put them back and go sit with Bella.

I opened up the sliding glass door, and when I looked into the kitchen before going upstairs; I did not like the sight in front of me.

Jacob stood close to Bella, to the point where she looked uncomfortable but didn't want to say anything.

" You really think some stuck up rich kid is what you need Bella? Is he good in bed, is that it? We had a great summer that year, Bella. I could give you just as much as him, even more. I can love you more than he ever could."

Bella turned around and glared at him, " I love him because of who he is, not because of the money he has. He has respected me more in a few months than you have in weeks of our 'relationship'. And how dare you even make a remark about my private life. And what you have to offer in a relationship, doesn't catch my interest. I don't love you, Jacob, and I'm sorry but I never will. Now you're just losing my friendship, which you barely had in the first place."

I walked into the kitchen, alerting both of them. Bella's gaze snapped up to meet mine, until my eyes shifted to the vile person with his disgusting hand on my Bella's arm."

" Get your hands off of her." I said in a low voice.

He laughed and dropped his hand, " What are you going to do? Attack me?"

Bella shoved him back a good few inches and just then Charlie walked in next to me.

" What's going on in here?"

" Nothing, Charlie." Jacob stated.

" It sure as hell wasn't nothing when I walked in." I retorted.

Bella looked over at her father, " Jacob was just being a jealous little kid, who needs to realize that my private life is private, and he needs to learn to mind his own goddamn business."

She stepped over to me and took my hand, " Excuse us for a moment, please."

I followed Bella upstairs, petting little Jo-Jo on the way up. He was almost clinging to my leg when we got to the top floor. When we got to her bedroom she closed the door and leaned against it. I pulled her in my arms after tossing my phone and cigarette's on her bed.

" He's such an ass."

" No. He's just a kid that has realized what he has lost, and now he wants you back. But you're mine now." I told her, leaning down to kiss her.

She put her hands on my forearms, and slowly started to walk me backwards. I let her lead me to the bed, and she practically jumped on top of me and took me down. I fell to the mattress, Bella on me and all over me.

" Mm, we should go back downstairs, Bella."

" No, let's just stay up here. We can let them wonder for awhile."

Well, we let them wonder alright. I gave into Bella and let her have her way with me. I knew that I wouldn't ever be able to resist her anyways. With her hands in my hair and her lips on mine, there was no way.

She pulled away from me after about ten minutes of shameless making out, and she pulled my cell phone out from under her, laughing quietly. I bite the side of her neck and she moaned quietly.

" You should save this for later."

" I will, now come on."

I carefully got off Bella, and helped her up. Her hair was a mess so I fixed it for her, not wanting to make her go downstairs and make it obvious what we were doing.

" You've got sex hair all the time." she teased, running her fingers through my hair as I held her up against me.

" Sex hair?"

" Mhm. Or like you just got out of bed."

" Well, you look all around sexy." I whispered in her ear, lightly nipping the shell of her ear.

" Is that so, Mr. Masen?"

" Sure is Miss. Swan."

She pulled away from me and smiled at me. " Hm...Do you ever think about, I don't know, me being Mrs. Isabella Masen some day?"

The smile that spread over my face gave me away completely.

" Of course I have."

" Really?"

" All the time. One day I hope that you will be Mrs. Isabella Masen...Mrs. Edward Masen."

She smiled and wrapped her arms tightly around my neck.

" I love you."

" I love you, too." she replied.

We headed back downstairs only few minutes later, and they watched us closely as we entered the living room once again. Jacob sat in a single chair near the television, looking downright irritated at me.

I took a seat on the couch, and as I adjusted my legs Bella perched herself in my lap. I rested my hands on her hips and she put her hands on both side of my legs and moved back to lean against my chest. I sat up straight and Bella grasped my hand. I was surprised at how forward she was being right now, but I didn't question her.

We kept up an easy conversation, which Jacob did not exactly seem to want to get into. We talked a little bit about Bella's new job coming up, Billy and Charlie talked about upcoming fishing trips, they asked a few more questions about my schooling, but it was easy, good-flowing, conversation.

Bella soon got up to take the roast out, and I assisted her in the kitchen. I blended the mashed potatoes for Bella, and put in the butter, sour cream, salt and pepper, the small table was set, with one of the chairs moved to the end for Jacob, so Billy could sit at the table.

Bella and I set the table, and I pulled out her chair for her to sit in. Once she had sat down, I kissed her cheek quickly and thanked her for making dinner. She insisted that I helped, but I wouldn't take the credit.

The entire meal was absolutely delicious, and Bella had really outdone herself. The roast was cooked amazingly, and the flavor was good. Everybody loved it. I rested my left hand on her thigh and moved my hand up and down her leg as I continued to eat. Her hand reached over to grasp mine on her leg, and she moved it up and held it there firmly.

For most of the dinner I kept my hand where she set it, until we finished and had to clean up. I put things in containers, and Charlie and Jacob washed and dried all of the dishes. Bella lounged on the couch, and when I had finished putting the cut up roast in a bag, I joined her.

" Was dinner good?"

" It was delicious. Now I remember why I keep you around."

Bella rolled her eyes. " I knew it."

Before I knew it the Pecan Pie was cut and everybody raved over it, even Jacob. They had put some cool whip on the top, and it was perfect. Bella had some, and she let me have a few bites of it. I was full for the most part, but I knew that I couldn't eat a whole piece.

" So, Edward, spending Christmas with your family this year?" Charlie asked

" Yes, I am. Just usual tradition." I replied.

Charlie nodded and set his empty plate down, telling me to make sure to thank Esme for the pie. She really did know how to cook and bake. Esme is just a natural talent in the kitchen, and Bella's Italian food always hits the damn spot right on.

The rest of the night went by easily without a hitch. Billy and Jacob left at around eight, and I stuck around for about an hour until I headed to the apartment. Jasper was there, of course he said nothing, and I said nothing. It was getting fucking old, but I was going to wait for him to fucking speak up and apologize about everything.

I went to my room and sat down at the end of my bed.

" Have a good time?" I suddenly heard a voice say.

I looked up and saw Jasper leaning against my doorframe.

" Yes. And yourself."

" It was...fine."

" Great." I replied shortly

" Still fucking mad at me?"

I glared at him, " No, you just need to apologize for everything that you've said. And until then; mindless chatter is just mindless chatter."

" It was a rough morning."

" Yeah, and you could have fucking stayed clear from people if you were in a bad mood. What you said to Bella was out of fucking bounds."

" So I guess it's ho's before bro's?"

" Fuck off. She's done more for me than you can imagine."

" Yeah, except get you off."

Feeling the last strike of anger rush through my veins, I stood up and violently shoved him up against the wall in the hallway, holding him against the wall firmly.

" You have no fucking business to say shit like that. Just because I don't fuck a girl within two dates doesn't mean I'm less than anything, it means I have fucking _respect _for women. Maybe you should take a few tips. Pack a bag and get the fuck out tonight, I don't want to deal with your ass."

" Kicking me out of my own apartment?"

" Get the fuck out right now, Jasper."

I shoved him once against the wall before walking away. I went into my bedroom, shut and locked the door, and slammed my hands against my desk in anger, almost pushing the laptop off of the desk. I heard the front door slam and I reached for my phone.

" Hello?" Bella answered tiredly.

" I basically just kicked Jasper out." I said in a whisper.

" What happened?"

" He was fucking talking to me, sounding like a fucking douche bag over you."

" Edward, don't fight my battle, okay. It has nothing to do with you."

" I was sticking up for you." I stated, becoming defensive.

" I know that. But it's not fair for your friendship with Jasper suffer because some issues he has with me. That's not fair; to either of you."

" So I was just supposed to stand there while he said he wouldn't apologize, insinuating this was a 'ho's before bro's' situation, and went as far as to comment on our private life. I'm not going to let him get away with anything like that. You know that I could just sit there and say absolutely fucking nothing to him."

" I never said that Edward," she expressed in an exasperated tone.

I sensed her agitation; it flooded out of the fucking phone.

" Whatever, I'll just go. Goodnight."

" Don't fucking get like that right now, Edward."

" Get like what?"

" This irritated, you-don't-agree-with-me-so-fuck-off attitude."

" I never said that, Bella. Stop assuming it." I groused.

" Whatever. I don't want to deal with you tonight, goodnight, Edward."

She hung up before I could even process another thought. I stated at my phone, suddenly finding myself feeling like that insecure little kid from so many years ago. Pain struck my entire body, and I felt my chest aching, my heart beating wildly in my ears. The pangs of pain almost crippled me to the ground.

I gasped for a breath and bent forward.

_I don't want to deal with you tonight._

I clenched my hand around my phone, hearing just the smallest crack come from my tight grip on it. I launched it against the nearest wall and felt myself falling to my knees on the hard floor, giving into the pain and agony of many years.

I heard a scream echo in my ears, loud and piercing in my ears.

Flashbacks hit me in a flurry of words, and relentless scene's playing in my head.

_You're a fucking mistake. You've always been a fucking mistake._

I stood up and stumbled my way to the bathroom, sure that I was about to get sick in that moment. When I got to the bathroom, I leaned forward against the counter.

_" I think he got jealous."_

My fault. I asked to be this fucked up.

_" When you were around three, you were taking a little bit more to me."_

I made such stupid fucking mistakes at an age.

It was nobody's fault but myself.

_" I don't want you to blame yourself for anything."_

_" You were never the fucking son I wanted."_

_Kick._

_Blood splattered all around me, on my hands as I coughed violently._

" I'M SORRY!" I screamed, staring myself in the mirror and seeing his face staring back at me.

My arm swung forward and collided with the mirror. I felt the glass stick into my skin, and the remaining glass shattered all over the counter around me, falling down on the floor. I let out a strangled cry and saw a piece of the mirror still hanging on, cracked in many places and creating a marred vision of my face.

I struggled backwards holding my hand, feeling the sharp pain in my flesh from the stuck glass, blood dripping down my fingers and curling around my wrist. I sunk down to the ground, gasping. I pressed my hands to the floor, hearing the crunching of glass underneath my shoes.

_" I wish you were dead."_

_" Can't take a hit, kid?"_

_" You aren't worth anything, don't fool yourself into thinking you are."_

_" I should've known from the beginning you were the biggest mistake."_

_" You think one day some girl is going to want to marry someone so broken like you? You're nothing."_

I curled in a ball, lying down on the hard tiled floor of the bathroom.

My father didn't want me.

My mother couldn't face me.

And the love of my life couldn't deal with me.

I wasn't worth anything, and he had been right.

I was a nothing.

No girl would ever put up with me. I wouldn't be loved truly.

And I had nobody to blame but myself.

I made myself completely unlovable to everybody.

Carlisle and Esme were only trying to fix a broken person.

Alice and Emmett were obligated to be around me because their parents made me a part of their perfect family.

I couldn't be a Cullen.

I was a fucked up Masen. And I was no better than my father had ever been.

And the way he was wasn't his fault.

It was mine.

I stood up on shaky legs and went to the broken mirror, opening up the cabinet behind it.

I grabbed the familiar pill bottle, only refilled three days ago.

Twenty seven pills all in total.

I opened up the bottle and unscrewed the cap, dumping the contents of the pills, some fell and scattered to the floor from my violently shaking hands. I turned the sink on, threw my head back with my hand over my mouth. I cupped water in my hands and felt all of the pills sliding down my throat.

Moments passed.

Everything blurred.

I felt myself slowly falter, and I leaned against the wall, slowly moving down once again as I felt everything slip away.

"_I don't want to deal with you tonight."_

The words echoed.

My heart beat finally slowed.

I closed my eyes with a sigh

Now nobody would have to worry about the burden of dealing with me.

It was better this way.

For everybody.

For me.

It was finally over.

**Authors Note- **

**I'm really nervous about posting this, almost three years into FF writing and I am still getting jitters. This was incredibly intense to write, and I bet even more intense to read.**

**Tell me your thoughts! Feel free to let out the anger and sadness, or throw things at me.**

**Review!**


	36. Striving

**Authors Note- Alrighty, here is the next chapter for ya.**

**Maybe a tissue is necessary?**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

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EPOV

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_Beep_

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_Beep_

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_Beep_

" I think he's waking up."

" Edward, sweetheart."

I felt a hand holding mine, squeezing my fingers gently.

" I love you, Edward. Please open your eyes."

Fingers brushed gently through my hair and I leaned into the touch. It was familiar.

I wondered if this was what death felt like, until I could feel the underlying pain. I didn't know someone could feel pain in heaven. Or was I in hell?

When I took a breath, everything hurt. My stomach felt like it had been turned inside out and upside down inside of my body, and it, out of everything, hurt the most. I wasn't sure if I wanted to curl up in a ball or go throw up.

My lungs felt like someone had been relentlessly squeezing them, making it a little hard to breath, but I was still somehow able to. I could feel my ribs aching painfully with each passing breath, and I wanted to groan from the pain.

My entire body felt like someone had smacked a boulder right into me. I felt completely and entirely drained to the point where I didn't even want to open my eyes. A gentle hand brushed over my cheek and I slowly started to open my eyes.

The bright light hit me and I winced away. I heard someone shuffle to turn it down and I completely opened my eyes. I expected white walls, and only saw dark burgundy ones. Everything was quite blurry, and it took a few seconds for things to focus.

I stared at the ceiling for a moment, groaning upon feeling the full force of pain that was wracking my body. I wish that it would go away. When I moved my head, it pounded, and I tried to look forward, my eyes moving tiredly around the room

I saw Carlisle standing next to the bed, along with Esme. There was Alice, Rosalie and Emmett also.

And I also saw Bella.

The thought of her name made my eyes sting with tears. I could still hear her words ringing through my head, piercing my entire being and making my chest ache. I didn't want to feel like that about her.

Why was I still alive?

" Edward, son." I heard Carlisle say.

I distantly heard Alice's quiet sobs from the chair she sat in. Emmett stood next to the chair, slowly rubbing Alice's back and trying in his own way to soothe her. Rosalie stood next to Emmett, teary eyed with a faraway look in them. When I looked over to Carlisle, he looked hurt, and pained, and had a crying Esme who was shaking against him.

I didn't understand this.

Why were they crying?

" Why are you all crying?" I rasped out with a dry throat.

Many looks of disbelief were in my direction, and I felt myself taking in an uneven breath. They looked at me as if I were absolutely insane, and I almost felt like it for a moment, until I just kept wondering why they were upset.

" How can you even ask that, Edward?" Bella asked, moving to rest her head on my hipbone.

" A-And you said you didn't want to...deal with me." I struggled out, trying to make sense out of her.

Slowly she broke down into almost hysterics on me, crying and saying that everything had been all her fault. It took me by complete surprise. I lifted my hand and rested it weakly on the back of her neck, trying in my own way to console her, but being unable to completely calm her down.

I was weak.

" Don't cry over me."

" How could you do this? How could you try to kill yourself Edward." Bella asked, wiping her tears from her face, but they were only replaced by more.

" I fucked up my entire life."

" No you didn't, Edward...And who cares if you mess up, Edward. This isn't the way out, how could you not only do that to yourself, but to me, to your family." Bella shouted.

Rosalie pulled Bella back, trying to restrain her. I could see Bella slowly losing it, and Rosalie was only making it worse by trying to stop her. Bella deserved to get everything off her mind. I wasn't going to let her bottle anything inside.

" No, let her go."

" I love you! I LOVE YOU!" she suddenly screamed, " How do you not understand!"

Bella sunk down to the floor in absolute hysterics while Esme and Rosalie tried to help her up, whispering quietly to her. My heart stabbed with pain for her, and I felt my body becoming tense as I watched it all unfold.

I wanted to be the one next to her holding her up, but I couldn't be in this state. My head pulsed uncomfortably and took a deep breath.

My head lolled to the side, and I tried to say that everything was going to be okay in my head.

It wasn't all going to be okay.

" Let's leave Bella and Edward alone for a minute, okay?" Carlisle said

Before I could even blink Alice launched herself into my arms and hugged me tightly. I felt her warm tears against my neck, and I slowly moved my hand to rest on her back, just laying there and not saying a word.

" I love you." she said firmly before getting off and wiping her tears.

They all cleared the room quickly, Carlisle giving me a short nod before shutting the door. Bella sat with her head down in a chair near the bed. I looked up at the ceiling, trying to take everything in. The silence was making me more nervous as more time passed.

Bella was quiet for a long moment, sitting with her head in her hands.

" I went over to the apartment ten minutes after I hung up. I called you relentlessly afterwards because I...I didn't mean what I said, and it was completely not me. When you didn't answer I got scared, and I went over...You were laying on the floor, and your hand was bleeding, glass everywhere. I screamed, and screamed and you just didn't respond to anything. Your heartbeat just kept getting slower and the paramedics just made it. They said if it was ten minutes longer you probably would have been gone. You would have been...dead."

She stood up and moved towards me. I reached out for her, wincing at the pain from my bandaged right hand. Bella laid down next to me with her face buried in my neck, sobs wracking her little body.

" I don't want you to leave me. I can't live without you, Edward. I'm just as dependent on you as you are of me." she choked out between sobs.

" I hate feeling like a burden."

Bella sat up and looked at me, tears streaking down her face, and resting her hand on my cheek. She leaned towards me, staring me straight into my eyes.

" You are _not _a burden. You are the man that I love. Edward, you mean the absolute world to me. You are my world, and I can't live without you. You can't do this...Killing yourself would ruin your family. It would ruin me."

" No, it wouldn't."

" Don't say that. You mean so much to them, and if seeing them so broken up over this isn't a slap in the face, then something is very wrong."

" I want it all to go away."

" What do you want to go away. Tell me."

" The fighting, my past, the stress of everything...I need it all to go away."

Bella nodded and leaned forward to rest her forehead against mine.

" You have to speak up about things, Edward. You have to. And you have to realize that it's okay to need help."

She rested her head on my chest, and I used my uninjured hand to run through her hair.

" I love you. Do you love me?"

" I do love you."

Our moment suddenly ended when Carlisle walked in, a doctor next to him who was holding a chart. I knew it was mine, and I almost wanted to just curl up in a ball and just end all of it. I had been so close, but now I had to deal with all of this aftermath.

I couldn't just get up from this bed, be discharged and walk out of this room like I was all fine and okay.

I wasn't okay.

I was suicidal.

They were probably going to keep me here for evaluation, and many other processes because of all this.

I wondered what would happen to Medical School for me.

The student looking to become a doctor, to help people, tried to kill himself.

What a joke.

" Edward, this is Dr. Jergens, one of my colleagues."

Virginia Mason Private Hospital?

" Hello, Edward. I've seen you've woken up, and I presume you are probably in a lot of body pain."

I nodded.

" Well, I just wanted to go over a few things. Last night when you were taken into the Emergency Room we had to pump your stomach. You had overdosed with about twenty pills which are one a half milligram's of the Xanax you were prescribed I hear. As I said, we had to pump your stomach, and you were very lucky; you almost didn't make it." He said, looking over the chart.

" What we're going to do is keep you here to evaluate your behavior, and we are going to be having a psychologist come see you within the next couple of days to talk to you, and discuss where everything will go after that, okay?"

" When do I get to leave?"

" Edward, you tried to kill yourself." he said slowly.

" Yeah, I understand that." I said, fighting an eye roll.

" We need to keep you here for a few days to evaluate you. Obviously there is a reason behind you trying to kill yourself, and I and your family want to try and get to the bottom of everything to do what is best for you. We only just want to help you, Edward."

" Fine, but I'm getting out of here within three days. Send in a damn psychologist, but I'm not going into a psychiatric ward."

" We're going to find you some good help, son." Carlisle stated.

Bella rested her hand on my chest, watching me closely.

I was exhausted.

I wanted to sleep.

" Carlisle, is there any way that I could stay here?" Bella asked forwardly.

" It's not usually al-"

" I need to know that I can be with him and he's okay, if you tell me no I'm still going to find a way."

Carlisle nodded and that was all that there was to it.

The rest of the family soon came in afterwards, and Alice sat in the chair, close to the bed. Rosalie sat on the arm of the chair, and Emmett sat at the end of the bed.

I felt like I mattered.

Bella never moved from my side, in fact, I was pretty sure that she had herself glued herself to me. She was tired, I could tell, and I wanted to just take a nap, but the others were very adamantly talking to me. Esme went to the apartment to get a few things for me; because there was no fucking way I was going to wear this hospital gown.

They could keep me here, but that didn't mean that I was going to wear the attire to add to it

The psychologist was apparently going to be coming here within the next two days, which would be on the third day being here. I hoped that would be all; I didn't want to stay here any longer than I actually had to.

I wasn't sure that I even wanted to talk about it, but I knew that I had to.

I knew that maybe talking to somebody would do well for me.

At this point, though, I felt like there was nothing.

Which is why I tried to end it.

End myself.

Jasper didn't show up, and I honestly did not want him to. I was angry at him, and I could see in Alice's eyes that she was heartbroken by how he'd been acting. Nobody knew where he was after I told him to leave, and he didn't answer phone calls apparently.

It didn't matter anymore.

I was finished with it all anyways.

When Esme returned with a bag, I was able to put on familiar clothes and lay on a pillow that didn't feel like a piece of cardboard. For a private hospital, they should have better pillows. But they did have thick white blankets that were somewhat fucking comfortable.

Nurses came in, flirted, and gave me pain medicine every few hours. Carlisle, Esme...Everybody stayed, and they sat and talked, laughed, and tried to avoid the gigantic elephant in the room. They tried of course, but it didn't exactly ease the awkwardness of it all.

I tried to kill myself.

And I didn't want to sit here and smile, and laugh. I wasn't going to pretend things were okay anymore.

When visiting hours came, everybody had to leave, but Bella stayed. Alice had brought Bella a bag of things, and she changed her clothes in the hospital room's bathroom. The room was more like a nice hotel room. Instead of just chairs, there was a couch against the wall of a window, a flat screen above a tall wooden, rectangle shaped table against the wall with plants on it. Instead of white walls, they were a dark burgundy, it was less depressing.

Bella hopped into the bed next to me, sighing quietly as she settled her head on my shoulder.

" I'm sorry." I whispered.

" What are you sorry for?"

" For making you feel like you have to be here."

" Edward, you don't. I want to be here." she murmured, draping her arm over my stomach.

I turned as good as I could with the IV attached to me, and I wrapped my arms around her tightly, burying my face in her neck. She threaded her fingers through my hair and held me closely.

" It's all going to be alright."

" How do you know?"

" I'm here, always. I don't want you to ever feel like you can't talk to me about anything. What I said on the phone...Edward, I didn't mean it. When I said it and realized it, I felt sick."

I rubbed her back softly and kissed the side of her neck.

" And when I saw you on the floor I thought I lost you. Oh god, I almost lost you."

She cried, and cried, small sobs escaping her. I tried to comfort her, but I was sure that I probably caused damage that would take more than a few hours to heal. I felt awful that I had put her in the situation of where she found me like she had.

Bella doesn't deserve that.

" I'm here, it's okay."

" Do you want to be here? Or do you wish that I hadn't made it in time?"

I had no idea how to respond to the question. Because I wasn't sure I wanted to be in either.

" I don't want either, Bella."

" Do you want me?"

" Of course I do."

" Then why did you try to leave me?"

" Because I couldn't handle the way I'm feeling inside."

Her face was leveled with mine, and she once again rested her forehead on mine. I closed my eyes and leaned into her. Her hands ran over the sides of my face and into my hair. I felt her kiss the side of my jaw softly before moving towards the corner of my mouth, and finally pressing her lips fully on mine.

I wanted to consume her, live her, and have nothing else to do with anything. All I wanted was Bella, and I wanted to be a Medical student, successfully. It was all I wanted, nothing else mattered besides that.

" I love you." I whispered passionately against her lips.

" Promise me you'll never do it again. Promise."

" I promise."

Her lips consumed mine, making me forget everything.

That was all I wanted.

~\\~

" So, Edward. Would you like to tell me why you are here?"

You know why I'm here.

" I tried to kill myself." I stated, looking away.

" Okay, well I am glad that you are aware of your actions. That is a very good start. Would you like to tell me why you tried to kill yourself?"

" Not exactly."

" Okay, well, how about you tell me about your family. Dr. Cullen and his wife adopted you when you were fifteen right?"

" Yes."

" Do you like the Cullen's?"

" Carlisle and Esme have done very much for me; I am very grateful that they accepted me into their family graciously."

" Would you say that you are close with them?"

" Yes."

" How about...Emmett and Alice is it?"

" Yes."

" What about Emmett? Do you both have a good relationship?"

" What are you trying to ask me, really?"

" Do you feel comfortable around Emmett."

" Not always. But not because he is a bad person."

" Why is it then?"

I started to get nervous. I felt sweat gather on my forehead and I wrung my hands together, trying to stop my leg from fidgeting everywhere. With a deep sigh I looked down at my lap, and then I looked back at the psychologist.

Dr. Katherine Fare.

Straight blonde hair, green eyes, slender body and somewhat tall. She had on a fancy black suit and expensive looking blouse underneath it, finished off with high heels and makeup on her fair toned face. Early thirties or late twenties I could guess, she looked rather new to this, but knew what she was doing.

At least that was something good.

" My father abused me as a child, I'm generally wary of all male figures." I bluntly said.

" When did your father started abusing you?"

" I don't know, two-three years old."

She nodded. " And where is your father now?"

" Dead."

" How did he die?"

" Why does it matter?"

" I just want to know more about your life, Edward, that is all. If I can evaluate you correctly, then I can get you the best help."

" I don't need help."

She quirked one perfect eyebrow at me.

" Fine. My mother killed him. It was a self-defense case. That same night I was brutally beaten, put in the hospital, and my mother skipped town to deal with her own problems."

" I hear that your mother has recently come back into your life, and has caused much stress."

" She came into town a few weeks ago, and tried to get in contact with me."

" Have you spoken to her?"

" Yes."

" I can understand that you probably have a lot of anger towards her, feelings of abandonment, fear. It's understandable especially when she left at probably a very hard time in your life, you were alone, vulnerable and scared. Did those feelings come back when she came around?"

" Yes." I sighed

She nodded, " Did you tell her how you felt?"

" Yes, I did."

" And?"

" And nothing. We fucking sat down, talked about it, and end of story. She left because she had to deal with it on her own, it doesn't matter."

" It does to you, Edward. Very much."

I scoffed.

" I understand that you think you can deal with things on your own, that you don't need to rely on anybody, but you do, and that's okay. You will have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes; us people need help. Now, I am going to give you a list of numbers for a psychiatrist, and I will also tell your family about this list. Think about yourself, Edward, do something good for you to help you in your future. I know that you can accomplish great things."

Without anything more said, she left a piece of paper on the table in front of me and stood up, grabbing her brief case and confidently walking out of the room, her heels clicking on the floor. I leaned back in the chair, sighing deeply with too many thoughts running through my head.

Three days in this hospital it's been.

It was all people watching me closely, my family walking on eggshells around me. Jasper standing awkwardly in corners next to Alice saying not a word, and Bella somewhat close to an emotional wreck over this.

I knew that I couldn't continue myself on the path I was on. Hell, I veered off that fucking path months ago, and I knew that I had to either do something about it, or either go down this path again. And I didn't want to do that.

I wanted to be someone who was worthy of Bella.

I wanted to be someone worthy of being part of the Cullen family.

Bella hesitantly walked into the room, and I stood up.

They had taken me off the IV last night; I would most likely be able to go home tomorrow. I was tired of being in here, it felt like a prison almost, and I have only left this damn room once. Everything I needed was in here, or brought to me, including food, clothes and basically anything else, so I technically had no reason to leave here.

" How was it?"

" Questions, more questions, prying, and she gave me a list of psychiatrists."

" What are you going to do?"

" Call one of them and hopefully try and...work through this."

Bella wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly. I sighed into her neck, holding her tightly.

" I'm proud of you.".

" I want to get out of here."

" Speaking of living arrangements...Carlisle needs to talk to you about something."

" What is it? Don't fucking tell me he wants me to stay with him and Esme because of this. I can take care of myself."

" No, that's not it...But...Obviously you can't stay by yourself right now, Edward. I know that you want to just get back into your schedule, but this changed things."

" I'm fine."

" Please, Edward...Just, please. Let Carlisle say what he wants right now, okay?"

I didn't go sit on the hospital bed; I was fucking tired of it.

I sat down in the chair once again, and perched Bella in my lap. Carlisle and Esme both walked into the room, and Carlisle held two envelopes in his hands. He sat down in the chair that the psychologist had previously, and set both on the table. One enveloped looked more worn, the other one crisp and clean white.

" Edward, these were left at your apartment by your mother. She must have mailed them a few days ago. When Esme went to pick up your mail she found both of these in the pile. And I want to talk to you about it."

" Okay."

" One is the contract to your great-grandfathers house, and all of the papers for the house. She is leaving the house to you, and there is also a letter in this other envelope that she wrote for you. I have not read it."

She left me a house.

My great-grandfather Nicholas' house.

My breath caught for a moment before I felt Bella rest her hand on my leg and give it a squeeze.

" She did?"

" Yes, she did." Carlisle stated, grabbing the worn envelope and taking out the contents.

There was the contract to the house; also another paper that listed signatures of other ancestors and family members that had the house for themselves, my mother's name was last on this list, her signature. There was more lines going down the page, and the next blank line below my mother's was a date written next to it. It was dated December 20th, 2008.

And if I chose to sign it and go over it with whoever the contract was signed with, the house would be mine. It would probably be the only thing I would ever have from early family. Or even from my family in general. I picked up the paper, running my hands over it.

" I never thought she would...She told me she was going to sell it. The reason she came to Seattle was so that she could fix it up to put it on the market. I don't understand why she would decide to give it to me."

" Well, that is probably explained in the letter that she sent you. You can read it when you choose, but I know the decision about the house has to be made within thirty days, or else the house will belong to the state of Washington."

" Bella mentioned something about living arrangements."

" Carlisle and I spoke to Bella concerning you. Obviously, you and Jasper haven't been on great terms, and we also talked to him about the situation. If you decide soon that you want to keep your great-grandfathers house, than Bella has graciously offered to stay with you. Obviously, it would take time to move out of the apartment, but we don't want you alone for now."

" I won't make Bella my babysitter."

" That's not what I am. But, look, I have time on my hands right now, and I want to spend time with you. I want to help you."

" It's playing babysitter."

" Goddammit, Edward, either you let me stay with you or you can be put in a psychiatric ward where someone strangers can monitor you day in and day out. Take your pick."

" Can I be alone for a short while. I just want to read this letter and process everything that is going on right now." I said shortly.

Carlisle and Esme nodded in understanding and walked out immediately. Bella however watched me for a moment, not saying anything. Afterwards she stood up and wrapped her arms around me, whispering her love in my ear before releasing me. I gave her a lingering kiss and sighed as she drifted from my arms. When the door closed, I sat on the edge of the hospital bed.

I fiddled with the corners of the white letter before opening it, finding a perfectly folded piece of paper inside. I was almost afraid to open it, but I knew that I had to get some courage and face it. This was just a letter, and I wouldn't let it ruin my life.

I unfolded the letter with a deep sigh.

_December 21st, 2008_

_My Dearest Edward,_

**Author Note- I'm a tease. I know. Just for future reference; I won't be dragging out the hospital stay very much.**

**Last chapter I got some major love, and I loved that major love. Feel free to majorly love me again!**


	37. Rise Above

**Authors Note- This chapter is a bit longer. Part of this was chapter 38 but I decided to add a little bit more to it, so here it is! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

_December 21st, 2008_

_My Dearest Edward,_

_I know this letter is probably coming as a surprise to you. I didn't want to put you through any more pain than you already have facing the situation. When you are ready, I want you to know that I am always here. You can call me if you want, and visit when you are ready. I am so happy that you at least gave me one chance to tell you how the situation was from my point of it._

_Despite might you might think sometimes; I love you so very much. You hold a place in my heart that absolutely nobody in the world could ever replace. There was never a moment in my life that I have ever stopped loving you. Even when you pushed me away, and when you tried not to acknowledge my presence in your recent life. I'm sorry for all of the stress that I have caused you, and the hurt, abandonment and fear that you have carried around your entire life. I never wanted it for you, but I know that with the family you have now; everything will work out for you perfectly._

_Let them into your heart, Edward. Show them the Edward I know who is truly inside of your heart. Underneath the anger and sadness is that boy who is full of life and happiness. He is in there, I know he is, and let them people see that side._

_For the longest time I never thought I would ever get the chance to see you again. I thought that I would have never been able to tell you everything, but I can't tell you that I wasn't ever not scared to face you. But you are a man worth something, and I know that in the future, you will be the best husband and father that anybody could ask for; because you will know how to treat your family with the respect that your father should have had all of those years when you were a child._

_You have lost so much in your life, but there is one thing that I want you to have. Your great-grandfather Nicholas' house. I want you to do what you want with the house. You can live there, or you can decide to sell it. The choice is completely up to you, but I want you to have it. All of the paperwork is in the envelope, and all the information to sign the contract, or in thirty days the property will belong to the state._

_I want you to know that I love you, Edward. I do._

_Sincerely,_

_Elizabeth_

Her phone number and address was listed below in her elegant writing.

She didn't give an exact reason as to why she wanted me to have the house, besides the fact that she knew that I lost a lot of my life from back then. Not that I wanted it back.

It meant a lot to me.

I looked over the letter again, folding and unfolding it as thoughts rushed through my head.

I wasn't going to be calling her anytime soon, or going to even see her right now. I needed time right now to heal from everything in my life. This was a choice I knew that I had to make, because I had to do what was right for me for once.

With one chance to live, you only have one chance to make everything right again. Nobody gets a second life, and for the first time in my life I actually realized that. With a deep sigh I folded up the letter one last time and put it back in the envelope, as I was doing this, I noticed something inside of the envelope I hadn't seen.

It was a ring, and also a small note on thin paper.

When I looked at it, I saw that the ring was my father's mother's ring. I was honestly sure it was an engagement ring.

I'd never met my grandmother Evelyn, but when I was a young boy my grandfather, who taught me to play the piano, talked so much of her. I knew he always missed her, and he always talked about her; especially when we sat down to have dinner. I'd seen many pictures of her, but she had died three years before I was even born.

I picked up the ring and marveled at it. The band was a shiny gold, and there were diamonds set in an oval shape, many little diamonds that glimmered in the light. It was a beautiful ring, absolutely gorgeous. I put it inside with the envelope and sealed it securely.

I sent Bella a text, not wanting to be without her longer than should be. She came back into the room within almost seconds and sat on the bed next to me.

" I want to go see the house and go from there...If I don't feel right about it, I won't be doing it."

She nodded and leaned forward with her arms open. I took her in my arms, being careful of my injured hand. I felt her burrow into me, resting her hand on my stomach. I breathed in her scent, feeling it ease me to my core.

Everyone else had left, but Bella stayed and we napped together in the bed. She had brought me a blanket, one that was actually hers, to sleep with. Since she hadn't slept here last night, because I insisted that she should get some real sleep, she brought me this and I didn't sleep great, but I slept alright. It had her scent on it.

" I think as long as I have you, I can sleep on cement." Bella stated.

" Cement?"

" Mhm."

" When are you planning on leaving?"

" I'll stay with you tonight. You're most likely going home tomorrow."

" Where is home?"

" Uhm...Carlisle doesn't think you should go back to the apartment; considering what went on there. So, he figured that you could stay with him and Esme, look at the house, and see where to go from there. Either way I think Jasper is getting a single apartment on campus. So if you don't take your great-grandfathers house then you will have to go apartment scouting."

I sighed, " This is great."

" I told my dad about what happened...He actually seemed kind of worried about you."

" That's odd."

" I think he kind of likes you. He just won't say it out loud yet." Bella teased.

" Mm, I bet."

I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist and pulled her to me.

" I brought some pasta salad. It's in the fridge. And I snuck in a coke for you."

" Thank you so much."

" I think if the nurse's would have brought you one more bottle of fruit punch you would have hurt them."

" I swear. I just said to bring me water if they wanted to bring me something. Fucking water. Not fruit punch."

She smiled at me and kissed my jaw, " I know, green eyes."

" Damn fruit punch."

~\\~

I signed my name for the last time on the discharge papers. I was ready to get the fuck out of here. My things were already together and Bella was with me. I knew she was nervous about me leaving. These past few days were probably her only peace of mind that I was okay, but I assured her that I wasn't going to be doing what I had again.

It would take time for her to believe me.

After saying a 'fuck no' to being wheeled out, Bella and Carlisle walked with me out of the hospital. I turned to Bella and reached out for my keys. She shook her head.

" Give me the keys to my car."

Again, she just said no. I reached into her back pocket and took them out. Carlisle didn't say anything about the exchange, he just smirked at us. I threw my bag in the back, and Bella sat there, while Carlisle sat in the passenger seat.

When I sat in my car, I enjoyed how familiar it all felt. I started up the car, hearing the familiar purr, and headed towards the Cullen's house. Carlisle and Bella were quite for the most part, and I was glad that they were giving me some space. I didn't want to be handled with kid gloves.

My hand still hurt, and was still cut up, but they took off the cast and it was now just wrapped up with gauze underneath the ace bandage. It wasn't that bad, and I had pain medicine for it; which was to be given to me by someone else. I wasn't allowed to have access to pills on my own anymore.

Fucking great.

When I got to the Cullen's, Esme of course got into an excited ' I'm glad you're home', spiel. I wasn't exactly in the mood for it. I thanked her and Carlisle for letting me stay with them a few days, and headed upstairs with Bella.

I was surprised to see most of my things at the apartment in here. I looked at Bella and she shrugged sheepishly.

" Alice and Emmett have been helping out."

I sighed and sat down on the bed. Bella sat down next to me, taking my hand in hers.

" It's going to be okay."

" Sometimes I wish I wasn't saved that night." I told her honestly.

Her hand squeezed mine tighter. I looked over and saw her tearing up slightly.

" I'm sorry for saying that."

" Don't apologize, because eventually I'm going to make sure that you say you're glad that you made it. And mean it."

She stood up and grabbed my bag, putting it on the bed. As she walked over to my old dresser, she opened up the drawer and I saw my clothes tucked in neatly. Bella took off her shoes and unzipped her jeans, working them down her smooth creamy legs. I stared at the curve of her ass, and the smooth curves of her tiny waist, slim hips and down her long shapely legs.

She then tossed her shirt over her head and grabbed one of mine. Once it was on her she untucked her hair from the neck and turned towards me.

" I'm going to take a nap in the other room. You can settle in."

" I don't want you sleeping on a damn water bed."

" I've been sleeping in a small hospital bed with you. I'll be fine. I love you."

Bella gave me a long lingering kiss before walking out of the room, going across the hall and closing the guest bedroom door shut behind her. I stood up and grabbed the bag containing clothes that needed to be washed. I headed downstairs and got started on it, and as I was putting Tide into the detergent slot, Esme appeared.

" Oh, let me do that for you, Edward."

" I can do my laundry, Esme. But thanks for offering."

" But you just got ho-"

" I'm fine." I said, cutting her off sharply.

Her expression changed, and she looked crest-fallen.

" I'm sorry, okay? I just need to get a sense of normalcy if everybody wants me to get better. I don't want to be babied or watched twenty four seven."

She nodded, " Okay, Edward."

I finished with the load of laundry and started it up. Afterwards I sat outside on the step and smoked a cigarette, no sound in the air besides my breathing. The entire backyard was covered in a thin sheet of snow, untouched and slick. The silence made my mind wander, and I felt the chest pains and the sting of tears in my eyes.

I heard the sliding glass door open and close. There was nobody in the house that I wanted to see me like this.

" I'm fine." I stated, my voice cracking.

" No, Edward. You aren't okay." Carlisle stated steadily.

I bent over and felt the tears falling. I couldn't stop them, and I didn't even want to try. It was no use holding anything in anymore. I was sick and tired of _being _sick and tired of everything. Carlisle said something beside me in a hushed voice, and I was unable to understand. He walked closer towards me and sat down.

" It's not fucking fair." I cried, tugging and pulling at the strands of my hair.

" I know, Edward."

" No, you don't know. Nobody knows, and they need to stop telling me they know how I feel, and that they know and understand. Nobody understands how I feel."

The door opened once more and I felt someone kneel behind me and two tiny arms wrap around my neck. I knew it was Bella

" I don't want this. I don't want people to feel like they have to fucking help me when I can't be helped."

Bella moved to sit next to me on the step, still wearing my shirt, but also her jeans back on. I felt her take me in her arms, running her fingers through my hair as my head rested on her shoulder. She didn't say anything to me, but eventually I found myself stumbling upstairs with her. I laid on the bed and she curled up beside me.

" Talk to me, Edward, please."

" I want to feel worth something. I want to be the man you deserve, the one who takes you out on Saturday night dates and can laugh with you about everything. I want to look like I can actually fit in with this family, and I want to be a normal person with a normal life and loving every minute of it. You deserve so much better than me. So much better, Bella." I told her, resting my hand on her cheek as tears fell freely down my face.

" Don't say that. I picked you because of who you are, and I love you; that includes everything that comes along with you." she said.

" You can't love all of that...All of _this_."

" It's not a walk in the park, but I love you. And I want to be here with you more than anything in the entire world. There is no place I'd rather be than here with you. And I don't need to go out on special dates every Saturday night. And you may not look like them, but you complete this family. We've got Emmett who thinks he is tough and all that, bubbly Alice, and the not so shy but appears to be Edward. Normal is boring anyways, I hate normal."

I sighed and brushed her hair from her eyes before moving my hands down to her jeans. I pulled at the button until it was out and unzipped them. Once they were off Bella grasped my belt and threw it off somewhere in the room. I tossed my jeans to the floor near hers as her hands worked on the buttons of the shirt I wore.

She leaned forward and kissed me slowly as she ran her hands over my shoulders and down my arms, taking the shirt with her. Then she put her hands under my wife beater and pushed it up. Once it was over my head she buried her face in my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held her closely.

" I'll be here every single step of the way to help you. I love you."

" I know you do, sunshine. I love you, too."

" Promise me you'll try..."

" I promise."

" Okay."

" I want to marry you someday." I whispered into the crook of her neck.

" And I might say yes one day." she replied.

" I might like that."

Bella laughed quietly and pushed on my shoulders, making me lay on my back. She seated herself on my lap and stared down at me.

" I miss your long hair."

" I know."

I ran my hands over her soft curves, marveling at the feeling of her smooth skin under the shirt. She steadied herself with her hands on my hips, and closed her eyes under my touch. I liked that she was enjoying it. I used my free hand to reach up and trace her delicate features, from the slope of her nose to her straight jaw.

Catching her by surprise I sat up quickly and pushed her on her back, laying over her. She let out a gasp of surprise and I claimed her lips with mine, still letting my hand wander under the shirt.

She bit my lip and I groaned before pulling away.

" You cloud my thoughts."

" Is that good."

" Yeah, most of the time."

With a long yawn and laid down beside Bella, laying the opposite way on the bed. She sat up and grabbed a pillow. I rested my head on it and she did the same, her face inches away from mine. I tangled our hands together and held them between us.

" You're my everything, do you know that?" I informed her.

She nodded, " I know. And you're mine also."

I wrapped my arm around her and she sighed against my chest before quieting, the only sound was her very quiet breathing. I soon fell asleep, her in my arms, in my bed, and it was the only thing that felt right, right now.

~\\~

It was only the next day I was heading to my great-grandfathers house. I was a little bit nervous, but I was still somehow keeping it together. Bella was coming with me today, and only Bella. I didn't want to do this alone, and she wanted to come along with me anyways to look at the house.

When I pulled up to the street, I felt the hairs on my neck stand up. Bella squeezed my hand reassuringly and I looked around the neighborhoods. This was a Victorian subdivision, and all of the houses dated back to even the 1800's, they were in amazing condition it appeared to be, and some of them even looked familiar.

" Here it is. 2311...Masen street? Is that ironic?"

I chuckled, " Yes, considering he was on my mother's side."

I looked to my right and saw that it was indeed the house. I pulled up to the house, parking in the empty driveway. I had the key to the house; Carlisle had given it to me because Elizabeth had also left it at the apartment. There were three of the keys, and she gave me each copy.

When I got out of the car, I looked up.

On each side of the house there was a set of stairs to get inside, although the one to the left was more of a side door, and the one nearest to the driveway was the main entrance and there was a wraparound porch in the back.

There was a turret by the stairs to the main front door, and on the second floor the turret had a balcony up on top. The siding was a light sage green, and at some high peaks there was a darker green stone, and the house had a dusty red color for the window accents and others. It looked the same, but I could tell it was freshly painted and everything, no chips or anything.

I stood and stared, and I barely felt Bella standing next to me. I looked up and at the top of the turret, and the tip was the familiar north, east, south, and west direction sign made out of wrought iron. It had always been up there, and it sparked memories.

Soon I grabbed the key from my pocket and headed up the stairs with Bella's hand in mine. The stairs creaked only slightly, but not much. I stood at the front door and put the key in the lock before opening it.

The inside looked nothing on the outside.

On the inside it looked all bright, crisp and clean, while the outside was still nice, but looked more classic style and older.

It didn't look the same. The deep dark wooden floors and wood paneled walls were replaced with light wood and dry wall. The foyer was open and light despite the dreary day. Off to the left was where the turret was, it was basically like a small library. There were modern black shelves that were all along the walls, and even were built around the window. It was big and expanse. I loved it.

Almost in the middle of the foyer, but slightly off to the right was a familiar spiral staircase, with a black wrought iron railing, the same light wood going up the stairs, but with a stripe of rich red carpeting in the middle. To the complete right was a dining room obviously, there was a very old style chandelier hanging in the middle of the room.

I remembered it.

I started walking forward down the open hall, to the left was a bathroom, and to the right was a coat closet. And straight forward were double doors out back, and to the right was the kitchen, which also was connected to the dining room. It was modern looking, same light wood floors, but there were white cabinets from top to bottom, and on the top they were white framed and built, but glass in the front, stainless steel fridge, microwave and a double side to side stove, and nice dark tan granite counter tops. It was also very light and open, and there was also an island in the middle with another, more modern, black wrought iron with frosted glass and lights inside of the frosted glass outer part across an open space from the kitchen, was the living room, separating the rooms with white carpet, and there was also a very old white fireplace. It was always lit when I came over. Even in the summer at night.

The rest of the room was empty. There was a door in the corner of the room, which was the side door on the outside.

I would need to buy some damn furniture.

" Its beautiful in here." Bella marveled, looking all around her surroundings and the high ceilings here in the living room area.

" Let's go look upstairs."

Bella's little heels clicked on the floor, and I smiled at the sound. I let her go up the stairs first, and she had a smile on her face.

" I've always wanted to go up a spiral staircase." she said openly.

I smirked at her and when we got to the top, it was a wide all red carpet hallway. There were five doors total; three on the right and two on the left. I opened the first door on the left, and it was white carpet, and there was the balcony on the turret. Bella walked in front of me and walked towards the French doors. They opened with ease and she breezed outside, leaning over the balcony. It was big enough for two chairs and a small round table.

" I love this."

I watched Bella, and even though it was freezing out she loved it. I saw her hair breeze around her in the wind, and I could see the radiant smile on her face.

In that moment I was almost sure what I wanted. I wanted to live here, and I wanted Bella to move in with me. I didn't want to wait for that.

Bella stepped out of the cold and locked the doors securely before looking over at me.

" It would be beautiful in the summer."

There was a big closet in this room, and also an attached bathroom. The second room on the left was a smaller room, about the side of an office, and the last room on the right was a bathroom, and the other two rooms on the right were nice sized bedrooms. The bathrooms were all white tiled, white cabinets and cream colored counter tops. The master bedroom, which I considered it, had a rather new looking glass shower and a big tub.

Bella fell in love when she saw the jets.

I don't think she exactly realized everything. It almost felt like we were looking at buying a house together, and that's how she acted. It made me happy, because I saw the joy and excitement in her eyes, it gleamed.

Walking around in this house, I remembered spending Easter on a big mat in front of the double doors in the back; we would sit cross legged on the floor and color eggs. My great-grandfather always made meat loaf from what I remembered.

It was weird to most families, but it was how we had done it.

There used to be a big piano in the living room, it was never touched by anybody but me from what I had known. …

The memories in this house were good. They were positive and it wasn't a familiar place from my childhood that I wanted to run from. There were no tainted memories of the horror I experienced as a kid.

Bella I could see was in awe, and when we went into the backyard, it was open and clear, with old trees that were bare because of the cold, but I knew had bright colors. Close to the house there was a stone layout, which was to put a grill on and an outside table set and umbrella.

I could see everything here.

It wasn't far from school or the hospital for me, and when I thought about Bella, it was honestly close to where Little Brown was building. It was absolutely perfect. The location, the house, everything.

I wanted this.

I felt it in my bones.

As I stood with Bella in the foyer, she watched me closely; waiting for what I wanted to say.

" I want to take the house." I told her.

" Really?"

" Yeah...I remember being here. And the memories are good...It's close to school and the hospital. This feels right; something about it just completely feels right to me."

Bella smiled, " I'm happy about this, Edward. I'm happy for you." she murmured.

I looked deep in her eyes, watching her closely before speaking.

" It's close to where your work is going to be." I commented.

" It is."

" I want you to stay here with me. I don't want you to stay here for a few weeks and leave. I want you to live here. I want to see your books with mine in the shelves, and I want your clothes next to mine in the closet and even see your little fucking girly products on the bathroom counter. And every morning I wake up I want to see you next to me, and in the summer I want us to sit out on that balcony and talk about our future and what we want. I want all of it, Bella. I want you."

" Edward...It hasn't even been six months."

" Does it matter anymore? I love you, and you love me. We want to be together so why wait? There isn't anybody else I want but you, Bella."

I held both of her hands in mine, watching all of the emotions flicker across her face before she wrapped her arms around my neck.

" Stay with me."

" Can we...trying something first?" Bella asked me gently.

" Try what."

" Since you are taking this house, I am going to be living with you, Edward, regardless of everything. Can we maybe see how this goes before I am moving everything in? I love you, Edward, but I don't want to mess us up if we go way too fast."

" Okay," I murmured, rubbing her back.

I was going to make sure that Bella was going to want to move in with me completely.

Soon.

~\\~

" This is where you were so excited to take me?"

" Yes,"

" I don't think I've seen you so excited before."

" Really?"

" Well, maybe the first time you kissed me, or when I said I loved you."

" You get my mind off things. I don't feel as depressed. Do you want to help me with this or no?"

" Of course I do!"

I weaved my fingers through Bella's and pulled her to me. She kissed me softly and leaned her entire body into mine. Before we got too carried away, I pulled my lips from hers and drew her towards the building.

It was a mattress store.

" Want me to lay on beds with you?" she asked.

" That's the point."

" Well, you have to get sheets and things for the bed, what colors are you doing?"

" We bought an ass load of pain yesterday, and I want to do the bedroom dark blue, with lighter sheets. And I want to keep all the wood tables, entertainment centers and everything else the same black that the bookcase is."

" You, Mr. Masen, have a great eye for color."

New Years had already passed us, and it wasn't any special gathering. It was Bella and I, at her house while her father worked a late shift, just spending quiet time together. The apartment was already emptied, and all of my things were basically hanging around in the Cullen's garage, and would soon be in the process of being moved to the house.

I talked to Jasper just about once, and he said that he had absolutely nothing to say to me.

He and Alice are currently on a break that started the day after New Years.

I fucking hated that this was affecting Alice, but none of us knew why Jasper was acting like an asshole. He wasn't apologizing, and made that pretty damn clear. I know that Alice is very angry at him right now, and apparently he was near tears when she told him they needed to take a break until he decided to apologize for what he'd said to Bella, and what he said to me the night that...

On January third I had officially signed all of the papers to the house, and it was completely mine. It was paid off, but I would still have taxes to pay obviously, but it was a big reason why I also went for it. I wouldn't have to be paying the fucking crazy mortgage, which sounded great. I would obviously have to pay for electric and water, but otherwise, I was basically set.

I know that furnishing the house and buying furniture is going to be a shit load out of my bank account, and I'm not planning on resorting to going into my savings unless I am in dire need to do it. With all the money in there, I want it to just stay and grow for any possible future I might have.

January fifth I had called a psychiatrists office, and I set up a first appoint with a Dr. Amy Greggs. I would be seeing her the eighteenth of this month, which is a Sunday. Carlisle had also said that he knew of her, and that she's done great work with a lot of people. I was nervous as hell, but I knew that this was something I had to do if I wanted to get better.

Most of my days, my mind went exactly back to doing and finishing off what I had in December. But I never once attempted.

2009 has already been a year of a lot of change for me, which was fucking scary, but I was getting through it, and Bella never faltered.

When we walked into the store we were greeted, and immediately they wanted to know if we wanted help.

No.

We just wanted to fucking lay on beds and find one for my new bedroom.

Bella and I tried a basic mattress, but it wasn't nice at all. We tried out a sleep number also, which was just fucking weird. I could see the appeal of how two people who needed different comfort and firmness in a mattress, and couldn't stick with one because of their own comfort. Obviously those are for the type of people who don't have their husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend fucking burrowing into them, like I have Bella. We don't sleep not touching in some way.

I think we could agree on a nice bed all around, because we didn't need no fucking sleep number mattress. We were going to be sharing this bed for as long as I could get her to stay there, and I hoped it would be forever.

Unless I failed to make her stay with me completely.

We tried out a deluxe king mattress, nothing too fancy. It was nice, but not as plush and soft as I would have liked it to be. There were a lot of mattresses; we were bound to find something in here. We also tried out some premium comfort shit, and then went to the tempur pedic.

Maybe the inner kid inside of me was disappointed the bed didn't bounce. I think Bella was upset, too. The moment we sat down, it was hard like a brick and then we sunk in.

" I think this might be more suitable for heavier people." Bella whispered.

I smiled.

" You're as skinny as I am, and this feels like a brick."

We found a winner when I sat on top of a deluxe pillow top mattress. Sitting on it led to laying down, and laying down went to pulling Bella down with me and cuddling up with her on it. It was soft and nice to lay on.

" This is nice."

" Very nice." I groaned, pulling her closer.

" Is this the winner?"

" Fuck yeah, do you like it?"

" Mhm, it's very nice for sleeping, and other activities. Maybe reading..." she trailed off suggestively.

" Reading sounds nice..."

I got us off the bed before I decided to take it farther. I paid for the expensive, big ass, but comfortable, mattress, and we headed out to a Darwin furniture store, a place where I knew I was going to be spending probably much money here.

As I walked through aisles with Bella, holding her hand, a thought ran through my head.

" How would you like to help me tile the backsplash of the counters?"

" I could help you."

" I already plan on painting the kitchen that dark brown color, and I think I want to do like a dark blue tile back splash, it would match the blue specks in the countertop."

Bella nodded, " That sounds really nice, Edward."

When we came across couches, Bella was in heaven. Laying across plush couches, reclining in recliners, and sinking into soft chairs. It made me chuckle as I walked through the big area at all of the choices. I wanted something modern and nice.

I came across an 'L' shaped leather couch. The end extended into a nice ' nap place' as Bella put it, and it was very nice and incredibly soft to lay on. We had a lady with a sheet writing down all the information for things we were placing orders on.

I found a matching end table and coffee set. There was a black wood frame for each table, and the top was made out of glass. I also found a tall, but thin black wood table that I wanted for the foyer. I could toss my mail on there, keys and randomness. Bella picked out two nice lamps, two of the same, which were for the table in the foyer, and the different one that was antique-ish was for the living room table.

Eventually I came across dining room sets, and found myself buying a table big enough to fit eight fucking people. Black wood, of course, all the chairs matching and the chairs were upholstered on the seat and the back for comfort, and it was a rich dark brown fabric. I figured that I would also paint the dining room the same dark brown as the kitchen.

Then we came to desks, and I indulged myself in a rich dark wood desk with a nice leather chair, a nice standing light. I figured I could build some shelves in the room. It wouldn't match the rest of the house with dark wood, but it was just one room, it could be different.

Then we came to the bedroom. I needed to get a dresser, a frame for the bed, and a headboard to match, also end tables for the bed and lamps for them

The bed ended up being wrought iron, and there would be expensive fabric on the top bar connecting each of the posts, to create some closure if wanted. There were tiny wrought iron roses wound around the posts, and I think Bella fell in love. There wasn't a headboard, but it didn't matter.

As we looked over it, Bella tugged on it, kneeling over the mattress that it was modeled on. It was when she tugged on it I got a great idea.

" Lay down." I told her.

" What?" she asked, " We are in the middle of the store?"

" On the bottom floor in the back. Just do it." I instructed.

Hesitantly, Bella laid on the bed on her back, looking at me with a very curious stare. I glanced behind me, saw that it was empty around here and got on top of the bed, straddling Bella's waist. She gasped in surprise.

" Edward!"

I laughed, " Shhh."

I grasped the wrought iron, taking a guess on what I would grab in a…certain moment I would share with Bella in the future. I tugged hard on it and I felt her hands on either side of me. I saw how red her face was in embarrassment.

" Okay, it's good enough. Now get off!" I heard her exclaim

I hopped off the bed and brought Bella with me.

" I can't believe you did that."

" Bella, if that thing fucking collapsed if I gave it a tug, we'd be fucked. Do you want wrought iron breaking off our bed to ruin the moment?" I replied

" You didn't have to mount me and make it look like we were screwing in the middle of the store!"

I smirked at her, not saying much else.

The rest of the room had white wood furniture. An armoire, tall dresser, and two side tables that all matched together in a set. When the order was set in and I paid for everything, I wanted to cringe at the price, but I bit my tongue, nodded and wrote out the check.

I wanted to almost cry, but I wouldn't ever have to really worry about doing this again. Ever.

Bella and I were going to do the bed sheets, curtains, rugs, pillows, decorative and bed, and other small things, but wanted to save it for next time. We were exhausted. Instead, I picked up some Chinese food to bring to Bella's. Charlie appreciated it, so that was always good. I figured I could do this more often.

He never said anything about what had happened with me previously, and I appreciated it. I'm pretty sure he was not pleased with the fact of how much stress I put his daughter through, but for some reason he never walked up and confronted me about it.

I already understood.

Later on Bella asked me what I was going to do with my old bed, the desk and dresser that I had in my bedroom, along with the couch in the apartment. With my old bed, I was going to put it in one of the spare bedrooms and set it up as a guest bedroom basically. It was a nice bed, and mostly new. The headboard was wooden and square, basic and nice, and the dresser and desk matched. It would be nice for the room.

After dinner was done, Bella and I headed up to her bedroom.

" I told my dad last night about how I was going to be staying with you for awhile."

" And?"

" He asked me why I just didn't move in with you completely."

" That's a valid question."

She smiled, " Is it?"

I pulled her to me and kissed her forehead, " Yeah...I think your bed would look great in the other spare room."

" You think so?"

" I know so."

I leaned down to capture her lips with mine. She knew I was trying to convince her this way, and she wasn't giving in. Bella stood with her arms at her side and lips not moving. I coaxed my lips against hers, trying to get a response. Her arms then wrapped around me and she kissed me with passion.

I lifted her up into my arms and she wrapped her legs around my waist. One hand securely on her waist, I used my free one to push her hoodie off her shoulders. Bella threw my leather jacket to the floor and put her hands underneath my fitted white v-neck.

" Your dad is downstairs." I noted

" And what he doesn't know won't hurt him."

When I sat on her bed, it squeaked. Loud. When I tried to lay down it was worse.

" What the fuck happened to your mattress?"

" Broken spring? I don't know." she said uncaringly, pressing her lips to mine.

I steadied her back and adjusted her over my body. Feeling the length of her against me light a fire inside of my body and with her lips moving against mine only added fuel. I wanted to take it further, but with Charlie downstairs, there was no damn way I could even think about doing anything more than kissing.

And I knew emotionally for myself, it wouldn't be...right. My emotions were pretty unstable, and on the 12th of this month, January, I would be going back to taking classes and at the hospital. I hadn't been working at the library as of right now, but I was planning on resuming it soon. Luckily, I even still had that fucking job.

" I need time." I told her, pulling away.

The rejection that washed over her face broke my heart into pieces. I felt fucking awful.

" Listen to me, okay?"

She looked away. I cradled my hand in her jaw and made her look at me.

" I'm...still trying to get a good grip on myself after everything that has happened. Bella, I love you more than anything, and before, it was about needing a good moment, but now; it's not about that. When I move into the house, and you're with me; it won't be anybody but us there. No parents downstairs, or friends across the hall, or anybody walking in on us just before. I want to feel fucking right with myself, so that I can be with you in every way possible, including mentally inside my fucked up head."

" You're not fucked up."

I leaned forward and kissed her slowly while her hands rested on my thighs.

" I feel selfish for wanting you now." she said lowly.

Fuck.

" Bella, no. You're not selfish for wanting me, at all. I'm being selfish for not giving you what you want."

" But for a good reason. I don't want you to be far away when we are so close. Look, for now, we'll let each other know when the time is right. If you pull away, I won't be as offended because I understand, and I know that you really do want me."

" I do." I murmured, pulling her completely into my lap to hold her.

" I love you, so much, my Bella."

" I love you, too. I'm so glad you're here."

Leaning forward, I gently kissed her neck and felt her lean into my embrace, completely relaxing into me.

" I won't try to leave you again. I promise."

She nodded and pillowed her head on my chest, the rest of her body molded on top of mine in a weird, but comfortable to her, position. I kissed the top of her head and ran my fingers through her hair and down her back, creating a nice motion that seemed to calm her even further.

" Go to sleep, sweetheart."

" I'm fine." she protested weakly.

I chuckled quietly. " Okay."

Bella was asleep in my arms within ten minutes. I laid with her for awhile, watching her sleeping figure and the slight flutter of her eyelashes every few minutes. Soon I knew I had to leave and I woke her gently and encouraged her to change. I ended up helping her out of her clothes and she put on one of her little night gowns.

Sleepily, she walked with me to the front door and stood at the tip of her toes to give me a kiss.

I wrapped my arms tightly around her, not wanting to let go.

" I'll see you tomorrow, okay? I love you so much." she whispered quietly in my ear.

I nodded and kissed her temple softly, running one of my hands through her hair. I hesitantly pulled away from her and she gave me a tired smile.

When I left the house, I drove home with my iPod playing quietly in the backround to keep me busy and my mind from wandering.

The furniture was to be delivered in a week at the most time, which meant I had to get to painting very soon. When I got to the Cullen's house and headed upstairs to my bedroom, I sat down on my bed.

I opened up the bedside drawer and took out the small box, opening it up to see the ring that my mother had given me. I stared at it for awhile, looking at all of the shimmery diamonds and delicate band.

Suddenly I heard a knock on the door before it opened. Carlisle stood in the doorway, and he was very obviously staring at the ring I held in my hand. I didn't attempt to hide it. The attempt would be futile, and he already saw it.

He walked into the room and shut the door behind him, asking me in a silent way if he could sit at the end of the bed.

" What's that you have there?" he asked with a smile.

" This ring was with the letter my mother gave me. This was my Grandmother Evelyn's ring. I never got to meet her, but it was hers. She was the last one it was passed down to before me. It's been in the family for many generations."

" It's a beautiful ring."

" It is."

" I think Bella would fall in absolute love with it."

I looked over at him, " I think she would, too. It's not like other rings out there with all the fancy fucking diamonds everywhere and big rocks in the middle."

Carlisle nodded, " Are you planning on...?"

" Not right now. I want to be better for her first. Good enough."

" Edward, you've always been good enough; even if you don't feel like it."

" I don't want to be her depressed little boyfriend. I want to smile and laugh with her; be a good husband and provider for her one day. Have children with her and know I'm doing the best I can with nothing holding me back." I stated quietly.

" I think you'd be a wonderful father and husband, Edward."

" Why?"

" Because, unlike many; you know how to be one. You know what not to do, and what is right to do after experiencing what you did as a child."

" Yeah..."

" You're going to do great things, Edward. I'm proud of you."

" How can you be proud of me?" I asked in a whisper.

" From the moment I met you I knew you were going to grow up to be a good man. That night in the hospital, yes, you were very scared, but I saw something inside you that I'm sure nobody else saw. I've seen many kids in similar situations, and all they did was fall deeper as time went on. They dropped out of school, turned to drugs and some even criminals later on, but you rose above all of that. When you went to high school, Esme and I were so proud of all the success you had there, and how smart you were. Edward, what happened to you on Christmas Eve was...devastating to this entire family and Bella. When I walked into this hospital and saw you; I thought you were gone. I knew at one point that you might crack in life. You always refused therapy, and said you would be fine. But I don't think I have ever been as happy to see you alive and much as I truly am now. I've always worried about you, Edward, when you were away at college. But I've also been so proud of how successful you have been. You are my son in every sense of the word, and there was never a moment I ever thought differently. I can't put into words how happy I am that you are still here, alive, and breathing. Losing you would have been like losing Alice, or Emmett. And Esme loves you more than I think you are aware of. You are such a good man, Edward. A good man."

Something inside me just compelled me to hug Carlisle, and I did.

Never in my life had I ever realized how much I meant to him, and hearing it struck something inside of me, because I did feel a type of fatherly love, as fucking stupid as it sounded. He patted my back gently.

" Thank you." I said once my arms were dropped. I picked up the ring box and put it on the end table.

" I wanted you to know that, Edward. Now, I'm going to get some sleep. You should, too." he said, patting my knee.

I nodded, " Goodnight."

He gave a nod and a smile and heard him leave the room.

For once, I felt like I had people proud of me for who I was.

**Authors Note- Alright, that's progress, and next chapter we will have Edward's first day of therapy! See you all in about a week!**

**Reviews are like tequila shots, you can't just have one! I need lots and lots! Replies are always sent out!**


	38. First Step

**Authors Note- Alright, this one was actually a close call to posting! But I was on time, so that's fantastic. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

January 18th

Sunday

2009

~\\~

The first day back at my classes was absolutely insane. It was a brand new semester now. And I had many more classes, and without class time, I was going to be at the hospital or doing homework and studying. The weekends I also was going to be at the hospital, or at the library, I wasn't happy with this schedule. When I glanced over all three schedules, I was almost considering passing out. I expected this to come at some point, but now it was in full force and I had to manage it. It was sure as hell stressful, but I was finding a way to deal with it.

Before classes started, I had gotten a chance to paint the house with the help of Bella and an eager Esme who wanted to help all that she could with the house. I appreciated it immensely, and now I didn't have that to worry about. Bella has been basically moved into the house because the entire week I started school, all the furniture I had ordered for the house was coming in, and I needed someone to sign all the papers and have them put everything where it belonged. She was a big help.

Esme had basically done all the woodwork in the house, and Bella had also helped me wax the wooden floors downstairs and we were planning on re-finishing the wood on the porch outside in spring. The inside of the house was clear and ready, and the furniture had almost been fully delivered when I went to the house yesterday morning before my first class of the day.

I hadn't seen her at all this first week, only twice, and that was when I went over at nearly ten thirty at night, and snuck into her bed for two hours. That was the first night, and the next time I had an hour time between a class and the hospital, and I ran into her at the house.

She was sad that I wasn't able to see her as often as before, and seeing the tears glossing over her eyes made me feel terrible. But she understood everything, and was actually soon going to be at Little Brown on March 1st. I knew she was getting excited about that. She would have a good eight to six job on all five days of the week, with the weekend off.

I hated that she was alone while I was gone.

I was also very informed of the fact that I was going to be living with her little furry cat, JoJo. As long as I was not on litter box cleaning duty, I did not care.

Bella already had a few of her things around the house, clothes when she stayed the night, and books lying around when she got bored sometime.

Today I had my first therapy session with my psychiatrist at eleven; I was able to go to my eight to nine thirty human anatomy class, which was pretty insane this year with detail. Once I was finished I headed to the Cullen's house to change, and went to the house to see Bella for awhile.

When I opened the door, I was greeted by her cat rubbing against my ankles. I looked over and saw her car keys on the side table in the foyer. Her tiny little red heels were by the table and I smiled.

" Honey, I'm home!" I called out in a teasing voice.

I got no answer, so I went in search for her. She wasn't passed out on the brand new couch or anything, and I didn't find her in the kitchen, so I headed upstairs. The bed still hadn't come from what I knew, but I decided to check upstairs anyways.

I walked up the stairs and reached the hallway, hearing nothing but silence. When I opened the bedroom door, there it was, the bed delivered and set on the wrought iron frame I bought. I wonder how much she tipped the guys to put it all together for her. I wouldn't be surprised if they did it no charge by just her asking.

The dark blue walls went well with the white furniture, and the wrought iron frame for the bed went well, the canopy was pulled back on the sides, and the light blue and white sheets and comforter was on the bed. Underneath the covers I saw a tiny bump, which was my Bella.

I saw a pair of slacks on the floor, and a nice blouse with a satin bow laying on the floor. I took off my shoes and shrugged off my jacket before pulling the sheets of my brand new bed back and lying down. Once I did, Bella's eyes opened and she brightly smiled at me.

I could see in her eyes that she had missed me. The longing was there. She scooted forward, and wrapped herself around me tightly. I could smell her perfume on her neck, which smelled sweet and like Bella

" I missed you."

" I missed you, too.

" I saw your clothes on the floor. Why did you look extra fancy today, beautiful?"

Her hair was in little curls around her face, and she looked absolutely gorgeous, but she's never not been absolutely beautiful.

" I had a meeting this morning for Little Brown. I start on the second and they open on the first, but they aren't doing anything but like a little party. I can meet all of the people I'll work with and where I am going to start working. I'm really excited."

" I'm happy for you."

" Do you like the bed?"

" Very much. And I see the closet in here open...and some clothes. Happen to know anything about that Miss. Isabella?"

" I'm all moved in."

" So that means..."

" I told Esme to expect me over at the Cullen's in about an hour and a half, and I'm going to take care of all your clothes. I figured if you are up to it, after your therapy session you could pack some other stuff later."

" Tonight I get to sleep in bed with you. Every. single. night."

" Mm, cocky?"

" No, I just love you and have very good powers of persuasion."

" Oh, really?"

" Yeah."

I moved my hands to her ribs and mercifully tickled her. She struggled against me, bursts of laughter escaping her every few seconds as I continued my attack on her. Bella struggled against me, laughing loud and hearty. It made me smile so big I was sure I looked insane.

When I stopped my attack on Bella, she glared at me first before leaning into my side. I curled my body with hers and enjoyed the feeling of my hands on her bare skin.

The bed was fucking soft and comfortable. I wasn't at all surprised that Bella wasn't able to resist taking a nice nap in it. God knows I'll be looking to sleep on this bed every chance I get.

" I tried hard not to lay down for a nap." she whispered.

I kissed her nose, " Yeah?"

She nodded, " But it was too nice. I had just gotten the sheets and comforter out of the dryer, and it was warm..."

" It's your bed, too." I whispered in her ear.

" You bought it."

" Yeah, but you see this headboard. I wouldn't need such a heavy duty strong one if I didn't have you."

Bella playfully slapped my shoulder, " I think we'd be fine with the wooden one."

" If you want it to break, then yeah." I replied suggestively.

" You're going to have to prove it."

I smirked, " I will one day."

Taking her by surprise I pushed her onto her back and into the same position I had in the store, but closer and more intimate. She stared up at me, her eyes sparkling with playfulness. I aligned my hips with hers, and I was sure Bella was about to explode. Her eyes rolled back and I leaned down to peck her lips before moving off of her.

" What are your plans for today?" I asked her.

" I hate you! It's one thing not having sex with you, but for you to be an insane tease is just unfair!"

Her hand moved to my upper thigh and I jumped about a foot in the air. Then she proceeded to...grab a certain part of my body and pulled away, laying on her stomach, laughing into the pillow

" Fuck, you can't do that, Bella!'

" You do it to me!"

" Yeah, but it's not evident in your pants!"

She giggled loudly and I smacked her ass sharply. Bella gasped and sat up, rubbing the spot where I smacked her.

" You smacked me!"

" Congratulations for being so perceptive."

" That hurt." she whined.

" Want me to kiss it?" I asked teasingly, lovingly rubbing where I smacked.

" Yeah, kiss my ass, Masen." she said,

I leaned forward and placed an open mouth kiss on her shoulder. Her head fell back onto my shoulder and I placed a kiss on her neck and then just behind her ear. She sighed and reached her arms back to tangle in my hair.

She turned around eventually and wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me thoroughly. I laid with her on the plush comforter, enjoying her languid kisses and light touches.

" I'm sorry for grabbing you." she whispered, kissing my jaw.

" I'm sorry for teasing you, even though I will do it again."

Bella laughed and I pressed my lips fully to hers, I slanted my mouth over hers, massaging her tongue against mine which made her moan. Eventually I pulled away and we cuddled together for a few minutes.

" I have to leave in ten minutes."

"Are you sure you don't me to come with."

" Maybe next time, okay?"

She nodded and slipped out of the bed. I followed after her and put my shoes back on, watching as she put on her clothes. Slowly she buttoned up the shirt and tied the small ribbon in a bow in the front. Once she was all clothed we both made the bed together, and I saw her smiling as we did this.

" Is this going to be a morning routine."

I smiled, " Of course, sweetheart."

" You're adorable."

I rolled my eyes at her and following her out of the bedroom. Once we were downstairs Bella went into the kitchen and opened the cabinets. All of the glass cups I had bought were stocked in there and in others were my nice white plates and Bella and I decided to mix it up and have blue bowls. The silverware was new, shiny and in a separator in a drawer.

" This looks amazing. You didn't have to do all of this."

Then she opened up the white wooden cabinets, and I expected them to be empty, but there were a bag of chips in there. I laughed and Bella went to the fridge, I saw a small little bottle of sprite.

" Tomorrow we can go shopping."

" Don't you work?" she asked me curiously.

" I have two classes, and about an hour and a half between them. I think I'll have enough time to come back here and maybe we can do some shopping."

" I wish we had more time together." she said, leaning against the counter.

" I know. So do I. But it's only three more years."

She stared at me helplessly and I leaned towards her, wrapping my arms around her waist to hold her. I rubbed her back softly and she leaned into me.

" I didn't think it would be this hard, and it's only been a few days."

I kissed her forehead, " We'll make it work."

" I'm selfish. I just want you here all the time and fuck the world."

" I want the same, Bella."

" Do we have a date for bed tonight?"

" Yes, we do. Every night for the rest of our lives."

" Edwa-"

" Shh, just say 'okay'."

" Okay."

Smiling in satisfaction I pulled away from her.

" I should probably head out." I told her with a sigh.

" Okay."

Bella walked with me to the front door and I put my jacket on. I pocketed my keys and phone and she put her arms around my neck to give me a long kiss.

" Call me if you need anything. Try to talk, okay?"

I kissed her cheek and nodded, walking out of the house. I felt my nerves starting to go out of whack, but I got into the Volvo and started it up, heading downtown to the office. I kept music on to keep my mind from wandering, which was what I have been doing for while now. It helps greatly with the anxiety and mind wandering.

I had spoken with Carlisle briefly this morning, and he assured me that everything today was going to go fine. I didn't want to tell Bella that I had almost broken down this morning. I hated talking to people about things, especially my past, but my psychiatrist probably has dealt with and heard of so many worse stories then mine.

When I pulled up to the grey bricked office, I sat in my car for a moment, taking a deep breath to try and keep myself calm. Once I got out of the car I put my phone on vibrate and walked towards the glass door, which had Dr. Amy Greggs Psychiatry and underneath it had MD and the address of the place.

I opened the door and felt the heat on, but it was a comfortable warm. The office was small, but very bright. A women behind the counter looked up at me, she was rather young looking, and probably interning I had guessed.

" Hello, I'm here for an eleven o'clock appointment with Dr. Greggs." I said casually.

" Is this your first appointment?" she asked.

" Yes."

She grabbed a clipboard with a sheet on it, leaning over and smiling, also trying to show me her cleavage, she handed me the clipboard and I smiled politely back at her.

" Fill this out and return it to me when you are finished."

I sat down in one of the seats and filled it out. Everything from my name to if I was on any medication was on the sheet, and I filled it out in about ten minutes before handing it back over to the lady who was giving me weird seductive looks. I wondered if she did this to all her male patients.

" So, what's a good looking man like you doing in here? Don't look like you have any problems."

" I highly doubt that is your business."

" Girlfriend?"

I stuffed my hands in my pocket, " Wife."

I sat down back in my seat, hearing her huff of disappointment as I walked away. Only few minutes later I heard the door open to the office, and a lady walked out. She was thin, straight red-ish colored hair and blue eyes.

" Edward Masen?"

I stood up and she looked at me, smiling kindly as I walked towards her. She led me to a room down a short hall and opened the door, I motioned for her to go first and she did, and I closed the door behind it.

Before sitting she took my hand and shook it.

" It's very nice to meet you Edward. I'm Dr. Amy Greggs. You can just call me Amy if you want, whatever is most comfortable to you."

" It's nice to meet you also."

I took a seat in one of the two chairs and she sat in a leather chair behind a big, cherry wood desk. A few files were piled on her desk, and she grabbed one with my name on it, blank lines on papers and I also saw the one I had filled out just minutes ago with all my information.

" So, Edward, you are twenty four. Still a college student at the moment?"

" Yes, I am."

" What are you in college for?"

" I'm in Medical School right now to become an Emergency Room Physician."

She nodded, " That sounds very great. It's also states here that your guardians when under the age of eighteen are Carlisle and Esme Cullen. Were you adopted?"

" Yes."

" Okay. I actually do know Carlisle Cullen, a very nice man he is. Would you maybe like to talk to me a bit why you have decided to seek help from me? If I can learn a bit about your life I can help you in any way I find suitable. Can you tell me about your real parents? Do you remember them?"

" My mother lives out of state, and my father died when I was fifteen."

" I can imagine that was probably hard for you. Do you know how your father passed?"

I was surprised we were getting into heavy things, and she sensed the look on my face and backed up.

" I apologize Edward. I just wanted to know a few small details and then we could get into more heavy things later on."

I guess I forgot that this was actually supposed to be the easy part.

" My...father...was killed by my mother."

She didn't look taken back or anything, just had a very understanding look on her face and listened to me, but didn't have that ' I have to listen to you it's my job' look, she seemed sincere in paying attention to me.

" I see. Did you have a good relationship with your father?"

" No."

She nodded, " Well, we can maybe save that for another day. How about we talk about your adopted family, I know Dr. Cullen has kids."

" Alice and Emmett." I validated.

" Do you have a good relationship with them?"

" I have a good relationship with Alice."

" What about Emmett?"

" We're...okay. He sometimes makes me nervous."

" And why is that?"

" Being around men sometimes make me anxious."

" Is this linked to your father?"

" Yes." I stated, trying to make sure my voice wouldn't crack. I failed.

" Is Alice older or younger then you?"

" Younger. She goes to a design school in Oregon."

" What about Emmett?"

" He is older. Right now he is in Law school to become a lawyer, he graduates this spring."

" That sounds great. Are you in a relationship currently? Married?"

" I have a girlfriend."

I smiled mentioning it, and Dr. Greggs smiled.

" I've seen that look before. What's her name?"

" Bella. She's my everything."

" How did you meet her?"

" My sister Alice was friends with her in college before Alice turned to design school, but Bella moved to London to attend Cambridge after her second year of college. They kept in touch and last summer Bella graduated college and came to live with the Cullen's for the summer."

" Does she not have family?"

" Her father, but he works a lot so Alice offered for her to stay with us so they could catch up and spend time together."

" That sounds very nice of her. Have you and Bella been together since summer?"

I nodded, " Yes."

She was scribbling words down on her paper, and I couldn't exactly make any of it out right now. We talked just a little bit more that day, mostly about my life, who I am, and basically relationships with family and other people. Today was simple, but I knew that the others wouldn't be.

After saying our goodbyes and saying we'd see each other next month, I made another appointment at the front desk and left for the hospital. I put on my white coat before walking in and saw some of the students there, and Dr. Kane was there.

" Edward, great to see you again. We've got a pretty busy day ahead."

" I'm ready."

" But before that, would you mind talking a short walk with me?" he asked.

" Uh, yeah." I said, following him down the main Emergency hallway and down to the ER waiting room that was basically also a waiting room for people who need immediate care. I followed Dr. Kane, wondering exactly what he wanted to talk to me about.

" I was looking at your schedule for the next few months, and through your classes, and I noticed that one day out of the month you are scheduled to have a few hours off. Obviously I understand that you have your own personal life, but I also was aware of what had happened in December. I just want to make sure you are alright."

" I'm seeing a psychiatrist once a month now, it may become more."

" I think that would do you good, Edward." he noted.

I nodded, " Yes. I hope it's not a big deal."

" Of course not. All students dedicate many hours to us for their residency, a few hours will not mess you up. I just wanted to make sure that you also haven't been overwhelmed here."

" It's better being on the floor and doing things with patients."

He nodded in understanding and we headed back, ready for another day of patients to keep my mind and self busy.

~\\~

It was the end of a tiring day, and already ten thirty. It was a day longer than usual, and there was no way I was going to be heading to the Cullen's to get any of my things. I was fucking exhausted and tired as hell. As I drove home, I called Bella's cell phone.

" Hey, where are you?"

" I'm sorry, it was a really late night. Crazy insane shit going on. I'm not going to the Cullen's or anything, I'm just coming home."

" All of your clothes are here. Esme has been, very carefully, putting your music in boxes."

I gritted my teeth.

My music was my world almost.

" She knows how important it is, Edward. When I went over she had all of your cd's done and in the boxes all nice and the records were being packed. I've already got your books here and all of your games and stuff. Is that okay?"

" I trust you with my things. How much is really left?"

" Well, your cd and record fancy expensive music player. All thats really left in the room is the bed and furniture which is obviously staying. You don't have any knick knacks really. I plugged in your alarm clock here and it's set, oh, and the DirecTV guy came and installed the two boxes for the bedroom and living room."

I had mounted both televisions in any time that I had, and that had been taken care of and done. I was planning on renting a small trailer for the back of the car for the furniture that was in the apartment. The basement of the house was furnished and carpeted, so I was planning on maybe making it like a second family room, and also put the video games down there. The couch in the apartment was going downstairs, and the television also belonged to me and I was putting it downstairs also, along with the coffee table that I was planning on putting against the wall underneath where I would mount the TV, and use it for games and whatever.

" Perfect."

" I made some chicken parmesan for dinner, I'll warm it up for you, okay?"

" Thank you, babe, I'll see you in a bit."

I drove to the house, and it felt weird to say I was driving home. It was mine, and Bella was waiting for me there. I smiled to myself and turned into the subdivision.

Everything felt different in a good and new way. I was excited about it, and knowing that I had Bella at home waiting for me made everything all the better. When I pulled into the driveway I saw the light on in the house towards the kitchen area. I got out of the car and headed inside, unlocking the door. I locked it behind me, making sure it was secure. I put my leather coat in the closet and went into the kitchen, seeing Bella standing by the island with a plate of steaming food.

" Hey, you." I murmured, bringing her into my embrace.

" Hi, green eyes."

I kissed her temple and pulled away, smelling the delicious food.

" I am so hungry."

The chicken was laying over a bed of pasta with a tomato sauce, with mozzarella cheese melted over the chicken that had a crust. I grabbed the fork and knife and dug into the hot meal, enjoying it completely even more with each bite I had. It was delicious, and the pasta was great, the chicken fucking flavorful as hell.

Once I had basically eaten everything like a complete slob in front of Bella, I put the plate in the dishwasher, seeing other dishes. I smiled and closed it after starting it up. Bella had gotten a liter of sprite and coke, and I had a glass of coke and added that to the dishwasher.

I carried a tired Bella upstairs, and she was giggling quietly the entire time.

" This is so weird." she said, walking into the large closet.

All of my clothes besides my boxers, pants and socks were in there, and all of it was color coated. My shoes were underneath where they hung, and Bella's on the other side were the same. I saw so many pairs of high heels that I really wanted to see her wear.

I opened up my dresser and saw all of my ties inside. I had a lot of ties I noticed. I put the one I wore today inside and went to the closet, putting my shoes at the end of them all. Bella had taken clothes downstairs to the laundry room that was near the coat closet.

I brushed my teeth thoroughly and put the toothbrush back in the silver holder where it belonged, next to Bella's blue one.

She pranced back upstairs in her little pink nighty with a deep v-neck in the front and lace trim on the hem and every edge of fabric. I got into bed with nothing on but my boxers and Bella got in next to me, reaching over to turn the lamp off. I felt her head on my chest and I ran my fingers through her hair.

" I like this." Bella said.

" Me, too."

I felt her slowly move up and press her lips to mine sweetly. I sighed against her mouth and kissed her back slowly, reveling in the feeling of her lips on mine.

" How was therapy?"

" It was alright. We didn't really go through anything too detailed. I talked about the Cullen's, school, and you of course. A little about my parents but it was basically just about my current life."

" Did it go okay?"

" Yeah, it was alright."

She smiled, " Good, I'm glad."

I pressed my forehead to hers and kissed her softly, feeling her smile against my lips as I did. She wrapped her arms around me, holding me close as if I were about to disappear. I cradled her to my chest as her hand rested on my bare chest and her lips slanted over mine. Our kiss was quick to get heated, and I wasn't complaining on my part.

We didn't take it any further that night, understandably, but neither of us was upset or disappointed that we hadn't. She fell fast asleep in my arms exhausted and spent by the time it hit midnight. I kept her wrapped up in my arms securely, enjoying the feeling.

I relaxed in my bed, finally getting that feeling of home and comfort.

It was Bella that completed it all.

~\\~

" Mm, good morning to you, too, babe." I murmured as I felt her lips on my jaw and lips

She sighed in response as her body straddled mine. Her hands moved to rest on my upper thighs, which drove me insane and she knew it. It would be nice to wake up like this every morning, I pondered silently. I only felt her around me, nothing else. Everything disappeared and it was just us together. I closed my eyes and rested my head back on the pillow as her hands moved over my thighs, and moved completely up to my chest, making me whine.

" What's wrong?"

" How about you move your hands to a place more...satisfying?" I said, ending with a groan.

Bella smirked, " You think so?"

" Yeah, I do."

I felt her hot breath on my ear, her hands kneading the flesh of my arms and my thighs.

" Fuck, babe." I said as she laughed, her forehead on my chest.

" I love you."

" Of course you do."

Eventually we pealed ourselves from the bed. I convinced Bella to get up and take an early shower with me. I massaged her strawberry scented shampoo into her hair while I pressed her to the shower wall, kissing her with all the passion I possessed. I felt her soaped up hands glide over my body, down my back, across my hips and up my chest. It drove me insane and she knew it.

I turned her towards the water and saw the bubbles running down her back. I felt her arms wrap around my neck, her body held against mine. I grabbed her bottle of vanilla body wash and rubbed it over the soft skin of her back.

" We should do this every morning." she said, moaning quietly in appreciation to the attention I gave her.

" Whatever you want, babe."

I moved over her backside and bent down onto my knees. I put her foot on my thigh and lathered up her smooth legs, kissing spots that the water washed the soap off of. I let her clean me also, even after insisting that I just wanted to treat her.

Shower time with Bella was the fucking best.

~\\~

" I know that things are fucking hard right now! I understand! But can you cut me a break?"

" I cut you breaks all the time. This is the third weekend in a row you have bailed on our dinner plans. I'm sorry if I actually care about that!"

" Do you understand how much I wish I had time to go out to dinner with you? I can't do anything about it, Bella! If they need me, I'm staying, no questions. You knew I would be busy as hell, and that it would be hard sometimes! I explained it to you, and you told me that you understood and that we would make it work."

" Three times, Edward. _Three _times this happened! I want to have something other than Chinese and pizza every damn night."

" Sorry I can't bring home steak every night, and take you out to fucking Canlis Restaurant every fucking weekend!"

" Whatever, Edward. I'm fucking sick and tired of this bullshit."

" Can you stop acting like a complete _bitch!_' I shouted at her.

Needless to say, a pair of four inch stilettos flew at my head and hit my eye. I now had a blackened eye and a pissed off girlfriend in our bedroom with the door locked. I laid back on the couch and sighed, deciding not to even approach the bedroom until she cooled down a bit.

Her last words before she left and went upstairs one might ask?

' Screw you.'

I think she won best award for sweetest girlfriend, and I won the award for most neglecting boyfriend. It wasn't like I didn't want to spend time with her, in fact, I wanted to spend all of my time with her. She couldn't seem to grasp the fact that I wish I didn't have to cancel plans, and how much it broke my heart when I came home and saw her. She was still dressed up all nicely, and her hair that had been elegantly held up, was down.

Bella had cried this time though, and it made me feel truly awful. What I thought were sad and disappointed tears, ended up being pissed off and fuck you tears. I tried to fix it, but it always just blew up.

I was tired of having the same argument. We got into it a few days ago, two and almost three times last week. I didn't know what the fuck I could do to make her understand. It was like everything just changed and I couldn't control anything.

The hospital was almost killing me, as were classes. I knew Bella and I lately have only been together when we are sleeping. When I come home she is either passed out of the couch because she waited for me, or she is already asleep in bed.

It wasn't what she deserved I knew it.

I had my second therapy session last month, and now I was boosted up to twice a month, and I had gone last night, and I have another at the end of this month. It was going well, and while Dr. Greggs knew basically everything about my currently life, its hard going into my past and delving deeper.

Recently the topic was on my father, and how he treated me. It was about how I felt about the situation and the emotional issues I carry around with it every day. Eventually, I have no fucking doubt I will go on pills. She is a psychiatrist. My depression was obvious these days. First she had to get a good idea of what was going on with me. She had asked me flat out how I felt about myself, and life in general.

What I felt about going to a psychiatrist was mixed feelings. I was still very unsure on how this was helping. It did feel good to talk to someone about things, especially someone outside of family and friends. I needed an outsider who didn't know me.

I had yet to tell her about my committing suicide, but I knew that was coming up soon.

I stared at the high ceiling and sighed.

Well, the snow had melted and the chill air was slowly going away. Emmett's twenty sixth birthday passed in January. February was more classes, working at the hospital, and at the library. March had come quickly, and we were mid into it already, just before spring. It was extra rainy in Seattle. It's always raining, but it was more frequent these days, as were the storms that Bella dreaded.

Bella had started her job at Little Brown on the second of March, and has been loving it completely since. She read books basically all day, and that brought so much joy to her. I could tell by just looking at her. I'd admit that I enjoyed seeing her in her little skirt suits, fancy blouses and high heels. If it wasn't professional, it was cute as hell.

Her hair was now getting long, and I knew she was doing that for me. I couldn't help but love her long hair. I'd probably asked her enough to the point to where she was doing it to make me shut up.

I sighed as I missed here even more just thinking about it. I gripped the blanket with my fist before just relaxing and closing my eyes. The couch was comfortable, but I couldn't really sleep without Bella. I was a spoiled person.

When I finally did fall asleep on the couch, it was on and off constantly. I couldn't get comfortable on it. It just wasn't working out for me, and I wished I could just go cuddle with Bella in our bed. That was probably the last thing she had wanted though.

I was wrong.

At one point I heard footsteps in the foyer and down the hallway. They were coming closer and closer to the living room. Quiet sniffs followed this, and I rolled over, rubbing my eyes tiredly. When I looked up I saw Bella slowly lowering herself down to the edge of the couch, tears running down her face and quiet sobs wracking her body.

" Oh, Bella." I whispered.

" I miss you so much, I hate it." she cried, sobs wracking her body as she talked.

" Come here, sweet girl." I whispered, taking her in my arms.

She sobbed against my chest, her body shaking.

" I hate it."

" I know, Bella. I know."

" I'm sorry I threw my shoe at you. Your eye..."

" And I shouldn't have ever called you a bitch."

" I was being one."

" No. We were upset and we said shit. It doesn't matter anymore. I promise you, babe, I will make sure that every week we have time to go out and have dinner one night."

She nodded and rubbed my chest, " Okay."

" I want to be with you Bella, just as much as you want to be with me."

I hugged her tightly and wrapped my arms around her to stop the shaking. I kissed the top of her head, rocking her in my arms to ease her sobs.

" Your eye looks terrible, I'm such an awful person."

" Don't worry about it."

She leaned up and pressed her lips to my closed eyelid gently. I sat up and wrapped my arms around her, lifting her carefully into my arms.

" When things get hard...We have each other, Bella. I can't let that change. I don't know what I would do if that changed."

" I promise you it won't."

" Promise?"

" I promise."

I sealed her promise with a kiss, hoping to god that it really would never change.

**Authors Note- A little bit of a light therapy session, and some E/B fluff and angst. Next chapter more therapy and…angst! Review, I reply to all individually so if you have questions…Ask!**

**Review!**


	39. Broken

**Authors Note- So…Yeah.**

********Tissue Warning LEGIT**********

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

March 29

2009

~\\~

" Bella, you don't have to do this."

" I want to."

" Are you sure? I don't want you to feel like this is something you have to do because of me."

She rolled her eyes at me and the familiar, heavy wooden door opened.

" Edward Masen."

I saw the familiar face of Dr. Greggs and I gripped Bella's hand, pulling her up with me. She leaned into my side and I saw my psychiatrist smile upon seeing Bella next to me. This was the first time Bella had come with me. I was nervous about her being here, but I wasn't going to tell her that.

We headed towards the office; I felt Bella's hand tighten around mine. I didn't want her to be nervous. Once we reached the familiar office, to me, Bella and I sat down in the chairs in front of the office desk. Before sitting, Dr. Greggs held her hand out to Bella and they introduced themselves.

" Edward has only said amazing things about you, Bella." she said, smiling warmly as she sat.

Bella blushed five shades of red and looked over at me, " I think he is a little bias."

" Never."

" Okay, well, let's get started a bit. So, Bella, do you have a job?"

" Yes, I do. I just started working at Little Brown downtown as a publisher."

" Oh! That building just opened as us this month, is that right?"

" Yes. I've had a position there since last summer/fall."

" That sounds great. How do you feel about being here today with, Edward? Any concerns at all?"

My eyes shifted nervously over to Bella, making sure that she was somewhat comfortable. I didn't want her to feel awkward or weird here.

" No concerns really...I just want to be here for him. I think he needs to know that I care about him as much as I say I do."

" Bella, I-"

" You should let her speak freely, Edward." Dr. Greggs interrupted.

" No, it's alright. I know you know that Edward, sometimes you just seem to forget it in your head. My actions sometimes sway you though. I understand."

" Actions. What do you mean by that?"

" Edward's black eye is exhibit A."

Dr. Greggs looked at my eye, " I was going to ask you about that. Do you both have very physical fights?"

" No!" Bella and I shouted at the same time.

" I do not mean to ask anything into offense, but have you both considered going to couple's therapy? This is just a suggestion of course."

I felt my anger spike slightly. She was my psychiatrist, not somebody to judge what happens in my relationship. I was very protective of that, and I wasn't about to let her insinuate that Bella and I are having bad issues; which we aren't. When it came to Bella and our relationship, that was something between us. Whatever we do in our relationship is nobody else's business.

That included my psychiatrist. I honestly wasn't going to make a fuss over it, but I was going to make my point.

" Bella and I can handle any issues in our relationship on our own." I said defensively.

" I will not push the subject any further. How about we just move on to something else?"

I sighed and next to me Bella nodded. Dr. Gregg's thought for a second before looking up towards Bella.

" Bella, I presume you know much of Edward's past. How do you feel about it? Do you and Edward talk often of it?

" I feel awful that he had to go through what he did. I wish it would have never happened to him, but at the same time it brought me to him. When he was adopted by the Cullen's, and I became friends with Alice in college and spent last summer with them...If none of his past happened then I would have never found him. I feel bad that I can't completely think it's terrible, but..."

I rested my hand on her knee and gave it a reassuring squeeze, " Don't feel bad. I feel the same way."

" How about Edward's school and work hours? I can see how much you both care about each other, is there ever issues with that?"

I'd talked to Dr. Greggs about it, so she actually knew the situation with that. I figured she wanted to hear Bella's input about it and see what her view was on it. I had told Dr. Greggs how hard it was not being able to see Bella as often as I had before, and expressed some of the small arguments that we have had over it.

I looked over and saw Bella looking at her lap sadly.

" I miss him a lot. It's hard being without him. It's the hardest when I wake up in the middle of the night and...I know he's just getting into bed, and in the morning when he is leaving. When it's days in a row I just miss him so much. I can't even put it into words." she whispered.

" Do you guys have a special day to go out during the week?"

" That was actually a conflict we held that led to...my eye. I have been at the hospital so often that on the night we planned to go out every week; I haven't made it. Both of us handled the situation wrong when facing the conflict. We're working on it."

Bella smiled at me, " We're not perfect..."

" And no couple is, but I can see how dedicated you both are to each other and making it work. Your love is very obvious between both of you, and that is something rare. I'm so happy that Edward has a great supporter in his life. He needs them. And you both don't have to have a specific day, whenever you both find free time anytime; don't make it a job."

" I'm just glad I can be there for him...For you, Edward. I care about you so much. More than anything else. I just want you to always know that no matter what happens."

" I do know that, Bella. I promise you I do."

She nodded and leaned closer towards the arm of the chair. I moved her off the chair to sit on my left leg so that I could hold her. I wrapped my arms securely around her waist and pressed my nose into her neck, breathing in her sweet scent.

" Well, Edward, the last conversation we had was mostly about your stay in the hospital when your dad died. What happened after you were in the hospital? Was your mother with you at that time?"

I sighed and Bella gave me a reassuring look.

" That was when my mother left. She never...never came back. Carlisle was my doctor, and we went through the process of adopted while I was in recovery at the hospital. While I was there Esme came to visit me, and she brought Alice a few times. I never had to go through a group home or anything."

She nodded, " I bet a lot of your abandonment feelings come from when she never came to the hospital. That would definitely be where it stems from. It's very understandable that you would feel that way. It sounds like you had a good relationship with your mother, is that correct?"

" Yes. She used to...After my father would...She'd help me and stitch me up, or take me to the hospital with some excuse that I was hurt during gym at school or something. According to the hospital I was very clumsy. At that time nobody guessed I was being hurt. Days I would have to stay over night my mom would always stay with me, keep me company and entertained in early hours of the morning. For awhile she was everything. She was the only thing that kept me from running away."

" And it's understandable that you would have a close bond. She was there when your father wasn't, to pick you up when you were down so to speak. And having that person just disappear like your mother did will leave a big scar on you. Especially in the case where you are left alone in a hospital. Did you ever try to contact her?"

" No, I didn't."

She nodded, " You are a very strong man for enduring such things, Edward. Not many people can handle the situation like you did."

" I told you." Bella whispered in my ear.

" Edward, everybody can see how strong you are. It's a big part of why they love you. Your strength and deep care for people, even if you can be stubborn at times."

Bella kissed my cheek.

" When isn't he stubborn?"

I rolled my eyes at her and sighed. I knew that she was right. I wouldn't lie about it. But she had a pretty good dose of stubborn in her, too. It didn't matter, as Dr. Greggs said; nobody is perfect. It's true.

Things were starting to look up right now. I was looking forward to moving on.

If I only I knew how wrong I was on that statement.

~\\~

April 11th

~\\~

I drove home from the hospital. The sky was pitch black and not even a sliver of the moon was shining in the light.

A Saturday night.

And it's already past ten.

I knew what I would have to face when I got home that night

April 5th Jasper's Birthday came and went. Alice and ime were still trying to work out their relationship still. It's been harder with Alice away at school, and we've talked on the phone about it many times. She's been trying to keep it together and I'm trying to be there for her.

I haven't seen or talked to Jasper at all, even when I left a voicemail for him on his phone wishing him a good Birthday. I knew he didn't deserve it, but I sure as hell was being the bigger man. Jasper could be pissed off at me and hate my guts, but I would always respect the fact that at one point; he was my best friend. I didn't want to cut him out even though he cut me out.

At this point I was more worried about getting home. When I pulled into the neighborhood I took a deep breath. The houses were mostly dark, and the only light from the street lamps at the end of streets. There were a few older kids hanging out in garage's or playing basketball. I was careful in the roads either way.

I looked over at my lab coat laying on the seat and saw blood splatter on it. Right when I was leaving at six thirty, there was an accident and a family of eight was in a bad car crash. They were hit dead on from a semi and rolled off of the highway and down a ditch.

Their father had died on impact, who was the driver. The mother was barely hanging on, and most of the kids were suffering from broken bones and concussions. It was a very terrible accident, and when they were being rolled in I think everybody was pretty shocked. It wasn't common that a big family like this come in on this type of situation.

The doctors said the mother might not make it through the night. I felt completely awful for the children. The mother had a lot of head trauma and internal stomach bleeding that took over an hour to get under control completely. There were two transfusions and almost a third. I had given as much assistance as I could with what I knew.

I also learned more.

But I've also never felt as awful tonight as I do right now.

When I pulled into the driveway, her car was gone.

I tried not to panic and keep calm.

I'd called her four times. She had never answered her phone when I tried to get a hold of her. Even when I called a half hour earlier than we were supposed to leave to go out, she never even answered the phone. I didn't want to leave her completely hanging, and I wanted to make it right in some way.

I quickly got out of the car and locked it behind me. As I jogged up the stairs the house was quiet, too quiet. I unlocked the front door and pushed it open. When it slammed I called out her name and there was no response. I tried once again not to panic.

After I took off my shoes I walked to the kitchen to see if she was there, or possibly in the living room. I wasn't going to completely give up all my hope.

There was a note on the counter instead, waiting for me.

With shaking hands I went to grab the note and saw her script written elegantly on the sheet. There was a small dot on the paper that looked crumpled, like it had water drop on it and dried. I touched it, knowing it was probably a tear.

_You broke your promise._

_I can't be here right now._

_-Bella._

I felt something inside of me clench painfully.

She had given up and left me.

My breathing hitched as I read over the words and felt tears sting my eyes. I tried to hold it back so that I could try and fix this.

I grabbed for my cell phone and called Bella's cell phone. It went straight to voicemail and I felt my brain working frantically. My free hand was glued to my hair.

" Bella...I-I need you to...Fuck, I can't...I can't be here with-without you. Baby, I love you...You're supposed to understand, supposed to the the on-only one who ca-can. I'm s-sorry. Bella, please."

My voice was cracking and breaking, and it probably matched my mangled heart. My phone slipped from my grasp and I heard it beep. For a very long moment I stilled, holding the note in my hand and seeing the words written.

Without another though I grabbed my phone and dialed Alice's cell phone. It was late, but I was hoping that she would answer and give me some insight about this. I had no idea if Bella talked to her any time today. I wasn't sure.

Alice answered the phone tiredly, a yawn echoing through the phone.

" Edward, why are you calling so late? Are you okay?" Alice asked sleepily.

" Have you talked to Bella?"

" No. What happened?"

" She left."

" She what? Edward, what happened?" Alice screeched.

" I broke a promise."

I heard Alice mutter something under her breath, " I told her she can't just fucking leave you like that! Damnit, Edward. Please don't do anything st-"

" I have to go."

" I'm calling mom and da-"

I clicked the end call button before I could hear anything else. I flung my phone across the room and it hit the wall. I ripped my tie off my neck and threw it on the ground, my other hand crumpling her note in my fist.

I was fucking tired of people leaving me when I needed them the most. The moment that I couldn't be there to do something, or do it right; I was fucking no good to them. I was tired of feeling worthless.

Fuck my father.

Fuck my mother.

And fuck Bella for being another repeat.

I walked down the hall and up the stairs to the bedroom, feeling my anger spike further with each step. When I opened up the bedroom door I went to the closet immediately to check if any of her belongings were still there.

There was about half of her clothes completely gone, and most of her shoes were there. I slammed my hands into the rack and it broke down to the floor on contact. Her clothes laid on the ground at my feet, and I tried my hardest not to slam my fist into the fucking wall.

I pulled at my hair roughly, tugging at the roots. I found myself in the bathroom, seeing myself in the mirror and the image was way too familiar in my head. It was fresh.

Here I was.

Again.

In this situation once more.

I felt sick looking at myself.

Time passed as I stared in the mirror, and I felt the anger inside of me start to fade. I only felt defeated, like I was closing in on myself once again and there was nothing anybody could do about it. The feeling was familiar. Everything about the scene was familiar.

It was only moments later I ended up on the floor trying to come to grips with myself. I pulled my legs up to my chest, as if that were the way to hold myself together.

Bella was my world.

And she just left me.

There was no way she could have loved me like she said she did. I couldn't ever leave her like that. She is everything. Nothing else can compare to her. Nobody can compare. It fucking pissed me off that she could do that to me, it was like she led me on. I wanted to know what she thought when she decided to leave.

She wanted to give this living together thing a try and we would go from there?

I bet she never even wanted to fucking move in, in the first place. She was only looking for an easy out after this. She just felt obligated.

Fuck her.

" Edward! Carlisle check the basement, I'll go upstairs!"

The familiar voice sparked something inside of me.

Someone who cared.

I felt my hands shaking and I looked up from the floor. I heard loud footsteps and my bedroom door creak slightly. Some part of me wanted it to be Bella, but I knew that it wasn't. It might never be.

Esme appeared in the bathroom doorway and she came to me quickly, kneeling down on the floor next to me. I looked up at her, and the look of devastation on her face struck something inside of me.

" She left." I choked out, feeling more tears flow down my face.

" Oh, my baby." she whispered, taking me in her arms.

I hung onto Esme, burying my face in her neck and letting myself release the hurt inside of me; the devastation, anger and abandonment. I choked on sobs, and she just held me tighter and rubbed my back soothingly. I felt comforted. I felt like someone at least thought I mattered.

I heard Carlisle enter the room a little while after, and he knelt beside Esme and rested his hand on the back of my neck gently.

" How could she do this to him, Carlisle?"

" I don't know, Esme. I'm going to try and call Emmett and see if Rosalie has talked to her."

I heard plenty of talking after that. Many calls were exchanged, and yelling was involved. I'd never heard Carlisle actually yell and be angry. He always kept his cool and was always calm. It was weird seeing him that way.

Eventually Esme left and I put on different clothes and just crawled into bed. I didn't want to be anywhere else. I felt nauseas, and my chest kept tightening up. The darkness of the room made me feel as if I could disappear into it. I couldn't keep my thoughts in check.

" Edward, sweetheart?" I heard Esme say gently as the bedroom door opened.

I didn't respond.

She hands me a pill, which I take without question. I don't even care.

" Why would she leave me like that?" I wondered out loud.

" I'm not sure, Edward. Everybody handle's things differently, but leaving you like she did was awful."

I knew that they were mostly upset because of that fact. By Bella up and leaving like that, they were all very obviously worried I was going to hurt myself in some way, or try to commit suicide once more. I honestly couldn't tell anybody that it wouldn't have been an option if I was alone longer.

" I want to be alone. You and Carlisle can leave. Just call me every few hours. I'll answer."

" Ed-"

" Please, Esme. I need to be alone right now."

" Okay. We'll call you in a few hours. I love you, sweetheart."

" Love you, too." I mumbled, closing my eyes

Soon, the bedroom door opened and closed, and soon after, the front door followed. I was glad that they finally left me alone so that I could think on my own. I didn't want to hear them downstairs, or opening my bedroom door. I needed fucking solitude.

My body was slack on my mattress...our mattress. Everything felt so wrong without her here. I had nobody to wrap my arms around and pull close. There was no teasing and joking before going to sleep. No final kiss goodnight.

And in a way; it was my fault.

I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that it was so easy for her to leave.

It was easy for my mother to leave.

The doubts in my mind just kept flooding forward, and I didn't bother to stop them from flowing. I was understandably hurt. I was shot. Defeated.

I was angry at Bella for leaving me. I was angry that she couldn't stay so that we could have sat down and had a real conversation. We could have talked calmly and rationally at our feelings and everything.

No shoe throwing.

Yelling.

Anger.

Or tears.

And at one point, I figured that we shouldn't even make ourselves a specific day. Why the fuck did I have to put aside a certain day to have dinner with my fucking girlfriend. Couldn't we do it nights we knew we were free? So many questions followed my anger and sadness, too many questions.

If I got home early on Thursday nights, why the fuck should we wait until Saturday? Full well knowing I have that night off early. It was fucking insane when I thought about it. We shouldn't have to be a on a schedule with each other.

But that was the way she wanted it so that's how I did it.

Whatever Bella wanted in this relationship, besides the sex factor, I gave her.

Anger flooded through me and I tried to take a deep breath to calm myself.

I was overtaken by the sudden urge of tiredness. Somehow all of my other thoughts just seemed to fade away and fizzle out.

I figured it was that pill Esme had given me. I didn't even know what it was, but somehow it was the greatest escape for now.

I heard a loud meow and felt little JoJo hop onto the bed, setting over my legs. I looked over at the little ball of fluff and he watched me, meowing once more.

" What the fuck is wrong with my life?"

He meowed, giving me a look that was like a ' fuck you just pet me' sort of thing. I sighed and reached out, feeling him brush his fur against my hand. When I pulled him closer he smelt like Bella. He usually was something that came between us at night if Bella and I didn't cuddle. JoJo endured all of Bella's snuggling habits, even the ones that involve burrowing.

I pet him once more before closing my eyes.

It was the first night on my own in a long time.

**Authors Note- I know it was shorter. But I am working on next chapter and all of its intenseness so cut me a break! I've been keeping this Tuesday schedule good, and replying to ALL reviews!**

**Review!**


	40. Mending

**Authors Note- It's a day late. But my twitter explains. You should follow me!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

When I woke up the sun was shining.

This wasn't some often occurrence here in Seattle. In fact, the entire state of Washington is usually overcast by clouds, and it's always raining. It's never bothered me, but it was weird how out of all the fucking days, today it was shining.

My body felt weak, and my chest was hurting. I wasn't completely surprised considering how it had been tightening last night. I couldn't fail to mention the crying sessions I randomly had in the middle of the night like a little girl. I wasn't proud of them, but I wouldn't deny them either.

Something felt different in the house, but I couldn't place it at all.

All I felt was just anger and sadness.

No fucking shock there.

I sat up in the bed slowly, pressing my palms into my eyes. They were dry and sore.

I was glad today I was off from the hospital and only had to endure a late shift at the library. I didn't want to even think about having to work right now. When I looked at my phone, there was one missed call from Esme. I sent her a text to let her know I was alright and tossed my phone on the bed. Last thing I needed was for her to run over here and think something was wrong.

When I stood, I immediately wanted to get back down. Everything fucking hurt.

And thinking about Bella made my chest twinge and my stomach nervous.

The moment I walked out of the bedroom, I heard movement downstairs. My body froze for just a moment.

I walked down the stairs, drowsy, annoyed and feeling like shit.

When I looked over by the foyer, I saw a familiar set of keys on the table.

I felt the anger pierce through me immediately, and I paused in the middle of the hallway. I was surprised at the amount of anger that I even felt towards her. There wasn't a moment in my life where I thought I would ever feel this way towards her.

Suddenly, Bella appeared, looking panicked and relieved all at the same time. She made a move to walk towards me but I put my hand out.

" Edward! Oh my god...I don't know what the hell I was thinking last night. Alice called me and told me you were freaking out over the phone when you got home, and that she called Carlisle and Esme to get over here...I wasn't thinking. I was just so upset that you didn't make it again to dinner. When Alice called I was going to go over there but she told me to stay away. I called Esme this morning...She won't...She hates me." Bella stuttered out, eyes wide and frantic.

" I think that you need to pack your things and go." my words even surprised me.

Her breathing hitched visibly and tears immediately welled up in her eyes. I was ending this before I could get hurt more.

" Edward, please don't..." she started.

" You left me last night over fucking dinner plans. Why in the hell should I have to be on a schedule with my own fucking girlfriend? Damnit, Bella. I'm tired of disappointing you all the time, and having to deal with your attitude about it. I'm sorry! What else do you want me to say? Yeah, when I got home last night and saw that note my mind went right back to what it was."

" I didn't mean to-"

" And it was so easy for you to just leave. It was just like when my mother left. When I needed her most. When I needed _someone_. They left. You were no different. You just gave up. I won't deal with it."

" I came back, Edward! I didn't fucking abandon you."

" You were the one who said you would stay here with me while I went through this shit!" I shouted, " You told me that you _wanted_ to be here with me, and I went along with it because not only do I love you, but you wanted to help! And you have fucking helped! Then you dropped me like a sack of bricks because you weren't thinking, and you were upset! I called you last night, even a half hour before we were supposed to go out. You didn't fucking answer the goddamn phone, Bella. We could have talked about it."

" We can talk about it now. I'm so sorry for everything last night. I never wanted that to happen. It was so wrong of me to do that to you, full well knowing that these past few weeks have been so hard on you. I just need you to understand how I was feeling, and how I reacted because of it. I wasn't thinking of what would happen when you got home…I was so upset last night that I didn't think about anything besides leaving."

" We can't talk about it now. It's over."

" It's over? What, we're over?" I could tell she was on the verge of absolute hysterics.

I'd never seen her that way. She was grasping for anything. Desperate.

Just like I always have been for her.

" No. We don't have to be. I just need time to think right now, and I think you should stay with your father while I think. Bella, I don't know if I can trust you not to leave again when things get hard."

" Do you not understand how hard it is sometimes dealing with you? I'm not saying you make it hard to live with, but everything with your past? Did you ever stop to think that maybe I've been having a hard time trying to make sure you are alright, working, and on top of that, not even being able to see you? I acted rashly, I understand that. But it's so fucking hard sometimes having to emotionally deal with everything going on with you and myself. I'm not looking for excuses, but you have to realize that I have a breaking point, too."

" And you need to learn to talk to me about these things. I do love you, Bella. And I do understand."

" Is that not enough to let me stay? Edward, please... I can't sit and wonder if you are doing okay every day. I don't want to be without you, and I know that's very selfish but I can't do it every day."

" You sat and wondered last night when you left."

In front of me I saw the last of her walls break down and a sob ripped from her chest. It was real. It wasn't fake and pleading and desperate. It was raw and broken.

" I-I ca-can't...I won't f-force you to let-let me s-stay."

She was walking past me with faltering steps, not giving another glance in my direction. I'd never seen her look so broken. It was how I felt, and seeing her like that hit me so hard. This was someone that I loved with my entire heart. I would do absolutely anything for her no matter what.

All of a sudden nothing else even mattered anymore. I didn't care that she left, because right now she was feeling the pain I felt when I was rejected by loved ones. No matter what, I didn't believe that she ever deserved to feel that way. I couldn't do that to her knowing how much it hurt when it happened to me.

I heard her footsteps going up the stairs, and I stilled completely in my spot.

_" I care about you so much. More than anything else. I just want you to always know that no matter what happens."_

_" What I just want is for us to be happy. And, this might sound crazy only being with you a week, but something just tells me this is right."_

_" You mean the world to me, too."_

_" I can't live without you, Edward."_

She never stopped loving me.

I soon found myself following her up the stairs, but I could hear her already in the bedroom. There was a small gasp, and I figured she found the closet.

When I reached the bedroom I saw Bella sitting at the end of the bed with her head in her hands. Her small body was shaking uncontrollably. I reached out for her and took her in my arms, wrapping them around her tightly. Both of her arms came to wrap around my neck tightly, and she gripped me with everything in her, body trembling.

" We can't keep doing this."

" I know." she rasped out.

" We need to talk to each other. And need to get things straight with our relationship."

She nodded against my chest and I felt another sob rip through her chest.

" Baby, I don't want you to leave." I whispered my voice cracking.

" I won't ever leave you again, Edward." Bella cried softly, gripping my tighter.

I nodded and rested my chin on her shoulder, brushing my fingers through her hair. I felt her short, uneven breathing against my neck. I rocked us back and forth, but it didn't seem to help her crying much.

" I'll fix the closet." I whispered.

" The closet doesn't matter to me."

I sat down on the edge of the bed and tugged her into my lap. Her forehead rested on my shoulder gently.

" Can I take a shower? Then maybe we could go downstairs and talk for a bit."

" Okay."

~\\~

Once I was finished taking a shower, I felt better than I had before definitely. I dressed in a pair of low slung jeans and a white wife beater. My hair was a lost cause as it always was. I made a call into the library and Jenn was taking my hours for today.

I figured that this was more important than working today. I was off from the hospital, and I did have a bit to study for, but I wasn't going to stress about it. After wiping the mirror off in the bathroom I headed downstairs. I tossed my towel in the basket on top of the washing machine and went into the kitchen.

Bella had made pecan pancakes and was sitting on the couch eating. When she heard me she looked up.

" I wasn't sure if you were hungry. I haven't had anything to eat so..."

" Not right now."

I went over and sat on the couch, rubbing my hands into my face. Bella set her empty plate on the coffee table and looked at me. Her eyes were still red, and she wiped them often. Probably because they were dry.

" I think we should start with our...supposed Saturday night dinners."

She nodded, giving her full attention to me genuinely.

" I definitely think that we shouldn't be setting a night in stone. At the hospital, I have no idea what the fuck is going to happen. Last night, when I was walking out of the doors, a family of eight came in. I was leaving an hour early, it wasn't busy, but they needed me when the family came in. I can't just tell them no, Bella. And I called you and tried to tell you. I left you two voicemails."

" I knew you weren't going to make it, so I didn't answer." she whispered.

" Why did you do that?"

" Because I was upset, Edward! You can't sit here and tell me you haven't done anything because you were upset and not thinking. Maybe one of the hundred times you've snapped at me when I've tried to calm you down? I know I was at fault last night, but...things were building up until I just snapped. It was like the day you tried to kill yourself, it was building up and up until you finally just cracked when that one last thing was just enough."

" You have to talk to me about this, Bella!"

" It's hard! The only time we get together is when we are sleeping, either that or your...never mind."

I sighed, " Look. At least once a week there is a night where both of us is home, and it's a good time. Bella, when we have those nights, we can go out. I hate having to form this around my schedule, but there isn't anything that I can do right now about it. But we have to make the best of the time we have free. I don't care if we are laying in bed watching movies, or going out to dinner and bowling or some shit. We just have to spend that time together."

" I want to spend that time with you, Edward. That's all I want." she murmured.

" And we have to talk to each other about things. I don't want anything bottled up."

" I feel like you always put work and school before me."

" Bel-"

" Not in the way you are thinking...But when last Thursday, you got home at seven. I asked you if you wanted to out to dinner, and you said you had to study and you were exhausted. I asked again on Friday, and you said you were tired and went upstairs to bed. I've tried Edward, but you always make an excuse. ' I have work early', ' I have class early', ' I'm tired, babe', ' I thought it was Saturdays'. I'm not the only one at fault here, Edward. Yeah, we might be exhausted, but we can't let our relationship turn into...what it has been. I want to do things with you, and have fun. It doesn't have to be expensive; I just want to be with you."

I let her words sink in, and realized how fucking right she was.

I put my head in my hands and sighed. She was quite as I sat to think in my thoughts.

" Look, I'm not trying to turn it on you, Edward...But you and I have been rocky when it comes to certain shit, and we need to work on it together. I'm not the only person who should put forth an effort."

" It's been...pretty much all about me since...Fuck, it's always about me. I've never stop to think about how work has been going for you, or even do anything else. I'm sorry, Bella."

" Edward, it's always about either you or I, but not much about _us._ We need to work on that."

I looked over at her, " Are you going to stay?"

" Only if you want me to."

" I don't want you to leave..."

" I think I need to have a talk with Carlisle and Esme, and Alice...They were all pretty upset with me. I honestly can't blame them."

I nodded in understanding, " I know. But can we just have today to ourselves? I don't want to talk to them about anything. I just want you."

She moved over towards me and wrapped her arms fiercely around me.

" I love you, Edward. I hope you know that; I do."

" I know, sweetheart. I love you, too." I whispered in her ear softly.

I adjusted her to sit in my lap and she rested her head on my chest.

" Promise that this won't happen again."

" That's a promise I will always keep." she said firmly.

I ran my fingers through her hair and pressed her head against my chest, not wanting to move from this position. She leaned her head up to look at me and rested her hand on my jaw. I smoothed her hair back and pressed my forehead to hers for a short moment.

" Want to go want around the city a bit? Maybe get some coffee?" I asked, brushing her hair away from her face.

" Yeah, that would be great. I just want to change."

I nodded in understanding and moved away from her. Before she could, I went to the closet and picked up the clothing rod. I picked it up and Bella followed. She said nothing, only taking the clothes off of it and draping it over the end of the bed. I put the rod in the floor, promising to fix it later. She leafed through clothes before heading to the bathroom. I ran my hands over my face, listening to the sound of the water turning on and off, her shuffling around and the drop of fabric.

I knew that this wasn't something that was being fixed today, or forgotten. We both very obviously have to work on spending time together and making an effort to do that. I never thought I'd ever have this issue with Bella. If anything, I expected in the long run we would be sick of each other, even know that wasn't possible for me, but here we were having issues with not seeing each other.

I was soon broken out of my thoughts when Bella stepped out of the bathroom. Her hair was in ringlets below her bare shoulders. She had on a strapless flowy white shirt with dots of color, tight black skinny jeans, and a pair of pink wedge-type shoes. The top clung to her bust and showed off her cleavage a bit, and the heart necklace she wore drew eyes near that area. I smiled when I saw her little pearl earrings on her ears. Her makeup was light and pink, giving her a bit of color.

She grabbed her grey wool pea coat from the bed and slipped it on. It's still chilly outside a bit. Then she grabbed her little clutch and we walked downstairs together. I slipped on my leather jacket when I got downstairs and grabbed my car keys.

" You look beautiful."

" Thank you."

After opening the passenger door for her, I got in the car myself and made my way downtown.

She suddenly looked over at me, " Don't you work today?"

" I had Jenn take my hours."

" Edward, you di-"

" What kind of fucking idiot would I be to go to work after all this?"

Bella said nothing to that and I sighed, " Do you really think I would do that to you?"

" No, I don't."

She reached over and grasped my hand in hers. I squeezed her fingers and glanced over at her, wanting to make sure that she was alright.

When we reached the coffee shop we both went inside hand in hand. As we were standing at the counter making the orders, Bella told them to make it to go. I didn't question her, and when we got our drinks, instead of walking to the car; we headed down the sidewalk along the other random shops until we reached Waterfront Park, which leads off to the pier. We drank most of our coffee on the way, and mine was discarded before we entered the park.

Not many people were around, which is surprising considering it's a Sunday. It was peaceful and quiet today. As we walked down pier fifty seven, which is down along the waterfront, Bella paused by the railing and looked out into the water.

" It's so beautiful out here." she said, taking a sip of her coffee.

" It pales in comparison to you."

She smiled but it quickly faltered. I stepped behind her and wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, pulling her back to my chest. Bella's head rested back on my shoulder and she sighed.

" I love you."

" I love you, too, sunshine." I murmured, kissing the side of her neck.

Just as she opened her mouth to say something, her phone went off. She sighed and grabbed it as I released her from my grips. When she answered her phone, I saw an almost terrified look on her face.

" Alice, can I-...No, I do-...Alice!...Fuck, can you please just lis-...You don't under-...You don't!"

I grabbed the phone from her and put it to my ear. I could clearly hear Alice's very loud yelling.

" I can't believe you could be such a bitch? And I call you my best fri-"

" Can you shut the fuck up already?" I asked her.

There was silence.

" None of this is any of your business. You keep your relationship private, and I'll keep mine. If you call her anything close to a 'bitch' again, I'm not going to just let you off with a warning. This isn't just about her wrong doings. It's about mine, too."

" Yeah, Edward? Well, she was my best friend."

" And Jasper wasn't mine? I won't condone it, Alice. Don't call her phone again for today, and if I hear anything about her receiving another call like this; I'm not letting it slide. Let it be, Alice."

" How can you forgive her for leaving last night?"

Bella looked like she was almost in tears once again with a deep look of frustration on her face. I kept her against my chest and sighed once more.

" I'm not having this conversation anymore. We can talk once you decide to calm the hell down."

" Edward...You always let people walk all over you and tell you what to do. Don't let Bella sway you."

" And yet you sit here and basically tell me not to forgive her? That's very hypocritical Alice. You and Jasper have been having issues since Christmas and have I once tried to pry into it? No, absolutely fucking not. I don't want to hear anything from you about this."

" Wow, Edward. You are the _reason _why Jasper and I aren't working out right now!"

" Really? Well, I'm sorry to be such a burden to you. I'll remember that next time I see you,_ sister._ And don't fucking bother calling my cell phone. I'm tired of hearing all of your fucking whining about Jasper. Instead of sitting in a dorm, how about you actually stand up for your relationship like Bella and I are standing up for ours."

I hung up the phone and took Bella's little clutch. I shoved her phone inside and secured the clasp, handing it back to her.

Bella gave me a look and I grabbed her wrist to pull her to me. Her head buried in my chest as she hung onto me tightly. She ran her hands down my sides, to my hips and around to my lower back.

" She doesn't know how to shut up."

" Am I even worth it?"

I pulled her chin up so that she would look at me.

" There isn't any person I would fight as hard for, as I would for you. I want us to work out more than anything. You are my everything."

" I dont want this to be a fight the entire way through. I just want to be with you and not worry about anything else. You're everything."

When my lips pressed against hers, a slight gasp escaped her lips. I pulled her to me, fisting her hair in my hand and keeping her lips firmly to mine. She had her grips on the lapels of my jacket. I licked her bottom lip before thrusting my tongue into her mouth. I pressed her against the railing and moved my hands to the wrought iron to grip it, keeping her in my clutches. Her hands moved up to my shoulders, and I sighed into her mouth.

" We really shouldn't be making out here." Bella interrupted, kissing my jaw numerous times.

I pressed my forehead to hers, " I know."

She sighed and instead hid her face in my shirt.

" Everything is going to be okay, right?"

" They will be." I replied, rubbing her back, " Someday."

" Let's go." she said, grabbing my hand and giving a tug.

I'd go anywhere she asked

~\\~

Bella and I ended up walking less than a mile down to Pioneer Square, where we ended up in the library in that area flipping through books of all sorts. Bella was stuck in the classics section while I looked around everywhere, flipping through all the randoms and new best sellers.

It had been a really long time since I'd been able to walk around a bookstore, take my time and just enjoy all of it. I used to do it often in high school, which is why I ended up with such an expanse collection and over the years it grew as my taste did. I had everything from Medical Dictionary's to old civil war books and music biographies

We left with a bag of books needless to say.

Then we decided to take a trip over to Pike's Place before heading back home. I knew that Bella often liked to cook, so I let her grab some things to stock the house a bit more. I wanted her to have things to cook with if she ever just wanted to make something.

" I like this." Bella said as she grabbed some shitake mushrooms.

" Like what?"

" Spending time with you like this. I miss it, you know?"

" I know."

After we made all of our purchases there we then walked back to the car and put everything inside before heading off. It was just past four at this point, and we were planning on making dinner tonight for the both of us.

When we got home, we were greeted by JoJo who very excitedly pranced around the foyer as we took our coats off.

It was the simplicity of it all that made it enough.

~\\~

" You're distracting me."

I skimmed my hands gently over exposed creamy, soft skin. I marveled in the feeling of it underneath my fingertips. Goosebumps spread over her flesh, and her body tensed for just a second before relaxing. I brushed her brown hair aside and pressed my lips to her soft skin. It smelt like vanilla and just...her. There was no word to explain it.

She turned her head towards me and kissed the corner of my mouth.

I dropped one of my hands to her stomach and felt the thin fabric of her tank top underneath. I leaned my forehead against her shoulder. My front pressed against her back; feeling the familiar heat of her warm body so close.

Without another word, or fleeting thought, I swooped her into my arms. A small squeal of surprise emitted from her throat. When I reached the bed I sprawled her out over the sheets and laid next to her.

" Do you think Dr. Greggs was right about us seeing a couples therapist?"

" I hate the thought of someone knowing everything about our relationship. I like having some kind of...solitude knowing that there is just you and I in this relationship. If you feel like we need to, then I'll do it for you. I promise."

" I agree with you. Let's just...take some time to work on us and enjoy each other before resorting to that."

I leaned over and pressed a slow kiss on her lips.

" This...Us...It's all I need right now." I murmured.

" It's all I need, too. There isn't any other thing that I want more in this world than to be with you."

And from then on, I knew that Bella and I would be alright.

**Authors Note- I know some of you wish Edward probably didn't forgive Bella. Or some wish Bella never came back. But this is how it happened. They both are committed to each other to the point where they will find a way to work it out. I honestly hope everybody can see how honestly sincere the both of them are in this chapter. Because that's what I was aiming for completely**

**Now, I've had some links I have posted today They are in my profile at the end.**

**I have the link to Edward's Grandfathers House (where they live now). The kitchen in the house. The Waterfront in Seattle, where they visited in this chapter. And Bella's outfit for this chapter. I've recently discovered Polyvore, so I've been playing around with it a bit!**

**Let me know your thoughts in a review! I reply to them all!**

**Next Chapter, well, I think all of you might be a little bit surprised!**


	41. Moving On

**Authors Note- Yeah…Hello…Hope all of you American's enjoyed 4****th**** of July. Mine was cool. Well…Moving on. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

April 7th

EPOV

~\\~

" Please...You have to save her! Katie, Katie wake up please!"

I pressed my hand firmly to the girl's stomach. There was too much loss at this point.

We didn't even make it into a fucking room. It wasn't even almost worth it. Things wheeled out into the hallway. Blood streaked down my lab coat. It was gruesome and I almost wanted to look away. Her face was peaceful in some way though, despite all of the rushing and heartbreak around her. She was gone.

It was a robbery. And what turned into a desperate man off the street wanting money and any kind of expensive jewelry and things, ended up to be a fight that ended with a man's beloved fiancée being stabbed. She came in with heavy bleeding from her stomach, and she was already basically gone when they got here. It was too much bleeding to even try to get under control.

They came in completely unexpected. Apparently the phones were down when the paramedics attempted to call the hospital to get anything ready. They said it wouldn't have mattered anyways. That she was basically gone when they arrived here.

Her fiancée tried to fight off the man. Of course he did. But that was the mistake. When it comes to robbers, it's always best to give them what they want and let them go. Regardless, it wasn't the man's fault. I honestly couldn't doubt that this guy wasn't blaming himself though. I could see it by just looking at him. It was written all over his face very obviously.

I believed his name was Bryan. All I could see of him was kneeling on the floor crying for his fiancée, and grieving from the loss.

All I could think about was what if this had been Bella and I was him. If this ever happened to me I have no idea what the fuck I would do. This shit can happen to anybody. A second seemed like an entire hour just standing here.

" Call it."

" 11:57 PM."

" No, no. God, please, no. Katie! I love you, please!"

I could even imagine what it would ever be like to lose someone like that. The one person that is your soul mate, and the one that you love most. I felt a twinge of pain in my heart just merely thinking about it. It was unfathomable.

Her body lay on the gurney, still and pale now. The blood was soaked through all of the white fabric and many doctors and some of us doing our residency's had plenty of blood on their coats. I unfortunately was one of them.

A few doctors helped her fiancée to a seat to attempt to calm him down. He wasn't responding too much. I couldn't even blame him. He just lost the love of his life. They sat down, asked who they should call family wise. And there were two police and three paramedics hanging around the place.

Dr. Kane let all of us go after this. We all had been staying late anyways. Every night is different and tonight was especially stressful. I honestly wanted to get out of there as quick as I could.

I sprinted to my car and got in without another word to anybody.

I felt shaken up, and I didn't even know the person. Obviously it's not professional to act weak in a situation like that. And it wasn't like I was about to cry, but in my thought process. I could only imagine if that were me and that was Bella laying there dead. An involuntary shiver ran down my spine.

When I got home I tossed my coat towards the laundry basket and was upstairs before I could even blink. I opened up the bedroom door and I saw Bella sitting up in bed with the bedside light on and a book in her hand. When she looked up and saw me she gasped I looked down and saw that my blue button up was also pretty bloody.

" Oh my...Edward, are you alright?"

She took off her reading glasses and set her book aside. I threw my shoes off and my belt followed after. I almost ripped the shirt completely off of my body. It was disgusting and giving me bad flashbacks. Bella wrapped her arms around me and I held her closely.

" Hey, what's wrong?" she asked, running her hands over my chest.

I lifted Bella up in my arms and pressed my lips to hers frantically. She matched my pace and I moved us to the bed, releasing my hold on her for just a moment. I skimmed my hand down her stomach and to her upper thigh. She let out a quiet groan and slanted her mouth over mine to kiss me deeper.

" I love you so much."

" I-I love you, too." she replied in a raspy voice.

" I don't know what the fuck I would do if anything would ever happen to you."

My hands moved underneath her small nightgown and I tossed it over her head. Bella groaned deeply and moved her lips down to my neck. I was completely overtaken by extreme lust and want for her. There wasn't anything else I needed more than her.

" I need you."

Her hands ran over my back and went through my hair, and our lips moved together in perfect sync. I felt her body move up to press against mine. There was a moment where the feeling was completely indescribable, and all I could think about was more.

There was no stopping.

No hesitance.

I ran my fingers through her hair, tugging on it and keeping her held to me. She seemed like she couldn't get close enough to me, and I knew that I couldn't even get close enough to her. There was no space between us. A thin sheen of sweat formed on my forehead, and the rest of my body for that matter.

Bella's hands went to my slacks and she unzipped and pulled them completely off. I held her down on the mattress, moving my hands to lock around her wrists above her head afterwards. She looked up at me from underneath her eye lashes, her face flush and lips red.

" Are we?"

" Yeah."

" Okay." she sighed, letting out a noise from deep within her throat.

It was all the approval I needed.

~\\~

I very lightly ran my finger over her jaw. Her skin was soft and warm underneath my touch.

She looked so peaceful and at ease. I'd never seen her look so relaxed. The crease between her eyebrows that was usually present as she slept didn't even exist. She was masked with that look of peace.

Her back lay exposed as she lay on her stomach, fast asleep. I didn't want to bother her, so when I slipped out of bed I put a pillow in my place. After grabbing my boxers from the floor I stepped out into the balcony with a cigarette. I sat down in one of the chairs and took a long drag. It was just before five in the morning, and Bella had just passed out at four ten when we...settled down a bit. She fell asleep immediately.

I felt slightly guilty for the circumstances that caused Bella and I having sex, but I wasn't about to regret it. We both wanted last night to happen. And I lost myself in the moment and didn't stop anything from happening. I didn't want to stop it.

Once I finished my cigarette I went back inside. Bella had moved to lay on her side, and her back faced me. She had drawn up the sheet to cover her front and snuggled into her pillow. I went over to the bed and moved to lie down next to her. I pulled her back to my chest and wrapped my arms securely around her.

She awoke slightly startled and I brushed her hair back from her face.

" It's okay. Go back to sleep, sweetheart." I murmured quietly to her.

" You okay?"

" I am."

I wrapped her tighter in my arms and she sighed quietly. I rested my forehead on the back of her neck and shut my eyes.

It was a perfect moment.

~\\~

" Edward...Edward, you have to wake up." I heard her quiet voice murmur.

I opened my eyes slowly and looked around. Bella was laying on her side and facing me, the light blue sheet on the bed covering her up. Her hair fell loosely below her shoulders, and was smiling at me.

" What's wrong?"

" It's six. You have class today."

I sighed, " You're right...How are you feeling?"

" I'm okay?"

" Can you come over here for a moment?"

She looked confused so I reached over and wrapped my arms around her, holding her closely. I pulled her on top of me and she giggled into my neck. I pushed the sheet all the way down to her lower back and ran my hands along her skin.

" You were worth the wait." she whispered, pressing her lips to mine.

I twisted my fingers in her hair and slanted my mouth over hers, swallowing her quiet moan.

Her hands started to tug at my boxers and I pulled away from her slowly, kissing her lips a few times.

" We can't right now."

" Please?"

" I have to get in the shower. I promise when I get home later..."

" Aren't we having dinner with Carlisle and Esme tonight?"

Damn it.

" You're right. I completely forgot..."

" Will you make it?"

" I have all classes today. And my last class gets out at five forty five. I will be home right before six to pick you up and we will leave."

" And after I deal with that grueling, terrible, awkward dinner, we will come home and you'll distract me."

" You are insatiable...And I love it."

She smirked, " I know... Want to join me in a shower?"

" Hm, let me think about it."

I slung her body over my shoulder and she let out a tiny scream. I gave her ass a swift smack and felt her do the same to me. I took the sheet off of her and threw it on the ground, turning the water for the shower on. I stepped inside through the glass doors and wrested Bella into the cold shower water.

" EDWARD!" she screamed, gripping onto my shoulders.

" It's just a little bit of cold water." I teased, pecking her lips.

Goosebumps spread all over her skin and she pressed herself close to me, and then looked down.

" Why are you still wearing your boxers?"

" I'm not sure, babe. Maybe you should fix that."

" Maybe I should."

~\\~

" Okay, class. That finishes today off. Be sure to study all the chapters we've covered today. There is a test the ninth. That is this Thursday for those who don't know. Be ready for it. Mr. Samuels can you stay back a moment after class please."

I put my book back inside of my messenger back, as I was walking down the stairs and heading towards the door, Professor Waller looked over at me and smiled,

" Mr. Masen, I very much enjoyed reading your thesis paper on your opinion on Healthcare in the United States. I'd have to say out of everybody yours was definitely one of my favorite. You true feelings and passion really show in the work you've done."

Generally, I try to spend most of my times doing anything but a thesis because generally they are time consuming. I figured this time I'd give it a go, and I felt accomplished. I passed a smile back.

" Thank you, Professor Waller. I appreciate it."

" Of course. Keep it up."

After heading out of class I walked around campus and got myself some lunch at a small sandwich shop. I still have my Hematology class and PBL. Hematology has everything to do with internal medicine. PBL is problem-based learning, which is a curriculum development that helps people develop good problem solving skills.

I've been doing very well in all my classes, considering all of the shit I deal with on a daily basis. I know Bella is proud of me, and so is my family. So far, I feel very confident that when I graduate I'll be a good Emergency Physician.

I got a small coffee from a shop that's close to my next building and finished it off quickly before entering my twelve to three thirty class. We've been doing Cardio studying and work starting last week, so we are just getting into it and learning all of the details. Usually we focus on one topic pretty heavily and detailed, and what we learn in class, we also learn as we are in our residency. Not everybody in UW does theirs at the University of Washington Medical Center, they scatter a bit, but they are linked to the school, or whatever school they attend because everybody is in their proper groups.

I'd gotten a text from Bella that I checked after class telling me that she might be getting home a bit late. I sent her an assured reply that it was perfectly okay.

In just over three months Bella and I were basically going to have our one year anniversary.

July 23rd

I'd been thinking a lot of about it, and I wanted to do something special for her. I knew I'd have more free time this summer. I would still be at the hospital working, but I wouldn't have classes. I would be doing rounds and basically doing my job, still learning of course.

I also knew from talking to some students, that maybe I could get some time off. I knew they were going to be asking for just a few days, and hopefully I could do that same. I wanted to take Bella somewhere special.

At first I was thinking I could take her to the beach house in California, just both of us for a romantic extended weekend. I thought it would be the perfect place considering we started our relationship there, and it's where we became close. I know that Bella loves the sun, and it would be peaceful.

Then I thought about taking a trip to London. Bella always talks about wanting to take me to London. Although, I wanted to go there when I knew Bella and I could spend more time that I could even get off from the hospital. I was glad in a way that I only have two more years of Medical School before I graduate.

It would be a long process before I graduate though. Passing the USMLE, completing my residency, pass the medical board exam for my specialty. I knew the important steps to get my M.D. It was a grueling process, but I knew it was going to be all the worth it in the end.

After my last class I headed through the campus and someone ran into me as I was heading to my car. My bag dropped, papers scattered, and a hot, scalding drink splashed right at me. I caught myself on the railing before I fell on my ass and heard a gasp.

" Oh. My. God. I am so sorry!"

I saw a girl standing in front of me; she was medium height with long blonde hair pulled over one shoulder and light green eyes. When I looked at her, she looked awfully familiar to me.

" Wait...Are you Edward Masen?"

Something clicked into my head.

Makenna James.

She had been in my group therapy class when I was in high school. We also used to sneak out on breaks for a cigarette and talk.

" Your Makenna, right? You used to be in that group therapy class."

She nodded, " Yeah, I was. We used to sit next to each other...and sneak out for a cigarette's. You look really good. What are you at UW for?"

" Medical School right now. How about you?"

" I'm actually getting my nursing degree. I can't believe I haven't seen you around!"

" Yeah, me, too. How's everything going for you?'

" Great...Really good actually. You?"

Makenna had tragically lost both of her parents when she was fifteen, and she resorted to cutting and also had attempted suicide at one point. She had been living her aunt at the time, who put her in group therapy to help her in any way she could. In class Makenna always talked about how amazing her aunt was for taking her in, and seemed like someone she was close with even before her parents died. It really was an unfortunate situation regardless though.

" I've been really good."

" Anybody happen to steal your heart?"

" Ah, yes, actually." she checked for a ring on my hand.

She smiled, " That's great. I'm really happy for you Edward...You were always the brooding one, it's great to see you smiling and happy. When I found my fiancée it was like he filled that sad void a bit, ya know?"

" Definitely...Well, it was really great seeing you but I've got to head home."

" Maybe we could have coffee sometime? Catch up a bit?"

Makenna sounded completely sincere, with no double meanings behind what she said. I nodded at her.

" That would be great."

" Oh my god. I completely forgot about this...mess!" she exclaimed.

Apparently I had, too.

" It's fine."

" Your shirt is ruined. I'm really sorry, Edward."

She helped me pick up my papers and put them in a neat stack. I put everything back in my bag and she asked me for my number, so I wrote it down for her on a piece of paper. Laughing, she gave me a one armed hug and headed off, promising to make up for the coffee.

When I got to the house, Bella was actually home. I stripped my shirt off when I got in and put it in the laundry immediately before heading upstairs. When I got to the bedroom Bella was putting on a pair of straight leg dark wash jeans, with nothing but a bra on top.

" Edward, where's your shirt? And...Why do I smell coffee and perfume on you?"

For just one second I saw something weird cross her face.

" It's in the wash. I was heading out of the campus to my car when someone ran into me with a cup of coffee. And it was actually a good friend who was in my group therapy in high school, Makenna. We just talked for a few minutes and she hugged me before leaving."

" Good friend?" Bella asked.

" Yeah. That's all Bella. And she wanted to know if we could get coffee sometime and catch up."

I wanted to be honest with her about everything. It needed to be out in the open.

" Okay...She better not-"

" She has a fiancée, my love." I said, taking her in my arms and kissing her softly.

Bella smiled against my lips, " I trust you anyways."

" I know you do. Mm, I'd love to sit and kiss you forever but I should shower."

" Okay."

Instead of letting her go I kissed her once more, lingering slightly before letting her go. She smiled at me and winked.

" I'm watching you, Masen."

I slowly unzipped my jeans and tossed them at her, following my boxers.

" Feel free, sweetheart."

I took a really quick shower and brushed my teeth thoroughly. I came out into the bedroom wearing a towel and Bella was doing her makeup in a mirror hung on the wall. She had on a y-back tank top that was an olive color and clung to her skin. Her shoes were simple black flats with a tiny bow and she straightened her hair and pinned back her bangs with a little poof.

" You look beautiful." I murmured as I passed her, kissing her neck.

She smiled appreciatively at my towel and I grabbed a pair of boxers from my dresser. I slipped them on and put on a pair of low rise jeans and a v-neck t-shirt. It was simple attire. I put on my Nike's and attempted to tame my hair in the mirror. After another failed attempt with my hair I headed downstairs with Bella so that we could leave.

" Edward what if they hate me?"

I knew that Alice and Bella had talked a lot about everything that went on. Alice apologized for getting herself so involved and everything she said to Bella, and about Bella. I knew that Bella had been so hurt by everything Alice had said about how I shouldn't trust her, but I was sure now that everything was cool now.

As for Carlisle and Esme?

They have yet to even talk to Bella. I talked to Carlisle about everything. He knew because I had talked to him about it, but I had only told him and Dr. Greggs. I didn't want to be spreading it out to everyone, but I was sure Carlisle probably said a few things to Esme about what I told him. He was very understanding.

" They won't hate you, sunshine."

She sighed and twisted her fingers together.

When we pulled up to the house, Bella was almost gripping my hand painfully as we headed up the porch. I held her close to my body, securely and protectively. I used my house key to open the door and it was very quiet inside.

As we were heading to the kitchen we ran into Emmett. I hadn't known he was going to be here, but the more people I guess the less awkward it might be.

" Hey, Edward...Bella." he said Bella's name in a way that made me cringe.

" Emmett...Don't..."

" Don't what? Make her feel bad?"

Bella turned towards me and I could see her eyes getting glossy.

" Emmett...You don't know anything about that night."

" I don't?"

" No. You don't." I said firmly.

When we got into the kitchen Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme were there. Carlisle, seeing Bella's face, looked at Emmett and then at her before coming forward to give her a hug. I released her hand for a moment and watched their exchange.

" Don't be upset, dear. We'll all talk about it tonight, okay?"

She nodded wordlessly and I pulled her back into my arms. Rosalie was looking bitterly in our direction, which made me sigh. Bella gripped my hand and looked up at me.

Yeah, I knew there was no way I was leaving her alone with them tonight.

~\\~

Esme had put together a pasta salad with broccoli, chicken and mushrooms, with the pasta tossed with an Italian dressing coating all of it. Carlisle grilled up some hamburgers and cheese burgers, while Rosalie sliced up toppings like pickle, tomato and onion.

Bella helped me set up the table outside, and once we were completely alone she gave me a helpless look.

" I feel absolutely terrible."

" Don't."

" Esme, Rosalie and Emmett are making it a point to make me feel that way...I can't blame them, Edward. What I did was awful."

" Hey...You and I have moved on from it. They'll have to get over it."

I pulled her forward and kissed her, it was soft and sexy. A throat cleared behind us, and I knew it was Emmett. I ignored him for just a moment and then pulled away. Bella leaned into my side and everyone else came out with platters. Carlisle set the burgers in the middle; Rosalie set the tray of onions and other things on the side, and pasta salad on the other.

Bella seated next to me, with Emmett and Ross across from us, and Carlisle and Esme at the head of each side. Bella was close to Esme, looking very uncomfortable.

Rosalie was shooting Bella a glare as she got a scoop of pasta salad and Bella grabbed a hamburger bun. When she reached for a burger that was near Esme, the cold look she gave my Bella angered me right to the core and I looked at her.

" Can you both just stop it!" I exclaimed at Rosalie and Esme.

They both looked up, surprised, and Bella rested her hand on my knee.

" I'm fucking disturbed at the way you are staring at Bella."

" Edward..." Carlisle started.

" No. You know what, you both, including Alice, need to learn to stay out of it. You, too, Emmett."

" Don't speak to me like that!" Esme exclaimed.

" Then stop looking at her like that. Look, Bella and I had a fall out. Both of us equally as guilty for it happening, and now it's over. Do not be angry at her for her leaving, because that was something that had nothing to do with either of you."

" How can you forgive her for leaving?" Rosalie said.

" There was nothing to forgive, Rosalie. People get upset, they act rashly. I've had my fair share of that behavior. Bella and I worked it out, and that is the end of it. I don't need any of you to glare at her, or act the way you have been. I've had enough. Bella doesn't have to have this dinner with us, and if you want her to leave then you bet I'll be right by her side."

" That won't be necessary, Edward. But you are very right about everything. Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, we have no business acting rude to Bella. She is with Edward, and that makes her a part of this family. We do not treat family this way."

" I'm very sorry to all of you for how I hurt, Edward. I know that you all are very protective of him, but I hope you know that I'm the same way, too, and I love him more than anything. But you should all understand that this fight was Edward and mine's. It was something that we had to deal with."

Emmett looked over at Bella sadly, " I'm sorry, Bella."

" Oh, Carlisle was right! I never should have tried to make you feel awful, Bella dear. I feel terrible for doing that to someone who is like a daughter to me."

Rosalie gave a tight smile and nodded in Bella's direction.

" It's alright. Can we just move on? Edward and I have and I just want to get over it. We both do."

Without another word about it we dug into all of the food, talking and laughing like nothing had ever happened. Bella rested her left hand on my thigh and moved it up and down my leg in a comforting manner that made me grin at her.

We were moving on, and that was all I wanted.

~\\~

" Please don't leave."

" You think I want to?"

" I know, Edward..."

" I'll be back I promise."

" I just hate when you have to leave early in the morning after..."

I smiled and dipped down to kiss her lips softly. Her arms wrapped around me as she tried to manipulate me to lay down in bed with her. It worked once this morning, but I couldn't stay another five minutes this time. Then again, I never wanted to leave Bella. Especially when all thats on her is a bed sheet.

" I know, but I'll be back later." I murmured, pulling back to kiss her nose.

" I love you, green eyes."

" I love you, too, sunshine."

She leaned forward and kissed me once more before laying down, smiling wickedly at me.

I left the house with a smile on my face. Yeah, being happy was fucking nice.

With Dr. Greggs going great these days, my relationship, family, working and school, I haven't had a reason to really sit and be fucking upset over anything.

This morning I was going to be having breakfast with Emmett downtown and then both of us were heading off on our own ways. He randomly called me one morning and asked me if I wanted to go for today and I went with it.

Emmett and I have never really sat and talked or anything of the sort, and I was kind of of looking forward to it. I never have guy time. But Emmett and I never got close when we were younger, which at sometimes I kind of regretting not giving him the chance.

I stopped inside of the place and spotted Emmett immediately sitting at a table. I walked over and set my bag down before taking a seat.

" Hey, dude. What's up?" Emmett asked.

" Nothing much really. How about you? Everything going okay?"

He smiled, " Yeah, yeah. I just figured maybe you'd like to have breakfast. We never do shit like that. Aren't we brothers?"

Something about his words caught me for a moment, and I looked at him warily.

" Uh, yeah. I presume so...Is something going on?"

" I feel bad for never getting the chance to do stuff with you...I mean, when you first came to live with us I guess...Never mind."

" No, Emmett, tell me."

" I thought I was getting a brother, but we never did anything together."

I sighed, " Emmett, I'm very sorry for that...But I was in a bad place at the time and it was hard."

" Yeah, I totally get that."

" Look, I know I wasn't the brother that you wanted. I get that you probably wanted a brother who would play video games and hang out with you and your friends, and we could be like best friends or something. I wish I could have been like that, but I hope that you understand..."

" I know, Edward. Look, dude, we don't have to get all sentimental and shit. It's not why I asked you to come to breakfast."

" Is something else going on?'

" Hello Emmett...Edward.?"

I turned around and saw Jasper standing there. I looked back at Emmett.

" What?...Jasper, what are you doing here. Not that I...?"

" What the hell, Emmett? A nice 'friendly' breakfast. Are you trying to act like a chick and make Edward and I talk all of our issues out."

" Yeah, you can call it that. I'm tired of getting phone calls from Alice about you guys falling through constantly. And Edward, you might not want to admit it but we both know that you miss Jasper. I don't mean to make it sound like you guys are fucking chicks, but you get the point."

" Emmett. I can't do that when Jasper..." I looked at Jasper, " I can't fucking sit and talk when you won't tell me what the fuck happened that morning when you went off on Bella, and on Christmas Eve night. I can't do anything when you refuse to talk to me."

" Fine. I'll talk to you. I just don't want to hear a 'poor me' response to _everything._"

" When do I ever do that shit? When have I ever used my past or anything as a valid excuse for anything. Maybe when it comes to family shit, but not when it came to you Jasper. You were my best friend."

" Maybe here isn't the-" Emmett started.

Jasper scoffed " Really? You take everything for granted. You take your family for granted, and Bella especially. She deserves someone so much better for her."

" Whoa, dude. That's not cool." Emmett cut in. " You haven't been around the past few months. Edward has been doing well for himself, and he's my family. Don't talk to him like that."

" Oh, and there they go, defending and saving you." Jasper said.

" Yeah, that's what family does, Jasper. And you know what, I don't deserve Bella. I know that. But why in the hell would you go off on her like you did? You had no right to say that shit to her, do you realize how awful that made her feel?"

" I thought it would make her leave."

" That isn't you place to do that. And why the fuck would you do that to me. Was I not your friend anymore?"

" You are the one who kicked me out."

" After what you did I wasn't going to be living with you. And when I got out of the hospital there was more than just what happened going on. There were a few things going on."

" Really?"

I rolled my eyes at his tone, " Yeah, Jasper. I had my grandfather's house left to me while I was in the hospital. My mother left to go back to Chicago. And I had to be watched like a fucking hawk for the first month I was out of the hospital. Hell, I'm still constantly getting calls from everyone. And you know what, Jasper, I'm sorry that I have shit to deal with, and that I talk about it. I thought I could talk to you about shit since we were friends, but apparently you don't care."

" I do care. But you aren't the only one who has things going on, Edward!"

" I know that! I thought that if you needed a friend to talk to you would know I was here. Fuck yeah I'm busy a lot, but it's not like I won't sit and have a beer and just talk to you for god's sake. You know this shit."

" It sounds like you guys just need to call and end and fucking apologize and be friends. This sounds crazy." Emmett said with an eye roll.

" I am sorry. I'm sorry for anything that I did. But honestly, dude, you need to apologize to Bella."

Jasper sighed. " I'm tired of dealing with this...I'll apologize to Bella because I know she didn't deserve my anger or anything I said to her. And, Edward, I am sorry for the way I have acted towards you. I guess I just don't understand you sometimes. But my actions were not the best. I had no place to say what I did to Bella, and what I've said to you."

" I've been trying my hardest to change for the better. I really don't want to be wasting my time being fucking pissed at you, so I'm over it. Nothing left to say about it."

Afterwards we ate breakfast. It wasn't awkward.

We were guys. We didn't sit and talk about feelings, cry, and then hug each other and move on. It was over, done with, and I was glad that it wasn't a big of a deal as I thought it was going to be.

Things were falling into place.

**Authors Note- Okay, so apparently this chapter was two surprises.**

**Well, Deep Into The Darkness will be coming to a close soon. Maybe one more chapter and an epilogue? I know, you guys are probably like, what? No forewarning, that's a bitch move! But I actually was just thinking about it last night, and I was like...I have NOTHING left to do...I mean, story told, man. But I'm glad you guys like my story, and my NEW STORY will be up really super soon. I have 10...11! Chapters done already, and I have been doing the final editing on the first few. Sooo yeah...I never give myself a break...MAJOR LOVE!**

**So give me some major love back, because I love you guys...A lot. Alright, I'll stop drinkin that tequila. No promises.**

**Review!**


	42. Falling Into Place

**Authors Note- I know this is late! Read end notes at the end of the chapter for details.**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns everything Twilight.**

~\\~

July 23rd

EPOV

~\\~

" Edward," she gasps, " You did all of this just for me?"

I stepped forward, watching her slowly as I did. She was illuminated by the hundreds of candles surrounding her. The rose petals on the floor brought their scent to the entire house. Bella turned around, seeing the candles lit between the bars on the railing for the stairs, and a line of rose petals going up them.

" Of course I did." I murmured softly, taking her in my arms.

" You are incredible."

" I really wanted us to take a trip somewhere, but I could only get next week off. I still wanted to do something special for you though. You deserve it more than anything."

" This is enough, Edward. I don't even need all this."

" You do."

I kissed the side of her neck and pulled away, trailing her to the dining room. I even went all out and spent the entire evening cooking for her. After all, she cooks so damn much for me that I could do something for her.

Since Bella has some kind of inhuman obsession with mushrooms, I had actually made homemade mushroom ravioli with mozzarella cheese. I even made the pasta myself. I borrowed Esme's fancy pasta making machine to have the pasta thinned out. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing at first, but I figured it out with time. I was no pasta making master, but it worked out.

Over it was a white sauce with just a little bit of parmesan sprinkled on top, with fresh basil as a garnish. It looked really good if I did say so myself.

" Mushroom ravioli sound good?"

She looked at me with only love in her eyes, " It sounds perfect..."

Before I could pull the chair out for her she was in my arms, her lips on mine. I returned her kiss with just as much fervor as she delivered, and I didn't want to let go but I had to unless I wanted the food to get cold.

" Let's save that for later. Shall we?"

" Mm, if you insist. This smells divine, Edward."

She sat down in the seat I pulled out and I sat down across from her. There were candles scattered about the table, and a large bouquet of roses in the middle with petals decorated around it.

I grabbed the champagne from the bowl of ice it sat in and poured it into two flutes. Bella leaned forward and took one of them, taking an eager sip. I smiled around the rim of mine and took a sip before setting it down.

Bella speared a ravioli into her mouth and chewed slowly. For a moment she paused, and then she looked over at me with a grin of her own.

" That is fucking delicious."

" Yeah?"

" Oh, yeah."

Bella enjoyed dinner fully, basically moaning entirely through the meal and bouncing in her seat. Once I had finished with dinner we sat at the table for awhile with the champagne just to let the food settle for a bit. I had dessert in the fridge, something else I made myself, and was looking forward to have Bella taste it.

Since we were going all out Italian tonight, I had made some tiramisu. I found a recipe online, and it looked really delicious. I had tasted it when it was finished and it tasted just as good as it looked. I really hoped that Bella would like it. It wasn't really hard to make at all, and didn't take too much time luckily.

The past few weeks had slowed down since I've not been having any classes, but still busy working at the hospital. Bella and I have definitely had more time together, which is doing well for both of us.

Therapy has been going great so far. Opening up to Dr. Greggs about my past honestly helped more than I ever thought it would. It was helping me come to terms with everything, and I was starting to feel really good about myself. Which was a big fucking change from how I normally felt. When I was younger and Carlisle and Esme approached the topic of therapy, I immediately shot it down; thinking that it would do absolutely no good. And I had no desire to talk to some stranger about my life.

Thinking back on it; I regret not going. It would have helped me a lot in the long run, but at least I fucking got the chance now rather than later in life. Many other people didn't get this chance to start fresh. I was lucky. It's still an everyday struggle to keep myself in check, but I wasn't struggling with day to day life anymore. I was able to think more clearly.

Bella had seen this change, and honestly, my getting help improved our relationship tenfold. I felt like I could finally give her all of me and trust in her with everything. I felt like I was actually _worthy _to have someone like Bella in my life.

Before the summer started, both Emmett and Alice had graduated. Emmett had graduated Law School and he has already gotten accepted to work in a firm in the city. Him and Rosalie have finally settled down and started planning their wedding that will be next summer.

Alice graduated design school and had moved back to Seattle and currently is living with Jasper in the city. This just happened recently and now Alice has been looking for a job, which seems to be a success for her so far. She and Jasper have been doing better since Jasper and I basically made up. It was over and done with now.

Our friendship wasn't exactly the same. But I wasn't going to sit and be fucking upset about it. It wasn't my wrong doing. I knew that, but I would forgive.

I honestly was proud of Emmett and Alice, and I knew Carlisle and Esme were immensely proud of both of them.

Jasper had apologized to Bella about a week after I'd talked to him at the restaurant. I think Bella was surprised that he was even apologizing. After a long explanation, Bella had openly admitted that she forgave him, but still was upset that he had treated her that way to try and break us up. I will never understand why he would do that, but it was in the past.

My Birthday had come and go like any other, but there was, of course, a celebration at the Cullen's house. I was broken out of my reverie when I heard Bella's quiet, sweet voice.

" This dinner was amazing, Edward. Thank you so much."

" And it's not over yet. Dessert?"

" Seriously?"

I stood up and kissed her temple before heading to the kitchen. I grabbed the tiramisu from the kitchen fridge and went back to the dining room with plates, forks, a knife and a small spatula. When Bella saw it her eyes brightened even more and she smiled.

" Tiramisu?"

" Yes. I made it myself."

" Edward you are...I can't believe you went through all this trouble for me."

" It was no trouble."

I cut Bella a piece of the tiramisu and placed it delicately on the plate. Bella immediately took a big bite of it and moaned lowly, staring down at her plate before looking up at me.

" Wow."

I smiled, " Is it good?"

" It tastes amazing. I can't believe you made this yourself!"

" You better believe it."

Bella got more on her fork and put it to my lips. I opened my mouth and tasted it, sliding my mouth back. She got herself another bite and I chewed and swallowed, savoring the taste. It was really good, and the cocoa powder on top really was the perfect finishing touch for the tiramisu. We shared the rest of the piece together and took the champagne to the living room after blowing out the candles in the dining room and foyer.

" Are we planning on getting drunk?" Bella asked, kissing my jaw and moving her lips down my neck.

" Mhm." I hummed, running my hand down her back.

" I love you."

" I love you, too."

I wrapped wound my fingers in the hair at the nape of her neck. I pulled her lips to mine and kissed her soundly, leaning into her as I did. She sighed against my lips and pulled me down on top of her.

My lips moved over hers, covering them repeatedly in an intimate dance. I tangled my tongue with hers, tasting the chocolate and vanilla flavor of the tiramisu. I groaned deeply into her mouth and ran a free hand down the side of her body, gripping her waist gently. She arched her body up to meet mine and broke our kiss, moving her lips down to my neck. I let my head fall back as she continued her assault.

" Upstairs."

Without another word I swept her easily into my arms and carried us upstairs.

It was just her and I right now.

That was the only thing that mattered.

~\\~

She slowly rested her head on the pillow, her face near the crook of my neck and her body pressed against mine. Her breathing mellowed out shortly afterwards and she sat up next to me, looking down at me with her chin pressed into her knee.

Suddenly a loud crack sounded outside, and I knew it was lightning. Bella looked around for a moment before settling her eyes once again on mine. I moved my hand to her leg and ran it up and down her calf, feeling her smooth, silky skin under my touch.

" What are you staring at?" I asked her quietly.

" You."

I ran my fingers through my hair and smiled at her. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her down next to me, making her laugh quietly. She curled into me with a contented sigh and I moved the blanket to cover both of us.

Another crack of lightning sounded, it was loud, and suddenly Bella jumped.

" You okay?"

" It just took me by surprise. I'm fine."

I kissed her softly and with another loud bang in the sky, all of a sudden the power went out. I groaned as we were immerged in darkness. The only thing that was making us able to see were the few candles lit in the bedroom. Bella gripped tightly onto me and didn't let me go for anything.

" I've got to go check the sump pump, babe." I said, kissing a part of her face that I believed was either her jaw or forehead.

" Please don't leave."

" I don't want the basement to flood. Come with me."

I found my boxers somewhere and Bella just wrapped the sheet around her tightly and padded barefoot with me downstairs. We rifled for a flashlight before heading into the basement. She gripped my hand so hard I wouldn't be surprised if it was breaking or fracturing bones.

Then out of nowhere, Bella tripped and fell into me. I caught her in my arms and laughed as I set her straight. Once we got to the back of the basement, I opened the door that led to the sump pump; it was basically in a very small room, just big enough for it. Everything looked to be running alright; no water was rising, so it was safe.

Last thing we fucking needed was a flood basement. Nothing says happy anniversary like that would.

Once we got back upstairs, Bella tripping over the sheet the entire way, I started heading back up, but not before whipping the sheet off Bella and putting the flashlight directly on her. She screamed at me and ran upstairs quickly. I was just as fast afterwards and I pushed her onto the bed, encasing her in my arms.

" You're terrible, Edward."

" Don't be embarrassed." I laughed, kissing her blushing cheek. " It's nothing I haven't seen before, sunshine."

" That's totally different!"

" How?"

" Because it is!"

" Fine. But I won't apologize. I prefer you in no clothes, or sheets."

All of the candles were still aglow in the room, and the rose petals lay on the floor, but not as nicely as I placed them because of our fooling around and stumbling. I looked over at Bella and she was watching me, holding the bed comforter to her.

I leaned forward to kiss her and coaxed her hands off of the comforter and pushed it away, pulling her entire body flush to mine. She moaned quietly and threaded her fingers through my hair.

" See, this is different."

I hummed against her mouth and rested my hand on her back, touching and feeling her soft skin.

Eventually Bella tired out and was slowly drifting off to sleep in the same position we'd been laying and kissing together. I wrapped the comforter around her to keep her warm and held her tightly. A quiet sigh escaped her and she lazily moved her hand across my bare back.

" I love you, Edward."

" Mm, I love you, too, my Bella."

We lay quietly in bed; her hand moving up and down my back, and my lips moving to kiss any skin on her neck.

Bella passed out at around midnight, fast asleep and content. I fell asleep soon afterwards, knowing that this couldn't get any better.

~\\~

" This is so uncomfortable."

" You'll get used to it."

" Edward, fuck, this isn't working."

" Just stop moving around so much."

" I'm not. You keep angling your hips around!"

" We can make this work, Bella. Just mo-"

" Oh, yeah. That's so much better."

" Fuck yeah."

" Edward! God dammit! You elbowed me again!"

" Do you want me to just move to the floor?"

Bella sighed, exasperated by the entire situation.

It's been over a week since our anniversary, and Bella and I were now heading back to Seattle after a short vacation in Santa Monica at the beach house. We'd had it all to ourselves for five days and now we were heading back home.

Bella was completely irritated by this. She did not want to leave at all, which was understandable. We both had needed a break, and Bella enjoyed basically every minute in the sun that she could possibly get. Her skin was glowing and tan, and mine was somewhat matching, but nothing compared to her.

She looked more refreshed though, less tired and groggy. I was glad that she enjoyed her time in California, and we would go back soon. I would make sure of it.

And since we were on our way back, we were close to the Oregon and Washington border to stop for the night and continue tomorrow. We were in a hotel room, stuck in a smaller-than-twin-sized bed together, exhausted as hell, and completely irritated with each other.

I started to get up but she grabbed my wrist, " Don't go. Just...Lay down on your back."

I complied and she moved to lie on my chest, sighing deeply as she did.

" Not one of our finer moments."

" Definitely not."

~\\~

November 26th

Thanksgiving Day

EPOV

~\\~

" Rosalie, Alice! I refuse to divulge those kinds of...private matters."

" Oh, come on, Bella! Who was the first girl you called when you and James went third base for the first time! And he's a psycho! But you won't even tell me about your sex life now that you have one! Come on!"

" What do you want to know?"

" Well, how good is he?" Rosalie exclaimed in a hushed voice.

Bella blushed, " He's...Amazing. I honestly couldn't ever imagine that it could be better."

" It's that good?"

" Oh, yeah."

" How many hours can you guys...?"

" Oh my god, Rose! You are so..."

" Just answer the question!" Alice said.

Why the fuck would she want to know?

" I don't know...One time it was like from around seven in the evening to like four in the morning. But it's not like we are constantly going at it, we stop for a few minutes!"

" Nine hours? Oh my god, if I ever made Emmett do that he would die after like five!"

" Who would have known that Edward would have more stamina than any of our guys...Well, he was in track in high school, that probably helped."

" How about lengt-"

" Hello, ladies." I smoothly interrupted.

Bella's head snapped up and she smiled at me wickedly, " Hey, you."

" What are you talking about?" I asked, sliding my arm around her waist as I sat next to her.

" Nothing." Rosalie and Alice said at the same time.

" Well, excuse us but we are going to get more wine. Want some Bella?"

" No thanks."

They left the room and Bella and I were left alone. I leaned into her and kissed her cheek softly.

" Nine hours, hm? I didn't know you counted."

Bella's face looked suddenly mortified, and she put her face in her hands, groaning into them. I pulled her hands away and held her to my side.

" I can't believe you heard that. They just wouldn't stop asking questions and I complied to shut them up."

" It's okay. You can have your girl talk."

She stood up steadily on her heels and pulled at my hands. I stood up next to her and wrapped my arms around her slim waist.

" You should wear dresses more often."

" Oh, yeah?"

" He's so right. Who's that dress made by? And I love those Christian Louboutin's!" Rosalie said.

" Dolce and Gabbana actually, and thank you."

Her dress was black and went down to her knee's, it had about one inch straps that were thin and got thicker over her shoulder, and there was a band around her waist that showed off her slim figure. It was covered in a tulle-like fabric, and just had a pretty design that looked beautiful on her all over the dress. Her shoes were gold and covered in glitter. They were pumps that had at least a four inch heel, making her legs look long.

Bella's hair, now longer, was in long, thick curls down her back. Her makeup was simple, and she had on gold jewelry. Most of it all had come from me and my spoiling her.

She constantly scolded me on my random gifts that I spoil her with, but I know she appreciates it. I loved to spoil her though; it makes me feel good to be able to do all of that for her.

Today she had put on a heart shaped gold necklace pendant and matching earrings, with three thin gold bangles with diamonds imbedded into them on her wrist. She looked absolutely radiant, and I enjoyed seeing her looking so happy and carefree.

I pulled her to my side and she smiled, resting her hand on my chest.

" You guys are such a beautiful couple." Esme sighed.

Bella blushed, " Oh, I bet there are plenty more beautiful girls out there for Edward."

" I highly doubt it, dear."

I leaned down and chastely kissed Bella, who rested her hand on my cheek and pulled away.

" Nobody is more beautiful than you, my love."

" In front of your family, hm?"

I smiled at her and led her to the kitchen, pouring her a glass of wine and myself. She grabbed the glace and took a sip of it.

" Good wine." She noted

I tasted it myself and nodded in agreement.

The last few months have been going absolutely fantastic with Bella, and it was only getting better as time went by. We became emotionally close an incredible amount, and I was sure that this wouldn't ever change. In the beginning of the year I probably couldn't say that, but now I honestly could and it felt great.

I was still going to therapy, which was actually now only a once a month thing, but I wasn't planning on stopping soon. Seeing Dr. Greggs and talking to her really was doing good for me and I didn't want to stop now while things were going great.

Bella's work has been doing fantastic, and she's been enjoying every moment of what she's been doing. I enjoy seeing her do something she loves so much.

School and the hospital have been doing very good for me. It was keeping me very busy, but I was always making time for Bella, my family and friends. Juggling all of it was a struggle, with absolutely no doubt about it, but it was working out for me somehow and I was making it work.

Emmett and I were now routinely having breakfast every Thursday, and sometimes Jasper would come along if he was free. I also have been having coffee with Makenna if we aren't busy between classes. Bella had met her also and her husband, and Bella and Makenna were becoming fast friends.

Over the past few months Alice had gotten a job working downtown Seattle at a fashion industry and was enjoying every single last minute of it. She and Jasper have been doing great, as have Jasper and I when it comes to our friendship. Emmett, Jasper and I every few times go out for a beer and chill.

Birthdays had come and gone. And Carlisle's was only in four short days now, and Esme's followed soon after his, they would be turning forty seven. Of course there was a party planned; it's basically tradition no matter what.

" Do you have a cigarette?" Bella asked quietly.

" I do. Would you like to go have one?"

" Yes, please."

Bella and I went out on the front porch, and I placed her on my lap with my arms wrapped around her waist to keep her warm. We shared a cigarette together, and I could feel Bella's tension rolling off of her.

" Everything okay with you, babe?"

" Yeah. I'm just tired. Don't worry."

" Why are you tired?"

" All those late nights waiting up for you to get home, and the fun that follows. You tire me out, Masen."

I smirked, " Good. I like it that way...But, really, I don't want you waiting up and not getting enough sleep. And if I try to seduce you just ignore me."

" I can't ignore you. You're way, too...Tempting."

" Is something else going on?"

" No. Work has just been a little hectic though."

I kissed her softly and ran my fingers through her hair.

" It'll get better."

" I don't know what I'm complaining about. Look at you!"

" That's not true. I know work gets busy for you, babe."

She nodded and leaned into me. I put out the cigarette and put it back in the pack to throw out later. I sighed deeply and Bella looked at me, giving me a small smile.

" I love you."

" I love you, too."

" God...I don't know what I would do without you." she whispered.

" You won't ever have to know."

Soon we headed back into the house, and only an hour later we were around the big kitchen table enjoying Thanksgiving dinner together. Bella's father had joined us this Thanksgiving, and I was sure many to follow.

Emmett and Rosalie sat next to each other, discussing any and every single detail of their wedding that was going to be coming up the next months to come. Carlisle and Esme listened to them, beaming at how proud they were of their son and future daughter-in-law. Alice and Jasper soaked up each and every word, but Jasper mostly looked at Alice with love in his eyes.

I watched my Bella as she smiled and laughed with my family, fitting right in with them like it was always meant to be.

And I glanced over at Charlie, knowing soon that I would be asking his permission regarding something very important.

**Authors Note- I know this chapter is a bit short, but next chapter is the last. It's the Epilogue. I just wanted everyone to get some insight of relationships, future plans and everything else inbetween.**

**I'll save all the cheesy, I love you guys for sticking with me, stuff for next time!**

**Now, I know a few of you are probably upset this was late, but I had posted on my twitter that it would be, follow me!, and here it is; I recently had yet another death occur in my family, as many of you know I lost my uncle at the end of April a short while ago, and just last Sunday I lost my grandfather. It was a crazy week, and I really was not in the writing set of mind, thank you all for understanding! I appreciate it so much.**

**Review!**


	43. Epilogue

**Authors Note- I won't cry if you don't!**

**Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

I rubbed my sweaty palms against the fabric of my jeans, my leg bouncing nervously and my free hand tugging at my hair. I bit my lip and realized that I probably looked like Bella right now. This was all she would do when she got nervous. I couldn't help myself though. This was probably one of the most nerve wracking moments in my life, but I knew this was something I couldn't put off any longer.

I grabbed the glass of water in front of me and took a sip, avoiding the look of curiosity from the person sitting just across from me. I was sure the look I was getting was also a wondering of if I was crazy right now. I sighed and tapped the table top.

Just do it.

_What if it's a no?_

Stop arguing and do it.

_But-_

Do it.

" Edward, what is this about? You look like you are going to be sick." Charlie said, interrupting me from my internal argument with myself.

" I need to ask you something."

He raised one eyebrow and leaned back in his seat, watching me intently.

Maybe he already knew what I wanted to ask, if he did, he didn't show any sign of being angry, or even approval. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to ask him now, he didn't say anything. He just stared at me, eye brow raised and a slight smile on his face. It was slightly condescending in a way. I could also sense smugness, probably considering that it appeared that I was intimidated by him; and he probably liked that.

" Are you going to ask, or are we just going to sit here wasting time?"

I nodded and set my glass down; afraid I was going to break it with how hard I was gripping it with my hands. And then I said the words I'd been waiting to say to him for awhile now.

" I want to ask Bella to marry me, and I would like your blessing before I do ask her."

His expressing changed. But he honestly didn't look surprised at all. And while he was keeping his calm mask on, I knew I looked like a mess right now.

Charlie and I have always gotten along well, and I was sure that he didn't have a problem with me. I hoped that he would give me his blessing, but even if he didn't I was going to ask Bella anyways. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. His approval would just make me feel more assured that this was right, and that he approved of me.

I knew that I wasn't exactly the ideal person Charlie might want for Bella, but he knew that I loved her and made her happy. I was hoping that it would be enough for him to give me his blessing.

Since last summer Bella and I have consistently been doing great in our relationship. We fight and have disagreements like a normal couple, but ever since we promised to work on us more, it definitely has been better than it was before. At this point, I didn't want anything more than to marry her. I knew that she was the one for me, and I didn't want to wait anymore. I wanted to tie myself to her in every way humanly possible.

" You want to marry my daughter?"

" Yes, I do. Very much so. I love her more than words could ever express."

" Over the past year or so I've never seen my little girl as happy as she has been with you…After that James fiasco she was shaken, but I am glad that she found herself someone to make her happy. And I am happy for both of you. I give you my blessing, Edward, but don't you dare ever hurt my daughter. I am trusting you with her."

_I told you so._

Shut up.

~\\~

BPOV

~\\~

" Make a good wish." I whispered in his ear, resting my chin on his shoulder momentarily.

Edward blew out all twenty seven candles. Twenty six representing his age, and a single one was for good luck. He leaned back in his seat as we all clapped for him. I kissed his cheek and smiled brightly at him.

It's been well over a year since Edward had attempted killing himself, and since then, I was amazed at how drastically things changed since that time. How drastically _Edward _has changed since then. It honestly astounded me at times.

The first few months since it had happened were quite frankly the hardest part of our relationship, and since all of that happened, both of us have changed in our relationship for the better. It was a very rough time for me and Edward especially, which I think in many ways made us stronger not only as individuals, but as a couple. Leaving him that night was the biggest mistake I've made in my life, but in a way it showed me how I couldn't ever be without him. If anything, it made both of us realize how dependent we are on each other, and the love that we have isn't something fake and unrealistic.

Since that day after we worked everything out, Edward and I have really not had any big quarrels since then. We fight, like normal couples do, but at the end of the day, we love each other just as much as we always have, if not more.

When Edward started seeing Dr. Greggs, it showed a huge improvement with him. He smiled and laughed more, and seeing that side of him brought out the happiness and joy in me, as cheesy as it sounds. He was still planning on continuing therapy, and I supported his reason. Everything was going great now, and he didn't want to stop so soon just because they were. He had said that in a few months he would probably schedule appointments further apart and do it gradually before stopping cold turkey

Edward hasn't attempted to call his mother, and we've only discussed it a few times. But he said that he would call her when he is ready, and what happens there, happens. I didn't push the subject because I knew not to do that anymore.

In just a few short weeks, on July 21st, Rosalie and Emmett were going to be getting married. And these days I noticed that Emmett and Edward have been spending more time together. I knew that often Rosalie told me that Emmett felt awkward when it came to Edward, considering his situation and how skittish Edward used to be around him. Now they seemed to be getting along, not that they never did, but they were going out for breakfast and working out at the gym together.

When it came to Jasper, I knew that things wouldn't ever be the exact same. The day he apologized to me, I was completely shocked. When Jasper had yelled at me as he had that day, I did not have any clue as to why he had lashed out so badly. Even when I found out about his grandfathers passing, it still didn't click with me. The moment he said that he'd done it on purpose to break Edward and I up, the world stopped.

It wasn't his place to judge whether Edward was good enough to be with me. It angered me that he would do that to me; that he would do that to Edward; his friend. They seemingly get along now, but it still wouldn't be the same.

With Rosalie and Emmett's wedding coming up, it made me think a lot. I knew that Edward and I have almost been together for two years. But I was sure that both of us knew that we were the one for each other. We haven't talked about taking that step, but I was getting a feeling inside of me that was itching to hear that question. Both Edward and I were in a serious relationship, and I did want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I blamed it on the fact that it was Rosalie and Emmett getting married, and I was just thinking too much about weddings lately.

" Are you okay, baby?"

I looked at Edward, " Yeah. Perfect. What'd you wish for?"

" I've already have everything I need right here." He murmured, pulling me into his lap to kiss me.

" Ew! Gross, you guys! Save that for later."

" Oh, Alice, it's sweet! Let them be."

I pressed my forehead against Edward's and ran my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

" Want some cake?" I asked him

" I want you. At home. Wearing nothing." He said slowly and quietly, only loud enough for me to hear.

I giggled and moved in his lap to face the cake. Carlisle handed me the knife and I looked down at the red velvet cake. It had a frosting that was like a white cream cheese frosting, with colorful sprinkles decorating the bottom, and there were also five Kit-Kats, dipped in white chocolate and rolled in sprinkles over the chocolate going long ways in a neat design. In the middle in black icing said ' Happy 26th Birthday Edward'.

" You get the first piece." I told him, cutting out a piece with the first letter of his name. It was big print. I put the piece on a plate for him, and cut everybody else a piece, and mine last.

After eating our cake, Carlisle and Esme went to turn in. Carlisle gave Edward a hug, as did Esme, and left us. Right after Alice skipped outside and brought inside the Heineken case. Edward nodded in approval and immediately cracked one open and took a long, deep pull. I grabbed one from Alice and did the same. I couldn't remember the last time I sat and had a cold beer.

" Do you guys remember the summer that Edward and Bella met? God, that was just…You both were so completely in love with each other but didn't dare say a word."

" Hey, we figured it out."

" Yeah! When Edward mauled you against a tree!" Alice exclaimed.

Everybody sat back in their seats and laughed. Edward kissed my cheek and rested his chin on my shoulder.

" Oh, and the time Bella crashed into that tree and Edward had to carry her back!"

Edward laughed quietly against me and I smacked his leg. " Not funny. At all."

" It was funny as hell."

" Yeah, and then we cuddled in bed afterwards." I said seductively, shifting in his lap.

" Hey, hey now! Don't be getting Edward all worked up. Save that for the bedroom, kids."

" Oh, and the day Bella left for New York…Edward walked around like a puppy who just got his favorite toy taken away from him."

Edward scowled and I turned my head to look at him, " I came back."

We spent the rest of the night, talking about memories of all of us. There were so many hilarious stories coming from Emmett's mouth. It was honestly a great time talking to all of my friends, and the one that I love. There wasn't a care in the world right now. It was just all of us, together, and enjoying our time together while we had it.

~\\~

EPOV

Rosalie and Emmett's Wedding

July 21st

~\\~

" I just want it to be perfect, you know? She deserves that in the least. I just want her to remember it."

" Trust me, dude. She will remember. Rosalie remembers the exact minute I asked her to marry me. Girls do that shit all the time."

I rolled my eyes and adjusted my tie, " I guess."

" You should just blurt it out right in the middle of sex."

" Oh, yeah, that's so romantic. Oh! Fuck, Bella, will you marry me? Uhhh."

Emmett laughed loudly, as did Jasper at my little attempt of playing that out. I sat down at the end of the hotel bed and shook my head at both of them. Leave it to Emmett to suggest me ask Bella during sex.

" Oh, yes, Eddie! Now fu-"

" Enough, children!" Carlisle said, walking into the hotel room already dressed in his suit.

" Tell your son to get better ideas."

" Better ideas about what?"

I sighed, " I, uh... I asked Charlie for his blessing about me asking Bella to marry me. I just haven't found the perfect way to ask her."

" And I said just do it during sex."

Carlisle scoffed at Emmett, " Son, that just isn't right. I'm sure Edward would want it to be more sentimental then that."

" What's more sentimental than doing it then! She's more likely to say yes, and she'll probably just yell it out."

" Okay, okay. That's all enough."

Carlisle walked up to Emmett and straightened his bow tie before resting his hands on his shoulders, giving him a small speech about how proud he was of him. Jasper and I didn't feel the need to listen in on that.

Both Jasper and I were groomsmen, and Carlisle was Emmett's best man. Bella, and Rosalie's great friend's Kate from college were the bridesmaids, and Alice was maid of honor in the wedding. I had only gotten just a short glimpse of Bella's bridesmaid dress, but since it was summer I knew it was shorter, and also a very deep purple color. Most of the colors for the wedding were white, silver and dark purple, but there were small black accents. All of it tied together nicely, and luckily, I wasn't the one forced to wear a purple tie, Carlisle was wearing it to match mostly with Alice. I saw Alice earlier and she had on a strapless white dress with a purple bow around her waist that matched the tie perfectly, and the bridesmaid dresses it seemed from what I saw.

The ceremony is taking place at a Church downtown, and then the reception is being held at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel, which is where we are right now to get read. Emmett and Rose were definitely not doing anything half assed, and I was glad that everything with the wedding worked out like they wanted it to.

It was soon that time rolled around, and I went to pick Bella up at the girl's room to head to the church. Jasper followed after me. We already had rooms at the Ritz- Carlton, the wedding was starting at four, and the reception could go on for awhile, so we decided to do it just so we wouldn't have to drive home too late. I was actually going to be spending an extended time here with Bella, part of an anniversary gift. We were going to be here until Sunday, and I'd gotten us a room on the top floor. There were only three rooms and I was able to book that one by pulling a few strings. I'd already checked the room, and it was perfect. It had a long hallway foyer, all dark wood flooring until the bedroom came into sights.

The kitchen was off to the right and probably just a little bit bigger than the one we have in our actual house. Granite counter tops, dark wood cabinets, all stainless steel appliances and blenders and food processors in there. The living room had a large leather couch, and two separate ottomans with a fifty inch flat screen and a bar was also off towards the left and a small bathroom. It was like an apartment basically.

The bedroom was just off the kitchen, and it was pretty open. The bed was even bigger than a king size bed, it was fucking huge and comfortable as hell. The sheets were all clean, white and plush, and I was sure the bathroom was going to kill Bella. The bathtub was big enough to fit eight people, and the shower could probably fit ten. I was excited to be able to spoil her, and I hoped that this weekend I could find that perfect moment.

When we got to the room, I knocked quietly on the door and Alice immediately answered it, squealed, and jumped into Jasper's arms. I laughed quietly and stepped into the room. Esme was here, as was Rosalie's mother, Carmen, and Bella was standing next to Rosalie, who was wearing a beautiful wedding dress. She looked like a princess, which I knew that was Rosalie was going for. It was basically all tulle on the bottom, but Rosalie looked beautiful. Even a guy who isn't straight could say that.

Upon seeing me, Rosalie smiled brightly.

" Is he nervous?" she asked.

" Not one bit. You have nothing to worry about. You look beautiful."

She wrapped her arms around me in a hug, " If it weren't for you I probably wouldn't have met him."

" Thank god for group therapy." I said, joking and laughing quietly with her before pulling away.

And then I looked at Bella, and I froze. Alice behind me laughed loudly and whispered something to Jasper.

Bella looked absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous. Her dress was strapless and in that dark purple color. It clung perfectly to her chest and flowed out beneath her bust into some kind of silky looking fabric that was just above her knees. Her shoes were silver/grey and were open slightly in front with a fucking tall heel, and a strap around her ankle. Long, beautiful chocolate waves were unfortunately put in a pretty twist, with a few falling tendrils in front of her face. Even though I loved seeing her hair down, she still looked beautiful. Her makeup was done perfectly, her fair skin had a bit of color to it, and her eyes were slightly more dark and smoky.

She was looking almost nervously at me but I walked forward and took her in my arms.

" You look absolutely gorgeous." I whispered in her ear.

" I can say the same about you, Mr. Masen." She murmured, looking down at my perfectly tailored suit and tie.

" We should go before I sneak upstairs to our room together and ravish you." I whispered in her ear.

She laughed and pulled away from me, but not before kissing my jaw.

We said goodbye to Rosalie and that we'd see her very soon, and headed downstairs to the elevator, Alice and Jasper were staying for a few minutes longer so we were alone in the elevator, on the twentieth floor.

I pressed Bella against the mirrored wall of the elevator and she looked into my eyes, hers filled with as much lust as mine were. I pressed my lips softly, at first, to hers and kissed her deeply, sensually. Her tiny moan filled the elevator and she pushed me back into the opposite wall. I pressed my hands into her back and tasted her lip gloss, it tasted like strawberries. I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth and felt her push her hands into my jacket and let her hands roam my back.

" You taste delicious." I moaned, releasing her bottom lip.

" It's a good thing I brought the tube."

I smiled and kissed her once more, letting my tongue mingle with hers for a long moment before pulling away. She leaned into me and smiled wickedly before grabbing her small clutch and taking out the tube of lip gloss. She applied more to her soft lips and put it back in.

" I'm just going to kiss it off."

" That's why I put more on." She explained, wrapping her arms around my waist.

Wrapping my arms around her also, I held her closely with my chin on top of her head. She leaned into my embrace and closed her eyes. I couldn't believe that I'd found someone so perfect for me, who was beautiful, brilliant and absolutely amazing all around.

Once the elevator doors opened Bella and I walked hand in hand towards the doors to head out. I opened up the car door for her and got in myself, heading towards the church. It was very close to the Ritz-Carlton hotel, and Bella and I were there within ten minutes. Rosalie's father was already there, seating guests and making sure everything was set up right.

" Hello, Mr. Hale. I'm Edward Masen, we've met before."

Rosalie looked a lot like her father. Marcus Hale had golden blonde hair gelled back elegantly, a slim built and he was probably about six foot three, a light skin tan, and blue eyes just like Rosalie. They looked very much alike, and Mr. Hale was always very nice.

" Ah, Edward! It seems like it's been forever since I've seen you. How've you been? I've spoken with Carlisle, he said he's so proud to see you succeeding greatly in Medical School!"

I smiled warmly, " Yes, everything has been going well for me. I hope the same for you?"

" Very much so. I can't believe I'm standing here for my only child's wedding. Emmett has treated her so well, I couldn't ask for anybody better for my Rosalie. Is this beautiful lady beside you, yours?"

" In fact she is. Bella, this is Rosalie's father Eleazar Hale, and Eleazar this is my girlfriend, Bella Swan."

" Bella, it is very nice to meet you." He greeted, shaking her hand.

She smiled at him, " You, too."

" You picked a beauty, Edward."

" I sure did." I replied, kissing Bella's forehead.

" Well, I'd best continue my job here. I'll see both of you later of course. It was very great seeing you Edward, and nice meeting you also Bella."

~\\~

The entire ceremony went off without a hitch. Everything went perfectly as planned with no issues. Carlisle and Alice walked down the aisle together as best man and maid of honor. Then Bella and I went after them, and Kate and Jasper followed afterwards.

Rosalie looked beautiful coming down the aisle, and her father walked her down. Emmett's eyes were on her the entire time, and I could see how much he loved her by that look in his eyes. I felt the exact same about Bella, and it was something unexplainable to be honest.

Their vows were exchanged, and promises sealed with a final kiss. Everybody clapped with congratulations to them as they turned to face everybody. Carlisle, Esme, Eleazar and Carmen immediately headed towards their new son-in-law/new daughter-in-law, giving them hugs before everybody was shuffled back out. Bella and I linked arms after Jasper and Kate and walked steadily.

Afterwards we all headed towards the Ritz-Carlton, where the reception was being held in one of the beautiful ballrooms. Once Bella and I were in the car once more, she turned to me and smiled.

" Think that's going to be us one day?" Bella asked me.

" It will be."

I leaned over the center console and gave her a long, sweet kiss on the lips. She then set her small bouquet down in the backseat and leaned back in her seat. Once back at the hotel I had run upstairs to our room to put phones away and then locked it up and headed back down to Bella.

Rosalie and Emmett were already there, and just as I walked in they were sharing their first dance as husband and wife. Bella stood next to Alice and Jasper, watching them. I snuck up from behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, kissing the side of her neck and swaying her from side to side slowly. I realized that I'd actually never danced with Bella, and I would take advantage of tonight.

Once the song changed I swept Bella out to the dance floor, and her face was red with nervousness and embarrassment, and we hadn't even started.

" I can't dance!"

" You can. Just follow my lead."

I moved us from side to side, starting a slow movement together before moving us around the dance floor a little bit more. Eventually I was twirling her all around, and she was laughing freely with the most radiant smile on her face. Her dress swayed with her movement, and her feet glided like they knew the movements all along.

After I'd got her to do one dance with me we sat down at a table we shared with Esme, Carlisle, Alice and Jasper. Our's was closest to Emmett and Rosalie's table.

They had grand center pieces, and hundreds of flowers everywhere around the ballroom which were incorporated into almost everything. The courses of food were very well picked and absolutely divine, from amazing steaks to lobster and stuffed green peppers. Everything tasted good, and I wasn't surprised. It was Emmett's wedding, we all knew that he was going to make sure everything was edible.

They had a bar going on, and Bella and I had a few drinks with Alice and Jasper. There was a pretty big variety of drinks outside of wine and champagne, so we had a few before getting out to socialize and dance more.

The rest of the night went great. They cut the cake, but unfortunately there was no cake face smashing, Rosalie gave Emmett the glare of death when he was about to do it. Everybody thought it was pretty hilarious, but it was definitely something Rose would do.

We all danced more, ate cake, and socialized with Emmett and Rosalie, and even both Rosalie's side of the family and the Cullen's, which I knew all of, of course. I enjoyed myself very much, and I was happy for Emmett and Rosalie, they deserved that happiness. Both of them looked extremely happy today. It took them a long engagement to get here and they pulled off an amazing wedding.

Jasper caught the garter in the end, and my Bella caught the bouquet; running into my arms and kissing me when she did. Alice smirked at me the entire time, and Esme had given me a wink when Bella pulled away.

I knew that soon I had to get that beautiful ring on her finger. Everybody knew that I had to.

" Did you guys enjoy yourself good?" Emmett asked as he walked up to me.

" Yeah. You and Rose did an amazing job, man. I'm happy for you."

He smiled at me, " Thanks, Edward. Really, man."

Emmett pulled me into one of his signature 'man hugs', and I complied. He seemed kind of surprised but didn't question me at all.

" Alright, I'll see you in a few weeks, bro. I've got to get my bride off to our honeymoon. When I get back you better be an engaged man or I'll have to knock some sense into you."

I rolled my eyes, " Of course."

Emmett and Rosalie had planned their honeymoon to Hawaii, which was no surprise. Rosalie had always wanted to go, and if it was a beach and Rosalie was there, Emmett would be all for it and everybody knew it. Rose had given all of us a hug before leaving in a limo with Emmett to head to the airport at ten twenty to catch their flight for eleven thirty. They waved to everyone after being attacked by rice and stepped into the car and shut the door.

Bella wrapped her arm around me as the limo went off, in white spray paint it said ' Just Married' on the back window, and there were brand new designer shoes hanging off the back.

" It was a perfect day. I'm happy for them."

" It was. I am, too. They deserve to be this happy."

She smiled, " They do…So, are we going to head upstairs?"

" Of course. I want to see what you look like without this dress on."

We found Alice and Jasper and wished them a goodnight, and also the same for Carlisle and Esme. They knew we were staying here for the rest of this week and the weekend, which also meant we probably weren't going to be answering our phones a lot. It was just going to be Bella and I.

When Bella saw which button I clicked for the floor, her eyes widened. I pulled her to my side and kissed her gently. Once the elevator dinged we got off of it and I walked to our room and took out the key. The door opened and Bella and I stepped forward, and then followed the loud gasp as Bella looked around.

" For us? Until Sunday? Edward, you did all of this just for us?"

" I did."

" Oh my…Edward, this is amazing. Thank you."

She hopped up into my arms and I caught her smoothly. I felt her soft, full lips press against mine and almost immediately I felt myself being overcome with lust for her. I used my free hand that wasn't helping hold her to tangle in the hair at the nape of her neck. She leaned her head back and I moved my lips to her neck to ravish the exposed skin there.

Holding her securely, I carried her to the bedroom. Once we got into the dark bedroom I laid her on the bed. She grabbed my chin to pull her lips back to mine; her mouth was warm and sweet on mine. I forget everything that ever happened with this moment of her lips on mine.

I tilt her head to the side and reach up my hands to touch her face and neck, stroking her skin. Her hands worked on taking my suit jacket off, and then she let her hands wander over my back and down to my ass. I breathe in her scent. The reaction I get from just merely kissing her is powerful, and I move my hands all over her body, grabbing her thigh to hook around my hip, and using my other hand to graze her stomach and other leg. Her skin is soft, smooth and glowing.

Our legs tangle together as I hold her in a tight, comfortable embrace. She moans quietly into my mouth, her tongue sliding against mine in such an intimate way that only leaves me wanting more. When she leans up, I unzip her dress, and she helps me out of my clothing also.

Layer by layer all of our clothing is shed on the floor as we lay in the middle of the bed now. For hours and many hours we give and take, showing our love for one another by simply loving each other over and over again through the night. Her body never left mine, even when the room almost seemed like it was a sauna. We never stopped.

Bella passed out in my arms for good at five ten in the morning. I lay on my back with Bella lying on my chest. While she slept I took the pins out of her hair for her, and the rest of her hair fell loosely. I put them off to the side and wrapped my arms tightly around her, sighing contently.

I shifted us around to lay on my side, moving us into a spooning position. I rested Bella and I's linked hand together against her stomach and pressed my nose into her neck, smelling her scent mixed with sweat. The best scent ever.

~\\~

I awoke when the clock said that it was twelve in the afternoon, and my body felt completely worn out and worked over. Bella was sleeping peacefully, and I looked down at her. I'd never been as completely tuned in with Bella as I had last night, something about it felt different. It felt like there was another emotional connection that was absolutely shook my entire being.

I reached into the bedside drawer, careful not to move Bella, who moved to sleep on my chest sometime last night. I always found that she ended up on my chest somehow. I found the familiar box and sighed, opening it and taking the ring out. I stared at Bella's left hand that was laying on my stomach, and looked at the ring.

Slowly, and gently, I picked up her ring finger and slipped the ring on her finger out of curiosity. It fit absolutely perfect on her finger and I gazed at her hand. It looked beautiful, and seeing it on her hand took my breath away. I sat up and stared down at her peaceful expression, and then her eyes opened.

" It looks beautiful."

My breathing hitched for a moment as Bella spoke quietly. She lifted her head slightly and looked at me, a hesitant smile on her face. I lifted up her hand, taking it gingerly in mine and touching the ring softly. All of the little diamonds glittered in the sun that peaked through the window, and it adorned her hand perfectly.

" Isabella Swan…From the moment you came into my life, I knew that there was no going back. You have fixed a big part of me that I thought was broken for a long time. You showed me that I can love someone completely and unconditionally, and that it's okay to let go and be happy. Bella, you've shown me how to live…and for that, I will always be in debt to you. I love you more than anything in this entire world. You are my world. Would you do me the extraordinary honor of marrying me?"

Tears streamed down her face and she sat up next to me and nodded.

" Yes, Edward. Yes, of course."

I still held her hand, and I pulled her lips to mine in a deep, passionate kiss. Her hand moved up to cup my jaw and I felt the ring press against my skin. I smiled into the kiss and she smiled back before pulling away.

" I love you so much, Edward."

" I love you, too, Bella. More than anything."

Bella pushed me onto my back and her hair spilled around us. Her lips captured mine, and I felt her hands run down my arms.

The moment was blissful, unforgettable, and undoubtedly the best moment of my entire existence. It didn't have to be planned or completely romantic, it was about both of us, and the right moment. And I found ours.

~\\~

Bella and I rarely left our hotel room. We took full advantage of room service, and never really left the bed. We couldn't get enough of each other, and every time I look at her left hand I get the sudden rush to claim her as mine even more. She wraps her entire body around mine, and I know she wants me just as much as I want her.

" Getting drunk off wine again, are we?" Bella asked as she walked into the kitchen, wearing only my button down shirt. I put the cork back on the wine bottle and stepped towards Bella, handing her one glass and using that free hand to wrap around her waist as she took a sip.

" Tell me we don't have to leave tomorrow."

" I wish I could, baby." I murmured, leaning down to kiss her softly.

She sighed against my lips, " So do I."

" You look better in my clothes then I do."

I ran my hand around her waist to her lower back and took a sip of the deep red wine. I swayed her from side to side in my arms and she rested her head on my chest. I grabbed her left hand and lifted it to my lips, placing a gentle kiss on her finger near her ring.

" Do you like the ring, really?"

She looked up at me and smiled, " I do…It's so perfect, Edward."

" It was my mother's ring last. I'm pretty sure it's been passed down for awhile, and my mother gave it to me enclosed in the letter she gave me when I was in the hospital. She never wore it much, but before her it was my grandmother Evelyn's."

" It's such a beautiful ring, Edward."

" It's classic. Just like you."

Bella smiled and kissed me chastely. We sat on the couch after two glasses of wine, with Bella laying on my chest all curled up. I ran my hand up and down the length of her back soothingly, which seemed to lull her into a daze.

When she was completely out, I lifted her up into my arms and carried her to the bedroom. I laid her down on the mattress and pulled the comforter over her body to keep her warm. She burrowed into the pillow and I bent down to kiss her forehead.

I wanted to take her out to dinner tonight somewhere nice before we left. I took a quick shower and dressed afterwards. Bella was still sleeping when I was finished, and I shaved and brushed my teeth before getting dressed in a pair of nice dress pants and a button down.

I checked up a few places on my Blackberry, and decided to take her to Six Seven. It showcases Elliot Bay, Puget Sound and the Olympic Mountains. It's at The Edgewater, which is a waterfront hotel, and the only one in Seattle at that. It's not too fancy, but not too casual. Once I had finished I cleaned up the blankets that were randomly all over the living room.

Once I finished it was around four, and I'd made the reservation already for six. I decided to go to the bedroom and wake Bella. I laid down beside her on the bed and pulled her back against my front. I kissed her neck softly and ran my hand over her flat stomach. She let out a small whine and shifted her body towards mine.

" You have to wake up, sunshine. I'm taking you to dinner tonight."

" Dinner."

I laughed quietly, " Yes. Dinner. You know, that meal you eat during the evening time."

She slapped my arm, " Smartass."

" Sexy ass." I teased, grabbing her backside.

" I need to get this ass in the shower."

Bella unbuttoned my button down shirt she wore and stood up, stripping it off as she did and leaving herself completely naked in front of me. I gazed at her beautiful, curvy body and she gave me a wicked grin. She walked into the bathroom, turned on the shower and left the door wide open for me to watch.

Once she had cleaned up she stepped out with a towel wrapped around her securely. I watched her move around the bathroom, fixing her hair, doing her makeup and whatever girly stuff she needed to do. When she came into the bedroom she grabbed her bag and pulled out a beautiful dress.

" Assumed we'd go out did you?"

" Yes."

" Confident."

" You bet your sweet ass, green eyes."

Bella slipped into black lace dress with dark blue satin fabric underneath that clung to all of her curves and was just a few inches above the knee. It was very elegant on Bella. It had short sleeves that were all lace and the skin of her upper back, collarbone and shoulders were visible through the black lace. She put on a pair of tall dark blue satin heels that matched the dress and had a tall heel. Her legs looked incredibly sexy, and those heels only showed them off.

After a spray of body spray she stepped out of the bathroom and stood in front of me.

" You look absolutely stunning, my love."

" Thank you. As do you."

I tucked my light blue button down into my black slacks and put a black leather belt on, along with my leather designer shoes and my Rolex. Bella unbuttoned the top button on my shirt and smoothed down the collar for me.

" You're so beautiful." She murmured, " My handsome boy…"

" And you're my beautiful, gorgeous girl." I replied, taking her in my arms.

She squealed and leaned forward to kiss me. I could taste the strawberry lip gloss on her lips, and I smiled upon getting a taste of it.

" Mm, we'd better get out of here before I tear this dress off you."

" Where are we going?"

" You'll see."

~\\~

" Oh my god…Edward, it's so beautiful in here." Bella said in amazement as I pushed her chair in for her.

We were outside on the deck, right against four foot tall glass wall that separated us from the big sea of water next to us. The sky was all different blues, pinks and oranges fading into each other, making the setting even more romantic. There wasn't much wind luckily, and the weather was perfect. We were handed out menu's and I quickly looked at Bella.

" White or Red wine?"

" Red."

" A bottle of the Old World Red, the Château Lafite Rothschild, Pauillac, Bordeaux, France."

The waiter looked surprised but wrote it down anyways, and he also said all of the special's for today, all of the new fish that was caught this morning, looking at the menu, everything looked awesome. Bella looked at the wine, and seemed to find the one I picked. She all of a sudden choked as she took a sip of water.

" Edward! The price!"

" Shh, this is a very special weekend for us."

" Edward…"

" I love you, let me spoil you, my love. Please."

She gave up with a sigh and looked over the menu, I grasped her hand over the table and looked into her eyes.

" Don't look at price. Okay? Get whatever pleases you."

" I promise." She replied, leaning over to kiss me softly.

The waiter brought us the wine, and he poured the wine in each crystal wine glass for us, and set the wine and the ice bucket aside. We asked for another moment to look at the menu and he left kindly and Bella and I looked good at the menu before putting in our orders.

" I'd like the Alaskan King Crab Legs with some roasted asparagus on the side."

" The Cedar Plank Salmon with Spring Risotto as the side, and can I also get some of the lobster mac and cheese before our meal?"

" Yes, of course. Would that be all for you both tonight?"

" Yes, thank you very much."

He nodded and took our menu's from us. Bella ordered the Lobster Mac and Cheese because we both wanted to share it and give it a taste. It sounded really delicious so we decided to give it a shot.

" So…Any thoughts on wedding locations?" I asked her.

She looked up and smiled at me, " I'm not sure…All I know is that as long as it's you and me, and we're together, that's all that matters to me. I can't imagine it being better than that."

" I was thinking a winter wedding."

My mind flashed with images of Bella in a beautiful white gown, all around her was a beautiful, snowy scenery. Her dark hair in spirals down her elegant back, contrasting with her white gown and pale skin, the vision was beautiful in my mind.

" This winter?"

" Yes. I happen to think that you would make an absolutely breathtaking winter bride."

Bella smiled, " I think it sounds perfect. I've always loved winter and the snow. But the question is…where would the ceremony be?"

" We'll figure it all out, sunshine, and it will be absolutely perfect."

~\\~

" Yes, of course, Carmen. I did write down your parents names for the RSVP, Stefan and Makenna. Alright, thank you for letting me know…Have a good day…Alright, bye…UUHHHHHH!"

I smiled as I turned the corner into the kitchen. Bella stood by the island with her fingers tugging at her hair, and a very frustrated look on her face. When she saw me she looked up and glared.

" How many people did Alice invite? I give her one job, one specific job, and that was to send out invitations to your family, and a list of people and numbers I gave her! And the phone won't shut up! It will not shut up!"

I chuckled, " Oh, baby, I'm sorry."

" I had no idea you had such a big family."

" Well, it's technically not my family…But, I do know them all."

" Whatever! I'm just…It's fine."

I took her into my arms and kissed her gently. She melted into me and reached up to rest her hand on my jaw. Her lips were soft and warm on mine, and I could feel her tension releasing.

" I needed that." She murmured against my lips.

When I grabbed her ass, she moaned and jumped up to wrap her legs around me.

" I can't wait to be your wife. Let's just get everything done and over with so I can be Mrs. Edward Masen."

I placed rough kisses down her neck and she leaned back and sighed, " I just want to fast forward to our honeymoon. You're never leaving my sights once we get to our destination."

I was keeping our honeymoon a secret from Bella. I wanted to surprise her. One of Carlisle's colleagues, and a very good friend, owned an Island in Rio, and since there are two unused homes there, he offered to let Bella and I stay in one for our honeymoon. It would be on the beach, warm, and beautiful. I knew that she would absolutely love it.

" Where is that destination? Hmm?" she asked, lightly biting my jaw.

" A secret." I stated, sitting down on the couch and pulling her closer.

" Tell me."

" Nope."

" I can't convince you?" she whispered seductively as she dipped down to suck on my neck.

" Sorry, Vampira, but no." I teased, positioning her underneath me as I placed numerous chaste kisses on her lips.

" Fine, fine."

_Ring_

_Ring_

" Ughhhh!" she groaned as she stood up, I gave her ass a swift smack and smirked.

" Thanks for getting the phone, darling."

" I hate you!"

~\\~

BPOV

September 25th

Saturday

2010

~\\~

" It just doesn't…feel right. I don't think Edward would like it either."

" Maybe we should go into a top designer store then."

Alice was bitter because I didn't want to go to some fancy store to buy a ten thousand dollar dress for the wedding.

Even though Edward was paying for the dress, no exceptions, I wanted to weigh all of my options. I knew that I could find a dress for twelve hundred or less that I would look good in. So David's Bridal was my last try at a reasonable place to find a nice, but non-expensive, wedding dress. All of the other places were a fail, and I decided I'd try coming here before going to some top designer store.

I took off the Galina lace dress and it was put aside by the other dresses that weren't working.

I tried on everything from mermaid to a ball gown; nothing just seemed to scream anything at me. I wanted it to be elegant, but I also wanted it to look wintery.

Edward and I had finally decided on a wedding date, and we settled on December 30. At first we were thinking about Christmas day, but then once we thought more about it, Edward and I both wanted the day we picked to be our day and ours only. We didn't want to tack it on with a holiday.

All of the wedding plans were going absolutely amazingly. And we'd already had our venue set up for date. Edward and I looked around everywhere; trying to think of any place where we could set up everything we had in our mind the way we wanted it. In the beginning, we weren't opting for a church wedding, but weren't against it. When Edward and I had been downtown we came across a familiar church. Esme and Carlisle do generally go to church on Sunday's together when they are able, and we had come across the church they attended, and we were blown away.

The church was very Victorian/Cathedral . The church was sculpted in a way that caught Edward and it. The outside had tall points, a very rustic feel to it, and the inside was even more perfect for the ceremony. The back of the room had an almost all glass wall, with beautiful scenery in the back, which covered with snow, it would be absolutely amazing. It had a little bit of a dark feel inside, but yet, it felt like Edward and I. Something about it was perfect. We booked immediately.

We decided to have the wedding reception at the Edgewater Hotel. We had gone back a few weeks ago and looked around their wedding reception room, and the entire place just had glass windows from top to bottom, and with the water and view of the mountains, it was just perfect, and not far from the church. It matched the church in a way also with all the open scenery.

" Bella! Oh my god, I found something that you have to try on!"

I knew that since it was Alice saying it, that it must be beautiful. Or else she wouldn't be saying anything.

She busted into the room holding a dress in her arms that was in a plastic dress back. She looked entirely happy about the dress and I decided to try it on.

" I know it's ivory, but the lady said it's also available in white, and it looks like in white it would be so totally wintery and beautiful! You have to try it on!"

I looked at the dress and saw that the dress was tulle, but it was soft and didn't look obnoxious and poufy. Looking close, there were lace appliqués and a lot of beading detail on the skirt and bodice. The ones on the skirt almost looked like snowflakes, but they were not at all tacky looking. It was beautiful and elegant.

I tried it on and the consultant zipped it up, complimenting how beautifully it fit my figure. When I walked outside, I saw Alice and Rosalie looking eagerly at me as I stood on the pedestal in front of the mirror.

The dress absolutely blew me away. It was strapless and flared out with a gorgeous sweep train. I noticed my consultant, Heather, holding what looked like a lace jacket with the same hand appliqués on it like the dress.

" This jacket goes with the dress, would you like to see it finished?"

I wasn't sure about the jacket, but once I put it on, something about it completed the pure elegance of the dress. I could see myself wearing the dress, picturing it in white, walking down the aisle towards Edward with my father leading me.

It fit my figure, and I ran my hands over the bodice, feeling all of the appliqués and added beads. Looking in the mirror, I felt beautiful. Behind me, Heather put a veil in underneath my hair. I had put it up today, and once she put on the veil, it flowed down beautifully along the back of the dress.

" Oh my god, Bella…You look so beautiful…Edward would die."

I looked over at them, " Really? You like it?"

" I love it!" they both said, " Do you?" Alice asked.

I glanced in the mirror and suddenly felt tears welling up in my eyes, " Yeah, I really do love it."

~\\~

EPOV

~\\~

I knew that today Bella had gone wedding dress shopping, and I also went out myself to get fitted for a tuxedo. I picked out something classic, and I was confident that Bella would like it. She always made it very clear how much she liked seeing me all dressed up. I do have two nice suits in my closet, but for this event, I needed a tux. I had gotten a black bow tie instead of white, something about a white bow tie just didn't really appeal to me.

When I had gotten home later on that day after a long day of classes, I knew Bella had been home, but she was nowhere in sight. I put down my heavy bag of books, sighing at the fact that at the middle of May, I would be finished with Medical School. Everything was falling perfectly into place.

I checked the basement and main floor before heading upstairs to see if she was there. I knew she had to be home because they'd taken her car to go out looking. When I got to the bedroom I saw the bathroom door cracked open, and I heard quiet sobs coming from the bathroom.

I immediately opened the door and saw Bella sitting in the filled up bath, her arms wrapped around her legs that were pulled up to her chest. Her face was streaked with tears and when she saw me she gasped.

" Edward."

" Hey, sunshine. What's wrong, why are you crying, sweetheart?" I asked her gently, kneeling near the tub.

" I just…Today was perfect, and it went good, I found a dress, and then it just hit me when I got home."

" What did, Bella? Talk to me."

" I wanted my mom to be with me so bad. I always pictured standing there, in this beautiful dress, and my mom standing next to me…Helping me pick out my perfect dress… but she's not here; she'll never be here."

" Oh, Bella." I murmured, grabbing a towel from the closet as more tears fell from her beautiful brown eyes.

I lifted her from the water and wrapped the towel around her. Immediately she wrapped her arms around my neck and I held her closely. Bella mentioning her mom made me think of mine. And so many questions ran through my mind as I held my crying fiancée.

Bella wasn't given an option to have her mother there for her through this process. Hell, she didn't even given the option to have her mother at the ceremony. I still do. Should I call my mother?

Another sob wracked Bella's body and I rubbed her back.

" I'm so sorry, my Bella. I'm so sorry."

She held onto me tighter, " I know. I just wish she could have been here. God, I miss her so much."

" Look at me." She pulled away and wiped her eyes. I kissed her nose and rested my forehead against hers, " I can only imagine how hard it must be, but you know what are some really good things?"

" What?"

" You still have Charlie, sweetheart. And your dad loves you so much. And you have Alice and Rosalie who think of you like their sister, and Esme who adores you to pieces; you are basically her daughter since she met you. And you know something that I am so grateful for?" she shook her head, " The fact that I have you right here. We have each other, and I love you. I wish your mom was here right now to help us with the wedding, but she is looking down at you Bella, and I know that she must be so proud to know that she has a daughter as beautiful, smart and as strong as you. You're making her proud, baby, you are."

I wiped the tears that ran down her face and she buried her face in my neck.

" Thank you."

" You don't have to thank me."

" I love you so much."

" I love you, too."

She pulled away and looked at me, " I think you'll like my dress."

" I'm sure that I'm going to absolutely love it."

A smile lit up her face and I kissed her chastely on the lips, running my fingers lightly through her long hair. It was almost at her waist right now, and I knew she was itching to cut it right now. I wouldn't let her though, and I'd admit it.

" You know, my mom used to love my long hair. She'd braid it every night before I went to bed."

" Really?"

" Yeah. That's why I think it's so funny that you love it so much."

" My love for your hair is completely serious."

She laughed quietly, " Okay…Well, I have a roast in the oven with vegetables that's slowly cooking."

" That sounds good." I said, slowly pealing the towel off of her now dry body.

Once it dropped to the floor I grabbed her silk robe from the hook on the back of the door, not taking my eyes from her. I helped her into the blue silk robe and tied it securely around her waist.

" I should probably put on clothes instead."

" How about you keep just that on. We're just eating dinner, and we can watch a movie. Nothing fancy."

" Then you should take off a few layers also."

" I will. I'll meet you downstairs."

She put on a pair of underwear and then went downstairs. I took a quick shower and just put on a pair of low slung black pajama pants. I toweled off my hair and then headed downstairs as Bella put our full plates down on the table. Bella had shredded up the meat into chunks, and put it over a bed of white rice with the vegetables, and there was a little bit of liquid also in it.

Instead I moved our plates to the living room and Bella followed. We curled up next to each other and ate dinner while watching TV. It was nice to have this time. With wedding plans, working, the hospital and family, it's been a little hard to find time away for each other like this.

" I knew there was a reason I was marrying you. You make delicious dinner."

She put her empty plate down and wrapped her arms around my left arm, resting her head against my shoulder as I finished my dinner.

" I ordered all of the table linens today."

" Oh, really?"

" I did. They are all in the right custom colors. Midnight blue, silver and white. The clothes for the tables are white, cloth napkins are blue, and the one it's wrapped around in is silver. I was looking online for a few folding designs and found some great ideas."

" I'm sure whatever is done will be perfect."

" We need to go pick out center pieces next weekend."

" I know."

" And cake tasting and food down the road."

I put my plate on the coffee table and kissed her.

" Decorations for the church." She mumbled against my lips.

I kissed her again.

" Wine tasting."

Kiss.

" Pick out if we want crystal or gla-"

" Bella, please shut up."

" We need to talk about-"

I tore off her robe and she gasped quietly.

" No, we don't need to talk about anything right now."

" Now you need to shut up."

" Okay."

~\\~

EPOV

2010

December 30th

Thursday

~\\~

I adjusted my bow tie in the mirror, nervously fidgeting around afterwards. My shoes made a quiet tapping noise on the marble floor, but I still couldn't stop pacing. I tugged my fingers through my hair before pausing to stare in the mirror.

This was right.

This was meant to be.

Suddenly the door opened and I saw Carlisle step through.

He was yet another best man to a wedding this year. I knew that I couldn't have picked anybody better. Not only had Carlisle helped me so much, but he took me in when I had nobody; for that I would always be grateful. There wasn't any way I could think to thank him then in this way.

When he looked over at me, he smiled, " Nervous?"

" Yeah."

" You look like me when I was going to be marrying Esme. I knew that she was the one for me, but the day of making it official I was a nervous mess. I even messed up our vows."

I laughed, but it was strained and sounded like some weird fucked up foreign noise.

He came over by me and rested his hand on my shoulder, giving me a look that said he was…proud?

" Edward, I am so proud of how far you've come."

" Thank you, Carlisle."

" I'll always be proud of Emmett for what he's done, and Alice for what she's done…But what you've accomplished with all of your life problems, I will never not be amazed. You've been such a strong man, and Esme and I are incredibly happy for Bella and you."

" That really means a lot to me."

" You know, Edward, just over two years ago, you were in such a different place." I nodded in understanding and looked down, " And I couldn't imagine our family without you. I hope you realize now how special you are to the family, son."

I nodded and all of a sudden Esme busted into the room and launched herself at me.

" I can't believe you are getting married."

I hugged Esme back and quietly laughed at her antics. " Yeah, I know. How is she?"

" She looks beautiful, Edward. You'll be blown away."

It wasn't until that moment that I saw her walking down the aisle towards me, her father linking her arm to his, that I fully got the impact of what Esme had said. Being blown away wasn't even the beginning of it. When I saw her, I was almost completely knocked on my ass. She was heartbreakingly beautiful, and she was all mine. The scenery around her just amplified everything.

The church had a grey/blue atmosphere, and against some of the benches were tied silver branches. In back of me, outside of the glass windows was two feet of perfectly smooth snow that gave an amazing view like we had wanted. Even though the atmosphere might have seemed dark and dull to some, it never shined brighter to us.

Bella's dress fit her tiny waist perfectly, and flowed out into a medium length train in back of her. I could see sparkly beads in the bodice of her dress, and I noticed that on the sleeves that were above her elbow it was a small lace jacket, which made it all the more elegant. The white of the dress complimented her beautiful pale skin. It was perfect. And so was she.

Her hair, as I insisted be requested, was down in long, chocolate brown spirals down her beautiful back, but was pinned back a little in the front with sparkly pins. A thin veil was pushed into the crown of her head, and was as long as the dress in the back.

She was the most beautiful bride I'd ever laid my eyes on.

In her hands was a bouquet of white roses, with a few blue roses tied into it.

When Charlie had given her away to me, placing her hand in mine, she stood in front of me, and I felt the full impact of everything.

I heard a few quiet 'aww's' when I literally started crying with Bella standing in front of me. She was crying too, and the moment just felt like so much. I wiped her tear, brushing it away gently before taking both of her hands in mine.

When it came time for our vows, I patted my pocket quickly to make sure both of our rings were there. I handed Bella my wedding band, and held hers in my hand. Both of our wedding bands were white gold, mine had a design all around the band that was pretty intricate, and Bella's had the same, but was also encrusted with a few diamonds into the band. Inside of each of ours had 'Edward and Isabella Masen -Forever and Always' engraved on the inside, with the date of ' 12-30-10' on the other side.

When it was Bella's turn to begin our binding words, she looked at me through glassy, teary eyes. Her voice rang out clear and victorious.

" I do." She vowed

" I do." I vowed only moments after, my voice ringing out just as clear as hers had.

Once I felt the ring sliding onto my finger, I knew that's where it would always stay. I was hers, and she was now mine.

The moment we were declared husband and wife, I took a step forward and brought my hands up to cradle Bella's face in my hands like she was precious glass. She stared up at me, her gorgeous brown eyes sparkling. I bent my head towards hers and she stretched up to meet me half way. The moment my lips touched hers, I heard everybody around us erupt in a loud applause.

Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned into me, moving her lips over mine. I began the kiss, and had to end it. When I turned us to face our friends and family, immediately we were swept up into a flurry of hugs. Alice almost jumped on top of Bella, and I saw Angela, Bella's friend from Cambridge University that's been staying with us and her boyfriend Ben stepped forward. Angela hugged Bella, and then I felt Esme wrap her arms tightly around me, with Carlisle's hand resting on my shoulder. Bella kept her hand in mine through all of the hugs. Once we were released, both of us walked side by side down the aisle together.

We shuffled into the limo together to head to our reception, and once the door was shut, Bella rested her head on my shoulder and the car peeled away from the curb to head to the Edgewater Hotel. I wrapped her in my arms and kissed her temple.

" Oh my god…" she murmured.

I smiled at her, " What's wrong, Mrs. Masen?"

I'd never seen such a beautiful smile spread over her face before, and it was so sincere that it made my heart clench.

" I'm your wife…I'm married to you."

" That's good, right?"

" I don't think I could be happier right now if I wanted."

I leaned towards her and pressed my lips gently to hers for a moment.

" Your dress is absolutely beautiful. You look absolutely heartbreakingly gorgeous, my Bella."

She combed her fingers through my hair, " You look positively handsome. I love seeing you in a tux."

I grinned and kissed her again, my entire being feeling so light and happy right now. Besides the day I asked her to marry me, this was probably the happiest day of my life. There wasn't anything better than having Bella beside me, now as my wife.

From the moment I'd met her, never did I think she would have changed my life so much, but she did, and I didn't want it any other way. I was deliriously fucking ecstatic and in love with this beautiful woman next to me, and I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with her.

~\\~

The entire wedding reception set up was absolutely perfect. When Bella and I walked into the room, everything was set up just like we'd planned it. All of the food we had ordered from the catering service was made and looked great in the kitchen. We kept everything pretty simple, but still very good. There was crab, lobster, salmon, steak, salads, risotto, and vegetables. Everything was really good, and the final taste test went well last week.

Our wedding cake was five tiers and the inside was red velvet and cream cheese. The outside was white with silver designs on each tier that was over white fondant. It was a beautiful, elegant cake and it was perfect.

Bella slipped off her small jacket that was on the dress, now leaving her shoulders exposed, and put it in a back room along with her veil that I helped her take out. We didn't have any fancy DJ or anybody, just an iPod with a doc, and a playlist of all of our favorite songs, and a few of Alice's choice. As maid of honor she thought she should have a part in that.

I swept Bella into my arms and she rested one hand on my shoulder and the other arm around my waist. She looked so beautiful, and I almost felt like I was in some kind of dream.

" You are the most beautiful bride."

She blushed and rested her head against my chest, " Can you believe this? I feel like I'm in a dream."

" So do I. Thank god we don't have to wake u-"

" Edward?"

My body froze, and Bella looked up to see where the voice came from. I stood still for a moment before relaxing. I knew this moment would come. Alice had told me, and I had given my approval to this. I released Bella, but kept her hand in mine as I turned around.

In front of me was my mother, dressed in a pair of black slacks, tall heels and a blue blouse. Her bronze hair was up in a twist I'd seen often in my life. Every special occasion she would put her hair up that way, and standing before me she didn't look any older then when I was fifteen. She had barely aged.

I hadn't talked to her since the night at the restaurant when we spoke, and when Alice asked me about inviting her to the wedding, I told her she could. I wanted her to be here, because I knew one day I could regret not doing it. This was the first step to having her in my life and moving on from the past.

She wasn't just my mother, but now Bella was her daughter-in-law.

" Hi." I said.

" Hello, Mrs. York. I'm so glad you could make it." Bella said kindly.

She smiled warmly at Bella, " I'm sure it's okay for you to call me Elizabeth now. You are technically my daughter-in-law."

Bella nodded and leaned into me, watching me closely.

" I didn't see you at the ceremony."

" I was towards the back. I didn't want to startle you if you saw me."

" Okay."

She stepped towards me, pleading with her eyes to know if she could give me a hug or something. Something inside of me bursted with emotion and I walked towards her and wrapped my arms around her. Despite all of the years of anger, sadness and abandonment, there would always be a part inside of me that loved her and wanted her here.

Her arms wrapped around me and she sniffed, rubbing my back.

" I'm so proud of you, Edward. I'm so, so proud of you more than you could ever understand."

" I'm glad you're here."

" Of course I am. How could I not see my child get married? Nothing would stop me from being here, Edward. I love you, despite everything."

Once I released her my mother stepped over to Bella and hugged her tightly. " You are absolutely beautiful, sweetheart."

" Thank you very much."

" Is your…Husband here?" It felt odd saying that word.

" Oh, yes. I told him to give me a moment. Garrett?"

The man walked into the room, looking the same as when I saw him that day in the hospital. He walked over to my mother and took her hand, looking at her lovingly before looking at me. I could see that he loved her. I was happy for her. Honestly.

" Garret, this is Edward, my son. Edward, this is my husband, Garrett."

We looked at each other for a long moment before I extended my hand to shake his.

" I've heard much about you, Edward. It's nice to finally meet you."

" It's…nice to meet you, too. This is my wife Bella."

Bella shook his hand, " Nice to meet you."

" Congratulations to both of you."

" Thank you very much."

I felt Bella kiss my neck quickly before wrapping her arms around my waist to hold me.

The moment felt weird, but somehow, in some way; it felt right.

~\\~

The entire reception was perfect and went off without a hitch. My mother stayed until it was over, and she and Bella talked a big majority of the time. They were getting along very well and I knew that after this; things would definitely be changing between us.

Garrett was actually very nice I found. He seemed more introverted at first but once we started talking I found that he had a great personality, and I saw how much he loved my mother.

I danced with Rosalie, Esme, and even my mother. I even got in a dance with Alice. Emmett kept sweeping Bella away to dance obnoxiously with her. Bella laughed through all of Emmett's weird jerky dances, but it was completely and utterly hilarious to watch.

Bella and I had our first dance, ate our cake and yes, made a mess of it. We made sure not to get any on our clothes, but our mouths were covered in cake. After eating each other's face basically clean, we danced more and mingled with family before ending the night with a bouquet toss, and garter.

I was sure that if I wasn't married to Bella, Charlie would have got out his shotgun. Bella blushed the entire time I put my head under her skirt and to her garter. I had the lacey fabric between my teeth and dragged it down slowly, my hands caressing her thigh. I flung the garter into the crowd and it landed right at Charlie's feet. Emmett collected it and held it up in the air, making loud noises and whistles.

Alice had taken Bella to the sitting room in the back so that she could change out of her dress. Since we were going on a plane I didn't want Bella to have to walk around in a wedding dress.

I worked my way through the family, still smiling from the events of today, and wished them all goodbye. Bella appeared just as I was saying goodbye to my mother. We exchanged quick hugs, and she wished us a safe trip before we were tossed back into the crowd of family and friends. Bella had put on a beautiful white lace dress. The dress fabric itself was strapless, but the lace overlay was long sleeves so her arms, collarbone and shoulders were showing through the thin lace fabric. It cinged at her waist with a black sash, and she had on a pair of black high heels.

Her hair was taken completely down, and curls were flowing around everywhere. She was still beautiful without her dress.

" You both be safe now. Have a safe flight." Carlisle said, hugging me and then Bella.

I looked back at my mother and she smiled at me, tears glistening in her eyes as I let Esme go. I gave her a nod and took Bella's hand in mine.

" Thank you." I said to both Carlisle and Esme as Bella talked to Alice.

" For what?" Esme said.

" For being there when I needed someone even when I pushed you away. For picking me and giving me a life that I know I would have never had otherwise. I can never repay you for any of that. You both are my parents in a way, and I'm sorry it took awhile to figure that out."

Tears fell from Esme's eyes and she wrapped her arms around me once more, and Carlisle did the same.

" We love you so much, Edward. There isn't anybody else that could ever fill your place in our family."

I felt Bella wrap her arm around my waist, " Ready to go?"

" Yeah." I said quietly to her, giving Alice a hug, and a thank you for helping put the wedding together.

It was a flurry of rice tossed at us as we ran outside. Bella laughed and I tried to shield her from the attack while laughing myself.

Once we were in the limousine and strapped in, Bella looked over at me and smiled. I smiled back at her, and it felt genuine and honest. I was happy, and so was Bella. I'd found all of this because of her. I'd found my purpose, and finally felt worth.

" Thank you." I repeated to her.

" What do you possibly have to thank me for."

" For so many things. You have changed me so much for the better, and you've brought me so much happiness that I thought I would never feel. I was so deep into the darkness of my past, and now I can't imagine my life without you, because you are my life. You're everything. And I want to spend the rest of my life making sure you know how special and beautiful you are."

" You already do make me feel special and beautiful. You make me feel alive. I love you, so much, Edward."

" I love you, too."

She wrapped her arms around me and pressed her lips to mine softly.

I had no fucking clue where I would be in a year, two years, or ten years, but none of that mattered. I wasn't dwelling on the past or the future. For once, I was living in the present time. There isn't any worth spending your life hiding from the scars of your past, or being scared of what would happen in the future. Bella taught me that.

Being happy only depended on yourself, and you can only be as happy as you let yourself be. I was letting myself be that way, because I know that I deserved it. Many years ago, I wouldn't have agreed to that

With this beautiful woman next to me, nothing else mattered. Whatever you do in life might be insignificant, but it's still very important that you do it; because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into your life. A big part of me said that I was nowhere near ready, but another part said; make her yours forever.

I'm going to be working on that forever part.

**Authors Note- I am completely trying to keep myself together for this chapter. Somehow, this story ending was more emotional than all the rest. It was my first darker story, and this story was a huge step for me in the FF world. I'm glad I've had all of you guys sticking with me through this. I appreciate every single review I've ever received from this story. I want to thank every one of you for being here, even if you never reviewed, I appreciate you reading so much. All of you are special.**

**I have a few VERY IMPORTANT things to say.**

**For one, I am posting a new story soon!**

**Summary-**

**Isabella Swan is hanging on by a string. Seventeen years old and a hard-working, blunt smoking, Isabella ,is trying her hardest to get out of small town Forks by dedicating herself to school and work. With her re-married father no longer present in her life, and a flighty mother thousands of miles away, she has only few friends and new step-siblings and a step-mother that have taken away the relationship with her father she once barely had.**

**Edward Masen, eighteen, and a seemingly bad boy, moves into town and takes Isabella's life for a spin. When they quickly fall into a blissful romance during the end of a school year and during the summer, what happens when Edward has plans of his own not to stay in Forks with his mother and her new husband? Will he decide to follow his dreams to Julliard and leave behind the girl he loves that is barely hanging on?**

**Hoped that was of interest! It will be posted within a week hopefully, put me on Author Alert! I love seeing familiar reviewers!**

**And another very important thing**

**OUTTAKES!**

**If you have any idea's for outtakes for DITD. If you want BPOV's, or some future stuff, tell me in a review and let me know what you want. I'm taking suggestions. Maybe not all, but any that I think that I can pull off, I will!**

**Thank you all for being here through this story. Please send a review, I'd like to hear from you all one last time. I respond to all reviews.**

**Until we meet again.**

**Sincerely,**

**Twilightx28**


	44. Authors Note Posted 08 21 2011

**Authors Note-**

**Hello everybody. I know you are probably wondering about why there is a note posted on here, but I just have two important things to say and let's get right to the point!**

**My new story: The Story of Us, has now been posted and there are already three chapters uploaded. Updates are hopefully going to be every Friday, as of right now, that schedule is working out really good so please go check it out and send a review to let me know what you think!**

**Another thing!**

**Outtakes!**

**So, I am definitely doing Outtakes for Deep Into The Darkness. And I will probably switch out this authors note for a new updated one about when I post the first outtake. I will keep taking requests, if you have any feel free to PM me, don't send a review because I probably won't be able to check it ASAP.**

**So far here are two idea's, if you have more that aren't these let me know because I would like some more!**

**BPOV of Wedding**

**Future Life- possibly with a kid...BPOV and EPOV**

**I have a few myself, but let me know for more.**

**Now, GO CHECK OUT my NEW STORY! **

**Thanks, I love you guys!**

**Sincerely,**

**Twilightx28**


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